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Welcome to the "Am I a Jerk at Work?" quiz! Each question is designed to assess how you would respond to a series of tricky, hypothetical workplace situations. At the end, you'll find out whether you're a Conniving Trickster, Classic Jerk, just Going Through the Motions-or have been an Ideal Coworker all along.

It can also be fun to take these quizzes from the perspective of someone else at work (how would your boss respond to these questions?). And if you're really bold, have your coworkers take it as if they were you. It can be a great way to see how others at work perceive you.

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Welcome to the "Am I a Jerk at Work?" quiz! Each question is designed to assess how you would respond to a series of tricky, hypothetical workplace situations. At the end, you'll find out whether you're a Conniving Trickster, Classic Jerk, just Going Through the Motions-or have been an Ideal Coworker all along.

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HBR: 5 Jerks at Work & How to Deal With Them

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HBR: 5 Jerks at Work & How to Deal With Them

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When we're new in the workforce, we're often forced to figure out how to climb up the ladder while managing a variety of "difficult personalities" with little or no preparation. In her book, Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them, author Tessa West profiles five specific difficult personalities that you're likely to encounter at the office. Though each "jerk" differs in terms of behavior patterns, they all have one core psychological trait: They threaten your sense of certainty and control at work - your ability to predict what your day-to-day looks like. Here are a few strategies around how to understand their inner workings and weak points, as well as effective ways to manage them.

The Kiss-Up / Kick-Down: Reach out to well-connected or seasoned workers at your organization - people who are aware of the office politics and reputations of other employees. Your goal is to build an understanding of how widespread the problem is and get the names of other potential victims whom you can follow up with. If you gather enough information, approach your boss.

The Credit Stealer: Credit stealing is best handled outside of the room where it occurs. Before your next meeting, get together with your peers and make a plan. Promise to echo the contributions each of you share and give credit where credit is due.

The Bulldozer: Prevent yourself from being bulldozed by learning how to "hold the floor" early on in a new role or organization. Small acts of leadership, like stepping up to spearhead a project or lead a presentation, will help establish your reputation as an authority figure among your team members. Once that label is in place, your actions and behaviors will carry much more weight.

Micromanager: Confrontation will be necessary, but there's an art to confronting a Micromanager. When you do approach your boss, don't lead with micromanagement like them. Rather, lead with a conversation about getting aligned on your big-picture goals.

Gaslighter: Record everything. Gaslighters are allergic to record keeping. Documenting their behavior serves as evidence of what the Gaslighter told you privately and in person. This forces them to confirm things in writing, making it more difficult for them to change the narrative later on.

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5 Jerks at Work and How to Deal with Them

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When we're new in the workforce, we're often forced to figure out how to climb up the ladder while managing a variety of "difficult personalities" with little or no preparation. In her book, Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them, author Tessa West profiles five specific difficult personalities that you're likely to encounter at the office.

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Rachel Feintzeig | Photo illustrations and video by Aaron DuRall for The Wall Street Journal

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Don’t Be a Jerk at Work. (But Don’t Be Too Nice, Either.)

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How devolving into people-pleasing can hold back your career.

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NY Mag (Intelligencer): Nasty behavior spreads much faster than nice behavior

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NY Mag (Intelligencer): Nasty behavior spreads much faster than nice behavior

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We are living in a world full of assholes. To be sure: There are no census figures to back this up, no national registry from which to draw statistics, but one need only look at the headlines to see that the asshole population has not only grown in recent years but also spawned some new and rather alarming mutants. I mean, Martin Shkreli? Travis Kalanick? PewDiePie?

"You can make the argument that we are living in Peak Asshole," says Robert Sutton, a Stanford professor who, as the author of the iconic 2007 book The No Asshole Rule, is perhaps the world's leading expert on the species. According to Sutton, the problem of "disrespectful, demeaning, and downright mean-spirited behavior" is "worse than ever," which, while it may be bad news for humanity, is good news for The Asshole Survival Guide, the book Sutton came to New York to promote. And he has a point, citing the recent "fiascoes" at Uber and Fox News as examples of "assholes running wild." Then, of course, there's "the degeneration of American political discourse," as Sutton delicately puts it. We are sitting, on a Monday afternoon in mid-September, in what may arguably be the red-hot center of an Asshole Heat Map, if one existed: the pink, veined lobby at the base of the colossal penis that is Trump Tower.

Sutton is not a Trump supporter, but, sipping an iced tea from the building's beleaguered Starbucks, he is hesitant to outright label Trump an asshole, although his definition ("a person who leaves people feeling demeaned, deenergized, and disrespected"), he agrees, "certainly applies." But Sutton doesn't want to be, you know, an asshole: "Most of politics is everybody calling everybody else assholes." And assholism, after all, is contagious. "Nasty behavior spreads much faster than nice behavior, unfortunately," Sutton says. As he points out in his book, research shows that even a "single exposure" to negative behavior, like receipt of an insulting email, can turn a person into a "carrier." "Literally like a common cold," he adds. Similarly, when the president calls his detractors "haters and losers" in a tweet, when the wallpaper of life is made up of faces that belong to certified assholes like Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani, Don Jr., etc., etc., ad infinitum, it most likely has a trickle-down effect. "The more assholes you're around, the more asshole-y you get." But there are other factors that have led to this explosion of assholes, Sutton points out, everything from heat and crowding to imbalances in power and the wealth gap. "The research says that when we're in those situations, there's envy going up, and sort of disdain goes down." Research also shows that technology has increased the "asshole problem," as Sutton puts it, because people are much more likely to be mean if they don't have to make eye contact. And because technology has created the expectation for things to happen faster, and at all hours of the day, hurriedness and sleep deprivation have become major factors.

"That's the other thing with him," Sutton says, lowering his voice in reference to the insomniac-in-chief, as though he might be swarmed by a team of guys in MAGA caps any minute, although the only people in evidence are European tourists. "Sleep deprivation is one of the most reliable ways to put someone in a bad mood. So maybe he should only be allowed to tweet after he was certified that he had eight hours of sleep three nights in a row."

Sutton wasn't always "the Asshole Guy," as he somewhat reluctantly calls himself. As a psychologist, he has always focused on the expression of emotion in the workplace. But in the course of working in academia among tenured professors, and in talking to his wife, who spent time as a litigator at a large firm, the subject of assholes naturally came up. And back in 2003, when a friend at Harvard Business Review approached him about contributing to its "Breakthrough Ideas" feature, he said he had one idea but he wasn't sure it was a breakthrough - assholes having been around since the dawn of man - and the journal probably wouldn't print it. It did. When the article came out, Sutton received an "incredible storm of emails," he says. This may have had something to do with the fact that 2004 was also a banner year for assholes, with the Iraq War and the Martha Stewart trial in the news and Fahrenheit 9/11 and Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ in theaters, but in any case, interest was sufficient that, when Sutton finished a long book about "evidence-based management," he turned back to the subject for The No Asshole Rule.

Nasty behavior spreads much faster than nice behavior, unfortunately.

The book was a best seller, and its titular coinage has since sunk into the lexicon. Today, a company that doesn't at least claim to have a "no asshole rule" would be as odd as a person who doesn't have, well, an asshole, although it does not seem to have had much of an effect on their proliferation. Sutton is frequently approached by people touting the rule who are clearly assholes. "It's even worse when they say they have it and they're assholes, because then, as I say, they're assholes and hypocrites," says Sutton, noting that in the decade since, the breadth of academic literature focusing on "all things asshole" has expanded considerably. "It's a real growth group," he says. Now there's Berkeley professor Geoffrey Nunberg's Ascent of the A-Word; Assholes: A Theory, by University of California professor Aaron James; Dacher Keltner's The Power Paradox; and Sutton's friend Adam Grant's Give and Take.

Again, there's no data proving that this academic boomlet is indicative of a worldwide increase in assholes, but studies in related areas, like workplace bullying, suggest it's possible, and Sutton himself was soon drawn back to the topic. It may, he allows, have something to do with his increased exposure to the growing tech industry through his work at Stanford, where he co-founded the Technology Ventures Program, which puts him in contact with many present, past, and future employees of Silicon Valley tech companies. "We produce a lot of those bros who become assholes, unfortunately," he says, although finance and health care also rank high on the list of professions in which "power differences and time pressure and fatigue" combine to create toxic environments. His favorite strategy for coping with assholes comes from a Stanford administrator whose equanimity Sutton always admired. "I never could figure out why he was so serene in the face of certain assholes, especially in particular a petty tyrant we have in our midst. But what he does is he pretends when people are nasty that he's a doctor who specializes in studying assholism. And he says to himself, 'Oh, what a fascinating subject or specimen. I can't believe how lucky I am to see this close up,' which is funny, because I guess that's partly who I am." He also likes a strategy he calls "time travel": "Think about it like it's tonight and you're looking back at it, and it won't seem so bad."

Although the new book seems exceptionally well timed, Sutton finished writing before the election, and he notes in it that he doesn't buy into the adage that assholes finish first. The presence of a major-league asshole in the Oval Office would seem to prove him wrong, but Sutton stands by this theory. "The evidence generally is that when you treat people badly, the only time it really seems to work is if you're in a zero-sum game and it's a shorter-term game," he explains. "And my perspective is that even if you're in the zero-sum game, where the assholes get ahead, there's all this negative carnage. The people around them, their physical and mental health and personal relationships, they all suffer. And I don't want to go to Trump too much, but God, look how many people he's gone through." In the long run, he concludes, "people who treat each other with some civility generally do better."

But what about when the long run is, you know, long? It could always be worse, Sutton says, as we step on the escalator that will take us down through the tower's pink innards, back into the breathable New York City air. "One thing I could say about Trump is that the duration of it is really long, but there's some that are even longer," he says. For example: "I'm with all these colleagues that are all tenured, and Stanford has no mandatory retirement," he points out. "So when I'm with an asshole, all I can do is hope."

*This article appears in the September 18, 2017, issue of New York Magazine.

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This Stanford Professor Has a Theory on Why 2017 Is Filled With Jerks

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According to Robert Sutton, the problem of "disrespectful, demeaning, and downright mean-spirited behavior" is "worse than ever."

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Inc: Stanford Professor: Here's Why You're Suddenly Surrounded by Jerks These Days

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Inc: Stanford Professor: Here's Why You're Suddenly Surrounded by Jerks These Days

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Forbes: 7 Types of Jerks at Work and How To Handle Them Successfully

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Forbes: 7 Types of Jerks at Work and How To Handle Them Successfully

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Jerks at work can wreak havoc on our job satisfaction and our ability to succeed in our roles
Getty Images/iStockphoto

Anyone who has ever worked for a manager who is terrible knows the pain and difficulty it can cause. And when we are on the same team or staff with a colleague whose behavior is negative, demeaning or disruptive, it can make our work lives miserable and prevent us from succeeding. Study upon study has shown that when people leave an organization, it's more often than not about their manager, not the work or role itself.

In a recent SHRM study, for instance, the findings supported the age-old workplace adage that employees leave managers, not companies, as 84% of U.S. workers say that poorly trained managers create a great deal of unnecessary work and stress. One phrase I've personally heard countless times over the past 16 years in my work as a career and leadership coach is this: "My boss is a complete jerk."

To learn more about the key types of jerks at work and how to deal with them successfully (and not get fired doing it), I caught up with Tessa West.

Tessa West is a Professor of Psychology at New York University, and leading expert on interpersonal interaction and communication. West has published over 60 articles in the field of psychology's most prestigious journals, and has received multiple grants, including from the National Science Foundation and the National Institutes of Health. She is the recipient of the Theoretical Innovation Prize from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology and writes regularly about her research in The Wall Street Journal.

She is also the author of the book, Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them, which explores the seven key types of "jerks" or difficult and conflict-creating individuals in the workplace and offers a definitive guide for dealing with (and ultimately breaking free from) the overbearing bosses, irritating coworkers, and all-around difficult people who can make your work-life miserable.
Here's what West shares:
Kathy Caprino: Tessa, can you share a bit about why you decided to write a book about jerks at work?

Tessa West: I've been studying the ways we handle conflict in our relationships for two decades. Five years ago, I noticed a trend: People were quitting jobs because they didn't like the people they worked with, but the same problems cropped up at their new jobs. Most people don't learn how to have healthy conflict conversations at work. They either try and fail to address issues or do nothing and stew in anger. I thought a guide would be a good starting point to help people.

Caprino: In your book, you explore the 7 types of jerks. What are they are what are their key hallmarks?

West: Here are the 7 types of jerks I've identified that are most common:

Kiss-up/kick-downer: They climb to the top by any means necessary, which includes sabotaging the people who work at the same level as them and below. They question your expertise in front of a client or insinuate to the boss that you could use more "hands-on training." But they are top performers who can read the room, so the boss loves them.

Credit stealer: Teammates, friends, and bosses who gain your trust, and then steal your good ideas or take credit for your hard work. Some cover their tracks by complimenting their victims publicly. The credit-stealing occurs behind the scenes.

Bulldozer: In meetings, these folks talk over people and control the agenda, but the sneakier ones go behind the scenes to overthrow group decisions they don't like. Many do this by claiming that the process through which decisions were made was either unfair or unclear.

Free Rider: Charming and well-liked coworkers who are experts at doing nothing and getting credit for it. They distribute their work equally, so no one person feels the burn. Teams full of conscientious people and those with "hands off" bosses make great targets.

Micromanager: Impatient taskmasters for whom everything is equally important and equally urgent. If you have a micromanager, you struggle to meet long-term goals. You also work the hardest and get the least done.

Neglectful boss: Bosses who follow this cycle: a period of neglect, a build-up of anxiety from being out of touch, and a surge of control to alleviate their anxiety. If you work for one of these, you're in a constant state of uncertainty. When will they show up, and how disruptive will they be?

Gaslighter: Bosses with two signature moves: Lying with the intent of deceiving on a grand scale, and socially isolating their victims. The reasons why bosses gaslight people vary-from covering up their own unethical behavior, to convincing people to do work that they later claim credit for.

Caprino: Which type is the most common and why?

West: Free riding is the most common; it's a human universal to slack off. Smart free riders target conscientious people who are slow to complain. People freeride because they're pulled in too many directions, suffering from mission creep, or work for a boss who doesn't measure contributions.

Caprino: What are your top three strategies for dealing with jerks and toxic coworkers?

West: These are some helpful first steps:
Embrace small conflicts
Most of us are terrified of conflict; we see it as a red flag that a workplace is toxic. But social science has shown that having no conflict is the red flag-it means that you aren't communicating. Frequent, small conflicts are a normal part of the working process; the key is in learning how to do them well.

When you confront, focus on what the person did, not on why they did it. Be as specific as possible and avoid broad generalizations. "I felt like you interrupted me three times in that last meeting" is better than "Why do you constantly talk over me?"

To move forward, frame the behavior around a shared goal you both have instead of what they need to do to change. And at the end, ask the person, "Do you have any advice for me?" Conflict conversations go more smoothly when they feel like a give-and -take.
Feedback should be small and frequent
No one likes giving or getting feedback that is negative. It's uncomfortable for both involved. If you take issue with someone's behavior at work, bring it up immediately, and focus on the behavior in question-not on why you think the person did what they did. People feel a lot less threatened when we focus on small acts, not big issues, and we don't make assumptions about their cause. From your perspective, reducing that threat is key to getting them to hear your perspective.
Create a network that is broad not just deep
Most of us seek advice from a few close coworkers who we know and trust. But distant social contacts-people who aren't our best friends, but we do consider potential allies-are important sources of information and support.

Imagine that you're having a conflict with your boss, and you don't know how to get them to care about your issue. A distant tie, like your boss's colleague, has some insight into what tactics will on your boss. Most of us work in little silos-we know how our jerk treats the other five people we work with, but we have no idea what this person's history was like before they showed up. Distant social ties will help you get the lay of the land.

Caprino: How about when your immediate boss is a jerk or a narcissist (which I've experienced directly as have many of my coaching clients). What's your take on the best approach to deal with that personality type?

West: Narcissists have self-esteem that's unstable; they're very sensitive to rejection. When dealing with narcissists, I recommend a very utilitarian approach. How can you frame your requests in a way that will appeal to their self-interest? It doesn't feel good, catering to the needs of a narcissist, but just focus on your end goal.

Caprino: You write about the importance of having a network of allies at work which is different from having a lot of friends at work. How is it different and what are the best ways to build that ever-important network?

West: Distant ties give us reputational information about people; they also can connect us to other "central nodes" at work (people who have a lot of influence). The best way to form these relationships is informally. Ask a distant tie out to coffee or lunch just to chat and hear their perspective. Offer advice to newcomers at work to help you network.

Caprino: As a former therapist and now in career and leadership coaching, I've written and trained extensively about the 6 toxic behaviors that repel people and opportunities and how to recognize these damaging behaviors in ourselves and others, and also how to protect ourselves against narcissists in life and work. From your view, what are some tell-tale signs we might ourselves be a jerk at work?

West: Honest, negative feedback is rare at work; the absence of positive information is more common. If you suspect you might be acting like a jerk, ask for specific (behavior-based) feedback, and ask broadly-think lots of people who've been around you at work, not just one or two. We all have a worst-case-scenario version of ourselves lurking deep within. It's important to know what brings out this version, so we can watch out for the warning signs. We often can't control those signs, but can we control how we respond to them.

Caprino: Any last words about how to overcome (and even bypass altogether) the pain and challenge of working with jerks?

West: Most of the approaches I advocate for are uncomfortable at first; they take time to perfect. Be patient and try not to jump to a new job until you've tried them. If your jerk isn't motivated to change, or there is a climate at work that encourages their behavior, then I would consider thinking about the exit plan.

For more information, visit Tessa West at tessawestauthor.com and hear West speak about this topic in depth here.
Kathy Caprino is a career and leadership coach, speaker, executive trainer and author of The Most Powerful You.

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7 Types Of Jerks At Work And How To Handle Them Successfully

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As a career and leadership coach over the past 16 years, I've heard this phrase countless times: "My boss is a complete jerk." What do you do when your boss or coworker behaves badly on a regular basis and makes your work and life very difficult?

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CNBC: 7 Types of "Office Jerks" - Here's How to Tell Which One You Work With

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CNBC: 7 Types of "Office Jerks" - Here's How to Tell Which One You Work With

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A psychologist says there are 7 types of ‘office jerks’—here’s how to tell which one you work with

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Drawing on decades of research, social psychologist and communications expert Tessa West breaks down the seven types of jerks you’re most likely to encounter at work. From gaslighters to credit stealers, here’s how to identify — and work with — each one.

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TED: Do You Work with a Jerk? Here Are 6 Things You Can Do.

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TED: Do You Work with a Jerk? Here Are 6 Things You Can Do.

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Even in the best workplaces, rude coworkers may occasionally appear. But you don't need to smile and suffer in silence, says management researcher Christine Porath.

Oh, coworkers. We spend intense amounts of our waking lives with them, but while we voluntarily chose to be with some of these people, many of them are strangers foisted upon us.

As we know, these random collections of colleagues can frequently result in the best kind of professional fireworks: sparky, rewarding collaborations, meaningful friendships, and fleeting yet fond acquaintances. But every once in a while, you'll find yourself stuck with a non-team player - a bully, a jerk, or someone who is just consistently belittling or condescending.

Although your rude coworkers may be few in number, they can drain a disproportionate amount of your time and energy. The costs associated with uncivil behavior in the workplace are high, according to Christine Porath, a business professor at Georgetown University in Washington, DC, and author of Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace. "As you might expect, it impacts creativity, performance and focus," she says. "But it also has a negative effect on emotional well-being, mental and physical health, even personal relationships outside of work."

Porath and Christine Pearson, a management professor at Arizona State University, surveyed nearly 800 people across 17 industries to understand the impact of incivility at work. Their conclusion: When employees don't feel respected, their performance suffers. In their findings, 80 percent of respondents said they lost work time worrying about the incident, 63 percent lost work time in their efforts to avoid the offender, 50 percent deliberately decreased the time spent at work, and 66 percent said their performance declined. More worrying still, 25 percent admitted to taking their frustration out on customers, and 12 percent said they resorted to leaving their job because of incivility.

Incivility has also been shown to erode people's cognitive abilities. "Even if they want to perform at their best, they can't because rudeness hijacks focus and creativity," says Porath. In one study that she conducted with University of Florida-Gainesville management professor Amir Erez, participants were divided into two groups: one which was belittled, one which wasn't. People in the belittled group performed 33 percent worse on word puzzles and produced 39 percent fewer creative ideas during a brainstorming task. In a second experiment, participants were again divided into two groups: en route to the experiment, people in one group encountered a "busy professor," who reprimanded them for bothering him; people in the other group didn't have this encounter. For the reprimanded subjects, their performance was 61 percent worse on word puzzles, and they produced 58 percent fewer ideas compared to those who hadn't been berated. Interestingly, negative effects can persist even for those who witness moments of incivility: in three studies, they performed 25 percent worse on word puzzles and produced nearly 45 percent fewer ideas in brainstorming tasks.

Now, if you've ever had to deal with a jerk in your workplace, it's not news to you that they can bring down morale and productivity. But what can you do about them? Porath shares these 6 research- and experience-backed tips.

1. Don't meet rudeness with rudeness.

Even for the most enlightened among us, the reflexive response to rudeness will be to retaliate with the same. In its own way, incivility can be just as contagious as the seasonal cold that sweeps through your department, says Porath. But please check that instinct. You may have the sharpest zinger ready to fire, but remember that a withering takedown will not subdue the office jerk, just inflame them - and potentially escalate their one-sided rudeness into open conflict. Let your wiser, calmer self prevail. Ignore their barbs, minimize your encounters, and when you do have to deal with them, be brief, friendly and firm.

2. Spend time with the colleagues you like.

Your positive professional relationships can directly counterbalance the effects of incivility and give you a much-needed emotional bolster. Across industries, organizations and levels, "de-energizing" negative relationships have four to seven times as much impact on an employee's wellbeing as energizing positive ones do, according to a study conducted by French researchers Andrew Park and Alexandra Gerbasi and Porath. Whenever there's a debilitating de-energizer in your office, make sure you have a cluster of energizers to offset them. Who are the people in your workplace who support you? Who are the ones who embody why you took this job in the first place? Spend time with them, even if it's for a quick coffee break or walk around the block. And don't let your dealings with the de-energizer drive you to cancel plans with friends and family. Your nonprofessional relationships play an important role in keeping you buoyed.

3. Cultivate your own sense of thriving.

Another factor that can offset the ill effects of incivility: cultivating what Porath calls "a sense of thriving," or focusing on your own well-being. "In studies conducted across a range of industries, I've found that people who experience a state of thriving are healthier, more resilient and more able to focus on their work," she says. "When people feel even an inkling of thriving, it often buffers them from distractions, stress and negativity."

A sense of thriving can make it easier for you to reframe your coworker's putdowns and disrespect so they won't feel as destructive. "How much are you going to let someone pull you down?" asks Porath. "In large part, you really do get to decide how you interpret incivility, the meaning you assign to it, and the stories you tell yourself. You also get to control whether it makes you feel bad or not." People who focused more on thriving following an incident of incivility reported that their performance suffered 34 percent less than people who didn't, she says.

You can build up your sense of thriving in many ways, including getting adequate exercise and sleep, eating a varied diet, and prioritizing your non-work interests and hobbies. At work, make beneficial changes, such as seeking a mentor or doubling down on your personal goals.

4. Think about sitting down with your rude colleague.

In some cases, you might decide to talk it out with your abrasive coworker, particularly if there's a specific encounter or pattern of behavior you can refer to. Porath suggests you ask yourself these questions before you do:
Is their behavior intentional? Is their behavior unique, or is it part of an overall culture of incivility?
The answers to these questions aren't always clear, especially if you're upset, so you may want to discuss them with a colleague, friend, mentor or family member.

If you've opted for a meeting, find a good time to talk and choose an environment in which you'll both feel comfortable. One point to consider: Would it help to include other people as witnesses or mediators (e.g., your supervisor or someone from HR)? If so, invite them. And you may find it useful to rehearse your phrasing, ideas and approach first, even role-play the conversation.

In your discussion, you want to focus on the issues - not the individual - and how your colleague's specific behavior is harming your professional relationship. Your goal is for the two of you to identify and agree on norms for the future so you can work together as effectively as possible.

As you speak, stay focused on understanding their perspective. Does your rude colleague feel they are being mistreated or disrespected? How conscious are they of their behavior and its impact? Is there something outside the workplace - it could be completely unrelated to the job - that's pulled them off track and affected their mood and ability to be civil?

Be mindful of keeping your words and nonverbal communication neutral, and try to listen as much as you talk. Paraphrase what you hear your colleague say, and run it by them to make sure you're taking it all in. "In experiments, I've found that people gain credibility and are perceived as more likeable when they ask humble questions this way," Porath says. Any information you gather can help you two move forward.

5. If you decide not to talk to your rude colleague, tell someone else about them.

If you're unsure about having a sit-down, you should still confide in one of your coworkers. In the survey conducted by Porath and Pearson, they found that less than half of respondents reported incivility to anyone, often out of fear or a sense of hopelessness. "Much of incivility stems from a lack of awareness," says Porath. "So if you, your boss or leadership hasn't given the instigator of incivility the information about how they're perceived, they may not change their behavior." Your feedback could possibly motivate the rude colleague to look at their interactions and change what they do. You might also find that you're not the only victim.

And if you decided against a conversation because you worry you'd be putting yourself in an unsafe situation, or if your coworker has crossed the line of incivility into harassment, bullying or abuse, immediately notify your supervisor, human resources personnel or workplace manager.

6. Know when it's time to leave.

If rudeness is the rule in your workplace and not the exception, leaving may be your best option. But Porath advises anyone who's thinking of quitting to answer these questions first. Talk them over with someone you trust.
How easily can I move to a better workplace? What would I gain or lose if I left? How would leaving affect my career? Does my current workplace appear destined to remain uncivil? Is incivility at work depleting my life outside work? Is workplace incivility injuring my self-image? Is incivility causing me stress?
Ultimately, "incivility is in the eyes of the recipient," says Porath, and it's up to you to decide if you should quit your job. When you do, you can make it your lifelong mission to foster a culture of true civility wherever you work. "Simply not being rude is about being neutral, but civility in its fullest sense requires something more," she says: "positive gestures of respect, dignity, courtesy and kindness."
Watch her TEDxUniversityofNevada talk:

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Do you work with a jerk? Here are 6 things you can do

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Even in the best workplaces, rude coworkers may occasionally appear. But you don't need to smile and suffer in silence, says management researcher Christine Porath.

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Vox: A Stanford Psychologist on the Art of Avoiding Jerks

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Vox: A Stanford Psychologist on the Art of Avoiding Jerks

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The world is full of assholes. Wherever you live, whatever you do, odds are you're surrounded by assholes. The question is, what to do about it?

Robert Sutton, a psychology professor at Stanford University, has stepped up to answer this eternal question. He's the author of a new book, The Asshole Survival Guide, which is basically what it sounds like: a guide for surviving the assholes in your life.

In 2010, Sutton published The No Asshole Rule, which focused on dealing with assholes at an organizational level. In the new book, he offers a blueprint for managing assholes at the interpersonal level. If you've got an asshole boss, an asshole friend, or an asshole colleague, this book might be for you.

I sat down with him recently to talk about his strategies for dealing with assholes, what he means when he says we have to take responsibility for the assholes in our lives, and why he says self-awareness is key to recognizing that the asshole in your life may be you.

"You have to know yourself, be honest about yourself, and rely on people around you to tell you when you're being an asshole," he told me. "And when they are kind enough to tell you, listen."

A lightly edited transcript of our conversation follows.

Sean Illing

How does a Stanford professor come to spend so much of his time thinking about assholes?

Robert Sutton

Well, there's some intellectual logic to it. I've done a lot of research on the expression of emotion in organizational life, including how to deal with assholes. I wasn't using that word at the time, but that's basically what I was doing. I even did some ethnographic work as a telephone bill collector, where I was dealing with assholes all day long. I was also part of an academic department that had a no-asshole rule - seriously. And we actually enforced it.

Sean Illing

Wait, what? What does a "no asshole" policy in an academic department look like?

Robert Sutton

We would talk about this explicitly when we were making hiring decisions. Stanford's a pretty passive-aggressive place, so it wasn't really in your face. But if someone was acting like a jerk, we would gently shun them and make life difficult for them. The idea was to avoid hiring assholes if it all possible, and if one squeezed through the cracks, we would deal with him or her collectively.

"One of the simplest - but admittedly hardest - things you can do is simply learn not to give a shit. Not giving a shit takes the wind out of an asshole's sails."

Sean Illing

Before we can talk about surviving assholes, we need a proper definition of assholery. Can you give me one?

Robert Sutton

There are a lot of academic definitions, but here's how I define it: An asshole is someone who leaves us feeling demeaned, de-energized, disrespected, and/or oppressed. In other words, someone who makes you feel like dirt.

Sean Illing

So an asshole is someone who doesn't care about other people?

Robert Sutton

I would make a distinction between temporary and certified assholes, because all of us under the wrong conditions can be temporary assholes. I'm talking about somebody who is consistently this way, who consistently treats other people this way. I think it's more complicated than simply saying an asshole is someone who doesn't care about other people. In fact, some of them really do care - they want to make you feel hurt and upset, they take pleasure in it.

Sean Illing

How many people looking for asshole survival strategies fail to notice they're part of the asshole contingent?

Robert Sutton

A great question. The reason that I have this definition of assholes as somebody who makes you feel demeaned, de-energized, and so on is that you've got to take responsibility for the assholes in your life. Some people really are so thin-skinned that they think everyone is offending them when it's nothing personal. Then the other problem, which you're also implying, is because assholeness is so contagious, that if you're the kind of person where everywhere you go, the people objectively treat you like dirt and treat you worse than others, odds are you're doing something to prompt that punishment.

You can see this with Donald Trump. I don't want to talk about him too much, but I think that's part of what's going on with him. If you insult virtually everybody, they're going to throw the shit back at you.

Sean Illing

Well, I'm not going to call the president an asshole here, but I will say that he's checking all the asshole boxes you've set forth in this book.

Robert Sutton

Yeah, I won't call him one either, but I agree with your assessment.

Sean Illing

What's the surest way for someone to recognize that they're being an asshole? I assume that most of us are occasionally assholes but prefer not to be.

Robert Sutton

Absolutely. There's some evidence in the book about how few people will say that they're assholes compared to how many people will say they're oppressed by assholes. There's a huge disparity. The main thing this research on self-awareness says is that the worst person to ask about someone's assholeness is the asshole himself, and the best people to ask are the people around him or her who know that person at least fairly well. Bottom line: Assholes need someone in their life to tell them they're being an asshole.

"We have to take responsibility for the assholes in our lives"

Sean Illing

Being an asshole isn't a great relationship-building strategy, but it does seem to correlate with professional success. I'm thinking of a famous asshole like Steve Jobs. Why is that?

Robert Sutton

Yes, if you are in a situation where it's an "I win, you lose" kind of game in the organization, then you don't need any cooperation from your competitors, and leaving people feeling like dirt might be worthwhile.

But there are two problems with that. One of them is that in most situations, you actually need collaboration. And we have plenty of research that shows that people who are givers rather than takers tend to do better in the long term. If you're playing a short-term game, then yeah, being an asshole might pay dividends - but I'm fairly convinced that doesn't work in most situations.

Sean Illing

And, to be fair, there are examples of assholes in business being upended by their own assholery. I'm thinking of Uber's former CEO Travis Kalanick.

Robert Sutton

Right. There are typically costs for being an asshole in the professional world. When you're climbing the corporate ladder, for example, you might be destroying the organization around you by driving out the best people, undermining their productivity, creativity, and so on.

Sean Illing

Let's get to the meat and potatoes of the book, which is about how to deal with assholes. So tell me, what's your best asshole neutralization strategy?

Robert Sutton

First, it depends on how much power you have. And second, on how much time you've got. Those are the two questions that you have to answer before you can decide what to do. Assuming that you don't have Dirty Harry power or you're not the CEO and can't simply fire people you don't like, I think you have to do two things in terms of strategy.

To begin with, you've got to build your case. You've also got to build a coalition. One of my mottos is that you have to know your assholes. We already talked about temporary versus certified assholes, but another distinction that's really important is that some people, and you mentioned this at the outset, some people are clueless assholes and don't realize they're jerks, but maybe they mean well.

In that situation, you can have backstage conversations, gently informing them that they've crossed a line. This is simple persuasive work. But if it's somebody who is one of those Machiavellian assholes who is treating you like shit because they believe that's how to get ahead, in that case you've got to get the hell out of there if you can.

Sean Illing

Let's make this more concrete. Say you're someone who's struggling against an asshole boss. Obviously, there's a power asymmetry, so it's not as simple as telling him or her they're an asshole. I imagine this is a common situation for many readers interested in this book. What's your advice?

Robert Sutton

The first question is, can you quit or transfer to another department? If you're stuck under a certified asshole, that means you're suffering. And if that's the case, you should get out - it's that simple.

The second question is, if you must endure, are you going to fight or are you just going to take it? If you're going to fight, you need a plan and a posse, you need to collect your evidence, and then you have to take your chances. In any case, I tell people to try to have as little contact as possible with assholes, and I offer strategies for doing that in the book.

One of the simplest - but admittedly hardest - things you can do is simply learn not to give a shit. Not giving a shit takes the wind out of an asshole's sails.When an asshole's being nasty to you, ignore him. Think about when you'll get home later that night and the fact that that asshole won't be there and won't matter. Think about how a year from now that asshole won't be in your life, but he'll still be the asshole he always was.

Sean Illing

What if you've got an asshole as a peer or a colleague? Does that call for a different strategy?

Robert Sutton

Your chances of getting rid of them are higher because you have more power. But there's a simpler way to handle a situation like this: just freeze them out. I'm in academia, which means there are lots of assholes we can't fire, but we can absolutely freeze them out. We don't have to invite them to events or gatherings. We can shun them politely and smile at them as necessary, but other than that we just ignore them. That's how we deal with assholes.

But there are some situations in which you may have to be an asshole to survive because you've got no choice but to push back against them. This isn't ideal, but if that's what you have to do, then that's what you do.

"Sometimes you have to speak to the asshole in the only language they understand, and that means you have to get your hands dirty"

Sean Illing

That dovetails nicely with my next question: Is it ever appropriate to out-asshole an asshole?

Robert Sutton

Sure. I try to see this from the perspective of the reader. If somebody has a long history of hurting you, and they have a Machiavellian personality, the only thing they understand is a display of force. If that's the case, the best way to protect yourself is to fire back with everything you've got.

Look, some people deserve to be treated badly. More importantly, they need to be treated badly. Sometimes you have to speak to the asshole in the only language they understand, and that means you have to get your hands dirty.

Sean Illing

Most of us don't want to be assholes, but sometimes we are. When I wake up in the morning, for instance, I'm frequently a grumbling asshole. I don't want to get up for this or that reason, so I roll out of bed and spend the first 30 minutes of my day stampeding around like an asshole. Not every day is like this, but it happens and it's embarrassing. So I guess my question is, how we can better check our own asshole tendencies?

Robert Sutton

First, it sounds like you're self-aware and that's a good thing. But look, there are certain situations that turn most of us into jerks, and we have to be aware of that and work on developing techniques to calm ourselves down. Sleep deprivation, for example, is one of the most reliable ways to become an asshole. If you're tired and in a hurry, you're likely to be an asshole. If you have an excess of power in a situation, you're at risk of becoming an asshole. One thing I've learned is that great differences in power bring out the worst in us.

Ultimately, you have to know yourself, be honest about yourself, and rely on people around you to tell you when you're being an asshole. And when they are kind enough to tell you, listen.

Sean Illing

Plato famously argued in The Republic that a tyrant, however powerful, ultimately suffers in the end by corrupting his own soul. You make a similar argument about assholes - that they might win at life but still fail as human beings.

Robert Sutton

Wow, I've never heard the Plato connection. That's not a question I expect to hear from a journalist, but I guess that's the former political theorist speaking. I have to say, I love that connection. We know that assholes have a corrosive effect on the people around them. There are longitudinal studies that demonstrate pretty clearly that people who, for example, work under assholes for many years end up being more depressed, more anxious, and less healthy.

So there's compelling evidence that assholes are terrible human beings who do harm to other people. I think the way you described Plato's analogy is far more elegant than anything I could say.

At the end of the day, if you're an asshole, you're a failure as a human being because you promote unnecessary suffering. What else is there to say?

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A Stanford psychologist on the art of avoiding assholes

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The world is full of assholes. Wherever you live, whatever you do, odds are you're surrounded by assholes. The question is, what to do about it? Robert Sutton, a psychology professor at Stanford University, has stepped up to answer this eternal question.

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NYTimes: How to Deal with a Jerk Without Being a Jerk

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NYTimes: How to Deal with a Jerk Without Being a Jerk

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HBR: Don't Underestimate the Power of Kindess at Work

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Organizations benefit from actively fostering kindness. In workplaces where acts of kindness become the norm, the spillover effects can multiply fast. When people receive an act of kindness, they pay it back, research shows — and not just to the same person, but often to someone entirely new. This l…

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315. Jerks At Work: How To Deal With Difficult Colleagues, with Tessa West

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Listen to this episode from The Brainy Business on Spotify. In this episode of The Brainy Business podcast, host Melina Palmer is joined by Dr. Tessa West, a renowned expert in social psychology and communication. They dive deep into the topic of workplace jerks, exploring the different types of jerky behaviors that exist and providing valuable insights on how to address and prevent these behaviors.

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Listen to this episode from Talk Nerdy with Cara Santa Maria on Spotify. In this episode of Talk Nerdy, Cara is joined by NYU psychology professor Dr. Tessa West to talk about her new book, "Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them."

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Ted: Do You Work With a Jerk at Work? Here Are 6 Things You Can Do

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Welcome to the "Am I a Jerk at Work?" quiz! Each question is designed to assess how you would respond to a series of tricky, hypothetical workplace situations. At the end, you'll find out whether you're a Conniving Trickster, Classic Jerk, just Going Through the Motions-or have been an Ideal Coworker all along.

It can also be fun to take these quizzes from the perspective of someone else at work (how would your boss respond to these questions?). And if you're really bold, have your coworkers take it as if they were you. It can be a great way to see how others at work perceive you.

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Welcome to the "Am I a Jerk at Work?" quiz! Each question is designed to assess how you would respond to a series of tricky, hypothetical workplace situations. At the end, you'll find out whether you're a Conniving Trickster, Classic Jerk, just Going Through the Motions-or have been an Ideal Coworker all along.

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Column

Chronic lateness. Constant interruptions. Continuous "multitasking." If you exhibit some seemingly small behaviors often enough, the repeated disrespect can destroy relationships and hurt culture. Here's how leaders can model better choices.

Reading Time: 11 min

Carolyn Geason-Beissel/MIT SMR | Getty Images

Let me ask you some questions to get this discussion started. In the past week or two at work, did you see anyone:

1. Tell someone that their thoughts or feelings are stupid?

2. Insult others in public meetings to humiliate or cause discomfort to them?

3. Lie and break promises to others?

4. Throw others under the bus to save or promote themselves?

5. Suck up to their boss and expect their subordinates to do the same to them?

6. Treat coworkers as competitors and potential enemies?

These are the kinds of behaviors assessed on Stanford professor Robert Sutton's Asshole Rating Self-Exam and Ohio State professor Ben Tepper's "abusive supervision" scale. 1 I hope that after having received two decades of attention, these particularly egregious, explicit forms of bad behavior are indeed less common than they used to be - and that you could answer "no" to most or all of the six questions.

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But even if that's true, I worry that we have an equally big problem that we're not calling out nearly enough. Consider this next set of questions. In the same period of time, did you see anyone:

1. "Multitask" by looking at their phone or being on their computer while others are talking?

2. Show up late, or not at all, for meetings or events they've agreed to attend?

3. Interrupt or talk over someone else who is speaking?

4. Fail to show respect for what someone knows or how hard they've worked?

5. Display body language that conveys disinterest, disgust, or condescension?

6. Show favoritism to in-group members in ways that hurt those excluded?

Based on what I experience these days, and what the data I've been collecting shows more systematically, I'd guess that you've seen a lot of these behaviors recently - and that if you asked others to answer anonymously, they'd say you sometimes do a fair number of those things. I know that I do.

The problems being caused by nice jerks are, in aggregate, likely greater than the harm caused by more obviously abusive behaviors.

I'm not saying that we behave in these ways with intent to harm, or even consciously. And many people who do these things often are otherwise seen as decent, upstanding people. But if you do them often enough, I think it creates the impression that you're a "nice jerk" - someone who repeatedly shows disrespect in seemingly small ways that, individually and collectively, have a really negative impact on people and the organization's culture.

And I'd argue that the problems being caused by nice jerks are, in aggregate, likely greater than the harm caused by more obviously abusive behaviors - because these forms of disrespect are far more common and much less likely to be called out and stopped.

Disrespectful Behaviors That Do Damage

During the past couple of years, I've asked hundreds of working professionals to provide three examples of "disrespectful behavior." I started asking this because I wondered whether I was just getting older and crankier or whether other people were noticing changes that seemed to have started with the increased ubiquity of phones and laptops and worsened in the wake of the pandemic. The results: Many other people were feeling bothered by similar behaviors - often not overtly abusive ones but more "everyday" behaviors. Only two of the top 10 themes that emerged were about hurtful, condescending speech or public criticism and humiliation. The five most common themes in my data were as follows:

Interrupting and talking over others: Not letting someone finish their train of thought; consistently finishing someone's sentences; cutting in to score points.

Multitasking: Being on a phone or laptop in meetings; failing to look up from a device when spoken to; asking a question and then doing something else during the response.

Showing disregard for others' effort or expertise: Ignoring or trivializing someone's contributions; discarding their effort without consideration; downplaying their knowledge or experience.

Showing disregard for others' time: Consistently showing up late; not showing up for planned events; ignoring deadlines; requiring attendance at pointless meetings; failing to do advance reading and therefore wasting time during a meeting.

Failing to include others: Not bringing relevant people into the loop; showing favoritism in who gets to speak or who is listened to; inviting some people to events while excluding others who are in the same role and level in the organizational hierarchy.

I next asked people how they felt when they experienced these types of disrespect. "Anger" and related words (like "outraged" and "ticked off") were mentioned by 81% of respondents. Anger's close cousin, frustration, was mentioned by 36%. Disrespectful behavior also left more than 1 in 4 feeling insignificant and anxious - and insecure about their position or value. And more than 1 in 5 said they felt sad. The number of people feeling sadness is likely higher, given that the hurt from being disrespected often is initially masked by anger, especially in men.

And how did people say they respond in these situations? Not surprisingly, given their feelings, they react with a range of fight-or-flight behaviors. Some people said they become aggressive and combative. "I bite back," noted one. Some admitted to fighting back more subtly: Think hard-to-detect, undermining behavior. Conversely, other people shut down: They avoid or ignore the offender, they zone out in certain settings, or they disengage altogether and give less to that relationship or their job. These are all understandable coping behaviors in the face of disrespect, but it's hard to argue that any of them are desirable.

Are You Ready to Be Nicer?

I know that seems like a rhetorical question, but it's clearly harder than it seems - or people wouldn't be able to rattle off instance after instance of disrespectful behavior as soon as I finish asking for examples. And if we were all so good at being respectful, Donald and Charles Sull wouldn't have reported in a previous MIT SMR piece that employees "feeling respected" is 17.9 times more powerful a predictor of an organization's overall culture score than the average factor, and almost twice as strong as the second-most-important factor, supportive leadership. 2

Here are three areas to examine and improvement ideas to consider. Some will likely initially strike you as too hard or too harsh. Maybe they are. Or maybe we have to admit that this issue has reached the point where it's going to take this level of action to create the culture of respect we say we want.

Call B.S. on "multitasking."

I put "multitasking" in quotes because it's actually a misnomer. Neuroscientists are in agreement that the human brain actually can't multitask; it's designed to focus on only one thing at a time. When people say that they're multitasking, they're really saying that they're sequentially switching their attention back and forth between two or more things.

So the first step to take is to simply stop accepting this excuse when someone is not paying attention or is acting like they're listening when they're not. Tachi Yamada, the great physician leader (and former head of R&D at both GlaxoSmithKline and Takeda Pharmaceuticals), understood how important his full attention was to making other people feel like he cared. He wouldn't have his phone on or look at his computer screen during meetings. "Every moment counts," he said, "and that moment is lost if you're not in the moment 100%." 3

How do we get to a tech-free environment in meetings where people's full attention is crucial? Announce clear expectations and expect pushback.

Start with a statement that devices are to be turned completely off. Alternatively, allow technology, but only for very clearly stated purposes, like note-taking or looking at something when instructed to. And be prepared to call people out. (Let's be real: There is a lot of lying about "only using it for note-taking.")

Stop accepting multitasking as an excuse when someone is not paying attention or is acting like they're listening when they're not.

In virtual meetings, where you can't control others' device access, being serious about this means calling people out publicly ("Jim, are you focused on something else right now?") or privately later ("Jim, I noticed you very often appeared to be looking at other devices or typing during the meeting. I don't want to see that again.")

Banning technology from certain spaces or meetings might sound draconian, but it's actually consistent with a well-known strategy for helping people overcome addictive behaviors. It's called physical binding - the adoption of strategies that put distance between the user and the drug of choice. 4

Treat other people's time like gold.

Time is the most truly finite thing of value we possess. No matter how much money or status you have, the most realistic expectation is that you can expect to have about 4,000 weeks of life in total. 5 At work, we give a nod to the importance of how people spend their time by constantly emphasizing productivity and espousing that our people are our greatest asset. But then we tolerate all sorts of behaviors that waste people's time, like making groups of people sit around waiting for one person to show up before beginning a meeting, or waiting for people who didn't read the pre-read to get briefed in real time.

What if you just agreed that meetings would start at the scheduled time? And that there would be no restatements of anything covered in pre-reads? And what if you said you would no longer admit people - in person or from online waiting rooms - if they showed up more than a minute or two after the meeting started? At my business school, faculty members talk longingly about the days when the classroom doors prevented students from entering after a class had started. Some will say that's too harsh - an opinion that may reflect how our growing conflict aversion has led us to be more tolerant of disrespectful behaviors these days.

We could also start using technology to measure these kinds of disrespectful behaviors in order to discourage them. I don't love the idea of tracking, nor do I love "lock the door when the meeting starts." Sadly, though, I think there are three basic approaches to chronic lateness and time disrespecters:

Ask/remind people nicely. This option has failed miserably and likely isn't going to work, given the point we've reached.

Publicly or privately call it out, creating both social shame and/or additional consequences. This approach doesn't tend to work for people who are conflict-avoidant and/or those who have less power on the organizational chart.

Create systems/structures that tackle the problem in ways that people won't. This approach acknowledges the realities of the previous two options and requires that leaders enforce accountability around respect for everyone's time.

Teach and evaluate listening skills.

Think about all of the professional or leadership development training you've had. Almost certainly, it has included a lot of content on how to be a better communicator. How to be more inspiring, how to be more persuasive, how to sell your issue more effectively, how to pitch your idea better, how to win a debate or negotiation - the list of ways to improve what comes out of your mouth is incredibly long. Similarly, just about every leadership assessment contains multiple categories related to speaking ability.

Conversely, we've spent incredibly little time and effort teaching or assessing listening skills. All of my colleagues teach something related to speaking effectively; few teach anything focused on listening better. It's an odd omission, given that any real conversation requires both speaking and listening in order to be successful.

So if you want people at your organization to stop interrupting all the time, model it yourself. Force yourself to stop thinking about what you're going to say next while pretending to listen. Curtail other behaviors that convey you don't care about the knowledge, experience, or feelings of the speaker. And teach people how to listen better.

Like speaking, listening is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice. People can learn to paraphrase or summarize what they've heard and to show nonjudgmental acceptance of the speaker's perspective before replying. They can learn to ask good questions, maintain eye contact, and pay attention to the speaker's nonverbal cues. And they can be held accountable for their listening behaviors using the same assessments that capture input on their speaking skills.

None of these suggestions are that hard or that costly to implement. But this approach does require that we clarify what we consider "mean" and "nice." I don't think the steps outlined above - like banning technologies from certain meetings and holding people accountable for exhibiting desired behaviors - are harsh or inappropriate. I think they're mechanisms that acknowledge how hard it is to be routinely respectful in the world we live in, and they're therefore worth some investment to assist us all in doing better.

About the Author

Jim Detert is the John L. Colley Professor of Business Administration at the University of Virginia's Darden School of Business and the author of Choosing Courage: The Everyday Guide to Being Brave at Work (Harvard Business Review Press, 2021).

References

1. R.I. Sutton, "The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't" (New York: Warner Business Books, 2007); and B.J. Tepper, "Consequences of Abusive Supervision," Academy of Management Journal 43, no. 2 (April 2000): 178-190.

2. D. Sull and C. Sull, " 10 Things Your Corporate Culture Needs to Get Right," MIT Sloan Management Review, Sept. 16, 2021, https://sloanreview.mit.edu.

3. A. Bryant, "Talk to Me. I'll Turn Off My Phone," The New York Times, Sunday, Feb. 28, 2010, sec. BU, p. 2.

4. A. Lembke, "Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence" (New York: Dutton, 2021).

5. O. Burkeman, "Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals" (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2021).

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Which repeated small but disrespectful behaviors damage relationships and culture? Three areas beg for improvement.