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loved your piece. I especially loved how you portrait emotions in your story. How when she bought the shoes she was so excited and she felt lost and confused when they controlled her. I also really liked how you used figurative language in your piece. Like Dark clouds laced the sky with a blackish-grey veil. Although there were some minor typos and punctuation. Other than that your piece was really great.

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Hi Bri! A strength in your writing is your details. In addition, I like how you ended very strong by using very powerful words. However, a suggestion is to use more details in the beginning

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Hi Brianna! A strength of your essay “School Uniforms and Their Major Affects,” is your sensory detail and description in your introduction. You were really descriptive in describing the young girl, and how school uniforms can really be a bother to young children. I absolutely love it when you said, “In school, her legs were itchy, as the skirt rubbed against them in the bumpy plastic seats.” You were very descriptive and added really good detail to make the reader believe and know how uniforms can be annoying to wear everyday. Nice job! Another strength about your essay is the 3 reasons you chose to write body paragraphs about. Your 3 reasons really make sense in how school uniforms should be abolished for several reasons. My favorite reason that you came up with was how school uniforms can limit self expression for children. I felt that this was a very strong reason that you came up with, along with your others. Great job with your reasons! However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is your 3  sum-ups. I felt that you kind of said the same thing as your claim without re-wording it. Besides that, what an amazing essay you wrote! Well done!

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Hello Bree! I really enjoyed reading you essay and I have so feed back for you! I thought that your had some amazing questions and exclamations in your warrant! My favorite question that you wrote is “Why must this happen to such a young and innocent child?” I also thought that you had a really good Zinger! It sounds really good when you read it out loud. I thought that it was quite creative and unique!  I could not find something wrong with our essay so I have another start for you! I thought that you had very descriptive writing! I thought that you used words that I don't think that I would use.(in a good way) I really enjoyed reading you essay! = )

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Hi Bree, how’s it going? One of the things in your paragraph you did well with is the amount of detail and description you out in your paragraph, especially in the third warrant. Secondly, your paragraph excelled in the transitions, meaning the choijpce of your words added an extra feeling to the paragraph. I believe that you should fix the grammar and punctuation in your paragraph. Especially in your first paragraph when you were listing emotions you had three and’s. In that situation you should have put commas and by doing this this you can have a sentence that doesn’t get the reader out of breath.

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I really loved your writing peace I Loved that you talked about Koby. Also loved how you were surprised about things here and there, I thought it was really cool that you did that. I know I would of never thought about putting that type of feeling in my writing peace. Something I wish for is to call you parents mom, and dad, not mother and father.😂

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One strength in your writing is how you ended your peace. I love how you said that hard work pays off even if it involves  picking it up doggy business. Another strength in your writing is how you describe kobys eyes. When you said they were like a baby deers eyes I felt like I was right there with you at the moment. However, one suggestion i could make is to focus a little bit more on either the car ride home, or when you get home or when you first got him and held him for the first but overall, it's an amazing peace!

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One thing I loved about your memoir was the inner thoughts. My favorite one was “Wow… she is actually helping me?” I thought that was really funny but it also tells me that you don't have the best relationship with your sister, which I can understand. I am always surprised when my brother helps me. Another thing I liked about your memoir was the onamonapias. It brought a lot of life into your memoir. The intense moments in your memoir went from good to amazing. I really enjoyed reading them in my head. The best one was probably when it said “As he chased my sister, he only went after the bright blue and pink socks. SLAM! She slipped and fell on her bottom, as Kobe still wagged his little tail.” It brought so much energy to the paragraph. My first quick wish for you is to fix the random spaces. It is quite annoying! My other wish for you is to add more figurative language. I did not see too much of it and it was disappointing. Other than those two things it was a great memoir and really fun to read.

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I loved the memoir! You did such a great job. Something you did extremely well was describing how you felt with the dog. How you realized it was  a lot of work. I adored how you included a lot of inner thoughts with your piece. They really helped me understand your feelings more. Something I think you could improve on is really elaborating on what your dog looked like when you got him, along with why you named him Kobe. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your piece!

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I love how you started your greeting and then you dove right in, talking about how you love softball. You did an awesome job saying “While I am not in school, I am getting dusty and dirty on the softball field.” That part I thought was absolutely amazing! Great job with that. Another thing I liked about your piece is when you talked about how you love to draw. You were very descriptive and I absolutely adored the sentence when you said how “it lets your biggest imagination run wild even on the smallest piece of paper. That sentence is so strong and powerful and I think it fits your writing. One thing I think you should add in your writing is more of your dislikes. You talked a lot about your likes and I feel like you only talked a little bit about your dislikes. It might be a good idea to add some more of the things you don’t like into your writing. Besides that little feedback. Your writing is fabulous, well done!

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Something I enjoyed about your About Me is how you described a lot on your likes and what you enjoy doing. I also love how descriptive your piece is, and your sensory words. I’m not sure what you could really add to your piece, but I think you could add a little more detail to your dislikes. Overall, I think your About Me is really great!

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I love how you put your dreams and wishes in your About me. I love how you said i want to be USA softball and become a famous pitcher. I bet that if you keep practicing you will get to your dreams, I also love that you love to pitch, I know some people hate to pitch and are struggling to find a pitcher for their team.It’s so cool that you love to follow what you love and not what others love.I wish you would talk about your gurney of soft ball.Like how you started it. Or when you started,Is it your absolutely favorite thing to do in this worl,Have yo won any big tortemnets

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One thing I really liked about your price is all the details you give. You give a lot of information about yourself and how much you love softball .

I liked it when you just keep telling me about softball. Another thing I liked was your word choices. I thought you used some good words in you piece. I thought when you said “icky” was a good word choice. Another good word you used I think was “certainly” However I did think that you could have written a little bit more. You did write quite a bit but i do think that you could of better than that.

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I thought that the words you used were very descriptive and the way you put the words was great! You also made it very interesting and exciting to read. I can’t think of something you could work on because it was amazing but maybe you could add more details?

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I love the way you wove your words into a beautiful story that tells your readers about yourself was incredible. I loved how you added descriptive sentences about how your dream job was being a softball pitcher.”While I’m not in school, I’m getting dusty and dirty on the softball field. ” Another thing I found interesting about your piece is you quote because I’ve never heard it and your quote was good information. Although you had many good things about your About me I think that you could’ve changed the text color or background because it was harder to read.

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I thought that the words you used were very descriptive and the way you put the words was great! I can’t think of something you could work on because it was amazing but maybe you could add more details?

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Juliana-A strength of your About me is the way you described your dream and how they connected to your hobbies. I have known you for quite some time now, and I didn't know that you dreamed of becoming a pro pitcher for team USA.  I also loved the way you described what you love and why you love it. Amazing job on that!Another thing I think you did really well on is the title, the greeting and the closing. The title was eye-drawing. The greeting defiantly made me want to read more. The closing left us readers something to remember. For the site itself, something I think you could fix is the font color for the About Me. It is a little hard to see the text on top of the pink background. Overall, amazing work! I am excited to read your peices in the future!

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Juliana-A strength of your About me is the way you described your dream and how they connected to your hobbies. I have known you for quite some time now, and I didn't know that you dreamed of becoming a pro pitcher for team USA.  I also loved the way you described what you love and why you love it. Amazing job on that!Another thing I think you did really well on is the title, the greeting and the closing. The title was eye-drawing. The greeting defiantly made me want to read more. The closing left us readers something to remember. For the site itself, something I think you could fix is the font color for the About Me. It is a little hard to see the text on top of the pink background. Overall, amazing work! I am excited to read your peices in the future!