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Your Job Title Will NOT be on your gravestone

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Your Job Title Will NOT be on your gravestone

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I had the privilege of being the one responsiblefor my grandmother's care in her last few years of life and was then responsible for her funeral, estate, etc.*

In all the days of "one last visit" before she passed or in the funeral or later gatherings NOT one friend, colleague, church member etc.  talked about her work or her various job titles. They all talked about how she mentored them, helped them, was passionate about her hobbies, made them laugh, loved her grandkids, etc

At a time in my life when I was grieving her and going through work turmoil, it made me realize that my actual job title or what my role is doesn't matter. When I die people are not going to say "she was a great director" or "she really knew how to manage that." Hopefully people will be able to say how I helped them, how I took time, followed up and supported.

And that lesson from my grandmother's life, how it was a part of her eulogy, was the best gift I could have been given.

*on a partially related note... we do not teach anyone how to handle an estate/probate/ write a will in college. That should be required. I was not prepared!

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Thank you for a wonderful reminder of what is truly important.

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My mom recently passed. My sister and I were assisting my father with arrangements and supporting his initial transition to being solo. My wife stayed behind to manage our household, but took on the task of drafting an obituary. She really created awe for my father and I by looking past my mother’s ‘resume’ and describing the core impact my mother had on others as a teacher (both formal as a kindergarten teacher for just a few years, but throughout her life), mother, friend and person.

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My mom passed away two weeks ago. I have received dozens of messages, cards, and hallway conversations. Most of these were sharing of sympathy which I genuinely appreciated. But there were about 10 people who reached out to me offering messages of empathy - “how can I help you,” “I recently lost my mother and would like to have you out for coffee/lunch/a drink so I can support you,” “hi I’m watching my mother move through a path similar to yours. Can you help me prepare?”

These people shared a connection to my grief.

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I’m grateful for the opportunities to share with and hear students every day.

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How do we help students reflect on their values and see how those impact the choices they’re making

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I thank students for taking the time to meet with me, even though I'm the one who called the meeting. Seeing the time sacrifice they made to talk with me is just another way of seeing the student for who they are.

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Do we treat ourselves as human? Do we speak kindly to ourselves? Are we caught up in helping others but neglect asking for help ourselves?

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what legacy do you want to leave…

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I am constantly reminding my students that yes, grades are important, but they are all more important than what their GPA is.

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How do we as an industry help our student see the potential in who they are?

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How do we as an industry help our student see the potential in who they are?

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Are the resilient? Would they bounce back? How can they overcome challenges in their experience and journey?

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A classroom is not just a teacher. It's not just students. It's people. And we need to remember and practice that we are people with real lives. Real experiences. And we need to celebrate and listen to that rather than dismiss or ignore or forget that. Otherwise we perpetuate a world where we don't care and feel like we're not cared for. If hurt people, hurt people, we need to love people so they go on to love others.

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Realize Individual Potential

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Simple acts of everyday charity matter.

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In our FYE course, our students create a life aspiration statement…be remembered for or as. This becomes a part of their vision board.

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Create times to be present for yourself and others. A time to reflect on which values are most important to you. 

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Create times to be present for yourself and others. A time to reflect on which values are most important to you. 

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What do you share about yourself with your students?

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What do you share about yourself with your students?

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What you share about yourself, and your level of transparency says a lot about the virtue you demonstrate towards them.

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Redefining Expectations to Put Empathy First

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Redefining Expectations to Put Empathy First

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I think it's important to recognize that sometimes it's necessary to adjust academic expectations by letting go of a little rigidity if it becomes a bit of a stop gate to approaching students with empathy first.

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Oftentimes, it's hard for staff and faculty to show our empathy to students when we have policies and procedures to abide by. I think we can be more helpful by first acknowledging and responding to the situation that students present to us. If they've told us about a traumatic situation causing poor academic performance, check in with them as humans, then follow up with resources that are available to help them. Even if the situation negatively impacts a student (for example, they must resign a student leadership position due to low GPA), at least they feel seen.

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All students (and people in general) just want someone to see them for who they are. Sometimes I think we get so focused on trying to solve problems that we stop listening. Did a student not study for a test? Why? Sometimes it is an issue of priorities, and sometimes it goes much deeper.

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Students are not in the place they were before…sometimes literally 

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Students are not in the place they were before…sometimes literally 

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In California we are seeing students living in Mexico and doing remote work in the US. These students are now in more upheaval than they had before. Remember we don’t know where others are now, most likely not where they were- literally.

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Faculty leaders, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE know how important it is to express empathy, vulnerability, and heart to staff! We don’t see this enough from faculty leaders. How can we keep showing empathy to students, when leaders above us show little empathy to us? 😔❤️‍🩹

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We need to model in our work settings, classrooms or counseling centers, how to open ourselves up to others and how to support one another.

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How do we make sure that we’re approaching people and situations in the way we would want to be approached

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Sitting in the space with others is more valuable than you know.

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If we can be intentional with offering empathy to students at the first chance, it opens up the door, invites them into the space.

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The times I’ve received empathy, I’ve felt seen and my feelings validated. The times where someone exhibited sympathy (feeling sorry for me), I felt as though I inconvenienced them for feeling the way I did or because I was going through something.

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Having open discussions about power in classrooms can be helpful for establishing an understanding of ineffective pedagogies. Students know that lecture isn't always the most effective way of developing ideas and skills. So having a discussion about power can be a start to move towards educational humility and students begin to see you as interested in their lives, voices, and ideas. And when you can connect with students on a genuine level, they feel like they belong in a space that doesn't feel welcoming and with that feeling of belonging, you'll notice a positive difference with students.

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I have the privilege of meeting with all of my students in a 1-on-1 capacity 3 times over the course of the semester. The difference in their attitudes toward an academic recovery class before we meet and after is huge because they feel that someone in this vast university space is in their corner. It is my favorite (and most difficult) part of my job.

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We talked about how institutional types might approach “awe” differently- a small liberal arts college versus an R1 institution.

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We talked about how institutional types might approach “awe” differently- a small liberal arts college versus an R1 institution.

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Telling my own story breaks down barriers. As instructors, we are not flawless, and students need to know our challenges and triumphs.

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Training student leaders to take on and be empowered to help students is great and necessary. But I often find I speak like an expert and my 2nd/3rd year leaders will mimic this and lose their “humility”. It becomes “the only way” to do something or stepping into support roles they shouldn’t fill. So, sometimes remembering to keep humility in trainings or one time meetings/sessions can be difficult to remember when I’m working to empower.

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At our institution, it seems that those stepping up to teach our 1-credit FYE course seem to be much more humble in their willingness to listen as well “be the expert.” This is, perhaps, self-selection on the part of these faculty. But they do tend - more than the majority of our teaching faculty - to be open to meeting with students on level ground.

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It’s okay not to know. Be honest and genuine and students will reward that with commitment, endearment.

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USC AND NRC thank you for such a great conference yet again! 

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USC AND NRC thank you for such a great conference yet again! 

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Be careful not to close yourself off to new ideas and exchanges because you are so committed to your curricular plans. Exchange/dialogue with students is important for all in the classroom.

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Learning from students is my favorite part of the job!

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Be purposeful in looking for moments of awe.

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Our students have such diverse experiences and know so much even before coming into our classrooms. I really enjoy learning from them.

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Bring your authentic self

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What does the student seek in the moment?

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What does the student seek in the moment?

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Coach, confessor, cheerleader, someone to hear them vent? Be that and nurture their journey.

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I am because we are. Lead with compassion for others.

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Thank you to all those who have presented! ❤️

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Thank you to all those who have presented! ❤️