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Papa today i need you a lot, i need to share whats going on my mind, i need to ask what i should do papa
Mujhe kuch samjh nahi aa raha . I really need you

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I wanted you to see

My progress every year

But that isn’t possible

Now that you aren’t here

I wanted you to witness

My growth and prosperity

But now that you are away

That isn’t going to be

I wanted you to be a part

Of everything I chose to do

But now that you are gone

I can do nothing but miss you

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Today entire day I spent working and tried a lot to not think of this day , but it was impossible task Papa.

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Papa I am falling less in words to write how much i miss you,last year same day last i had seen you, touched you, spoke to you.. never thought it would be last time..

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The time we had dad,
wasn't nearly enough, to pack in
an entire lifetime of love.
there are so many questions that i need answers to
But now that your gone There's no way to ask you.
But there are still photos to remember you by,
each time I look at them I still want to cry.
they say grief gets easier as time goes by,
But thats doesn't stop me from wondering why?
Why my dear, sweet dad was taken to soon. When he was my star my sun and moon,
There are no answers, to a question like this, So I'll
cherish your memory and the times we had and,
mourn the years we'll miss.

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Started missing you much more Papa, now this papa word hurts so much..

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Papa, I know for sure how much I loved you, I never showed you how weak I am, I was always strong in front of you as I liked it a lot when u tell me .." you are strong" .. but papa I am not strong at all, I liked acting strong for you but now I dont know now how more to act and for whom to be strong.. I miss you a lot papa.

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New year without u papa... ketne saal aaye or gaye, kabhi koe year itna big pain de ke nahi gaya... dont know what to hope from next year

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Papa , kaise ye sub thik hoga , really i am dieing to say papa word, mai kese bolu papa , kon mujhse vaise baat karega jaise aap karte the, aap maire saath panja ladate the ketne baar.. i miss all that small momemt so much papa ..u telling me ke bahut takat hai lucky taire mai to.. u use to call me and say school se aa gaye or mai bolte the papa ab mai office jaate hai and ur hasse i miss it sooo much papa.. kaise itne bade life neklege papa aapke bena..

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10 months could not be belive .. still counting days .. feels like ye days over hone vale hai and sub kuch pahle jaisa ho jaega.. our life will be again same as before . .

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Papa , aap kyo nahi hi humare saath, hum sub kuch kar rahe hai , life acche chal rahe hai but fer bhi always I feel everthing incomplete, jaise day over hua he nahi hai and kuch pending hai .. humesha I feel . Aap the to life bahut easy lagte the , humesha ek satisfaction rahta tha maan hai .. but now kuch bhi karo.. best bhi ho jaye still feel everything incomplete..

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It hurts to think that you are not here anymore. Although I can’t help but smile with tears in my eyes to think of how we cherished each and every moment of our lives together Papa

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I feel breathlessness when I think of you , keese bolu mai Papa ye sub . How much I want all of us to be together ..

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Papa Missing you a lot, sub koe hai but fer bhi ketne alone feel ho raha hai aapke bena . Sub smile kar rahe hai but sub sad hai, koe keese ko nahi bol raha ke aapko ketna miss kar rahe hai . I wish papa aap yaha hote...

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Being with mummy makes life really easy...when mom is around I miss you but always feel strong and positive.... Again missing u a lot papa..... Wish to see and be with you atleast in next life :(

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Being with mummy makes life really easy...when mom is around I miss you but always feel strong and positive.... Again missing u a lot papa..... Wish to see and be with you atleast in next life :(

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Papa I am missing a lot, ye festival seasons evening is making me very sad, hur ek eveing I remmeber our korba days, It remind of all our family time we spent together, vo festival ke prepration karna , vo aapna sham ko factory se ghar aana, or pata nahi kya kya , I really even dont want to think about all those days , it remind so much of our time spent as a family. aaj hum sub ek dusre se ketne dur ho gaye hai physically. But papa we all are connected to u with same thread, and hum jub ke apne childhood ko sochenge how we will feel that void. Aap vo saare thoughts mai rahoge but not in real. Papa we really needed u much more in our life. We are so alone without u ..

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Papa missing you a lot, kuch samjh he nahi aa raha mai kya write karu, sometime I feel that u are around me but cannot see you ...

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Being with mummy is the best thing that has happened to me in last 5 months.... We talk about u with proud and only about happiness you have given ...even though I miss u alot every time...mummy does not give me one moment also to be sad... Only things that scares and worry me from inside is how we will be when mummy will leave us.... 

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Being with mummy is the best thing that has happened to me in last 5 months.... We talk about u with proud and only about happiness you have given ...even though I miss u alot every time...mummy does not give me one moment also to be sad... Only things that scares and worry me from inside is how we will be when mummy will leave us.... 

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Papa you not being around us from 5 months.

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Vishkarma Jayanti in factory.. hum ketna enjoy karte the ye day bachpan mai, Papa sub ko factory le ke jaate the, vaha pooja karte the , boondi ka laadu khaate the, sub labours ko cloths daite the, bahut saare long aate the factory ke pooja dekhne. Papa ye saare days we miss a lot..

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We were playing one game yesterday .. one person will tell one word and other has to tell first thing which comes is there mind.. khelte khlete kaku bola word "papa" or maire mind mai aaya "lost".. why we lost u papa ? Why now for us papa word reminds is lost.

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Missing you so much papa..
Jisha aapko bahut yaad karti hai.. kal jab school me grandparents day celebrate kar rhe the aur ma’am ne jab dada aur dadi ko bulane ke liye kaha to jisha mere pass aakar boli mai kisko lekar jau mumma class me… mere baba to star ban gye aur dadi abhi ghar me nhi hai… to Maine bola jao aap ma’am ko bata do ye sab…aur jab mai phir jisha ko dekhne gai to class me sabke dada and dadi aaye the aur jisha chup chap baithkar sabko dekh rhi thi…. Bahut painful tha papa ye sab dekhna… kash aap kabhi na jate missing you every time papa❤️

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Since very young age I was crazy about bring ganpati home for the festival when I was around 8 years old ..... Papa brought ganpati murti I was so excited and happy when it was time to bid Ganesha good bye we went to a river there I saw so many big idols and I told papa my Ganesha is so small.... Then he explained his blessing and joy happiness and fun is big... Also you are so small so small Ganesha for you when you will grow up ... You can bring home big Ganesha.... Papa your simple words and explanation made our childhood so easy and rich of memories and life time experience.... Miss you papa... Hope now you are with Lord ganpati himself

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Since very young age I was crazy about bring ganpati home for the festival when I was around 8 years old ..... Papa brought ganpati murti I was so excited and happy when it was time to bid Ganesha good bye we went to a river there I saw so many big idols and I told papa my Ganesha is so small.... Then he explained his blessing and joy happiness and fun is big... Also you are so small so small Ganesha for you when you will grow up ... You can bring home big Ganesha.... Papa your simple words and explanation made our childhood so easy and rich of memories and life time experience.... Miss you papa... Hope now you are with Lord ganpati himself

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Without you no days look good whichever festival comes ...I keep thinking how it would have been if you were around.... Why you left us papa? 

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Without you no days look good whichever festival comes ...I keep thinking how it would have been if you were around.... Why you left us papa? 

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Aisa lagta hai ab ke Papa bole ketna time ho gaya .. aap humesha bolte the hume ke tum long bahut badmash ho sirf apne mummy se baat karte ho.. Vo sub sune ketna time ho gaya. Papa aapne kyo socha hume akela kar ke jaane ka.. we miss u so much papa. You know Papa word itself pinch karta hai. Aisa lagta hai sub ke paas hai sub bol sakte hai but hum kesko bole . Why u left us so alone Papa...

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Sundays..korba mai sunday ketna different hota tha, papa factory nahi jaate the.. or bahut bahut saare long haath dekhane aate the, morning se start ho jata tha subka aana, or papa kese ko bhi bena tea and snacks ke jaane nahi daite the, chotha ho ya bada subko same respect .. kabhi kese se kuch nahi liye bus deya he tha papa aapne , when we asks why to serve them.. a simple answer respect everyone ...

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Babbu turned 15 years old... He was asking me how was I when I turned 15.....kya bolun.... He carries more pressure of parents ....We never ever felt that pressure we were really free bird.... How u and mummy did that I don't know we never felt any pressure but still were enough responsible. ... Missing u papa more everyday 

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Babbu turned 15 years old... He was asking me how was I when I turned 15.....kya bolun.... He carries more pressure of parents ....We never ever felt that pressure we were really free bird.... How u and mummy did that I don't know we never felt any pressure but still were enough responsible. ... Missing u papa more everyday 

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Papa this promotion was not possible without u missingggg u so much the way u would have enjoyed and blessed...... 

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Papa this promotion was not possible without u missingggg u so much the way u would have enjoyed and blessed...... 

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Papa kyo chale gaye aap, we all are so alone now. Mummy miss u a lot. Her entire life revolves around you, seeing her alone is very painful. How much we try we cannot give her happiness in anything. She did not any thing other then you. Watching TV, eating food and all day activity aap the mummy ke paas. Mummy bahut strong the hum sochte the but aapke jaane ke baad she is not strong..We dont know how to keep her happy..

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No festival looks any meaning without u Papa. We miss u soo much on any such days. Days look so big without you...

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Papa i don't remember celebrating any festival after marriage now when you are gone I am again and again seeing my childhood in memories....how much we enjoyed as children it was really a big event with you around for everything.... 

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Papa i don't remember celebrating any festival after marriage now when you are gone I am again and again seeing my childhood in memories....how much we enjoyed as children it was really a big event with you around for everything.... 

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You was so different Papa, jub we were in korba and power goes off you took us for movie, aap bolte the ghar maie andhere mai kyo rahna chalo movie. It was so much of fun time papa.. we had enjoyed our life so much with you..

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You know Papa kabhi kabhi suddenly aapke bahut jayada yaad aate hai, Last year independence day main Kaku called you and wished, this time he was sad and hugged me and told .. I want to wish nanaji "happy independence day" again but I cant do it now. Papa why u left all of us so early , our kids will the best part of there life.. I wish we get more time with you .

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Some days when I see u in dreams Papa , next morning is so different , world feels so different, I feel like going back in dreams world again, this world feel like fake.. Now I can only wish that I can see you in dreams more and more frequently

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Now I undertood one thing Papa, time will neve come when we will get over the feeling of u leavin us.. we have to learn how to live without you

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Papa Missing you a lot, who will teach us now good things, who will help us in every small decision, you made us strong to take our own decisions but Papa aap humare saath hote the, we knew that u are always with us so we were confident in each and everything. Who will ask us now kaam kaisa chal raha hai , who will ask "ab to tu manager ban gaye hoge" . Papa there are so many things which u need to see abhi with us, our kids will miss u so precious's part of there life, who will guide them when they grow up , aapne itne saare longo to guide keya unke career mai , who will guide our kids papa. Why u left us so early papa.

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Hum sab bacche kitne mote hai papa phir bhi aap kabhi bhi khane se nahin dantte hamesha puchthe khana kha liya? Jab aapki tabiyat kharab thi or golu aapki dawai lene idhar udhar ghum raha tha aapne 50 times pucha golu nahin aaya ab tak.... Khana nahin khaya hoga...... No one can worry about us papa as u used to....

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You know Papa without you it feels like we are learning each thing as a new. Jo bhi pahle keya ab vahe kaam karne mai lagta hai that I am doing it first time.. even a small se small things feels different now..

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Aaj kuch aisa padha papa jise padh kar aaj ki humare dil ki sthithi saaf ho gayi yeh yekin ho gaya ki aapko acchi tarah pata tha hum aapke jane ke baad kaise rahenge........

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Some time I miss you so much Papa that i go back in days where we Lost you and ask ourself "would our any action any steps has stopped on what happened" "is there anything more we could have done?" "Did u knew that how much we need you? " w

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You taught us everything papa but did not teach us how to deal with people after you leave..... How people would change when you are not with us.... How we should react for their action......

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it has been never been like this, Life is at a standstill
not quite sure of what I want
don’t know what more that I need to do,
feels like a soul devoid of life;

one moment my joy knew no bounds,
a new beginning is what I got,
a new meaning to an existence without you

as reality dawned on me,
I felt my happiness come crashing down,
all in one big thud, I wondered
if my luck was anything but bad;

I try to find a reason,
I try to find a cure,
I tried all that was possible,
but it feels as if my life has come to a standstill;

I don’t want to give up,
I don’t want to cave in so easily,
so I am desperately plotting my revenge
against a life that has become mundane...
and take control of it once and for all
before I lose my sanity and question my very existence..

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The time were other kids distribute 50p or max 1rs choclate like kissme, orange candy or any other choclate.. we took 5rs Dairy milk choclate on our birthday to distribute in school.. with a class or 60 students, many teachers and so on..
Papa you always gave us the more , u kept us so different then other children of our time. You taught us being rich and same time being down to earth . You make us feel how we are special among others but same time how we are with others..

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Papa , as the days are passing we are missing u more as the fact that u will never come back in our life and how difficult our life will be without you in getting more stronger.

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Scenes from epics

When I was in class 2nd  or 3rd we all use to watch mahabharat together we kids used to watch it for fancy things in that like arrows or demons or magical things..... You used to tell us be quiet and listen .... But we used to chatter continuously.... Watching mahabharat again papa and reliving all memories.... And missing you more

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Identifying you

One day when I was 4 or 5 year old I went to a shop with you that day mummy tied my hair differently .... And after purchasing you were about to go because you cudnt identify me.... You have told me this incident at least 100 times.... Was it a hint or clue papa that you exist in this world in some other form only we need to identify you......

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Sometime it feels like now we are living in unreal world , or it feels like we dont have any existence .. it feels we dont have any independent existance without you papa. Everything of our was connected to u.. we are now so alone..

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Papa we still miss you a lot, we miss u more om moment where something differenr happen tgen regular, it feels like aapse share kare. You know mummy se jub baat karo it feels ek baar aisa ho ke u come from behind and say again "tu maire se kabhi baat nahi karte , bus apne mummy se karte hai". Papa we use to talk to mummy but our main part of talk was always you. And this is same from childhood , jub aap factory jaate the , we three and mummy aapke baare mai he baat karte rahte the . Papa u were everything for us all.

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We miss you in good and bad

It's about to be 3 months papa..... Why did you go? I miss you only two times when there something bad and when there's something good....

I miss your reaction.... I know what you would have told in those situation but still want to hear it from you...

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Late for school

Our school was just 10 min walking distance from home.... One day we were late for school and were scared to go as teacher would scold very badly.... We were hurrying shouting crying.... Papa was very very calm he said don't worry I will drop you by car it will take just few min for 3 of you to reach .... On the way he asked you are late by how many minutes we said only 10 min then with the same calmness he said then you should get up just 10 min earlier this is first and the last time I m dropping you off to school by car.... He did not shouted but taught us the very important lesson of the life.... I don't remember we were ever late after that in school and in college.....

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Follow up don't follow him......

One day during our conversation I asked you papa babbu ki padhai improve karne ke liye kya karun mein agar uske piche time deti hun to mera office ka kam effect hota hai or nahi  deti hun to voh independently nahin padhta hai.... Aapne bola you don't follow him piche mat pad uske.... Sirf follow up le ki tumko jo padhai karni thi voh ki yah nahin.... When you start doing this regularly he will start doing things.... Because he knows you may ask anytime and he won't feel good in saying
NO every time .....

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I miss you when......

When I start anything new when I repeat anything old when there is a solution when there is a problem when there is a confusion
when there is a hope when theres a block
when there's a way when theres a new day
When anyone take my name .....

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Why it's difficult to see mummy like this?

Seeing mummy every time it reminds of you papa I know it's supposed to be like that you both together are our parents but still you were a seperate identity..... You always hold special aura around you ... Unmatchable energy which never ever slow down.... Idea motivation creation energy work courage smile are your synonym.... And mummy reflected the same...Now without your reflection we can see mom in a different light.... it's painful papa don't know why.....but don't worry papa.....she is very strong the way you made her....

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I am copy-pasting the content from the internet.. .. trying to find the answer to why your absence hurts so much Papa, why we always feel shattered, why we never feel good on anything now.. Papa why did not you told us anything ever on how life change when someone close goes away .. Now whom we should ask how our life will be? who will tell sub kuch thik hoga ke nahi ? I need to take the internet's help to understand this part Papa, But that's not helping at all....

1.    Grief hurts because it is personal.

People say they know how you feel. No, they don't. They aren’t you. It was your loss, your relationship. That can make grief a very lonely journey.

2.    Grief hurts because it upends our world.

Everything changes. It’s like our life has stopped, that life as we knew it is over. Grief turns OUR world upside down, while others’ lives seem to go on unaffected. That hurts.

3.    Grief hurts because it's confusing.

Emotions surge up and hijack us at a moment's notice - and at the same time we have this deep, ache in our chest. Maybe we don't feel like ourselves at all. Questions surface. How did this happen? Why? What do I do now?

4.    Grief hurts because it changes us.

We’re not the same. Our lives aren’t the same. Our relationships change. People we counted on disappear. People we barely knew, or maybe didn't know at all, step forward as major players in our lives. We think and view things differently now.

5.    Grief hurts because others don't understand.

Well-meaning people say some unhelpful things. Our grief often triggers their unresolved pain, or perhaps stirs their fears of what might happen to them. They get uncomfortable, and they pull away. And that hurts.

6.    Grief hurts because it hits the heart.

It can crush and shatter it. That means we have to heal. And at some point, we have to rebuild our lives, and live with the loss.
and Grief hurts, because love is real...

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Happy, Lucky ,Golu ka result... we went to baghbhara for summer vaccations, and our school results came.. mummy called Papa and told to collect results, Papa went to school and told.. give me Happy, Lucky , Golu ka results, Principal asked what? Papa told.. Richa, Rashi and Rahul ka results.. and obvioulsy you did not remember we were in which class.. you never remember all this things, like we are in which class, our sections or any of the, we use to laugh so much talking about you on this..
Papa we miss so much now that talks , laughing on you .. wherever we three are together humare yahe kaam hota tha.. to talk about you and laugh.. vo hum teeno humare milne ka main part hota tha Papa..

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I always loved to see you giving flower to mummy on anniversary Papa, you use to get it from our garden or you will get it while comimg back from Walk.
You will ask mummy on anniversary "gulab janum khaege kya?"
Mummy aapke liye new shirt laate the hur anniversary mai ....and you always felt very happy to wear it.
As tradition breakfast was always "Sambhar Vada"
Happy Anniversary Papa.
I keep thinking about all the memories we shared , even though it hurts... as in all those memories I can feel us all together Papa

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Every one every one whom ever I talk they say, time ke saath pain will heal, they say this is truth of life, they say it happens to everyone , they say be strong, they say Papa wants to see you happy, they give give yourself time and remember good memories of him, they say all sort of things.. but Papa its impossible not to feel same as I felt on day you left us..nothing has changed Papa.. infact its becoming more painful as days passes ..as the pain of never seeing you again gets more n more strong..

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Who could belive ? Papa kept same one silver glass for water for many many years. He used same glass for every sip of water he takes in a day. Be the guest at home or be any occasion same glass for water. One time I asked Papa.. aap kyo same glass use karte ho..and reply which really was difficult for normal person to think... why to waste effort of person washing glass, if mai din bhar mai 4 baar paani peeta hu .. 4 extra bartan honge.. papa aapke jaise think karna is really very difficult.. Your thought are always different than others.
Papa aapne pata nahi dekha ke nahi, when we were doing packing for hospital.. we gave your Glass also.  You planned each thing Papa .. it was us how could not understand

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Getting up early in the morning, going for walk without missing a day... Papa how you did that always? What motivated you to do it? Always smile on the face, Always showing others the right path, Getting angry for the smallest thing like not fining the pen but not scolding or shouting for bigger mistakes we do. How you did all this always?

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I don't think any father would have been so proud about their daughter as my father was .......
He would proudly ask me to meet anyone who would come to our house and would mention all my accomplishments ....not only this he would give time to interact with people. ...talk to them, exchange ideas ,learn new fact .....today in my job that's the most important skill ....that keep me at number one position ....it's only and only because of my papa ....his proud introduction and at the same time giving opportunity to learn from people .....an unmatchable combination .....and really a vision which people fail to see in day to day life ......don't know if anyone else can introduce me ever again like he  did .....

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When I was studying at Hyderabad I wanted to come home to meet mummy and papa it was during navratri times and trains were Jam packed ....papa gave me solution that u get down at Nagpur and catch another train till champa I did same with help of one of relative at Nagpur ....but by mistake I got in to wrong train which was not suppose to stop at place where papa would be waiting for me  ......I was panicked just thinking that my papa would be waiting for me with no mobile I was not able to even inform me .....I was worried about him and he was worried about me .....just for my papa ....that he should not be worried about me ....I jumped from the train at that station ....I saw him and started crying ....he told ro mat beta tu bahut himmat Vali ladki hai ....that himmat was because of him I knew even if I get injured my papa will be there at station waiting for me and would take care but I can't see him worrying about me .......how would I ever get that strength in life papa .....without you ....don't know......

Only ...After few days when I was still at home ....papa did not forgot to explain me very very softly that what I did was dangerous and what could be other solutions instead of that  ......no one in the world can make you feel loved even if you are wrong but teaching lesson at the same time .....

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Few days back before you left us..

While walking in the corridor, I met one uncle, same about Papa's age, I did not knew him or spoke to him but always exchanged a smile and greeted "Hello uncle". One day not sure why but I did not exchange a smile, that uncle stopped me and asked.. what happen today all good? I told yes uncle all good.. He told me beta I see you daily walking here in the corridor and always a smile on your face I like that very much.. I told yes uncle I too feel good seeing you and then we started talking randomly.. One day I told him when I see u walking, I think about my Papa he too loves walking and he is the same age as yours... he told me your Parents gave you a very good upbringing, seeing u I feel very positive., Some days he had even tears in his eye ..as he felt he has no one else who talk ..
Now after returning from Gurgaon and losing you, Papa....
when I saw him the other day.. I could not stop my tears and I don't know how to talk to that uncle again. He will remind me more of you Papa and what if he asks how are your parents.. How I will tell him that my Papa is not with me now. Would my same smile he will see again, would he feel same positivity talking to me again .. Papa You was our everything, coz of you we made other person smiles, without knowing you they praised you and praised us ..

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Is there really any day which we can say its father'day?
You know its so painful to see messages and status of others wishing there Papa on Fathets,'s day, i never felt so envy on others, i never felt so helpless , without you life look no meaning,
Should I had wished you on father's day before?
No. I never, i never felt this day before..there was no realization of fathers day before today for me,

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PAPA....It's not a word it's my world ......

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PAPA....It's not a word it's my world ......

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In any long conversation with papa  mostly what we say is Haan papa ....because we really do agree with you ....your  vision ,analysis ,thought power , knowledge ,imagination .... missing you a lot papa

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LIFE

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So many things are now important part of my daily routine which  you wanted me to do .....but I always miss that encouragement and appreciation ....you were the only reason for me to think and do new things in life papa ....just to believe that you might be there seeing us from far I would do what I can but  that emptiness can never be filled ....you left us very soon .....I have unfinished task and talks....

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There are no words to describe the impact that you have on our life papa.

For some, fathers are heroes who provide and protect, while others see their father as the one who has truly guided them, from childhood throughout adulthood. Some feel father as their support for need, some as their friend…

But for us you was our life, we have no friends, no social life and nothing matter for us papa other than you, rare; but if we post anything of any social media its was just to make you feel proud . Everyone of our era has one parallel life along with family life, we too have, but that parallel life was only to show you and to see you proud on us Papa.

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You know Papa, you always told that my kids keep on laughing on each and everything, let it be u sacred with a soft toy or you worried and crying of pain even in small cut, we laugh and laugh and laugh.. you know why? we laughed as we see you happy when we are laughing. we see a sense of calmness in your face when we laugh and smile. We always knew that we have to keep you happy always. Today also we act so strong only coz we believe if there is an afterlife you would be happy to see us smiling. Papa that is the best thing we had learned from you being happy always in each and every situation. You taught us how someone's smile can affect others. How it can heal the pain of others.

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Baagh is back with his bag and water bottle

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Baagh is back with his bag and water bottle

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I wish we would have told you ....things we talk about you ..... this one was our usual line for you don't remember how it came .....but now I can relate .....you were really a tiger ....scared of nothing and  ahead in everything and when you used to go to office you always carried one bag and one water bottle .....hence the line .....I really want you to know about this line and sooooo many other things papa ......talks are unfinished.....why you left us so early papa ?

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Every day every minute every second missing you a lot papa 🙏… morning में breakfast के बाद आपके साथ बैठकर घंटो  new ideas पर discussion karna sab बहुत याद आता है पापा !!!

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I realized the path ended too soon.
Not long enough to hold your hand..
Not long enough to see your smile..
Not long enough to engage your eyes
and remember you always brimming with pride.
Not long enough to stand by your side,
as you was by mine after every rough tide.
Not long enough to laugh with you still,
after every tough hill.
Not long enough to walk with you
who has taught and guided us
In all the walks I’ve taken in my life..
I’ll remember that walk I took with you
and always wish it could have been longer.”

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Nothing has changed since you left papa ....but I am not same ....part of me which was always happy....come whatever ....is sad ....one minute alone and it brings all the old memories sometimes I laugh about it and sometimes I cry ...but that part inside me which was happy safe secure confident and comfortable is now sad ...... forever ....will time heal it ?I don't believe ....

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Papa, I need you, I feel so alone if aap hote I would have not told you all this, but internally I would have felt strength.
I feel I am so alone now, no one above me to give me support, no one
to say "sub thik hai" no one to give assurance that "life is good". I never felt so weak and alone in my entire life.
I never gave work priority over family but now for sake of other's happiness,
I need to get completely involved in work and forget about my feelings, I know
this is not the right way but I have to do it. If I don't work I will keep thinking of you and missing you.
I don't know if I am overthinking Papa.  Your absence has made us felt about your presence in each and every breath of our life.

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Writing makes me connected to papa as it is one of the things which Papa loved to do. He wrote about food, health, astrology, poems, life, business, and many more, I feel he is with me when I write,  I know, I am not good enough in writing, and if there is any afterlife please Papa give me some skills I want to be in that part of you, I want to feel that how you felt when you pen down any of your thoughts your knowledge, your learnings, and your life experiences. I want to know your integral feelings while writing

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My shift start early morning 5 :00 am daily .....
And I got to work little extra on Saturday and Sunday ....I usually call my mummy and papa morning around 6 to 6:30 am.....My papa used to always ask me beta uth gayi....I used to reply Haan papa 5 baje se consultation le rahi hun.....I know that he knows I start my work early morning but alwayssss his reply was itni jaldi ....arey wah ..... And if it's Sunday ....sun ko bhi Kam Karti hai ??.....his question was  only an appreciation that  boosted me with such positive energy and made me believe yes my papa is happy because of that

He never never never failed to appreciate me for my hard work and dedication even if it's for same thing 100th time ....and he always sound surprised as if he do not know ......

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I suddenly realized that till now in our life papa never told anything just to motivate us, but he made us such that we were always self-motivated, as he tells us motivation is an external force and you are dependent on someone outside unlike self-motivation which will always remain within you and help you grow and desire your dreams.

When I was in 10th class I decided to do something with computers, and this dream started when Papa brought us a computer at home when I was in 8th class. At that time for our computer with the internet was something like Alien, I and Golu would sit in front of a computer for long as we were curious and scared about how the internet will work? He told us to play games or do anything which we like, then he started us to give his factory office work like creating tender quotation in excel, writing a letter to print in letterhead, making kundle and many other small pieces of stuff.. At first, we were scared to do, but Papa always appreciated and told us “galte hone se daro mat”

And when we did that work, papa will tell “tum long maira office ka aadha kaam ghar se ke kar daite ho” We would feel very happy that we are contributing to the office, and that was our first phase of the dream of doing something related to computers as we felt very proud that we are contributing in papa’s office work.
Until today I love my job because it is related to computers, I choose it for myself and behind that was papa who gave us many different opportunities to explore our dreams and choose the best out of all whichwe desire

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I wish Papa you with us for many many more years

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Papa was very strict about few things and in that one was telling lie... I always wonder why he always pushes to tell us the truth, but I was a liar, I tell lie about many things and no was never caught.
One time, I remember, I did some mischief and told all that Golu did this, papa got very angry and he was shouting at Golu, he kept telling
"maine nahi keya" papa shouted at him but I kept quiet. That day got over and we all slept, obviously, I was very happy that I did not get any shout and I was very proud that how I fooled everyone.
The next morning papa came to me and told me privately "Beta mujhe samjh aa gaya that ke vo tune keya tha but mai nahi Chhahta ke sub ko pata chale because sub tujhe lier sochenge" and he said "jhuuth bola koe baat nahi but kabhi
be aisa jhuuth mat bolo jisse kese ka nuksan ho ya koe hurt ho".
Ohh, God, those words of papa make me touched so deeply... he shouted at Golu knowingly as that day he felt it is more important to teach me the difference between Lie and White Lie.
Believe me or not after that incident I never told any lie which can hurt others, yes now I only tell a White lie
That's my papa's way of teaching us good things

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After 12th, I was selected for engineering, and for counseling me and Papa were going to Bhopal by train. Just one stop before Bhopal, when the train stopped, Papa went down in the station and told me "I will come quickly". I told "papa jalde aana train jayada nahi rukage" .. and in a while train start ho gaye and papa nahi aaye.. I got so worried, people around me told me "beta don't worry papa aa jaennge " we waited and waited for around 10 mins. but still, no clue where papa was. Again seeing me worried people told me " don't worry we will help you in Bhopal and take care of you" Then I realized ohh they are worried about me.. I told them.. no no .. I am not worried for me, I can manage I am worried about my papa, he can't manage alone,.. they laughed at me.. just then we saw papa coming .. and we all in relief.. One uncle told papa that your daughter got scared but we told her that we will help and all.. and they were shocked when papa replied "She is my daughter and she will never be scared of anything and never worried about what she will do alone..She would be scared that uske papa akale kaise manage karenge". Papa always taught us "Be strong and bold" he always believed that "We three are more strong than him"

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I still remember this poster at our factory in Papa's office

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Would a day ever come where I will not miss you? Everytime I do something it reminds me that how you would react or feel

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I wish , I can give same teaching to my kids that you gave us. I wish , I can give them same environment to grow which you gave us .

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I try to find words to say how much I miss you Papa , but how i can write that in words. You were our everything Papa and u knew that still you left us.

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Papa never used to go to the vegetable vendors or any grocery shopping. One day no one else was there so he told me "come we both will go", I was so surprised and went with him.. we reached there and he saw many hawkers busy selling fresh vegetables. He kept looking for some time and saw one old lady sitting in a corner with very few vegetables. Papa told me come we will go there. I furiously told papa they are not so fresh so only no one is there and why to buy from there. Papa looked at me with a smile on his face and told "beta hum thode kum fresh sabji lenge to koe harm nahi hoga, but humare aisa karne se vo old lady ke ghar me khana mel jaega" I was not fully convinced and I asked but papa no one is taking from her ..Again added .. "kya jaruri hai hum sub jaisa soche hum subke soch badal nahi sakte but ho sakta hai hume dekh ke or bhi long yaha aaye ". I left that conversation there and did what papa said. Truly speaking I don’t know how much I understood that time but yes, after growing up actually I can realize that incident has changed my perspective toward life in many ways.

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Any path in life I took , I always thought what path you would choose and belive me I was never wrong.