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**These resources are not a replacement for professional support. If you are concerned with your mental health, or are concerned about someone else, it is recommended you reach out to a professional for further support. If you feel you need immediate support, please contact emergency services such as the Distress Centre for further guidance (403) 266-4357. Please be advised that the content on this page is sensitive and can impact a person's emotional state.

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Hello everyone! Welcome to the Mental Health and Wellness Resources page. This is a growing page that will house several compiled resources that may benefit you as you navigate the world of health and wellness.
The goal of this page is to make finding and using resources easy in the age of technology, and to hopefully bring much needed awareness to important topics that are sometimes difficult to discuss with parents or friends. It is expected that those who review these resources use them as a preliminary step to obtaining further information, knowledge, and support regarding any of the topics listed.

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Table of Contents

24-Hour Helplines
Anxiety & Depression
Self Harm & Suicidal Thoughts
Healthy Relationships
Consent
Sexual Health
LGBTQ+
ADHD/ADD
Grief & Loss
Self Esteem & Body Image
Study Strategies & Test Anxiety
Motivation
Self Care
Meditations
Journalling
Worksheets
Apps
Counselling/Group Supports

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*These are not our resources and we do not take credit for their creation.
**Resource creators have been linked.

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The Distress Centre (located in Calgary) provides a 24/hr crisis phone line, online chat support, face-to-face support, as well as several other community supports (some supports may be available at specific times). All supports can be found at this link, under the "Need Help?" tab.
Crisis Phone Line: 403-266-4357

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NEED HELP? Contact us for 24 hour crisis support. We are here to listen. Phone Support: 403-266-HELP (4357) Text Support: 403-266-HELP (4357) Live Chat

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Kids Help Phone can be accessed through text, phone, Facebook Messenger, and live chat.
Call a counsellor: 1-800-668-6868

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What is mental health?

Does mental health feel like a confusing concept? Although it's communicated about now more than ever, it's OK if you're still unsure what it means. Mental health is different for everyone, and sharing about it can bring up strong emotions. Kids Help Phone is always open, offering young people across Canada mental health support and a non-judgmental space to Feel Out Loud. To learn more about mental health - and view an interpretation of an article about it in American Sign Language (ASL) - you can tap on the button below.

Learn more about mental health

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More than a helpline. Call, text, chat and more to get support using Kids Help Phone's 24/7 e-mental health services. For all young people in Canada.

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Connecteen is a phone, text, and chat peer support for teens and youth in the Calgary area. This resource offers a 24/hr crisis line, online chat, and texting (some supports may be available at specific times). All supports can be found at this link, under the "Need to Talk?" tab.
24/hr Phone Line: 403-264-8336
Text (check online for hours): 587-333-2724

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ABOUT US

Talk on your terms.

ConnecTeen is a confidential peer support service for youth in Calgary and area. We are a program of Distress Centre. Being a teen can be tough. You have more independence, responsibility, and stress as a teenager, and you probably have more questions too.

We know there are some things you can't talk to an adult about and there's probably a lot of things your friends don't get about you. We can connect you with a peer who understands your unique situation and can help talk you though your issues. We don't judge. We are here to listen. Our service is confidential so no one needs to know you contacted us.
If you ever have a question, a problem or just need someone to talk to, give us a call, drop us an email, send us a text or chat with us online.
Beyond Monochrome

Check out "Beyond Monochrome", created by Ryan Costello.

Need to Talk?
Contact us by phone, online chat & text.

Social media and COVID-19

Social media use has only increased during the pandemic, as more and more people turn to the internet to cope with the lack of social interaction and stress during these times.

DONATE Show that YOU CARE

Partners

Our Impact Funders

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Phone, text & chat peer support for teens & youth in Calgary

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Get teen & youth peer support through phone, text & chat. Weekly blog posts. Send your questions to our peer talk page. Volunteer opportunities for teens

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Access Mental Health is an AHS resource that provides information, consultation, and referrals to professionals that support people with mental health and/or addictions concerns.
Phone: 403-943-1500

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Need Immediate Help?

If this is an emergency call 911

Call Us

View Access Mental Health for details.

For non-urgent cases only. No referral needed.

Resources for Albertans

Helplines & Services

Health Information - MyHealth.Alberta.ca

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Access Mental Health | Alberta Health Services

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Calgary Zone, Access Mental Health is a non-urgent service. Anyone is invited to call for information and options for Addiction & Mental Health services.

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A FREE 24hr mental health support for Albertans 16 and over.
Anonymous peer-to-peer mental health supports
Through AHS and Government of AB
**Not a crisis line

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Whatever's on your mind, we're here - Togetherall

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Need urgent help? Contact one of these crisis support services

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24/hour crisis line for Suicide Prevention across Canada
Crisis Phone Line: 833-456-4566

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Connect to a crisis responder to get help without judgement.

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Online resource created for youth that explores different mental health disorders and provides related resources

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"With good mental health literacy, we learn how to take better care of ourselves, our loved ones and our communities. We are empowered and provided with the skills that we need to help us build better lives, better systems of care and a better society." ~ Wei & Kutcher 2018
GET LITERATE The Elementary Mental Health Literacy Resource (EMHLR) is a classroom-ready resource designed to support multiple school environments, including in-person, online and hybrid instruction. With character-driven and developmentally-informed materials, the EMHLR engages students to:
build and maintain positive mental health
decrease stigma surrounding mental illness
increase understanding of common mental disorders
improve help-seeking skills LEARN MORE The Mental Health and High School Curriculum Guide provides a complete set of evidence-based, online modular resources proven to increase the understanding of mental health and mental disorders, decrease the stigma of mental illness and enhance help-seeking efficacy among both students and teachers. LEARN MORE The first publication of its kind, providing
students with information on topics
including time management, relationships,
money, school, sexual activity, mental illness,
suicide and addictions. It includes self-help
information for socio-economic & healthcare
needs and contains recommendations on
where to get help. LEARN MORE

What are Mental Disorders? What is Brain Injury? What is Stigma? We need to know as much about our minds as we do our bodies. Check out our videos on our YouTube channel to learn more.

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"With good mental health literacy, we learn how to take better care of ourselves, our loved ones and our communities. We are empowered and provided with the skills that we need to help us build better lives, better systems of care and a better society."

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Eastside Community Mental Health Services

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Eastside Community Mental Health Services

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Eastside Community Mental Health Services (ECMHS) offers immediate, no-cost, mental health support from an integrated, ethnocultural team.
Call or Text Us - 7 days a week
Call: 403-299-9699 | 8:00am - 11:00pm
Text: 587-315-5000 | 9:00am - 10:00pm

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Eastside Community Mental Health Services

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No-charge professional walk-in counselling for adults, children and families who are having troubles at home or need someone to talk to.

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Anxiety Canada is a fantastic resource for anyone that experiences anxiety.
Includes free PDF resources

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RESOURCES, RELIEF & RESULTS
Our mission is to reduce the barrier of anxiety so you can live the life you want. We offer trusted resources and programs to help people better understand and manage anxiety-and find the relief they need.

01

Feature page

MindShift® CBT App

02

Feature page

MindShift Group Therapy: APPLY NOW

03

Feature page

Monthly Giving

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Anxiety Canada provides self-help resources, programs and services for children, youth, adults and educators on anxiety.

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Lo sentimos, la página que usted busca no se ha podido encontrar. Puede intentar su búsqueda de nuevo o visitar la lista de temas populares.

If you are feeling shyer than you'd like to be, you're in good company. A lot of kids - and adults - say they get anxious during social situations. Maybe it's speaking up in class or making a phone call or just trying something new. Whatever it is, if your anxiety is bothering you, there are some things you can try on your own to help with managing social anxiety.

Don't avoid things

Experts agree that avoiding situations that make us anxious can actually make things worse in the long run. "Getting out of something you didn't want to do might make you feel better in the moment," says Rachel Busman, PsyD, a psychologist, "but you will still feel anxious the next time you're asked to do it." And the things that make us anxious-talking to new people, giving presentations-aren't going to go away.

Push yourself

While leaving your comfort zone isn't easy, it can be very good for you. That's because our anxiety tends to go away when we start doing the things that make us anxious. So when a situation comes up that makes you nervous, like walking into the cafeteria alone or asking someone to be your lab partner, try to face your fear and see what happens. "Chances are the worst outcome that you fear won't happen," says Dr. Busman. "And if it does, you might find you have the skills to handle it."

As an experiment, try doing something that makes you nervous. It's fine to start small and ease yourself into it. Picking goals that feel realistic to you is important-you don't need to run for class president. If you think you might like to join a club, try just sitting in on a meeting at first. Or if you'd like to volunteer at the local animal shelter but you're feeling nervous about it, start by bringing a friend or family member along for company.

Whatever you do, you'll find that it gets easier over time. That's because by practicing the things that make you nervous you are actually expanding your ability to handle them. This is true even when things don't work out exactly like you might hope. For example, a lot of kids hesitate to ask teachers questions because they worry they're already supposed to know the answer. But if you decide to ask your teacher anyway and he responds, "You already learned that so go ask a friend," you'll probably find that hearing that isn't such a big deal after all. It's just another kind of practice.

Doing things like yoga and exercising can also help you regulate anxiety. Conversely, caffeine can make people feel more anxious, so you might want to cut back on soda and coffee in general, and especially before doing things that make you anxious. That can help with managing social anxiety.

But if you're feeling really anxious, and doing these things feels impossible for you, Dr. Busman says it's always a good idea to talk to your parents. "Tell them how you're feeling. Anxiety is something that you can definitely get help for, but telling someone that you need it is the first step."

This article was last reviewed or updated on April 7, 2023.

Rachel Ehmke is a freelance writer and the former managing editor at the Child Mind Institute. She holds a BA ... Read Bio

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Tips for Managing Social Anxiety - Child Mind Institute

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Kids with so much social anxiety that they're unable to do a lot of things they'd like to do should definitely talk to their parents about getting help.

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**These resources are not a replacement for professional and emergency supports. If you are dealing with a crisis or if this is an emergency, please contact your local emergency services and/or an adult you trust (parent, family member, counsellor).

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The team at Humanity Unlimited Global Inc (H.U.G) and Your Life Counts acknowledges that our work spans many Territories and Treaty areas. We are grateful for the traditional Knowledge Keepers and Elders who are with us today, those who have gone before us and the emerging generations that inspire us.

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If you need help right now

If you feel like you are about to self-harm now, there are things you can do to help keep your mind off it. Watch the video about the TIPP technique - a simple technique you can use to help you in the moment.
If you are in an emergency or worried for your life you should call 999.

Self-harm is when you intentionally cause harm to yourself as a way of dealing with difficult feelings, traumatic experiences or memories, neglect, or situations that you find overwhelming. People sometimes self-harm when life feels hard to cope with.

Self-harm can look different for different people. You might find yourself doing things which are harmful, but not think of them as 'self-harm'. But that doesn't make your experience any less valid.

Self-harm can look like:

cutting yourself

using drugs or alcohol to cope with your problems

not eating, over-eating, or forcing yourself to throw up

spending all your time on addictive behaviours like gaming, social media or gambling

over-exercising and/or exercising when you are injured

biting, hitting or burning yourself

hitting walls

getting into situations on purpose where you risk getting hurt, including fights or risky sexual behaviour

Often self-harming only brings temporary relief. You might also have negative feelings after self-harming, such as guilt, shame or fear. When difficult feelings start to build up again, you might feel like you have to harm again. It can be really hard to break out of this cycle. Self-harming can become a habit and it can be upsetting to think that this is your only way to cope. But there are things you can do to stop self-harming and get better. And with support, you can learn other ways of coping when things feel too much.

People self-harm for many different reasons. Some people find it hard to explain why they do it, but often it's a way for people to let out feelings that are hard to explain or control.

There are many reasons why you might self-harm and these reasons will be different for everyone. You might be dealing with lots of intense thoughts and feelings and hurting yourself might feel like the only way to let those feelings out. Or you might feel numb and want to hurt yourself so that you can feel something.

For some people, self-harm feels like a way to show the feelings they have inside on the outside. It can be a way of:

People often start self-harming due to something stressful or upsetting that is going on in their life that is difficult to deal with . This could be something like:

suffering abuse

experiencing a traumatic incident

family problems like a divorce

money worries

bullying

a sudden change in your life, like a death, a relationship ending or moving school

exam stress or extreme pressure or criticism from family, friends, teachers or at work

low self-esteem or issues with body image

difficult feelings like loneliness, anxiety, depression or anger

an illness or health problem

feelings of guilt, failure, or being unloved

experiencing discrimination against your race, religion, sexuality, gender or disability

These are just examples. Whatever the reason you started self-harming, your feelings matter and you can get through this.

You may not always know the reason why you are self-harming. If you're unsure why, or don't understand the reasons, you are not alone and you can still get help.

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Artwork credit: @the_mini_ADHD_coach

An illustration of a face with eyes closed. Text reads: 'It's ok to feel overwhelmed.'

Things can happen in life that can leave us feeling overwhelmed, angry and hurt. Instead of finding ways to express those feelings to the world, we might start to take this pain and anger out on ourselves.

We might self-harm because we have learnt that in order to be accepted or loved we have to be 'perfect'. When we don't live up to this 'perfect' image we can feel like a 'failure'. The constant guilt, or worry about disappointing people, can make us feel like we need to punish ourselves for not being 'good enough'. If this resonates with you, you're not alone. With the right support, you can stop feeling this way, and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Sometimes people make comments about self-harm being attention-seeking. Comments like this can be hurtful and make you feel judged, alone or misunderstood. Those who self-harm actually often keep this private. However, if you do self-harm as a way of bringing attention to yourself, remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting people to notice you more and wanting to have your feelings taken seriously. You deserve to feel loved by those around you and you deserve support.

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Artwork credit: @ohhappydani

An illustration of six arms all of different skin tones. On each arm reads the word 'worthy'.

Overall, the most important thing which I hope everyone knows is you don't have to go through this alone.

I was only 14 when I started to self-harm. I was never intending to hurt myself. I was doing it for the sense of relief it provided. I felt like the only way I could function and leave my room was if I had that release.

Ways to keep yourself safe now

It's really important to keep yourself as safe as possible and reduce your risk of serious self-injury. Even though you want to stop self-harming, you might not feel able to stop straight away. Sometimes it can take time to find new ways to cope, and that's normal.

If you are unable to stop self-harming right now, make sure you are at least doing it as safely as possible. This means using sterile equipment, keeping your wounds clean, and avoiding mixing drugs and alcohol with other forms of self-harm. You can also call Samaritans at any time - whether you're thinking about self-harm or have already harmed yourself.
If you are in an emergency or worried for your life you should call 999 or go to A&E.

Things you can do to help

There are also lots of things you can do in the moment to help you not self-harm.

When you feel the urge to self-harm building, you could try to:

go for a walk or do some gentle exercise

distract yourself by focusing on your breathing

text a friend and let them know you need them to help you take your mind off things

play music and sing or dance along

hold an ice cube

write down your thoughts

hit a cushion or pillow

tear up a magazine or newspaper

make a self-soothe box

go to a public place like a park or a cafe

You might find the TIPP technique helps to stop your urge to self-harm.

This video explains how to use the TIPP technique to help you feel calmer.

Ways to keep yourself safe in the long term

There are also a number of ways to help yourself in the long term and support your recovery journey.

Talking about self-harm can feel difficult. It is understandable that you might feel nervous to talk to someone, feel like you'll be judged or feel you won't be understood. But talking about how you're feeling with someone you trust can help you to get the right support.

Try talking to someone you feel comfortable and safe with, like a friend or family member. If you don't feel like you can talk to friends or family, you could talk to someone in your wider community, such as a teacher, a school counsellor/nurse, a faith leader or a youth worker. Think about who you would feel most comfortable communicating with and how, whether it's face to face, over the phone, by text or email.

In some communities it can feel more difficult to reach out for help because of certain stigmas around mental health. If you reach out for help and the person you talk to does not react the way you hoped, remember that this reaction is about them, not you. Don't let their reaction discourage you from reaching out again. If you don't feel like you can reach out to someone you know, remember that there are still lots of people who can help. You may prefer to get support from a professional, a helpline or through a charity. Take a look at our list of organisations that can help, and don't struggle on your own.

Speaking to a professional about self-harm can feel scary, but it's often an important step to recovery. You may be worried that you'll be misunderstood or judged, but there are lots of trained people that you can talk to who understand and really care. That's because they speak to lots of young people who are going through this too. They are there to listen and support you.

It is helpful to tell the GP exactly what you are doing and what your worries are. If you need medical treatment for injuries, do make sure you get it. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to go to your GP or hospital for this - they are there to help you get better and it is not their job to judge you.

Your GP will listen and discuss the best options to support you. They might offer you an assessment with a local community mental health team, or if you are under 18, they can refer you to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) for an assessment. These assessments are so they can help you to find the right treatment, such as counselling or talking therapy, where you can talk with a trained mental health professional about what you are feeling and ways you can cope.

The types of talking therapy you might be offered include:

cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - a type of therapy that focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and actions

dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) - a type of CBT adapted specifically for people who experience emotions very intensely

mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) - a type of therapy that focuses on helping you to make sense of your own and other people's thoughts, feelings and actions

Find out more about counselling and therapy in our guide.

Sometimes the first person you speak to won't help, but that doesn't make your feelings invalid. If you are finding it hard to get the right support from your GP, you may find it helpful to turn to other support, such as your school nurse or a specialist organisation such as Samaritans. For more tips and advice getting the right support from your GP, including information about your rights as a patient, visit our guide on how to speak to your GP about mental health.

Journaling can be a helpful way to let out your emotions. It can also help you to recognise what is bothering you and any patterns in what triggers you or causes you to feel bad.

Take a few minutes every day to write down how you are feeling. If you don't like writing, try doodling, drawing or recording a voice note. Remember this is just a way to express yourself - there's no right or wrong way to do this and nobody has to see it but you.

If you want to, you could show your journal to any mental health professionals who are supporting you, to help them understand what you are going through.

Sometimes just making small changes to your daily routine can help improve your mood. Consider trying some of these changes:

Make sure you get enough sleep and stay hydrated - staying physically healthy can help you to feel happier.

Take time out when you need to - this could be going for a walk, doing some drawing or relaxing however you like to.

Think of three things you are proud of each day - you could do this when you first wake up or just before you go to sleep.

Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend - think about the advice and support you would give someone else if you heard they were struggling.

The internet can be a helpful space for those who self-harm. It offers a lot of information, advice and support. You may also find that it's easier to speak openly about your feelings through social media, rather than face-to-face. However, there is also a lot of content about self-harm on the internet that can be distressing or make you feel worse. We also know that those who have peers that self-harm are more likely to self-harm themselves. Think about how your use of social media is affecting your mood and what content is best for you. Make sure to only follow accounts that make you feel positive and safe.

Some people find it really helpful to create a 'safety plan' that they can use when the urge to self-harm is really strong. This can include whatever you think would be helpful, but generally it includes ideas of what you can do to distract yourself, who you can speak to, and what else you can do to keep yourself safe. Papyrus have a useful guide to creating a safety plan, which might help if you'd like to create your own. Although the focus of their guide is for suicidal feelings, you can use it for self-harm as well.

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Artwork credit: @crazyheadcomics

An image of a bendy road titled 'the road to recovery'. Text along the road reads: 'start', 'progress', 'hope', 'relapse', 'second attempt', 'setback', 'growth', 'change', 'calm'.

If you have self-harmed by cutting or wounding yourself in some way, you are likely to have scars on your body from this. You may find that you have a number of emotions and feelings associated with these scars, such as guilt, regret or difficulties accepting your body image. This can be particularly difficult if you are experiencing stigma around your self-harm.

For advice on how to manage stigma around self-harm within your community, take a look at Louisa's blog.

If you're really struggling with the scars left on your body, you may be able to find treatment that can help. You can find information about scar treatments on the NHS website. Scars will look different for everyone depending on skin tone, where the scar is and the type of wound that caused the scar, and this will lead to different treatment options. Not everyone will want to do this and that is completely okay - it is your body and you should only do what feels comfortable for you.

It can be really difficult if you know a friend or loved one is self-harming. It's hard to see someone you love hurting themself in that way, and it can be difficult to know how best to support them.

Just being there and letting them know they're not alone can be very helpful, but it's also important to remember that you may not be able to help them on your own.

Remember there is always support available.

Recognising the signs and symptoms of self-harm

There are lots of different ways that someone might self-harm and this can make it difficult to spot the signs. Your loved one is likely to be in both physical and emotional pain during this time. Here are some signs to look out for.

If your loved one is self-harming by cutting or wounding themself, you may be able to notice some physical signs. This could include:

keeping their body fully covered all the time, even when it is hot, like wearing long sleeves to conceal scars (this is only a sign of self-harm if they do not normally wear long sleeves or clothes that cover the whole body)

having cuts, bruises or burn marks on their body that are unexplained

unexplained scarring on their skin

unexplained blood stains on clothing or tissues

any signs that they are pulling out their hair, for example hair loss or large clumps of hair lying around

Self-harm takes lots of different forms, not just physically hurting yourself. So it's important to also be aware of the emotional signs. These might include:

becoming very withdrawn and talking less than usual to others

unusual changes in mood, such as feeling low, teary or demotivated

making suicidal comments e.g. talking about not wanting to go on

expressing feelings of self-blame, hopelessness or failure

Supporting a loved one with self-harm now
If a friend or family member has self-harmed and has injuries that need medical attention, you should take them to A&E to seek medical help.
The most important thing you can do to support someone is be there to listen. Talking about self-harm is difficult, but having that conversation can help your loved one take the first step to recovery.

Take a look at our tips below for having a sensitive conversation.

Supporting a loved one with self-harm in the long term

Here are some tips on how you can give ongoing support to someone in your life who is self-harming.

Recovery can only happen when your loved one takes steps towards this for themself. You can't force someone to get better. It can be very difficult to see someone you love struggle with self-harm, but letting them be in control of their decisions will support their recovery in the long term. But remember you should always get them medical attention if needed.

You may find it helpful to develop a 'safety plan' with your loved one. This is a tool you can use to help communicate with each other and keep your loved one safe. Samaritans have advice on this as well as a safety plan template you can use.

Speaking to a GP about self-harm may be a scary thought for your loved one, but encouraging them to do this is important so they get the right support. If they really don't want to talk to a GP, there are also lots of charity services and helplines that can help.

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was co-created by young people with lived experience of self-harm. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Self-harm | Advice for young people | Get help

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Self-harm is when you intentionally harm yourself as a way of dealing with difficult feelings or experiences. Find out about self-harm and how to get help.

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Find the Right Therapist in Calgary, AB - Alice Holub, PhD, RPsych; Trynell Holland, MSW, BSW; Dr. Tyler Brown, PhD; Cynthia Grace DeRozea, MA; Rachelle Diamond, MC, RPsych; Celine Warawa, BA, MC; Samuel Chukwuma Iwar, MA; Dr. Reana Saraceni Psychological Services Inc., PhD, CHPT

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Why Calgary Counselling Centre?

Our clients experience meaningful results

Counselling works. Whether through virtual or in-person counselling sessions, our clients receive the most effective counselling in the industry. One of the biggest reasons people don't seek counselling is because they don't think it can help them. If this is you, we highly encourage you to give counselling a try. Our clients are achieving their goals and so can you. Hear the stories of some of our clients.

You don't have to wait.

Shortly after you call or fill out the online registration form, we'll contact you to set up an appointment with one of our counsellors. Appointments are available on weekdays, evenings, and Saturdays.

To register for counselling call 833.827.4229 or complete the online registration form.

You don't need to worry about costs.

We base our fees on a sliding scale according to your income. That means you pay only what you can afford.

You'll receive personalized, one-on-one attention.

We assign the counsellor we think is right for you and you meet to talk about your goals. If you don't click, we assign you a different counsellor. Later, we may suggest group counselling too.

We measure your progress.

At the beginning of every counselling session, you'll answer a few questions to tell us how you're doing and whether we need to change what we're doing.

We stay on top of best practices.

We keep on top of the latest counselling research and apply best practices to make sure you get the best possible counselling.

Areas of Counselling

Every day, our counsellors meet with people - individuals, couples, children, youth and families - who want to learn how to better cope with a wide variety of concerns including:

How Much Does Counselling Cost?

The fees we charge you are based on a sliding scale. That means your fee will depend on your income and how much you can afford to pay. We'll give you a quote when you register and if you think it's too much, we can talk about it at your first session. Your health insurance plan may cover some or all of the cost. Regardless of what you pay, you'll receive top notch counselling.

The Right Counsellor For You

Your improved well-being is our top priority. But to get there, you need to feel you can connect with your counsellor, feel comfortable around them and be able to talk with them easily. If you feel the counsellor is not a good fit with you - which is OK - then ask for a different counsellor. If you're not comfortable having that conversation with your current counsellor, call 833.827.4229 and we'll be happy to help you move to a different counsellor.

How Do You Know The Counselling Is Working?

At each counselling session, you'll be asked a few questions to see how you're doing - it's a little check on your mental health vital signs. That information helps your counsellor decide whether to adjust what they're doing. We want you to achieve your goals and enjoy healthy well-being. Using this process - Feedback-Informed Treatment (FIT) - makes sure we're giving you the best possible counselling.

How Many Sessions Do You Need?

Counselling doesn't need to go for months or years on end. Our clients typically need an average of 8-10 counselling sessions to benefit. Some people may need a bit less and others may need a bit more.

Wilson Centre for Domestic Abuse Studies

Through our Wilson Centre for Domestic Abuse Studies, we have done years of academic research into the causes of abuse, how to prevent it from happening and how to end the cycle of abuse. This research has helped us come up with innovative and effective ways to support people who are abused as well as those who are abusive. Our counsellors are in high demand to train other professionals across North America about the individual and group programs we've developed that reduce abuse and help people move on with healthy relationships.

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Counselling Services | Calgary Counselling Centre

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Looking for professional counselling services in Calgary with no wait list? Get help today and learn how we can improve your emotional, psychological and social well-being.

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The Alex is home to the Youth Health Centre in Calgary. The health centre provides several groups and other health resources for youth from ages 12-24.
**All listed groups are currently virtual.
Phone: 403-520-6270
Text: 403-680-9627
Email: youthinfo@thealex.ca

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We are here to listen and to help you achieve your goals! If you need judgement-free medical support, job training, counselling, or parenting help, our Health Centre and Drop-In Centre are here for you.

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McMan Youth, Family and Community Services Association

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McMan FRN - A Community Hub Connecting Children, Youth & Families

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The McMan Family Resource Network provides a range of services and programming for children, youth, and families in Okotoks and surrounding communities.

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Access to affordable and barrier-free counselling supports in Calgary and area

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We are connecting Calgary's communities with affordable and barrier-free access to phone or video counselling sessions.

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Kindred (formerly Catholic Family Services) 

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Kindred (formerly Catholic Family Services) 

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March 1st marks self-injury awareness day. For many, recovery from self-injury can be a long journey. Like any unhealthy coping strategy, it may take a while for an individual to even want to change. Often, people self-harm because it brings relief during moments of intense emotional suffering. Someone may be experiencing overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety or numbness. When they engage in self-harm, their overwhelming feelings may temporarily be relieved.

This can make stopping self-harm difficult. Even once someone has decided they want to stop, it isn't always a matter of just quitting cold-turkey. Sometimes the urge to self-harm can be so strong, that even if we don't want to engage in it, we can't see any other way out of the terrible emotions we are feeling.

Recovery is possible, but it's not always easy. Stopping self-harm often involves building other, healthier, skills and coping strategies, and then practicing these coping strategies when we have an urge to self-harm.

I am a FamilySmart® Youth in Residence at the Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre in BC Children's Hospital. I provide peer-support, resources, and system navigation to families and young people across BC.

Recovery is possible, but it's not always easy. Stopping self-harm often involves building other, healthier, skills and coping strategies, and then practicing these coping strategies when we have an urge to self-harm. Below is a list of different skills and techniques someone may use in order to help them reduce and/or stop their self-harm. These are techniques I've learned about through my work and experience, and they may not work for everyone. If you, or your child, are engaging in self-harm, it's important to also consult with your primary health care provider.

Chill Out (Literally): It may sound funny, but cooling yourself down using cold water or ice has been shown to be an effective way to calm down your nervous system in times of crisis.

For example:

Lean over the sink and splash cold water on your face.

Place an icepack on your forehead.

Hold an ice-cube until it melts.

Sit in a shallow bath with cold water (but don't sit for too long!)

Distract. An urge to self-harm can feel like it's going to overpower us, but it won't last forever. Occupying ourselves with enjoyable or distracting activities can help us ride out the urge, without giving in.

Some ways to distract yourself could be:

Watching a funny movie/TV show.

Engaging in some self-care: Taking a bath, using a facemask.

Doing physical activity: Going for a run, doing yoga, playing a sport.

Spending time with a pet.

Make your tools harder to access. People self-harm in a variety of ways using different tools, for example, a razor-blade or lighter. Some individuals might be comfortable with throwing out their implements all together, however, for some, the thought of getting rid of their tools completely can feel a bit too overwhelming. In this case, it can be helpful to make it more difficult to access these tools. For example:

Freeze your tools: If you are using something sharp to self-injure, try freezing it in a block of ice. If you want to use it to self-harm, you'll have to wait for the ice to melt.

Lock up your tools: Lock your tools away in a box and place the key somewhere more difficult to access. That way, if you want to self-harm, you'll have to go through the process of finding the key and unlocking the box, giving you a bit more time to think.

If you are comfortable, have someone you trust hold on to the tools for you: Make sure this person understands what is going on for you, and will respect your decision if you ask for the tools back. Alternatively, you can ask someone to throw away your tools for you, if you are ready.

Mimic the effects of self-harm. For some, self-harm is appealing because of the effect it has on our bodies. There are ways you can mimic these effects without actually harming yourself. For example:

Use red food coloring/red paint: If the sight of blood on your skin is appealing to you, you can try painting your skin with a liquid that looks similar.

Use henna: Henna is a substance made from leaves that dyes the skin for one to two weeks. You can use it to draw designs or lines on your skin in areas where you may feel the urge to self-harm.

Use technology: In the age of technology, there are several apps that can help manage our emotions and urges right from our phones. For example:

Reach out: Reaching out can feel difficult, but for some, talking it out in moments of crisis can be enough to avoid self-harming. Ways to reach out include:

Talk to someone you trust: This might be a friend, partner or family member.

Call a helpline: The following phone lines are all numbers you can call if you feel like you're going to self-harm and want someone to speak to:

24 Hr Vancouver Crisis Line: 604-872-3311 or 1-866-667-3311

Mental Health Support Line: 310-6789 (do not add 604 or 778 before the number).

Suicide Prevention Centre of BC: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

Text/talk online: Sometimes it's much easier to communicate through text or on our computers. You can use the following resources to do so:
If you are a youth or young adult concerned about your own self-harm or mental health, or a parent or caregiver concerned about your child's self-harm or mental health, please don't hesitate to reach out to here at the Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre. Our FamilySmart® Parents in Residence and Youth in Residence can provide information, resources, system navigation and peer-support. You can reach us by phone at (604) 875-2084, or Toll Free at 1-800-665-1822, or by email at keltycentre@cw.bc.ca

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March 1st marks self-injury awareness day. For many, recovery from self-injury can be a long journey. Like any unhealthy coping strategy, it may take a while for an individual to even want to change. Often, people self-harm because it brings relief during moments of intense emotional suffering.

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Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

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Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

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Characteristics of Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships

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Respect for both oneself and others is a key characteristic of healthy relationships. In contrast, in unhealthy relationships, one partner tries to exert control and power over the other physically, sexually, and/or emotionally. Healthy relationships share certain characteristics that teens should be taught to expect. They include: Mutual respect.

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Healthy relationships for young adults can be confusing. Love is more than just the way you feel, and we’re here to help.

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We have a lot of different kinds of relationships in our lives. Our relationship with ourselves is one of the most important, because we will have this relationship our whole lives. It can be helpful to work towards having a healthy, caring and compassionate relationship with ourselves.

We also have relationships with friends, family, our community, people at school or work, and the land that we live on. Part of having a healthy relationship with ourselves is knowing what being in healthy relationships with others looks like. This includes being able to set healthy boundaries with the people in our lives as well as respecting their boundaries.

Dating (romantic relationships, going out, or whatever you want to call it) can exist on a spectrum, from healthy to unhealthy and sometimes abusive. In a healthy dating relationship, all people have equal power and are involved in decision making. We also need mutual respect and trust. If important things like respect and trust are missing, it may be an unhealthy relationship. If there is fear, threats and/or physical, sexual, financial, emotional/mental or spiritual abuse happening, then it often is an abusive relationship.

To figure out where your relationship might fit into the spectrum, check out the "Relationship Spectrum" activity at loveisrespect.org.

Setting emotional and physical boundaries with people in our lives is an important part of creating healthy relationships. Talking about boundaries allows people to be aware of each other's needs and comfort levels. This sets up a foundation of respect so both people can feel safe and healthy in the relationship.

What do healthy boundaries look and feel like?

Feeling comfortable communicating about what you want and don't want

Respecting what your partner wants and doesn't want

Recognizing when you are happy and unhappy

Being excited and interested in learning new things and in your own hobbies and projects

Having personal boundaries that apply to everyone

Having a partner that adds to your excitement in life, but is not the only source of excitement

Encouraging others to have boundaries too

Feeling safe and secure

Being aware of your choices and honouring your feelings and intuition while respecting their feelings

Recognizing that you have the right to protect your privacy without having to lie or feel guilty

Being able to negotiate in a fair way (while maintaining boundaries & values that are important to you)

In order to build healthy relationships, we need to work on communicating our own boundaries as well as respecting other people's boundaries. Sometimes this means learning healthy ways of working through our own emotions. This could mean talking to someone we trust like a counselor or family member about it, or engaging in an activity that helps us reflect and let go like writing, art, walking, etc. Sometimes it can be hard to deal or accept our partner's boundaries when they are not aligned with what we want. Dealing with feelings of rejection or disappointment can be challenging and are also a normal part of life.

Examples of healthy communication in setting boundaries:

1.While it's important to spend quality time with your partner, it's also important to make time for yourself, your friends and your family too! This means being able to tell your partner when you need time alone. Both people should feel free to hang out with friends or family without their partner.

Example:
Your partner wants to hang out with you and your friend today. You were looking forward to spending some one on one time with your friend, catching up and going to a movie together. Here is how you could respond:
Partner: "Can I come to the movie with you and Alex today?"
You: "Actually, I think Alex and I are just going to get some friend time in today to catch up one on one. Maybe we could go to a movie together next week though."
Partner: "Oh, no problem. I understand. Hope you two have fun!"
You: "Thanks. Talk to you later"

2. When it comes to sex and intimacy in a relationship, people get to decide what they feel comfortable with and set boundaries around what they want and don't want. Communicating about comfort levels, likes and dislikes and asking for consent before doing anything are really important for creating fun and comfortable sexual experiences for both people. Communication is also essential for building respect, trust and ultimately healthy relationships. Check out our Consent section for more information!

Example:
You just started dating someone. You want to kiss them, but you don't want it to go any farther at this point. Here is how you could respond:
You: "Hey, I'd really love to kiss you, do you want to?"
Partner: "Yes, I'm into that."
You: "Okay great, I think that's as far as I want to go right now though. "
Partner: "That's fine. Whatever you're comfortable with sounds good to me. "

3. Everyone has a right to privacy in a relationship. This includes social media and phones. People get to keep their passwords, text messages, phone, snapchat etc. private. Both people are independent and deserve respect in a relationship. This includes respecting that each person has their own life, hobbies, friends and right to privacy. It's not okay to go into a person's phone or social media accounts without asking for permission. It's also not okay to expect to have access to a partner's phone and social media.

Example:
Your partner asks to use your phone; they want to check out your photos and snap chat and want to know your password so they can get into your phone. You don't feel comfortable sharing your password and feel weird about them looking through all your stuff. Here is how you could respond: Partner: "I'm bored. Hey, can I look through your photos and snapchat? What's your password?"
You: "Ummm, I'm not really comfortable with sharing my password and other people looking through my phone. You can look at my snapchat post through your account though. "
Partner: "Okay. That's cool. I totally respect your privacy. "
You: "Cool. Thanks. Can I show you some pictures of that cute dog I saw yesterday though?"
Partner: "Yes!"

It's important and okay to have boundaries that are not negotiable and if a partner isn't respecting your boundaries, pressures you to do something that just doesn't feel right, or they try to control you in some way, that's not okay.

Some things you can do if your partner isn't respecting your boundaries:

Talk to them about it. Tell them to stop. Tell them how they are not respecting your boundary and that this is not okay. (If you feel safe)

If it doesn't feel safe to talk to them about it or they continue disrespecting your boundaries after you've talked to them about it, it may mean the relationship is unhealthy or abusive. If this is happening, it's important that you get support and talk to someone about it or make a break-up plan. (See the Abuse & What to do section below)

Talk to someone you trust about it. You could talk to a friend or family member, a guidance counselor, elder, or a counselor in your community.

Call a phone line to talk about it as well as to get more information and resources, Kids Help Phone is 1-800-668-6868, they also offer online or ap-chat Wednesday-Sunday or the Klinic Crisis Line is 204-786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019.

Healthy Relationships

Positive relationships where people feel safe and respected are good for our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health. In terms of dating relationships, we all have different things we want in a partner or from a dating situation because we are all attracted to and want different things. However, there are some basic qualities that everyone's list should have in common, such as respect, consent, trust, honesty, and healthy boundaries. Healthy relationships can be a source of happiness and help people to feel connected.
Everyone's list might look a little different, but some things you might want in Healthy Relationships include:

Mutual Trust - This means that you trust your partner and they trust you. You trust each other to respect the boundaries and agreements you've committed to in your relationship. You have faith that you will treat each other in a kind and caring way. Trust is often something that develops over time and the people build together in a relationship.

Respect - Respect means treating the other person with kindness, as a worthy and valuable being. It means that you treat them well and honour their integrity, rights and independence.

Honesty - Being honest often means telling the truth, but more than that it's also about being true to yourself, honoring yourself, and communicating about who you are and what you need or want in a relationship.

Equality - This means that both partners have equal power and say in the relationship. It means that emotional and physical workloads are shared.

Good communication - Communicating openly and kindly can take practice. You can practice being assertive about your needs and wants every day including during a conflict and also by listening to your partner's needs and wants and by negotiating fairly. The more you practice communicating the better you will get at it.

Kindness

Care & Compassion

Patience

Support

Affection

Attraction

Quality time together

Time apart

Safety

Make your own list! Having our own personal list of what a healthy relationship means for us can make it easier to figure out what we want in a relationship and what we don't want. It can also help us think about what kind of partner we want to be and assess what we are good at already and what we might need to work on. Creating healthy relationships is a process and we are all learning. Building healthy relationships does take work, but they should be fun and enjoyable too! We don't always see good examples of healthy relationships in our lives or in media, so it's important to find good role models or seek out more examples. Everyone deserves healthy, positive and caring relationships.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that often only recognizes two genders, men and women. That's called a gender binary. A binary is a system that only has two options. A role is something that you play. Just like characters in a show or movie, gender roles or scripts tell us how we are supposed to act as males and females. Gender roles are based primarily on stereotypes which are taught to us by media and society around us.
We know that in reality there are many ways to express our genders and it goes way beyond just female and male. Unhealthy relationships and abuse often stem from the binary and the way that we're taught to fit into specific gender roles.

Growing up, boys are taught:

to be strong

to not cry

to not show emotions except to show anger (even when sad)

to want sex all the time

to be aggressive

to do a physical job; be the boss

to be rich/ successful

Growing up, girls are taught:

to be weak

to be really emotional

to care for and nurture others

to serve others

to not voice opinions

they are not supposed to to want sex

to cry a lot

to be passive communicators

to be a "good girl" or "nice"

There is a lot of pressure put on everyone to buy into gender roles. And we are often put down and discriminated against if we don't fit into these gender roles/scripts, like if a girl/woman voices her opinion or if a boy/man shows his emotions. It doesn't really matter what the genders are of the people in a relationship, there can be power imbalances because of different stereotypes like masculine/feminine, aggressive/passive, etc. Look further down this page for more info on healthy and unhealthy masculinity.

We can see that because of these stereotypes, everyone loses out. It hurts all of us because it can make it harder for us to communicate respectfully and honestly within our relationships. Men/guys have a harder time speaking about their fears and are taught to communicate aggressively to fit the male gender role. Women/girls are told that their voices don't matter and that they should put other people ahead of themselves. This often leads to unhealthy or even abusive relationships. When we are discussing relationships, we can see how these gender roles can lead to violence against women and girls.

Using healthy, assertive communication in a relationship means:

respectful communication

respectful conflict but people feel heard and not threatened

partners feel good and respect relationship boundaries

partners feel safe with one another and comfortable being vulnerable

partners can share their emotions in a calm and respectful way

no abuse

Gender roles do not help us meet our needs because they limit us to playing a role instead of being who we are. The roles represent only two extremes of gender when in reality someone could be anywhere in between or not identify at all with them. When we challenge gender roles, it gives us more power to say what we really want for ourselves. We can also figure out ways to communicate and negotiate our sexual boundaries and desires in a respectful way.

You have a right to end a relationship at any point. Sometimes it's the healthiest choice we can make. A relationship doesn't have to be unhealthy or abusive to end. Sometimes healthy relationships come to a natural conclusion too.
Some signs that it may be time to break up are:

Feeling annoyed a lot or uncomfortable

Arguing a lot (even over little things)

Feeling like you've grown apart or want different things

Having different levels of affection

Liking somebody else

Not feeling interested or into your partner / the relationship anymore

Some tips for healthy breakups* are:

Use assertive communication. Ideally tell your partner first hand, not through other people or social media.

Be honest and kind about why you want to end the relationship.

Consider your partner's feelings. Recognize that "guilting" or begging a person into staying is not healthy or helpful to either person.

Negotiate status changes and implications for social networking sites.

Consider taking a break from social media.

Don't spread rumors after the break up.

Try to stay respectful (no matter what your ex is doing or saying.)

*If there is abuse happening in a relationship, this list might look different. See the "Abuse & What to do" section below.

Regardless of whose idea it is to end the relationship, break ups can be difficult. It is important to take care of yourself, get some supports, and work to accept what has happened. If you don't seem to be bouncing back (feel depressed), it may be a good idea to talk to someone you trust about it.

If someone is experiencing abuse, it is never their fault. It is always the fault of the person choosing to use abuse. Abuse is often about one person trying to control or take away someone else's power. If you know about abuse that is happening, or if you are experiencing abuse, tell an adult you trust. Youth in Manitoba can also use crisis lines* for support.

The Klinic Crisis Line is 204-786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019

Kids Help Phone is 1-800-668-6868, they also offer online or ap-chat Wednesday to Sunday

Klinic Sexual Assault Crisis Line is 1-204-8631 or 1-888-292-7565.

*All of these are free and open 24 hrs, 7 days a week.
Some types of abuse are:

Emotional / Mental / Verbal: Using insults, putdowns, or "jokes", keeping someone away from their friends and family, using jealousy to control, using manipulation, guilt tripping, playing mind games, making threats, etc.

Sexual: Coercing, pressuring or trying to change someone's no into a yes, not stopping if someone wants to stop any kind of sexual activity, getting or waiting for someone to be drunk or high in order to have sex with them, any unwanted touching or any verbal harassment /comments about someone's body, sexuality, etc., sending someone unwanted sexy texts, pictures, nudes, or forcing someone to send them.

Financial: Stealing someone's money, bank card, credit card, etc., bribing, keeping someone from going to work or school, forcing someone to work, trying to control what someone does with their money, or wrecking someone's things.

Spiritual: Making fun of someone's spiritual beliefs, making someone feel like they can't practice their spiritual beliefs, prayers or ceremony's, or forcing someone to change their beliefs.

Physical: Hitting, pinching, biting, "play fighting", threats, using intimidation, restraining (blocking doorways, holding wrists, etc), throwing objects, punching walls, trashing space or objects.

What can you do if you are experiencing abuse?

Remember that it is never your fault.

If someone has experienced a sexual assault, it is never their fault, and they deserve support and help. The Klinic Sexual Assault Crisis Program offers support and counseling through their phone line, (204)-786-8631 or 1-888-292-7565. They also offer in-hospital support for medical exams, advocacy, legal support and in-person counseling services.

Tell someone that you trust about what is going on. This could be a family member, close friend, counselor, elder, teacher or phone line, like the Klinic Crisis Line, 1-888-322-3019 or Kids Help Phone, 1-800-668-6868.

Go for counselling somewhere that will help you and be non-judgmental. For people in Manitoba, the Klinic Crisis Line (1-888-322-3019) can let you know what options you have.

Make a safety plan for yourself. If you decide to end the relationship, try to do it in a public place with lots of people around. If you're deciding to stay in the relationship, your safety plan could include having a bag packed in case of emergency, having a list of people you can call and safe places to go any time of day.

Make a break-up plan. If you are ready to end the relationship, make a plan to ensure your safety including when, how and who you can talk to or spend time with for support.

Do things that make you feel good about yourself as it can be hard to feel good when you're being treated badly.

What can you do if a friend is experiencing abuse?

Let them know it is not their fault.

Listen without judging the other person.

Be supportive and don't try to control or criticize them as that will make them less likely to get help.

Check in with them as much as you can.

Tell an adult you trust.

Encourage them to call a phone line, talk to a counsellor or visit a teen clinic.

Talk to someone about it yourself, because it's hard seeing a friend in that situation.

Often people find it hard to talk about abuse because they don't know how other people are going to react. That means it's important to be open and non-judgmental, so people don't keep abuse a secret.

What can you do if a friend is using abuse?

Sometimes people think that if you are witnessing abuse or disrespectful behavior you only have two choices: get physically involved or do nothing. In reality, getting physically involved often leads to the abuser further hurting their partner or 'getting them back' later. It is important to do something, because by doing nothing we are telling the abusive person that what they are doing is okay.

Here are some ways that you can intervene in any situation. Remember, we should always think about our safety, the safety of the person experiencing abuse and the safety of the people around us. For example if someone is using abusive language you could:

When alone, ask your friend how they are feeling about the situation because their behaviour is probably coming from a place of hurt or anger. Let them know you aren't okay with what is happening.

Offer them support and help to change.

Share resources & information with them

Some things you can say to a friend who is using abuse could be:

"Feeling upset is ok, but your behaviour isn't."

"That's not cool."

"I believe that you can work on yourself and do better."

"I don't like seeing you act that way."

"I see this causing problems for your relationship and for you."

"I can't stand by and watch you continue to hurt someone and I feel like this is driving a wedge between us."

"You are not a bad person, but your behavior is harmful and unhealthy."

Check in with their partner and ask how they would like to be supported.

Role model positive ways to be in a relationship.

Tell an adult that you trust.

It's important to take care of yourself. Someone who is using abuse deserves support and care; however we can't always be the ones to provide that. You have the option to give them resources and take space away from that friendship. Especially if it's impacting you in a really negative way because your friend is not taking responsibility for their behavior, has continued abusing their partner or other people, or they are using abuse & manipulation on you.

If you choose to s top hanging out with your friend who uses abuse, you could say something like ""It hurts me to say this, but I don't think I can stay friends with someone who's hurting others and themselves like this." You can also let them know if they are ready to stop and need help & support, you will be there for them.

Reach out for support. Supporting a friend can be difficult so we need to reach out for non-judgmental support from friends, family, teachers, or guidance counsellors we can trust. Teens in Manitoba can call the Klinic Crisis Line (204-786-8686) or go for free drop-in counselling in Winnipeg at Klinic (167 Sherbrook Street).

What can you do if you are using abuse?

Take responsibility and admit to yourself that you have a problem.

Talk to someone you trust about it like a counsellor, support group, family member, friend, or phone line, etc.

Try to learn different ways of communicating and expressing your feelings.

Learn your triggers such as noticing when you start to get angry by your face turning red, clenching teeth or fists and what you can do to stop yourself..

Leave the relationship, and give the other person space.

Work on changing your behavior. (It is possible, remember that you are not bad person but have bad behavior.)

Healthy Relationships for Guys

So first let's acknowledge that unfortunately, we live in a society that often only recognizes two genders, men and women. That's called a gender binary. We know that in reality there are many ways to express our genders and it goes way beyond just female and male. In order to try and move past this, in this section we will work from the binary for now because the gender binary is so powerful.

The issues in this section actually stem from the binary and the way that we're taught to fit into specific gender roles (how we're taught to act out "masculinity" or "being a man"). That's why, in this section, we speak from the "male" perspective. We also recognize that toxic masculinity can be acted out or expressed by people of other genders and in many different types of relationships, not just heterosexual ones.

Below is some info that we think is specific to guys around masculinity, anger and coping with anger and hard times.

Unhealthy Masculinity

Check out this short trailer for a film called "The Mask You Live In". It's a documentary about masculinity in North America. Just a heads up, it has some swears and harsh language.

As guys, a lot of us probably grew up with certain expectations like:

Be strong

Don't cry

Don't show emotions except anger (even when you're sad)

Want sex all the time

Be aggressive

Do a physical job, be the boss

Be rich/ successful

Be a baller/gangsta

We sometimes call these gender roles or stereotypes. If guys act outside of this list of expectations, we can often be called names or harassed. For example, if a guy does show his emotions, what does he sometimes get called? Fag, wuss...

We know that someone being called a 'fag' is an example of homophobia. This is a perfect example of how all guys are negatively affected by homophobia, even heterosexual men. Homophobia can be incredibly harmful, especially when people are made to feel unsafe by bullying or harassment. We all have a right to attend school or work safely and be free of harassment. If we are experiencing bullying or see it happening to someone else, we need to reach out to an adult that we trust for support.

We are taught these negative messages and stereotypes from: TV/movies, music videos, magazines, internet, social media, billboards and our own experiences with friends and family.

If we see violent behaviour growing up in our family, we may think it is normal or okay to use violence to control the people in our lives.

Buying into these gender stereotypes can affect us as guys, and our relationships, in negative ways like:

Not being able to talk about feelings or ask for help for fear of being seen as "weak." This can lead to higher rates of mental illness and thoughts of suicide.

Our partner being afraid of us

Having a higher chance of committing sexual assault or rape

Not doing what we want in life for fear of being made fun of

Feeling pressured to be sexually active

Feeling jealous and angry

Gender roles/stereotypes stop us from meeting our needs because they limit us to playing a role instead of being who we really are. People are even punished by society for acting outside of a gender role. The roles represent only an extreme of gender, when in reality someone could be anywhere in between or not identify at all with the stereotypes.

Re-Defining Masculinity

We know that unhealthy masculinity can hurt our relationships. The good thing is that we can redefine what it is to be a guy/man and explore characteristics that can help us have healthy relationships.

Check out this quick video to help explore this idea of redefining masculinity. It's an interview with Hip Hop artist JAY-Z about a song he wrote about being a father to his daughter Blue Ivy.

Here are some healthy qualities of being a man:

Strong (in character, able to do what we feel is right even if it's difficult)

Confident (without putting others down)

Able to admit when we are wrong or don't know what to do

Able to show all emotions

Respecting women/other people

Caring

Assertive communicator

Able to ask for help

...what else would you add to this list?

When we make a new definition of masculinity or refuse to act out unhealthy gender roles, we gain the power to communicate and navigate our relationships with respect and dignity. Is this always easy? No, it might take work and practice. And the reality is, sometimes we get our way more when we act tough. But what is lacking is honest connections with people and healthy, long-lasting relationships built on respect and trust.

Anger

Anger is a normal human emotion. It can be caused by anything from a friend's annoying behaviour to worries about personal problems or memories of a troubling or traumatic life event. Click here for more information on trauma and blood/bone memory.

Anger is often related to other emotions. We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger. A lot of the time, as guys we feel like the only emotion we can show is anger.

Gender roles or stereotypes such as "toughen up", "take it like a man" and "boys don't cry" can give us the idea that expressing vulnerable and tender emotions equals weakness.

If not addressed positively, anger can lead to violence and hurting ourselves or the people around us. On the other hand, when handled in a positive way, anger can help us stand up for ourselves and others and fight injustices.

It can help to think of anger as a secondary emotion. A primary feeling is what is felt right before we feel angry. We always feel something else first before we get angry.

It can help to think of anger as a tree. Above the ground there is the part of the tree that shows. This represents anger. Most of the tree is actually underground as roots. This hidden part represents the other emotions linked to anger. Some examples of emotions connected to anger could be fear, hurt, embarrassment, sadness etc.

Anger Cues

Our bodies have cues that let us know we are getting angry. If we each learn what they are we can deal with our emotion before it turns into violence. Sometimes when we get angry we notice feeling hot or flushed, clenched fists or jaw, shaking, can't think clearly, etc.

If we can notice and pay attention to these signs with our bodies, we have an opportunity to deal with the emotion in a healthy way. Check out the next section for ways to cope with anger and hard times.

*This section was adapted from Man to Man: A Tool-kit for Delivering Workshops to Men and Boys about Reducing Sexual Assault, http://www.ncdsv.org/images/FSACC_Man-to-Man-English_2009.pdf

Coping and Resources for Guys

Hard times are going to happen in our lives, so it makes sense to try to figure out healthy ways to cope. These can take some time and work to develop but can really help.

Here are some things that might help get you through:

Talk to someone you trust like a friend, family member, Elder, teacher, or counselor

Call a phone line

Mindful breathing

Attend ceremonies

Cultural practices

Meditate or pray

Masturbate

Hang out with friends

Call people you know

Build or fix something

Cry, laugh and get hugs

Do something creative, draw, paint, or play music

Write down your feelings in a letter, journal, blog, or diary

Get information (medical doctor, Elder, spiritual leader, etc.)

Prescription medication (at the dose prescribed to you)

Watch movies

Play sports, dance, sing, ride bike

Read poetry or create your own

Positive self-talk

...or anything else that you find helps you!

Some ways of coping allow us to reflect on and/or release our feelings (e.g. talking, journaling, making music, art). Other ways help us to feel distracted, numb, or avoid feelings (e.g. watching tv, using substances). Ideally, we do both reflective and distracting activities when dealing with difficult times.

It's also important to make sure that whatever we are doing to cope makes us feel better and not worse. You could think of a volume knob- we want it to turn our volume down, not up. For example, punching a punching bag when you get angry with your partner might actually turn your volume up. Instead you might try going for a quick run or something else that turns your volume down and makes you feel less angry.

Substance use or self-medicating is a choice some people make. It may be helpful in the short term to avoid challenging or difficult feelings, but can sometimes lead to problems in the long run. It's important to know that substances and self-medicating can numb all feelings, both "negative" (shame, guilt) and "positive" (joy, hope).

Even though it can be scary to talk to friends, counsellors, or crisis lines about issues that are going on in our lives, it can be helpful. People on the Klinic Crisis Line, Kids Help Phone or Manitoba Suicide Prevention and Support Line are counsellors who are trained to offer support and help. They understand that calling and sharing is a hard thing to do. They will wait with the you and they won't hang up if you are silent or crying.

The services listed above are free, mostly youth-friendly and try to be non-judgmental. If you try one of these places or come across a person you don't find helpful please try another one. Sometimes we have to try a few different resources before we find one we are comfortable with.

Resources that might be helpful:

Klinic Crisis Line: 204.786.8686 / 1.888.322.3019 (24/7)

Manitoba Suicide Prevention and Support Line: 1.877.435.7170 (24/7)

Klinic Drop In Counseling: 204.784.4067 or a local counselling service

Youth Mobile Crisis Unit: 204.949.4777

Kids Help Phone: 1.800.668.6868 or text "connect" to 68-68-68

Child and Adolescent Mental Health Program Centralized Intake: 204.958.9600 (through referral by a teacher, counsellor, or yourself without a doctor's note, free)

Farm, Rural and Northern Stress Line: 1.866.367.3276

Bro Talk - a section of Kids Help Phone website dedicated to providing male (and male-identifying) youth with support and info around relationships, bullying, substance use, sexual orientation and gender identity, suicide and self-injury, depression and sadness.

whiteribbon.ca - movement of men and boys working to end violence against women and girls, promote gender equity, healthy relationships and a new vision of masculinity.

Project MEND: Males Ending Gendered Violence - a Facebook page focused on engaging men and boys to take a stand against male violence against women and girls and on mobilizing action that fosters equality, respect and solidarity.

Questions about Relationships

W hat if you like someone, how would you know? How can you tell someone likes you?

Everyone experiences feelings in a personal way, so we can't tell you exactly how you might know if you like someone or not. Some of the more common signs someone may have include thinking about the person a lot, feeling nervous and/or excited when talking to the person, or physical feelings of attraction.

As for how to know if someone likes you, the only way to know for sure is by talking with them. There may be hints like this person wanting to spend more time with you, or they be flirting with you, but none of these things guarantees they like us in that way. Sometimes we think someone is flirting when they are not and they may want to spend more time for us because they really like us as a friend.

If you like them and are hoping they like you, it's okay to let them know and it's also okay for them not to return these feelings. This may hurt and feel frustrating, but remember that we don't get to put them down or make them feel bad. If they do like you, but you don't share those feelings, then it's also important to be respectful, but also know that you do not owe them anything. Be honest and direct with your feelings.

Having open conversations about our feelings may be intimidating. Check out our section on Communication for more tips on how to have difficult conversations.

It can be a normal thing to want to find love and/or be in a relationship. We can't give you an exact answer, because there is no set way to find love. Some people get set up by friends and fall in love, others turn to online dating and find love, or bump into someone randomly and it leads to love. Some people do all these things and it does not lead to love.

It's also okay to be single! Being single can give you time to focus on the relationship you have with yourself. This is most important relationship you'll ever have. Strengthening this relationship by doing things that are fun, that help you grow and that bring you pleasure also helps provide you with a good foundation for finding healthy relationships in the future.

Remember that you also already have love in your life. Love comes in many forms, not just romantically. There is love with our friends, our family, our pets, ourselves and with the land. These can all provide us with support, care and wellbeing.

I like someone, but they don't like me. What should I do?

It can feel tough when we like someone who doesn't like us back. Rejection doesn't feel good and that's ok. At some point, everyone who is interested in dating, develops a crush on someone who does not return the feelings. While it's okay to feel hurt or frustrated, you do not get to make the other person feel bad for not liking us in the same way. You also can't try to force the person to like us.

It's important to figure out how to deal with any difficult feelings you may be having. It can help to find a mix of things to distract you and things that give you time to reflect on your experience. Having a mix is important because if you only distract yourself you may not be working through your feelings, while only reflecting on things may start to feel overwhelming. Distractions come from things that give us a break from our thoughts and are fun. This could include hanging out with friends, watching movies or Netflix, playing sports and playing video games. These are just a few examples. Reflecting activities give you a chance to think about and start to release your feelings. Some examples include writing, journaling, art, creating or listening to music and talking with someone you trust.

How do you move on from a relationship?

A relationship coming to an end is never an easy thing. The truth is there isn't a short cut or necessarily easy way to move on from a relationship. Start by taking things day to day (or even hour to hour at first). The biggest thing it may take is time. Time to process, time to heal, and time to move forward. How much time will vary from person to person, and from relationship to relationship. You may find at first you are always thinking about the person. Over time it may become every other day, then every few days and then eventually you won't really be thinking about it at all.

It can help to find a mix of things to distract you and things that give you time to reflect on your experience. Having a mix is important because if you only distract yourself you may not be working through your feelings, while only reflecting on things may start to feel overwhelming. Distractions come from things that give us a break from our thoughts and are fun. This could include hanging out with friends, watching movies or Netflix, playing sports and playing video games. These are just a few examples. Reflecting activities give you a chance to think about and start to release your feelings. Some examples include writing, journaling, art, creating or listening to music and talking with someone you trust.

If my partner hit me, is it wrong to hit them back?

From Teen Talk's perspective we all have the right to feel safe in our relationships. This is a really good question, but it's one that's too big to answer without more info. What we can tell you is that responding to violence with more violence tends to worsen the situation. Sometimes we do have to use self-defence, but this is different than hitting someone back. Hitting someone back is an act of violence, while using self-defence may have to be used to leave a situation.

No matter what the situation is, you don't have to go through this alone. Try talking to someone who can help you: a family member, a school counselor, teacher, social worker, teen clinic, or in Manitoba, the Klinic Crisis Line at (204)786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019 (it's free and confidential). If you are in Winnipeg, you can also visit Klinic for free drop-in counselling. Talking to someone you trust about what's going on in your relationship can help sort out how you're feeling and can be helpful in safety planning.

Yes, abuse can happen to anyone. While it's true that most sexual and physical violence is done by men, our society doesn't always talk openly about when guys experiencing abuse. Sometimes guys are called weak or made fun of if they try to come forward with their experiences. This can make it hard for guys and men to admit that they've been hurt or experienced abuse. No one deserves to be abused and it's ok to ask for help.

All people, boys and men and anyone else, who experience abuse deserve support. You can talk about a relationship with a guidance counselor, at a teen clinic, with a trusted friend or family member, or in Manitoba, use the Klinic Crisis Line at 204.786.8686 or 1.888.322.3019, or Kids Help Phone at 1.800.668.6868. If you are in Winnipeg, you can also visit Klinic for free drop-in counselling.

My friend is in an abusive relationship, how can I help them?

It's stressful knowing that someone we care about is in an abusive relationship. Just being there and listening without judging can be a big help. Try to spend time with your friend doing things that are enjoyable and that you both like to do. Remind them that it's not their fault. You can tell them that you think what is happening to them is wrong and unfair. You can also talk about what you both think a healthy relationship would look like. But it's not helpful to demand your friend to leave their relationship. They may be in a vulnerable place and not feel like they have a lot of power in their life. Having another person tell them what to do only takes more power away. Being supportive may mean allowing them to make choices you don't agree with, but being there for them anyways.

You might encourage your friend to talk to other people they trust (and who might be able to help) about what's going on too. This can help them sort out what they are going through and figure out a plan to keep themselves safe and healthy. You could go with them to see the school guidance counsellor or other adult they trust. Other places to go for help could be a teen clinic or nursing station, help lines like the Klinic Crisis Line 204.786.8686 or 1.888.322.3019 or Kids Help Phone 1.800.668.6868, or if you are in Winnipeg you can try free Klinic Drop-In Counselling.

Supporting a friend who's in an unhealthy or abusive relationship can be challenging and stressful. If you think it's getting to be too much it's ok to set boundaries with your friend and get help for yourself too. All the same resources above may be helpful to both you and your friend.

How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship?

Sometimes it hard to know what's happening in a relationship because we might have strong feelings for the person, we might be in denial or we might think some types of abuse are routine or normal. We all deserve to feel safe and respected at all times in our relationships. Do you feel comfortable around your partner and do you trust them? Do you feel like you're always treated with respect? Or do you feel scared and intimidated by your partner? Do you feel worried about how they might react? Our feelings can tell us a lot about how a relationship is doing.

Here's a list of some of the ways abuse can happen in a relationship that we don't always hear about

Insults and name calling

Criticizing your clothes, your friends, or the way you look

Following you around, texting/phoning you all the time and demanding to know where you are

Trying to stop you from seeing your friends or family

Hitting, or throwing things at the wall

Threatening to hurt you or themselves if you leave

Blaming you for the hurtful things they say or do

Trying to force you to have sex

Taking your money

Putting down your spirituality/beliefs

These are only a few examples. If you feel like you may be in an abusive relationship, talk to someone about it. You can talk about a relationship with a school counselor, at a teen clinic, with a trusted friend or family member, or in Manitoba, use the the Klinic Crisis Line (204)786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019, the Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868, or if you are in Winnipeg you can try the free Klinic Drop-In Counselling. If you are in Winnipeg and need temporary shelter call Macdonald Youth Services, 204.477.1804 or the Ndinawe Safe House, 204.586.2588.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

A healthy relationship includes feelings of respect, equality and safety. Trust is part of a healthy relationship too, but trust is something that may take time to build, while these other three qualities should be in place from the beginning. A healthy relationship does not mean there are never arguments or uncomfortable moments, but it does mean people know how to handle these situations while maintaining respect, equality and safety for one and other.

Building healthy relationships takes work, but they should be fun and enjoyable too! We don't always see good examples of healthy relationships in our lives or in media, so it's important to find good role models or seek out more examples. You can learn more about healthy relationships by reading the section above. Remember, everyone deserves healthy, positive and caring relationships

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We have a lot of different kinds of relationships in our lives. Our relationship with ourselves is one of the most important, because we will have this relationship our whole lives. It can be helpful to work towards having a healthy, caring and compassionate relationship with ourselves.

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Healthy Relationships | Ready or Not Alberta | Ready

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People have different kinds of relationships throughout their lives. Healthy relationships provide support & comfort, and can improve overall health.

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A resource from Rowan House that outlines red flags in dating relationships
https://www.rowanhouse.ca/

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A worksheet from the Rowan House website that helps youth understand boundaries and how to set them
https://www.rowanhouse.ca/

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This information is only to provide a base knowledge of consent laws in Canada based on resources from reputable sources. Consent should be discussed safely and openly with mental health professionals (counsellors), medical professionals (doctors/nurses), or trusted adults (family members, teachers, principals). This is a sensitive and complex topic that requires more education and awareness than these resources provide. Use this information as a starting point for knowledge around consent to sexual activity.
If you, or someone you know, has experienced, or is experiencing, nonconsensual sexual activity, please contact emergency services or any of the resources listed below immediately for further support and guidance.

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Information from the RCMP regarding Respecting Sexual Consent

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The absence of "no" doesn't mean "yes".

You need to actively seek consent! The person initiating sexual activity needs to take reasonable steps to establish consent.

If you are unsure, stop and ask: " Is this okay?"

Recognize nonverbal signs of refusal such as:

Avoiding eye contact

Crying

Pushing away

Shaking head no

Silence

Not being responsive

If someone doesn't give you consent for sexual activity, STOP!

The law and consent

The legal age of consent in Canada is 16 years old.

Exceptions: Persons under 16 years can have consensual sex with someone close in age.

12-13 year olds (two-year age difference)

14-15 year olds (five-year age difference)

These exceptions only apply if the older person is not in a position of authority or trust and there is no exploitation or dependency.

Individuals under 18 years old cannot consent to sex where:

The other consenting party is in a position of trust, authority or there is a dependency on that person

There is an activity of exploitation (i.e. pornography, sex work/prostitution).

You have the right to withdraw consent at any time during sexual activity

Even if you've consented to start a sexual act with someone, you have the right to stop it at any time.

Consenting to one kind of sexual activity does not automatically mean consenting to another.

If you don't want to do something, you have the right to say, "STOP!"

What to do if you've been sexually assaulted

Sexual assault is any unwanted act of a sexual nature that is imposed on another person without their consent.

Regardless of how long ago a sexual assault occurred, you can choose to report the assault to the police. You also have a right to access medical attention and support at any time, even if you choose not to report the assault to the police.

Get to a safe place. If you are in danger, call 911 and/or a local sexual assault response program

Call someone you know and trust to be with you

If the sexual assault was recent and if possible, avoid washing yourself, changing your clothes or combing your hair. Preserve any evidence you can, such as items you had with you. You can still report a sexual assault if you have been unable to preserve evidence

Write down, record, or tell someone you trust all the details you can remember

Seek medical help and emotional/practical assistance or support (e.g., family, friends, crisis centre)

What the police will want to know

What happened, when, where and who else was there

A description of the person who sexually assaulted you (as detailed as possible)

If you don't feel comfortable talking to the police, you can ask to be referred to a victim services unit, health care facility or a community-based service, like a sexual assault centre, for support and information around your options

For more information

Getting help

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The absence of "no" doesn't mean "yes". You need to actively seek consent! The person initiating sexual activity needs to take reasonable steps to establish consent. If you are unsure, stop and ask: " Is this okay?"

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Consent represents someone's willingness to participate, and helps us navigate our boundaries and the boundaries of the people we interact with. Talking about preferences and boundaries can help build intimacy and respect in healthy relationships. Learn more about consent here!

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Nonconsensual Sexual Activity or Sexual Assault 

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Nonconsensual Sexual Activity or Sexual Assault 

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The Calgary Communities Against Sexual Abuse (CCASA) is a resource for support and information for those impacted by sexual violence (including support people).
Call this phone number for information and services provided by CCASA.
Phone: (403) 237-5888

What to do if you've been sexually assaulted

Sexual assault is any unwanted act of a sexual nature that is imposed on another person without their consent.

Regardless of how long ago a sexual assault occurred, you can choose to report the assault to the police. You also have a right to access medical attention and support at any time, even if you choose not to report the assault to the police.

Get to a safe place. If you are in danger, call 911 and/or a local sexual assault response program

Call someone you know and trust to be with you

If the sexual assault was recent and if possible, avoid washing yourself, changing your clothes or combing your hair. Preserve any evidence you can, such as items you had with you. You can still report a sexual assault if you have been unable to preserve evidence

Write down, record, or tell someone you trust all the details you can remember

Seek medical help and emotional/practical assistance or support (e.g., family, friends, crisis centre)

(Information provided from RCMP: https://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/en/brochure-respect-sexual-consent)

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Support Services We provide support services to anyone who is impacted by sexual violence including support people.People can access our services at any time throughout their healing journey. We have a holistic practice that recognizes that healing is not linear and people need different supports at different times. We use...

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Consent to Sexual Activity - Canadian Laws 

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Consent to Sexual Activity - Canadian Laws 

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All sexual activity without consent is a criminal offence, regardless of age.
This resource provides the legal information from the Department of Justice regarding consent laws in Canada.
It is important to understand each term listed on this website, such as what consent is, what sexual exploitation is, or what a position of authority means. These terms should be discussed safely and openly with mental health professionals, doctors, or trusted adults (family members, teachers, principals). This resource is only a starting point for the discussion of the laws involved in consent among adolescents in Canada.

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Department of Justice Canada's Internet site

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The information presented here is intended as general information only. It is not intended to be used for medical/legal advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is not intended to replace an in-person consultation with a healthcare professional. Call Health Link at 811 to speak with a registered nurse 24/7 if you have questions regarding sexual or physical health.

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Okotoks Health & Wellness Centre - Sexual & Reproductive Health 

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Okotoks Health & Wellness Centre - Sexual & Reproductive Health 

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Okotoks Sexual Health Services - Call for more information
Phone: (403) 995-2600 Extension 6

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Calgary Zone clinics offer confidential & youth-friendly drop-in services and booked appointments for Sexual & Reproductive Health services.

Urban Calgary Sexual & Reproductive Health Clinics offer the following services:

birth control information, prescription & free supplies

IUD & contraceptive implant (Nexplanon) insertions & removals*

STI testing & treatment

STI treatment for contacts

emergency contraception (including emergency Copper IUD insertion)

pregnancy testing and options support (parenting, abortion & adoption)

HIV Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) prescriptions*

Pap tests

care after a sexual assault

post-abortion check-ups

HPV vaccination

*These services generally require a pre-booked appointment ( in-person or phone consultation )

Hours of Operation

Note

The Health Clinic is temporarily offering limited appointments. By appointment only, please call clinic to schedule.

Access

Service Providers May Include
doctors, nurse practitioners (NPs), registered nurses (RNs)

Eligibility

We are a youth-friendly clinic and will see people that fit into one or more of the following categories:

are 29 years old or younger

have no Alberta Health Care

can't afford birth control

need a translator

need special services (HIV PrEP, pregnancy options support, emergency contraception, diaphragm fittings)

have a need for our services that they can't meet elsewhere

Eligibility for The Summit: Marian & Jim Sinneave Centre for Youth Resilience, opening 04 April 2023. People 24 years and younger.
Eligibility for Okotoks Health and Wellness clinic: All teens and young adults and any person with barriers to service (e.g., no Alberta Health Care, low income, or English is not first language).

Service Access

Healthcare providers should consult the Alberta Referral Directory for service referral information.

No referral required. Patients self-refer.

Not all services are available at all locations. Check with each clinic to check what services they offer. Some services may be by drop-in or by appointment.

Wait Times

An estimated wait time will be provided at the time of appointment booking.

Service Languages
Interpreter/Translation services

Service Locations

Also Known As

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Okotoks Health and Wellness Centre - Sexual and Reproductive Health - Clinical Services | Alberta Health Services

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Calgary Zone clinics offer confidential & youth-friendly drop-in services and booked appointments for Sexual & Reproductive Health services.

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Information regarding various methods of birth control including how-to's and other important information

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If a person is using birth control it does not mean that they want to have sex. Being prepared is not consent. Consent is an affirmation (yes) from everyone involved that they want to have sex. A yes shows that there is comfort with what is happening.

Being in a relationship or the body being physically aroused (an erection or lubrication of the vagina) is not consent.

For more information on birth control, decision making, consent and relationships, please contact us at 403-283-5580 or info@centreforsexuality.ca to speak with one of our counsellors.

Knowing your options will help you decide on the best method for you.

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If a person is using birth control it does not mean that they want to have sex. Being prepared is not consent. Consent is an affirmation (yes) from everyone involved that they want to have sex. A yes shows that there is comfort with what is happening.

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Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) are infections that can be passed between people through different types of sex. There are three main types of STIs to be aware of, including viruses, bacteria and parasites.
Read Full Article
How do people get an STI?STIs are passed from one person to another during sex. One person must already have the STI to give it to their partner(s). E...
Read Full Article
Which STI test is right for you?Getting tested for STIs can be easy and convenient! People can get tested by their family doctor; at an STI, sexual he...
Read Full Article

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Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) Archives - Centre for Sexuality

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STIs can be passed between people through different types of sex. Learn more about STIs, protecting yourself, and getting tested.

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Pregnancy Archives - Centre for Sexuality

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This section contains information about pregnancy, including how to test for pregnancy and your options if you are pregnant. If you think you might be pregnant and want to talk to someone about your options, we're here to help.

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Your Body Archives - Centre for Sexuality

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Your body is great just the way it is. On this page, learn more about your anatomy, what to expect during puberty, pleasure, and health exams.

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Centre for Sexuality - Counselling Services

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Centre for Sexuality - Counselling Services

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Contact by calling 403-283-5580, or by contacting the Intake Team at intake@centreforsexuality.ca

https://www.centreforsexuality.ca/programs-workshops/counselling/

They typically only do a single session but will then make referrals to additional counselling supports that are longer term and more appropriate based on need.

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This program is for: Individuals and/or families who reside in Alberta who need short-term counselling related to relationships, sexuality, gender and sexual diversity and sexual health. Costs & Fees There is no cost for this program. Location Centre for Sexuality offices or virtually online or on the phone.

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Calgary Outlink is a community-based, not-for-profit charity dedicated to providing support, education, outreach, and referrals for the LGBTQ2IA+ and allied community in Calgary, Alberta.

Inside Out Youth Group meets on Thursdays (currently virtually)

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Calgary Outlink: Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity. Call 403-234-8973

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Skipping Stone is a one of a kind, nationally recognized agency that connects trans and gender diverse youth, adults and families with the comprehensive and low barrier access to the support they need and deserve.
Access to free support groups (groups tab), resources, education, and other events!

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Skipping Stone leads the way in providing affirming care to trans and gender-diverse youth, adults, and families.

We offer a welcoming, positive, and judgement-free space for anyone who identities as trans, transgender, non-binary, or gender diverse, as well as those questioning, exploring or looking to affirming their gender identity or expression.

We look forward and are honoured, to get the privilege of helping all our clients thrive, from kiddos as young as 6 or 7 to adults into their 60s or 70s as well as parents, partners, families and all those who love and support trans and gender diverse folks.

Our unique comprehensive care model focuses on supporting people as the whole, healthy, wonderful humans they are and connecting trans and gender diverse youth, adults and families to the supports and services they need and deserve and has attracted national and international attention and acclaim.

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Emotions signal threats and rewards. Much like a compass that guides us in the right direction, emotions have the power to guide us to the right actions.

For example, when a child commits a mistake, they might get scared and lie to their parents about it, or avoid confronting them for fear of punishment.

Their parents may eventually discover what they did and the child, in all probability will end up facing the same consequences that they were trying to avoid. In this instance, listening and responding to the 'fear' emotion proved futile to the child.

However, the same emotion (fear) would have proven helpful for someone being chased by a wild animal in the forest. In that situation, running to avoid confronting the savage beast would have been the correct decision.

It is therefore crucial to judge when to trust emotional triggers and act on them, and when not to; in other words, it is essential for us to understand how to regulate or control our emotions so we could use them optimally.

In this article, we will discuss the psychology of emotional regulation - what it means, how we can cultivate it, and what methods we can choose to implement emotional management in real life.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and regulate your emotions but will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students or employees.

What is Emotional Regulation? A Definition

"Emotional regulation refers to the process by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express their feelings. Emotional regulation can be automatic or controlled, conscious or unconscious, and may have effects at one or more points in the emotion producing process."

(Gross, 1998, p. 275).

The definition of emotional regulation encompasses both positive and negative feelings, along with how we can strengthen them, use them, and control them.

Emotional regulation involves three components:

Initiating actions triggered by emotions.

Inhibiting actions triggered by emotions.

Modulating responses triggered by emotions.

Ideally, the third component is the best way to make the most of the regulatory processes.

Every day, we face hundreds of emotion-provoking stimuli, and most of them require some action or response from our end. It is only natural for the mind to get hooked into some negative contemplation or unmindfully ignore emotions after getting bombarded with so many stimuli every day (Davidson, 1998).

Emotional regulation acts as a modifier; it helps us filter the most important pieces of information and motivates us to attend to it in a way that wouldn't evoke stress or fear.

Studies on emotional regulation indicate that there is a significant positive correlation between emotion regulation and depression management. People with lower levels of anxiety show higher emotional control and social-emotional intelligence.

Research indicates that emotions are adaptive responses that have a deep-rooted basis in evolutionary biology (Levenson, 1999). The way we feel and interpret them affects how we think, how we decide, and how we coordinate our actions in day-to-day lives.

For example, a person who has poor emotion regulation strategies is more likely to fall prey to mood polarities; their actions and behavioral patterns would always be at the mercy of their emotions.

Quite the contrary, a well-regulated person, will have a better balance and judgment of their feelings and actions. Emotional regulation allows us to carefully judge which affective outcomes to embrace and which ones to avoid (Wegner, Erber, & Zanakos, 1993).

When we confront a provoking stimulus, the natural reaction of the brain is to activate the amygdala, a brain site that regulates the fight-or-flight responses (Lee, 2018; Van der Kolk, 1994). Emotional regulation processes allow us to buy time before we act on the fight or flight triggers.

Kris Lee, a Professor and the author of the book Mentalligence: A New Psychology of Thinking-Learn What It Takes to be More Agile, Mindful, and Connected in Today's World says that with emotional regulation, we can allow the initial upsurge of emotions to settle down and zoom out of the situation before reacting to it.

The increased time gap between stimulus and response restores the mental faculties that involve rational thinking and reasoning. As a result, we can save ourselves from sudden emotional breakdowns or burnout.

6 Most Useful Emotional Regulation Skills for Adults

Self-regulation is all about pausing between feeling and reactions - it encourages us to slow down for a bit and act after objectively evaluating a situation. For example, a student who yells at others and hits their friends for petty reasons surely has less emotional control than a child who, before hitting or yelling, tells the teacher about their problems.

Another huge aspect of emotional regulation is value engagement. When we react impulsively without paying much attention to what is going on inside, we might often deviate from our core values and act in a way that is opposite to them. With proper regulation and self-control, we gain the power to stay calm under pressure and prevent ourselves from acting against our core values and ethics.

Here are some skills that can help in cultivating emotional regulation and sustaining it during challenging times in life.

1. Self-awareness

Noticing what we feel and naming it is a great step toward emotional regulation. For example, when you feel bad, ask yourself - Am I feeling sad, hopeless, ashamed, or anxious?

Give yourself some options and explore your feelings. Try to name the specific emotions that you can feel intensely within yourself at that very moment, and write it down if you want. You need not act or judge the cause and effect of your emotions at this stage; all you need is complete awareness of each feeling that is controlling your mind 'right now.'

2. Mindful awareness

In addition to gaining thought awareness, mindfulness lets us explore and identify all aspects of the external world, including our body. Simple mindful exercises such as breath control or sensory relaxation can calm the storm inside and guide our actions in the right way.

3. Cognitive reappraisal

Cognitive reappraisal includes altering the way we think. It is an essential component of psychotherapies like CBT, DBT, and Anger Management, and calls for greater acceptance and flexibility.

Cognitive reappraisal skills may include practices such as thought replacement or situational role reversals, where we try to look into a stressful situation from a whole new perspective.

For example, we can replace thoughts like 'My boss hates me', 'I am no longer needed here', etc. with alternatives such as, 'My boss is upset at this moment, I am sure I can make up for this', or 'I know I am hard working and honest, let me give it another try', etc.. By doing so, we gain a broader and better perception of our problems and react to them with more positivity.

4. Adaptability

Emotional dysregulation lowers our adaptability to life changes. We become more prone to distractions and fail our coping mechanisms, which is why we often start resisting changes. A great exercise to build adaptability is objective evaluation.

For example, when you feel bogged down by stressful emotions that you want to avoid, and you might end up destructively reacting to them, take a moment to think what if your best friend was experiencing the same thing? What would you have suggested they do under these circumstances? Write your answers if you want to and try to think if you are following the same steps for yourself!

5. Self-compassion

Setting aside some time for ourselves every day is a great way to build emotional regulation skills. Reminding ourselves of our talents and virtues, and letting our minds land on a flexible space can immensely change the way we feel and react to our emotions.

Some simple self-compassion hacks involve:

Daily positive self-affirmations

Relaxation and breath control

Compassion meditation

Regular self-care

Gratitude journaling

6. Emotional support

Psychologists believe that we all have the innate capacity to build a robust emotional repertoire and save our mental energy from getting invested in negativity. We can seek emotional support within ourselves by practicing mindful self-awareness or can seek help outside by engaging in positive communication with others.

It is okay to see a therapist or professional when our inner coping fails; the sole focus is to create a positive emotional shield that can channelize our emotions to bring out the best in us.

Science-Based Emotion Regulation Strategies

Literary resources on emotional regulation have provided a myriad of solutions for emotional dysregulation. While all the self-regulation strategies are undoubtedly useful and practical, the problem arises when we have to choose the best plan for us (Gross, 2015; Ochsner, Silvers, & Buhle, 2012).

Most scientific research on emotional regulation focus on either a particular age group that could benefit from the strategy, or a specific situation in which it works the best (Webb, Miles, & Sheeran, 2012). Little is said about the scientific methods that we could use for taming our feelings at all times.

Recent studies, however, have shed some light in this regard. Researchers nowadays agree that emotion regulation should not be constrained to a time frame or a group of individuals under a specific circumstance, and have proposed a few scientific strategies that could guide us at all times (Aldao, 2013; Gross, 2015).

1. Reappraisal

Reappraisal or cognitive reappraisal ensures long-term wellbeing and offers a permanent solution to emotional distress. Through re-evaluation, we do not aim to suppress or eliminate the negative emotions that cause pain forcefully, instead, we look for better ways of dealing with it (Davis, Senghas, Brandt, & Ochsner, 2010).

In addition to finding appropriate and positive substitutes of the problems, cognitive reappraisal also shifts our focus from the distress and reduces the impact of the negative emotion for a while (Troy, Shallcross, & Mauss, 2013).

2. Self-soothing

Self-soothing, in any form, can reduce the toxic effects of anger, sadness, and agony that negative experiences bring (Heiy & Cheavens, 2014). Scientists believe that self-soothing, as opposed to self-confrontation, guarantees better and quicker answers when it comes to managing thoughts and emotions.

We can practice several variations of self-soothing exercises, including:

Self-compassion and loving-kindness meditation.

Music meditation, where we set aside some minutes to listen to music and unwind ourselves with the relaxing sound.

Reminiscence therapy, which works great for resolving emotional conflicts involving other people. The practice involves merely sitting and trying to recollect all the good memories we have once had with the person we are now struggling with.

Breathing exercises, including breath control, breath counting, and simple breath relaxation.

Simple self-care such as a hot bath, a relaxing massage, cooking for yourself, etc.

3. Attentional control

Attentional control starts with reappraisal. It aims to divert our attention away from the negative emotion and allows us to look at it from a rewarding perspective.

For example, we can overpower the irresistible anger and shame that follows an insult or abuse from someone, by thinking of it as a lesson that taught you to avoid building connections with rude people.

By focusing more on what you learned from the conflict, you not only save yourself from the severe stress and agony, but you also gain a perspective of how you can avoid such interpersonal disputes later. As a result, you are successful in modulating your responses to the negative encounter and restoring your mental peace altogether (Gross & John, 2003).

What is Emotional Regulation Disorder?

As the name indicates, emotional regulation disorder is a condition of impaired or dysfunctional ability to regulate and manage emotions optimally. Emotional Dysregulation (ED) is a term mental health specialists use for emotional responses that are weakly managed and deviate from the accepted range of positive reactions.

The emotional regulation disorder is often manifested by symptoms such as:

Sudden and unexplained anger outbursts that get displaced to someone who did not cause any harm. May include passive-aggressive patterns of behavior.

Somatoform symptoms such as chronic pain and illness not caused by any medical condition and remain unexplained by medical professionals.

Self-destruction or self-harming behavior, including extreme thoughts of suicide.

Difficulty in building and maintaining healthy social relationships in personal and professional fields.

Attentional dysregulation, including the inability to focus on meaningful work because the mind is too occupied with negative thoughts and emotions.

Hypersensitivity and poor self-control.

The worst part of Emotion Regulation Disorder is that it mostly comes in association with other mental health issues such as depression, stress, or extreme mood polarities, and therefore, management requires an overall intervention plan for addressing all the associated problems.

The most common intervention psychologists use for managing EDD is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), in combination with some cognitive strategies and emotional support adjuncts.

The prognosis of Emotional Regulation Disorder is relatively good, considering the number of practical interventions that we could use. The best results are, however, seen when the person chooses to take charge of it soon and participates in a long-term treatment plan.

5 Tips for Fostering Emotional Regulation in Children

Emotional regulation is an absolute necessity for academic, social, and moral development in children. Parents often find it overwhelming to find the right way to teach emotional regulation to their children and help them deal with the inevitable stressors of everyday life.

Emotional perception and management are never the same for two people, which is why successfully training someone to regulate their emotions can be a difficult task. However, psychologists over the years have come up with some great solutions to this problem.

Here are some hacks that parents and carers can use to cultivate emotional regulation in youngsters (Toub, Rajan, Golinkoff, & Hirsh-Pasek, 2016).

1. Model the right behavior

Children learn best through observation. Showing them what to do rather than verbally directing is sure to generate better results. For example, a child grows up with parents who treat each other with respect and resolve their conflicts without being abusive, will learn to be more emotionally balanced and resilient than a child who grows up with aggressive and abusive parents.

It is essential to show children that positivity is the 'only' way to deal with stressors, and the best way to do it is by practicing the same ourselves.

2. Delay response time

Encourage the child not to give immediate reactions. Whenever the kid gets angry or is sad, ask them to hold back for a while and react after that. The delay in response time allows the fight-or-flight response to settle down, and in all probability, the child would respond less intensely than they would otherwise have.

3. Work on the child's emotional vocabulary

Self-expression works great for emotional regulation in children. Often, a child experiences something that they are unable to explain, and the frustration that follows leads to an unpleasant reaction that is not acceptable.

A useful strategy is to create a chart with all the emotions named in it, with examples or face illustrations of how the particular passion makes us feel. Being able to call the feelings they are experiencing makes a child more vigilant and aware of their innermost feelings, and reduces the chances of emotional outbursts.

4. Teach them about actions and consequences

When a child is aware of what their actions might bring to them, they will likely choose their steps carefully. Whether in the classroom or at home, we can engage in meaningful conversations with kids about what is an action and what could be its consequences. For example, teachers and parents could make a chart and list some activities with their potential impacts and ask the child to decide which actions they would choose.

5. Let them detect stress

The goal of fostering emotional regulation in children is to make them self-dependent as a person in the future. There are particular situations, people, or events that create stress in children, for example, going to school away from parents, getting scolded by teachers, or someone taking away their favorite toy.

If we could devote some time to help them identify the little things that bring unpleasant feelings in them, it can go a long way in making them aware of their stressors and provide them the strength to deal with their emotions effectively as they grow up.

What is DBT and How Does it Relate?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a cognitive and behavior-oriented psychotherapy that relies on active communication to address mental health issues. DBT is especially useful for treating personality disorders like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) where individuals lose track of their emotional control mechanisms.

The core principle of DBT is that the arousal levels in different stressful encounters vary from person to person. For example, the way an adolescent would react to their parent's death would be different from how a 50-year-old person would respond to parental loss, and needless to mention, the consequences of these reactions would hugely differ too (Kleindienst et al., 2011).

Again, a person who is timid and shy would react differently to any abuse from an extravert and friendly person. By considering these individual differences, DBT makes the interventions precise and person-centered.

In its pure form, DBT is:

Supportive - in the way it helps individuals understand and manage their emotional experiences and reactions.

Cognitive - because it emphasizes thoughts and acknowledges the fact that our emotions arise from the way we think and interpret the contemplations.

Mutual - as it requires equal amounts of attention and effort from the client and the therapist. Much like CBT interventions, DBT also relies on collaborative exercises, activities, and homework that help in assessing progress.

The reason why DBT is suitable for dealing with emotional regulation disorder is that it lets individuals learn, acknowledge, and change their faulty thought patterns themselves (Siever & Davis, 1991). DBT doesn't coerce solutions or rush to diagnosis; it operates on the belief that unless we can internalize the positive emotions and learn to use them ourselves, no therapy can be good enough to make us happier.

DBT skills for emotional management includes:

Learning and identification of negative and positive emotions.

Labeling and naming emotions.

Reducing emotional vulnerability and hypersensitivity.

Gaining awareness about how we are feeling at the present moment.

Understanding desirable actions and implementing them in real life situations.

Enhancing stress management and coping techniques (Bohus et al., 2004; Linehan, Armstrong, Suarez, Allmon, & Heard, 1991).

4 Emotional Regulation Activities & Exercises

Below are four exercises that can be practiced by anyone. Breathing regulation exercises are useful in a variety of settings, and just being mindful of emotions in general can benefit any person.

1. Breathing exercises for emotional regulation

Three main breathing exercises help in modulating emotions:

Breath Counting - Where we sit calmly for a few seconds and slowly start counting. For example, you can count 5 to inhale and 7 to exhale. The goal of this exercise is to focus on our breathing and follow the counting as we inhale and exhale.

Breath Shifting - Here we place one hand on our chest and the other hand on our abdomen and notice how they rise and fall with each inhales and exhales. By doing so, we aim to see the difference between the chest and belly movement during breathing, and it helps in regaining focus into our bodies.

Breath Relaxation - Breath relaxation is the most basic breathing exercise and practically works well for any stress, anxiety, or emotional disorder. The practice is to sit back and take deep breaths with eyes closed, and continue doing so until we can feel the connection between our mind and body, and realize the stress and negativity are fading away with the deep breaths.

2. Exercise for emotional catharsis

The most significant problem of emotional dysregulation disorder is the inability to let go of emotions. Even after realizing the inappropriateness of irrational thoughts, they find it hard to eliminate them from the mind (Singer et al., 2012). Through emotional catharsis, which is a way of venting out the suppressed emotions, we can achieve the mental balance that we often seek.

The practice is simple and involves five easy steps:

Observing emotions as they are, without trying to change them at the first instance.

Trying to evaluate the experience and feelings that come with a particular emotion.

Acknowledging the fact that we are not our emotions. For example, if we are feeling sad, it doesn't have to mean that we are depressed individuals. Emotions are just a state of mind; they come and go.

Naming the emotions aloud or writing them the way you feel it.

Talking about them to a friend, family, or therapist, without being afraid of judgment.

3. Mindfulness for emotions

We know that mindfulness is the art of living in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness helps us gaining awareness of our mind, body, and feelings. It builds a secure connection to the present and allows us to look at our thoughts and feelings from an objective and neutral perspective.

There are two types of mindfulness exercises that help in emotional regulation:

The 'Acknowledgment' Exercises - including careful observation, naming thoughts, and labeling emotions.

The 'Implementation' Exercises - including practices of thinking non-judgmentally, active and empathetic listening, effective communication, and self-expression.

4. Self-awareness techniques

Self-awareness, for the most of it, is a counterpart of mindfulness and is tied in with recognizing one's own emotions and the ways they affect us.

A great way to manage unhealthy emotions through self-awareness is the thought naming exercise, where we make a list of all the thoughts that are dominating our mind this very moment, the people or circumstances that we think may be causing them, and name the emotions in one or two words.

We can practice this as a daily self-help practice, and make a chart like the one shown below:

Useful Therapy Modalities

Which therapy modalities are particularly useful for emotion regulation?

1. Emotional Regulation Therapy (ERT)

Emotion Regulation Therapy is a person-centered approach to dealing with affective regulation. It uses parts of CBT, DBT, Mindfulness, and other humanistic approaches to achieve the following goals:

Helping individuals identify, acknowledge, and describe their emotions.

Allowing unconditional self-acceptance that ultimately results in emotional regulation.

Preventing them from avoiding feelings and choosing actions that impact on their wellbeing.

Helping them learn better decision-making, constructive critical thinking, and problem-solving skills.

ERT interventions operate on a four-dimensional model, as shown below. Studies have proved that administering ERT strategies to patients increase their chances of recovery from disorders such as GAD, PTSD, and severe depression (Fresco, Mennin, Heimberg, & Ritter, 2013).

2. Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive Therapy interventions used in emotional regulation include:

Cognitive Distraction - which is an antecedent-focused strategy involving a careful shift of attention from the negative emotion to something pleasant (Gross, 1998). It is a practical approach where clients get positive stimuli from therapists or coaches to focus on when they feel low. Slowly, the individuals get conditioned to shift their attention the moment they catch themselves indulging in toxic emotions (Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco, & Lyubomirsky, 2008; Sheppes, Scheibe, Suri, & Gross, 2011).

Cognitive Reappraisal - As we discussed before, cognitive reappraisal is an intervention whose goal is to help us acknowledge the negative emotions at first, and then slowly replace it with other positive emotions that are less provoking.

Cognitive Labeling - Labeling is a neuro-linguistic process of identifying emotions as they arise. Studies have shown that when we can recognize and literally 'name' our feelings and have a complete awareness of the emotional boundaries, there is decreased activity in the amygdala, a part of the brain that regulates emotions (Hariri, Bookheimer, & Mazziotta, 2000; Lieberman et al., 2007).

3. MBCT (Group Therapy)

MBCT or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy reduces the chances of relapse in people with emotional regulation disorders. It has proven benefits in treating cardiovascular conditions, hormonal deficits, and hypertension that comes with emotional imbalance.

MBCT is usually conducted in group settings, which makes it a preferred option for many people. The process mainly entails in forming a positive relationship with our innermost feelings.

For example, when someone is at the verge of relapsing depression, MBCT teaches them how they can overcome the blues by not trying to change themselves. Through mindfulness and meditation, MBCT reforms the way we feel about ourselves.

Techniques for Working with Autism

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are a group of neurodevelopmental conditions that interfere with a person's social, emotional, and executive functioning.

As stated in DSM 5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Health Disorders), autism causes:

Impairment in communication and social interaction.

Repetitive behavioral patterns that may sometimes be aggressive or extreme.

Poor impulse control and judgment.

Muscular inflexibility, involuntary movements, and other sensory-motor disturbances.

The typical difficulty that most autistic individuals face is executive dysfunctioning, including impulse control problems, emotional management, self-expression, and anger management.

Psychological regulation strategies specifically created for helping people with ASD primarily focus on separating emotions from the self. It helps autistic individuals understand that they need not act on their feelings; they learn that simply acknowledging emotions can also be a way of responding, without hurting themselves or others.

Another significant aspect that ER strategies deal with is the social and communication deficits autistic people face. There is a 5-point scale that many mental health practitioners and special educators use for helping ASD clients. The scale is created visually to facilitate easy comprehension. The test is systematic and follows a step-by-step approach.

The test starts with the identification of the problem areas, for example, daily routine, self-care, communication, etc.

After identification, caregivers of the client rate each problem based on how much it affects them on a 5-point scale where 5 indicates the most severe issue, and 1 indicates the least severe problem.

After listing down and rating the troubles, parents or caregivers come up with a list of the environmental and social factors that they think might be causing the problems.

Finally, the therapist makes small cards with visual illustrations of each situation that parents earlier labeled as a potential stressor. The cards are presented to the autistic person one by one, and the therapist asks them to express in their way how they feel about it.

Other ER based strategies for helping ASD includes visual expression, media awareness, creative painting and crafts, and group activities.

3 Worksheets to Implement the Theory

There are three worksheets especially applicable to emotion regulation.

1. The Radical Acceptance Worksheet

Marsha Linehan, a famous American psychologist and the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, adopted the concept of radical acceptance from Buddhist teachings and incorporated it in her works later.

The Radical Acceptance Worksheet is often used in DBT interventions as it helps in enhancing self-awareness and understanding the underlying causes of our emotional struggles. The worksheet consists of seven subjective questions, the answers to which suggest the level of emotional control and indicate possible thinking errors.

The sheet is illustrated below. Each question comes with clear, guided instructions, and there are no right or wrong answers here.

The Radical Acceptance Worksheet

Question 1 - Describe a stressful situation you encountered. How did the situation occur? How did it affect you?

Question 2 - Did you or your behavior lead to the situation stated above? If yes, how?

Question 3 - How did others around you contribute to the situation?

Question 4 - What control did you have on yourself during that situation?

Question 5 - What was your reaction to the situation? Do you think your behavior impacted your emotions?

Question 6 - Did your reaction affect others around you? If yes, how?

Question 7 - How would you react to similar stressful circumstances in the future?

2. Emotion Regulation Worksheet

The Emotion Regulation Worksheet is a step-by-step approach to identifying our emotions in a clear and unbiased manner. Adapted from Linehan's manual for treating Borderline Personality Disorder, this worksheet helps in delving deep into the causes and consequences of an intense affective response.

With simple questions that indicate functionality of the emotion, this self-help manual lets us gauge how powerful our emotions can be. The worksheet is shown below.

Find more information on the emotion regulation questionnaire here.

Think of a situation in the past that evoked strong emotions in you and answer the following questions:

What led to the situation?

How did you interpret the situation?

How intense were your emotions (say on a scale of 0-100)?

Did your emotion influence others' actions? If yes, how?

Did the emotion influence your actions? If yes, how?

Did your emotion influence your judgment? If yes, how?

3. The PLEASE Worksheet

The Please Worksheet is standard in DBT interventions for emotional management and self-expression.

PLEASE is an anagram using five key concepts:

Physical health and illness

Mood changing substances

Eating habits

Sleep

Exercise and Fitness

Through managing these aspects of life, the PLEASE Worksheet fosters emotional management and promotes healthy living. The exercise has questions dedicated to each of the five components, and results reflect how the areas affect our emotions and actions. The worksheet is briefly illustrated below.

Since it is usually a counterpart of therapy, the PLEASE Worksheet should ideally be used under professional supervision.

Examples of Emotional Self-Regulation
When was the last time you managed to express your vulnerabilities without hurting yourself or others?
Emotional regulation is not a skill that some of us have, and some of us don't. It is a capacity that is inbuilt in us. We all manage to regulate our emotions in some circumstances and fail to manage them in others. There is no all or none principle that works with emotional regulation in human life.

For example, imagine your boss yelling at you for some mistake. How would you react? Would you yell at them back and resign from the job, or perhaps deal with it calmly and let go? Now, if the same situation happened at home, where you do something wrong, and your partner shouts at you, how would you answer back? Would you hold back your anger and be rational like you were at work, or would you get into a fight with your spouse?

In the above example, the same person (you) could regulate and redirect your emotions at work but fail to do the same at home. You could keep your nerves under control in one situation but lose your judgment in another. This is how emotional regulation can fluctuate in us. Our goal, at all times, should be to maintain a balance in our emotional reactions irrespective of the situation.

There are numerous examples of emotional self-regulation that we can find around us. For example, a person who is on a strict diet and attends a social gathering with all delicious delicacies around has the power to tame their urges and regulate the hunger emotions so they wouldn't cheat their diet.

Leaders who manage large teams and have to make crucial decisions for their organization to maintain a sturdy mental balance that would help them maintain their leadership and success.

Self-regulation in adults or children come from rigorous self-observation, environmental learning, and focused self-awareness. To effectively manage our emotional reactions at work or home, here are some steps that we can all take.

Daily breathing and relaxation.

Healthy eating, sound sleep, and regular exercise.

Quality me-time and a stable self-care regime.

Frequent day-outs or trips with family and friends.

Effective communication with self and others, especially when the conversations are difficult or awkward.

Maintaining a sound work-life balance (Connelly et al., 2012).

Games for Group Therapy Settings

Emotional Regulation group activities often use fun games to make the sessions more exciting and motivating for clients. Group ER activities also work exceptionally well for differently abled people and young children. Some simple ER games used in group therapy settings are discussed below.

1. Traffic Light Game

This is mostly used for children where one participant plays the role of traffic police, and the others play car drivers who wait for the signal. When the traffic police hold the green card, the other kids move forward, and when they lifts the red card, they stop and remain where they are.

After the role play is over, the facilitator uses the metaphor to teach the kids that red cards are bad feelings that they should not chase. When they see those red cards, they should stop until the green (happy) cards come in.

2. Jenga

Jenga is an everyday group activity used for adults and children to foster decision-making and rational planning of actions. The way participants stack the blocks and displace them one by one without breaking the whole stack creates mindful movement strategies that further help in emotional management and decision-making.

3. Follow the Leader Exercise

The purpose of this group activity is to teach that when we are not in charge of our decisions, the best idea is to stay silent and let the time pass. The game is played in a role-play format where each participant takes turns to act as the leader, and others act as their subordinates.

The leader, who is in charge of all decisions, gives orders and their employees have to follow them whether or not they want to. The activity trains them on how to follow the rules and stay calm when something does not go according to the way we want.

Best Books on Emotional Regulation

1. Handbook of Emotion Regulation - James J. Gross

The Handbook of Emotional Regulation is a comprehensive compilation of some of the most useful and scientifically-backed strategies for modulating emotions.

The detailed chapters of the book provide a vivid roadmap of how we can start identifying negative emotions and effectively overcome them in the long-run.

The concepts mentioned by author James Gross are futuristic, research-oriented, and has substantial implications for neuroscience, psychology, and overall health.

Find the book on Amazon.

2. Self-Regulation Interventions and Strategies: Keeping the Body, Mind, and Emotions on Task in Children with Autism, ADHD or Sensory Disorders - Teresa Garland

Author Teresa Garland has put in her years of research on emotional regulation in children in the book Self-regulation Intervention Strategies.

With over a thousand activities and fun exercises that can be blended in academic and other child-care settings, this book is the ultimate guide for parents and teachers who aim to raise emotionally balanced kids.

Find the book on Amazon.

3. Emotion Regulation in Children and Adolescents: A Practitioner's Guide - Michael A. Southam-Gerow

Emotion Regulation in Children and Adolescents is a practical manual or self-help guide for adolescents, young adults, and children, for promoting positive affective self-regulation.

With worksheets, activities, and objective assessments, this piece provides valuable knowledge on how we can confront and manage difficult emotions ourselves.

Find the book on Amazon.

4. DBT Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance - MCKAY M

As the name suggests, this book is dedicated to understanding and learning DBT skills that help in emotional management.

The book follows a holistic perspective and focuses on all areas of emotional balance, including tolerance, mindfulness, coping, and attention.

Find the book on Amazon.

A Take-Home Message

The way we interpret our emotions determine the way we react to it. Emotional regulation does not mean being happy all the time; neither does it guarantee to shield us from pain. With emotional management, we gain the ability to accept our feelings and overpower them.

Emotional regulation is all about moving on and not letting temporary setbacks stop us from reaching our goals. It is tied in with values, expressions, self-compassion, gratitude, and rational thinking, which accounts for the inner peace that emotion regulation brings with it. And as the saying goes, "Feelings are visitors, we should let them come and go."

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don't forget to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free.

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Emotional Regulation: 6 Key Skills to Regulate Emotions

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Emotion regulation is about moving on and not letting temporary setbacks stop us from reaching our goals, and can account for inner peace.

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Emotions help us relate to other people, know what we want, and make choices. Even "negative" emotions are useful. Find out how to understand emotions and use them effectively.

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Emotions help us relate to other people, know what we want, and make choices. Even "negative" emotions are useful. Find out how to understand emotions and use them effectively.

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KidsGrief.ca is a free online resource that helps parents support their children when someone in their life is dying or has died. It equips parents with the words and confidence needed to help children grieve life's losses in healthy ways.

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No matter how, where, or when pregnancy or infant loss occurs, it is significant. This series of modules explores some of the unique aspects of the grief you may experience after a pregnancy or early infant loss.

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MyGrief.ca is an online resource to help people move through their grief from the comfort of their own home, at their own pace. It can help you understand your grief and approach some of the most difficult questions that may arise. It was developed by people who have experienced the death of someone important to them and grief specialists.

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We all experience moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. Even the most confident and happy people have moments where they think, "I'm such a failure."

It's a part of being human. However, if you find yourself having these kinds of negative thoughts frequently or letting these feelings get in the way of living a healthy and happy life, it may be time to do something about it.

Luckily, there are many ways to increase your sense of self-worth. It probably won't be easy, but it can certainly be done.

Building self-esteem can be a difficult, though rewarding, journey in adulthood. It's much easier to develop this characteristic at a young age and to foster it while growing up. If you are a parent, child therapist, teacher, or any other valued adult in the life of a child, you can use these tools to begin cultivating a healthy sense of self-esteem in the children in your life.

We'll provide several methods and activities for building self-esteem, starting with self-esteem worksheets for young children and ending with self-esteem worksheets for adults.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you show more compassion and kindness towards yourself but will also give you the tools to help your children, young clients or students learn how to practice self-compassion and develop healthy self-esteem.

Self-Esteem Worksheets for Kids in Primary School

Primary or elementary school is a fantastic time to start helping a child develop self-esteem. A child's mind is generally much more flexible and open than an adult's, so it's ideal to begin planting the seeds of healthy self-esteem at an early age.

The worksheet and activities listed below are some of the ways you can help a child develop the self-esteem that will act as a buffer against some of life's most difficult obstacles and challenges.

Something About Me: Self-Esteem Sentence Completion

This is an activity that both children and adults can get engaged with, although this worksheet is geared toward children. A similar worksheet for adults is included later in this article.

This "Something About Me" worksheet is intended to help children identify their own positive traits and characteristics and to recognize their accomplishments.

It's a simple worksheet with six sentence prompts and space for a child to fill in the blanks.

The sentence prompts are:

My friends think I'm awesome because...

My classmates say I'm great at...

I feel very happy when I...

Something that I'm really proud of is...

I make my family happy when I...

One unique thing about me is...

These sentences are constructed with clear and uncomplicated language that most elementary school students should understand, but it may help to go over this worksheet with your child. Encourage your child to think about each sentence and not to rush.

Completing this activity can help children build the foundations of an authentic and healthy self-esteem that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Click to see the Something About Me Worksheet.

Things I Like About Me Worksheet

This worksheet was created to help young children learn how uniqueness makes a person beautiful. This worksheet should be completed with a parent or other trusted adult to help explain the distinction between inner beauty and outer beauty.

The worksheet includes the following instructions:

"You are beautiful because you are unique, both on the inside and on the outside. Look inside and outside at your personality, what you can do, how you treat others, and who you are, then write down some things that you like about you on this mirror."

Also included is the prompt "Things that make me beautiful" and space to write five things. It's okay to write something external, like "my hair" or "my eyes," but make sure your child writes at least one or two inner traits or qualities in addition to the external qualities.

It's never too early to start combatting the extreme focus society places on external beauty, and this worksheet is a great start. Of course, it can also be used with boys to help them learn the same lesson.

Click to download the Things I Like About Me Worksheet and give it a try.

"I'm Great Because..." Worksheet

This worksheet can be an excellent way for young children to explore what makes them good and likable people, and to help them build a foundation of healthy self-esteem. The instructions are to print it out and complete the statements-without worrying too much if the user can't complete them all-and keeping the worksheet handy for the next time the user experiences feelings of low self-esteem.

The worksheet lists 20 sentence-completion prompts that children fill out with something positive about themselves. A reason, in other words, that they are great. These prompts include the following:

I like who I am because...

I'm super at...

I feel good about my...

My friends think I have an awesome...

Somewhere I feel happy is...

I mean a lot to...

Others reckon I'm a great...

I think I'm a pretty good...

Something I really enjoy is...

I really admire myself for...

My future goals are...

I know I can achieve them because I'm...

I'm naturally gifted at...

Others often praise my...

Completing this worksheet will give your child an opportunity to list all of the good things about himself or herself without fear of being overly proud or self-absorbed.

It's good to be both realistic and positive about yourself, and this is a good way to begin a habit of positive realism. Children may need an adult's help in completing this worksheet, but try to let them come up with their own ideas about the traits and characteristics they like about themselves.

Try this I'm Great Because... Worksheet for yourself.

Friendship Ingredients

This is a great worksheet for helping children learn about what makes them good friends and what they should look for in a friend. Completing this worksheet will likely take some guidance from an adult, but it can be a positive way for children to start thinking about what kind of people they want to be.

It's a simple activity with only one short set of instructions:

"Making friends is like making a cake. List the traits that are important for making friends"

Next, it provides spaces for the child to write down five traits-or friendship "ingredients"-and explain why they are important in a friend. The simple nature of this worksheet allows children to put their imagination to good use.

They might need some help from an adult, but they should be able to come up with several traits that they find important in a friend.

Click to download this Friendship Ingredients Worksheet and help your child learn how to both find and be a good friend.

Self-Esteem Journal For Kids

This activity is great for any age, but this template is meant specifically for young children. We'll explore an adult version later in the article.

Keeping a self-esteem journal is a great way for children to begin thinking about the good things that they do and experience, setting them up for a positive outlook on life. This worksheet lists three-sentence completion prompts for each day of the week, starting with Monday.

The prompts include " One thing I did great at today...," " Today it was interesting when...," and " I made someone smile when... "

Completing these prompts every night for a week should help your child feel more optimistic and begin focusing on the good things that happen instead of the bad. Follow this link to download and use this Self-Esteem Journal Worksheet with your child.

5 Self-Esteem Activities for Teens in Middle or High School

While it's best to start self-esteem building young, there is still tons of room for growth and development in this area for middle- and high-schoolers.

The activities and worksheets below can help your teenager start or continue to build a healthy sense of self-esteem.

Designing Affirmations Worksheet

Affirmations are a popular way to help combat low self-esteem in both adults and adolescents (Bloch & Merritt, 1993; Lynch & Graham-Bermann, 2000).

This worksheet will guide adolescents through one of the most popular, tactical approaches to designing affirmations. You'll find instructions on how to create effective affirmations, as well as example goals, affirmations, and tips to help you.

In a nutshell:

Affirmations start with the words "I am...";

Affirmations are positive. Never use the word "not" in an affirmation. For example, instead of writing "I am not afraid to express myself," you could write, "I am confidently sharing my opinion";

Affirmations are short;

Affirmations are specific. For example, instead of writing, "I am driving a new car," you would write, "I am driving a new black Range Rover";

Affirmations are in the present tense and include a word that ends in "-ing";

Affirmations have a "feeling" word in them. Examples include "confidently," "successfully," or "gracefully";

Affirmations are about yourself. They should be about your own behavior, never someone else's.

Once you have read and understood the guidelines, the worksheet provides space for you to write down some affirmations of your own. Refer back to the guidelines as much as you need.

When you have a set of affirmations ready to put to use, you can try these tips for using them:

Use positive self-talk;

Set big goals and stay mindful of your goals (write them down and place them somewhere you can see them every day);

Say and visualize your affirmations every day;

Take time to see yourself accomplishing the goals you've set;

Think about how good it will feel once you have accomplished your goals.

To get into the habit, try to start by sticking with a schedule-for example, you might try repeating your affirmations:

Visualizing and planning for success makes it much more likely that you will achieve your goals. If needed, give your child guidance and support when coming up with affirmations, but allow them to take ownership of this activity and see the amazing results of their commitment.

You can access the Designing Affirmations Worksheet here.

Understanding Self-Confidence Worksheet

This worksheet can be completed by adolescents who wish to build up their self-esteem and self-confidence. The completed worksheet can be kept handy for the next time you're feeling low in self-esteem and need a boost.

You can always your worksheet and be reminded of your personal power, and use it to transform situations in which you feel less confident.

The worksheet is divided into three parts:

Part A involves thinking of a situation in which you felt confident and experienced a sense of self-worth, and answering the following questions:

1. What is the situation?

2. What do you say to yourself about the situation (self-talk)? How do you feel physically?

3. What sensations and feelings do you have in your body?

4. What do you do as a result of this?

Part B involves thinking of a recent situation in which you felt lacking in self-confidence and answering the same four questions listed above.

In Part C, you are instructed to look at your answers to Parts A and B, then use that information to answer these questions:

Completing this worksheet will help adolescents explore their feelings in two very different situations, analyze their responses to these situations, and come up with an action plan for the next time they experience low self-esteem. This exercise will help them take control of their development and give them a sense of ownership in their own wellbeing, a trait that will serve them well in the future.

Click this link to see the Understanding Self-Confidence Worksheet.

You, At Your Best Worksheet

This worksheet is a great way to help clients reflect on the personal character strengths that define them at their best. The exercise aims to use narrative and storytelling; clients are asked to identify their unique strengths by writing a story about a past experience where they were "at their best".

It takes them through four stages:

1. Start by asking your client to recall a specific occasion during which they were at their very best. It could be a problem or difficult time that they overcame successfully, or where they accomplished something they were proud of. It should be a situation in which they felt energized, positive, and proud, and they will create a (true) story about it.

2. They then write the story, emphasizing their own character strengths and personal values in the narrative. Using descriptive language, this second step is about recounting what happened, what they brought to the situation, the emotions they felt, and/or the ways they helped others.

3. Your client's story should be structured with a start, middle, and a powerful ending. Writing the narrative might be easier if they try to vividly reconstruct the experience in their minds while doing so.

4. This handout/homework worksheet then instructs the client to go back over their story, circling or highlighting keywords and phrases that they feel relate to their personal strengths.

This subjective, feelings-based exercise is a useful way for you or your client to reflect on their unique character strengths and qualities, helping to enhance their self-esteem.

Find the You, At Your Best Worksheet in our Positive Psychology Toolkit©.

My Wins

This activity is especially great for kids and younger teens who are crafty and creative, although people of all ages and talents can take part.

The My Wins Worksheet is an artistic prompt for you or your child to draw, paint, or otherwise represent the things-their achievements and qualities-about themselves that are important to them. You may wish to use a theme for this activity or for each 'win', like "family," but it's okay to engage in this activity with no specific theme in mind as well.

This is a simple worksheet that has only the outline of different certificates. In each, your child can represent the personal qualities, achievements, and traits that they value.

For example, if your child is dealing with self-esteem issues, he or she can use the theme "What Makes Me Great" and focus on filling the frames with reasons why he or she is a good friend, a good child, a good student, and a good person in general.

Before You Die

This activity uses a very basic technique that you can build upon as needed. The point of this activity is to help your client identify meaningful goals that are connected with their personal values.

Striving toward and achieving one's goals is an important way to build self-esteem. You build the most solid foundation of self-esteem and self-confidence with the building blocks of positive experience and success. The more individuals recognize their ability to meet the goals they set for themselves, the more likely they are to feel confident and worthy.

This ' Before You Die' Bucketlist Worksheet provides more information on the theory behind goal-setting, motivation, and positive behavior change, as well as an applied framework that will guide your client through the process.

The first column of the table provided is for specifying the goal that your client would like to accomplish 'before they die'. Try to make these as specific as possible, regardless of whether or not they are practical. A useful question to ask when filling out this column is, what would I like to accomplish if I had only one year to live?

In the second column, the client is encouraged to dig a bit deeper into the personal motivations for this particular goal. Why is it important to them? How might it enhance the meaning in their life?

Use the final column to rate the meaningfulness of these items on a scale of zero to ten, where 0 = not at all meaningful, and 10 is extremely meaningful.

At the end of this exercise, the user should have a list-or at least the beginnings of a list-which features meaningful life goals, a stepping stone toward confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. You can access the worksheet by subscribing to the Positive Psychology Toolkit©, with over 400 exercises.

Exercises for Building Self-Esteem in College Students and Adults

Again, while building self-esteem is a practice best started young, it's never too late to begin investing in your own self-worth.

Self-Esteem Sentence Stems Worksheet

This worksheet leads the reader through a sentence completion exercise for adults. This exercise is exactly what it sounds like: It includes prompts with space for you to complete the sentence in the way that feels right to you.

Completing this exercise can help you explore your thoughts and feelings, and to open up and share them with others. For users of this worksheet, this exercise will help them become more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with others, making it easier to work through their self-esteem issues.

Next, it instructs users to set aside 5-10 minutes several times a week to complete the worksheet. After two weeks of completing the worksheet, users can review their responses to get an idea of their general outlooks on life and see how things have changed since they began.

The intended result is for the answers to become more positive over time.

After the instructions, the sentence prompts are listed, including:

I have always wanted to...

I'm secretly afraid of...

This week I would enjoy doing...

I often look forward to...

I feel something that the future holds for me is...

I get my strength from...

One person couldn't live without is...

I would never...

It made me feel great when...

I love when...

I find it hard to...

My dream is to one day that...

It makes me angry when...

I sometimes fear that...

This week is going to be...

Something I deeply desire is...

I flourish when...

This week I hope to...

Something I do secretly...

I find it hard to admit...

Answering these questions can give you helpful insight into yourself, what makes you happy, and what you struggle with. If you're a therapist, you can introduce this exercise to clients by filling out a few prompts together.

This allows you to communicate important messages to your client and to help them feel comfortable with the exercise. For example, you can finish the prompt "Right now, I'm happy that..." with "my favorite hockey team won last night." This can be a good way to defuse tension and start off with an easy and relatively harmless example.

Download and work through this Self-Esteem Sentence Stems Worksheet.

Self-Esteem Journal Template

For those of you who have heard of or kept a gratitude journal, this exercise might feel familiar. Not only can journaling help you find more things in your life to be grateful for, but it can also give you the opportunity to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings, leading to discovery and understanding of the self (Kaczmarek et al., 2015).

The worksheet begins with a short paragraph about the potential benefits of journaling, including improved self-esteem and wellbeing. Users are encouraged to use this template to reflect on the meaningful moments of their days and review the changes in their emotions and general outlooks over time.

Next, there are five tables set up with prompts and space to write. The first table includes the following prompts:

The prompts in the second table are:

The third table includes:

In the fourth table, the prompts are:

The final table lists these three prompts:

You have probably noticed that these prompts are intended to provoke positive responses. The positive focus of this exercise is what sets it apart from ordinary journaling or writing in a diary. Even when you've had a rough day, these prompts can help you find the good things in your life and remind you that no matter how hard things have been, you've survived them.

If you are a therapist providing this worksheet to your client(s), encourage them to think critically about what their answers reveal. This exercise can be a quick and short-term mood boost, or, with commitment and effort, it can facilitate positive growth and development.

Click the link for this Self-Esteem Journal For Adults Worksheet.

Gratitude Worksheet and Journal Template

If you are not familiar with the gratitude journal technique, this worksheet is an excellent way to give it a try. Research has linked gratitude to a multitude of positive outcomes, like increasing wellbeing (Wood, Froh, & Geraghty, 2010), improving relationships (Algoe, Haidt, & Gable, 2008), increasing optimism (Dickens, 2019), and helping people find meaning in their work (Waters, 2012).

Gratitude journaling is one of the best ways to inject more gratitude into your daily life, and it can be done in just a few minutes a day. The gratitude journal worksheet opens with some tips to help you journal effectively, including recording at least five things you are grateful for each day, aiming for one new thing to be grateful for each day, and reading through old entries to see how far you have come since you began.

The template is simple, with space for the date, and two prompts below.

Alongside Blessings in the second row, list things that you feel thankfulness for. Examples might be an encouraging friend, particular capabilities or qualities that you possess, or even just being alive.

The second prompt, Reflections, encourage you to elaborate on them. Research suggests that this reflection builds on the positive impacts of simply listing things that you're grateful for, by focusing your thoughts on them in detail. For instance, you might use this last row to consider what things might look like if you didn't have that supportive partner or that ability to be patient.

It's a good idea to fill in the journal once or twice a week, thinking of something that you have not yet expressed gratitude for. More examples include a teacher who profoundly affected your development whom you never thanked or something you may take for granted, like good general health. There are many ways to set up and complete a gratitude journal, but this is a great way to begin.

This Gratitude Journal is included in the Positive Psychology Toolkit©, but this simplistic PDF can also guide you.

Reframing Critical Self-Talk Worksheet

This exercise is a great way to address negative automatic thoughts and self-talk, challenges that people with low self-esteem and/or mental health issues often face. It's not surprising that talking down to yourself will lead to and exacerbate self-esteem problems, but the good news is that it is not an unsolvable problem.

Challenging negative self-talk is a core technique in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a type of therapy that has proven effective in helping a wide range of conditions, diagnoses, and problems. CBT helps clients discover some of their most deeply held, often unconscious, beliefs, allowing them to evaluate these beliefs and challenge those that are not useful.

This reframing worksheet opens with an explanation of negative self-talk and how you can identify and confront it.

Next, the tool is described. It includes two main steps intended to help you understand where your critical thoughts are coming from and what they feel or sound like.

1. Increasing your awareness of self-critical talk: To begin tapping into your self-awareness, take some deep breaths. When you realize that your inner critic is doing the talking inside your head-perhaps when you are unsuccessful at something-pay attention to what that self-talk sounds like. Are there specific core phrases that you tend to say to yourself? How does that negative voice sound?

2. Taking action to soften your self-critical voice: Once you've become aware of when you're criticizing yourself, it's time to try self-compassion instead. In these instances, the worksheet suggests, consider what you might say to someone you care about if they were in the same scenario.Try changing the mental tone you're using and take on a more positive one you might use when you're feeling good about who you are. Finally, try to come to terms with what exactly it is that you're being self-critical about. Is there something you might learn from this criticism if it were presented more constructively instead?

This tried-and-true technique will help you or your client recognize self-directed criticism and challenge it on the spot, leading to greater self-esteem and peace with oneself.

If one of your clients is having trouble coming up with positive responses to their self-critical thoughts, encourage them to consider what they would say to a dear friend or loved one who was struggling with these thoughts, as the sheet suggests. Sometimes it's easier to be kind to others than to ourselves, but that is something that can be remedied with time and practice.

The full version of this worksheet can be downloaded from the Positive Psychology Toolkit©.

Identifying and Challenging Core Beliefs

Similar to challenging negative thoughts, it can be an extremely effective therapeutic technique to discover, identify, and challenge your core beliefs. We often carry negative or false unconscious or semiconscious beliefs, never stopping to recognize the values and norms that we buy into on a daily basis.

This exercise will help you or your client explore and define deeply held beliefs that guide thoughts and behavior.

The worksheet begins with an explanation of what core beliefs are:

"Core beliefs can be defined as the very essence of how people see themselves, others, the world, and the future."

Next, it explains how core beliefs can influence one's thinking and emotions through an example interaction.

"Interaction: You are attending an interview for a job that you really want."

In this situation, you must choose between three briefcases to bring along to work, each representing a different core belief:

Internal thought associated: "I am naturally adept with lots of experience in this field. I deserve this role."

Your reaction: You feel confident as you enter the interview, and subsequently land the job.
Purple briefcase-"I'm talented"
Internal thought associated: "I have lots of experience and I think I'm good, but someone else will probably get the job over me."

Your reaction: You don't feel great heading into the interview. You relatively positive feedback but don't land the role.
Orange briefcase-"I'm unsure whether I'm talented."
Internal thought associated: "There's no way I'm getting this job. Other candidates are much more capable than me."

Your reaction: You don't get the job.

These examples show that the thoughts we carry with us, everywhere we go, can have a profound impact on our feelings, our behavior, and the associated outcomes.
Green briefcase-"I'm not talented."
Finally, the worksheet presents an opportunity to apply what you have learned from these examples to your own life. You are prompted to identify three negative core beliefs and three reasons why each belief is not true.

It can be difficult to identify the first core belief, especially if you have several very deeply held negative beliefs that you have never even considered challenging before. However, once you get the ball rolling with the first belief, it should get easier as you go.

To give this Core Beliefs Suitcases worksheet a try, follow the link.

Assertive Communication Worksheet

Low self-esteem and poor or underdeveloped communication skills often go hand-in-hand (Blood & Blood, 2004). It can be difficult to share feelings with others if you don't feel your feelings have value, an all-too-common symptom of low self-esteem.

Learning to communicate assertively will not only help you form better relationships and find new opportunities, but it can also facilitate a shift in the way you think about yourself (Law & Sivyer, 2003).

The word "assertive" may make people with low self-esteem hesitant. Being assertive might sound overly aggressive, pushy, or just too out of character.

The worksheet addresses this right away with an explanation about how three common communication styles differ:

Aggressive Communication
Defined by speaking in a mean, harsh, or sarcastic manner, taking instead of compromising, maintaining glaring eye contact and speaking in loud or threatening tones, putting others down, being inappropriately honest, and bullying or trampling others.

Assertive Communication
Defined by being firm but polite, compromising, maintaining warm and friendly eye contact and a conversational tone, building up others and oneself, being appropriately honest, and standing up for oneself.

Passive Communication
Defined by being too nice or weak, being overly compliant, avoiding eye contact, speaking softly, putting oneself down, being emotionally dishonest, and allowing others to trample you in conversation.

When laid out in this way, it is clear that being an assertive communicator is nothing like being an aggressive communicator. Assertive communication is simply expressing yourself honestly and directly, while being polite and open.

The worksheet provides space and instructions to record three scenarios in which you communicated assertively and list the emotions you felt afterward. If you can't think of an instance where you have communicated assertively, don't worry! You can make that a goal for yourself in the next week.

You can see this Assertive Communication Worksheet for yourself and begin building up your communication skills.

Tips for Overcoming Low Self-Esteem and Low Self-Worth

Apart from these worksheets and activities, there are tons of tips out there for building self-esteem and self-worth.

Dr. John M. Grohol (2011) offers these six tips:

1. Take a self-esteem inventory to give yourself a baseline. This can be as simple as writing down 10 of your strengths and 10 of your weaknesses. This will help you to begin developing an honest and realistic conception of your self.

2. Set realistic expectations. It's important to set small, attainable goals that are within your power. For example, setting an extremely high expectation or an expectation that someone else will change their behavior is virtually guaranteed to make you feel like a failure.

3. Stop being a perfectionist and acknowledge both your accomplishments and mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and trying to be will only lead to disappointment. Acknowledging your accomplishments and recognizing your mistakes is the way to keep a positive outlook while learning and growing from your mistakes.

4. Explore yourself. The importance of knowing yourself and being at peace with who you are cannot be overstated. This can take some trial and error, but it's a lifelong journey that should be undertaken with purpose and zeal.

5. Be willing to adjust your self-image. We all change as we age and grow, and we must keep up with our ever-changing selves if we want to set and achieve meaningful goals.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing ourselves to others is a trap that is extremely easy to fall into, especially with social media and the ability to project a polished and perfected (and false) appearance. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

Henrik Edberg (2017) offers a similar set of tips for improving your self-esteem:

Say "stop" to your inner critic;

Use healthier motivation habits;

Take a two-minute self-appreciation break;

Each evening, write down three things that you can appreciate about yourself;

Do the right thing;

Fight against perfectionism;

Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way;

Be kinder toward other people;

Try something new;

Stop falling into the comparison trap;

Spend more time with supportive people (and less time with destructive people);

Remember the "whys" of high self-esteem.

To read these tips in more detail, you can visit Edberg's blog post on improving self-esteem here and read more about positive body image here.

Ten Days to Self-Esteem Improvement: An Action Plan

While it can take time to build up a solid sense of self-esteem, it's possible to kickstart the process.

For a guide on quick ways to put the process in motion, check out the book Ten Days to Self-Esteem by psychiatrist and author David Burns. While self-help books are often hit-or-miss, Burns has an impressive record of success with his patients and his readers. At the very least, it can't hurt to give it a shot.

This book helps the reader identify the causes of low self-esteem and provides activities and exercises to start increasing self-esteem. It's written in plain English, not psychiatric jargon, and has earned an impressive four-star rating on Amazon.

If you don't have the patience to go through an entire book, there are some simple things you can do now to jumpstart your self-esteem journey:

1. Think hard about the root cause(s) of your insecurities. The first step to defeating formidable foes is to learn about them, and this situation is no different. Identifying the events that led to a low sense of self-worth can provide valuable information for challenging these negative beliefs.

2. Use the "Negative Self-Talk" and "Identifying and Challenging Core Beliefs" worksheets (available in the adult worksheets section of this article) to help you identify negative thoughts and begin to replace them with alternative thoughts.

3. Be kind to yourself. If you find yourself being excessively negative to yourself, stop and consider how you would feel if someone said those things about a close friend or family member. Extend the same compassion you'd give a friend or family member to yourself.

4. Make a plan. Set achievable and realistic short-term goals for yourself to complete in the next week or so. Achieving something, no matter how small, can be an excellent boost to your motivation.

5. Celebrate your success. When you accomplish a goal, successfully challenge a negative thought, or catch yourself extending kindness toward yourself, mark the achievement with a celebration! Taking the time to revel in your success and enjoy the moment can give you the inspiration you need to continue your journey to self-improvement.

A Take-Home Message

We hope this piece helped you find useful ways to begin or continue improving on your self-esteem, but if you only leave with one lesson learned, we hope it is this:

You can improve. You can get better. You can reach your goals.

It may not feel like it at the moment, but know that no matter how down you might be feeling, there is always room for growth and improvement.

Which techniques have you used to improve your self-esteem? Were they effective? Please share your experience with us in the comments section.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don't forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free.

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18 Best Self-Esteem Worksheets and Activities (Incl. PDF)

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Here are PDF self-esteem worksheets, activities, and exercises for kids, teens, and adults. Use these resources to build up self-worth!

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Guide to Parents & Youth about Body Image and Self-Esteem 

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Guide to Parents & Youth about Body Image and Self-Esteem 

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Author: Jessie’s Legacy, a program of Family Services of the North Shore

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Body Image and Self-Esteem | Here to Help

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Body image is both the mental picture that you have of your body, and how you perceive yourself when you look in a mirror. Self-esteem is how you value and respect yourself as a person—it is the “real” opinion that you have of yourself.

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Do you ever wish you could change something about your body? If so, you're not alone. Lots of people feel unhappy with some part of their looks. But when you get stuck on what you don't like, it can really bring down your self-esteem.

You don't need a perfect body to have a good body image. When you like your body as it is, right now, you boost your body image. And your self-esteem too.

What Does Body Image Mean?

Your body image is the way you think about your body. This includes your thoughts and feelings about it. These can be good or bad and can change from time to time.

How Can I Accept the Way I Look?

Some people think they need to get in better shape to have a good body image. They think, "When I get in better shape, I'll like my body." But it's best to start the other way around. Accept yourself first. Here are ways to do that:

Realize that nobody's perfect. Everyone has "flaws," even people with seemingly ideal figures. So see your body the way it is rather than the way you want it to be.

Don't body-shame yourself. When you make harsh comments about your own body, it harms your self-esteem. That's true whether you say something out loud or think it to yourself. It can hurt as much as if someone else said it. So be kind and respectful to yourself. Ask, "Would I talk this way to my best friend?" Treat yourself like a good friend would.

Don't compare yourself with other people. The saying goes "comparison is the thief of joy." Find things to like about your own body and be thankful for all the great things it can do.

Accept compliments. When someone gives you a compliment, say "thank you" instead of not believing what's being said.

How Can I Like My Body?

When you accept your body, it's possible to learn to love (or at least like) what you have. Here's how:

Find things to like about your looks. Every time you look in the mirror, find at least two things you like about yourself. Maybe your hair, face, or hands. What about your shape, shoulders, or legs? Your eyes or smile? Make a habit of telling yourself what you like and why. If you get stuck, ask someone who cares about you, like a good friend or trusted adult. Know that there's lots to like about you. Let yourself feel good.

Focus on what your body can do. There's more to your body than your looks. When you play a sport, walk, run, dance, or swim - that's your body in action. Your body is there for you when you stretch, reach, climb, or jump for joy. It also allows you to you carry and build things, and give someone a hug. Be amazed and thankful.

Be aware of your body. Pay attention to your body as you go through the day. Enjoy the way it feels when you walk, run, and play. Listen to it when it needs food or rest. Things like yoga can help you observe your body more closely, teaching you to pay attention to how you breathe and move.

How Can I Take Care of My Body?

Taking good care of your body can make you feel better about it. Start caring for yourself with these tips:

Eat healthy foods. Learn what foods are good for you and how much is the right amount. Take your time when you eat. Really taste your food and enjoy it. Eating right helps you look your best and boosts your body image. It also gives you the energy you need. When you treat your body right, you feel good about yourself.

Get good sleep. Learn how much sleep you need for your age and get to bed on time. Turn off screens hours before bedtime so you can sleep well.

Be active every day. Your body needs to move to be strong, fit, and healthy. Be active by playing a sport. You can also run, walk, work out, do yoga, or dance. Pick activities you like and have fun.

Keep a healthy weight. Being at a healthy weight is good for you, and it helps you feel good about your body. Don't compare your weight with someone else's. Your doctor can tell you what you should weigh. If you're not at a healthy weight, don't try to change your diet on your own. Always talk with a parent or doctor first. Your doctor can suggest ways to reach and stay at a weight that's right for you.

What if I Need Help With My Body Image or Self-Esteem?

Sometimes, body image or self-esteem problems are too much to handle alone. Health issues, depression, or trauma can affect how you feel about yourself. And eating disorders can cause a poor body image that isn't true.

Tell a parent, doctor, or therapist what you're going through. Ask for help. Body image and self-esteem can get better with help and care.

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When your body changes, so can your image of yourself. Find out how your body image affects your self-esteem and what you can do.

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Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Mental Health 

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Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Mental Health 

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treatment guide

Most people feel some stress when it comes to taking a test. Moderate levels of stress can actually improve motivation, memory, and attention, and enhance test performance. Test anxiety, however, involves stress and worry that interferes with test performance, well-being, and attitudes toward school.

Symptoms of test anxiety may be physical and mental, and can include sweating, nausea, stomachache, shaking, muscle tension, nervousness, feeling overwhelmed, and the feeling of one's mind going blank.

Most treatments for test anxiety are similar to treatments for other types of anxiety, with a couple unique differences. In addition to relaxation skills and cognitive restructuring techniques, treatment for test anxiety also includes practical study tips and test-taking skills.

Practical Skills

Treating test anxiety begins with teaching study tips and test-taking skills. Research shows that using these skills can help students stay relaxed, focused, and motivated to do well on a test ( 5).

Study Tips

Good study habits are important for students at all levels. Discuss these tips with your client and develop plans for integrating the tips into students' current study habits.

Establish a study routine. Creating a routine-such as studying for an hour after dinner, or for a half hour each morning-will encourage consistency. When getting started, create a study schedule and set reminders on your phone to help build the habit.

Create a dedicated study area. Choose an area that is free of distractions where you can set up your study materials, and leave them between sessions. When it's time to study, you won't spend time searching for something you need. Just sit down, and you're ready to go.

Focus on the quality of studying, not the quantity. It's more effective to space out many short study sessions, rather than having one marathon session. Try studying in half-hour to hour-long blocks, with breaks in between. This way, you can stay alert and focused the whole time.

Make studying a priority. When it's time to study, take it as seriously as you would take a job. Don't skip study sessions, start on time, and give the task 100% of your attention.

Set specific study goals. Goals give direction to a study session and provide a sense of accomplishment when completed. Create goals that can realistically be completed in a single study session, such as: Learn the terms in chapter 1, pass the chapter 2 practice quiz, take notes on chapter 4, or review class notes for 30 minutes.

Don't stop at reading-write down what you learn. By typing or hand-writing information, you will engage in active learning, which can improve retention and understanding. Try making flashcards, writing chapter summaries, or creating an outline of the material. As a bonus, you can refer back to what you've written to quickly review the material.

Quiz yourself to make information "stick". Look for practice tests or discussion questions after each chapter you read. Another way to "quiz" yourself is to teach something you've studied to a friend, a pet, or even an inanimate object, without looking at the material.

A change of scenery can improve information retention. If you're feeling unfocused, unmotivated, or just plain bored, try studying somewhere new. Libraries, parks and coffee shops are great alternatives for breaking out of your routine.

Take care of your mind and body. Healthy sleep habits, exercise, and a balanced diet will boost memory and brain function. Studying is most effective when it's balanced with good habits.

Download Worksheet
Test Day

Come Prepared

Get enough sleep. Forgoing sleep in order to study is actually associated with doing more poorly on the test (8).

Avoid caffeine. It might be tempting to consume a lot of caffeine in order to feel alert, but caffeine can exacerbate anxiety (4).

Arrive right on time. By doing this, you avoid anxiety-inducing situations, such as seeing others cramming for the test, discussing what will be on the test, and hearing others voice their own anxieties (5).

Get comfortable. Eat a good meal before the test, wear comfortable clothes, and choose your favorite seat in the classroom (5).

Use Test-Taking Strategies

Do a "memory dump". Jot down important terms, formulas, or other relevant information as soon as you receive the test. This creates an information bank you can refer to throughout the test (5).

Consider the point values. Skim the test to get an idea of the number of questions and their point values. Start with easier questions to build confidence, and spend more time on questions that are worth more points (3).

Take your best guess. Some students with test anxiety experience their mind going "blank" when they get a test, regardless of how much they studied. The good news is, they haven't actually lost all the information they studied, so taking an educated guess will usually be better than leaving an answer blank (5).

Check your work. Before handing in the test, go back and check that all answers are correct and complete. Not only will this cut down on errors, it will also reassure you that every question was answered to the best of your ability (5).

Tip: Don't feel rushed by other students' finishing the test early--just because someone finishes quickly, doesn't mean they got everything right!

Relaxation Skills

Students may experience test anxiety before, during, and after a test. Relaxation skills-such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation-can be used to manage this anxiety. For best results, students should practice these techniques regularly, rather than using them only on test day.

Deep breathing. Deep breathing reduces anxiety by slowing heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and triggering a feeling of relaxation. Concentrating on breathing also distracts from negative thoughts related to testing. Deep breathing is discreet, effective, and easy to use. Here's how to practice:

How to Use Deep Breathing

1. Sit back in a comfortable position, and close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so. TIP: When learning deep breathing, place one hand on your abdomen so you can feel it rise and fall with each breath.

2. Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds.

3. Hold the air in your lungs for 4 seconds (or less, if this becomes uncomfortable).

4. Pucker your lips, and slowly exhale through your mouth. Time the exhalation to last 6 seconds. TIP: For practice, try exhaling through a straw. This will get you in the habit of exhaling slowly.

5. Repeat the breathing cycle for at least two minutes.

Tip: Because deep breathing can be used discreetly, it is a great choice for anxiety reduction during a test.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR). In this technique, students learn to slowly tense and relax their muscles, one-by-one. By doing this, they learn the difference between the feelings of tension and relaxation, and learn to consciously relax their muscles in order to feel calm. Students are encouraged to practice this technique daily. Here's how to use it:

How to Use Progressive Muscle Relaxation

1. Sit back or lie down in a comfortable position. You may close your eyes.

2. Beginning at your feet, notice how your muscles feel. Are they tense, or relaxed?

3. Tightly tense the muscles in your feet by curling your toes. Hold the tension for 5-10 seconds.

4. Release the tension from your feet, and allow them to relax. Notice how different the states of tension and relaxation feel.

5. Move up your body, repeating the cycle of tensing and relaxing each group of muscles. Be sure to practice on the following groups of muscles: legs, pelvis, stomach, chest, back, arms, hands, neck, and face.

Cognitive Restructuring

Identify cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are irrational thoughts that tend to be negative in nature. Irrational thoughts lack evidence, but can still lead to feelings such as depression, anger, and anxiety. Students with test anxiety may hold a number of cognitive distortions related to test-taking.

Below are some examples of test-related cognitive distortions:

"I'm going to fail!"

"If I don't get an A, I'm worthless."

"All my classmates are smarter than me. There's no way I'll do well on this test."

"I never do well on tests, so I won't do well on this one."

"I passed the first test, but only because it was easy."

"If I don't do well on this test, I'll never get a job."

"The teacher doesn't like me, so he'll probably give me a bad grade."

Challenge cognitive distortions. Once students identify cognitive distortions that are harmful, they can challenge them by examining the evidence. Socratic questioning, decatastrophizing, and putting thoughts on trial are techniques that can be used for this purpose. Once cognitive distortions are challenged, they can be replaced with rational, adaptive thoughts.

Use these resources to learn more about cognitive restructuring, or to practice:

Use positive self-talk. Self-talk refers to internal dialogue, or statements people say to themselves. Negative self-talk regarding test-taking ability leads to negative feelings about testing, which can lead to poorer test performance. Positive self-talk, on the other hand, leads to positive feelings about testing, and can improve test performance ( 1).

Below are some examples of positive self-talk:

"I'm well-prepared for this test."

"I'm going to do my best."

"I can get through this."

"This is going to be okay."

"Tests are never as bad as I think they'll be."

"Even though I'm anxious, I can still do well."

"I'll use relaxation skills to calm down."

"I can see myself passing this test."

So, how can students actually use positive self-talk? Start by creating a list of rational and believable positive statements (e.g. "I studied well", rather than "I'm the smartest person in the world"). Statements should be rehearsed at least once a day, but more practice is better.

Here are some ways to use positive self-talk to reduce test anxiety:

Make a habit of using positive self-talk. Place the list of positive statements somewhere prominent-such as on a mirror, desk, or nightstand-and repeat the statements whenever you see the list.

Link statements to physical cues. Say a positive statement whenever you pick up your backpack, sit down at a desk, or put on headphones. With enough use, these actions come to trigger a positive thought.

Use positive self-talk during the test. Even if you have been practicing positive self-talk, the testing situation will still be stressful, and negative thoughts might return. Positive self-talk can counteract this negative thinking, and increase self-confidence (2).

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Treating Test Anxiety (Guide) | Therapist Aid

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Most people feel some stress when it comes to taking a test. Moderate levels of stress can actually improve motivation, memory, and attention, and enhance...

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Let's test your motivation intuition. According to the research, what motivates people the most to meet their goals?

Want your kid to clean out the garage? Offer them an allowance. Want an employee to do better? Give them a bonus. This is how most people think about incentives and motivation, but science says that financial rewards are poor motivators for success.
The real motivator: 3. Progress!
In his New York Times Bestseller, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Daniel Pink pulls apart four decades of scientific research on human motivation. Let's dive into what the science says about how to motivate yourself AND others.

#1: Small Wins Self-Motivate

We used to think financial incentives were the best kind of motivation. Pink argues that these are outdated. The deep human need to direct our own lives, to learn and to create new things is the secret to high performance and satisfaction. According to Pink:

Typically, if you reward something, you get more of it. You punish something, you get less of it. And our businesses have been built for the last 150 years very much on that kind of motivational scheme.
Daniel Pink

Harness the power of small wins by being a hero of progress. Whether you are talking to your colleague, your spouse or trying to motivate yourself, highlight progress. Here's how:

When sitting down to make your to-do list, start with what you already have done up top. Make a little ceremony of checking off the progress you already have made before doing more.

Make scoreboards for yourself and your team so you can see how far you have come in the middle of a big project.

When speaking with teammates, instead of saying what they have to do next, talk about what they did already. When giving a compliment, highlight specific tasks already achieved. Don't talk about how little they have left; talk about how far they have come!

Don't just start celebrating small wins - stop your big losses. Here are 7 things you need to stop doing.

#2: Self-Motivating Talk

What does it sound like in your head?

Sometimes, I wish I could hop into someone's head to hear what they really are thinking. Our thoughts are secret-and it's a good thing too. We are far more brutal in our minds than in reality. The problem is, our thoughts matter.

As a man thinketh, so is he.
The Book of Proverbs (King James edition)

Here are the major questions I have for you:

When you talk to yourself, are you nice? Mean? Harsh? Sweet?

Do your thoughts match your actions?

Would you be okay broadcasting your thoughts?

Over the past few years running the Science of People, I have shared with you, my readers and students, that I am a 'recovering awkward person.' Most people immediately ask me two questions following this statement: How were you awkward? And how are you recovering?

This blog is filled with many of the practical tips I use to fight awkwardness and successfully interact with people. But I rarely get into the mindset of behavior change. This post is the first time I will go in depth into the thoughts behind behavior and motivation.

Here are some of the most common bad habits that hurt our motivation:

Procrastinating

Eating Badly

Smoking

Not Exercising

Working Too Much

Working Too Little

Watching Too Much TV

Drinking

Losing Things

Gossip

Being Disorganized

Forgetting Things

Lying

Complaining

Ignoring Problems

Starting But Never Finishing

Any of these look familiar? The first step to getting motivated is understanding how your thoughts are tied to your actions.

#3: The Brain Believes What You Tell It Most

I recently picked up the book What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Shad Helmstetter. Dr. Helmstetter argues that we are programmed by our thoughts. His ideas are very similar to the process I use when interacting with people and overcoming social anxiety. While the neurological evidence in the book is scant, I did want to use it as a springboard for discussing mindset. In fact, this is something I run into all the time in our lab. Specifically, our self-truths:

Self-Truths: The ideas we tell ourselves. The beliefs we carry around whether they are true or not.

Sometimes, we learn self-truths from life experiences. Other times, we pick them up from those around us. And yet other times, we believe what we are told by parents, bosses and teachers.

For example, I had no chance to be good at math. From a young age, I was told 'it wouldn't come naturally to me' or that 'math will be your worst subject' and sometimes even, 'math is hard for girls.' And guess what? It was! (And is). I wonder what would have happened if I had been told the opposite?

Here are some other common negative self-truths I hear people say all the time:

I am horrible at remembering faces.

I never get a break.

I have terrible luck.

I can't remember names.

I'm awful with people.

I'm so awkward.

I'll never fit in.

I'm not creative.

Mondays are always slow.

I'm no good at ...

Things never work out for me.

I'm just not the type of person who ...

I'm so clumsy.

Do any of these sound familiar? I want to take a moment and have you think about some of your self-truths. What are some limiting beliefs you say to yourself?

I'm not good at _______________________________________.

I always _______________________________________.

I never_______________________________________.

I'm just not the type of person who ________________________________.

I'm not very _______________________________________.

These kinds of thoughts KILL motivation before you even can get started. If you are warming up your brain with these kinds of thoughts, there is no way you can work or be productive as your best self.
If nothing comes to mind with these, DON'T fill them in! But if one instantly pops into your head, you might just have learned something interesting about yourself. Read on...
#4: Motivation Buzzkills

The other kind of self-talk can come up around certain people or in specific situations. I call these motivation buzzkills. We have no chance of motivating ourselves if we constantly are putting ourselves down. For example, I feel very out of place in nightclubs and loud bars. My self-talk sounds something like, "I am so uncool!" or "I don't belong here." This is probably a learned self-truth. I had a few bad experiences early on and now I can't shake them.

A friend of mine tends to chastise herself whenever she is around her mother. Before driving over to her parents' house for dinner, she will sit in the car and agonize, "I'm always so late... I never have my life together." And the sad thing is her mom says the same thing the moment she walks in the door. "Honey, you're always late-you have to be more organized!" This is a taught self-truth that has turned into a motivation buzzkill. Every time she goes over to see her mom, she constantly is self-doubting, which makes her more disorganized and late. Her mom reaffirmed the behavior at a young age, and she held onto it.

Where do you put yourself down?

At Work

With Your Boss

Around Your Parents

With Your Friends

With Your Productivity

At School

With Technology

With Your Health

Do you struggle with procrastination? Read our guide to beating procrastination here.

#5: Limiting Wishes

Sometimes, self-truths come in the form of limiting wishes.

Limiting Wishes: A future state that we hope will solve all of the problems from our current lacking self.

For example, one woman came into our lab and told us that the reason she can't make friends is because of her horrible nose. "I look like a toucan," she said. "When I'm talking to people, I know all they are thinking about is my nose. As soon as I get it fixed, it will be so much easier to meet people."

Let me ask you a question. Have you EVER not been able to talk to someone because you didn't like their nose? No. Absolutely not. We tried explaining this to her in every way possible. We even had people watch videos of her and rate her on a variety of personality traits. Not one single person mentioned her nose in the comments, in the post-interview, nothing. However, she was convinced of this limiting wish. Her limiting wish was, "If only my nose was smaller, I would be able to make friends."

Here are common limiting wishes:

If only I was thinner

If only I was taller

If only I was richer

If only I was funnier

If only I was smarter

If only I got that promotion

If only I could move to that city

If only I could find a significant other

If only I was older

If only I was younger

Do you have any limiting wishes? Any desires that are holding you hostage?

If only I was _______________________________________.

I wish I _______________________________________.

Everything would be better if I_______________________________________.

Limiting wishes make motivation incredibly difficult because they are barriers to productivity.

Bottom Line: If you think you need to change something, do something or have something before you can get motivated, then it will be almost impossible for you to be productive.

Want to change your limiting beliefs? Read our science based goal setting guide.

#6: Changing Self-Talk

Dr. Helmstetter breaks down being able to change your self-talk into five levels, which I found interesting:
Level 1: The Level of Negative Acceptance
"I can't _____ ."

The fill-in-the-blank statements you put in for your self-truths and limiting wishes are the current negative ideas you have accepted about yourself.
Level 2: The Level of Recognition and Need to Change
"I need to ..." , "I should ..."

*Hopefully* this is where you are now. The first half of this post was getting you to think about changing some of your negative self-truths and limiting wishes.
Level 3: The Level of Decision to Change
"I no longer ..."

When you're here, you have decided to change some of the limiting beliefs you have (see Step #5).
Level 4: The Level of the Better You
"I am ..."

Once you have retired a limiting belief or changed it, you then have a new self-vision and concept.
Level 5: The Level of Universal Affirmation
"It is ..."

Finally, you see the world differently. You have changed your own belief and the world around you.

What level are you at? If you have issues with procrastination, motivation or productivity you are probably stuck at level 2 or 3. You know you want to change and know what you have to do, but actually committing to the change is the hardest part. Here's how to commit to change:

#7: Change Your Internal Voice

What does your internal voice sound like? For just a moment, think about the voice in your head. You know, the one that comments on your actions or makes little observations about the world around you. Does that voice sound like the voice you use in real life? Over the last few years, I have talked to people about their own 'self-talk' and, more often than not, I hear them mention 'how mean' the voice in their head is. "But that's you!?" I would say. "That voice is you!" But they would explain that sometimes the way they talk to themselves is much harsher than the way they would speak to anyone else.

Would you speak to someone else the same way you speak to yourself? Take a look at this spectrum. When you talk to yourself, where do you fall:

I am extremely critical of myself. When I don't get something right, I internally berate myself and my abilities. If I mess up playing soccer or have a bad workout day, I internally chastise my laziness and lack of willpower. I had no idea I was doing this until I began to write down my internal thoughts.

Action Step: For the next seven days, carry around a journal and write down every internal thought that goes through your mind about your tasks. In other words, you do not have to write down all of your thoughts about work or driving. But you want to write down what you think about how you do those tasks or activities. I recommend remembering your thoughts while on the drive to work, or how you feel while reading your emails in the morning at work.

Are you in a funk? Use these 5 steps to snap out of your funk.

#8: Re-Examine

Examine the kinds of thoughts you have on a daily basis. See any patterns? I want you to take out a sheet of paper and draw three columns. In the first one, write down all of your limiting belief patterns. These are your motivation killers. What thoughts are counter-productive to you being your best self or working at optimal levels? It might look like this:

It seems silly, but sometimes we have been thinking something for so long that we have forgotten what made us believe it in the first place. And we certainly no longer challenge it. I want you to go through your self-truth list and write down its opposite in a column called 'Opposite.' It should look like this:

This is the hard part. I want you to write down all of the reasons why the opposite is true. Sometimes this means finding learning experiences from hard memories-that's okay.

#9: Your Choice to Self-Motivate

Now you have a choice. You can live automatically by default. Or you can live purposefully, with challenges and hard truths. I do not believe ignorance is bliss. I think truly living is embracing truth-about yourself, about the people around you, about how we work. But only you can decide to do this. If you want to try purposeful self-talk, all you have to do is complete the three steps above when you begin to be self-critical. I can't do this all the time, but it is what I try most of the time. This is how I have overcome a lot of my social anxiety. When I find myself in a bar for a friend's bachelorette party, I go through these three steps:

I don't belong.

I belong.

My best friends are here. I love celebrating people, especially the bachelorette. I love the song they are playing.

And so it goes. It's not easy. It doesn't happen all the time. But it's exactly what it sounds like in my head.

What does it sound like in yours? You have a choice to begin to slowly changing your self-talk and removing those motivation buzzkills.

#10: Motivate Yourself By Pumping Up

We all need rituals, routines and habits to get ourselves psyched up for something big. This could be what you do before a meeting, date or event. Here are a few ideas for you:

Bonus: Be More Productive

Productivity and motivation go hand in hand. While you are tackling your limiting self-talk, it's also time to use my favorite productivity hacks.
14 Unique Productivity Tips: How to Be More Productive with Less Effort
Double Bonus: Get More Willpower

Need a little more oomph to your motivation? You might need to supercharge your willpower muscles. Yes! Willpower is like a muscle that you have to exercise and strengthen. Check out my strategies:
10 Scientific Strategies Proven To Increase Your Willpower

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How to Get Motivated: 10 Tips to Improve Your Self-Motivation

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Looking to get motivated? Let's dive into 9 actionable science-backed tips to get yourself and others motivated and moving on up.

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How to get started and staying motivated 

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How to get started and staying motivated 

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Motivation: How to get started and staying motivated

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To make changes to your life, you need motivation. Learn why motivation’s important, how to get and stay motivated, and where to get help to achieve your goals.

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What is Mindfulness?Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelm

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Mindfulness. It's a pretty straightforward word. It suggests that the mind is fully attending to what's happening, to what you're doing, to the space you're moving through. That might seem trivial, except for the annoying fact that we so often veer from the matter at hand. Our mind takes flight, we lose touch with our body, and pretty soon we're engrossed in obsessive thoughts about something that just happened or fretting about the future. And that makes us anxious.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we're doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what's going on around us.

Yet no matter how far we drift away, mindfulness is right there to snap us back to where we are and what we're doing and feeling. If you want to know what mindfulness is, it's best to try it for a while. Since it's hard to nail down in words, you will find slight variations in the meaning in books, websites, audio, and video.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we're doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what's going on around us.

Mindfulness is a quality that every human being already possesses, it's not something you have to conjure up, you just have to learn how to access it.

The Types of Mindfulness Practice

While mindfulness is innate, it can be cultivated through proven techniques. Here are some examples:

1. Seated, walking, standing, and moving meditation (it's also possible lying down but often leads to sleep);

2. Short pauses we insert into everyday life;

3. Merging meditation practice with other activities, such as yoga or sports.

The Benefits of Mindfulness Practice:

When we meditate it doesn't help to fixate on the benefits, but rather to just do the practice, and yet there are benefits or no one would do it.

When we're mindful, we reduce stress, enhance performance, gain insight and awareness through observing our own mind, and increase our attention to others' well-being.

Mindfulness meditation gives us a time in our lives when we can suspend judgment and unleash our natural curiosity about the workings of the mind, approaching our experience with warmth and kindness -to ourselves and others.

8 Facts About Mindfulness:

1. Mindfulness is not obscure or exotic. It's familiar to us because it's what we already do, how we already are. It takes many shapes and goes by many names.

2. Mindfulness is not a special added thing we do. We already have the capacity to be present, and it doesn't require us to change who we are. But we can cultivate these innate qualities with simple practices that are scientifically demonstrated to benefit ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and neighbors, the people we work with, and the institutions and organizations we take part in

3. You don't need to change. Solutions that ask us to change who we are or become something we're not have failed us over and over again. Mindfulness recognizes and cultivates the best of who we are as human beings.

4. Mindfulness has the potential to become a transformative social phenomenon. Here's why:

5. Anyone can do it. Mindfulness practice cultivates universal human qualities and does not require anyone to change their beliefs. Everyone can benefit and it's easy to learn.

6. It's a way of living. Mindfulness is more than just a practice. It brings awareness and caring into everything we do-and it cuts down needless stress. Even a little makes our lives better.

7. It's evidence-based. We don't have to take mindfulness on faith. Both science and experience demonstrate its positive benefits for our health, happiness, work, and relationships.

8. It sparks innovation. As we deal with our world's increasing complexity and uncertainty, mindfulness can lead us to effective, resilient, low-cost responses to seemingly intransigent problems.

Mindfulness Is Not All in Your Head

When we think about mindfulness and meditating (with a capital M), we can get hung up on thinking about our thoughts: we're going to do something about what's happening in our heads. It's as if these bodies we have are just inconvenient sacks for our brains to lug around.

Having it all remain in your head, though, lacks a feeling of good old gravity.

Meditation begins and ends in the body. It involves taking the time to pay attention to where we are and what's going on, and that starts with being aware of our body

That approach can make it seem like floating-as though we don't have to walk. We can just waft.

But meditation begins and ends in the body. It involves taking the time to pay attention to where we are and what's going on, and that starts with being aware of our body. That very act can be calming, since our body has internal rhythms that help it relax if we give it a chance.

How to Sit for Meditation Practice

Here's a posture practice that can be used as the beginning stage of a period of meditation practice or simply as something to do for a minute, maybe to stabilize yourself and find a moment of relaxation before going back into the fray. If you have injuries or other physical difficulties, you can modify this to suit your situation.

1. Take your seat. Whatever you're sitting on-a chair, a meditation cushion, a park bench-find a spot that gives you a stable, solid seat, not perching or hanging back.

2. Notice what your legs are doing. If on a cushion on the floor, cross your legs comfortably in front of you. (If you already do some kind of seated yoga posture, go ahead.) If on a chair, it's good if the bottoms of your feet are touching the floor.

3. Straighten-but don't stiffen- your upper body. The spine has natural curvature. Let it be there. Your head and shoulders can comfortably rest on top of your vertebrae.

4. Situate your upper arms parallel to your upper body. Then let your hands drop onto the tops of your legs. With your upper arms at your sides, your hands will land in the right spot. Too far forward will make you hunch. Too far back will make you stiff. You're tuning the strings of your body-not too tight and not too loose.

5. Drop your chin a little and let your gaze fall gently downward. You may let your eyelids lower. If you feel the need, you may lower them completely, but it's not necessary to close your eyes when meditating. You can simply let what appears before your eyes be there without focusing on it.

6. Be there for a few moments. Relax. Pay attention to your breath or the sensations in your body.

7. Begin again. When your posture is established, feel your breath-or some say "follow" it-as it goes out and as it goes in. (Some versions of the practice put more emphasis on the outbreath, and for the inbreath you simply leave a spacious pause.) Inevitably, your attention will leave the breath and wander to other places. When you get around to noticing this-in a few seconds, a minute, five minutes-return your attention to the breath. Don't bother judging yourself or obsessing over the content of the thoughts. Come back. You go away, you come back.

8. That's it. That's the practice. It's often been said that it's very simple, but it's not necessarily easy. The work is to just keep doing it. Results will accrue.

Try This Beginner's Mindfulness Meditation:

A 5-Minute Breathing Meditation To Cultivate Mindfulness. This practice is designed to reduce stress, anxiety, and negative emotions, cool yourself down when your temper flares, and sharpen your concentration skills.

Learn more About Mindfulness:

Explore the science of mindfulness, learn how to meditate, and how to practice mindful movement, plus dispel some of the myths of mindfulness with Mindful's Getting Started Guide.

Becoming more aware of where you are and what you're doing, without becoming overly reactive or overwhelmed by what's going on around you. Read More

As more and more of us seek mindfulness guidance and instruction, where should we turn to find teachers and programs we can trust and recommend? Read More

Your day-to-day activities offer ample opportunities to call up mindfulness in any moment. These simple practices will breathe space into your daily routines. Read More

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What is mindfulness? Are you supposed to clear your mind, or focus on one thing? Here's the Mindful definition of Mindfulness.

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Being a teen is stressful! Whether it's school, friends, or dating, the teen years are full of difficult changes-both mentally and physically. If you're like many teens, you may have difficulty dealing with stress in effective ways. You aren't alone, and there are things you can do to stay calm, no matter how stressful life becomes. All you need to do is stop, breathe, and be mindful and aware in the present moment.

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Being a teen is stressful! Whether it's school, friends, or dating, the teen years are full of difficult changes-both mentally and physically. If you're like many teens, you may have difficulty dealing with stress in effective ways. You aren't alone, and there are things you can do to stay calm, no matter how stressful life becomes.

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When we're in the middle of an anxiety attack or flashback, our frontal lobe goes out the window. It feels impossible to focus or think clearly about anything and sometimes our thoughts come so quickly and jumbled we can't keep track of them. Things may seem like they are happening around us in a blur, or someone has been talking for several minutes and we have no clue what they just said. Sometimes we feel paralyzed or frozen, unable to move or say or do anything. This can happen with other intense or extreme emotions, too, like when we feel hurt or abandoned, hopeless, frightened, or lost.

Grounding is an excellent tool for these kinds of situations, and is one that can be used just about anywhere. By bringing our mind and our body back to the present moment, we can sometimes allow ourselves the space for our brain to slow down and feel a bit more centered, at least enough so we can let someone know what's going on or that we need help, or figure out what to do next. There are many different ways of grounding, which is part of why it's such a great skill -- even if you don't find one of the options below helpful there are many others you can try. You can also create your own ways of grounding, by finding anything to focus your senses on and anchor you in the present moment.

Here are some of my favorite grounding techniques, sorted by some different categories/types:

Take a shower or bath. Focus on each step of preparing the bath or shower, noticing every small detail--what does your hand feel like as it touches the doorknob, the faucet? Where do you turn the faucet to, how do you get the right temperature? Notice the sensation of the water on your body, paying attention to the warmth, the sounds, how your muscles feel.

Find a grounding object to keep with you. It can be something soft like a smooth stone or polished marble, or a piece of fabric or yarn whose texture you find comforting; it can even be a small figuring or something that brings positive memories. Keep the object with you somewhere where it can be easily located and pull it out when you need to practice grounding. Pay attention to and describe in your mind each detail of the object, touching it with your hand and noticing any sensations that come with it.

Make a cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. Complete each step with precision, noticing every movement your body makes; your fingers grasping the handle of the kettle, the coldness of the faucet as you turn on the water, how the kettle gets heavier as you fill it. When you are done, mindfully sip the beverage while seated somewhere calming or relaxing.

NOTICE WITH YOUR 5 SENSES:

Find a familiar scent (perfume, soap, lotion, tea, essential oil, etc.) and make a routine of smelling it in the morning, before bed, or another routine part of your day. Have the scent with you and smell it when you are in need of grounding, combining this with some slow, deep belly breaths.

Put on your favorite item of clothing--maybe a pair of socks, a favorite sweater, a soft t-shirt. Notice the texture, the color, the way it smells. You can also find a favorite blanket or pillow and do the same.

Wrap yourself tightly in a blanket. Squeeze yourself in a big bear hug or ask someone else to do this for you. Rub your arms and legs, moving up from your feet to your thighs, and down from your shoulders to your wrists.

USE YOUR BODY:

Notice your feet on the floor. You can even stand up and plant your feet firmly, taking off your shoes and pressing each toe into the ground or floor, feeling the sensation of being connected to the floor, the foundation of the building, the dirt underneath it, and the earth's gravity. You can also do this while sitting in a chair or laying down.

[My personal favorite] Literally ground yourself. Lay on the floor. Do a quick body scan and notice each part of your body where the floor touches you, and focus on that sensation, the pressure, the texture, the temperature. Notice any vibrations in the house or building. You can also listen to music with the speaker on the floor, and feel the vibrations of the sounds.

MOVE! Wiggle your toes, paying attention to the sensation as you move each one. See which toes you can move independently of the others. Do the same with your fingers, feeling the stretch in your muscles, the tension and relaxation as you move.

Rhythm. Tap your feet on the floor, find an object to make a soft sound, tap your fingers on the table or lightly tap a glass or other surface until you find a pleasant sound, then create a rhythm and repeat it, staying focused on the beginning and end of each sound you create.

Do an activity that requires engaging your hands or whole body. Go out into your garden and pull weeds. Work on a knitting project. Play with kinetic sand, silly putty, or another fidget. Wash the dishes, paying attention to the sensations. Fold your laundry.

OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS:

Go outside (or find a window you can look out) and pick an object. Notice as many details about the object as you can. For example, if you choose a tree, notice where the light falls on its branches and where the shadows lie. Notice how many limbs it has, and whether there are any buds or leaves on the tree. Notice the texture of its bark, whether the limbs are straight or curved, the shape and design of its leaves.

Walk slowly through the space you are in, and practice noticing each step as your feet touch the ground. Notice which part of your foot touches the ground first, and where you notice the pressure. Notice your feet leaving the ground, and the moment where you are balancing on one foot as you take the next step.

Find something in your environment that has a repeating pattern and try to replicate it by drawing it on paper. For example, you might try to draw the pattern of the ceiling tiles, or carpet, or wood grain of a table.

Describe the room you are in to yourself, either out loud or in your mind. If the room is very cluttered or large, you can choose a small area of the room, or a specific object like a bookshelf--notice the angle of the objects, the colors, the light and shadows, the textures and shapes.

If you're in a public place, look at the people around you and try to notice details about their appearance. What color shoes are people wearing? How many of them have on jackets? Is anyone carrying an umbrella or briefcase? What are people's hairstyles like?

DISTRACT YOUR BRAIN:

Count by 7s, as high as you can (or any other interval).

Play the 'guess their occupation' game. Look at people around you and try to guess their jobs or occupations, or where they are going.

Look up today's date. Repeat to yourself the day of the week, month, year, time of day, and where you are currently. Remind yourself that you are in this moment, not in the past, and right now you are safe. Notice the season it is outside, what the sky looks like. Name the street you are on and the zip code.

Play the categories game with yourself--choose a category like colors, animals, foods, and try to name at least 10 things in that category. You can also use the alphabet and try to name something in that category for each letter of the alphabet, beginning with A,B,C, and so on.

Choose a shape (triangle, oval, square) and try to find all of the objects around you of that shape. You can also do this with colors--e.g. find all of the green things in the room.

BREATHE

Do belly breathing--place one hand on your stomach, and the other on your chest. Breathe slowly and deeply into your belly, trying to raise your hand like you are filling up a balloon or beach ball with air. Try to keep the hand on your chest still, breathing only into your stomach. Slowly breathe out, feeling the hand on your stomach lower like the balloon or ball is deflating.

4-7-8 breathing: Breathe in slowly, counting to 4 seconds while you inhale. Then, hold your breath for 7 seconds. Finally, breathe out slowly and softly, counting 8 seconds while you exhale. Repeat as many times as feels comfortable. (Note: Everyone has different body sizes and lung capacities, so if this particular combo feels uncomfortable you can adjust the numbers to whatever feels good to you. The point is just having a pattern to follow and slowing your breath.)

Note that grounding is not about making the emotion go away or detaching from your experience; it is about tolerating the experience and emotions while staying present in your body. It is important to discuss these experiences with a therapist or qualified mental health professional, especially if you are noticing frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, or dissociation.

When we're in the middle of an anxiety attack or flashback, our frontal lobe goes out the window. It feels impossible to focus or think clearly about anything and sometimes our thoughts come so quickly and jumbled we can't keep track of them. Things may seem like they are happening around us in a blur, or someone has been talking for several minutes and we have no clue what they just said. Sometimes we feel paralyzed or frozen, unable to move or say or do anything. This can happen with other intense or extreme emotions, too, like when we feel hurt or abandoned, hopeless, frightened, or lost.

Grounding is an excellent tool for these kinds of situations, and is one that can be used just about anywhere. By bringing our mind and our body back to the present moment, we can sometimes allow ourselves the space for our brain to slow down and feel a bit more centered, at least enough so we can let someone know what's going on or that we need help, or figure out what to do next. There are many different ways of grounding, which is part of why it's such a great skill -- even if you don't find one of the options below helpful there are many others you can try. You can also create your own ways of grounding, by finding anything to focus your senses on and anchor you in the present moment.

Here are some of my favorite grounding techniques, sorted by some different categories/types:

Take a shower or bath. Focus on each step of preparing the bath or shower, noticing every small detail--what does your hand feel like as it touches the doorknob, the faucet? Where do you turn the faucet to, how do you get the right temperature? Notice the sensation of the water on your body, paying attention to the warmth, the sounds, how your muscles feel.

Find a grounding object to keep with you. It can be something soft like a smooth stone or polished marble, or a piece of fabric or yarn whose texture you find comforting; it can even be a small figuring or something that brings positive memories. Keep the object with you somewhere where it can be easily located and pull it out when you need to practice grounding. Pay attention to and describe in your mind each detail of the object, touching it with your hand and noticing any sensations that come with it.

Make a cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. Complete each step with precision, noticing every movement your body makes; your fingers grasping the handle of the kettle, the coldness of the faucet as you turn on the water, how the kettle gets heavier as you fill it. When you are done, mindfully sip the beverage while seated somewhere calming or relaxing.

NOTICE WITH YOUR 5 SENSES:

Find a familiar scent (perfume, soap, lotion, tea, essential oil, etc.) and make a routine of smelling it in the morning, before bed, or another routine part of your day. Have the scent with you and smell it when you are in need of grounding, combining this with some slow, deep belly breaths.

Put on your favorite item of clothing--maybe a pair of socks, a favorite sweater, a soft t-shirt. Notice the texture, the color, the way it smells. You can also find a favorite blanket or pillow and do the same.

Wrap yourself tightly in a blanket. Squeeze yourself in a big bear hug or ask someone else to do this for you. Rub your arms and legs, moving up from your feet to your thighs, and down from your shoulders to your wrists.

USE YOUR BODY:

Notice your feet on the floor. You can even stand up and plant your feet firmly, taking off your shoes and pressing each toe into the ground or floor, feeling the sensation of being connected to the floor, the foundation of the building, the dirt underneath it, and the earth's gravity. You can also do this while sitting in a chair or laying down.

[My personal favorite] Literally ground yourself. Lay on the floor. Do a quick body scan and notice each part of your body where the floor touches you, and focus on that sensation, the pressure, the texture, the temperature. Notice any vibrations in the house or building. You can also listen to music with the speaker on the floor, and feel the vibrations of the sounds.

MOVE! Wiggle your toes, paying attention to the sensation as you move each one. See which toes you can move independently of the others. Do the same with your fingers, feeling the stretch in your muscles, the tension and relaxation as you move.

Rhythm. Tap your feet on the floor, find an object to make a soft sound, tap your fingers on the table or lightly tap a glass or other surface until you find a pleasant sound, then create a rhythm and repeat it, staying focused on the beginning and end of each sound you create.

Do an activity that requires engaging your hands or whole body. Go out into your garden and pull weeds. Work on a knitting project. Play with kinetic sand, silly putty, or another fidget. Wash the dishes, paying attention to the sensations. Fold your laundry.

OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS:

Go outside (or find a window you can look out) and pick an object. Notice as many details about the object as you can. For example, if you choose a tree, notice where the light falls on its branches and where the shadows lie. Notice how many limbs it has, and whether there are any buds or leaves on the tree. Notice the texture of its bark, whether the limbs are straight or curved, the shape and design of its leaves.

Walk slowly through the space you are in, and practice noticing each step as your feet touch the ground. Notice which part of your foot touches the ground first, and where you notice the pressure. Notice your feet leaving the ground, and the moment where you are balancing on one foot as you take the next step.

Find something in your environment that has a repeating pattern and try to replicate it by drawing it on paper. For example, you might try to draw the pattern of the ceiling tiles, or carpet, or wood grain of a table.

Describe the room you are in to yourself, either out loud or in your mind. If the room is very cluttered or large, you can choose a small area of the room, or a specific object like a bookshelf--notice the angle of the objects, the colors, the light and shadows, the textures and shapes.

If you're in a public place, look at the people around you and try to notice details about their appearance. What color shoes are people wearing? How many of them have on jackets? Is anyone carrying an umbrella or briefcase? What are people's hairstyles like?

DISTRACT YOUR BRAIN:

Count by 7s, as high as you can (or any other interval).

Play the 'guess their occupation' game. Look at people around you and try to guess their jobs or occupations, or where they are going.

Look up today's date. Repeat to yourself the day of the week, month, year, time of day, and where you are currently. Remind yourself that you are in this moment, not in the past, and right now you are safe. Notice the season it is outside, what the sky looks like. Name the street you are on and the zip code.

Play the categories game with yourself--choose a category like colors, animals, foods, and try to name at least 10 things in that category. You can also use the alphabet and try to name something in that category for each letter of the alphabet, beginning with A,B,C, and so on.

Choose a shape (triangle, oval, square) and try to find all of the objects around you of that shape. You can also do this with colors--e.g. find all of the green things in the room.

BREATHE

Do belly breathing--place one hand on your stomach, and the other on your chest. Breathe slowly and deeply into your belly, trying to raise your hand like you are filling up a balloon or beach ball with air. Try to keep the hand on your chest still, breathing only into your stomach. Slowly breathe out, feeling the hand on your stomach lower like the balloon or ball is deflating.

4-7-8 breathing: Breathe in slowly, counting to 4 seconds while you inhale. Then, hold your breath for 7 seconds. Finally, breathe out slowly and softly, counting 8 seconds while you exhale. Repeat as many times as feels comfortable. (Note: Everyone has different body sizes and lung capacities, so if this particular combo feels uncomfortable you can adjust the numbers to whatever feels good to you. The point is just having a pattern to follow and slowing your breath.)

Note that grounding is not about making the emotion go away or detaching from your experience; it is about tolerating the experience and emotions while staying present in your body. It is important to discuss these experiences with a therapist or qualified mental health professional, especially if you are noticing frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, or dissociation.

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Six Different Types of Grounding Exercises for Anxiety and Intense Emotions - The Growlery

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When we're in the middle of an anxiety attack or flashback, our frontal lobe goes out the window. It feels impossible to focus or think clearly about anything and sometimes our thoughts come so quickly and jumbled we can't keep track of them.

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Welcome to the UB School of Social Work's Self-Care Starter Kit. The resources on these pages are appropriate for both students in training and for professionals already working in the field. There are additional resources that we trust will be helpful no matter where you are on your self-care journey.

The Self-Care Starter Kit℠ was initially developed for UB School of Social Work students, but it is our hope that these resources will be useful for students and professionals alike. Although the information does not address all that goes into developing the skills of self-care, it does begin the journey.
We recommend you start with Introduction to Self-Care, followed by Developing Your Self-Care Plan.
Using the Materials

You are welcome to use the Self-Care Starter Kit℠ exercises/worksheets without revising them for personal and/or educational (non-commercial) purposes only. We ask that you read over the Creative Commons licensing agreement, let us know that you will be using the materials, include the original citation information that is on them, as well the web address for our site, as an acknowledgement of where it was downloaded from and so people are able to explore our site if they're interested.

Butler, L. D., & McClain-Meeder, K. (2015). Self-Care Starter Kit. Located at http://www.socialwork.buffalo.edu/students/self-care/index.asp

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Acknowledgements

We hope the resources in these pages will be useful as you strive to maintain and enhance your well-being in all the important domains of your life.

We would like to express our heartfelt thanks to all those who have helped us in this effort: the colleagues who generously contributed materials and provided advice on resources, copyright issues, and IT questions; the experts in the field who gave permission to include their materials; the SSW students who provided self-care utilization data and feedback on our materials and original workshop; and our colleagues on the UBSSW Reaccreditation Committee and in the school who provided both informational and tangible support for the development of this program and have incorporated self-care materials and activities in their courses. We are especially grateful to Elaine S. Rinfrette, LCSW-R, PhD for her extensive and essential contributions to every aspect of the development of this program; Shirley Reiser, LCSW and Elaine K. Hammond, LMSW for their far-sighted and widespread efforts to highlight self-care in our school by developing trainings and materials, and through their invaluable contributions to the development of these pages; Dana M. Horne, MEd for designing the self-care (Venn) logo and providing consultation and support; Robert Garlan, PhD for his thoughtful suggestions and text revisions for these webpages; Melissa Dudley, MSW for her excellent research assistance; and David Coppola for his superb work designing and programming the original self-care site webpages.

Lisa D. Butler, PhD
Self-Care Program Team Leader and Associate Professor

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Professional self-care is an essential social work survival skill. Our Self-Care Starter Kit will help students and beginning social work professionals understand the basics of maintaining and enhancing health and well-being.

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Positive News Stories

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The Good News Network: Positive Stories 24/7

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Your daily source for only good news: Inspiring stories and images from around the world will make you feel uplifted, optimistic and positive about life.

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Canadians practice self care when they exercise or eat a balanced diet, get plenty of rest, practice good hygiene and avoid risks like smoking.

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12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself 

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12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself 

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Self-Care: 12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself

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Exhausted, uninspired, or unwell? Read these self-care tips to take care of you.

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Craig Hassed - Mindfulness Meditation from the 'Mindfulness for Wellbeing and Peak Performance' online course by Monash University. https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance 

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Mindfulness Meditation from the 'Mindfulness for Wellbeing and Peak Performance' online course by Monash University. https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance 

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Mindfulness meditation - The Body Scan (5 minutes)

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Dr Richard Chambers - Mindfulness meditations

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Mindfulness meditation - The Body Scan (5 minutes)

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10-Minute Meditation For Anxiety | Goodful

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Daily Calm | 10 Minute Mindfulness Meditation | Be Present

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When we write, we force ourselves to do three really important things:

1. We get our thoughts outside of ourselves, allowing us to see them as independent things. This process separates who we are from what we think, providing us with a bit of space and perspective to process what's really going on inside our head and heart.

2. We clarify as we force ourselves to form sentences and logical thoughts. Our writing brings flow and a sense of wholeness to the otherwise confusing mess in our minds. When everything is inside, it's easy to get lost amidst the clutter. It's easy to feel scattered or all over the place. However, when things are laid out cleanly on a page, we can easily see what fits and where.

3. We think differently. While some questions may seem silly or useless, the process of writing and responding will often take us somewhere unexpected, somewhere new we didn't know we needed to be. It is precisely by considering different points of view that we are able to leave the confines of our normal life. We can experience new epiphanies and we can bravely see who we truly are. It's hard to see the picture when we're living in the frame and sometimes, a subtle nudge or a bit of prompting is all that's needed to create lasting change.

Are you ready to get the words down and let your thoughts out? Pick a random number from 1-50 and spend five minutes every morning with a pen, paper, and these questions: the 50 best journaling prompts you will ever read or need.

1. If you had a magic wand, and could wave away your problems, what would your life look like? What's stopping you from being the wand?

2. What are you best at, and what do you love doing most, and how could you spend more time doing both?

3. If you were unapologetically and truly yourself, day in and day out, and if you fully accepted and loved yourself, what would change for you moving forward?

4. What makes your heart sing loudest? What makes your heart beat strongest?

5. What do you believe that no longer serves you? What do you believe that might be holding you back?

6. What does love mean to you?

7. How do you define success, and how will you know when you have it?

8. Where do you see yourself in 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months? Be specific.

9. What are the ten smallest, most minor, most insignificant things in your life that you are grateful for?

10. What have been the five best days of your life, and why?

11. How would your life be different if you stopped living so much in the past and/or worrying so much about the future?

12. What scares you the most, and why? How can you use that fear to improve or learn or grow?

13. What would you tell your five-year-old self?

14. What are three things that you are really looking forward to the most?

15. Who do you need to forgive, and why, and what's stopping you from doing it today?

16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and what's stopping you from taking action?

17. How would your life change if you were your own biggest fan and truly believed in yourself?

18. What is the best advice you have ever been given?

19. How do you deal with helplessness, with letting go, with release and surrender of expectations?

20. What do you love most about yourself?

21. Who do you admire most in this world, and why?

22. What are five things you absolutely, positively, totally want to do before you die, and how can you do one of them THIS YEAR?

23. Who do you care about most in the world, and what could you do today to make sure they know it?

24. What would you truly lose, deep down, if you lost what you are most scared of losing?

25. What are five things that you love most in the world?

26. What about your life makes you the most proud?

27. When did you hurt most, and how has it helped you or taught you or improved you?

28. What does it mean to be good enough, and how do you know that you are?

29. What did you really love doing as a kid but don't really do anymore? What is stopping you from doing it now, and what would happen if you did?

30. If you could, what is the one thing you would change about your past?

31. What makes you feel happy to be alive, and how can you make more of that every day?

32. What truth have you been refusing to admit to yourself and how could you face it?

33. What three things could you give up that would give you more time, energy, and peace?

34. What does your ideal day look like? Be specific.

35. What does heroic mean to you, and who are your biggest heroes?

36. What advice would you give yourself five years ago?

37. What do you love most about your life?

38. If you found out that you were going to die tomorrow, what would be your three biggest regrets?

39. What are you the most scared of losing, and what would you truly lose if you lost it?

40. What one event in your life has changed you the most?

41. If you could be president for one day, what would you do, and why?

42. Assuming your life is a story and you are the author, what does your happy ending look like?

43. When are you at your best, and how do you get back there when you feel unbalanced or unwell?

44. How can you improve the way you treat yourself and talk to yourself?

45. When was the last time you cried, and what did it teach you?

46. What is your personal mantra for this year? What one word best describes your best life moving forward?

47. If you could invite five people, living or dead, to dinner at your house one night, who would you choose, and what would you cook them?

48. What are the five most important things in your life right now and how are you prioritizing them (or not)?

49. What makes you the most angry, the most frustrated, the most annoyed, and why?

50. What is something you have never done, but always wanted to do, and what is so important about this for you?

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Here Are The 50 Best Journaling Prompts You Will Ever Read Or Need

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What advice would you give yourself five years ago?

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64 Journaling Prompts for Self-Discovery 

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64 Journaling Prompts for Self-Discovery 

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Your journal creates an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and explore difficult emotions.

Many people keep a journal in their teenage years, either by choice or due to a school assignment. Perhaps it's been years since you've considered putting pen to paper and expressing your thoughts and dreams. But journaling can have benefits for anyone at any stage of life.

For centuries, people around the world have turned to journals as trusted friends.

Reflecting on daily experiences, relationships, and personal values can help you get in better touch with your thoughts and feelings. It can lead to greater peace of mind.

"I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn," wrote Anne Frank, who kept a now-famous account of her daily life and dreams for the future while in hiding during the Holocaust.

A journal also offers a safe space to express difficult emotions, making it easier to work through distressing thoughts that you might struggle to share out loud.

Are you interested in giving journaling a try? Do you feel a bit stuck when it comes to getting started? Try the 64 prompts below to kick-start your creativity and write your way toward well-being.

We've organized these prompts into categories that focus on relationships, emotions, how you feel about work, and more.

Love and relationships

Having strong, supportive relationships can help improve overall well-being, protect against mental health concerns like depression, and boost resilience, which refers to your ability to weather life's many challenges.

Writing about relationships with loved ones provides the opportunity to:

explore the ways these bonds strengthen you

express your gratitude for loved ones

recognize when relationships no longer serve you

explore what you want out of future relationships

Consider giving these prompts a try:

1. Who do you trust most? Why?

2. What are your strengths in relationships (kindness, empathy, etc.)?

3. How do you draw strength from loved ones?

4. What do you value most in relationships (trust, respect, sense of humor, etc.)?

5. What three important things have you learned from previous relationships?

6. What five traits do you value most in potential partners?

7. How do you show compassion to others? How can you extend that same compassion to yourself?

8. What are three things working well in your current relationship? What are three things that could be better?

9. What boundaries could you set in your relationships to safeguard your own well-being?

10. What do you most want your children (or future children) to learn from you?

11. How can you better support and appreciate your loved ones?

12. What does love mean to you? How do you recognize it in a relationship?

13. List three things you'd like to tell a friend, family member, or partner.

Work and career

If you work full-time, you spend the majority of your waking hours on the job. That makes your career a pretty significant part of your life.

Having a fulfilling job can promote a sense of purpose and satisfaction with life. On the other hand, having a job that demands too much of you or fails to utilize your unique talents can wear you down and lead to burnout.

Taking some time to explore your current career can help highlight what you enjoy about your job and when it might be time to pursue a change.

Here are some prompts to consider:

1. How do you use your personal strengths and abilities at work?

2. How do your co-workers and supervisors recognize your strengths?

3. How does work fulfill you? Does it leave you wanting more?

4. What part of your workday do you most enjoy?

5. What about your work feels real, necessary, or important to you?

6. Do you see yourself in the same job in 10 years?

7. What are your career ambitions?

8. What three things can help you begin working to accomplish those goals?

9. What can you do to improve your work performance?

10. What does your work teach you? Does it offer continued opportunities for learning and growth?

11. Does your work drain or overwhelm you? Why? Is this something you can change?

Self-reflection

Exploring your values, opinions, and personality traits in writing can teach you more about who you are as a person.

This in-depth reflection can strengthen not just the relationship you have with yourself, but also the connections you build with others.

Some ideas to explore include:

1. What values do you consider most important in life (honesty, justice, altruism, loyalty, etc.)? How do your actions align with those values?

2. What three changes can you make to live according to your personal values?

3. Describe yourself using the first 10 words that come to mind. Then, list 10 words that you'd like to use to describe yourself. List a few ways to transform those descriptions into reality.

4. What do you appreciate most about your personality? What aspects do you find harder to accept?

5. Explore an opinion or two that you held in the past but have since questioned or changed. What led you to change that opinion?

6. List three personal beliefs that you're willing to reconsider or further explore.

7. Finish this sentence: "My life would be incomplete without ..."

8. Describe one or two significant life events that helped shape you into who you are today.

9. When do you trust yourself most? When do you find it harder to have faith in your instincts?

10. What three things would you most like others (loved ones, potential friends and partners, professional acquaintances, etc.) to know about you?

Uncomfortable emotions

Journaling can help you express and begin to navigate difficult and painful emotions. That's part of what makes it such a valuable exercise.

Burying unwanted emotions and thoughts can seem helpful at first. Pushing those feelings away means you avoid the pain and discomfort they cause, right?

Not always. In reality, avoiding emotional distress can intensify it. That pain lies dormant below the surface of your everyday thoughts until you can't keep it back any longer. When it finally comes bubbling up, it may feel more overwhelming than it did originally.

These prompts can help you explore and process challenging emotions productively:

1. What difficult thoughts or emotions come up most frequently for you?

2. Which emotions do you find hardest to accept (guilt, anger, disappointment, etc.)? How do you handle these emotions?

3. Describe a choice you regret. What did you learn from it?

4. What parts of daily life cause stress, frustration, or sadness? What can you do to change those experiences?

5. What are three things that can instantly disrupt a good mood and bring you down? What strategies do you use to counter these effects?

6. What are three self-defeating thoughts that show up in your self-talk? How can you reframe them to encourage yourself instead?

7. What go-to coping strategies help you get through moments of emotional or physical pain?

8. Who do you trust with your most painful and upsetting feelings? How can you connect with them when feeling low?

9. What do you fear most? Have your fears changed throughout life?

Note: If writing about painful emotions makes you feel even worse, there's no need to push yourself. It may help to establish a regular journaling habit before you turn to more challenging topics.

Living your best life

Writing about the little things that add meaning to daily life makes it easier to notice just how much they boost your mood and overall well-being.

Recognizing what you enjoy most about life reminds you to keep making time for those things. It can also promote feelings of gratitude and contentment, as exploring what you love about life can help you realize that you may already have much of what you desire.

Here are some prompts to try:

1. Describe your favorite thing to do when feeling low.

2. What three ordinary things bring you the most joy?

3. List three strategies that help you stay present in your daily routines. Then, list three strategies to help boost mindfulness in your life.

4. How do you prioritize self-care?

5. Describe two or three things you do to relax.

6. What aspects of your life are you most grateful for?

7. How do you show yourself kindness and compassion each day?

8. Write a short love letter to some object or place that makes you happy.

9. What place makes you feel most peaceful? Describe that place using all five senses.

10. List 10 things that inspire or motivate you.

11. What are your favorite hobbies? Why?

Personal growth and life goals

Getting in touch with who you are now doesn't just help you recognize key strengths and values. It can also help unlock a deeper understanding of who you want to become and what you want from life.

As long as you live, you can continue to pursue change and growth.

Try these prompts to explore your dreams and outline potential paths toward change:

1. What parts of life surprised you most? What turned out the way you expected it would?

2. What three things would you share with your teenage self? What three questions would you want to ask an older version of yourself?

3. List three important goals. How do they match up to your goals from 5 years ago?

4. Do your goals truly reflect your desires? Or do they reflect what someone else (a parent, partner, friend, etc.) wants for you?

5. What helps you stay focused and motivated when you feel discouraged?

6. What do you look forward to most in the future?

7. Identify one area where you'd like to improve. Then, list three specific actions you can take to create that change.

8. How do you make time for yourself each day?

9. What do you most want to accomplish in life?

10. List three obstacles lying in the way of your contentment or happiness. Then, list two potential solutions to begin overcoming each obstacle.

If you've never kept a journal before, writing on a regular basis might feel a bit challenging. Even with prompts to help prime your thoughts, you might find it tough to get started.

The best way to start is to pick up your pen and start scribbling away. Your journal is just for you, so there's no need to worry about your handwriting, grammar, or spelling. The important part of journaling is getting your thoughts onto the page.

Some people find that it helps to start with a "stream of consciousness" approach. This means writing down whatever comes to mind on a topic, exactly as it pops into your thoughts, without stopping to worry about punctuation or complete sentences.

A few more tips to help you find your flow include:

Find a quiet place to write. Outside noise and other distractions can disrupt your thoughts, especially if you're new to journaling. If you can't find a quiet space, try listening to instrumental music (anything without vocals) as you write.

Don't worry about getting it "right." When it comes to journaling, you can't really go wrong. If your writing helps you process emotions and learn more about yourself, that's what matters.

Write regularly. You might set aside 15 or 20 minutes to write several days a week. It's OK if you can't find time to write every day. Writing at a specific time each day, such as after dinner or just before bed, can help the habit stick.

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Ready, Set, Journal! 64 Journaling Prompts for Self-Discovery

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One great way to learn more about yourself is to write your thoughts in a journal. If you're not sure where to start, these prompts (and tips!) could help.

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The blob tree is a creative way to express how you are currently feeling and where you would like to be, or where you came from! Color in the blob(s) that you feel you can relate with and explain or journal why.

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A daily planner template that can be a great foundation to creating balance in your daily routine, or how to tackle homework assignments and their deadlines

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A handout that helps identify feelings and emotions

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Borrowed (temporarily and without permission) from Geoffrey Roberts.

Hi there! This page is provided as a free resource for anybody who might find it useful. I make exactly $0.00 off of it, though I do incur small hosting and domain renewal costs. If you feel so inclined to contribute to those costs, you can Venmo me by scanning the QR code below.

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Borrowed (temporarily and without permission) from Geoffrey Roberts. Hi there! This page is provided as a free resource for anybody who might find it useful. I make exactly $0.00 off of it, though I do incur small hosting and domain renewal costs.

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**These apps are not a replacement for professional and emergency supports. If you are dealing with a crisis or if this is an emergency, please contact your local emergency services and/or an adult you trust (parent, family member, counsellor).

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Meditations for sleep, stress reduction, and more

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Calm is the #1 app for sleep and meditation. Join the millions experiencing better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety.