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As I have gotten older, I have become aware of the ever-increasing presence of marital themes in my daily life. Not only are several of my friends getting married, but some are having children! It's intimidating to think of how I have reached the "prime marriage" age range. During this time, I seem to constantly come across messages about what marriage should look like and when it should happen. The article below touches on some assumptions that are commonly made about marriage.
As an individual, how do you decide which messages about marriage to listen to? How do you deal with media sources that only point out the flaws in marriages? What assumptions about marriage do you have?

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You'd think we'd evolve past it, but young women are still implicitly taught that the only way to succeed is to find a husband and fulfill our "princess" role, as Rashida Jones once it. Of course, the assumption is that without that overly expensive wedding, the flashy diamond ring and lifelong legal bond to a man, women are somehow not whole. There's still a presumption that there is some clear-cut divide between "single" and "taken," as Ann Friedman aptly at Talking Points Memo.

But we've come far enough to know that's just not true. Marriage can be great, but it's not everything we say it is. Let's cut through the bullshit and $451 wedding cake.

These are the myths we need to stop telling women about marriage.

1. Women need to get married to be truly happy.

Long seen as the pinnacle of achievement in a young woman's life, marriage is not a golden ticket to happiness. Yes, some studies find marriage to be positively correlated with well-being. But the truth is that happiness is circumstantial and depends mostly on who you're with, not the institution itself.

"We each have a baseline of happiness, and marriage on average isn't going to change that - except for that little blip," Bella M. DePaulo, author of the book Singled Out, WebMD, referring to that found married couples see a small spike in happiness after the wedding.

More importantly, there are so many things that contribute to a person's happiness: fulfilling careers, relationships, family, hobbies and lifelong friends, to name only a few.

2. If you don't get married before 30, it will be too late.

No, women do not have expiration dates after which they become un-weddable. In fact, being unmarried by 30 is actually more common than not: The median age for first marriage is now at a record high of 27 for women and 29 for men (versus in 1960, when the median first marriage age was 20 and 23, respectively). As Pew Research Center , "Today, just 20% of adults ages 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59% in 1960." Getting married after 30 is indeed possible, so we can put aside the idea of the spinster covered in cats. Just ask Tina Knowles.

3. Women need to marry men.

Obviously, with same-sex marriage being in 37 states and marriage equality gaining support from major religious communities, we know this isn't true.

When women do marry women, they go on to have just as fulfilling relationships as heterosexual women do - if not even better. A British study from 2014 found that same-sex couples were likelier to be more positive about their relationship than heterosexual couples, according to the Huffington Post. Happy marriages are anyone's right.

4. Women are better off financially if they settle down early.

If being single can feel expensive, then you might assume this myth to be true: The sooner a woman marries, the sooner she becomes financially secure. But according to "Knot Yet: The Benefits and Costs of Delayed Marriage," a 2013 study sponsored by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, women who are 30 or older when they first marry have higher average salaries than women who marry before 30 (as much as $18,000 more).

That's because delaying marriage affords women the time and opportunity to find financial security and a career path on their own. Turns out young women don't need partners to bankroll their life.

5. Successful women can't also have successful marriages.

Characters like Miranda Priestly would suggest that a woman who attempts to juggle a high-powered career can't possibly keep a family and marriage in the air, too. But we know that's just not true, even if women are working as much as men. Today, women are racking up about the same 55 hours of work a week as their husbands. Women's achievements don't weaken a marriage. If anything, they bring more to the table.

6. Most other women your age are getting married.

The persistent recurrence of engagement season - with diamond rings and "He proposed!" statuses cluttering your Facebook - is enough to give any woman the perception that she is the only one her age not getting married. However, to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, singles now outnumber married adults in America. In 2014, 50.2% of American adults were single, a record high. Don't give in to the social media hype - peer pressure went out of style in middle school.

7. Being married is more stable than just living together.

Just because someone isn't married doesn't mean they don't have successful, long-lasting relationships. In fact, as marriage becomes increasingly delayed, the number of cohabiting couples is on the rise. "About a quarter (24%) of never-married young adults ages 25 to 34 are living with a partner," to Pew Research Center. Often, cohabiting relationships can endure in the long term, as couples can test the strength of their relationships and benefit from spending quality time at home with their partners. Getting a marriage certificate doesn't validate a relationship - love, mutual respect and commitment do.

8. If you've slept with a lot of people, nobody will want to marry you.

The number of sexual partners someone has before marriage has no implication on whether or not they will make a good wife, obviously. Plus, gone are the days of the virgin bride: According to the Guttmacher Institute, by age 44, 99% of adults have had sex, and 95% did so before marriage.

Besides, if we're really judging people on their number of sex partners, you've got to think something else is missing from the relationship.

9. Divorce = failure.

The stigma of divorce has remained for decades, with the "D word" being synonymous with failure. But marriage is only valuable as long as it's healthy and happy. The belief that a "failed marriage" is a total failure only does more to stigmatize those who make that healthy choice.

Just because one marriage ended doesn't mean a woman can't go on to have fulfilling relationships after. Four in 10 marriages involve some sort of remarriage.

10. If you want kids, better be married first.

In what the National Marriage Project the "Great Crossover," the average age of first birth has fallen under the average age of first marriage, a phenomenon that actually occurred about 20 years ago. Today, women on average have their first baby at 26, and of all U.S. births take place outside of marriage. For those who want to take control of their fertility without waiting for a ring, advances such as egg freezing, not to mention adoption and fostering and IVF, have made the options endless and wholly untethered from marriage.

11. You'll know you've met the "one" when you want to marry them.

Historically, marriages have been about merging property and stabilizing family ties. It was only in the last few decades that romantically oriented, egalitarian marriages have been in vogue. Besides, marriage is a lot more than knowing if someone is the "one true love." Never-married women are looking for someone with similar ideas on raising children, a steady job and the same moral or religious beliefs. Healthy relationships are about more than finding a "soul mate."

12. The best way to celebrate marriage is a fancy wedding.

The average American wedding now costs $31,213. But the couples celebrating their nuptials in a public garden might have the right idea: Studies indicate that couples who spend less on their wedding have a lower risk of divorce. The same holds true for couples who get hitched sans the expensive diamond rings. Ultimately, weddings should be about the lifelong commitment to someone, not the party that legalizes it. Break out the PBR.

13. "Traditional marriage."

Anyone who still believes in the 1950s-prescribed picket fence, two kids and breadwinning husband "ideal" is sorely mistaken. In a 2014 report from the Council on Contemporary Families, it was found that the structure of the modern family has taken on many new shapes. Today, only 22% of children are raised in the classic homemaker-breadwinner family. Instead, the modern family is made up of unmarried cohabiting partners, single moms, single dads and grandparents.

Not to mention, married couples are increasingly embracing more fluid structures, like open relationships, being "monogamish" and consensual non-monogamy.

Marriage is hardly done one way - if at all.

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13 Lies We Need to Stop Telling Women About Marriage

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You'd think we'd evolve past it, but young women are still implicitly taught that the only way to succeed is to find a husband and fulfill our "princess" role, as Rashida Jones once it. Of course, the assumption is that without that overly expensive wedding, the flashy diamond ring and lifelong legal bond to a man, women are somehow not whole.

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As many of us know from multiple psychology courses, the early years of a child's life determine so much about personality and functioning. What we teach a child about gender and gender roles can have a lifetime impact. In response, some stores have considered not segregating their toys for boys and girls, but instead putting all of the toys in a mixed arrangement on the same aisle.
Do you think that this is a step in the right direction? If so, do you think that combining the toys is enough? Should companies stop making "girl" toys and "boy" toys?

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Girls' toys. Boys' toys. To many parents, the ubiquity of separate color-coded shopping aisles feels natural, reflecting a belief in innate gender differences and discrete interests. Recently, however, campaigns such as Let Toys Be Toys and No Gender December have made international headlines for championing desegregated toy aisles, recommending reorganization by theme or interest instead. Rather than believing dolls and crafts are for girls while trucks and science kits are for boys, "we think all toys are for all children," explains Let Toys Be Toys campaigner Jo Jowers, who lives in England.

President Obama waded into the matter in December, when at a Toys for Tots event he suggested a T-ball set was an ideal gift for girls. "I'm just trying to break down these gender stereotypes," he said at the time.

"Children use toys to try on new roles, experiment, and explore interests," explains Susan Linn, executive director of the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. "Rigidly gendered toy marketing tells kids who they should be, how they should behave, and what they should be interested in" - an unhealthily prescriptive situation.

Recent research demonstrates today's toys are divided by gender at historically unprecedented levels. "There are now far fewer non-gendered items available for children than in any prior era," says Elizabeth Sweet, a postdoctoral scholar at the University of California at Davis - even fewer than 50 years ago, when gender discrimination was socially acceptable.

How can this be? The answer lies in significant media industry changes during the 1980s, when the Federal Communications Commission's television deregulation removed longstanding limitations on children's advertising and widespread consumer adoption of cable allowed media owners to target more narrowly segmented audiences than ever before. As a result, marketers suddenly viewed children as a segmentable, highly lucrative demographic after largely ignoring them for 50 years.

Perhaps it is unsurprising, then, that two of today's most successful companies - Disney, whose Princess brand is the No. 2 licensed property in the United States and Canada, and LEGO, which recently surpassed Mattel as the world's largest toy maker - were early adopters of the trend to meticulously segment the child market by gender in the late 1980s. The licensing success of Disney's The Little Mermaid in 1989 prompted several additional princess film releases in quick succession, positioning Disney as a formidable power in the girl market. Likewise, in 1988, LEGO debuted its "Zack the LEGO Maniac" campaign, squarely positioning itself as a boy brand. A year later, LEGO began tailoring its minifigs' historically gender-neutral faces to include lipstick and facial hair - clear gender markers.

The ripple effects of these monumental 1980s-era marketing changes are evident today. Now, once classically gender-neutral toys are produced in "boy" and "girl" versions: Radio Flyer wagons, Tinkertoys, Mega Bloks, Fisher-Price stacking rings, and everything in between come in "pinkwashed'' varieties, in hopes that families with children of each sex will buy twice the toys. Meanwhile, Disney Princess's record-breaking profits prompted a proliferation of princess items from competitors, and Disney bought Marvel and Lucasfilm, the Star Wars creator, to compete for the boy market. Similarly, LEGO competes for girls' purchasing power not through inclusivity but by offering separate, stereotypically girlish themes, like Disney Princess and LEGO Friends.

What does this mean for today's families? Lori Day, an educational consultant and psychologist in Newburyport and author of Her Next Chapter: How Mother-Daughter Book Clubs Can Help Girls Navigate Malicious Media, Risky Relationships, Girl Gossip, and So Much More, argues that children's play has been altered, with long-term consequences. "Boys and girls stop playing together at a much younger age than was developmentally typical until this recent gender segmentation," she says. "The resulting rigidly stereotyped gender roles are unhealthy for both males and females, who are actually more alike than different." Sweet concurs: "This kind of marketing has normalized the idea that boys and girls are fundamentally and markedly different from one another, and this very idea lies at the core of many of our social processes of inequality."

Parents can push back against these problems, however, by raising critically aware children. Jennifer Shewmaker, a psychology professor at Abilene Christian University in Abilene, Texas, and author of Sexualized Media Messages and Our Children: Teaching Kids to Be Smart Critics and Consumers, suggests: "When you see stereotyped advertisements, ask the child, 'What do you think about the way that depicts girls and boys? Is that how the boys and girls in your life act?' " Carolyn Danckaert, cofounder of Washington, D.C.-based empowerment resource site A Mighty Girl, adds, "When parents explain that some people think only girls or only boys are good at something but their family disagrees, children can recognize stereotypes for what they are."

Not all parents share such concerns, of course. Jo Paoletti, an American studies professor at the University of Maryland in College Park and author of Pink and Blue: Telling the Boys From the Girls in America, attributes differing opinions to ongoing culture wars. "Adults who subscribe to more traditional, conservative gender roles see children's preferences for stereotypical clothing and toys as natural expressions of innate differences," Paoletti says. As such, Erin McNeill, founder and president of Watertown-based Media Literacy Now, advocates for integrating media literacy into the K-12 curriculum. "Some parents won't notice or be concerned about the gendering of products. It's important that all children have the opportunity to gain the critical thinking skills to understand how and why gendered ads target them," she says.

Related coverage:

- Finding a summer camp that fits your child's needs

- 7 things every kid should master

- Parents, you've been doing pep talks all wrong

- More from the Magazine

Rebecca Hains is an associate professor of advertising and media studies at Salem State University, where she serves as assistant director of the Center for Childhood and Youth Studies. She's the author of "The Princess Problem: Guiding Our Girls Through the Princess-Obsessed Years." Send comments to magazine@globe.com.

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campaign for a commercial-free childhood

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The problem with separate toys for girls and boys - The Boston Globe

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Girls' toys. Boys' toys. To many parents, the ubiquity of separate color-coded shopping aisles feels natural, reflecting a belief in innate gender differences and discrete interests. Recently, however, campaigns such as Let Toys Be Toys and No Gender December have made international headlines for championing desegregated toy aisles, recommending reorganization by theme or interest instead.

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The usage of "woman"' and "girl" has been a sensitive topic for me. I have noticed the differences between how it is generally seen as offensive for grown men to be referred to as "boys," but the same is not assumed for calling adult females "girls." Do you think that grown women should never be called girls? Should there be different standards for men and women? Why is being called a "boy" or "girl" offensive?

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According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "woman" is defined as "an adult female human being. The counterpart of man." ("Man," on the other hand, is not defined as "the counterpart of woman." Figures.) "Girl," however, is usually meant to signify "young woman." Technically, those are correct. But to some, their usage in the wrong context can range from being inappropriate to just plain offensive.

Hey girl... I mean, woman.

Only a woman would pick at the minute differences that distinguish those two words, right? Not quite. Though used almost interchangeably, "girl" and "woman" connote two distinct ideas of what it means to identify as female.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "woman" is defined as "an adult female human being. The counterpart of man." ("Man," on the other hand, is not defined as "the counterpart of woman." Figures.) "Girl," however, is usually meant to signify "young woman." Technically, those are correct. But to some, their usage in the wrong context can range from being inappropriate to just plain offensive.

At the most basic level, it's an age thing. Many refer to females as "girls" until they are around college age, then switch to the term "young women." When females reach the dreaded age of thirty, they are referred to as, simply, "women."

For the sake of having a pop culture reference to work with, let's look at HBO's acclaimed/decried show about the lives of four twentysomethings in New York City. The main characters are routinely portrayed as whiny and careless. Like anyone who refuses to grow up, they keep stumbling, not quite coming to terms with the fact that there's more to life than their small, racially homogeneous social circle. Perhaps not coincidentally, the eponymous title dubs these characters "Girls."

Whether having the title speak to the blatant capriciousness that is associated with being a "girl" is a deliberate stroke of Lena Dunham's creative genius is up to you. Her choice to equate "girls" with puerility and immaturity is not unlike tropes such as the "girl next door," a "girly girl," or the high school favorite "Girls Gone Wild."

"Woman," then, serves as a contrast to this youthful depiction of females. Second-wave feminists, especially, preferred the term: they emphasized the drawbacks of using a term like "girl" when talking about females, for it implies a certain docility that they believed stripped women of control. In any case, "woman" is meant to indicate an acquired sense of maturity and self-respect that "girls" lack.

Professor of Anthropology Susan Greenhalgh believes that the "girl/woman" problem "highlights the limits of our language."

"The terms 'male' and 'female' are gender-neutral, but not especially desirable for describing social issues, since they signal biological aspects of gender," she said in an email, because she was unavailable to meet with FM this weekend. "For college-aged 'males,' we have the helpful term 'guys,' which allows us to avoid both 'men' and 'boys.' For 'females,' there is no similar term (the comparable term, 'gals,' having gone out of fashion a long time ago), forcing us to choose between 'girls' and 'women.'"

While there may indeed be ways to add misogynistic undertones to "woman" as well, there seems to be less implicit devaluation in the term. It might have to do with how the concept of being a "woman" is also connected to motherhood-and we're all supposed to respect our mothers. As comedian Louis C.K. eloquently puts it, being a "woman" is "when people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams."

To Greenhalgh, the potential pitfalls of the word "woman" are outweighed by the term's benefits. "Either we need to reshape the meanings of our language or we need to introduce a new term," she said. "I vote for young women to embrace the term 'woman' and work harder to create meanings around it that are positive and empowering."

More recently, however, pop culture has attempted to reclaim the word "girl" and liken it to the respectability that accompanies "woman." One need look no further than Beyoncé's almost annual female empowerment track release, "We Run the World (Girls)," or the Tumblrverse's "Feminist Ryan Gosling," which depicts "girls" as both intelligent and playful, in control and with a splash of youthful sass-the best of both sides of the "girl/woman" divide. To give you a better sense of what we mean, try a telling meme quote attributed to the sensitively imagined stud himself: "Hey girl. Derrida thinks language is fluid enough to break the gender divide, but nothing will split us apart."

Well said, boy.

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According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "woman" is defined as "an adult female human being. The counterpart of man." ("Man," on the other hand, is not defined as "the counterpart of woman." Figures.) "Girl," however, is usually meant to signify "young woman." Technically, those are correct.

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Lately, I have been watching Jeffree Star, a male make up artist and YouTube star. Over the past couple of years, the range of beauty products for males (and used by males) has increased dramatically as negative stigma surrounding males using make up have been decreasing.
Do you think that men should be able to use make up? Why or why not?
Should there be separate formulas and packaging for "male" products? If so, do you think that the differences between "male" and "female" products will further expand the gap between the two genders?

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FENTY BEAUTY by RIHANNA... HIT OR MISS?! | Jeffree Star

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HEY EVERYONE! Today I'm doing a review and first impressions on Rihanna's new makeup line FENTY BEAUTY! Last night I got to go to her launch party in New York City and it was amazing!!

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Celebrities are often put under the social microscope. Not only do they have to avoid paparazzi, but they also must be prepared for interviews about their work. Unfortunately, interviewers sometimes vary their questions based on the gender of their guest. Do you think that there should be topics that should be avoided during celebrity interviews? At what point does a question become sexist?

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About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post rounding up flawless celebrity responses to sexist reporter questions. As much as I hope I didn't have to add onto that, I do. In the months since, reporters have continued to ask female celebrities absurd and sexist questions, and males sexist questions about their fellow females. The good news? Perhaps inspired by the women before them and the Internet's "hell yes" response to the sassiness, celebrities (both male and female) have become more bold and honest. They aren't afraid to talk back to a reporter or to call them out for sexism - and the result is a whole bunch of perfect responses calling out press.

If you've ever watched the footage of an awards show red carpet, you've heard the questions we're referring to - "Who are you wearing?" and "How do you stay in such great shape?" and "What's your secret for ~having it all?~" As a former Us Weekly intern who used to go to red carpets and interview celebrities, I do have some sympathy for some of the reporters. Many red carpet reporters are interns or freelancers who rely on the gigs to make money and have their dream job. They are very often told exactly what they have to ask by someone higher up than them, and then if they don't ask it, they can get in trouble or even fired. I also understand where the question "Who are you wearing?" usually comes from. Designers usually make custom dresses for A+ actresses, and because of that, they expect publicity. One way to get it is to have reporters ask the celebrity who they're wearing, which ensures that the designer gets a shout out.

So, in some ways, the background makes sense. But that still doesn't mean it's fair. While women get questioned on their outfits, their makeup, and their workout regimes, men get deeper questions about their film roles and their careers. Men are also given suits from designers who want publicity - so why aren't they asked about them? Men, too, work hard to keep their bodies in shape in Hollywood. So why aren't they asked about the gym? Of course, they sometimes are - but women get asked these things much more often, and get asked the hard-hitting questions much less often.

And honestly? Everyone is pretty sick of it. Since my last post, there have been tons more sassy and flawless responses to sexist questions, and they will make you feel better about humanity and the world we live in. It's time to #AskHerMore and do things differently. Here are 26 perfect times stars shut down sexist questions:
1. When Amy Schumer had the best, and most honest, response to the "who are you wearing?" question at the 2016 Emmys: 2. When Taylor Swift pointed out this unfair double standard when asked why her music is about her exes:

3. When Jennifer Lawrence got sassy and made the question about her dress seem just as ridiculous as it was: 4. When Tom Hardy got blunt, but kept it simple, when a reporter asked him something insanely sexist: 5. When Tina and Amy used their role as Golden Globes hosts to point out something like this:
6. When Cosmopolitan asked Mark Ruffalo the questions that female celebrities usually get asked, and he proved their point on how dumb it is:

7. When Melissa McCarthy used her spot on The Ellen Show to call out a sexist reporter: 8. When Emma Stone straight up told it like it is during a press conference: 9. That time Scarlett Johansson got more than a little annoyed when she was asked about the underwear she wore while filming: 10. When Anne Hathaway expertly handled Matt Lauer creepily bringing up her wardrobe malfunction: 11. When Ariana Grande was asked to choose between her makeup and her cell phone during a radio interview and told them off: 12. When Lena Dunham was asked a badly worded, rude question about her nudity on Girls.
She said, it's "a realistic expression of what it's like to be alive. But I totally get it. If you're not into me, that's your problem and you're going to have to work that out with professionals."
13. That time at a press conference when Ryan Reynolds reacted to the idea that it was surprising that women would like superhero movies.
He said, "Women love f*cking superhero movies! Clearly they go to these movies. It's sort of funny that studios are sort of the last to know that... I think the action and the humour is what appeals to women, you know, the same thing."
14. When Rowan Blanchard reminded us of how badass she is when she responded to a red carpet question about her dieting:
She said, "Try and reverse that. 'Do you have any dieting tips for other teenage boys? I mean, come on."
15. When Daniel Radcliffe was told it was weird to sexualize him since he had grown up in front of the camera, and he pointed out this gem: 16. The moment Jennifer Aniston finally responded to the constant rumors about her private life and pregnancy decisions:
She told , "I don't like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women, that you've failed yourself as a female because you haven't procreated. I don't think it's fair."

17. This old interview where Helen Mirren got PISSED about being referred to as a less serious actress because of her breast size:

18. When Uzo Aduba, Natasha Lyonne, and Samira Wiley were asked the MOST absurdly sexist interviews that almost sounded fake by calling them out as misogynistic:

19. The moment Serena Williams expertly shut this down: 20. When Melissa McCarthy addressed the sexism about Ghostbusters: 21. When Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer fired back after Playboy asked why they're "sneakily" feminist:
Abbi said, "We're both totally up-front and proud feminists. We're not being all secretive about it. I feel we're pretty blatant in our approach." Ilana added, "I think it's kind of crazy that we're still calling comedians 'female comedians.' That seems more like a sneak attack. Abbi said, "I mean, sure, if you play the episodes of Broad City backward, there are hidden messages." And Ilana finished, " 'Diiiie, men.' If you play any Broad City episode backward, that's all we're saying."
22. The time Kristen Bell reminded a reporter that you don't need a Prince Charming: 23. When Amy Poehler pointed this out to a male reporter:

24. When Fifth Harmony acted flawless, as usual, after this weird question about Jennifer Lopez being too old for her new music video: 25. When Charlize Theron was like, "Uh, women get angry?"

26. And when Ariana Grande reminded us of why she's so amazing: Which one of these responses is your favorite? What did we forget to include? Share in the comments! You can follow the author, Jessica Booth, on Twitter or Instagram.

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26 Perfect Times Celebrities Shut Down Sexist Interview Questions - Gurl.com

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About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post rounding up flawless celebrity responses to sexist reporter questions. As much as I hope I didn't have to add onto that, I do. In the months since, reporters have continued to ask female celebrities absurd and sexist questions, and males sexist questions about their ...

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Currently in the military, there are double standards for male and females when it comes to requirements for physical training. Males are required to do more push ups and run faster. Do you think that this is fair? Should women have lower expectations for their physical training? How does this affect the safety of military personnel that are deployed?

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Earlier this month, the U.S. Marine Corps announced that it was postponing its self-imposed deadline for women to be held to the same physical fitness standard as men. On January 1, 2014 female Marines would have been required to complete three pull ups on their physical fitness test; the same requirement as male Marines. Over 50 percent of women were unable to complete the new standard. Therefore, Marines chose to delay the deadline and allow women to pass without meeting the equal standard. With the military so willing to ignore these equal standards, one must wonder, does the military have a double standard when it comes to gender equality?

Last year military leadership lifted the ban on women in combat positions like the infantry and special operations without a clear pathway to successful integration. Physical standards and equality remain a primary issue of contention.

For decades, women and men have had 'equal but different' physical standards. The military recognized that men and women have different physical qualities which led to the generation of a separate physical grading scale. Correspondingly, women were also prohibited from the majority of combat roles including special operations, infantry, and other ground roles that required a higher level of physical performance. Now that women are able to pursue these combat arms-type positions within the military, the physical demand of the mission must be addressed.

So how you do handle this challenge? The answer lies in equality. But the word equality is not ambiguous. Equality is the state of being equal, and equal is defined as being of the same measure, quantity, amount or number as another. The same standards, the same treatment, the same physical requirements, regardless of your gender. No political correctness, no ulterior motives. No senior level officers getting to bolster their Officer Evaluation Reports with accolades of leading the integration of females into infantry units.

Whenever compromise occurs in the 'name of equality' it only further perpetuates female stereotypes that women have spent years combating in the military. Military leaders must stand firm on equality and not buckle to the pressures of meeting a female quota at the expense of creating double standards of equality. We want the best and most qualified defending our freedoms and way of life. It doesn't matter if they are pretty, ugly, male, female, tall, or short, as long as they are the best physically, mentally, and emotionally to accomplish the mission of defending our nation.

Gender success should not be the focus of this issue, as the Marines hinted was the reason they have delayed enforcing the equal standard. Mission success must be the number one priority, as the military's purpose cannot be skewed by attempts at social engineering. Believe it or not, our national security depends on these standards that ensure mission success. We must maintain the most lethal and elite military in the world by meeting a mission standard, not a gender standard. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. A standard is a standard.

The mission standard of these critical and vital units must not be lowered to meet the needs of females. If women are able to meet the physical standards required of the position, then good for them. They should then be granted every opportunity that a man is offered. But do not expect to have that opportunity without being able to toe-the-line with men. You're going to have to on the battlefield anyway. The mission isn't any less demanding because women are suddenly trying to accomplish it.

And the majority of women in the military don't expect or want different standards based solely upon their gender. They want to succeed based upon their own actions and merits, not be handed a consolation prize because they were granted special treatment. Military women don't need to appease certain parts of society that demand this change without ever having served in the military. Women who have been in the military for some time understand the resentment that comes along with 'equal but different' standards in a world that demands equality.

Unfortunately, as with the Marines, we are seeing military leadership more concerned with fulfilling quotas than meeting mission priorities. Many are more focused on setting women up for successful entries into these positions than actually holding them accountable to the standard. Often men train for months to get physically prepared for certain job positions within the military. If women know they have a weak spot physically, shouldn't they be required to do the same instead of lowering a standard or postponing a deadline? This is a double standard in a society that preaches equality and a military that demands personal responsibility.

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Gender equality? A double standard for women in the military

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Earlier this month, the U.S. Marine Corps announced that it was postponing its self-imposed deadline for women to be held to the same physical fitness standard as men. On January 1, 2014 female Marines would have been required to complete three pull ups on their physical fitness test; the same requirement as male Marines.

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I've been watching anime for a few years now, and one of the most important things to know about anime is that it's not always what you expect it to be. Some of them don't make any sense, and others could be considered pornography. Although there are many shows that are thought-provoking and high-quality, watchers should be aware that many animes have some level of "fan service." Fan service is any sexually suggestive image found within anime. Common forms of fan service include shots of characters that are zoomed in on sexual body parts and extremely oversized breasts or butts. I have including a link that explicitly ranks animes according to their levels of fan service. When it comes to watching tv shows, when should a show be considered pornography? Since animators have the ability to expand the human body to insane levels, is it morally right for them to do so? What does the commonality of sexualized females and the lack of sexualized males in anime say about Japanese culture?

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If you've landed on this list of the best fan service anime, then we probably don't have to tell you what the definition of that term is (hint it's not a repair man coming over to fix your ceiling fan). We've compiled the top fan service anime of all time for this poll, and with the help of your votes have made a definitive greatest fan service anime list. Plenty of hot anime girls to be found in them! Just don't expect these to be mature anime or ecchi animes. Sure you've heard of shows like HighSchool DxD and Kill la Kill, but what about lesser known but amazing series like LADIES VS BUTLERS? We've included clips from each show for you to preview on this page, so find one you like and dive in! You can find some of this fan service anime on Netflix, including Freezing, Kill la Kill and Heaven's Lost Property.

These are the anime with the most fanservice, so you'll be seeing things like big boobs, up-skirt underwear shots, and enough innuendo to feed a starving army. As already stated, if you landed on this page, you probably found what you were looking for. Did we miss an obvious show for the list, or is there maybe a new fan service anime that hasn't been added yet? Go ahead and add it yourself, just sign in and you can add as many of your favorites shows as you like.

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If you've landed on this list of the best fan service anime, then we probably don't have to tell you what the definition of that term is (hint it's not a repair man coming over to fix your ceiling fan). We've compiled the top fan service anime of all time for this poll, and with the help of...

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In this interview, Dr. Phil questions this self-labeled "sugar baby" about her interactions with other men. After listening to this interview, consider these questions. 1. How should members of society respond to those who participate in being sugar babies and sugar daddies? Was Dr. Phil in the wrong with how he conducted the interview?
2. Do you agree with the woman's claims that she can help husbands be better to their wives? How do you think having a sugar baby could affect the marriage of the man?

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"Sugar Baby" Reveals Why Married Men Cheat With Her For Thousands Of Dollars

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http://drphil.com Buy Life Code: http://bitly.com/LifeCodeDP Subscribe to Dr. Phil: http://bitly.com/SubscribeDrPhil LIKE us on Facebook: http://bitly.com/DrPhilFacebook Follow us on Twitter: http://bitly.com/DrPhilTwitter

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This is an advertisement for an event held at a local church that was found in the bulletin board. After reading the descriptions at the bottom of the photo, consider the message portrayed by the church. What do the difference between the male and female experiences at the event imply about the place of men and women in the church? Do you think that the church would be okay with a female wanting to participate in building the corn hole set? What about a male wanting to be pampered? Does the young age group (1st-6th grade) of this event impact your opinion of this kind of event?

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A female student at BYU who was raised Morman is part of a feminist group on campus. She and other members of the group find the university's ban on sex and the strict dress codes for women to be forms of slut-shaming.
Do you think universities should have the right to mandate standards of students' sex lives?
What about homosexuality?

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Growing up Mormon in Yakima, Washington, I was told to save sex for marriage. Teachers in the Church would chew gum and say, "Would you want this now that I've used it? That's like a girl who doesn't preserve her chastity." It was hard to hear because I'm a sexual person. My mom found my vibrator when I was 15. I had to talk to a bishop about it because Mormons aren't supposed to masturbate.

Around the same time, a guy in his 20s, who had just come home from his Mormon mission, sexually assaulted me. I'd never kissed a boy. It was scary. I told my parents and our bishop, and I was banned from church for a month. I was punished because a man had touched me.

When I came to BYU last year, I signed its honor code and promised to live a "chaste life" - students who don't could get expelled. But my attitude changed after I joined the Young Mormon Feminists, a group that's not endorsed by the Church or BYU. We talk about how the Church doesn't see women as equal to men and how BYU is slut-shaming. The school's honor code forces women to dress modestly - no skirts above the knee - supposedly to help men control their thoughts. The group helped me reclaim my sexuality and realize my sexual assault wasn't my fault. I'm now in a questioning phase with the Church. I still think the idea of committing to someone for eternity is beautiful, but the Church could use improvement in the way it treats women.

I think the majority of students at BYU do live chastely - the consensus is you shouldn't do more than make out. But if you want sex, or a hookup, at BYU, you can find it. I have met guys on Tinder (Yes, we use Tinder!), and since we can't have men in our dorms, we'd drive to Squaw Peak, a makeout spot, and do everything but. I would definitely be considered a slut by Mormon standards.

The truth is, I'm not a virgin. I'm a sexual woman and a proud feminist, and I don't feel bad about it. But it's hard to admit that, because women at BYU who aren't virgins are treated as inferiors and that's not fair.

Talking about this could get me in trouble, but I want to start a discussion about changing an honor code that hurts women. BYU needs to know that it's OK for women to be sexual, and it's not OK to punish them for it. I care enough about this school to want to push for change. I'd rather be judged and scrutinized than silenced and shamed.
Keli Byers is a sophomore at BYU.
This article was originally published as "I'm Fighting My School's Ban on Sex" in the September 2014 issue of Cosmopolitan. Click here to subscribe to the digital edition!

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Growing up Mormon in Yakima, Washington, I was told to save sex for marriage. Teachers in the Church would chew gum and say, "Would you want this now that I've used it? That's like a girl who doesn't preserve her chastity." It was hard to hear because I'm a sexual person.

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Transgender men reveal what it's like to have lived in the world from both male and female perspectives. The author emphasizes cultural sexism and also how experiencing the world as a woman is very different from experiencing it as a man.
Were you surprised at the differences that the author noticed? How do you think your life would change if you changed genders?

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Three guys are sitting at a Harlem bartop eating fries, drinking whiskey and talking about love. One of them, Bryce Richardson, is about to propose to his girlfriend.

"I'm putting it together in my head, I'm like: 'He's gonna be one of my groomsmen, he's gonna be one of my groomsmen,'" he points to his two friends and grins. The other men light up when they hear the news and start talking about rings, how much they cost, will it be princess cut or pear shaped? Pictures are Googled, phones are passed around. "That was one of my dreams, to get married, to be somebody's husband, to be somebody's father," says one of the friends, Redd Barrett. "From when I was like 12, I used to think about that all the time."

I ask the groom-to-be how he knew his girlfriend was the one. They met at work, he says, and by the time he came out to her, they were already in love. "I said 'I'm trans, and you're not gonna want me anyway," he recalls, unable to keep the smile off his face. "And she said 'I'm in love with you, I don't care about that.'" His friend Tiq nods and says, "That's your wife, right there."

All three men are trans. But if they hadn't said so, you wouldn't have known.

Over the last three years, transgender awareness has exploded. From Orange is the New Black to Transparent, from Janet Mock to Caitlyn Jenner, America has a growing fascination with the lives of transgender people, most recently in light of recent debates over controversial bathroom laws. But the spotlight on trans issues has mostly been focused on transgender women, and transgender men have been largely left out of the narrative. Our cultural obsession with feminine beauty contributes to the imbalance. "Women's appearances get more attention, women's actions are commented on and critiqued more than men, so in that world it just makes sense that people will focus more on trans women than trans men," says Julia Serano, a transgender activist and author of Whipping Girl. (Because most surveys ask people to identify as male or female but not cisgender or transgender, the size of the transgender population in America is unclear, though one study suggests there are about 700,000 trans people in the U.S.; it's nearly impossible to know how many of them are trans men.)

Yet experiences of trans men can provide a unique window into how gender functions in American society. In the last few months, I've interviewed nearly two dozen trans men and activists about work, relationships and family. Over and over again, men who were raised and socialized as female described all the ways they were treated differently as soon as the world perceived them as male. They gained professional respect, but lost intimacy. They exuded authority, but caused fear. From courtrooms to playgrounds to prisons to train stations, at work and at home, with friends and alone, trans men reiterated how fundamentally different it is to experience the world as a man.

"Cultural sexism in the world is very real when you've lived on both sides of the coin," says Tiq Milan, a friend of the future groom.

And that cultural sexism is often more visible to trans men, because most say they find it easier to be low-disclosure than trans women. They're often not recognized as trans, which means they can be less vulnerable to obvious transphobia. Some call it "passing" or "going stealth"; others say those terms suggest secrecy or deception, preferring the term "low or no disclosure." In practice, this means that a 6'2" woman is often more conspicuous than a 5'4" man. James Ward, a lawyer in San Francisco who transitioned about six years ago, put it this way: "We have the ability to just walk through the world and not have anybody look at you twice."

One day in court, Ward and his opposing counsel were making a big request to a judge. Ward knew their question would not go over well, so he wasn't surprised when she reprimanded both him and his opposing counsel for asking. What he didn't expect was for the opposing counsel lean over to him and call the judge the c-word. "We weren't out the courtroom door when he said that to me under his breath," Ward says. "He never would have said that when I was female."

Many trans men I spoke with said they had no idea how rough women at work had it until they transitioned. As soon as they came out as men, they found their missteps minimized and their successes amplified. Often, they say, their words carried more weight: They seemed to gain authority and professional respect overnight. They also saw confirmation of the sexist attitudes they had long suspected: They recalled hearing female colleagues belittled by male bosses, or female job applicants called names.

"If I'm going off-the cuff, no-one really questions it," Ward says. "It's taken as, 'He's saying it, so it must be true.' Whereas while I was practicing as female, it was 'Show me your authority, you don't know any better yet.'"

Mitch Davis is now a director of organizational development at Planned Parenthood Federation of America in New York City, but he's worked in HR for many different companies since coming out eight years ago. In one previous job, he heard his boss call female colleagues "old cows" and refer to a middle-aged job applicant as "Dame Edna" after she'd left an interview. "Evidently men say things like that to each other all the time," he says.

Other trans men say they've heard male co-workers sexualize female colleagues when no women are present. "There's some crude humor, some crass humor," says Cameron Combs, an IT consultant in Olympia, Washington. He says he's heard male colleagues do "appraisals" of women in the office or observe how female co-workers used their "womanly wiles" to rise up the ladder, conversations he says he never would have heard when he was a woman. "When they saw me as female, it was kind of an automatic stop," he says. "It's a little less censored, the jokes I hear, the comments."

Some trans men have noticed the professional benefits of maleness. James Gardner is a newscaster in Victoria, Canada, who had been reading the news as Sheila Gardner for almost three decades before he transitioned at 54. As soon as he began hosting as a man, he stopped getting as many calls from men pointing out tiny errors. "It was always male callers to Sheila saying I had screwed up my grammar, correcting me," he says. "I don't get as many calls to James correcting me. I'm the same person, but the men are less critical of James."

Dana Delgardo is a family nurse practitioner and Air Force captain who transitioned three years ago. Since his transition, he's noticed that his female patients are less open with him about their sexual behavior, but his bosses give him more responsibility. "All of a sudden, I'm the golden child," he says. "I have been with this company for 6 years, no ever recommended me for management. Now I'm put into a managerial position where I could possibly be a regional director."

Trans women have long observed the flip side of this reality. Joan Roughgarden, a professor emerita of biology at Stanford and a transgender woman, says it became much more difficult to publish her work when she was writing under a female name. "When I would write a paper and submit it to a journal it would be almost automatically accepted," she said of the time when she had a man's name. "But after I transitioned, all of a sudden papers were running into more trouble, grant proposals were running into more trouble, the whole thing was getting more difficult."

"As a man, you're assumed to be competent unless proven otherwise," she says. "Whereas as a woman you're presumed to be incompetent unless proven otherwise."

HOW MEN THINK

Every transgender man interviewed for this story said he wasn't just treated differently after he transitioned-he felt different, too. Those who had taken testosterone treatments said they noticed psychological changes that came with the medical transition. Most trans men said that after they took hormone treatments they felt more sure of themselves and slightly more aggressive than they had been before the treatment.

"After transitioning I was able to think more clearly, I was more decisive," says the radio newscaster Gardner. He says the shift has affected his daily routine, even for something as ordinary as a trip to the grocery store. Before he transitioned, he says, he used to spend 45 minutes debating which pasta sauce to buy, which vegetables were the freshest. "I would stand there and look at the different varieties of yogurt," he recalls. "Now I just grab one. I'm looking for utility, I don't second-guess myself."

"As a female there was black and white and everything in between. When I started taking the hormones, it was more black and white," he explains, adding: "If I get into a disagreement with someone at work, I don't have that feeling afterwards of, 'I hope I didn't hurt his or her feelings.' I'm not a worrier as much as I was in the female body."

Of course, Gardner's story is unique to his own experience, and not all trans men who take testosterone have noticed quite so dramatic a shift. But men's testosterone levels do have a significant influence on some traits and behaviors that are associated with masculinity. A small recent study on trans men taking T therapy showed changes in the brain structure of those undergoing medical transition-though whether those changes lead to the effects trans men described to me is not yet proven.

The changes in patients taking testosterone are strikingly consistent, says Dr. Joshua Safer, director of the Endocrinology Fellowship Training Program at Boston University. Dr. Safer has treated hundreds of people with testosterone for more than a decade, and says he observes his patients becoming more decisive and more aggressive under testosterone treatment, though he laments the lack of data to back up this observation.

"I feel a sense of urgency, like I just want to kind of do it and get it done," Tiq Milan says, adding that he was surprised at the personality change when he transitioned at 25. "I wasn't expecting testosterone to have such an effect on how I think."

WALK LIKE A MAN

Most trans men I spoke to also identified another commonality: Once they transitioned, walking became easier, but talking became harder. To be more specific: walking home after dark felt easier, casually talking to babies, strangers and friends felt harder.

"I have to be very careful to not be staring at kids," says Gardner. "I can look at a mom and her baby, but I can't look for too long. I miss being seen as not a threat." Ditto for kids on the playground and puppies, multiple guys said.

And to a man, everyone said they'd experienced a moment when they were walking at night behind a woman, and suddenly realized that she was walking faster or clutching her purse because she was scared.

"If I start to get too close, I can feel her fear, I can feel that she's getting upset," says Milan. "And it's really just an indication of how dangerous this world is for women."

As a trans man of color, Milan says he feels that the world perceives him as a menace, and his interactions with police officers have gotten much more fraught. "I've had people make assumptions that I was dangerous or I was a criminal. I've been followed around stores. I've seen white women who look physically scared, visibly shaken if there's just the two of us in a elevator," he says. "You can't even ask a cop for directions as a black man."

He says that before he transitioned he was catcalled on the street, but he didn't feel like people assumed he was a criminal. "When I walk down the street no one knows that I'm a trans black man, people just see me as a black man," he says. "So when we're looking at all of this horrible police violence, it's scary."

Dana Delgardo also says that being a man of color comes with new problems. "I bought a Porsche convertible and I'm afraid to be out late at night after having one cocktail driving that car," he says. "It deters me from doing things that I think a Caucasian male could probably do without fear of being pulled over by the police."

Many white trans men said they felt it was easier to walk through the world, freed from the myriad expectations placed on women.

"As a female I felt I had to smile all the time, just to be accepted," James Gardner said. "As a male I don't feel a sense of having to be pleasant to look at."

Many also noticed a shift in their friendships after they transitioned, with some struggling to make friends with cisgender men, unsure of the social cues of male friendship.

"I'm still trying to figure out all of the different secret codes that guys use to talk to each other and to make friendships," says Mitchell Davis. "But I still I don't know what the language is. I don't know what that punch on the arm meant." He says he doesn't know what a close male friendship looks like, only that it probably looks different than a close female friendship.

For Milan, male friendship has been mostly positive, but occasionally alarming. While he says most cisgender men he meets are fairly respectful of women even behind closed doors, he's also noticed what he describes as a culture of toxic masculinity. "I've heard men say things about slapping a woman or cheating on women in the most brutal ways and think it's okay," Milan says.

"Being privy to the conversations that men have amongst themselves really does give me an indication of how they think about women," he says. "And sometimes it can be really scary."

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Three guys are sitting at a Harlem bartop eating fries, drinking whiskey and talking about love. One of them, Bryce Richardson, is about to propose to his girlfriend. "I'm putting it together in my head, I'm like: 'He's gonna be one of my groomsmen, he's gonna be one of my groomsmen,'" he points to his two friends and grins.

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Joe and Emmalie Lynch have chosen to raise their child in a gender-neutral setting. Emmalie was inspired by how her childhood was not restricted to any certain type of clothing, toys, or mannerisms. To continue this trend, she has specifically requested her child to be raised in the same way. How do you think raising a child as gender-neutral will affect the child when it interacts with children that are definitively male or female? Does the Lynch's decision provide more benefits or drawbacks?

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Why We're Raising Our Child Gender-Neutral

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A mother-to-be's wish for her unborn child