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Hey, un cool math games, an amazing part of your story is the suspense. Meg said, `` Where’s dad”? Worried wondering where he has gone. She has no clue where her father went and she even said it another time. Her brother screaming woke up calling her. One wish that i have for you is that you should’ve stated dumb baby better. Overall intermediate essay.

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I really liked your story and think it was good. It also fits the name really well. I also don’t think I saw one grammar error so that was good. The only issue is they ending did not really make much sense but other Tran that this story was really good

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Hi, Cmid! One strength in your essay, Your description and detail as you really show the reader this scene of the kid who has troubles with school and schedule waking up and completing work. How you tell us what he looks like and how he feels and what he’s doing. In addition, I like how you use the right transition words in each transition body and you state your facts and evidence and lead directly to your claim without any hesitation saying what the topic is and what side you stand by and the facts that lead you to believe this. However, a suggestion I have is elaboration and going into detail and facts of why this is what you really think and what the effects either one side has or the other on your life and rest of your day or week/weekend how this may weigh on your shoulders or how much time it may take up. All in all, Great essay CJ.

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Hey, CJ! I liked how in the Sum you said that a later start time would help the students and the Staff for better learning and better teaching if they had longer sleeping because if they sleep longer it improves your mood reduces stress and think more clearly and do better at school or Work. Another thing i really like about this essay is that you said if this isn’t resolved in the future people should take a vote depending on there child’s mental health or thier ability  to even like school. You were stating ( i think ) that students would have a choice to go to school or not, students should always go to school to fulfil there academic dreams. I wish that you would’ve changed that sleeping is the most important i would say its 1 of the most important.Overall good essay.

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Your essay was really great and outstanding! I really liked your reasons for everything and how you wrote your essay. I also feel like there is nothing you can do to change your evidence because it is very convincing. The only issue with this essay is the self pronouns, But other than that I feel like you did a great job!

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You did a really good job adding all the details and how nervous you were. You also added so many metaphors and similes it was good. I just wish that you used more descriptive words, but other than that great job.

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Great job on your memoir, i really enjoyed the lesson learned at the end! It was rich in descriptive words. I loved the detail you put in to the coaster and how it was scary approaching it (JUST LIKE WHEN YOU APPROACH ME). I also love the details you put into how you looked and felt. You gave us a feel for your hair, skin, touch and feelings. But i do think you can extend the end a little. It was kinda rushed but overall it was a good memoir! (WILD TOMMY M CRAWLS BACK INTO THE BUSHS)

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One thing you included in your piece that really stood out to me was your thoughts. The way you told us what you were thinking as you went through the story was phenomenal, you telling yourself that you couldn’t do it as you looked at the huge line and the roller coaster as you showed your emotions really brought out the story. In addition your description was amazing. The wind pounding on your face, The sound of the leaves crunching, You quivering out of nervousness and the ride taking off. You really made me feel like I was in the moment with you seeing these things happen all at once. One thing I noticed was that your piece was really short and if you added something like what you were thinking in the car or what you were trying to hint at-the story could have been much longer and interesting, amazing job Cj.

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A strength of your memoir was how you had a short moment and not a long moment because the memoir could have been like a 30 minute memoir but you shortened it well. You also did well explaining where you are and who you are with. I do recommend you make the memoir longer though because it seems a little short.

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I'm very impressed by CJ by your about me page. A strength is when you said “Some of my hobbies are soccer and drawing. I’m great at writing intros and endings” I thought it was so smart when you mentioned your hobbies like soccer and drawing. It showed the readers what you loved.  In addition It showed what you did not like also. In the text “hate stuff like wet grass and snow” It shows the readers that you also have dislikes like every other human, A thing that. I hope next time you actions after words like for example in the text “My name is Cj and I love to run” our you could make it My name is Cj and I love zooming through the falley breezy. Other than that it was amazing to keep up the great work.

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I like how you described that your body was moving closer and closer to the big blue roller coaster that you were scared of, i also like how you said that wind was -10000 degrees Hershey park is fun. i wish that you could’ve had more descriptive words.

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A strength of your about me is how you used words like disgust and adore. They really make your story interesting and exciting. Another thing I thought was good is your ending, I Really loved the wording in it. Something you could have done better is the length, I felt it was very short, but besides that I love the about me.

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First of all, I really, really like your quote. Also i like how you said your favorite foods, like pizza and cheeseburgers, i can agree with that. But one wish is mabey to describe it more.