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Listening to this experience of loss I can hear many similarities with various different models of grief but the most significant and poignant aspect of this story is how unique and individual the death of Rachel’s husband is and the chaos she is weathering through this dramatic life change. I feel this loss was sudden and traumatic based on the circumstances leading up to the event, the hope of new beginnings with his new job and the fact he was out of hospital after surgery. The speed at which he died after reaching hospital gave the couple no time to process or plan or grieve. One of the most significant things I found was how Rachel describes getting flip flops so he has something to put on his feet to return home. I think this links to a restoration process to help Rachel function in this extremely stressful situation. The benefit of hindsight shows Steve was dying here but it is only in the ambulance that the possibility of loss flashes over Rachel’s screen of consciousness. Rachel talks of avoiding the tasks needed to probate Steve’s estate, the need to switch cell phone cover and her very real fears and chaotically bundled up with defence mechanism, humour, shocking communicative style to shut others out- possibly avoidant behaviour or the ability for her not to deal with tasks she is not ready for. Rachel talks of feeling old but adolescent simultaniously like she has been robbed of youth and is getting a second chance, neither of which she has control of. This makes me think of the dual processing model and the disorganisation and despair stage of Bowlby and Parkes where she is questioning her sense of identify and her place in the world without Steve. I get a real sense Rachel is feeling stuck and having a lot of “what if” thoughts such as what if she won’t find love again, what if there is something fundamentally wrong with her and she talks of only having more than one date once which implies avoidance and feeling safer there and possibly her safe base is her sister, who encourages her to move her “shrine” and who she moved in with initially. When Rachel describes wanting to share a joke with Steve and then looking for someone else to tell who will appreciate it I can see a likeness to task 3 in Worden's model “to adjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing and the yearning and searching stage of Bowlby and Parkes.  Missing the connection with Steve and wanting to acknowledge jokes that were his feels like moving towards stage 4 of Worden “to find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life”. There are strong threads of avoidance humour used as defence mechanisms against the outside and internal world of her own fears which are used to protect her and keep her safe until she is ready to deal with the multifaceted turmoil thrown into her life since she became a widow at 32.  

# data[].attributes.subject
Listening to this experience of loss I can hear many similarities with various different models of grief but the most significant and poignant aspect of this story is how unique and individual the death of Rachel’s husband is and the chaos she is weathering through this dramatic life change. I feel this loss was sudden and traumatic based on the circumstances leading up to the event, the hope of new beginnings with his new job and the fact he was out of hospital after surgery. The speed at which he died after reaching hospital gave the couple no time to process or plan or grieve. One of the most significant things I found was how Rachel describes getting flip flops so he has something to put on his feet to return home. I think this links to a restoration process to help Rachel function in this extremely stressful situation. The benefit of hindsight shows Steve was dying here but it is only in the ambulance that the possibility of loss flashes over Rachel’s screen of consciousness. Rachel talks of avoiding the tasks needed to probate Steve’s estate, the need to switch cell phone cover and her very real fears and chaotically bundled up with defence mechanism, humour, shocking communicative style to shut others out- possibly avoidant behaviour or the ability for her not to deal with tasks she is not ready for. Rachel talks of feeling old but adolescent simultaniously like she has been robbed of youth and is getting a second chance, neither of which she has control of. This makes me think of the dual processing model and the disorganisation and despair stage of Bowlby and Parkes where she is questioning her sense of identify and her place in the world without Steve. I get a real sense Rachel is feeling stuck and having a lot of “what if” thoughts such as what if she won’t find love again, what if there is something fundamentally wrong with her and she talks of only having more than one date once which implies avoidance and feeling safer there and possibly her safe base is her sister, who encourages her to move her “shrine” and who she moved in with initially. When Rachel describes wanting to share a joke with Steve and then looking for someone else to tell who will appreciate it I can see a likeness to task 3 in Worden's model “to adjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing and the yearning and searching stage of Bowlby and Parkes.  Missing the connection with Steve and wanting to acknowledge jokes that were his feels like moving towards stage 4 of Worden “to find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life”. There are strong threads of avoidance humour used as defence mechanisms against the outside and internal world of her own fears which are used to protect her and keep her safe until she is ready to deal with the multifaceted turmoil thrown into her life since she became a widow at 32.  

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Listening to the podcast and the fear of losing her husbands messages was so poignant, having that connection that voice to turn to.  Even late4 she comments that when there is something complicated he is the one she still wants to turn to and is not ready to let go of it, so, some documents are still left undealt with.  The fear of making another connection as she fears rejection and fears that loss again.  

# data[].attributes.subject
Listening to the podcast and the fear of losing her husbands messages was so poignant, having that connection that voice to turn to.  Even late4 she comments that when there is something complicated he is the one she still wants to turn to and is not ready to let go of it, so, some documents are still left undealt with.  The fear of making another connection as she fears rejection and fears that loss again.  

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This just shows how volatile and insidious grief can be.  There is no time limit, no set order, no expectations and no assumptions.  There are clearly influences from outside perspectives as to what she should and should not be doing, and there are still aspects of the grief even 3 to 4 years on that she cannot bear to deal with because it would mean for her that connection with the deceased will be finally severed.  She has ‘relocated’ the husband – and she is still a wife (…this brings in her sense of identity) – to various parts within her life now, which gives a sense of her being reborn (feeling like an adolescent again)…it has huge conflict through this piece however it is good for worden tasks of grieving, some attachment theory links as well.

# data[].attributes.subject
This just shows how volatile and insidious grief can be.  There is no time limit, no set order, no expectations and no assumptions.  There are clearly influences from outside perspectives as to what she should and should not be doing, and there are still aspects of the grief even 3 to 4 years on that she cannot bear to deal with because it would mean for her that connection with the deceased will be finally severed.  She has ‘relocated’ the husband – and she is still a wife (…this brings in her sense of identity) – to various parts within her life now, which gives a sense of her being reborn (feeling like an adolescent again)…it has huge conflict through this piece however it is good for worden tasks of grieving, some attachment theory links as well.