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I generally take an all or nothing approach...either try to go through every rabbit hole or not invest in trying to convince the other person.

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I get defensive - I feel it emotionally.  So a long deep breathe and focus on the positive.

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I tend to use self-depricating humor and play the "feel sorry for yourself mentality". My action plan is to not feel to use that as a mechanism and state my opinion strongly and openly.

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Instead of trying to flood the conversation with information to prove my point, I will pause to think before I speak.

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When I get defensive, I start to talk faster and louder, start to have racing thoughts and even start to feel hot.  When I start to feel that, I will slow down, recognize and acknowledge what I'm feeling and will surrender so I could listen to understand and ask questions in a neutral tone to understand their perspective.

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Withdrawal Into Deadly Silence: Remember to repeat what I've heard to confirm what was said. Avoid refusing to provide feedback (i.e., I'm just here to listen) when asked; rather than share how what was said affects me, acknowledge what was said, state appreciation for what was shared.

Wanting to be right: Thank the person for a different insight and perspective. Remember it's not important who is right but that there are different ways of seeing something.

Wanting the last word: Make sure to ask a question that will allow the conversation to shift back... and then remind myself to shut up.

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Seek to understand perspectives; listen without intending to respond; ask clarifying questions.

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When I'm getting defensive, I notice myself feeling 'triggered.'  My heart races a little, and I feel the need to overload the room with information to prove my point.  My action plan is going to be self-awareness of these toxic patterns, pausing to self-reflect, and trying to listen more and talk less. Also, I need to engage my curiosity and try to understand the why behind other people's comments or actions. A lot of time when I place myself in other's shoes, this brings me back to reality and helps with empathy.

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When I feel myself start to get defensive, in stead of retreating i will try to take a minute to gather my thoughts so that I can express my feelings more articulately.

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In preparation for a stable future, I have to lay a solid foundation today! I will not be scratching my head 20 years from now saying "how did I get here!".

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When I get defensive, I often will get rigid and be unwilling to truly listen to the other person or point being made. I find that this has become increasingly common over the last year or so, due to the divisiveness of our country.

My action plan includes recognizing that I am being defensive, and make a point to listen to hear, rather than to talk or argue. Even if I do not agree, I will try to understand where they are coming from.

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To be aware of my lack of listening in situations where I tend to be highly aware or sensitive and defensiveness could easily creep in.  Instead of talking, remind myself to listen most and talk when necessary.

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Be aware of my body language.
Remind myself to listen to understand.
State desire to understand better
Ask questions

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Pay closer attention to what triggers my defensiveness and stop, rethink and don't react.

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When I get defensive I notice that I will speak louder and more aggressively. I will fixate on the subject for hours. I describe my emotional mood as "heated" and lack compassion. My action plan is to recognize these behavioral traits and instead of fighting for my ideas or arguments to be heard, step back and find common ground with the other person or people to accept our differences.

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reading these helped me understand the wide variety signals of defensiveness that i might have misinterpreted... and therefore exacerbated all these years.

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reading these helped me understand the wide variety signals of defensiveness that i might have misinterpreted... and therefore exacerbated all these years.

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When I think my way is the right or only way, I will identify when my voice becomes shaky and I start talking fast. I will stop and make sure I listen to the persons entire plan/idea, tell them I need time to think it over, then respond only after more thoughtful consideration.

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Action Plan: Flooding with information to prove a point - I will pause and listen to hear instead of waiting to talk.

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Action Plan: Flooding with information to prove a point. 

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Action Plan: Flooding with information to prove a point. 

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I like the idea of starting the action plan before there is a conflict. I will think back on some of the scenarios where i was in conflict and started to rattle off more information than was needed and think about why it made it to that point and try to approach it in a different way. Taking some time to not say anything will help. In the moment, i feel that taking a short break from speaking will help and taking a deep breath. That time should be focused on tryin to listen better understand the other person.

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Action Plan: Withdrawal Into Deadly Silence - TO

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Action Plan: Withdrawal Into Deadly Silence - TO

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When I notice that I am retreating to silence, my action plan will be to keep the dialogue going and try to notice why I am silent. Noticing these situations will help me to not shut others out.

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When I feel myself becoming defensive, I notice my voice raises in volume and tend to ramble on in an attempt to prove my point.

My action plan is to be aware of my voice volume and lower it, practice mindful breathing, have a clear end to my point and then let the other person/s share their points of view.

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When I become defensive, I notice that my palms get really sweaty, I can't concentrate, I get very flustered, and usually results in me withdrawing or repeating what I can already said.
I feel like this year I have been in more conversations where I feel defensive, or the topic is tense (especially with friends). I tried the breathing action plan, and I still have a hard time focusing or realigning with the conversation.

This exercise made me realize that take a breath doesn't help me. Going forward, I am going to practice:
-recognize when I start to become defensive
-Turn phone off/DND and go for a walk, even if it around the house or stepping outside to feel the sun on my face
- Ask questions and clarify, understand where the other person is coming from
-Seek to communicated without getting emotional. If that doesn't work, ask if I can have more time to think it through.

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Action Plan: withdrawal into deadly silence 

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Action Plan: withdrawal into deadly silence 

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when I feel like I am withdrawing I will pause and take a deep breath, then walk through what is going on in my head, or request a time out to assess what is triggering me so I can better collaborate and move forward

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Take a deep breath; and actively listen. Repeat back to them what they said to give us both time to hear it again. Take another deep breath and listen again to their response without trying to formulate my response.

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It's powerful to think about feelings of defensiveness being related to specific fears about being insignificant, incompetent, or unlikable. My action step in the case of a wanting to be right would be to recognize the feeling, reflect on my purpose to contribute positively (without expectation of perfection), and listen for common ground and understanding.

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When I am in an argument with someone I always feel that I need to prove that I am right. I will google the fact and even if it is an hour later I will let the person know if I was correct or not.

My action plan:
1) take a step back and breathe
2) let the other person make their point on the subject
3) Realize if it really is worth spinning my wheels to prove the other person is wrong. Sometimes the person may be correct in their own way.

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When I become defensive, I notice an extra "zing" of energy - my heart rate accelerates, my palms sweat, my mind races, and I babble on and on and on.

My action plan is to slow it down:
1) Practice the pause, take a deep breath
2) Thank the other person or thing for their input
3) Ask if I could have some time to think it through

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When I become defensive I start to think about all the arguments I can come back with and I begin to invalidate that person.
My action plan:
-breathe
-stop and listen
-validate the other person

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When I become defensive, I notice my communication and actions are rigid, along with the outcome I'm trying to define. When I notice physical, mental, and emotional rigidity, I will
+ slow down and take a few deep breathes
+ ask understanding and open-ended questions
+ seek to communicate why I feel vulnerable and what I am trying to accomplish without emotion

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Tawsha Trahan If I feel a high charge of energy and wanting to be right, then I will take some deep breaths/stop talking, let others talk, and reengage when I'm more relaxed. 

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Tawsha Trahan If I feel a high charge of energy and wanting to be right, then I will take some deep breaths/stop talking, let others talk, and reengage when I'm more relaxed. 

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When I feel defensive as a result of feeling offended by something that was said or done, I will reflect on it and pause before speaking to make sure I am listening objectively to what that individual had to say.

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When I feel defensive as a result of feeling offended by something that was said or done, I will reflect on it and pause before speaking to make sure I am listening objectively to what that individual had to say.

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When I repeat a point I've already made -- an attempt to have the last word -- I'll remind myself that this comes from something within myself that I'm afraid of. I think this will help me stop feeling I need to argue and be able to listen better.

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When I start flooding with information to prove a point I will slow things down and try to make fewer points more clearly.

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When I recognize that I am going on the defensive (complete silence) I will take a deep breath and reengage by asking clarifying questions.