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Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

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Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?

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The student: I run. You run ..

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The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.

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Student: No. I was standing on it.

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Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

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Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

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Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?

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PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."

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PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."

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B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

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The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."

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The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

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The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'

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"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

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A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.