# data[].attributes.headline
CoP Two Members: Write the names of CoP Three members here

# data[].attributes.subject
CoP Two Members: Write the names of CoP Three members here

# data[].attributes.body
Assignment 1. file attatched.
Heejin Choi

# data[].attributes.headline
Heejin Choi I attached a revised one(4 April). Would you please give me a feedback with this outline? Thank you all. 

# data[].attributes.subject
Heejin Choi I attached a revised one(4 April). Would you please give me a feedback with this outline? Thank you all. 

# data[].attributes.body
- Statement of a clear argument: 6
- Selection of relevant literature: 7
- Clear communication: 7

What are the strong points that you find in this essay?
- Very detailed outline with clear and strong arguments made in relation to the topic
- Applies own experience into the related topic with recent and relevant references

What specific suggestions/recommendations can you make to further improve this work?
- All the arguments are generally in one whole paragraph: would have been easier to read if similar points/arguments are separated in bullet points or smaller paragraphs
- Can make use of different or as suggested, the 3 levels to show what the main arguments in a clearer format

# data[].attributes.body
- Statement of a clear argument: 5
- Selection of relevant literature: 6
- Clear communication: 6

What are the strong points that you find in this essay?
- Clear format with headings used
- Body part of paper are layered into different levels from broad to specific
- Relevant references used which are mostly updated sources (with a few outdated ones, which you may reference with the more recent article that it is taken from?)

What specific suggestions/recommendations can you make to further improve this work?
- Introduction: simplify real-life experience/story of Jaime and focus more on the questions raised to highlight the purpose of the paper
- Only one sided arguments (the positive impacts) have been raised: what are the barriers or the negative impacts that other researchers argue about transformational leadership?

# data[].attributes.body
- Statement of a clear argument: 4
- Selection of relevant literature: 6
- Clear communication: 6

What are the strong points that you find in this essay?
- Looks at both impacts and barriers of instructional leadership
- Relevant references found in which instructional leadership can be criticized on
- Structure of outline is clear and easy to follow

What specific suggestions/recommendations can you make to further improve this work?
- Introduction seems too broad: focusing on many general topics and not specifically on instructional leadership, which leads to questioning whether all of the other parts are really related to instructional leadership; difficult to identify what the real topic is; it's more like an introduction/description of the different leadership types and not a critique specifically on instructional leadership
- Body needs to focus specifically on instructional leadership: transformational and transactional leadership may not be necessary unless there is some kind of linkage

# data[].attributes.body
Title: The role of external evaluation/inspection in creating transformational school leadership

1.  Assessment rubric

*Statement of a clear argument (5)

*Selection of relevant literature (7)

*Clear communication (7)

2. Strong points

* Practical and creative topic

* Abundant references and solid evidences

3. Suggestions for improvement

* Even though it has a single clear topic and many supporting ideas, it is still hard to perceive the whole structure of the writing. If the ideas are placed in an orderly form, it would be easily captured how ideas and evidences are discussed, developed, and organized, and how each paragraph works and is connected.

# data[].attributes.body
Title: Teacher as a transformational leader

1. Assessment rubric

*Statement of a clear argument (5)

*Selection of relevant literature (7)

*Clear communication (6)

2. Strong points

*Very insightful topic: finding TL traits from Escalante case, and also applying TL to a subject teacher level

*Ample references about TL

3. Suggestions for improvement

*In some point of view, it seems like a case study about a teacher with TL traits.
*If possible to compare TL with other leadership traits, it can be the article more persuasive.

# data[].attributes.body
Comments from Caroline
Title: How instructional leadership works positively at school
Author: Heejin Choi
Assessor: Caroline
1. Assessment rubric
-statement of a clear argument (4)
-selection of relevant literature (6)
-clear communication (6)
2. Strong points
-use of recent references
-presence of instructional leadership aspects in the introduction, body, and conclusion
-inclusion of strengths and barriers of instructional leadership
3. Suggestions for improvement
-Consider focusing on instructional leadership as proposed in the topic
-use the selected literature to justify how instructional leadership works positively at school

# data[].attributes.body
- Statement of a clear argument: 5
- Selection of relevant literature: 5
- Clear communication: 6

What are the strong points that you find in this essay?
- Introduction meets the purpose of paper with the example of China given (use of personal experience as additional support to arguments)
- Clear headings with brief points highlighted to show what the arguments are
- Recent and relevant references used (but some slight mistakes in format under the references list)

What specific suggestions/recommendations can you make to further improve this work?
- Bullet points are used to highlight the arguments in each section and further explained, but there is no spacing in between which makes it difficult to read and understand
- Only one-sided arguments are shown under different perspectives, i.e. transformational leadership in general and in China, but what are the barriers or negative impacts highlighted by other authors/researchers? Does transformational leadership work in China, or what may the limitations be, if used?
- Some grammar and spelling mistakes seen

# data[].attributes.body
Title: Teacher as a transformational leader
Author: Eduardo
Assessor: Caroline
1. Assessment rubric
-statement of a clear argument: 6
-selection of relevant literature: 6
-clear communication: 6
2. Strong points in the essay
-good flow as well as connection of the arguments
3. Suggestions
-consider including challenges faced by teachers as they implement transformational teaching/leadership in classroom seting

# data[].attributes.body
Title: A critical analysis on distributed leadership
Author: Alice
Assessor: Caroline
1. Assessment rubric
-statement of a clear argument: 7
-selection of relevant literature: 6
-clear communication: 7
2. Strong points
-well sequenced arguments in different levels
3. Suggestions/recommendations
-in view of the word limit, consider combining related points or factors in level 3 and level 4 of the arguements

# data[].attributes.body
Title: Transformational leadership in education system of China
Author: Jing Ma
Assessor: Caroline
1. Assessment rubric
-statement of a clear argument: 6
-selection of relevant literature: 6
Clear communication: 5
2. Strong points
-analysis of transformational leadership at different levels of the education system as well as in the context of China
3. Suggestions/recommendations
-give the meaning of an abbreviation when it is being used for the first time
-consider adding the strengths and challenges of transformational leadership in China's education system

# data[].attributes.body
1. Assessment rubric
- statement of a clear argument: 6
- selection of relevant literature: 7
-clear communication: 6
2. Strong points
- considerable and updated reference about your topic
- Main argument is easy to follow
3. Suggestions
- careful with grammar aspect
- you should considerer adding concrete example about role's leader in Chine's education system

# data[].attributes.body
1. Assesment rubric
- statement of a clear argument: 6
- selection of relevan literature: 7
- clear communication: 6
2.Strong points
- Clear ideas, supported by excelent arguments
- Considerable and relevan references
3. Suggestions for improvement
- main ideas and supported evidence should be separted by bullet points.

# data[].attributes.body
1. Assessment rubric
-statement of a clear argument: 7
-selection of relevant literature: 7
-clear communication: 6
2. Strong points
-logic and clear connection between transformational leadership(TR) and school inspection, identify the gap through critical review on both TR and school inspection.
-strong support by the literature
3. Suggestions
-more structured articulation under the first level title will help understanding the development of this argument, for example some bullet points.

# data[].attributes.body
Feedback for Eduardo from Jing Ma
1. Rubric
-Statement of a clear argument:7
-Selection of relevant literature: 6
-clear communication:7
2. Strong points
-very inspirational argument about the role of transformational teachers in classroom, originated from personal context and supported by literature
-ideas within this argument are coherently connected and the conclusion provokes further thoughts regarding teacher’s role in the classroom .
3. Suggestion
Some literature with respect to transformational leadership could be more updated.

# data[].attributes.body
1. Assessment rubric
- statement of a clear argument: 5
- selection of relevant literature: 7
- clear communication: 6

2. Strong points
- clear structure of argument
- considerable and relevant references

3. suggestions
- adding reference to arguments and bullet points
- more elaboration on argument is necessary rather than just write down a topic

# data[].attributes.body
1. Assessment rubric
- statement of a clear argument: 5
- selection of relevant literature: 6
- clear communication: 6

2. Strong points
- clear and logic sequence of ideas and arguments
- considerable and updated references

3. Suggestion
- to respect number of pages
- some of the authors are not including in the references

# data[].attributes.body
1. Rubric
-statement of clear argument: 4
-selection of relevant literature: 7
-clear communication: 5
2. Strong points
- very thorough review theories on leadership practices
- updated literature related to theorie and practices
3. Suggestions
- a detailed instruction which focus on instructional leadership and its positive use in schools will help to establish a clearer argument
- some explanations under the bullet points will be needed for suggestions on this outline
- relevant literature can be cited in text to support the argument

# data[].attributes.body
1. Rubric
-statement of a clear argument: 7
-selection of relevant literature: 7
-clear communication: 6
2. Strong points
- very detailed structure to develop a critical analysis of distributed leadership in education field.
- main examples are given below each section to make a strong argument
- thoroughly analyze the challenges inside distributed leadership, making the argument very critical
3. Suggestion
The third- level content can be more focused and consise to make the main point stand out.

# data[].attributes.body
Title: Transformational Leadership in Education System of China

1. Assessment rubric
*Statement of a clear argument (6)
*Selection of relevant literature (6)
*Clear communication (5)
2. Strong points
*Good introduction
*Topic is pragmatic and interesting.
3. Suggestions for improvement
*Making arguments about problems or barriers is worth consideration.
*Giving more explanations about Education policies or previous/traditional school leaderships in China so that readers can have clearer understanding about the value of changes that transformational leadership brought.

# data[].attributes.body
Title: A Critical Analysis on Distributed Leadership

1.Assessment rubric
*Statement of a clear argument (6)
*Selection of relevant literature (7)
*Clear communication (7)
2. Strong points
*LR about a quite recent theory
*Solid and coherent arguments
*Well-constructed paragraphs
*Apply relevant literature
3.Suggestions for improvement
*Alice, what do you think about adding your own opinion/main idea about the distributed leadership explicitly? Or you can offer any background about why you choose this topic.