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Hi, Emily. In your essay something that I found that you did very well upon was how you showed how karma may not be real hypothetically, but it can surely happen to show others a lesson. Another thing I found great in your essay was  how you used great word choice. For example you used words such as “conveyed,” and “aggravating.” These words really helped mature and form your essay.  Other than that, a suggestion I do have for you is that when explaining your evidence, try not to explain every detail that is happening, but instead explain what the evidence is trying to convey to the reader.

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Undoubtedly, the Pixar Short,  For the Birds conveys an unbelievably powerful theme, that karma is real.  In fact, this message is evident in For the Birds from 1 minute to 3 minutes, when it shows the little baby birds on the wire see the big bird and get annoyed by him so they keep making faces,and all the little birds are getting upset. The big bird goes on the wire between half of the birds and the wire goes down almost to the ground. The little baby birds get angry at the big bird so they start pecking on the big bird's hands to try to make him fall. The big bird falls and all of the wire and all of the little birds get thrown in the sky and fall back down to the land. The little birds ends up having no clothes on when they fell back down. This means, at this point in the Pixar short, the birds don’t like the big bird just because of his different size. The little birds think just because he looks different he should be differently approached. The little baby birds get flung into the sky because they try to hurt the big bird but it turns out the little baby birds just hurt themself and embarrassing  themselves. Indeed, this matters as it shows deeply the theme, the message that karma is real. The little baby birds should accept the big bird for who he is. In life, people or things will come that people don’t always like at first. Times won’t always be easy but accepting people or things for who they are can cause less karma. This can also make life so much easier!  In addition, this heartwarming lesson is further exemplified and showcased in for the birds at 37 seconds until 50 seconds, the Pixar Short reveals that getting annoying at someone or something little can cause karma. Essentially, the evidence relates that after getting annoyed at someone or something for doing something little can cause karma. A bird accidentally hit the other bird so the other bird gets aggravated and starts to hit the bird back but then it turns into all the birds hitting each other one by one because no bird could just take a breath and calm down. Certainly, this is extremely important in developing the theme as it shows that getting angry at someone for doing the tiniest thing can cause karma to come back to you. This shows, not everything in life is easy and despite difficulties, karma is real and is  coming to people if people do something people know people should not do. In the final analysis, the overarching and compelling theme for the birds is to realize bad things will come people’s way if people do something bad to other people or things.

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Hey Emily its lex cerchio! A star in your paragraph was your transition word choice like for example “undoubtedly” or “essentially”. We’re good choices. Another star was your sum it up becase i like how you worded it and it was different from your claim like you said “the overarching and compelling theme for the birds” i thought that was good. The last star is your claim. I thought you had a really good claim that is true and was really true in the Pixar short. “Karma is real” was a really good claim for this Pixar short! Overall really good job Emmie i loved it! -lex c

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Hey emmie its Eva L. You did fantastic on your analysis!! You used such good word choice and you really emphasized the characters emotions! You gave amazing figurative language and used words I would never think to use and you gave great detail. To add you also explained it clear so I wasn’t  confused on what I was reading. I also love the outstanding connections you made between the boy and the dog and how they both lost a leg. However one wish I have for you is to expand a little more on your theme and give it just a little more evidence.

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Hey emmie its Eva L. You did fantastic on your analysis!! You used such good word choice and you really emphasized the characters emotions! You gave amazing figurative language and used words I would never think to use and you gave great detail. To add you also explained it clear so I wasn’t  confused on what I was reading. I also love the outstanding connections you made between the boy and the dog and how they both lost a leg. However one wish I have for you is to expand a little more on your theme and give it just a little more evidence.

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My 2 stars and a wish for yours is i really liked your explanations because you explained everything good and it was all clear. Another star was that your claim was really good i feel like your claim went well with the pixel short. One wish is i feel like you could of came up with different words in your conclusion. Overall i really liked your paragraph! -lex cerchio

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All of your writing is pretty good, I think all of your examples could be plausible, and that they could happen at any time. All also believe your word choice is pretty good, such as “exasperated” or “presence.” Though I don’t have a problem with the evidence. While its most certainly possible, it can easily be avoided. I’m sure the principle or teacher will email the student or parent about the whereabouts of a pet in the classroom, and the student can probably get a doctors note or some kind of reason to change classes to one that doesn’t have a pet. So it is possible, but only if it is allowed to happen
Which is unlikely. But besides that, 👍👍👍

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Hi Emily! I really liked your CEES essay and I thought that you did your intro and your anecdotes. I thought that you put a lot of work in your piece and it is really good. Good job!-cerchio

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Hi Emily.  One star that I had for you was that I really liked  how descriptive you were in the beginning ,like when you said “kids looking tired and dreadful”. One other star that I had was that you paragraphs had lots of real evidence and were very persuasive. One wish that I have for you is to makes some of hour sentences longer with more details about things ,but over all I thought yours was very good.

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Hey Emily! A strength of your essay, “Sports are Satisfying Students”, I really enjoyed reading your intro. I was drawn in as soon as I read the first sentence, and was engaged. Another strength were your anecdotes. I liked how you explained how she felt, and how helpful sports are with the grades. Something you could work on is your punctuation, because I spotted only 2 mistakes with spacing and punctuation. Other then that, I really enjoyed reading your essay!

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i liked that you were realy descriptive about the leson and that you explained your feelings realy well one thing that you can work on is describing the seting and wether a bit more

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i liked that you were realy descriptive about the leson and that you explained your feelings realy well one thing that you can work on is describing the seting and wether a bit more

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I like how you added your thoughts when you first walked into the store and how amazd you were when you saw the shoes. I also liked how you added how you used reverse psychology to help you get back to the store. I wish you would’ve added more detail to slow moments down.

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Good job ‘Em! A strength In your memoir was the figurative language! You really emphasized Your crazy shoes and you flying! You also gave great expressions and I love how you exaggerated the part where you were flying and where your shoes took you. In addition I loved how you really showed your emotions when you talked and when you were flying as well as you telling the reader where the shoes took you. However I do think you should exclude more people in the story especially when you were flying you could tell the reader more about the people you saw and what they were doing.

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Good job ‘Em! A strength In your memoir was the figurative language! You really emphasized Your crazy shoes and you flying! You also gave great expressions and I love how you exaggerated the part where you were flying and where your shoes took you. In addition I loved how you really showed your emotions when you talked and when you were flying as well as you telling the reader where the shoes took you. However I do think you should exclude more people in the story especially when you were flying you could tell the reader more about the people you saw and what they were doing.

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really liked how you described the shoes and I could picture the shoes in my mind. You really described evrey thing good to like when you were walking in the mall and the name of where you bought the shoes. I also really like how you added a lot of detail. When you were running and jugging you were talking to people. However i think you could of added some more inner thought to the storie. You had some inner thought but i think you could of added a bit more then what you have wrote

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Great memoir. Loved the figurative language. Nice job!

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I enjoyed reading your memoir and i feel like it had great figurative language.

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I absolutely loved the lesson that you learned. It will teach others as well and it was a good lesson that you learned. And I also loved how much you explained your thoughts and feelings. Your memoir was amazing. I just think you could have added a tiny bit more about the weather and your surroundings. But to be completely honest I thought your memoir was amazing and it was very entertaining.

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I think that your memory is really good. You made a page and there are no errors,or typos. I think you added a lot of detail. You also highlighted the right things . I also really like you title. I just feel like it's perfect for the story.

I also really liked your inner thoughts and the way you wrote them i really liked it.

I honestly really don't think their was a lot more that you nneeded to add because i really liked it

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Something I loved about your Memoir “Jump” Is that you have some great figurative language. There were some great inner thoughts added! You had some great metaphors and puns added! A piece of cake is my favorite pun you added. I Have a very clear picture of you on the rock wall and I felt like I was there watching you! This is a great piece! I can tell how you feel at times. I feel the same way sometimes. You choose to be brave and that's a great thing to be! All though, It was a little bit fast. It was hard to take time to really understand your setting. You could have added what you were wearing at the moment. Otherwise, Your piece was amazing! I loved all the details you added. They made the piece complete!!

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A strength of your memoir is that you are super descriptive and detailed in your writing! I loved your peace and you really emphasized how nervous and scared you were to jump on that cliff! You also used great and amazing emotional writing because you didn’t just say you were scared, you really put it in perspective and showed us that you really are frightened about this small fear! Another thing that I thought you wrote really nicely was writing a lot about your dad and how he was helping you through this whole Journey and you really brought him into this peace. I also loved how you described the setting because I was really able to feel like I was there with you. However I did notice that you used a lot of words during or in the same sentence and didn’t come up with new words to add. But I thought you did a really good job with your memoir!

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A strength of your memoir is that you are super descriptive and detailed in your writing! I loved your peace and you really emphasized how nervous and scared you were to jump on that cliff! You also used great and amazing emotional writing because you didn’t just say you were scared, you really put it in perspective and showed us that you really are frightened about this small fear! Another thing that I thought you wrote really nicely was writing a lot about your dad and how he was helping you through this whole Journey and you really brought him into this peace. I also loved how you described the setting because I was really able to feel like I was there with you. However I did notice that you used a lot of words during or in the same sentence and didn’t come up with new words to add. But I thought you did a really good job with your memoir!

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Your ending was famnonable! A strength of your memoir,”Jump”is the way you described the moment.It felt like I was standing right next to you.One of my favorite lines was “The sun was an oven roasting on my skin”. It really was a good description for the reader to know how hot it was and be able to feel the heat in that moment of time.

I like your ending because the way you incorporated your word choices.When someone has good word choices the piece is amazing with descriptions and transitions and that’s how I felt about your memoir.However,a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to give more descriptions on the environment like what it felt like to stand on rocks or whatever you were standing on.I am still left wondering where you bearfoot, was it crowded with people.

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I absolutely loved the lesson that you learned. And I also loved how much you explained your thoughts and feelings. Your memoir was amazing. I just think you could have added a tiny bit more about the weather and your surroundings. But to be completely honest I thought your memoir was amazing!

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I think its really good. I loveed the figurative languege

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I really like  how in the beginning you described where you was to make the reader know what was going on. I also like all the inner thought you added and how you were scared but still had fun in the end. I really liked the ending and how you learned a lesson in the end and how you wrapped it up

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I absolutely loved the The story it just completed it. I also loved the figurative language of choices 👍. Perfect. I think that moment you jumped off the cliff… amazing just amazing.