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It's not often you can achieve quiet time in the city of Rochester; most days, the air is filled with sirens, the night is flooded with noise, and there's really no stillness that lasts for 6 hours. So, I intentionally scheduled a trip north and was warmly welcomed at a retreat center in Adirondack Park. Overflowing with gratitude, I thanked God for His presence, for covering me and my family and for the opportunity to hear nothing but Him and nature. I took time to pray, read and studied scripture (Psalm 27). I reflected on my purpose for seeking God and attending seminary. I ate and napped in quiet stillness and was able to receive His voice without distraction. "Trust Me, when you don't think you can trust anyone or anything. Count on Me, when all seems far off." Surrender has been difficult; but, out on this walk and throughout the mediation, I realized, again, that letting go and letting God have authority, power and direction is easier than trying to control everything. I do not control my heart rate, my oxygen intake, or brain waves while I'm sleeping, but He still wakes me up. So I will trust Him, take his guidance, and give Him glory.

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My never clean, always chaotic backyard. 

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I had planned to go to a park. There are plenty nearby and the views here in SoCal are lovely. As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed that the kids (a boy and girl, 10 and 12 yrs) were both gone. My wife was getting ready to leave to go into the office with some unexpected work that needed her attention (she would normally be off for Christmas break like I am). She said she would probably be in her office the rest of the day and the kids would be with her sister until 9:00 PM (a get-together with their cousins). In preparation for having family over for Christmas Eve, I saw that the backyard had been tidied up and with everyone gone, I figured my favorite place to be would be here. I love order and tidiness and for the sake of peace, I gave up on the backyard. Taking advantage of this rare treat, I hung out here most of the day and the main question I contemplated was, "What are you hoping for?" My greatest wish has always been to have an exceptional evangelistic impact, taking advantage of unique opportunities and platforms of influence that have been provided to me, and inspiring others to reach their unsaved spheres of influence for Jesus. For twenty years that was my job as the pastor of evangelistic outreach at my church. Then, a little over two-and-a-half years ago, the global ministry organization Reasons to Believe offered me a job, recreating my role in their farther-reaching parachurch context. For the last 22+ years I've been blessed to live out my calling to its fullest and this last 2.5 years have provided that in ways I never imagined. I am humbled and grateful and want very much to be faithful with this platform God has provided. To be the best ministry leader possible, to pastor and equip the community of Reasons to Believe to reach their unsaved loved ones with the gospel, and to see as many people as possible in heaven, I am honored to pursue an advanced degree in ministry (DMin) through Northeastern Seminary.

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By Rick McVicar

I visited Whetstone Park and Library in Columbus, Ohio for my retreat. Took pictures of snow covering trees and thanked God for the beauty of winter. Stopped at the library to read books of poetry. The work of Nikki Giovanni was especially captivating, with her discussions of race and food. She made comments about how blacks and whites think differently about fried chicken. I felt God telling me to keep appreciating diversity as I begin a new ministry. I also felt God telling me to keep beauty and nature in mind as well.

I also read the beginnings of Ezekiel and Daniel. Ezekiel had a vision about a wheel and Daniel interpreted the dream of a king. Spirituality and ministry can be pretty dreamy.

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Peacefully Waiting for the Light to Change

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New York City isn’t exactly known as a place of retreat or peace. It’s currently our hometown, and one day while walking in Manhattan, I noticed something that stood out to me. In New York, almost everyone jaywalks — no one waits for the light to change. While living in Montreal, Canada, I saw a very different rhythm: Canadians patiently wait at the crosswalk, even when no cars are coming.

One afternoon in Manhattan, as I crossed against the light, I clearly heard a "Still Small Voice" say: “Can you wait for the light to change?”

I laughed it off and kept walking. But again and again, I heard the same still small voice: “Wait for the light.”

I shared this with my husband and our daughter. Our daughter, simply said: “Next time…Ask God why.”

So the next time, I stopped at the corner and actually waited.

I asked, “Lord, why must I wait? It feels ridiculous — no one waits to cross here.” His reply was gentle but clear: “ I want to spend time with you. Pray for that corner, for that neighborhood, for anyone standing nearby. And most of all, talk with Me, I miss you.”

Now, no matter how empty the street looks, I wait for the light to change. My husband, Brian, now waits with me. What once felt strange has become strangely peaceful — a reminder that God can use even a red light in Manhattan to draw us back into His presence.

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For my spiritual retreat, I spent some time walking and reflecting on what a call to service means to me. This calling isn't going to be an easy one. I see lots of examples on what not to do and how not to be. I will simply walk the path that has been laid out for me.

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Today I had the wonderful opportunity to spend the afternoon at a cottage on Lake Ontario. I spent the day in prayer, reading, journaling, meditating, napping, walking, and kayaking. It was a rejuvenating experience which allowed me to enter a much need time of solitude.

After dragging the kayak out of the water just before sunset, I reflected on what a blessing it is to have the option to go on such a retreat. In a world and culture that demands so much of our time, I was reminded of how special it is to be able to disconnect from the world and reconnect with God. I also reflected on what a privilege it is to be able to pursue theological education. I’m sure that being surrounded by those who have the same curiosity for the Lord will be spiritually formative. Overall, the retreat provided me time to contemplate all the ways in which I am blessed by the Lord. I’m excited to enter this next phase of life with all of you!

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Today, I find myself tending to my plants in God’s presence with a quiet awareness, as if standing at the edge of something sacred. There’s a stillness, a gentle invitation to pause and listen. I sense God drawing near, not with fanfare, but with tenderness. I’m reminded that His presence isn’t always loud; it’s often found in the whisper, the breath, the moment between moments. I feel anchored, but hungry. My spirit is grounded in God’s faithfulness, yet longing for deeper revelation and communion.

I believe I’m in this state because I’m transitioning, stepping into seminary, embracing new leadership, and holding space for others while still tending to my own soul. It’s a season of stretching, and I’m learning to lean into grace.

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I started the retreat apprehensive. As the retreat unfolded, I became settled and fully at peace. Spending time in prayer and seclusion is something I do frequently and have found to be a great asset to my spiritual journey. It's been three years since I graduated with my BA, and my brain is not as sharp as it used to be. I have noticed as I go through the orientation, my brain is firing on more cylinders!! I know I'll be ok and that God would not have called me if he was not going to equip me for this work. I am ready!

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Jacob Yeary- Reflection time

My reflection time consisted of me going to the Word of God. What stood out to me is Hebrew 4:12 (KJV). For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Starting my seminary journey has me curious in whether I am taking the right path or not. I always felt that I needed to know  what I should be doing in life. But, for the first time in my life I am walking by faith and not by sight and have strong faith that God led me here for a reason. I am not sure what I am called to do yet but I have decided to take up my cross and follow Christ as he leads me throughout this journey.

During my reflection time I believe that God speaks to me through the Word that was made flesh. John 1:14. Sitting in silence allowed me to realize that any time I feel trapped in any form of intrusive thoughts I can bring them into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)

At this time in my life in the presence of God  physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I find myself realizing that I need to accept and surrender every part of me to God not just some areas.

Having faith that God is, has, and will always be with me brings peace to my heart and everyday he will pour love into all areas of my life that I am willing to surrender to him.

What I mean by this is letting go of all things that are earthly that don’t matter and to always keep my focus on God no matter what. Doing so will allow his love to flow through me and reached souls throughout the world by the grace and will of God.

Overall I find myself locked in (focused) on him everyday.

-Jacob

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What a beautiful day spent with Jesus-five hours of complete bliss! I plan to do this more often. Thursday, 17th began with rain, followed by sunshine and humidity, with temperatures reaching 88 degrees. I thank God for air conditioning! The day was spent at home enjoying my flower garden and the lovely smell of damp earth and freshly cut grass in solitude. I started the morning by reading scriptures, which led me to meditate on various commentaries. I took time to speak with my Lord and Savior in prayer, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude, often moved to tears. I am reminded that my Lord and Savior did not bring me here to abandon me. I spent hours in reflection, asking God to continue leading and guiding me. I prayed for strength to avoid distractions and stay on the path He has set for me, until my journey is complete.

I know there are ungodly spirits around that wish to see me fail, but today I feel assured by the Holy Spirit that I will find comfort in the presence of the Holy One while enjoying the quietude of my home.

I took a walk outside, savoring each moment in conversation with the Lord. Even though the humidity and heat were stifling and posed a risk to my health, I remained grateful and unbothered, thankful to enjoy this God given day. God reminded me of His words, "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10 NKJV). If it weren't for the Lord, I know I would not be here.

While enjoying my favorite iced coffee, the thought of studying theology filled me with excitement. It not only fuels my desire for a closer relationship with God, but it also deepens my understanding of myself and human nature. I pray for the strength to serve the Lord more effectively, seeking his will rather than my own, striving for a fresh start and the removal of the thorns in my life.

While watching the wind rustling through the tree leaves from my front door, I read Ecclesiastes 2:24, which reminds me that it is good for us to enjoy the fruits of our labor and all the gifts God has given us while we have the chance, because life is but a vapor..

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This is what I saw last night from outside of my house. This storm came in fast and furious. My house is where I did my spiritual retreat today. The storm last night reminded me that there are many storms in our lives. Those storms can come in various forms. As I listened to God speaking to me today, I realized that storms can lead to detours. How did God speak to me today? Through minor annoyances and literal detours. Let me elaborate. I woke up today, excited about this spiritual retreat. I was going to fire up my Blackstone and make a big breakfast to start the day. I looked out of the window and saw that it just started raining. So, I cooked on our stove. It wasn't as good; however, it was just a little annoyance. I had it all planned out today. I was going to go to a beautiful winery today and soak in the scenery while reading Scripture. I found out that it closed early today. Another detour, but that's okay. My wife and daughter went to a concert, so I had a quiet house all to myself to do my spiritual retreat. I'm a person that hates the quiet. So, this is where I need to grow. I decided to put on some Christian music. It was ironic that Hulvey came on with his song, "Rain on Me." The lyrics go, "Rain on me Lord, help me grow." I need growth in a few areas in my life. One being quiet and still, so I can listen to God speaking to me. Another is that I have control issues and I want to do things my way. I need to learn and put into practice that popular phrase "Let go, let God." After feeding my soul today, my body wanted feeding. I decided Panda Express sounded good. As I was driving there, the road was closed to where I needed to go. I had to take another route that was way longer. So I got my food and was heading home and my daughter called. As I was talking to her, I forgot about the road being closed and drove to the same spot and had to turn around. Finally, I made it home and as I was eating my Chinese food, I realized God was speaking to me through all of my detours that I experienced today. Today wasn't how I expected or planned it to be. It was better! Better you ask? Yes, I learned valuable lessons today on giving God control of my life, embracing the quiet to hear His voice, and celebrating life even in the storms. Life is beautiful, even if it doesn't go like we thought it would sometimes. I am excited to start my journey in seminary and give it all to God!

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My retreats are taking walks with me dog. She is a beautiful golden retriever. She loves me unconditionally. I look at her and I see how much I am loved by God. She is happy to see me. She lays by me to comfort me when I am feeling sick. She brings me balls for me to take time to play and have joy. God is not only like that but He is more. So if I want to retreat about my desires, all I could think is that I want to be a golden retriever to people. I can’t be as good as God. But unlike my golden retriever I can bring the needs of others to God. So to sit down for 4 hours trying to contemplate my plan is to just not try.

Sounds odd but when I have a hard problem at work, I walk away. I don’t think about it. Then for some reason it just comes to me. What came to me was my golden retriever. Love unconditionally happy to be with people comfort everyone I meet and bring joy.

My path is unknown but like a golden going on a walk just doing the walk brings joy

Helen

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For my spiritual retreat today, I spent time walking along the Cumberland River that hugs the city limits of my hometown. This is technically 1st Street, but is actually now named "The Captain's Riverwalk." As part of recent Main Street revitalization programs, this quiet part of town has been cleaned up and set aside as a dedicated walking path. It was a great place to unplug and spend time in intentional prayer with the Lord as I contemplate what going back to seminary looks like.

As I asked the Lord what He wanted for my time in this new season, the words "joy" and "presence" kept coming to mind. I know this was no accident; I lost my grandfather last week (he had Parkinsons and dementia), so I feel like I have been walking through grief for a long time. The grief of seeing him turn into someone who wasn't the same person I've loved for 31 years was crushing, and now I wrestle with realizing the hope of heaven and feeling a very real emptiness at his passing.

As I was processing what it looks like to honor this grief and still engage in genuine worship - especially in a time of change - the Holy Spirit reminded me that joy is one of His fruits, and in His presence there is fullness of joy (Ps. 16:11). I can bring my whole self to Him - all the grief, hope, excitement, heartache - and trust Him with it because in His presence, there truly is fullness of joy and the path of life. I am excited to see how He moves and refines me as I continue to process this grief but look with hope toward the future as I come back to school to learn how to better serve Him and His people.

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I begin my walk with a small task. Greeting my parent's dog to let him back inside.

I begin to venture up to my parents, walking and bracing for the cold of this Brisk January day. But in the process, I can't help but appreciate the snow and the relative quiet of our area. Some find it isolating, but there's a solace that comes with it.

As I continue my walk, my mind races with thoughts. About work, seminary, business, taxes, military, etc. Some thoughts are anxiety-filled; others are exciting. These thoughts don't fill me with much peace at this moment. As I approach my parents' home, I greet their dog Luke, who's very happy to see me. As I let him in, I take a few minutes to reflect: "Am I on the right path? How committed am I to this end? Are my aspirations or my ego getting in the way?".

In the midst of these thoughts, I notice the woods. Specifically, how still, and at peace it all seems. I take a minute, gather myself, and eventually retreat into the woods. In the process, it strikes me as curious how an area I once feared as a child, has become a bulwark to the chaos of civilized life.

I eventually wandered to a set of rocks, finding a relatively comfortable, albeit cold, place to sit. I eventually notice the canine tracks wandering over part of the rocks. The thought, "Probably the coyotes again," crosses my mind. They've been coming around during the evenings.

After some time of journaling, prayer, and reflection, the birds start to sing again. Finally, I acknowledge the relative safety of the moment. After a while, I hear a small snap. As I turn, I see a small herd of does wandering through. They don't notice me quietly sitting, only about 10 yards away. I appreciate how settled they seem, even with how harsh the weather has been for them. They eventually retreat into the pines, likely looking for shelter or for food. I call out to them to make my presence known, which prompts them to scatter.

Though they don't realize it, I am no threat to them. On the contrary, I hope to make an environment where they can prosper—a reprieve from the pursuits of the weather and our coyote pack. I internally pray the mountain lion isn't prowling about, if only for their sake.

It does strike me at that moment how the lord seems to do the same for us. To try and guide us through these situations, secretly doing things behind the scenes without us ever knowing.

I find solace in the cold, in this wilderness. But I have to return home eventually, as I can't stay here forever. My hands are cold, as are my face and my feet. As my beard begins to freeze, I decide to wait just a while longer as I sense a vital lesson being reinforced.

With a little more time, I feel contentment in the discomfort and appreciation for everything and everyone around me. Especially for everything the lord has done for me and my family. I realize that seminary, that work, and that business will all work itself out.

And with this sense of appreciation, I finally depart and begin my walk back home.

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I spent the late morning and afternoon at the Sisters of Mercy retreat center in Auburn, CA. It was a beautiful day, but it was very windy. I was glad I could sometimes retreat to my vehicle to get out of the wind. The beauty of the landscape was enthralling, as was the labyrinth, the Redwood trees, and the gently flowing stream. There is so much I could have spent time talking with the Lord about. I ended up focusing on the idea of presence and being still. I walked a very elaborate labyrinth and found myself getting insights about the closeness of God in some constructive ways. I have spent much of my life trying to make peace with others. Yes, I am an enneagram nine. I spent this day, however, living with the peace of God, over, in, and through me. This idea is becoming the bridge for my next level of spiritual integration. “Be still and knowing that I am God” is my most profound need. This is my calling. When I found this secluded bridge, it captured my takeaway for the day.

My prayer

There's so much in this world that I could do. Help me not to see the world as a place of duty or tasking but as a place of awareness and being in your presence. May my love always be complete for you, and when I'm with another person, may I be fully present, loving them as I love myself.   Thank you for your presence, God. I am yours, and you are mine.

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I certainly enjoyed my retreat time this week. The only problem was it felt way too short. I just felt I was starting to slow my heart and mind down to fully engage when it was time to leave. Our world has been very topsy-turvy for a few months. My wife and I both work full time, myself as a lead pastor of a church, and we have taken in our twin 4-year-old grandsons for the last 8 months. We have been living at a much more demanding pace and taking time to stop and reflect does not happen as frequently as it used to, nor as frequently as it should.

I have believed that this is the time to step out and do the DMin program, but in an already stretched and stressful state, I have many concerns over the unknowns. I guess I started the retreat with a lot of emotions pulling in different directions: excited, apprehensive, uncertain, etc.

It was helpful to have time to walk, nap, rest, and sit in solitude and silence with Jesus. I felt I was reconnecting with him in a deeper way and able to hear his kindness and encouragement in my heart. I know he will be with me on this journey and rather than it be the thing that disrupts our lives, it will be the catalyst for being more intentional about living in the peace of God.

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While looking outside my window at the trees and reading one of my devotions for the day on Devine Delays it had me thinking how often has the Lord sent me on another path to protect me. The scripture of the devotion came from Exodus 13:17. Thinking about 20 plus years when I felt a tug to preach the gospel, but felt I was not ready for it. The Lord sent me on another journey to strengthen me. Exodus 13:17 in summary talks about how the Lord sent the Hebrew around through the wilderness towards the Red Sea instead of the closes route towards the Philistines. The Lord felt the Hebrews would turn back around if they had to face war. Thinking of my past, if I would had jumped into the ministry then I might had turned around. I know now that the Lord has strengthen me by serving as a police officer in my community. It has shown me what obstacle people face day to day and how ministering to them can help give them hope. I get excited everyday, looking forward to learn more about our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.

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This retreat was exactly what I needed in this season. This day I was actually at the hospital with my wife hoping to welcome our 4th son into this world, But.. He wanted to stay in a while longer. I entered this retreat tried and yet expecting. As I spent time in worship and prayer, the phrase "Trust me" came to my mind over and over. When I opened the Bible I went to Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..." This was confirmation for me that all that was about to come would be due to me trusting in God and His will. With a family of soon to be 6, a full time pastor of multi campus church and now about to pursue my DMin; Trusting the Lord with it all is the best thing I can do.

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When reading through the new student orientation I saw that we have the opportunity for a spiritual retreat and it reaffirmed that I made the right choice with choosing a seminary to deepen my faith AND academic study. Without a doubt this retreat (or Poustinia as I kept telling by wife!) was something I was eagerly looking forward to and I knew exactly what I wanted to do, in early November I joined my wife for a wedding confrence (she owns a wedding planning company) out west and I knew it would be a perfect time to slip away while she’s learning how to run a better business and I can go off and find a place spend this quality time with the Lord. Working through the prompts, praying, resting in his presence, was all incredibly enriching to my soul. I have both eager excitement and a nervous anxiety about starting school but I know deep in my soul this is where the Lord is calling me and he’s teaching me to walk by faith and not by sight (which for me, a very black and white kind of guy, can be a challenge). Throughout the time of prayer, reading, and listening I was constantly going back to that exact thought: this (seminary) is going to teach by how to trust better, and what at first started out as seminary being primarily about enriching my mind, it’s quickly becoming more about deepening my trust, and to me that is very exciting. Enjoy a view from my little reading place I found in the mountains. Thank you for coming along and God bless everyone!

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Thank you, Jesus.

Those were the words I couldn't stop repeating as I spent yesterday morning in God's creation. For my spiritual retreat, I opted to do a hike about 15 minutes from home in Grand Junction, Colorado.

I noticed my thoughts were filled with reflection on my journey with the Lord. Much of my time hiking I was pretty speechless--just in complete awe of what the Lord has done in my life up until this point.

As I paused to consider my feelings surrounding seminary, I felt mostly excited and somewhat nervous. Excited to expand my worldview and study God's word in a classroom setting. Excited to be in class with people from all different backgrounds and denominations. Excited to further pursue the call the Lord has put on my life. But also nervous: nervous about managing my time efficiently or that I won't be "smart enough."

However, I finished the retreat feeling a sense of confidence in the Lord and my calling, ready to embark on this new journey!

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I really enjoyed this time spent in retreat. I went to a park, where I was able to spend time out in nature enjoying God's creation. I sat on a bench for a bit, praying and working through the reflection questions. I then spent some time walking one of the trails, and found a nice spot in the woods to sit and read. I felt very refreshed by this intentional time away with God, and I would really like to do this a lot more often!

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It’s been a very hard summer. I’m emotionally, spiritually, and mentally tired from work, ministry, and complicated relationships. I recently created a new space for starting seminary, so I used that quiet room and a candle for my time in retreat. The Lord spoke to me in powerful but tender ways this morning. Reminding me that I am fragile like a jar of clay. BUT. I hold treasure in this cracking vessel because of HIS all surpassing power.

He is so good. He is so loving. I am not crushed, in despair, abandoned, or destroyed. Praise Him!

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I signed up for courses pretty late in the summer and then stumbled on the personal retreat information. At first, I thought, "Oh no! I wish I had seen this before I had already done a three-day spiritual retreat in mid-summer!" But then, I looked forward to it as a reason to do one more retreat-type activity before starting classes. For the personal retreat, I revisited the site of a spiritual retreat I had done this summer as I was exploring spiritual direction as a vocation (or maybe avocation? Not sure yet!). I met with my spiritual director and then explored an unfamiliar park nearby. The park was wooded, with a creek (or, crick as we say in Western PA!) running through it. As I approached the creek, a blue heron took to flight from the water. I stood in the creek bed, and read from an American poetry book that I had re-discovered on my bookshelves that morning: some Anne Bradstreet and William Cullen Bryant to start the day! Then I meditated on the 23rd psalm as I listened to the not-quite-still water that I was standing beside. As I reflected on starting seminary, I have to admit that I asked myself whether I had made the right choice. I mean, I spent the morning physically at and near the seminary by my home. But, I do think I'm on the right path and what I desire from the experience is knowledge, understanding, truth, and a new stream of faith to explore. I hope to connect with fellow pilgrims and experience new insights, and a refreshing of my mind--a renewal. I feel at peace in God's presence and I believe I'm being told to not pursue a 9 to 5 job right now. I believe that God desires that I have more peace about what I accomplish--that I surrender all achievements and accomplishments to him.

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I appreciated the time today to pause and reflect on my path forward. Not only with my upcoming theological training, but also with my part-time ministry with international students at one of our local universities.

I view this upcoming educational experience with both positive anticipation and also some trepidation, as it has been a number of years since being in a college setting as a student. My sense is that NES staff and other students will be supportive, as the goal is to not only be self-equipped but to also be able to equip others as God provides.

To spend time listening for God to speak is wonderful. I trust some of the thoughts I had today were inspired by his Holy Spirit.

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I completely forgot to upload this after my retreat last week! As I often do, I had a small sidekick with me on my retreat, so we made it a local retreat. We walked to the park, where a family we know happened to stop by, and it was life-giving to interact with them for a bit. Then we took a long walk around town, something I don't ordinarily get to do, and it gave me a chance to take in my community in a fresh way. We got ice cream, picked up lunch and a couple more books, and then headed home, where my toddler went to sleep, and I was able to sit outside and journal, then eat a peaceful lunch and rest. It was life-giving, in a few days of challenges. I'm eager to get going in this class. It's been years since I've been in school and I'm excited to see what God will do with this time.

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As I think about my return to academics after more than three decades of working, it is a bit daunting.  I am thankful for this space called Personal Spiritual Retreat.  For the first time in a very long time, I don’t have to be in a hurry.  In the past, I was always rushing and taking notes of some new work requirement to add to my To Do List.  It is refreshing to slow down and be reminded that God is the one Sovereign.  I am not.  It was God all along.  He has prepared me to be here for such a time as this.   I expect my new seminary journey will be challenging and rewarding at the same time.  I also know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  For preparing to begin my theological studies, I took advantage of a 3-day milestone birthday weekend in Ft. Walton Beach, FL.  My family knows that I enjoy all bodies of water, be it oceans, lakes, and/or ponds.  No alligators please! For one of those mornings in Ft Walton Beach, I decided to go to the beach to see the sunrise.  At the beach, I sat at an empty picnic table in the quiet of the darkness just before the sun came up.  With my face towards the vastness of the Atlantic Ocean, I could hear the water crashing up to the shoreline.  Then, I could hear the water slowly recede backwards, returning to its place of origin.  I sat at the table and prayed.  I had been reading Psalm 104 and it was closest to my mind in meditation and prayer.  I walked out closer to the water, removing my shoes and letting my feet sink into the sand with each step.  Once I got to a spot between the picnic area, the pier, and the water, I looked up.  I could see the moon beginning to look transparent on one side of the sky as it was about to disappear.  On the opposite side of the sky, there was a speck, a sliver of light barely peeking out from over the horizon.  I found a place to sit on the sand and communed more with God.  As the sun continued to rise, I started to see the ripples of the waves rushing up and crashing as they met the sand.  Then, the sound of sea gulls and other birds surrounding the ocean hovered over spots in the water, looking for their early morning breakfast.  People with fishing poles in hand and buckets began to fill the beach as they headed to the pier.  I moved back to the picnic table, where I could wipe off most of the sand and put my shoes on.  They were fisherman.  God is preparing me to be a better fisher of man.  I looked back to the water and could see the turquoise greenish color glistening as I heard more sounds of the world waking up to another day of God’s goodness.  God used this retreat to show me that He is The Light of the world.  The world is filled with spiritual darkness.  God has the power to dispel all darkness that we encounter.  He is The Creator, Provider, and Sustainer of the universe.  God is doing a new thing in me. I am grateful and a bit nervous that He finds me useful in Kingdom building at this magnitude.  The Holy Spirit whispers to my heart, "The footprints in the sand are Me carrying you."  He promised that He would never abandon me.  He reigns over any concerns that I have about my studies or His will for my life.  Thank you for the opportunity to document my encounter with God on this personal retreat.

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The dam broke in 2018 and the lake is no longer here, but the trails are and they are beautiful. I started my morning rushing to get to Lake Hiddenwood Recreation Area. I hadn’t slept well the night before and had been awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night. Epiphanies in the middle of the night don’t seem to be my thing, so the fact that I got a couple out of the blue, seemed to be God sharing some wisdom with me that I got to think on during my retreat.

I realized I was rushing in the morning and decided to slow things down and appreciate the process of getting to my retreat. I enjoyed the hugs from my children. I even enjoyed seeing a random foot in the air as I wasn’t seeing my entire cat, but I knew he was cleaning something. So many things are a rush to get to the end product/experience/etc. I became more intentional on my drive to the park. I saw a bright white calf in the dark shadow of some trees. I saw a huge cow struggling to get up, and chuckled at how she struggled because she was a well-fed cow. The light sparkling on the dew in the grass.

I had already started to struggle with the feeling of not being good enough for seminary. I already feel as if I’m behind and might not be intelligent enough. I keep focusing on end results and realized that I can’t focus on the end so much. I need to focus on the journey. My epiphany in the middle of the night was that David could be considered a forgotten child. (I’m already going to butcher this, but I’m summarizing my thoughts on scripture) When the prophet Samuel came to anoint the king who would follow Saul, he came to the family of Jesse and he looked at all the sons and God rejected them all. God said people judge by the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7) Then, Samuel asked Jesse if he had anymore sons, and Jesse said they left the youngest out tending the sheep and the goats.

Can you imagine being Samuel and the person you are searching for was considered so unimportant that they left him back with the sheep? David became a great person, but he had a long journey to get there.

It made me think that I need to stop focusing on getting everything perfect and simply enjoy the journey.

I’ve never done a retreat like this before and I left feeling refreshed and calm. I have to remind myself that attending classes isn’t for grades, it’s for the learning and the journey.

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I've always been a writer. As far back as I can remember, my "play time" was spent writing stories. I used to pull blank pages from my family's dot-matrix printer and carefully tear off the perforated edges from each side, or my mom would bring me scrap paper from her work. I'd write with colorful markers on the blank back-side of the page while she made dinner.

Like so many others here, I had a hard time carving out quiet time for this Spiritual Retreat. It's a season of busyness for our family, with college students and their friends coming and going most days, and the erratic evening schedule of a graduating H.S. Senior. (So many banquets!!) But I used only the blank space on my calendar that I could find -- which, ironically was filled up almost immediately with an event I had to decline in order to properly retreat!

I spent the afternoon, quite appropriately, at my mom's house because she lives in a quiet neighborhood and has a beautiful garden. It's been one of my favorite spaces for the last 20 years, in part because I know how much work my mother puts into caring for her plants and trees and flowers. Gratefully, I didn't have to travel far to step aside from the busyness of my daily life, I only had to break the routine on purpose.

Two important memories I'll share from my reflection period. One is pictured, the purple fountain pen. This was a birthday gift from my mom last year that she was so excited to give me for my writing. From the woman who has equipped me to write for as long as I could hold an implement, it was fitting that -- as I look forward to our Publishing for Ministry class -- I would respond to the reflection questions in longhand with an ink pen, and in her quiet garden.

And, second, I listened to worship music while I went through the motions of retreat, so that my mind would participate with my body. A certain song caught my ear, "He's Always Been Faithful," by Sara Groves. The song is a variation on "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," and as it turns out, that was a message my heart needed to hear. You see, some of the "noise" that's been crowding into my mind lately has been anxiety that I won't have time to take a reading- and writing-intensive course and meet my full-time work and family obligations.

But, great is His faithfulness! I've been through Seminary before and know very well that I absolutely will not have enough time for everything, or feel like I do anyway. The purpose of carving out space for creative writing intended as ministry is not to earn an A+ by following the syllabus to perfection. It's to see what good and perfect thing God will do when I open a blank page and sit in a quiet place and invite Him to join me there.

-- janna rider

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As I embark on this journey of seminary, I am nearly overwhelmed about being overwhelmed. This is the 3rd time that I have returned to graduate school as an adult, but I am no doubt in the busiest season of my life. I have been the Associate Pastor at Cayman Islands Baptist Church for 8 months, and I have no doubt that this is where God has called me. However, due to health issues with our Senior Pastor, I have assumed the lead role in his absence. God has prepared me, yet challenged me in this role. It is in this position that I have recognized some of my academic inadequacies and have answered the call to pursue a DMin. Living in a new country, with a new job, new friends, and new cultures, has its challenges. However, I am confident in God’s provision and trust Him to give me the wisdom and strength I need. I am excited about the journey ahead. This morning, as I watched the sunrise from South Sound, Grand Cayman, I prayed and reflected. I wanted to skip this time and just move on, but my heart yearned for peace and quiet, to sit still and talk with God, to worship, and read. I hope to make this a regular practice, but recognize it will take much discipline.

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Normally, I would find an outdoor space for this type of exercise, but unfortunately the weather in Memphis has had me stuck indoors. I spent time both in my home and in a coffee shop and used lots of colorful pens to write out my thoughts. I enjoyed the time. After a hectic week with my son out of school for icy roads, it was great to take a breath and be reminded how and why God led me to this program and prepare my heart to receive whatever he has for me.

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I have not completed the retreat, as 4-6 hours uninterrupted in this season of life will take some serious planning, but feel inspired to begin planning to do so. Thank you for the beautiful recommendation.

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As I look at my big map on the wall, my heart breaks for the people all around the world. Persistent prayer changes things but we most also put our faith in action. Often my time with the Lord happens in my office. I am able to shut the door, turn on some worship music, read the word and begin to pray. One thing I feel that the Lord is asking me to do in this season is to wait in his presence. Not worrying about the next thing, the next opportunity, where my family is being pointed because God wants to spend unhurried time with me.

Life can get busy and for most of us, we could let the busyness of life get to us and then we forget the most important thing, time with God. As I continue to have my unhurried time with him, I encourage each one of us to dig deeper and long for his presence.

Blessings

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This is my office at home. I spend a lot of time in here reading, reflecting, and just being quiet. This room is a retreat for me on a daily basis. As I reflected on the retreat questions, I found the following answers:

I am nervous about taking a class. Will I have enough time to participate with excellence? Do I have enough knowledge to write and respond with intelligence? I have been through the rigors of a masters degree from seminary and a PhD, but I still feel inadequate most of the time. However, I have a desire for more knowledge about God's word and to engage in meaningful conversations with other believers. I want to learn and grow in understandings of Scriptures. My prayer is that the Lord will use this time to grow me, open the doors of new friendships, and give me a clearer direction on His call on my life for ministry.

Right now I find myself a little lost...2023 was an emotionally rough year. There was turmoil within my church and a position that I was confident of has become one of uncertainty. I am no longer sure of my place. My oldest son and his wife moved to Albany, NY for his job - this is a long way from us in East TN, and my youngest son graduated high school and went to college 3 1/2 hours away. HUGE adjustments. Perhaps part of my return to school is to fill a void, but more than anything, I want to know God's will for my life and seek His next steps. I believe that He gave me the desire for knowledge, and that even though I don't know the end result, I know He has a plan for me.

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Okay, so here’s the deal. When I decided to attend seminary, I determined I would do so honestly and authentically so I’m going to tell you the truth. As I read the suggested requirements for this portion of orientation, I knew I was in trouble. I became aware almost immediately of an equal but conflicting internal response to this invitation; both self-protective. On one hand, my historically over-achieving, recovering perfectionist self wanted to crush this “activity” so hard; I wanted to curate the perfect spiritual experience and be able to report back about how beautifully impactful it was for me. How safe and rewarding that would have felt! Unfortunately, I also experienced significant emotional resistance to engaging in this task at all. My relationship with structured spiritual practices (as well as organized religion as a whole) is, to say the least, complicated; I’ve only recently decided to not do away with the idea of Christianity and, therefore, God all together. Given how rusty I currently feel engaging in such practices, the thought of trying to do so for that long and then sharing my experience publicly felt too overwhelming and too vulnerable.

Despite all of that, I also desperately wanted to re-engage in this way. So, instead of opting out I did what I teach others to do. I found the middle road, leaned into my strengths, and decided to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I picked up lunch on my way to my favorite local park on Christmas Eve and sat alone in my car (which means that technically I was still out in nature) for about two hours (the lower end of the suggested time allotment minus the proposed nap which I assumed would be about two hours long if done correctly; math has never been my strength but this feels like it adds up). I spent that time journaling my responses to the provided prompts, exploring my emotional resistance, practicing gratitude, eating my lunch, and attempting to connect authentically to God through prayer. At the time I felt palpably certain that my efforts were woefully lacking. I considered scraping this attempt as a failed trial and giving it a second go in hopes of a more impressive outcome…and then I remembered that I’m not actually here to impress anyone and that I am not alone in my desire for spiritual growth and healing. God wants this for me too. I felt reminded that I’m not solely responsible for my spiritual journey, that growth and healing are messy, and that showing up where/how you are and just offering what you have in that moment is enough. Isn’t God amazing? Showing up like that to provide what I lacked and to cover my efforts in grace? I genuinely look forward to a day when I can easily lose track of time engaging an invitation such as this one; and because I believe God to be faithful, I know it will come. And when it does, how genuinely safe and rewarding it will feel!

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I spent the afternoon on my back porch enjoying the weather as it was starting to chill down as the sun was going down. The beauty of God's artwork was painted across the sky as the farmland continued for miles. I reflected on God's creation and the amazement of His creation. I thought about how He could speak this into existence with His words.

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I was recently away on vacation and took a day for my spiritual retreat. I spent time on the balcony of my room overlooking the vast Caribbean Sea in all its vibrant blue splendor. I am apprehensive and nervous about starting seminary school. Through prayer and meditation I know it is the path for me, it does not make it any less nerve racking however. I hope not to just stay afloat but to exceed even my own expectations. God has reassured me that this is where I need to be and He will be there to guide me along the entire way. I pray our Lord guides us through these challenging times and come out with relationships closer to Christ than when we first entered.

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Given the rather rainy chilliness of Rochester falls, I spent my retreat day in in an extended time of worship, reading, and prayer. I admit that when I first saw this on the orientation modules, I was a bit daunted at the idea of taking time toward the end of the semester (I'm currently a full time student, so final papers and exams are in full swing) to do something that would not include more words toward a final paper being put on a page. I'm so grateful that we were encouraged to do this, though. It became a time of amazing blessing both heading into classes next semester, but also just to finish out this one. Getting to dedicate that time, my efforts, energies, aspirations, good days, and hard ones to God showed me again with great power my own smallness and inability to do any of this and His desire to do it all and receive all the glory because of it. God used that time to refresh and excite me for next semester, and I'm so excited to see what He has in store for it.

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Well, imagine my surprise after looking at all of your beautiful posts to not find mine. I have been traveling and I guess between the planes and airports what I wrote didn't get posted nor can I find it. Hmmmm, remember to take a breath and be in the present moment. My spiritual retreat was paired with Grandma duty with Lilly the flower girl. I went to Thousand Oaks with my daughter and her husband whose little brother was getting married. The evening of the wedding after I got Lilly there and she did her part, I was free to go after her mom and dad came back up the aisle as they were in the wedding party too. With Lilly glad to be back with her folks, I had 3-4 hours to myself. After walking the area where the wedding was, a lovely garden, I returned to the hotel. This time was spent with the Lord in a quiet, beautiful place. After stretching and meditating to still my mind, I had a peaceful and nurturing time. I am excited to be back in school as I love having intentional time to learn in community, to dialogue and reflect and try on new ways of thinking about my spiritual life. I have been in a time of deconstruction since 2017 and am finding that as I begin this season, I am open to all the Lord has for me. I do not remember all of the thoughts I originally wrote and will check my journal after I arrive home to add anything important. Right now it is time for me to fly home. So excited to be companions on this journey this fall. Cheri

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Spiritual Retreat – One on one time with God

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Spiritual Retreat – One on one time with God

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I spent a beautiful Saturday at the Maryville Retreat in Holy, MI.
The retreat center offers several trails for hiking, a beautiful lake, and various locations on the grounds where you can sit and just talk with God. I had a small cabin, where I was able to sit and read my Bible and have lunch between hikes, enjoying the lake, and being alone in nature, walking and talking with God.
My main goal during my reflection period was to blot out all distractions, become one with God’s creation, and focus on God’s presence in my life. I prayed for God, to use me in some capacity to build His Kingdom, to use me has a vessel to intercede on the behalf of others, and for the Holy Spirit to guide me through this new journey at Northeastern Seminary. I left the retreat with a feeling of contentment, calmness, and an inner peace. Looking forward to my next retreat.

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Working in higher ed, the few weeks leading up to a new semester or school year are always quite daunting, and adding in seminary this fall, I was certainly feeling both excited and overwhelmed.
Taking time to break and breathe, away from other chaos and stressors of my world was a gift!
I've recently been struggling with being a young professional and living in a small town/small community where there are not many in my same demographic. While this is still the reality of the community where I live, having time away with Jesus to intentionally reflect and pray was invaluable. Spending time thinking about what this time in life means for me has given me a fresh outlook on this season of life and the beauty of this era and how, while I'm not where I envisioned myself at this time in life, there is purpose in my here and now.
I have also felt the pressure of knowing exactly what I want to do in my future and needing to know exactly what I need to do. However, sometimes I feel like I have too many dreams to accomplish in my own strength and lifetime and feel confusion or indecision winning out. Choosing to pursue my masters feels like I'm more firmly choosing one of the paths or dreams, which means saying no to the others for awhile. This has made me feel a little bit sad the last few weeks as I think about that... I am now in a space of, and had time for, mourning the paths I'm not actively pursuing, but so excited about what possibilities lie ahead with my decision to start my masters and remain in my current role working with undergrad students.

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Kyle Hopkins: Hike and Reflection - Adirondacks (ADK)

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Kyle Hopkins: Hike and Reflection - Adirondacks (ADK)

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Yesterday was a glorious day for a retreat/solo hike - sunny, but cool. Unfortunately, the mozzies (mosquitos) also thought it was a glorious day to be out and about - so when I got to the secluded pond, Upper Sargent Pond - mile 4 of hike, where I was going to sit, meditate, and write in my journal for a few hours, I had to do a quick turn around (just a quick lunch break) because I was the main event for the mozzies! Hard to "Be still and Know that I am God, " when getting eaten alive! I ended up writing my reflections in my journal on my screened porch back at our off-grid camp. What struck me most by my 8-mile hike was how strong I felt. Last year I was diagnosed and treated (lumpectomy, chemo, radiation) for breast cancer. Last summer I did half the hike (4 miles) during my chemo regime. It was a slow, deliberate, and joyful hike - communing with nature and God, thanking Him that I could actually go that far! This year, I was back in my usual fast hiking form. That felt like a miracle, so I was thanking God for his provision and healing (I am cancer-free!). And though my body and energy are starting to get back to normal, I am grateful to say that my spirit and soul have grown exponentially during my cancer journey. They are not "back to normal." My spirit and soul are somewhere I never would have guessed -- on the road to seminary! Hallelujah! Ephesians 2:10 was a constant help during my treatment - knowing that I was "His Workmanship" - ouch, the tools God uses - Yikes! Cancer! OK, OK, I surrender!! But now, about to start seminary, I would not trade my cancer journey for staying where I was before I was diagnosed. I am preparing my heart, soul, mind, and body for this next adventure, seminary, and I know that only God will get me through this one, too -- just like "the canca" - Looking forward to meeting my seminarian cohort!

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Spiritual Retreat - Orienting Myself with God.

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Spiritual Retreat - Orienting Myself with God.

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"Orient": verb (used with object)

to adjust with relation to, or bring into due relation to surroundings, circumstances, facts, etc.

to familiarize (a person) with new surroundings or circumstances, or the like:

For my personal retreat I went to a nearby park where I often go to wander with my dog. I moved to upstate NY late last fall from the Pacific NW and I miss the feeling of being surrounded by trees and green. In this park I feel like I can breathe a little deeper and think a little clearer.
I am only dipping a toe into seminary this fall by taking one class (Spiritual Formation). I am in a time of listening and asking God for wisdom and discernment and I hope that taking a class will help me discern whether seminary is the path I am called to walk.
Yesterday when I went out for my spiritual retreat my mind felt chaotic. I was a little frustrated with myself for not being able to easily slide into a "spiritual" mindset. But what I am learning in this season of grief and transitions is that God is with me in all circumstances and whatever thoughts are weighing me down, He is there with me, inviting me into conversation. And if I need to say the same thing in a hundred different ways, He is patient and gentle with me as I process.
I have always been a planner and a control freak. And then all of my plans were crumpled in a ball and tossed away. So here I am, looking into the murky waters of my life and asking God to help me stay oriented to Him and His voice and to trust that His plans are good, even if I have no idea what they are right now.

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I am both excited and cautious as I prepare for this journey. I’m excited to learn, to grow, and to engage others in deep and meaningful conversations about following Jesus. I’m hoping to gain greater insight into my own spiritual formation, how to better help guide he local church into Christlike formation, and to hear and learn from other students.

Take some time to reflect on how you feel about starting seminary – note that you may be feeling several “different” ways all at once!

I am excited and eager to learn. I enjoy learning and sharing what I am learning with others. I’m looking forward to the routine that a program like this provides. I thrive on order and discipline. I am also cautious and slightly anxious because I am in a season of trying to slow down and this seems to be quite the opposite of slowing down. I am sure there is a way to pursue this degree in the light and easy yoke of Jesus.

I hope to grow in my understanding and practice of spiritual formation. More than that, I hope to become more like Jesus during this season. Reading will introduce me to new ideas, practices, and book mentors.

As an introvert and a relator I am looking forward to getting to know some of the people I will meet on this journey and hearing about what God is doing in their lives. I value deep friendships and am looking forward to the possibility of making new friends along the Way.

I am physically more rested today than I was two weeks ago. The exhaustion has passed and there is a sense of refreshment on the horizon. Mentally, I am thinking more clearly and more slowly. I have fewer responsibilities as this moment and I am enjoying the rest that comes with letting others oversee the work. Emotionally, I am walking with the Holy Spirit through some very difficult past realities, but am gaining insight and healing. Spiritually, I am stepping deeper into the abiding relationship of Jesus.

This present experience of resting in God’s presence is the result of past habits, current opportunities, and future possibilities. Isaiah writes, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15 ESV) Resting and quietness are turning my soul back toward my Shepherd.

My wife and I are entering into a new phase of life. Three of our six children are married and out of the home. The three remaining children are completing high school and college and will soon be moving out on their own. As homeschool parents the transition from being fully invested and in control of their education has become relegated to cheering them on from the sides as they continue their education. Our roles are changing. In addition to that change, we are both process past childhood trauma and learning new ways of being which necessarily involves learning new ways to communicate. This is where I am most in need of God’s grace and mercy.

I believe that I have struggled with low self-esteem for most of my life. I assumed my high achieving tendencies were due to perfectionism, but I know think it has been due to lack of a healthy self-image. Jesus is helping me through this.

- George King

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Boats and boating--Equipment and supplies

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I went on a spiritual retreat at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden (commonly called the Garden) and during my traveling to and from the Garden. I regularly go to the Garden (it’s a park with flowers all over the place especially during spring and summer), as going there helps me to feel a deeper spiritual peace and helps me deepen my faith in God even more. I went to the Garden specifically for the retreat during a time period on a day that I didn’t have any work I needed to do during. It was a pleasant day weather-wise; it was partly cloudy and not too warm. There was a nice breeze. My retreat really started as soon as I got on a train to begin traveling to the Garden. When I started that journey, I put work and things that cause me stress to the back of my mind as best as I could (God has been working with me to help me to do that more when I should, and I was able to ignore that work and those stressors even better on this retreat). I just focused on more deeply letting God give me deep spiritual peace and listening to Him. (I have gotten much better at listening to and trusting Him over time; doing those activities pretty much permeate my everyday life.)

I enjoy train rides, and enjoyed looking out the train window at the environment going to and from Brooklyn. I loved seeing the older brownstones I passed on my way walking from Atlantic Terminal station (big train station in Brooklyn) to the Garden, and looking at the flowers and trees in the Garden. Multiple times, I prayed to God and thanked Him for good events when I noticed them, I read the Bible, and read part of a book for fun, too. I was around people from more diverse backgrounds and still heard hardly any noise other than the sounds of nature and birds (most people were being quiet and enjoying the peace and beauty of the park and Garden). The mostly silence helped me to focus on God and His desires for me in the current time and in the future, and anything else He wanted to tell me and talk about with me, and how He’s preparing me for seminary and the future. Part of why I find it to be so deeply peaceful at the Garden and why being there is so good for my spiritual well-being and faith is that it is good and more peaceful for me to be around more of God’s children, and there are both more Jews and more Christians in Brooklyn than there are where I live on Long Island (Jews and Christians are both minority groups in the town I live in on Long Island).

Something God has been working with me on is trusting Him even more deeply to provide me with the opportunities He wants me to have and not overthinking what I need to do to try to achieve the goals He wants me to do. Going to the Garden and experiencing the deeper spiritual peace I feel there and after going there, and thereby going on this spiritual retreat for the seminary program, has helped me to become even more receptive to that message from God and to trust Him more. I am generally now even calmer and spiritually still (I was often calm and spiritually still before the retreat, too). Also, as I reflected more on at the Garden, going to seminary is another part of my journey with God, and I am not anxious about going to seminary and the work it entails. I’m trusting that God has and still is preparing me for it, as He is doing with everything else in my life, and I’m trusting that God will get me through the challenges of seminary and that He will bring much good out of it. I know that God wants me to do the MA in Ministry Practice program with Northeastern Seminary and I’m looking forward to the program and this part of my life journey! I’m grateful for the retreat I did, too. It was peaceful, helpful, and enjoyable!

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Funny....queue says "write something incredible!"  Here I am, three days post my 50th-year High School reunion and I am feeling like I've only started my summer after senior year.  I recall much, going into University Fall of 1973.  Here I am.  Wiser? Older? Calmer? More in tuned with the woman I am, or have become? A true student of life and The Lord? Why do I feel flustered? I'm in unfamiliar territory of being the one who is on the receiving end versus the doing/giving end.  I am more humble and vulnerable than I have been in, okay, decades! It is NOT FUNNY, God! You have turned my life in upside down trampoline somersaults where doors opened and shut right before my eyes.  You have become the final resource that I have spent far too many years running from and now I am only able to run TOWARD You and expect, without shame or hesitation, that YOU WILL Pick me up and cradle me, hold me, sing to me, and nurture me with absolute pure love.  I know today, it could only ever have come from You.  Not even the destruction I received in my parental home could overcome the most indescribable, freeing love I receive when I am in solitude and silence with You.  I have done the healing work and it continues.  I have done the studying and they continue.  I have done the scrubbing of floors and steps from the bottom to the top...and now I see there are more yet to climb.  I am Yours to continue molding.  I have nothing without Your love.  I am absolutely full to overflowing when I am with You.  And, I now know, You continue to direct me to seek MORE! More of You and less of me.  More of Your wisdom, kindness, direction, love and to stop thinking I must accomplish this all alone.  These moments of silence and solitude are to see from whence I came and to where I am in this very moment and to enjoy this absolute freedom regardless if my FAFSA SAR is connected to NES...it will happen.  It is because YOU have been the one to orchestrate this from the moment of my conception to now..and well, even before You created the Universe.  As Psalm 139 says, You knew every hair on my head.... and watched me form in the womb.
Lord, I am Yours and I am free and I am just beginning...again, to learn and be and follow You even more deeply and simply.

I need not force anything. Not having fear of being verbose or too brief.  I am in Your mighty presence and I weep for my humble stance. I rejoice for all You have brought me through to this exact moment in time. I know there is no mistake for any of it. I know You are the Great I AM. I know I have the mind of Christ and my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I am feeling the essential power of Your presence. I am quieted in the storm and I shout in the piercing silence. I have no thing to fear nor be concerned. All is well with my soul and I know God's divine love and I am filled with it....with You.

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I spent my time on state land at a nearby park. The day started out sunny and I took some time to walk the paths to just get my mind a chance to unwind and focus. To be honest, just sitting in quiet has been a learning process for me. I often have music playing or am journaling or even praying out loud. To sit in the stillness of God has really stretched me!
I ended up sitting in the shelter because eventually the sky turned gray and it stormed and stormed! I literally had no cell service and with the downpour it was absolutely a time to just press in.
I really got so much out of this time. I journaled, prayed, read scripture and just sat and look out over creation.
I came out of this hearing from God and feeling so refreshed. I want to make this part of my life at least on a monthly basis. I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I feel like it is so needed.

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G-D speaks to me in unique places.  I discovered this during the pandemic when I found myself in alleys and run down neighborhoods looking at "street art."  Hence, I decided to take my spiritual retreat over a series of days by revisiting some of the street art I found during the pandemic and taking long walks in the neighborhood.

The thoughts that came to my mind along with the scriptures that were emblazed on my heart over the week were as follows:

Luke 8:16 - "No one lights a lamp and places it under a bed." G-D used this scripture to encourage me to make my "Calling" public at the start of my formal ministry, and it serves as a reminder for the work ahead.  (Detroit Mural, upper left corner.)

Luke 10:2 - "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few" came to mind as I looked intently at what some would call weeds.  The array of "weeds" that came in all colors along with the one that seemed to stand alone, reminded me of the children's song that says, red, yellow, black or white, we are precious in His sight.  Long story short, the world is still in desperate need of a savior and the Good News! Am I willing to go into all the world...?

The last mural reminded me of the famous Japanese proverb and the three monkeys - "speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil." But, during my second visit to the site, Deuteronomy 29:29 and the "secret things" came to mind. What are the unmentionables? What are we hiding? It pained me to think about race relations, the status of our schools and our unwillingness to teach the truth along with the laws that are being enacted to discount groups of people. I couldn't help but wonder - Where is The Church?

However, the next day during my walk, I studied the picture in my mind and the Holy Spirit gave me a new interpretation - Lo, I am with you always.  Look for me with your whole heart, and you will find me.  The question for you is this - Are you willing to speak for me?  Do you see me in all people? Are you listening?

My response - Speak Lord, your servant is listening!

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It's so like God to force me to retreat in the exact way that I needed instead of how I wanted. My plans to retreat were to get out to a local county park, but between my allergies and the wildfire smoke, I was forced to spend less time outside than I wanted. What I received was a quiet, cool house (with no kids!) and to experience the LORD in my home where my soul often exhales. The LORD once again showed me that he inhabits every space and I have access to him everywhere. As I process the start of this seminary journey, the first emotion that comes up for me is excitement. Learning and growing and the Bible are all so exciting for me- so anticipating the start of seminary is a positive feeling inside of me. Although, my body and mind are telling me that going back to school is going to be different this time. I am older, and have a family that still needs me to be tuned in to them. Thinking about going to school and having a family sometimes feels a little overwhelming. Doubts begin to flood my mind, and I question whether I can do this. But then, I remember the deep peace that the LORD has given me that now is the time to start seminary. He reminds me of all the times He has been my strength, and I know this is right.

Through these next few years of seminary, I hope to not lose the posture of being a student. My prayer is that the more I learn the deeper the humility dwells within me and I begin to understand more fully that there is so much more to know and understand. I pray that the parts of me gripping onto ideologies or orthodoxy that I am not meant to white-knuckle will start to loosen their grip and I become more gracious and merciful. I pray for the Spirit to transform me so that the world may see King Jesus shining through me.

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Spiritual retreats are a great time to reflect. I appreciate this special spiritual time to reflect on where God has brought me from and where God is leading me. Spending time to reflect on the DMIN journey what comes to mind is Psalm 32:8, “O will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” I have confidence God is in control of my life and in control of my seminary journey. I pray He will guide my steps and lead me to clarity of purpose.

Spiritual retreats help focus prayer and God’s direction. I sit and think during times of reflection about what God has done. He is omnipresent, He is everywhere and promises to be with us. He is omniscient, He knows all things, the past, present and future.

My quiet time is sitting in my office meditating and praying. I think about how Jesus retreated to the mountaintop to spend time with God, and to hear from God. Solitude in my office is my retreat time of reflection. I hear from God through His Word and reflect on His will, my calling and future. I thank God, in Jesus Name for His Grace, Mercy and His Love.

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DaQuall Graham - Thoughts About The Orientation Spiritual Retreat

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DaQuall Graham - Thoughts About The Orientation Spiritual Retreat

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Taking time to unplug from the world and plug into God is significant and transformative. This retreat provided an opportunity to remove the distractions of everyday life and intentionally focus on thinking about this seminary journey and connecting with God and myself. In addition to thinking, prayer, meditation, Bible reading, and studying provide guidance, direction, wisdom, and renewal for growth. Reflection is another crucial aspect that was much needed, provided by the silence and solitude from the natural surroundings of God-made wonders like mountains, streams, animals, insects, flowers, trees, and more. This is decompressing, given that I live, work, and minister in a dense populace.

Walking, sitting by a stream, and observing animals are great escapes, and I often make beautiful connections with scriptures, parables, and metaphors for life. This picture is of one of my favorite retreat places in the Northeast that affords all those mentioned above: the White Mountains in Jackson, New Hampshire.

As I begin the journey toward a D. Min. this retreat reminded me that God is with me and to remember and draw strength from that. I will need to do as Jesus did and retreat to withdraw to draw more power. Life's responsibilities, challenges, and distractions can make one believe they can't afford to stop or slow down, but God's voice is heard, strength is received, and sustenance gives when I take time to be with Him.

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As I embark on my seminal journey I feel anxiety, excitement, gratitude, optimism, and a multitude of other feelings. Hence, I graduated from university 13 years ago. I am hoping for a good education, better relationship with God and to better serve my community in any respect needed. When I arrived at the initial site it was beautiful, but I could not settle. It did not feel right. So, picked up and moved to a spot with a big pond and proceeded to pray!

Starting my walk, immediately I was drawn to the strong smell of flowers. Life around me was so busy. The birds were talking, flies buzzing, frogs jumping, bees flying around, and the geese were present with their newborn. My dominant feelings at this point are gratitude, with a bit of anxiety, excitement, and strangely less fear. I remain grateful because everything is provided. Some of the main things I want to learn at seminary are: “more of you less of me, how to hear Gods voice do his will and not get in the way. I have so much to learn. I’ve had not theological teaching or training! This is all new to me. His will be done!

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Eucalyptus Park in Chula Vista CA (south of San Diego)

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What keeps running through my mind is how much time I will require to complete my reading and writing assignments. And it’s not that it’s good or bad, but rather that I need to come back again and again and remind myself to be intentional with my time.

There are things that I currently fill my day with that are probably not necessary. Those are the things that will go away and I’ll be spending that time with seminary work. It reminds me of this time that I’ve been in over the past few months; my wife, Lucila,  had cataract surgery done and I’ve become a caregiver for the moment. And a personal chef. And a chauffeur. I’ve found myself having to take occasional time off from work to be available at home when needed. I’ve been learning how to say “no” a lot more to things than I ever expected, things with church or friends that I often would have said yes to. One of the pastors that I report to explained that I’m “on sabbatical,” and he assured me that this is a good thing.

What am I hoping for? Having enough time to learn and do well in my coursework. Having enough time to be present for Lucila and my family. Having the provision needed along the way.

What I expect from my seminary experience is to gain clearer understanding of how to approach what God has called me to. From my studies, I expect to gain greater insight into pastoral work on not only a spiritual level but also practical. From relationships with people I meet, I expect to build friendships and connections that will last well beyond my time in seminary. What I expect from myself is to stick to it and push through even when things get difficult. From God, I expect Him to make all these things work together for my benefit.

How am I right now? I am at peace. With everything that is going on around me, I have the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Physically, I’ve been experiencing some health challenges but I’m optimistic that it’s getting better each day.

Mentally, God has been changing the way I think. He has been taking me out of my old ways of living and thinking and put me on a new path that I never even knew existed. Apparently, He has a purpose for me, and I would never be able to fulfill it without knowing Him.

Emotionally, optimistic. I won’t sit here and say that I’m not worried about the future. But I want to be careful about how I deal with it. The instructions say to submit to God and cast all my cares on Him, and to give Him my burdens. So that’s what I’m doing right now. He promises that He will give me rest, and that He cares for me. I can’t help but feel emotional, knowing that He has this covered. I feel relieved.

Spiritually, I feel closer to God than I’ve felt in the past. In the past month I’ve received some freedom ministry through a couple of our elders in my faith community. I was able to walk through steps of (substitutional) forgiveness and let go of some things from my childhood that I didn’t even realize were affecting me now, some 40 years later. I’ve been seeing God, myself and even the world around me through a clearer lens. And I think this has strengthened my relationship with God as well.

If there is one place in my life where I desire more of God’s peace, it would be in the area of provision and finances. It just seems like that’s the area where I’ve experienced the most spiritual attacks, especially when taking my seminary classes. It’s almost as if whenever I get started getting into a good routine, balancing life, work, school etc. then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose and I have to stop my classes for a while and change my routine. I’m determined to not let that happen this time and to push through what clearly has been designed to deter me from completing my assignment.

I think this is the area where God also wants more shalom for me. And He wants me to confront this giant and take its head off. He wants me to experience the process and the battle and His presence in it so I can also experience the victory. It’s a bit like a combination of how the Israelites came from wandering around in the wilderness and then crossed over the Jordan to possess the promised land, and how David won the victory over Goliath.

I see a new chapter ahead of me. One where unfinished business comes to completion, a place where rivers spring forth in a dry land. I'm excited and optimistic.

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I got rained out of my original plan for my spiritual retreat, so I elected for a cozy spot in one of my most recent coffee shops—surrounded by plants. Most of my time was spent simply reflecting on the faithfulness of God up to this point of my life. Master’s and seminary work has been a dream in me for quite a while now!

Towards the end of my time I wrote down this prayer: “I simply want to know you—and I simply want to know you more. I see this as an opportunity to walk deeper in my relationship with you God. To know you more deeply, to know you more sweetly, to know you better in the dark, and to know you better as the Light.”

I ended the day with a walk in the rain, embracing the refreshing and releasing.

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Found a spot by the water, cute picnic table. I was trying to start out with a Proverbs, and was all of a sudden had a goose literally right next to me. I was fine until he started picking at my blanket and decided it was too close and I walked away and then tried to get it away! I spotted a beautiful red cardinal, so many wood peckers! The goose wasn't leaving though, and the Spirit reminded me of some truths.

How many times do we act like a goose. We swim up to the shore, start walking around, curious, thinking we own the place. How gentle the Lord is, patiently watching and sitting at a nearby picnic table or bench, waiting to see what we do. Making noise to remind us he is present. Grabbing a branch and making himself look bigger to catch our attention and scoot us back. Reminding us it may not be the place we want to be. (Trying to get into the trash of a nearby trashcan.) Trying to get closer to God, nibbling at the blanket wrapped around him, but growling and guarded at sudden moves. Wanting to be in control. Be scary. Be in charge. until eventually wandering back to the safety of the water. Going back to our place of normalcy, where nothing is in our way. Where we eventually fly off, trying to find the next place we might be able to take control. Wandering. So close to experiencing God at his fullest, but unable to see the other side, unwilling to let God touch and move us in fear of the direction we might get put in.

The Lord is good and I am so grateful for the time and space to just listen, just hear his small whispers and reminders of the beautiful creations around me, including myself. I'm ready for this adventure call Seminary!

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I went to the Dillon's Nature Center in Hutchinson, KS for my personal retreat. I was a little bummed looking at the forecast since it had called for rain, but it ended up being the most perfect weather for this day. Jesus met here beautifully and it was so needed. I spent a good time sitting on the bench in the picture listening to all the birds, the streams of water, looking at the scenery (there was a good-sized pond to look out upon), and journaling. I ended my time there (spent about 2 hours altogether) by walking some of the beautiful trails they have. I'm a native Michigander and have been missing spaces like these since I moved to Kansas last year. I didn't know this place existed until recently and it was just what I needed in this season of life.
One of the passages of Scripture I read on this retreat was Psalm 139 (one of my absolute favorites) and the verses that stuck out to me this time were 17&18: that God's thoughts about me are NUMEROUS and PRECIOUS. With ordination around the corner for me and seminary classes starting in just a couple short weeks, this was such a beautiful reminder that when God looks at me and thinks about me, He sees and thinks GOOD things; His thoughts are precious and they aren't just few, they're plenty. He's so so good to me and I love how He meets me in these sweet little ways. :)

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Prayer Labyrinth at The Springs, a beautiful place to meet with God in southern Indiana 

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I relished the time of retreat this past month, walking the trails, praying in the chapel, and listening to the birds. God continually draws me back to what I had journaled, hearing from him then and demonstrating that his promises for my life are true day after day. He reminds me of my constant need for him to direct and even create my paths.

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My office.  Here is my retreat center, when I can't get outside of course which is often in Rochester!  Here I've accumulated a lot of books which I cherish and refer to as well as those I can't wait to read.  Most often it's here that I practice centering prayer as well as other types of prayers.  It's here where I have most of my spiritual reading and references.  It's here where I can shut the door and the noise and cry, be angry, feel helpless, and express joy - all are prayers to God.  I also have a personal garden where, through nature, I also commune and talk with God and find my heart most satisfied.
Right now I am stressed by some concerns and very pressing obligations.  They all shouted at me as I prepared myself for this retreat.  But, after a devotion and centering prayer, I quieted those noises and was able to listen to God.  I'm taking this journey one step at a time, listening for His confirmation about taking Seminary courses.  Today He has reaffirmed that this is the direction I should go although the actual purpose is not yet revealed.
I think that pursuing these Seminary courses will be a shalom for me. I haven't had any formal Bible study for quite a while and it's absence does disquiet me. If there is no other purpose than for me to grow closer to God, all this will be worth it and I am very excited to begin.

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I am spending quiet time alone this afternoon in my home office.  The early spring sun in spilling in through the south window.  I am contemplating this educational journey (feeling very grateful and excited) and refreshing for Passion Week next week. I love the quiet.

I have cancelled staff meeting for tomorrrow and have cleared my schedule for the afternoon.  My wife will be working late.  Until 8:30 pm or so.  That will leave me some more quiet time tomorrow. It is my practice to do smaller retreats, more frequently. To thrive, I need slow, quiet, and simple. Regular, frequent retreat time is a necessity for my well-being and part of my rule-of-life devotional pattern ... Milt Van Natta

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On my spiritual retreat I went for a nature walk in my neighborhood.  I basked in the beauty of and was aware of God's marvelous creation. The clear sky, a bright sunshine, flower trees, and passers by.  I was aware that it was just me and God, although there were some sounds, but nothing that interfered with my inner communication with God.  I prayed and thanked God for life and the beautiful day in which I was able to experience.
I asked questions of God as I reflect on a scripture from Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. This verse resonates with me because God knew that I had a desire to complete my doctoral degree in theology and God brought it to pass.

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After weeks of deciding where I should go because of conflicting schedules and poor weather conditions, I finally opted for March 13, 2023. Since it wasn‘t convenient to spend the time outdoors as I had hoped for, I did the next best thing. I drove to Irondequoit Bay and Durand Eastman Park, where I spent more of the period in my vehicle reading, praying, meditating, listening to soothing worship music, and being absorbed by nature around me. I ended the day at Irondequoit Library with more reading, reflection, and prayer.

I started the day with prayer, feeling excited about my seminary journey ahead but with clear levels of uncertainty, because of the anticipated challenges that lie ahead. My uncertainties were due to the fact of not being in control because I’m not able to see the future.

I prayed continuously for God to reveal Himself to me and guide me on my journey ahead. Without a doubt, I‘m confident my prayer was answered as during the periods of reading and reflection, I felt like a huge weight was lifted.

As I sat there meditating, there were moments it appeared that the dark, dull day was brightened by the presence of God, as the sun emerged momentarily on a couple of occasions. The calm lake and snow-capped hills and slopes were more prominent to my view than the dark clouds, the denuded hillside, dried grass, and man-made structures.

The seagulls flying above the lake, swimming, bathing, crooning, and or preening their feathers, seemingly did so with an utter disdain for the cares and burdens of this life that as humans we have to contend with. Immediately I was reminded of Jesus’s words in Matt. 6:25-34 and 11:28-30 about anxiety and relaxation. I may not be able to see the uncertainties that lie between the start and finish line, but with confidence and faith in God, I have already seen myself at the finish line. If by faith I can see that, then I must trust God to deal with the “in-betweens.”

Along with reading my Bible, I read the chapter “The Anchor of Your Soul” from Spurgeon’s book, “Prayer & Spiritual Warfare” which emphasizes faith in the truths of God’s Word, as a means of keeping anchored to Him. As I read, prayed, meditated, and reflected I felt at peace, “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion…” (Phil. 1:6).

As I begin seminary, my objective includes continued intellectual growth, pursuing a deeper and clearer insight into the Word of God, forging professional connections, and lasting relationships, and making a valuable contribution to my field of study.

I pray that I will be to others what I hope them to be, true, faithful, and honest, a “servant of God and a friend to man.”

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This spiritual retreat was a needed distraction from my everyday life, but I did not succeed in the goal of getting away. In order to physically separate myself from distractions, I decided to go to a Spiritual Retreat Center not far from my home. Everything was set for my Monday retreat when the snow started falling on the Friday before and continued falling throughout the weekend.  Beautiful though the snow may be, the retreat center has no indoor space for pondering pilgrims, so that was out. I ended up going to a branch of the public library and sitting at a corner table trying to ignore the maintenance men fixing the Venetian blinds.

I could have, and probably should have, rescheduled the retreat, but with work demands and family needs, the odds are good that I would most likely have ended up right back at the library just before the due date.  So I stayed, as the library was adequate for what I needed to do: pray, read, contemplate, and reflect. It was warm and I had a nice view of the woods through the window that was next to me (see photo).

I began the time in prayer, then read the “Celtic Daily Prayer: Prayers and Readings form the Northumbria Community” book and listened to the most spiritual and contemplative music that I have ever heard - the movie soundtrack to “The Mission”. As I prayed and read through the Celtic Daily Prayer book, I thought about this huge undertaking that I have voluntarily enrolled in. I whole heartedly believe that God has prepared me for this season, and opened wide this door that I am bravely, yet cautiously stepping through. I am extremely excited for this opportunity and scared of the new unknowns that come with the beginning of any significant endeavor.

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What a lovely place I found in Kanchanaburi, a place where we went during our Christmas break.

I'm excited to start the Spiritual Formation Program, but so often I feel nervous too.
During this moment of silence Rom 8:15 came to my mind: 'The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”'

Praise the Lord for His word and His goodness.

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With temperatures frigid and so much hubbub going on in my mind, I was worried about whether I would hear God’s voice during my retreat. I have some anxiety about my lack of spiritual experience and biblical knowledge for seminary school, my career, and the future. My mind would not be still because I wonder if I'll make it.  However, to my amazement, our Heavenly Father was louder and clearer than any other thought running through my mind. From the moment my foot stepped onto the trail and my eyes took in God’s creation, scriptures began to pour into my mind one after another- Psalm 23, John 15:4, Isaiah 52:3, and many others. However, my mind kept going back to John 15:4. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” This scripture brought me back to the purpose of seminary school; so I could become further rooted in knowledge of his Word, however, it would be for nothing if I don't study his Word as I should. I was reminded again that his Word is active, sharp, and powerful. I confess I placed other factors before him due to the busyness and worry of life. However, praise God for redirecting my path to my true love- Jesus Christ, my Savior. The Lord has humbled me in this experience, and frankly, I needed it and am grateful for it.

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It was a beautiful January day for a prayer walk retreat through Clove Lakes Park to take some time to reflect on entering seminary.  I am feeling many things, but mostly I feel a deep sense of gratitude. God has been incredibly faithful.

Sure, I’ve had my share of challenging situations in life but I’ve come to understand and appreciate that the toughest trials focused my attention on what is truly important. God has never failed me.

So, I enter seminary with gratitude and assurance that the Creator is with me as I remain connected with Him.

My desire for myself is to fully enter each course with enthusiasm and wonder and to sharpen my questioning and writing skills.  I hope to connect with my fellow seminarians and faculty with respect, humor, love and prayer.

As my personal retreat day ended the sky was painted with glorious colors by the Master Creator. This beautiful sunset reminded me that, “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV).  Amen.

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I had a small, retreat for a few hours.  I have walked through this devotional that shared God's love for me.  I have been praying and crying out to God, "Why have you put me here? (In seminary)"  I am humbled and excited but also overwhelmed with nervousness and doubt.  Through this time of retreat and reflection, He said, “Trust me. Be obedient. Don’t lean on your own understanding.  I have called you as I called my Disciples because you are mine.”  I am ready to go deeper and submit to Him and abide in His love.

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The scrub lands of eastern SD County looking northeast

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I grabbed a coffee and a water bottle early this morning and drove up to the Iron Mountain staging area in eastern San Diego County. Now, I’m in no condition right now to try summiting the mountain, and the point of the exercise is quiet reflection—not being medevacked down the mountain by the search and rescue team—so I decided to stick to some of the flatter, less-travelled trails.

As I walked, I felt a connection with the Creator that I had not experienced in a long time. I became aware of my everything around me: a blue sky airbrushed in cirrus clouds, birds singing their arias in full glory, leafy sage and California lilac and spiky yuccas growing along the path, rough-grained boulders strewn as though freshly tumbled off the hillside, and moss and wild mushrooms nestled in beds of soil.

I found a secluded spot and sat down on the ground to read selections from some of my favorite Psalms: “The Lord is my shepherd;” “O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me;” “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly….” I alternated with unstructured prayer, more scriptures, and the Lord’s Prayer.

After a while, I continued farther up a beautiful canyon complete with a burbling brook, pausing at different points along the way to contemplate the beauty of the location, read more scriptures, and reflect on the questions suggested by this exercise.

It was the second set of these questions that particularly resonated inside of me: “How do you find yourself in the presence of God today?” I’m not starting seminary at some sort of emotional or spiritual apex. In fact, I feel disillusioned, tired, worn out, and sometimes discouraged.  I’m not thriving at any level that I can determine.

But as I spoke these thoughts in prayer, I had a mental image of myself stubbornly and comically insisting that I try to shoulder an impossibly heavy rock, while refusing to allow my all-powerful Heavenly Father a chance to pick it up for me. I’m in this state of emotional and spiritual exhaustion because I won’t let Him do the heavy lifting with all my life’s burdens! I’ve been trying to do everything myself.

As I concluded this assignment, I found myself walking a little lighter back to my car, feeling a little freer inside. I hope that this won’t be the last time I get to enjoy an unhurried time of prayer and contemplation with my loving Creator.

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I took a walk and had my lunch by Wollaston Beach in Quincy, Massachusetts. I sat and was silent where I heard the the clashing of the waves, birds and felt peace and the presence of God within me and through me.

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I am blessed living here in San Diego that I can go into my backyard and spend time with God sitting by the pool listening to the sounds of the waterfall.

On starting seminary I feel very nervous and mainly because of the topics that I feel God is leading me to study for my dissertation.  They are highly controversial topics (social justice, racism, nationalism) and I feel called to obedience to explore these areas, but wonder what kind of price I will pay for this. God is calling me to study, to find His heart and proclaim His truth but it never means that I won't suffer in the process of being obedient to Him.  I am prayerful that He will give me the strength and courage needed to obey Him through my time in seminary and hopefully the joy of embracing any suffering that comes with it.

Another thought occurs to me while praying about this; I constantly worry that in this busy world we are not silent enough to hear His voice or even to stop and listen.  Yet, I am comforted that He is always with me (not just when I am silent) and that He can find His place in my heart despite the noise and chaos of my life; His voice is loud enough to be heard over all other voices and His presence real enough to be felt at any chaotic moment of the day.  I stand so firm in this knowledge that I walk with Him through each breathe He has given me. Onward :-)

-Amy Cuthbert

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The Glory of the Lord at Hamlin beach state park

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The Glory of the Lord at Hamlin beach state park

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This summer my husband and I had an opportunity to go to Hamlin State Park for some time of reading, silence and reflection specifically in reference to our spiritual formation. We were there for three nights with our books and gazing upon God's great creation. It was so great hearing the voice of God in the motion of the river. I was so engulfed with his presence until I took the time to video it and post it to face book. It felt good to do nothing but listen, look and enjoy. Grace Douglass

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The Glory of the Lord at Hamlin beach state park | By Grace | Facebook

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80 views, 10 likes, 6 loves, 4 comments, 0 shares. Facebook Watch video from Grace Douglass: 80 views, 10 likes, 6 loves, 4 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Grace Douglass: The Glory of...

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Honoring My Limitations: an impromptu retreat

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Honoring My Limitations: an impromptu retreat

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I helped a member of our women's ministry organize a "relaxed and easy" 5k walk/run along a lovely trail, encircling an local lake. We had a small group of participants--a few ladies with their young teens and kiddos--so, I looked forward to some much needed "girl talk".  When I realized that I would be the only walker, I felt very disappointed.

Adjusting my expectations, I figured that "power-walking" would keep me from falling too far behind. But my best effort barely matched the groups leisure walking pace. Still, I bolstered myself with positive thoughts, and kept going. Then the group began jogging and my well of positivity essentially evaporated. In minutes, I lost sight of the group and found myself alone and sad. I felt like a failure.

Instead of following my instinct to return to my car, I sought God's comfort and wisdom. Checking the park's map, He drew my attention to a different trail that would lead me to our rendezvous point.

Along my new route, I encountered a carved statue of a hand with four digits. The missing ring- finger reminded me of a maxim about how the uncut wood, not the artist, decided the final piece. No matter how talented the artist, he or she can not produce what the wood does not contain. Ignoring this limitation is a sure way to destroy the intended piece and the wood.

During this impromptu retreat, God reminded me of two things: 1) the importance of accepting my limitations, and 2) that I don't have to be perfect in order to be beautiful.

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My personal retreat began with a heavy thunderstorm.  Since I had planned on being outside, I nearly decided to go back home and try again another day.  However, I sat in my car, thinking things over, and decided to take a nap.  I guess that was what I really needed, since I slept for two hours.  When I awoke, the sun was shining and there was a nice breeze.

I headed up the hill for a walk and ended up with an unexpected companion.  A large, white dog, who had obviously been playing in lots of mud, decided to trot along with me.  Even though I have been to the local monastery several times, I have never walked this part of road past the monastery, and was delighted to find more sheep and The Good Shepherd Cemetery.  The cemetery was a surprising spot and I lingered there for a bit before returning to the main chapel for Vespers.

After the service, I returned to my car for a light meal and then spent time journaling and praying.  My decision to attend seminary was not made lightly, and I have been overwhelmed by the support from family and friends in the past few weeks.  Although I am certain this is the path God would have me take now, I am sure to meet many more storms and be tempted to give up.  I have no clear vision of what happens after this part of the journey, but I am confident that as I keep walking, doors will open and ways will be made clear.

To God be the glory!

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Placing my trust in God - Jolita Yeataihe

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Placing my trust in God - Jolita Yeataihe

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I am eager to start seminary and learn more about what God has planned in my life. I feel that God is calling me follow his direction and go where he leads me. Starting seminary is where God wants me to be right now. I am a little nervous about the time commitment, but I know that God has directed my steps up to this moment. I feel hopeful that over the last year He trained me to spend some time every morning devoted to “quiet time”. I believe this time I can use to direct my attention to the class instead of using it for scattered interests.

I love sitting in my backyard in the solitude of the trees, birds, and insects chirping. I can hear the “woosh” of the trees and feel the breeze of the wind on my skin. I just had a most beautiful butterfly fly by me. All this reminds me of the grandness of God and how amazing He is to have thought of every little aspect in this Earth. I am thinking of the circumstances of my life and how he has led me to where I am today.

I feel God calling me to follow Him fully, trust Him, and know that His plan is good. That the relationships in the seminary will open my eyes and open new doors and opportunities I have not imagined. I also feel like I have neglected my relationship with God and have placed a lot of other things first in my life and now know that is not what God desires. I hope to learn more about the context of the Bible, understand it more, and be able to apply it to my life. I desire God to penetrate every aspect of my life, my relationships, my family, my job, and bring wholeness that can only be achieved through Christ.

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On August 2nd I went to my favorite spot in Letchworth State Park:  Wolf Creek.  I've many peasant memories with my family and grandkids.  I wasn't as interested in the stream or little waterfall this time but the trees.  If my picture comes up you will see several trees but there are three that captured my thoughts.  The first was tall and straight reminding me of my youth.  Second had a bent in its trunk reminding me of my slight kyphosis.  Third tree was rather precarious at approximately a 45degree angle.  It was still green and seemingly thriving.  I wondered how it could grow that way without falling.  Looking up the top was leaning on another tree.  Reminded me we need each other in this world.  Often I have helped other people but was reluctant to accept help when I needed it.  Pride was in my way.
After my husband's MVA which left him paralyzed many people offered help and I accepted.  I wonder how many people I've denied a blessing because of pride.
If I can keep Micah 6:8 in mind ( act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God) then I will become a good Chaplain.

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Marquise Kessee - My spiritual retreat...

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Marquise Kessee - My spiritual retreat...

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I took a little extra time with the planning of my spiritual retreat, and I'm so glad that God answers prayers in this regard! I created a reading corner that will allow me the separation space to be removed from my duties, jobs, and distractions and personal space to listen, reflect, and discern. The calmness that I felt during my retreat is such a welcomed feeling - a true change of pace from my normally busy (sun up to sun down, and later) daily schedule. Between juggling the needs of my family, work, church, and friends, I appreciate the attentiveness to helping me define this aspect and spiritual connection for my studies!

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For my spiritual retreat, I drove to Point Breeze on lake Ontario. It was an absolutely gorgeous day and the water was majestically calm. I went into it feeling very anxious about my next steps, all the needs of my family, the work to be done at home, finding time to finish the orientation, finances, and a new job I am starting. My time with the Lord was so sweet. He met me, calmed my anxious heart, encouraged my soul, reminded me of the calling he has placed on my life, and filled me with truths of his gentle, patient and unfailing love. This time away was exactly what my heart needed to step into the next season.

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Living in Buffalo, we haven’t had many nice days yet this Spring, so I took full advantage of the beautiful 80 degree day on Monday and took off work so I could enjoy God’s creation and get time with him before classes start. I decided to pack a picnic lunch with some of my favorite foods and head to the local park to enjoy the sunshine, read my book, and relax. As a new mom who is learning how to raise a child, and working almost full time while navigating what a healthy marriage looks like with a baby, I have been anxious about adding school to the mix, but know that God is calling me to take this next step. Taking time to sit in God’s presence in the park and rest reminded me of God’s promise when he called me back to school that he has everything in his hands and if he wants me to do this he will carry me through it. I also took some time to serve during my retreat by making a meal for some friends who are in the middle of moving into their new home as they prepare for their third kid.

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For my spiritual retreat, I chose to stick close to home. I started with a one-hour, three-mile walk through the neighborhood (very rural, lots of trees and birds), then I spent three hours in my kids' treehouse. This allowed me to leave my phone inside, but still be accessible to my kids if they needed me. I wasn't really sure how it would go, but I actually only had one interuption - when my husband called and the kids didn't know what to do, so they brought me my phone.
I spent some time sitting on the deck of the treehouse, just listening to the wind and birds. That lasted about an hour. I was surprised how quickly the time went. Then I moved inside the treehouse where I dozed on a beanbag chair for about an hour, then read James through Jude. I felt clearer and more receptive than I have in a long time. I used up a lot of ink underlining verses that stood out to me. My overall takeaway was the need to walk in love and guard against false teaching.
This retreat was very paradoxical for me. I loved getting away, but hated feeling like I was going to be unproductive. In the end, I was surprised at how quickly the time went, and how refreshed I feel now that it's done. Although, now that it's done, I am starting to look at my to-do list again and want to just go back outside!
I am looking forward to taking Seminary classes, but I am a little nervous about finding the time to get everything done. This spiritual exercise helped me to see that when I need to, I can make the time for what has to get done. I am sure it will be challenging, but also reassured that with His help I will be just fine.

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I decided to take to the water for my retreat after worship. What a way to end my Sunday! As I drove I reflected on the  sermon and the  fellowship after.  Even though we were in compliance with the CDC it was refreshing to share and talk with other's on the service and their views of the message.
I had a meal at a restaurant with big windows where you could view the water and see the surfers. This was my first experience as such, it was so exciting  to be sitting where I have desired to be ; just to look at all that water and the waves coming in. Gave me a thought of how amazing God really is. Yes I thought I knew before that He is real but after the last two years of completely surrendering to his call and will for my life, I know now He's not  just someone I call on in my troubles, I now know him to be the very air I breathe.
Sitting and eating my meal which was wonderful, as I took each bite I was amazed at myself because I wasn't just enjoying it I found myself thinking about each vegetable and why God purposed it.
As I looked on the water I began to thank God for his awesomeness , his power to speak these things into being. How he created each of us to receive from all that he created for us to "Lack no good thing."
Again I am so excited to be on this journey because for me it more than getting a degree it is about the ability to be imparted with revelation and glean from others to build my temple to live out the calling and will of God for my life.

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Of everything, I was looking forward to the solitude during my walk today. My expectations were exceeded because no one was around, not one person walking. With no pressure to be anywhere I let my eyes take in everything around me and let my mind just think about the Lord.  There’s a reservoir of water near my home and that’s where I headed.  In the spring there’s lots of grass and greenery and geese that live there. The sound of the water muted every other sound in the area.  The geese were milling about, seemingly unaffected by the icy water they were standing upon.

I was at peace when I walked out the door for this walk. After my eyes and ears adjusted a little bit to the cold temperatures outside, I was right back at peace, feeling thankful for so many things but mostly for the peace and comfort of God. I started to mentally list some of the things I was thankful for and tried not to over think it or follow my usual cadence of prayer, giving myself permission to let the thoughts in my mind come… and then go.

About 20 minutes into my walk, I felt I was in a real “honest” place with the Lord.  In that moment I felt that I could share anything with him.  I was almost emotional, melancholic. In retrospect I think perhaps He wanted to talk to me, to have a moment of uninterrupted intimacy. I should have just stayed in that mental space, but I didn’t.  In that moment of honesty, I wanted to ask about my life, my future, my path, my mission.

And so I began to ask Him about those areas, the areas of my life where I desired more peace.  Slowly at first, pausing to really think about what I truly wanted to know. As I pressed, a feeling of weariness came over me.  The questions in my mind began to sound more like complaints and then I started to feel bad that I was complaining. My peace was slipping away and that wasn’t at all my intention.  And so, I stopped.  I stopped asking and refocused my attention to my environment.  I let the thoughts go. I let the emotions go. I got out of my own head and went back to letting my eyes take in my environment.

Lord, I am truly grateful for your love. You said in your word that you are able to bless abundantly, so that in all things, at all times, having all that I need, I will abound in every good work (2 Cor 9:8). As long as I am doing what you created me to do and being who you created me to be.  I will abound in every good work. Amen.

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I traveled to visit my grandfather this past week and was able to take time to reflect, looking over the beautiful Tampa Bay.

Seminary has always been in the back of my mind as something to do "one day." Well, that day is here!! I'm thrilled to be starting this goal but also so nervous.

I was a decent student in college, graduated with honors at the top of my class. That was also 8 years ago, which feels like an entire lifetime. I have since gotten married, had a child, went from working a full time career making good money, to part time college ministry and full time mom. I constantly ask myself, "Can I really go back to school?" "Can I succeed?"

I look at the students I work with and the pressure they are under all the time. Deadlines, exams, hours and hours of textbook reading to do, and I do not envy them.

Then I remember, I'm not doing this just for me.  I'm doing it for them. I'm doing it for my relationship with God. I'm doing it for the ministry I work for.

I want to help them become strong members of the church body, to graduate college with not only their degree, but with a desire to get involved in their local church and help spread the gospel.

In all the work I do during seminary, I hope to grow closer in my own understanding of myself, God, and the bible.

God has already done so much in my life to get me to this place.

I am grateful, excited, nervous, and ready to begin this new journey.

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This time of waiting to begin seminary has been full to anticipation. At times, that anticipation feels exciting and energizing, and other times it feels full to anxiety. My "plan A" for this retreat to was go to the Abbey of the Genesee and be in silence. They were full this month (but an endearing email conversation ensued when a monk kindly responded to my inquiry for availability with a "no room at the inn" joke and sent me two pictures of his houseplants). My aunt kindly allowed me to retreat with her. It was a lovely spot. It's quiet there, and she made me delicious food. She even put flowers in my room.

On the way there, I prayed to graciously accept the day as it is given. I did meals with my aunt, in conversation, and had quiet time in between. I took a walk at a park. It was a very cold day and different body parts took turns feeling a little numb. One trail was on an old railroad track bed. It was straight and flat, which allowed me to pray silently and say hello to walkers (and dogs!) who walked past me. Another trail went through the woods, following a creek. This was my favorite place. I had to look down a lot more to walk safely over roots and rocks, but I was completely alone to meander and speak to God out loud. It was so peaceful.

During quiet time at my aunt's house, I struggled find stillness. I worried I was "doing it wrong" more than once. I'm the mother of a very active toddler and having a full day to stop, rest, and be was surprisingly difficult for me, something I think would have come more easily before having her. I realized how busy each day can get, and was humbled to see my great need to learn more about spiritual practices for this stage of my life.

I truly feel God has called me to seminary "for such a time as this", but I can feel doubts knocking on my mind, insecurities about measuring up (to what exactly, I'm not sure), about taking on too much, or even taking too much from my family. These worries all present as vague concerns, darkening my mind, and I have been praying for the courage to trust God fully and believe that I will be guided.

My lovely therapist recently encouraged me to carry a sort of mantra for life in general, but here I will apply it to seminary in particular: "Show up. Speak the truth". And that's it, just show up with my full honest self. That's what I pray I will do. The full picture of God's plan for me on this seminary journey isn't clear, but I hope to help others find freedom in their faith (and to live that way myself). A verse was given to me during retreat provides both a statement of belief and an exhortation:

Psalm 27: 13-14---"I believe I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord."

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My home has been full of distractions, so I decided to visit Cedars of Peace for my retreat.  This is a set of small cabins provided by the Sisters of Loretto for individuals to spend time in silence and nature.

In reflecting on my feelings about my upcoming class at Northeastern Seminary, I had to acknowledge the fear that has been simmering underneath the excitement: fear about my writing and being generally inadequate to the task, fear that I will find myself trading joy and wonder to become “academic,” worry that my discernment about where God is leading me may not be on point, fear about what lies ahead since I don’t yet have a sense of where all of this is leading, even fear I will not balance everything well enough to be truly present for those in my life I want to be present for.

Being in a place where I could be still and entirely honest with God and myself allowed Spirit to minister to my concerns.  Scripture reassured me that God has a plan and affirmed the importance of listening.

I realized how exhausted I was from being afraid and overthinking things.  My mind and body needed care, so I set my notebook aside twice during the day to nap.  As I returned to reflection and quiet waiting each time, I was reminded of God’s loving ever-presence.  I had a sense of God’s acceptance of me just as I am, both now and in whatever comes from my experience.  The thought deeply moved me that whatever I wanted for myself as I prepared to start class – peace, confidence, trust – God wanted for me even more!

Walking in the woods rounded out my retreat. Creation gave me insights to carry home for further reflection.  I expect I will be processing what was given to me during this retreat for some time to come, but I am so grateful for now to feel refreshed in spirit, hopeful about class, and rested in body.

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Spiritual Retreat: Embarking on my Seminary Journey

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Spiritual Retreat: Embarking on my Seminary Journey

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When I took my spiritual retreat today in the solitude of my beautiful and comfortable backyard porch, I asked Lord Jesus to lead me to respond to the reflection prompt regarding how I am feeling about embarking on my seminary journey.

(1a) How do I feel about embarking on my seminary journey? Why do I feel this way?

Jesus helped me realize why I feel excited to start classes at Northeastern Seminary. I am excited, because God answered 5 years of prayer by leading me here.

My 5-year prayer journey all started in the summer of 2016, right after I had finished my first year of law school. I prayed for God to empower me to study the Bible better than I study the law. Ever since, the Lord made His word come alive to me in a way than it never had before. A massive passion for the Scriptures burgeoned quickly over the years. My Bible study friends, my community group friends, my church friends, and my family all told me that God had blessed me with a zeal and talent for His word.

For years since, I was torn, because I did not know what God wanted me to do with my life. Part of me did not want to throw away the opportunity God gave me by leading me to law school. Another part of me, however, yearned to make theological studies my career trajectory. My passion for the Scriptures began to dramatically eclipse my prior passion for the law. I graduated from University at Buffalo School of Law in 2018, took a break in 2019, passed the Bar exam in 2020, and worked as a lawyer at Hamberger & Weiss in 2021.

This year, God made it clear that He was calling me to join Northeastern Seminary. The first sign was that I did not have any more passion for law, but a monumental passion for the Scriptures. The second sign was that several close friends told me I should pray about giving seminary a shot. The third sign is that my brother told me that I should consider applying for seminary. The fourth sign occurred when I met via Zoom JP, Professor Carr, and Professor Sykora. They all thought my story was intriguing, and they made Northeastern Seminary sound wondrous. Josef, in particular, told me that I demonstrated the ability to make connections in the Bible and to make succinct arguments for those connections.

Now, I am so grateful not just for the destination but for the entire journey. I believe that God has led me here and that He will give me strength to give Him glory while I am here alongside likeminded brothers and sisters in Christ.

(1b) What do I desire during my seminary experience?

Studies: I desire to learn everything about God that I possibly can. The amazing thing is that there will always be more to learn. I find all of the following to be quite fascinating: the history of the church, the history of the Bible, and how the church should respond to hot topic scriptural issues which are being interpreted so differently across the nation and world.

Relationships: I want to make godly friendships with kindred spirits that will last a lifetime. Iron sharpens iron. I cannot wait to learn from brothers and sisters in Christ who have outstanding and unique perspectives. In turn, I cannot wait to teach my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I hope we can all build each other up with loving fellowship and intellectual discussions.

Myself: I want to grow as close as possible to Christ. In pursuing this closer relationship, I want to ensure that I am not just accumulating head knowledge. Rather, I want to store all of this knowledge in my heart, so it will have a practical effect in how I continue to get to know my Lord and Saviour.

God: I want to find out what His purpose for my life is, so I can optimally love God and love others according to His plans for my life. God gives us all talents, so we can invest them for His glory. I want to show God that I love Him by using whatever He has given me for His plans for my life. Jesus promises us that if we know Him, we know the Father also; and that eternal life is knowing the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. Eternal life, therefore, starts now as we grow deeper in a personal relationship with God through Christ, and we grow deeper in this relationship when we learn and follow God's plan for our lives.