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Posted under Health Guides. Updated 11 February 2021. +Related Content

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Friendships are fun and make us feel special, but it’s also normal for friendships to be complicated and confusing sometimes. Choosing the right kinds of friends is important. Why do all of my friendships seem to be changing? Friendships often change over time, and that can be normal. Usually, frien…

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Friendship Issues

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The only safe sex is no sex, most health care providers say. But certain precautions and safe behaviors can minimize a person's risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

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Developing Healthy Relationships in Adolescence | Adolescent Counseling Services

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Developing Healthy Relationships in Adolescence

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A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave. This plan includes vital information tailored to your unique situation and will help you prepare for and respond to different scenarios, including telling your friends and family about your situation, coping with emotions, and various resources suited to your individual circumstances.

Some of the preparations for a safety plan might seem obvious, but it can be hard to think clearly or make logical decisions during moments of crisis. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you protect yourself and others in high-stress situations.

Our safety planning resources outline important information to keep in mind while creating a safety plan. It may be useful for survivors, friends, family members, or others - anyone concerned about their safety or the safety of someone else.

Contact us 24/7 to have a highly-trained advocate help you prepare your personalized safety plan.

Note: Some of this information is adapted from the National Center for Victims of Crime ©1998 . The information may be freely distributed, provided that it is distributed free of charge, in its entirety and includes this copyright notice.

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A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave. This plan includes vital information tailored to your unique situation and will help you prepare for and respond to different scenarios, including telling your friends and family about your situation, coping with emotions, and various resources suited to your individual circumstances.

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So, you've realised that there are some parts of a particular friendship that are toxic and make you feel like crap. But none of us like the idea of losing a friend, and some people deserve a second chance, so it's worth trying to talk it out with them.

Remember that you don't deserve to be treated badly, especially by a friend, and that it's not okay for them to act like this. If you're unsure whether your friendship is toxic, check out this quiz to help you figure it out.

Get your head around the situation

How do you feel and what do you want?

Getting your head around what's going on will help you to identify what you want and decide what to do next. Try writing your thoughts down to help make things clearer.

What don't you like about how your friend treats you? How does it make you feel?

Do you like being friends with this person?

Would you just like the behaviour to stop, or would you like an apology, too?

Do you think your friend will change if you tell them how you're feeling?

It's possible that your friend actually doesn't know that the way they're treating you is hurtful. For example, if they're not replying to your messages and it seems like they're ignoring you, they could just be busy or may have just forgotten to reply.

Do you think your friend is intentionally trying to hurt you or put you down? Do you think they would stop or change what they're doing if you let them know that it's hurting you?

You could try talking to a family member or trusted adult to get another perspective.

Think about your own behaviour

Figure out what you can and can't control

When it feels like someone is intentionally being hurtful, it's easy to get caught up in focusing on them. You might spend a lot of time flipping through your memories of them, scrolling through their social media, or asking other friends and family about them.

It takes a lot of energy to think so much about someone whose actions you can't change. Read more about learning to accept things that are out of your control.

Instead of honing in on your friend's actions ( focusing on the other person), you could think about how you want to respond to specific behaviours ( focusing on yourself). It might look like this:

Focusing on the other person: She's a crap friend because she sends me mean texts.

Focusing on yourself: I'll set boundaries when others say rude things to me. I don't deserve to be treated like that.

Having these principles and boundaries for yourself about how you act in your relationships is a helpful way to shift your focus back to what you can do, rather than what you can't.

Are you being respectful?

Something to be mindful of is that when standing up to your friend about their behaviour, it's possible that you could be showing some toxic behaviours yourself. Watching out for this can help you to avoid it. For example:

DO: ignore mean texts from your friend.
DON'T: intentionally leave your friend out of group chats.

DO: avoid or reduce contact with someone who isn't treating you well.
DON'T: encourage mutual friends to leave them out.

DO: talk about friendship issues with other friends, if you need to get another opinion.
DON'T: spread rumours about them.

DO: stand up to someone who isn't treating you well.
DON'T: insult them or call them names.

Handle things when they happen

It can feel pretty hard to call someone out for their behaviour. However, if you do it politely and respectfully, this can be a super-effective way to establish boundaries and maybe even improve your friendship. For example, if they:

send you a hurtful text or post - tell them: 'That was uncalled-for.'

talk about you behind your back or spread rumours - say: 'You don't have to like me all the time, but it's not nice to talk about me behind my back.'

ask you to do something you don't want to - say: 'No, I'm not comfortable with that.'

post a photo/video of you without your permission or tag you in something rude - DM them and ask them to remove it.

call you names, insult you or shut you down - say: 'Do you mind not doing that?'

ignore you - ask them: 'Is everything okay?'

If you're nervous about saying something right away, you could send them a text later.

Have a conversation

If speaking up when specific things happen doesn't work, or you think that there's a bigger issue, try having a conversation with your friend. While it can be scary, having a direct and open discussion can let you air things out with your friend and express your thoughts. Being open and honest will also help to avoid involving other people and escalating things.

Learn how to talk to your friend about friendship issues here.

Set new boundaries

After talking to your friend, you might consider setting some boundaries. They could be specific ones or left vague, depending on what you need.

Reduce contact

If some of the negative behaviour is happening over text, an easy boundary to set is to let your friend know that you can't text them as much as you used to because it's affecting your performance at school, uni or work.

If you just want to take a step back in general, then you might not have a specific boundary in mind, and that's okay. You could let your friend know that while you still want to hang out, you can't do it as much as you used to because other stuff in your life is taking up more of your time.

Take a break

You might also ask to have a break from the friendship. Try saying, 'I've got a lot going on at the moment and won't be able to stay in touch for a few weeks.' This will give you time to figure things out.

If you go to the same school, don't feel pressured to stop and chat to them when you see them. You don't have to be hostile or create drama, but you don't have to buddy up either - a smile-and-nod approach might work. It's bound to be awkward at first - let yourself feel those feelings. Try to make peace with the situation and know that it will be okay soon.

What next?

It takes a lot of strength to stand up for yourself and approach your mate to talk about how their behaviour makes you feel. If these strategies don't work, don't think you have failed. Check back in with the person if they don't stop. If they still aren't respecting what you've told them, or they refuse to have a direct conversation, then it could be time to think about ending this toxic friendship.

While this is all happening, remember that you don't deserve any of it. 5 ways to look after yourself by spending time with trusted friends and family members, and put some time aside to do things you love.

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So, you've realised that there are some parts of a particular friendship that are toxic and make you feel like crap. But none of us like the idea of losing a friend, and some people deserve a second chance, so it's worth trying to talk it out with them.

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by Karen Young

Even if toxic people came with a warning tattooed on their skin, they might still be difficult to avoid. We can always decide who we allow close to us but it's not always that easy to cut out the toxics from other parts of our lives. They might be colleagues, bosses, in-laws, step-someones, family, co-parents ... and the list goes on.

We live our lives in groups and unless we're willing to go it alone - work alone, live alone, be alone (which is sometimes tempting, but comes with its own costs) - we're going to cross paths with those we would rather cross out.

With any discussion of toxic people, it's important to understand that you can't change anybody, so it's best to stop trying. Save your energy for something easier, like world peace. Or landing on a star. The thing is though, when you do something differently, things can't help but change for you. If it's not the people in your radar, it will be their impact on you.

[bctt tweet="Personal power is everything to do with what you believe - and nothing to do with what they think."]

Co-existing with toxics means going around them to set your own rules, then accepting that you don't need them to respect those rules to claim your power. Here are some powerful, practical ways to do that:

1. Be empowered by your motives.

Sometimes toxic people will trap you like a hunted thing - you know you don't have to give in to them but you also know that there will be consequences if you don't. The secret is to make your decision from a position of power, rather than feeling controlled. In the same way there is something they want from you, there will always be something you want from them (even if it is to avoid more of their toxicity). Decide that you're doing what you're doing to control them and their behaviour - not because you're a victim of their manipulation. Personal power is everything to do with what you believe and nothing to do with what they think.

2. Understand why they're seeing what they see in you.

Toxic people will always see in others what they don't want to acknowledge about themselves. It's called projection. You could be the kindest, most generous, hardest working person on the planet and toxic people will turn themselves inside out trying to convince you that you're a liar, unfair, nasty or a slacker. See it for what it is. You know the truth, even if they never will.

3. They might get worse before they leave you alone.

Think of it like this. Take a little human who is throwing a tantrum. When you stand strong and don't give in, they'll go harder for a while. We all have a tendency to do that - when something we're doing stops working, we'll do it more before we stop. Toxic people are no different. If they've found a way to control and manipulate you and it stops working, they'll do more of whatever used to work before they back off and find themselves another target. Don't take their escalation as a stop sign. Take it as a sign that what you're doing is teaching them that they're old behaviour won't work anymore. Keep going and give them time to be convinced that you're not going around on that decision you've made to shut them down.

[irp posts="1086″ name="Teaching Kids How To Set & Protect Their Boundaries (And Keep Toxic People Out)"]

4. Be clear about your boundaries.

You can't please everyone, but toxic people will have you believing that you can't please anyone - so you try harder, work harder, compromise more. It's exhausting. Toxic people will have your boundary torn down and buried before you even realise you had one there. By knowing exactly what you'll tolerate and what you won't - and why - you can decide how far you're willing to let someone encroach on your boundaries before it's just not worth it any more. Be ready to listen to that voice inside you that lets you know when something isn't right. It's powerful and rarely wrong (if ever). Whether someone else thinks it's right or wrong doesn't matter. What matters is whether it's right or wrong for you. Let that guide your response and when you can, who's in and who's out.

5. You don't have to help them through every crisis.

The reason that toxic people are often in crisis is because they are masterful at creating them. It's what they do - draw breath and create drama. You'll be called on at any sign of a crisis for sympathy, attention and support, but you don't have to run to their side. Teach them that you won't be a part of the pity party by being unemotional, inattentive, and indifferent to the crisis. Don't ask questions and don't offer help. It might feel bad because it's not your normal way, but remember that you're not dealing with a normal person.

6. You don't need to explain.

No is a complete sentence and one of the most powerful words in any language. You don't need to explain, justify or make excuses. 'No' is the guardian at your front gate that makes sure the contamination from toxic people doesn't get through to you.

7. Don't judge.

Be understanding, compassionate, kind and respectful - but be all of them to yourself first. You can reject behaviour, requests and people without turning yourself into someone you wouldn't like to be with. Strength and compassion can exist beautifully together at the edge of your boundaries. It will be always easier to feel okay about putting up a boundary if you haven't hurt someone else in the process.

8. Own your strengths and your weaknesses.

We are all a messy, beautiful, brilliant work in progress. Once you are aware of your flaws, nobody can use them against you. Toxic people will work hard to play up your flaws and play down your strengths - it's how they get their power. If you're able to own your strengths and weaknesses, what they think won't matter - because you'll know that your strengths are more than enough to make your flaws not matter, or at the very least, to make them yesterday's news.

[irp posts="793″ name="Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them"]

9. Don't expect change.

You can't reason with toxic people - you just can't. That's one of the things that makes them toxic. Decide where you stand, and then stand strong. You don't need to do any more than that. They will try to make you bend, flex and break at the seams. Because you have an open heart, the thought that someone might misunderstand you, disapprove of you or dislike you might get to you, but remember that you're not dealing with someone who is motivated by what's good for you or your relationship. It's always about them and it always will be. Decide that sometimes you're going to make it about you. It's what you deserve.

10. Choose your battles wisely.

Dealing with toxic people takes an enormous amount of energy. You don't have to step up to every battle you're called to. For many toxic people, conflict is the only way they can connect. It's the way they feel alive, noticed and important. Save your energy for the people who matter.

11. Don't be the victim.

People can be a pity sometimes, but you're not one of those. Decide that you won't be anyone's victim. Instead, be the one with the boundaries, the strength, the smarts and the power to make the decisions that will help you to thrive. Even if they're decisions you'd rather not be making, own that it's a move you've made to get what you want, rather than to bend to someone else's will. You're amazing, you're strong and you're powerful - which is why you're nobody's victim. Nobody's.

12. Focus on the solution rather than the problem.

Toxic people will have you bending over backwards and tied with a barbed wire ribbon to keep you there. What will keep you stuck is playing over and over in your head the vastness of their screwed up behaviour. It will keep you angry, sad and disempowered. If you have to make a decision that you'd rather not make, focus on the mess that's it's cleaning up, not the person who is making your life hell. Don't focus on their negative behaviour - there's just too much there to focus on and it will never make sense to you anyway.

13. Surround yourself with people who will give as much as you do.

You might not have as much freedom in certain parts of your life to decide who's in and who's out but when it comes to the ones you open your heart to, you absolutely have the choice. Choose wisely and don't be afraid to let them know what they mean to you.

14. Forgive - but don't forget.

Forgiveness is about letting go of expecting things to be different. You'll never be able to control the past but you can control how much power it has to impact your future. Forgiveness doesn't mean accepting the behaviour or approving of it - it means that you're not going to be controlled by it any more. It's something done in strength and with an abundance of self-love. Don't forget the way people treat you - for better or worse - and use that to help you live with clarity and resolve.

[irp posts="1021″ name="The Rules for Being Human"]

15. Understand the cycle.

There is a pattern many toxic people follow. First they're charming. This is when they'll get you. They'll be attentive, loving and impressive - but all of it will be to get you into position. Next, when they have your trust you'll start to see the cracks. There will be mounting demands and a rising pull on your emotional resources. Then there will be the crisis - the test. You'll feel stuck - whether or not you give them what they want, you'll feel compromised. Finally, you'll do what they want - because you don't want to be 'unreasonable' or cause more drama - and then they're back to charming you and giving you just enough of what you need to make you stay. The problem is that this never lasts for long and always comes at a cost. Be aware of the cycle and use it to build your boundaries on an even more solid foundation. If you can't get out of the relationship, know that you're not staying because you've allowed yourself to be fooled or blindsided, but because you have your eyes on something bigger that you need.

16. You don't need their approval. You really don't.

Don't look for their approval or their appreciation - you won't get it unless it comes with conditions, all of which will dampen you. You'll constantly feel drained because they'll draw on your open heart, your emotional generosity, your reasonableness, your compassion and your humanity - and they will give absolutely nothing back. Give what you need to, but don't give any more than that in the hope of getting something back. There will never be any more than minimal, and even that will come with conditions. Whatever you do, know why you're doing what you're doing and make sure the reasons are good enough.

The world is full of people whose behaviour is breathtakingly damaging. That doesn't mean that we have to open ourselves up to the damage. The secret to living well means living deliberately. Knowing the signs of toxic behaviour and responding deliberately and in full clarity to toxic people will reduce their impact and allow you to keep yourself whole and empowered - and you'll always deserve that.

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Toxic People: 16 Practical, Powerful Ways to Deal With Them - Hey Sigmund

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by Karen Young Even if toxic people came with a warning tattooed on their skin, they might still be difficult to avoid. We can always decide who we allow close to us but it's not always that easy to cut out the toxics from other parts of our lives.

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Abuse in LGBTQ Relationships

Anyone can experience abuse in their relationships and LGBTQ relationships are no different. Statistics show that relationship abuse occurs at the same rates, and sometimes higher rates due to barriers to support, in LGBTQ relationships when compared to relationships that are not LGBTQ.

LGBTQ teens experience dating abuse more frequently than teens who do identify as LGBTQ. (Urban Institute)

In addition to common warning signs, there may be other signs present in LQBTQ relationships that indicate that a relationship is unhealthy or abusive:

Pressuring someone to be "out" or threatening to "out" them to other people

Using a person's identity, orientation, expression to make them feel inferior or like they deserve the abuse

Telling someone their identity isn't real, or that they aren't a "real" man or woman

Restricting a person's access to medication and affirming care (ex: hormones, counseling, birth control, PrEP/PEP)

Denying abuse based on the false belief that abuse only happens between a man and a woman

Barriers to Support

It can be challenging for anyone to seek help during or after an abusive relationship, but there can be additional obstacles for people who identify as LGBTQ. Shame, homophobia/transphobia/heterosexism, or the fear of being outed may keep someone from seeking support. There may be a fear of not being taken seriously because of the belief that dating/domestic violence does not occur in LGBTQ relationships or that the relationship isn't a "real" relationship. Abusive partners can take advantage of these additional barriers to further the abuse happening in the relationship.

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Relationships are as different as the people in them. The same goes for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) relationships. There are qualities all healthy relationships should have and abuse is never one of them. No matter who you love or how you identify, everyone deserves a safe and healthy relationship.

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This post is all about date ideas for teens.

Let's be real, it is not easy to come up with date ideas for teens. From finding an idea that isn't awkward to making sure it doesn't cost a lot money, you're pretty limited on ideas.

Don't worry though, we've come up with some really genius date ideas for teens.

Whether you are just going out on a casual date with someone you have a "thing" with or are celebrating your 6-month anniversary, this post will give you ideas for the best date ever.
This post shows you 32 insanely fun date ideas for teens.
Fun Date Ideas for Teens:

1. Head to an Amusement Park

Who doesn't love amusement parks?

We know amusement parks can be expensive, so we recommend checking out places like Groupon for deals. This can really cut down on costs and make for a really fun date idea.

If you are the type of person who loves to get out, then this date is for you!

Bowling is fun year round and is the perfect teenage date ideas for winter. Plus, it gives you something to consistently do so there isn't a lot of time for any awkward silence.

Did you know?? If you are nervous for a first date then make the date in a public more crowded place where there is less of a chance to have awkward silence.

3. Get Ice Cream Together

Here at BSL, we LOVE cheap date ideas. The cheaper, the better (at least in this phase of our lives ?).

This idea is such a cute date idea while being super inexpensive.

Concerts are SO fun and make for an extra special date night.

This date idea is great for 18 year olds because typically you will have a job which means money to go to a concert. When I was 18, concert dates were really popular.

My boyfriend and I love to work out together because we are really multi-tasking. Working out and hanging out...win-win.

This date idea may be a little more awkward if you two haven't been together a long time.

Heading to the local city and window shopping is a really fun way to get out and explore.

14.Cheer on a Friend at a Sports Game

This is hands down one of the easiest date idea for teens that is FREE!

When it comes to free date ideas for teens, a sports game for your school is always a good idea.

Picnics are one of the best cheap date ideas for teens because odds are there is somewhere around you that has a nice view. You can easily pick up lunch, or even pack food from your house!

This is such an adorable first date idea for teens or even just a date for anyone.

I feel like this idea is very fun for teens!

This is a really fun double-date idea for you and another couple because you can each pitch in to buy food.

Mini-golfing is another one of those classic first date ideas.

This can be a cute idea to get to know someone or have a casual night.

Water parks are the "IT" summer date ideas as a teen because you can cool off but it also gives you something to get out of the house and do.

Water parks tend to run specials so if you have some allowance or some money to play with then this idea is great.

In just about every school there are school dances. I remember getting so excited to go to school dances especially with a date.

Can you really go wrong with a good old walk?

I think walks are such a good date idea for teens under 16 because lets be real... you can't drive, and I doubt you have much of a date fund. Plus, the best conversations come up when you're on walks.

22. Go to a Community Pool

Do I even need to explain this one? You've probably grown up going to a local pool but having a date there adds a fun new dimension.

Who doesn't love food?!

A great way to keep a date simple and cheap is to just grab a bite to eat with your date.

Stop by a local sub shop, or a local food place that may even offer deals for students! When it comes to first date ideas for teens this is one of the most used date idea.

PS! A lot of places are starting to have Food Truck Fairs. This would be a really fun date idea!

Game nights can be super fun for a group of teenage couples who are looking for a free date idea!

I like this idea because it gets you and your crush together while also being fun and cost efficient.

26. Go to a Free Beach in the Area

Okay, I am OBSESSED with the beach!

If you are fortunate enough to have a local beach near you, then this is great idea for a date!

Does your town have festivals or fairs that you could go too?

You would be surprised with the amount of events towns usually organize throughout the year.

Okay, you may not be a coffee fan. I sure wasn't yet in high school. But, I still loved going on "coffee" dates. I could get a really good non-coffee drink and sit with my date and talk about random things.

30. Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen

Ice skating is another one of the places that offer student deals, which is perfect for a teen going on a date!

A lot of teens have no idea what to do being so young, and this is a fun date idea that can be cheap.

32. Visit the Local Animal Shelter

Who doesn't like going to the local animal shelter and seeing all the cute animals there?!

This is something that I love to do on dates but even with my friends too.

This post showed you the best date ideas for teens.

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32 Insanely Fun Date Ideas For Teens - By Sophia Lee

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This post is all about date ideas for teens. Let's be real, it is not easy to come up with date ideas for teens. From finding an idea that isn't awkward to making sure it doesn't cost a lot money, you're pretty limited on ideas.

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Looking for fun date ideas for teens? Here are 30 perfect date ideas for teens that are cheap, creative, and easy to do!

30 Date Ideas for Teens

Hey, teenagers - welcome to dating! I had so much fun dating as a teenager. In high school, I helped prepare a lot of school dances and had a blast going with my friends to them. I still think the most fun part of those dances were the day dates that preceded before them!

However, the fun in dating didn't only happen at dances. We went out other times of the year on fun, casual dates and had more fun without all the dance pressure. It just took finding fun date ideas for teens to make them happen!

Dating is a tool that helps with more than just building a romantic relationship with a significant other: it's a great opportunity to get to know people and make new friends. It's a great way to create unforgettable memories with your friends when you make it a group affair.

In addition to having fun (or at least laughable stories later), it teaches you how to communicate, what attributes you value in your future spouse, as well as growing yourself and making yourself better in relationships. So why only "hang out?"

You don't just have to use the school dance as an excuse to take somebody cool or somebody you like out: Whether you're reading to go on formal dates, group dates, or just need some new activities for you and your friends to do, this list date ideas for teens will help make dates affordable, low-key, and a lot of fun.

Teenage date ideas

1. Rock Climbing at a Recreation Center. Rock gyms can usually cost a lot - but there are often recreation centers that will have a wall to climb too. There's a recreation center in our area that is half the charge of a rock gym! This is a great, paired-off date that is also fun and low-key.

2. Hit Up the Mall. Yeah, this is probably a teenage date cliche, but it's a cliche for a very good reason: there's plenty of shops to peruse - from clothing to game stores, a price-conscious food court, and rides and activities occurring in the halls. This date idea gives a lot of insight into what your date is interested in based on where they wander to.

3. Arcade Games. Dig up all the quarters and dollar bills in your couch and bags and take it to your local arcade with your date.
Good Date Ideas for Teens

4. Bring the Fancy to a Fast-Food Restaurant. We love this date idea for teenagers because it's a super creative and exciting date. Here's how it works: grab candles, a tablecloth, fancy silverware and plates (optional), get you and your date to dress "super extra," then set it up and order at your favorite fast food chain of your choice. Enjoy!

5. Take advantage of the season outside: sled in the snow, rake leaves and jump in them, go lake jumping, visit a botanical garden. The seasons are a beautiful thing - and often a very affordable date idea to enjoy too. Look up seasonal date ideas and take advantage of them.

6. Picnic. Another classic date that's great for teenagers and everyone alike. Bring sandwiches and some homemade treats to make it free, and add some candles or special lighting to make it romantic.

Best Budget Dates for Teens

Saving money for college, can't find a weekend job, or possibly helping your family? These budget-friendly date ideas are great options for teenagers who don't have an expendable income but still want to go out on dates.

1. Skating in the Park. Whether you have some skateboards or longboards, rollerblades, or bikes, the park is always a best budget date for teens because the park is free.

2. Host a Group Game Night. Group dates are so much fun as a teenager because it involves your friends and keeps the pace of the date interesting and fun. Finding good icebreaker games or ridiculous games will keep you and your friends laughing for weeks to follow.

3. Bake Cookies Together. Or brownies, or cinnamon rolls, or a cake mix - your choice. Baking together is the perfect pace for a date - time to work together and follow a structured recipe and time to sit and chat. Bonus, too: it'll help sharpen your baking skills for the long haul and not break the bank.

4. Hammock at the Park. Notice a pattern here? Parks are a great location for dates for teenagers because it's a free venue that you can do a lot of different activities in. Relax and unwind by setting up easy.

5. Dollar Movie. These theatres are great for getting a similar movie-going experience in a date without hurting your paycheck. We also recommend sneaking in your own treats to get further with your dollar.

6. Themed Group Dinner and Activity Night. Harry Potter, Star Wars, 007 Casino Royale, Stranger Things... Pick a theme and base all your attire, food and activities around it. A little Google or Pinterest will help you shape this date. Invite friends to contribute - this will be a date you all won't forget!

7. Go Geocaching / Have a Scavenger Hunt. Websites and apps will share coordinates in your area, and you and your date from there can hunt for and find fun surprises from other geocachers! Also, bring something to timestamp your date with a special someone.

Great Dating Ideas for Teenagers

Make it a group date! Here are great dating ideas for teenagers where the saying, "the more, the merrier" truly applies.

1. Movie / Video Party. Another group date night, throw in the latest hit, some cult-hit you all love, or a golden oldie, pop some popcorn and have a laid-back good time with your friends and your date!

2. Make a Music Video. Have you seen a music video recently that just looks ridiculously fun? Or maybe you think you have better ideas for a favorite tune? Get your friends together

3. Host a Murder Mystery Night. If you have any friends or a date with a flair for the theatrics, you'll have some extra fun with this date idea. There's plenty of free murder mystery packs online to use as well.

4. Have a Dancing Game Night. Just Dance? Dance Dance Revolution? Everybody Dance? Whatever version is accessible to you, get moving with your date and have an easy, super fun time dancing together. No instructions needed.

5. Water Fight. With the weather permitting, fill up some balloons and buckets of water and take it to a park that might have some dry patches in need of some TLC. This is another great option to invite friends to bring a date.

6. Park BBQ and Frisbee / Football / Soccer. Take to the field and make the park field a casual game. Or if your date isn't the sporty type, join them in grilling duty.

7. Go to Thrift Store and Dress Each Other Up. Thrift stores are hilarious ways to dress you and your date up in something ridiculous. It's a great teen activity that also ends up as a cheap purchase if you find something you really like!

8. Visit a Museum on a Free Day. This requires a little homework, but if you play your cards right, often there's a museum, exhibit, or gallery that will show to the public for free - often the First Friday of the month. Consult your town's parks and recreation calendar or Facebook events for inspiration.

9. Play the 007 Game. Have you heard of this game? This is a fun one to pull in a quieter, safer neighborhood. Here's how it works: there's a driver and there are people on foot. The people on foot need to get to a predetermined destination without the driver catching them. When caught, the running person jumps in the car and helps the driver. To make this a date, pair off (meaning you can't go anywhere without your date, plus this is much safer to do).

High School Date Ideas for Teens

Your high school is a hub full of potential date ideas - take advantage of events on your campus as well as that recent drivers license and let's have some fun!

1. Go to a High School Sports Game. Football, basketball, volleyball, baseball, soccer, there seems to always be a game you can bring a date to! This is also a great idea if you want to support any of your friends on the team or if you want to go to another high school's to avoid gossip.

2. Go for a Hike. Whether your date is super sporty and wants to scour a mountain or your date is a little on the lighter side, there's always a trail for your comfort level. And it's hard to beat those views.

3. Ice Skating. If you're looking for an excuse to hold hands with your date, this is a perfect date idea. Whether it's an indoor or an outdoor rink, it's easy to find ice skating year round.

4. Bowling. This fun teen date idea always makes us feel nostalgic for a time long before us. Bowling always seems to be the iconic date activity in TV and movies, time to recreate it yourself!

5. Midnight IHOP Breakfast Food Run. The later you can go out with your date and your friends, the better, right? This date idea is great if your weekend plans mostly include sleeping in. Getting midnight pancakes is something you and your date won't forget.

6. Play Racquetball. Many high schools have free-to-play racquetball courts in the evenings and weekends. Ask friends, family, or neighbors for a racquet and balls and take advantage of this low-key, high-fun sport.

7. Visit a High School Production: Know a school has an exciting spring musical? Or maybe it's a music concert you know you and your date will just love. High school productions are the best budget way to get a cultural date, plus you can support your friends in their endeavors. If it's a first date or somebody new and you don't want to spread school gossip, go to another high school's production.

8. Attend a Non-Sports, Non-Fine-Arts School Event. There's a lot of other clubs and organizations in high school beyond your local theatre or sports team, to name a few that have things you can go out and support your friends in: Speech and Debate competitions, Academic Decathlon, Model UN, FFA Shows, club service projects, the list goes one! We're guessing your student council plans a couple events a year too - like Homecoming Week parades, etc... Take advantage of these while you're still in school - they're free or cheap date ideas!

Anything we miss you feel like we should add? Comment below!

Like these date ideas for teens? You may like these date night ideas too:
52 Completely Free Date Ideas to Do this Year 40 Cute Date Ideas Date Ideas Phoenix: The Best Phoenix Arizona Date Night Ideas 101 Date Ideas

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Date Ideas for Teens - Friday We're in Love

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Looking for fun date ideas for teens? Here are 30 perfect date ideas for teens that are cheap, creative, and easy to do! Hey, teenagers - welcome to dating! I had so much fun dating as a teenager. In high school, I helped prepare a lot of school dances and had a blast going with my friends to them.

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Whether you are sixteen or the parent of one, the world of teen dating is filled with many successes and failures. As children grow and mature into their adult bodies, their interests may turn to dating - this can be a rough transition for teens and parents alike.

Friends

Creating strong friendships is the first step toward a healthy teen dating life. As a teen, your friends will largely affect your self-esteem and enjoyment. Make sure there is always a balance between your time with your friends and your time with your date when you begin to explore dating. Don't waste all your energy on a new boy or girlfriend, only to have the relationship explode and you quickly notice you no longer have anyone to call and complain too.

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Trust Your Intuition

Along with friends for comfort and support, also comes the peer pressure naturally found in all teens' lives. As you begin to explore a variety of relationships in your teens, try to listen to your inner voice, instead of the loud voices of your circle of friends. It can be hard to tone down the pressure teens feel in today's world, so before you make any decisions about who to date or how to behave, quiet down those outside voices. Take a silent walk alone or write in a journal. Your inner voice will know the right choices for you; just take the time to listen.

Know Yourself

With all the conflicting messages in teens' lives, it can be hard to know what they want when it comes to dating and relationships. As a young teen, take some time to get to know yourself before you start dating. Join a variety of activities and explore your own interests. Not only will this make you more interesting as a date, but it will also help you appreciate the types of people you want intimately involved in your life.

Don't Rush

Instead of feeling pressure to move quickly into an intimate relationship, recognize that rates of sexual activity among teens have been steadily decreasing in the last 20 years. That means that any justification that "everyone else is doing it" simply isn't true.

Teen Dating Fun

When you are young, dating should be a fun activity. There is ample time in the future for more serious relationships. Many teens feel they need to have a boy or girlfriend, but what is really most important is learning to build healthy relationships. Utilize this youthful time to explore a variety of healthy attachments, including family, friends, and dating. Your experiences now set the stage for developing love and secure relationships as you grow and mature.

Before Dating Begins

Okay, you have felt the spark and you know this person must be the one for you. What do you do? Well, it may sound a bit tedious but take out a pen and paper first. Before asking anyone out on that first date, create a list of the qualifications that you require in a respectable girl or boyfriend. Be specific and list both the things that are the should have's and the ones that are the should have not's. While analyzing a possible date, also think about what you have to offer to a potential new friend.

The First Date

Once you have a good understanding of the type of person that would be the best for you, start planning that first date. Even before you have asked anyone out or been asked out, it is important to structure some basic plans. Going on a date involves some risk and planning, so the more you accomplish ahead of time, the better. Talk to your parents about rules and expectations, decide where and when you would like to out, and try to create some casual connections before taking the first big date alone together.

Love vs. Lust

There are many types of love: compassion for others, strong friendships or family connections. Teen love involves finding someone who you are attracted to who understands and appreciates you. Lust is a quick, intense physical attraction. Teen lust is sexual and driven by hormones. While it a normal physiological part of growing up, it can be very powerful and confusing.

Feeling Emotional

It can be hard to tell the difference between love and lust as a teen. This complicates the teen dating scene significantly. Keeping a healthy perspective and appreciating that these emotions are significant and real will help facilitate the process. As a teen, allow yourself to feel these varying emotions but find healthy outlets for them. Savor your ability to learn control as it will benefit you in all aspects of your life as you leave your teen years.

Teen Dating Tips

Communication is essential in all dating. Don't make assumptions and avoid gossip.

Make it clear whether your relationships are exclusive or casual.

If you get turned down or rejected, don't waste time on it - move on.

Before asking anyone new out, get to know them a little first. It will make it easier to know what their answer might be.

For Parents

Even before your children develop into teens, take some time to create family rules around teen dating and relationships. There is no true standard; the rules will vary by the values and traditions of different households. The important step is to make sure you have the rules clearly in place. Some concepts to consider are:

Decide an age when your child can start to date -the average age when teens start dating one-on-one is around 16.

You may choose to allow group dating arrangements before allowing one-on-one dating.

Provide advice on how to behave on a date; a frank discussion about consent is a good idea before the teen starts dating.

Specify beforehand where they are allowed to go on the date. Safe, well-populated locations are best.

Curfews are important and expectations should be set, with consequences for a late arrival home.

Set clear rules about being home alone with a date, or being behind closed doors.

Internet restrictions and possible monitoring are important for those teens engaging in dating online.

Talk About Sex

Along with discussions about dating rules, it is important to revisit conversations about sex. Even if you have explained this process before, have that sex talk again. Realize that they know more than you think. While as parents we might feel anxious about this type of conversation with our maturing child, having a teen pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease is far worse. Don't rely on the schools to teach your teens about sexual relationships. Sex education in schools tends to be more scientific and biological in order to remain politically correct. Their friends have a strong influence on their sexual information, and you can explain it far more accurately than any of their peers.

A Fun Learning Experience

Teens not only enjoy dating, but it's actually an excellent learning experience. It's likely they will have many more relationships in adulthood (the average age for meeting your spouse is 27) and the lessons they learn while dating as a teen about setting boundaries and having mutual respect in a relationship will serve them well later in life.

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Whether you are sixteen or the parent of one, the world of teen dating is filled with many successes and failures. As children grow and mature into their adult bodies, their interests may turn to dating - this can be a rough transition for teens and parents alike.

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10 Things for Boys to Keep in Mind About Dating | All Pro Dad

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A friend of mine used to give teenage girls this piece of dating advice: guys aren't ripe to date until they're 25 years old. I thought it was a bit extreme and harsh toward the boys. However, it certainly made those girls think before allowing their hearts to be swept off of their feet by a teenage boy only to be hurt deeply later.

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Dating and daughters... it's a delicate subject, especially between moms and our girls. Just the thought of our daughters being in the game can make us feel like throwing up in our mouth. And just the mention of it to our girls can make them feel like slamming doors in our face because they're sure they know it all.

So it's a tricky one, this whole relationship thing. Because, as women who have already played the game when we were young, we want to save our daughters from the heartbreak and perils of dating, and they want us to butt the @$&! out. And therein lies the challenge.

As moms we need to give our girls the knowledge to navigate relationships in a way that respects their boundaries, but also ensures that they have all the tools they need to avoid getting hurt. And that's not exactly easy, but it is doable. Because all it takes is prioritizing the super-important stuff and reinforcing it over and over and over again (with our fingers crossed behind our backs that they're listening).

See, imparting wisdom is just what we do as moms, because there's so much we need our daughters to know and remember and do. And even though we wish they'd just let us ride shotgun on every date and be part of every relationship decision, that's straight up never gonna happen.

So, we do the next best thing, which is to talk all the talk and give our girls as much of our knowledge as we can before they ever even leave the house. We distill all the important dos and don'ts and basically pass down our own personal field guide for how to survive in the dating world.

And while the list of advice we want to give our daughters could go on forever, there are some highlights that show up pretty regularly on every mom's list, including mine:

Essential Dating Advice for Teenage Girls

1. First and foremost, be yourself. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Be authentic to who you are so there's zero confusion about who you are as a person.

2. Set boundaries so you don't do something you're not ready to do.

3. Stay away from drama. No one wants to be caught in the middle of a stressful, dramatic situation, so keep things open and honest.

4. Never give up your independence. Make sure you're as good being on your own as you are being together.

5. Don't compromisewho you are or what you want, no matter what.

6. You're going to get your heart broken, but the pain won't last forever. And while it may take a while for the hurt to fade, time really does heal most wounds of the heart.

7. Make sure the person you're with is bringing out the best in you.

8. Breakups suck, but they'll show you what kind of a person you want to be with and the kind you want to avoid.

9. Don't have sex until you're ready. You get to decide the pace that works for you, so don't ever let anyone pressure you into doing something you're not ok with.

10. Never compare anyone to your ex, it's just bad form. Plus, no two people are the same, so comparing is a waste of time.

11. Show gratitude when your partner does something special for you. There are few things that mean more than letting someone know you're grateful for an act of kindness.

12. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Relationships work in two directions, so if you're not getting back some version of what you're putting in, then it's time to move on.

13. Never assume you know what your partner is thinking. Ask for yourself so there's no confusion.

14. Avoid talking smack about your partner because it'll always make its way back to you as the original source and that's a guaranteed relationship-ender.

15. Don't play head games. Say what you mean and mean what you say so that everyone's always on the same page.

16. Remember to talk to each other. Because relationships are always a work in progress, so you need to keep the lines of communication open.

17. Never kiss and tell. Keep what you and your partner do to yourself, because it'll always come back to bite you on the a** if you start blabbing.

18. If you're breaking up with someone, be kind. There's no easy way to tell someone they're not The One, so just do it thoughtfully.

19. Moms are always there in the wings to help when you need us.

Now obviously this isn't a complete list and I could go on for days, but these tips proved to be the most important bits of dating advice I shared with my own teen daughters over the years. So use this as a jumping-off point and just start the conversation.

Add your own advice and the opinions of the people you trust and then just keep talking. Because the sooner you start the dialogue, the better equipped your girls will be to handle themselves when they're out on their own. And even though we have to back out of the picture eventually and let them make their own decisions, we can still ensure that all of our advice is safely tucked inside their metaphorical wristlet every time they head out the door.
You May Also Want to Read: Practical Dating Advice for Guys How to Support Your BiSexual or Gay Teen

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A Mom's Practical Dating Advice For Teenage Girls

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Dating and daughters... it's a delicate subject, especially between moms and our girls. Just the thought of our daughters being in the game can make us feel like throwing up in our mouth. And just the mention of it to our girls can make them feel like slamming doors in our face because they're sure they know it all.

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TEEN PARENT - HOME SCHOOL PROGRAM
The philosophy of the Teen Parent Program is that students who are pregnant or have children need to achieve academic success as well as to learn to be good parents. Pregnant and parenting students have the option of remaining in their home schools and receiving limited support by an assigned Teen Parent Social Worker or by attending a teen parent center, as well as other options depending on the student's circumstances. The purpose of these services is to offer educational alternatives and to provide resources and information to help students achieve academic success and to plan for a secure future for themselves and their children.

The Home School Services program utilizes area-based specialized Social Workers to deliver the following services to support the student's academic achievement, with the goal of high school graduation, and to provide information and resources:

1. Assessment of student's situation

2. Counseling and resource information

3. Family involvement and other supports

4. Individual, group and family counseling

5. Family support services

6. Coordination, consultation and referrals with medical, childcare, social services and mental health agencies

7. Educational counseling

8. Parent education

9. Coordination with other services at school

10. Other events that partner with community agencies in order to assist students and their families

11. Coordination of pregnancy prevention presentations and information

Eligibility: Pregnant or parenting persons of legal school age are eligible for these services. Written confirmation of pregnancy is required for most services.
Learn more about how Teen Parent Social Workers can help.
For more information contact:

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TEEN PARENT - HOME SCHOOL PROGRAM The philosophy of the Teen Parent Program is that students who are pregnant or have children need to achieve academic success as well as to learn to be good parents.

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Please note that we'll be closed on these holidays: New Year's Day, Martin Luther King Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, Day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day

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If you need emergency contraception (AKA the morning after pill), you can walk in anytime we're open.

You are welcome to walk in any time the Health Center is open to make an appointment or see if there is a same day appointment available. If you have the time to wait, we will make every effort to fit you in the same day. If we can't see you, we will give you the first priority appointment available.

Patients are encouraged to make an appointment. Walk-ins are welcomed but will be seen based on clinic capacity and urgency of visit type.

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We're unable to provide childcare at our health center. For safety reasons children need to be accompanied by an adult when they're in the waiting room. Only infants can accompany you to the exam room. Please bring a friend or family member to be with your children if you don't have childcare at home.

You can fill your birth control prescriptions at our health center instead of the pharmacy. Pill pickups are available during open hours.

You can come to us for services that don't require a medical exam. For example, birth control education and supplies; emergency contraception (AKA the morning after pill); pregnancy testing and counseling; STD testing, and testing and treatments for urinary tract infections.

Specialty Services
Pills Now Pay Later is available at this health center -a service that allows you to visit us for one appointment and walk out the door with up to a year's supply of birth control and a convenient, low cost monthly payment plan.

Staff at your local Planned Parenthood health center can talk with you and help you get the care you need. You can search for a health center online or call 1-800-230-PLAN for care today.

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Birth Control, STD Testing & Abortion - Pembroke Pines, FL

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Go to Content Go to Navigation Go to Navigation Go to Site Search Homepage Our expert care providers offer care in the following services. Learn more about what services are offered, what to expect, and pricing. Health Center Hours Retrieving hours...

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You Are Not Alone. Call Us Today at 1-866-673-4673

Think you might be experiencing early pregnancy signs and symptoms? Do you find yourself wondering, "Am I pregnant?" You have resources. The Florida Pregnancy Support Services Program offers a network of centers that are available to provide confidential pregnancy help, including free pregnancy tests. We are here to help with all your questions and concerns about pregnancy, beginning with your early signs and symptoms.

A caring professional, who is ready to listen to your concerns and needs, is available 24/7 via our helpline. We'll connect you with a local pregnancy center that offers:

Pregnancy Help

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All at no cost to you! No more wondering "Am I pregnant?" Call us today at 1-866-673-4673
Find a Center Near Me

Participating pregnancy centers are located throughout the state. Call us to find the nearest center that can help with your questions about early pregnancy signs and symptoms. Check out our map of support centers.

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Wondering if you are pregnant? We will refer you to a nearby support center where you can schedule an appointment for free pregnancy tests or pregnancy help. Call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-866-673-4673.
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You Are Not Alone. Call Us Today at 1-866-673-4673

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You Are Not Alone. Call Us Today at 1-866-673-4673 Think you might be experiencing early pregnancy signs and symptoms? Do you find yourself wondering, "Am I pregnant?" You have resources. The Florida Pregnancy Support Services Program offers a network of centers that are available to provide confidential pregnancy help, including free pregnancy tests.

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Before you decide to have sex or if you are already having sex, you need to know how to stay healthy. Even if you think you know everything you need to know about sex, take a few minutes and read on. Your doctor wants to make sure you know the facts.

Important Reminders:

No one should ever be forced to have sex! If you are ever forced to have sex, it's important to never blame yourself and to tell an adult you trust as soon as possible.

Not using alcohol and drugs will help you make clearer choices about sex. Too many young people have sex without meaning to when they drink alcohol or use drugs.

Are You Ready for Sex?

Sex can change your life and relationships. Having sex may affect the way you feel about yourself or how others feel about you.

Many teens believe waiting until they are ready to have sex is important. The right time is different for each teen. For example, some teens may want to wait until they are older (adults); other teens may want to wait until they feel their relationship is ready.

You may feel that your relationship is ready when:

You can be completely honest and trust the other person, and the other person can trust you.

You can talk with the person about difficult topics, such as feelings, other relationships, and if the person has had a sexually transmitted infection (STI).

You can be responsible, protecting yourself and your partner against STIs and pregnancy with condoms and birth control.

You can respect the other person's decisions about not having sex and about using protection.

However, if you are in love or really like someone, you may ignore the signs of an unhealthy relationship.

The following signs mean your relationship is not ready for sex:

Your partner is jealous or possessive. For example, your partner prevents you from spending time with your family or other friends, texts or instant messages you constantly, or checks your cell phone to see who you are talking with.

Your partner pressures you to have sex and refuses to see your point of view.

Your partner manipulates you by either bullying you or threatening to hurt himself if you end the relationship.

Why Wait?

There's nothing wrong if you decide to wait. Not everyone is having sex. Half of all teens in the United States have never had sex. If you decide to wait, stick with your decision. Plan ahead how you are going to say no so you are clearly understood. Stay away from situations that can lead to sex.

Here are reasons why waiting to have sex makes sense:

Sex can lead to pregnancy. Are you ready to be pregnant or become a teenaged parent? It's a huge responsibility. Are you able to provide food, clothing, and a safe home for your baby?

Sex has health risks. A lot of infections can be spread during sex. Sexually transmitted infections include chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, herpes, HIV (the virus that causes AIDS), human papillomavirus (HPV), or syphilis.

Sex can lead to emotional pain and distractions. You may feel sad or angry if you let someone pressure you into having sex when you're not really ready. You also may feel sad or angry if you choose to have sex but your partner leaves you. Your partner may even tell other people that you had sex with her.

How Can You Prevent Getting an STI?

Nothing works perfectly to prevent STIs except abstinence (no sex). However, if you're going to have sex, using condoms is the best way to reduce the risk for getting STIs. You can also get a vaccine to protect against HPV.

Remember to use a latex condom every time you have sex-no matter what other type of birth control you and your partner might also use. To protect against getting an infection from having oral sex, use a condom, dental dam, or non-microwavable plastic wrap. Your doctor can explain all these things to you.

To make sure you stay healthy, get regular medical checkups. If you have had sex in the past or are having sex, your doctor may recommend testing for STIs.

What Do You Need To Know About Condoms?

Condoms work best when used correctly.

Most teens use male latex condoms. Buy the type with a reservoir (nipple) at the tip to catch semen, if available. Female condoms are another option. Never use a male and female condom at the same time; they might tear.

Follow the instructions on the package to make sure you are using them the right way.

Check the expiration date on the package. Don't buy or use expired condoms.

You can carry condoms with you at all times, but do not store them where they will get hot (such as in the glove compartment of a car). Heat can damage a condom.

The following additional tips about using male condoms are from the "Condom Fact Sheet In Brief" published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Use a new condom for every act of vaginal, anal, and oral sex throughout the entire sexual act (from start to finish). Before any genital contact, put the condom on the tip of the erect penis with the rolled side out.

If the condom does not have a reservoir tip, pinch the tip enough to leave a half-inch space for semen to collect. Holding the tip, unroll the condom all the way to the base of the erect penis.

After ejaculation and before the penis gets soft, grip the rim of the condom and carefully withdraw. Then gently pull the condom off the penis, making sure that semen doesn't spill out.

Wrap the condom in a tissue and throw it in the trash where others won't handle it.

If you feel the condom break at any point during sexual activity, stop immediately, withdraw, remove the broken condom, and put on a new condom.

Ensure that adequate lubrication is used during vaginal and anal sex, which might require water-based lubricants. Oil-based lubricants (ie, petroleum jelly, shortening, mineral oil, massage oils, body lotions, and cooking oil) should not be used because they can weaken latex, causing breakage.

What Types of Birth Control Are Effective?

Talk with your doctor about birth control. Your doctor can answer questions about safe and effective methods, side effects, and costs. Here are some forms of birth control (all types for females; condoms for males) from most effective to least effective at preventing pregnancy.

Intrauterine devices (IUDs): IUDs are small T-shaped devices placed inside the uterus by a doctor. They are highly effective at preventing pregnancy and may also be prescribed to help decrease menstrual bleeding and pain. The copper IUD contains a small amount of natural copper and prevents pregnancies for up to 10 years. There are 2 levonorgestrel IUDs, both of which contain a hormone and prevent pregnancy for 3 to 5 years depending on which one is used. Intrauterine devices when used as prescribed are about 99% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Contraceptive implant: A contraceptive implant is a tiny flexible rod that a doctor puts under your skin in your upper arm. It slowly releases a hormone that prevents pregnancy for 3 years. A contraceptive implant when used as prescribed is about 99% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Contraceptive injection: Depo-Provera is a shot given every 3 months. It's effective, and you don't have to remember to take a daily pill. The contraceptive injection when used as prescribed is 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. However, when used typically (eg, women may occasionally forget to get a shot exactly on time), it is 94% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Birth control pills, patch, and ring: "The pill," the birth control patch, and the ring all contain 2 hormones, an estrogen and a progestin.

Birth control pill: You take one pill each day. Birth control pills when used as prescribed are about 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. However, when used typically (eg, women may occasionally forget to take a pill), they are 91% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Birth control patch: The birth control patch is an adhesive patch that is placed on the skin. You wear the patch 3 weeks, remove the patch for 1 week, put on a new patch at the end of the fourth week, and repeat these steps. The birth control patch when used as prescribed is about 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. However, when used typically (eg, women may occasionally forget to replace the patch on time), it is 91% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Birth control ring: You insert the birth control ring in your vagina, it stays in for 3 weeks, you remove it for 1 week, and you put in a new one at the end of the week. The birth control ring when used as prescribed is about 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. However, when used typically (eg, women may occasionally forget to put in a new birth control ring on time), it is 91% effective in preventing pregnancy.

Condoms: Male condoms used the right way have about a 98% chance of preventing pregnancy, and female condoms have a 95% chance, but they must be used each time you have sex and used correctly. When they are not used correctly, male condoms may only have an 82% chance of preventing pregnancy, while female condoms may only be effective 79% of the time.

What Are Other Types of Birth Control?

The following types of birth control are less common and not as effective at preventing pregnancy:

Withdrawal: The male "pulls out" before he ejaculates or "cums." It does not prevent pregnancy or STIs. Even a small amount of sperm can lead to pregnancy or an STI.

The "rhythm method:" You avoid having sex during certain times of your monthly cycle. Because teens tend to have more irregular periods, this method is less effective at preventing pregnancy.

Spermicides: These are creams and foams used during sex to kill sperm. They may add protection to other methods but are not effective when used alone.

What Is Emergency Contraception?

Emergency contraception (EC) is a form of birth control that you use you have unprotected sex. Unprotected sex includes not using birth control, condoms breaking during sex, or forgetting to take birth control pills.

Emergency contraception can be taken up to 5 days after sex but is most effective when taken as soon as possible after sex.

You can buy EC pills over the counter and no longer need to show proof of age. The types of EC pills available over the counter are levonorgestrel at 1.5 mg (eg, Plan B One-Step or Next Choice One Dose).

Another type of EC pill is ulipristal acetate 30 mg (eg, Ella), which you can only get with a prescription.

A doctor can also put in a copper IUD that will provide both EC and regular birth control.

Remember:

If you decide to have sex, it's important that you know the facts about birth control, infections, and emotions. Decisions of when to become sexually active, how to protect yourself from STIs, and how to prevent pregnancy are yours. These are important decisions and are worth talking about with adults who care about you, including your doctor.

Additional Resources:

Making Healthy Decisions About Sex (Copyright © 2005 American Academy of Pediatrics, Updated 12/2014)

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For Teens: How to Make Healthy Decisions About Sex

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Before you decide to have sex or if you are already having sex, you need to know how to stay healthy. Even if you think you know everything you need to know about sex, take a few minutes and read on. Your doctor wants to make sure you know the facts.

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Birth control is how you prevent pregnancy. There are lots of different birth control options out there. We're here to help you figure it all out.
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Birth Control Methods & Options | Types of Birth Control

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Birth control is how to prevent pregnancy before it begins. There are lots of different methods and options that work really well and are easy to use.

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Abuse Hotline

The Florida Abuse Hotline accepts reports 24 hours a day and 7 days a week of known or suspected child abuse, neglect, or abandonment and reports of known or suspected abuse, neglect, or exploitation of a vulnerable adult. Call 800-962-2873.
View more resources
Be prepared to provide specific descriptions of the incident(s) or the circumstances contributing to the risk of harm, including who was involved, what occurred, when and where it occurred, why it happened, the extent of any injuries sustained, what the victim(s) said happened, and any other pertinent information are very important.

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Hotlines and other resources that will assist and support you with getting help or reporting it, if you know or suspect of abuse, neglect, abandonment, or exploitation of a child or vulnerable adult.

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How To Know If You Are In A Toxic Relationship

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How To Know If You Are In A Toxic Relationship

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Toxic relationships will cause monumental breakage to people, families and workplaces, but they aren't necessarily the territory of the weak, downtrodden or insecure. Strong, healthy, independent people can find themselves in the white-knuckled grip of a toxic relationship. Similarly, relationships that seem to begin strong because 'omg we're soooo in love you guys,' can dissolve into nothing but ash and legal fees that could have bought a castle on the river Seine, if they weren't being used to divide half your assets more 'half-ly'.

Relationships evolve. They change and they grow. Sometimes they crash and they burn. We never know how things will look when each other's less adorable, kind of awful habits start to show themselves publicly, or under the influence of alcohol or in-laws.

Some relationships are all shades of wrong from the outset ('Darlin' you're so pretty. You're the image of my ex. See? Here's her photo. You can keep that one. I have plenty - in my wallet, as my screen saver, on my bedside table, at my mum's house, on my desk, on my fridge and yeah, all over the place. Sometimes I just, like, hold it in front of me and run backwards and pretend like she's chasing me. Wanna get some tequila baby?') Some start off with promise and with all the right ingredients, but somewhere along the way, the right ingredients get replaced with resentment, jealousy, history and hurt.

We love love. Of course we do. Love sends us to joyous, lofty heights that we never want to come down from, but the same heart that can send us into a loved-up euphoria can trip us up and have us falling into something more toxic. The hot pursuit of love can be blinding. Even worse, sometimes it's not until you're two kids and a mortgage into the relationship, that you realise something has been missing for a while, and that something is you.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. A toxic person will float through life with a trail of broken hearts, broken relationships and broken people behind them, but toxic relationships don't necessarily end up that way because the person you fell for turned out to be a toxic one. Relationships can start healthy, but bad feelings, bad history, or long-term unmet needs can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it. It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people.

Can I fix it?

All relationships are worth the fight, until they're not. In a toxic relationship there will always be fallout:

moodiness, anger, unhappiness become the norm;

you avoid each other more and more;

work and relationships outside the toxic relationship start to suffer.

If the relationship is toxic, it is highly likely that all the fight in the world won't change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on. Perhaps they were never really there in the first place, or not in the way you needed them to be anyway. Even worse, if your relationship is toxic, you will be more and more damaged by staying in it.

Fighting to hold on to something that is not fighting to hold on to you will ruin you. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go with grace and love and move on.

What are the signs that I'm in a toxic relationship?

Being aware that the relationship is toxic is vital in protecting yourself from breakage. To stay in a toxic relationship is to keep your hand hovering over the self-destruct button. Not all toxic relationships are easy to leave, but being aware of the signs will make it easier to claim back your power and draw a bold heavy line around what's allowed into your life and what gets closed out.

Toxic behaviour exists on a spectrum. All people and all relationships do some of these things some of the time - but that doesn't make them toxic. A toxic relationship is defined by the consistency, the intensity and the damage. Here are some of the signs.

1. It feels bad. All the time.

You fall asleep hollow and you wake up just as bad. You look at other couples doing their happy couple thing and you feel the sting. Why couldn't that sort of love happen for you? It can, but first you have to clear the path for it to find you. Leaving a relationship is never easy, but staying for too long in a toxic relationship will make sure any strength, courage and confidence in you is eroded down to nothing. Once that happens, you're stuck.

2. You're constantly braced for the 'gotcha'.

Sometimes you can see it coming. Sometimes you wouldn't see it if it was lit with stadium floodlights. Questions becomes traps. ('Well would you rather go out with your friends or stay home with me?') Statements becomes traps. ('You seemed to enjoy talking to your boss tonight.') The relationship is a jungle and somewhere along the way you've turned into a hunted thing in a skin suit. When the 'gotcha' comes, there's no forgiveness, just the glory of catching you out. It's impossible to move forward from this. Everyone makes mistakes, but yours are used as proof that you're too uninvested, too wrong, too stupid, too something. The only thing you really are is too good to be treated like this.

3. You avoid saying what you need because there's just no point.

We all have important needs in relationships. Some of the big ones are connection, validation, appreciation, love, sex, affection. When those needs are mocked or ignored, the emptiness of that unmet need will clamour like an old church bell. If your attempts to talk about what you need end in a fight, a(nother) empty promise, accusations of neediness, insecurity, jealousy or madness you'll either bury the need or resent that it keeps being overlooked. Either way, it's toxic.

4. There's no effort.

Standing on a dance floor doesn't make you a dancer, and being physically present in a relationship doesn't mean there is an investment being made in that relationship. Doing things separately sometimes is healthy, but as with all healthy things, too much is too much. When there is no effort to love you, spend time with you, share the things that are important to you, the relationship stops giving and starts taking too much. There comes a point that the only way to respond to 'Well I'm here, aren't I?' is, 'Yeah. But maybe better if you weren't.'

5. All the work, love, compromise comes from you.

Nobody can hold a relationship together when they are the only one doing the work. It's lonely and it's exhausting. If you're not able to leave the relationship, give what you need to give but don't give any more than that. Let go of the fantasy that you can make things better if you try hard enough, work hard enough, say enough, do enough. Stop. Just stop. You're enough. You always have been.

6. When 'no' is a dirty word.

'No' is an important word in any relationship. Don't strike it from your vocabulary, even in the name of love - especially not in the name of love. Healthy relationships need compromise but they also respect the needs and wants of both people. Communicating what you want is as important for you and the relationship as communicating what you don't want. Find your 'no', give it a polish, and know where the release button is. A loving partner will respect that you're not going to agree with everything they say or do. If you're only accepted when you're saying 'yes', it's probably time to say 'no' to the relationship. And if you're worried about the gap you're leaving, buy your soon-to-be ex some putty. Problem solved.

7. The score card. Let me show you how wrong you are.

One of the glorious things about being human is that making mistakes is all part of what we do. It's how we learn, how we grow, and how we find out the people who don't deserve us. Even the most loving, committed partners will do hurtful, stupid things sometimes. When those things are brought up over and over, it will slowly kill even the healthiest relationship and keep the 'guilty' person small. At some point, there has to be a decision to move on or move out. Having shots continually fired at you based on history is a way to control, shame and manipulate. Healthy relationships nurture your strengths. Toxic ones focus on your weaknesses.

8. There's a battle - and you're on your own. Again.

You and your partner are a team. You need to know that whatever happens, you have each other's backs, at least publicly. In healthy relationships, when the world starts throwing stones, the couple comes together and fortifies the wall around each other. Toxic relationships often see one person going it alone when it comes to public put-downs. Similarly, when attempts are made from outside the relationship to divide and conquer, the couple is divided and conquered as easily as if they were never together in the first place.

9. Physical or verbal abuse. Or both.

These are deal-breakers. You know they are.

10. Too much passive-aggressive.

Passive-aggressive behaviour is an indirect attack and a cowardly move for control. The toxicity lies in stealing your capacity to respond and for issues to be dealt with directly. The attack is subtle and often disguised as something else, such as anger disguised as indifference 'whatever' or 'I'm fine'; manipulation disguised as permission 'I'll just stay at home by myself while you go out and have fun,' and the worst - a villain disguised as a hero, 'You seem really tired baby. We don't have to go out tonight. You just stay in and cook yourself some dinner and I'll have a few drinks with Svetlana by myself hey? She's been a mess since the cruise was postponed.' You know the action or the behaviour was designed to manipulate you or hurt you, because you can feel the scrape, but it's not obvious enough to respond to the real issue. If it's worth getting upset about, it's worth talking about, but passive-aggressive behaviour shuts down any possibility of this.

11. Nothing gets resolved.

Every relationship will have its issues. In a toxic relationship, nothing gets worked through because any conflict ends in an argument. There is no trust that the other person will have the capacity to deal with the issue in a way that is safe and preserves the connection. When this happens, needs get buried, and in a relationship, unmet needs will always feed resentment.

12. Whatever you're going through, I'm going through worse.

In a healthy relationship, both people need their turn at being the supported and the supporter. In a toxic relationship, even if you're the one in need of support, the focus will always be on the other person. 'Babe like I know you're really sick and can't get out of bed but it's soooo stressful for me because now I have to go to the party by myself. Next Saturday I get to choose what we do. K? [sad emoji, balloon emoji, heart emoji, another heart emoji, lips emoji].'

13. Privacy? What privacy?

Unless you've done something to your partner that you shouldn't have, like, you know, forgot you had one on 'Singles Saturday', then you deserve to be trusted. Everybody deserves some level of privacy and healthy relationships can trust that this won't be misused. If your partner constantly goes through your receipts, phone bills, text messages this shows a toxic level of control. It's demeaning. You're an adult and don't need constantly supervision.

14. The lies. Oh the lies!

Lying and cheating will dissolve trust as if it was never there to begin with. Once trust is so far gone, it's hard to get it back. It might come back in moments or days, but it's likely that it will always feel fragile - just waiting for the wrong move. A relationship without trust can turn strong, healthy people into something they aren't naturally - insecure, jealous and suspicious. The toxicity of this lies in the slow erosion of confidence. Sometimes all the fight in the world can't repair trust when it's badly broken. Know when enough is enough. It's not your fault that the trust was broken, but it's up to you to make sure that you're not broken next.

15. Big decisions are for important people. And clearly you're not one of them.

If you're sharing your life with someone, it's critical that you have a say in the decisions that will affect you. Your partner's opinions and feelings will always be important, and so are yours. Your voice is an important one. A loving partner in the context of a healthy relationship will value your thoughts and opinions, not pretend that they don't exist or assume theirs are more important.

I think I might be in a toxic relationship. What now?

If it's toxic, it's changing you and it's time to leave or put up a very big wall. (See here for how.) Be clear about where the relationship starts and where you begin. Keep your distance emotionally and think of it as something to be managed, rather than something to be beaten or understood. Look for the patterns and look for the triggers. Then, be mindful about what is okay and what isn't. Above all else, know that you are strong, complete and vital. Don't buy into any tiny-hearted, close-minded push that would have you believe otherwise. You're amazing.

And finally ...

There are plenty of reasons you might end up in a toxic relationship, none of which have nothing to do with strength of character or courage.

Sometimes the toxicity grows and blindsides you and by the time you realise, it's too late - the cost of leaving might feel too high or there may be limited options.

Toxicity in any relationship doesn't make sense. In an attempt to make it make sense, you might blame history, circumstance or your own behaviour. The truth is that none of this matters. It doesn't matter where the toxicity comes from or the reason for it being there.

Love and happiness don't always go together. The world would run so much smoother if they did, but it just doesn't happen like that. Love can be a dirty little liar sometimes. So can commitment. Staying in a relationship should never have losing yourself as one of the conditions. You're far too important for that.

It's important to make sacrifices in relationships but your happiness, self-esteem and self-respect should always be on the list - always. If a relationship is built on love, it nurtures, restores, replenishes and revives. It doesn't diminish. It isn't cruel and it doesn't ever violate a warm, open heart. Everything you need to be happy is in you. When you are with someone who suffocates those precious parts of you, be alive to the damage they are doing. You owe them nothing, you owe yourself everything. You deserve to thrive and to feel safe, and you deserve to be happy.

Filed under: Dealing With Difficult People, Intimate Relationships & Marriage, Social Relationships, When A Relationship Breaks
Tags: family relationship, intimate relationships, toxic people, toxic person, toxic relationship

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Toxic relationships will cause monumental breakage to people, families and workplaces, but they aren't necessarily the territory of the weak, downtrodden or insecure. Strong, healthy, independent people can find themselves in the white-knuckled grip of a toxic relationship.

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Author: Stephanie Camins - MA, LPC

Setting good personal boundaries is critical to creating healthy relationships, increasing self- esteem and reducing stress, anxiety and depression. Boundaries protect your personal self by setting a clear line between what is me and what is not me. A lack of boundaries opens the door for others to determine your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Defining boundaries is a process of determining what behavior you will accept from others and what you will not.

Boundaries include physical boundaries, as well as, emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries include your body, personal space, and privacy. Violations include standing too close, inappropriate touching, even looking through your personal files or your phone. Emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from another's feelings. Violations include, taking responsibility for another's feelings, letting another's feelings dictate your own, sacrificing your own needs to please another, blaming others for your problems, and accepting responsibility for theirs. Strong boundaries protect your self- esteem and your identity as an individual with the right to make your own choices.

Boundaries are your own invisible force field and you are in charge of protecting it. As important as this may sound, most of us have a difficult time setting healthy boundaries consistently. At times it is difficult to identify when our boundaries are being crossed. We may even fear the consequences to our relationships if we set them.

To identify when your boundaries are being crossed, stay tuned into your feelings. Red flags include, discomfort, resentment, stress, anxiety, guilt and fear. These feelings stem from feeling taken advantage of or not feeling appreciated. Think about the people who you feel this way around. Do the following statements ring true: I can't make my own decisions, I can't ask for what I need, I can't say no, I feel criticized, I feel responsible for their feelings, I seem to take on their moods, and I am often nervous, anxious or resentful around them.

Unhealthy boundaries are often characterized by a weak sense of your own identity and your own feelings of disempowerment in decision making in your own life. This leads you down the road to relying on your partner for happiness and decision making responsibilities thereby losing important parts of your own identity. An inability to set boundaries also stems from fear; fear of abandonment or losing the relationship, fear of being judged or fear of hurting others feelings. I have found The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Dr. Patricia Evans helpful in identifying broken boundaries.

Our lessons about boundaries begin early in our lives, first in our families and then in our peer groups. These early boundaries are internalized as our way of asserting our own needs and wants, as well as, in taking responsibility for others needs and wants. How comfortable we are standing up for ourselves, verbalizing our feelings and expressing our needs starts very early in our development. Steps to build better boundaries begin with knowing and understanding what your own limits are. Who I am, what I am responsible for and what I am not responsible for. I am responsible for my happiness, my behavior, my choices, my feelings. I am not responsible for others happiness, other's behaviors, other's choices, and other's feelings.

Want to change your relationship but don't know where to start? Read my review of the Marriage Fitness program here.

Emotional Boundaries and Boundary Traps

Emotional boundaries fall into the categories of time, emotions, energy and values. Be aware of boundary traps in relationships. The following scenarios may seem familiar. Start by recognizing which boundary traps you commonly fall in.

1. I am nobody if I'm not in a relationship. My identity comes from my partner and I will do anything to make this person happy.

2. This is better than the last relationship I was in.

3. I spend all my time involved in my partner's goals and activities. There just isn't enough time left to do what I want to do.

4. My partner would be lost without me.

5. If I just give it more time, the relationship will get better.

6. Most of the time the relationship is great...Ok well occasionally it is and that's enough for me.

Setting Emotional Boundaries

Make a commitment to yourself to put your own identity, needs, feelings and goals first. Healthy emotional boundaries come from believing that you are OK just the way you are. Commit to letting go of fixing others, taking responsibility for the outcomes of others choices, saving or rescuing others, needing to be needed, changing yourself to be liked, or depending on others approval.

Make a list of boundaries you would like to strengthen. Write them down. Visualize yourself setting them and finally, assertively communicate with others what your boundaries are and when they've crossed them. Remember, this is a process. Start with a small, non-threatening boundary and experience success before taking on more challenging boundaries.

Boundaries to start with:

1. Say no - to tasks you don't want to do or don't have time to do.

2. Say yes - to help.

3. Say thank you with no apology, regret or shame.

4. Ask for help.

5. Delegate tasks.

6. Protect your time - don't overcommit.

7. Ask for space - we all need our own time.

8. Speak up if you feel uncomfortable with how someone is treating you or your needs are being infringed upon.

9. Honor what is important to you by choosing to put yourself first.

10. Drop the guilt and responsibility for others.

11. Share personal information gradually and in a mutual way (give and take).

If you are shifting the dynamic in the relationship you may feel resistance from the other person. This is normal and OK. Simply stick to your guns and continue to communicate your needs. Use the "broken record technique" and repeat the same statement as many times as you need. Healthy relationships are a balance of give and take. In a healthy relationship you feel calm, safe, supported, respected, taken care of, and unconditionally accepted. You are forgiven without past offenses being brought up repeatedly, seeming acts of revenge or passive aggressive behaviors from the other person. You are free to be who you are and encouraged to be your best self.

Find yourself battling over the smallest issues which only lead to even bigger issues? Read my firsthand review of the Marriage Fitness program here.

Good boundaries are a sign of emotional health, self-respect and strength. We teach people how to treat us. Set high standards for those you surround yourself with. Expect to be treated in the same loving way you treat them. You will soon find yourself surrounded by those who respect you, care about your needs and your feelings and treat you with kindness. My favorite book that I often refer clients to for positive relationship building is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
See my Reading Recommendations

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Setting Emotional Boundaries in Relationships

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Author: Stephanie Camins - MA, LPC Setting good personal boundaries is critical to creating healthy relationships, increasing self- esteem and reducing stress, anxiety and depression. Boundaries protect your personal self by setting a clear line between what is me and what is not me.

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Written by Writer's Corps member Vivian Todini

There is a fallacy that somehow lgbtq+ relationships are different than straight relationships. But, whether gay, straight, trans or any other combination, when two people come together to date or to get serious, they face the same highs and lows that surface in any relationship.

In the beginning for all couples, it's relatively easy, even if the excitement is mixed with a dose of nerves. There's the rush of meeting someone new and thinking, wow! Or maybe it's a slow simmer and suddenly you start to realize that the inside jokes, the glances, the extra long goodbye hugs or the copious texting mean that this friendship has caught the fire of romance.

These early forays into relationships are familiar to any love persuasion. Ditto for later on when you start to dig deeper into issues like building trust, managing expectations, tackling insecurities, navigating communication styles, and even dealing with exes who might be friends or parents of your children. Basically, regardless of who you love, when two people get together, you begin to delve into a wonderful, albeit complex, world.

What can add to the complexity for same-sex couples, however, is the outside world.

Very often lgbtq+ people have extra external stressors that can affect their relationship. Isolation, including being rejected by family members, friends or co-workers, deciding who to tell that you are in a same-sex relationship, coping with assumptions and stereotypes, knowing when it is safe to hold your partner's hand in public and when it's not, and a host of other challenges can derail or strengthen a couple.

So, when the world feels a little tough, here are a few tips to create the loving space for your lgbtq+ relationship to grow and blossom.

Respect Your Differences

You may be "out" to everyone, but maybe your partner isn't. So while you are thrilled about bringing your SO to your Aunt Mabel's fried chicken dinner on Sunday, where all of your relatives will get to meet your special someone, your SO might feel nervous about bringing you to a family outing. This is where things can get sticky and why it's important to respect one another's process. For couples who are at different points in their journey, it can be frustrating when one person feels invisible or the other feels scared or pressured to come out. Sit down and share what your differences trigger in one another and see if you can map out steps to support each other during this transitional time. Coming out is a very personal process and while you two might be at different stages in your journey, bring love, respect, and patience to the process.

Find Community

Sometimes being lgbtq+ can be very isolating, especially if you are concerned that your family is going to reject you, or you live in a conservative part of the country or if your religion conflicts with building a life with a same-sex partner. Seek out lgbtq+ resources either locally, nationally or online that will give you an opportunity to connect with people who understand and can empathize. Also, turn to trusted friends, whether they are lgbtq+ or straight, to build deeper relationships by asking for support and talking about how you feel.

Take a News Break

Take cover from the bombardment of news reports of efforts to thwart or reverse progress for lgbtq+ families. Oppression and discrimination is very wearing. Make time to celebrate your life together, even if others are trying to undermine or disparage your love. Look in the mirror together and affirm the beauty of your relationship. If you are energized, get involved with an advocacy organization either by contributing your time or donating. If you are worn out, nourish yourselves by spending time with family and friends who believe in your love. During the times that the world may not be so kind, your champions will give you the kindness you need.

Be Safe

While safety isn't always predictable, assess when it is safe to be out as a couple, meaning is it ok to kiss or only hug when saying hello in public? Is it ok to hold hands, walk arm-in-arm, or is it better to walk arm's length from one another? Can you hold hands across a restaurant table or cozy up close on a barstool? What about a slow dance together at a wedding? Assessing your environment is critical to your safety and to protect yourselves from glares to threats to physical confrontation. Your safety is affected by many variables, including whether you are in familiar territory or on new turf, such as when vacationing in a state or country that may frown on your love. Take care of each other by communicating in advance when you are unsure of possible dangerous reactions to your coupledom.

Be Vulnerable with Each Other

It's easy to put up a wall when you don't feel like you can share the excitement of being in love with your family, friends or co-workers. When you walk into the arms of your love, remind yourself to leave your armor at the door. Let your relationship grow and flourish, by creating the space to be open and vulnerable with each other. So, take a deep breath and enjoy! And, you may find your wall coming down when you gain strength from your relationship.

If your relationship issues are being compounded by the stress of being lgbtq+ in a straight world, or if you are finding this stress affects your emotional health, don't go it alone, seek help because you and your love matter.

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Same-Sex Couples: How to Strengthen Your Relationship - One Love Foundation

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Written by Writer's Corps member Vivian Todini There is a fallacy that somehow lgbtq+ relationships are different than straight relationships. But, whether gay, straight, trans or any other combination, when two people come together to date or to get serious, they face the same highs and lows that surface in any relationship.

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If you've recently figured out your orientation, you might want to come out.

If you do, you're probably wondering how - like when to do it, who to tell, and what to say, just to name a few. Don't worry, we've got you covered!

Remember that everyone's journey is different

There's no wrong time to come out.

Some people come out at a young age, some never do. Some people tell everyone they know, others only share it with a select few.

There's no right or wrong way to go about this, because how you come out will depend on your own experiences and situation.

If you want to come out, go for it!

Most people expect others to be straight unless they say otherwise, which is why people come out. Coming out can be a liberating and exciting experience.

There are many reasons you might want to come out. For example:

You're in a relationship and you'd like to introduce people to your partner.

You're looking for a relationship.

You want to connect with people who are the same sexual orientation as you.

You simply want to share the news.

You don't need a particular reason to come out - if you want to do it, that's reason enough!

If you don't want to or feel like doing so could cause harm, it's 100% OK not to do so - it doesn't make you 'fake'

You don't ever have to "come out of the closet" if you don't want to. Really, you don't.

Modern discussions on queerness seem to center around coming out.

An unfortunate side effect is that many of us feel very pressured to come out. Some of us even feel like we're being dishonest because we're pretending to be straight.

Nobody should feel forced to come out before they're ready - or at all.

There are many reasons people avoid coming out. They might feel it's dangerous because they don't believe they'll be accepted. They might also feel like it's too emotionally stressful, or private. Or, they might simply not want to come out.

No matter the reason, it's OK to not come out. It doesn't make you a fake or a liar.

How you go about it ultimately depends on who you want to tell

Perhaps you have an anonymous social media account and you decide to tell your followers.

Perhaps you tell your friends, but not your family members. Perhaps you tell your siblings, but not your parents. Perhaps you tell your family, but not your co-workers.

You're well within your rights to ask whoever you tell to keep it private. If you're still closeted to some people, tell your loved ones not to discuss it with anyone else.

You don't have to tell everyone at once - or even at all

When I was a teenager, I thought "coming out" would entail a huge coming out party where I'd gather around everybody I know and tell them I'm bisexual.

That's not what happened - and thankfully it wasn't, because that would have been pretty overwhelming.

While you can throw yourself a coming out party, or come out in a Facebook post, or call everyone you know on the same day, most people actually don't come out to everyone at the same time.

You might choose to start with your friends and then tell your family members, or whoever you choose.

Start by determining which parts of your life feel safe to come out in

When it comes to coming out, you might be worried about your safety. Sadly, people are still discriminated against because of their orientation.

If you feel that you'll be safe and accepted coming out to everyone, that's awesome!

If you're not, you might want to start by coming out where it's safest: whether that's amongst your family members, friends, religious community, school community, or colleagues.

Make sure you consider the overall tolerance level of your individual communities

To determine how safe it is to come out in a certain area of your life, you should consider how tolerant your communities are.

You might find it helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

Are there antidiscrimination policies at my school and work?

Are there any laws protecting me from discrimination?

If so, how do these laws work?

Overall, is there an attitude of tolerance at my school and work? Remember, just because discrimination is illegal doesn't mean it won't happen.

In my community, how do people treat openly queer people?

Get a sense of how receptive the audience will be before you tell them

You can never tell whether someone will accept your orientation.

You could make an educated guess based on how they react to other queer people. This can include people you personally know, celebrities, or even fictional characters.

A common strategy is to bring up queerness or sexual orientation in passing. You might say something like, "I hear Drew Barrymore is bisexual," or "Did you hear about the new antidiscrimination law?" or "Ellen and Portia are so cute!" (Yeah, I've used all of those).

You might use their reaction to gauge whether they'll be accepting of you.

Of course, this isn't a foolproof method - some people might be tolerant towards some queer people but not towards others.

You may find it helpful to start with one trusted person

This may be a loved one who's compassionate and open-minded. It could also be someone who's already openly queer and has been through the process of coming out.

You could also ask them to help you tell others and offer you support during the coming out process. Sometimes, it's simply helpful to have a friendly face present when you tell others.

Consider which method you're most comfortable with

Coming out doesn't need to be a formal conversation unless that's what you prefer to do. You might come out by casually mentioning your partner, or going to an LGBTQIA+ event, or something similar.

It doesn't need to be a face-to-face conversation unless you want it to be.

Video or voice calls can be helpful because you can always hang up the phone if the conversation sours. The physical distance can also give you the space to process the conversation alone afterward.

Many people prefer texts and emails because they don't demand an immediate response. Often, people don't know what to say - even if they're supportive of you - so it might help to give them some time to come up with a response.

Social media posts may be even less anxiety-inducing. Since a general coming out status isn't directed at anyone specific, there isn't an obligation for any particular person to respond.

It can also be helpful to have people you've already told leave supportive comments, as this shows other people how to respond appropriately.

The downside of social media is that it's very public. You can't always tell whether somebody saw your post or how your post is shared.

Ultimately, it's best to choose whatever method you're most comfortable with.

Regardless of the method, consider the time and location

There isn't a perfect time or place to come out, but it's important to consider which time and place will be comfortable and convenient for you.

For example:

It might not be a good idea to have it in a public place where strangers could overhear you, especially if you want privacy.

You might want it to happen in a public place if you're afraid that who you're coming out to may become physically violent.

It might also be best to choose a place that's quiet - not a noisy nightclub or restaurant.

If you're comfortable discussing it in a private place like your home, try that.

If you'd like support, have one or two open-minded friends with you.

If you think it could go badly, avoid doing it before you have to spend a lot of time together, like a Christmas dinner or a long flight.

If you send a text or email, it's best to avoid doing it while they're on vacation or at work.

Ultimately, it's a good idea to choose a place and time that feels comfortable and safe.

Prepare for questions and potential disbelief

People might have a lot of questions when you come out to them. Some common questions are:

How long have you known?

How can I support you?

Are you dating anybody?

How do you know?

Are you sure?

You don't have to answer these questions - even the well-intended ones - unless you want to.

Unfortunately, some people may not believe you. Some people do believe being gay is a choice, and some people believe that bisexuality, pansexuality, and asexuality don't exist.

Some people might say that you can't be queer because you've dated people of the "opposite" gender. They might try to convince you that you're not queer.

Remember that your identity is valid, no matter what others say.

Nobody knows your identity better than you know yourself - not even your parents or partners - and nobody else gets to define it.

You can set a firm boundary and say that you're sure of your orientation and that you want support, not doubt.

What to say

If you aren't sure of exactly what to say or how to phrase it, here are a few examples:

"After thinking about it a lot, I've realized that I'm gay. This means I'm attracted to men."

"Since you're important to me, I want to let you know that I'm bisexual. I'd appreciate your support."

"I've figured out that I'm actually pansexual, which means I'm attracted to people of any gender."

Allow the other person space and time to process the information

Even well-intended and open-minded people might need time to process the information. Often, people want to say something supportive but don't know how to respond.

A non-response isn't necessarily a bad response. The uncomfortable silence may be unpleasant, though.

After a few days, it might be a good idea to send them a text along the lines of, "Hi there, have you thought about what I told you the other day?"

If they seem unsure what to say, tell them. Say something like, "I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me you still love/support/accept me" or "If you're unsure what to say, that's OK - but I'd like you to say you understand and accept me."

Make sure they know whether they can share this info

If you're coming out to people gradually instead of telling everybody at once, it's important to let the folks you do tell know.

You could say something like:

"I haven't told my parents yet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell them until I got a chance to talk to them."

"Please don't tell anybody else at this point - it's important for me to speak to them at my own pace."

"I'm not ready to tell anyone else at this point, so please keep this private."

You can suggest resources for them to learn more about how to support you. It might be a good idea to send them a link to an article about supporting LGBTQIA+ people.

Try not to take any negative reactions personally

It's hard not to take negative reactions personally - but remember that their response is a reflection of them, not you.

As the saying goes, "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."

If you feel like your safety is in question, you have options

If you were evicted from your home or if the people you live with threaten you, try to find an LGBTQIA+ shelter in your area, or arrange to stay with a supportive friend for a while.

If you're a young person in need of help, contact The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. They provide help and support for people who are in crisis or feeling suicidal, or for people who simply need someone to talk and vent to.

If you're being discriminated against at work, speak to your HR department. If your employer discriminates against you, and you're based in the United States, you can file a charge with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

Lean on your chosen community and surround yourself with a support system

It's a good idea to surround yourself with supportive friends around this time, especially if you feel you're in danger. Try to find out if your school or local LGBTQIA+ group offers support groups or counseling.

It's ultimately on your terms

Coming out is about you and your identity. It should be done on your terms.

You get to decide if you want to tell people, when or who you tell, which label you choose (or don't choose), and how you come out.

Ultimately, you get to choose what makes you happy and comfortable.

It's an ongoing, never-ending process

Unfortunately, we live in a world where you're assumed to be straight unless otherwise indicated, so you might have to correct people over and over again.

Coming out is never a one-off thing, even if you literally tell everybody you know at the same time.

You'll probably have to come out again and again to new people you meet, such as new neighbors, co-workers, and friends -that is, if you want to.
Sian Ferguson is a freelance writer and editor based in Cape Town, South Africa. Her writing covers issues relating to social justice, cannabis, and health. You can reach out to her on .

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If You Think You're Ready to Come Out, Read This

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If you've recently figured out your orientation, you might want to come out. And if you do, you're probably wondering how - like when to do it, who to tell, and what to say, just to name a few. Don't worry, we've got you covered!