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Today I’m just really tired and I have no energy. My eyes are so sore and swollen from crying all night. I find myself very tired after crying. I end up sleeping almost the whole day. And that’s probably what I’m going to do now. My new school wasn’t good at all. I felt way more lost and alone. All my friends would easily  have made new friends if they were going to my school. I’m not okay or pretty looking. Instead of guys or anyone talking to me, I was ignored. Or made fun of. Choir was literally like a shaming group. I can’t do a whole hour of that. All the girls were mean to me. I felt like I was being made fun of. I never got to tell anyone the full story of my school experience. The whole week of that torn every little thing I had left of me. I could tell when I was trying to make up a conversation people would look at me weird or get this negative energy around me. Everyone was better than me. I wish I was pretty so that people would find me interesting. Where’s that one random boy who flirts with all the girls, lol jk. Yep even that guy knew I was too ugly. I sat alone for the whole week. The cafeteria is as big as my whole middle school, I’m not exaggerating. I’m scared of next year. There’s no friends or teachers to go to, and most of the school staff were mean to me. At least when I sleep, I can dream something decent to distract me. I’m just hoping it’s not a nightmare or something that’s repeated

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Hey, I’m still keeping myself alive. Everything  and everything that kept me motivated is all gone. I have to rely on myself now. I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s become too unbearable.

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I’ll start off by with, life really sucks. Right now, and for a constant week, I feel like I lost everything. All my friends, and my little bit of support I had. I been crying more than I use to cry. Every night and morning is a headache. I really am alone, it hurts so bad. I just want a hug. I want to die as well but I hope it’ll be better. If my whole life was a waste, I’ll regret not ending it sooner. Every time I cry my heart feels more worse the next morning. I love you guys so much, Mj, Gina, and chey. I hope everything’s going good for you all

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It hasn’t been getting any better. I been crying more than once a day and my heart heaves increasingly each day. I want to feel that warmth hug and know it’s going to be okay. But is it really?

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This morning my mother tells me to get out of the car. She drops me off by a walking post so I can walk to school. She didn’t say it , really, in a nice way. More of a “I hate you” attitude. Then she zooms off with anger. Every morning we fight before I head to school. Yeah she’s probably right it’s my fault for taking it negatively but really, I feel like she should know that being rude and giving rude comments or attitude makes me emotional. Wouldn’t anyone be emotional if they were yelled at? After school I thought maybe all would go well. I showed her my singing, and I guess we sang together. But another fight broke and it ended with me crying, alone, in a car. My grades too mean nothing to her, or that’s how I feel. I can say I have achieved getting all A’s but there be something my mother would still point out. Every opportunity I get like, getting a SAT head start in 7th, foreign language invite, and especially getting a invitation to a college medicine course, my mother would have an excuse to saying why I can’t go. Money, time, and my potential is always her go to excuse. It’s okay, I always tell myself that it was too good to be true, to begin with. I’m just hoping that our fights lessen

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I have a DBA today so yay! Lol. I’ll try to make this day positive because I know I need it. English is okay for me, but really I’m great at writing. I can never tell/text what I’m proud of to someone because I worry that I’ll make them insecure or down. But I think I’ll do great! I got this. Let’s see if today is different :)

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I hope your school year is going well. It’s not going so well for me. There’s barely anyone to talk to and I don’t fit in. I wish I was back in k12. Even though not many people talked to me in k12, the environment was different. I actually had fun learning. My grades are going so much better than I thought it would be. I knew if I wasn’t isolating myself in an online school, public school would’ve improved my grades so much. Which that’s what happened. I have all A’s. I struggle and I am diagnosed with major depression so it’s a huge struggle for me. I try to make others happy and make sure my choices don’t affect them so they have a better life than me. Wow I have never typed that out. I’m on the mental urge to break. I do break everyday but I try so hard to not persuade in a permanent choice. I always think maybe I’ll help someone maybe I will make a difference, but I know I don’t. I really hope you don’t read this but if you do, this is not for you to feel sympathy or put yourself down, I just need to talk to someone and I just thought I may stop by here. This does feel a lot better, better than journaling, because I know this post had some good and bad memories and maybe one day I can start new and finally make some good ones. Thank you. Take care and have an awesome school year and life ❤️

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Hey guys, I know you may not see this but, I want to wish all of you a fantastic school year this year. I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it for this year at k12. Take care everyone and know that I love all of you!

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sorry

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I just saw the school post Mj, I'm here!

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Im good thank you! :)

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good wbu?

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How are you? c:

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oh okay it's cool

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and is that Mj? why are you sorry?

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srry for the late reply

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Yeah I made a new one :)

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new padlet?