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The image I chose that represents illness is from “The Dark Night.” This image represents when she was going through a loss of faith and almost a stage of depression or realization of how close death is to her. She mentions that she felt as though God had abandoned her during her hospitalization and this relates to how many other hospital patients may feel. Many may expect God to protect them from any sort of illness that leads to hospitalization, so in this moment, Davis was very confused about what God’s intentions were. She paints this image primarily in black and blue to express her “confusion and fear,” during her first week in the hospital (Davis). The focus of this image is also the black figure above her that suggests a cross, which represents her struggle with and abandonment of religion. At the end of “The Dark Night 2,” however, after explaining how her “dark night” had gotten worse she mentions that with the love and prayers provided by her support system, she was able to escape the “dark night.” This connects to The Metamorphosis by Kafka because in that novella we that with the support of his sister, Gregor can be happy and optimistic that he may go back to his old lifestyle. Gregor relies on the support and belief of his sister to continue feeling connected to his humanity, which is how Davis relies on her support system in When the Nurse Becomes a Patient to continue feeling connected to humanity and her faith.

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While reading and analyzing Corney Davis's words and images, I got a glimpse of the transition from nurse to patient. Davis experienced a life that was constantly on the edge of life and death, whether she was caring for patients or was the patient herself. The Dark Night, a captivating short story with unique imagery took us step-by-step through her experiences. For both Davis and Gregor death “sat at the edge of [the] bed, slowly crawling its way. Into [their] mind and body. It overtook [them]; it left no space.” (Davis 15) The whole idea of darkness characterizes the idea of death and how close yet how far it can be. The dark colors and the dejected look from the Dark Night were enough to paint thes pain that lingers with illness. It can represent the loneliness both Kafka and Davis were trying to express, simply by the face made and the colors used. It can represent the suffocation they dealt with as death knocked on their door. Many patients who endure the exhausting life of hospitalization are confronted with death and could probably say they experience something very similar to Davis, Lorde, Gregor, and many more real or fictional characters.

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I found the image inserted above, "The Dark Night", (Pg 5) to be one of the most powerful paintings done by nurse/storyteller/artist, Courtney Davis in her collection of works in When the nurse becomes the patient.
The painting really spoke to me because it speaks to that shared human feeling of fear during a sickness that can sometimes feel more all-consuming than the actual sickness itself. It's also such a powerful image, because of the color choice of blue's and blacks, that are a manifestation of the depression that the artist describes she went through in this image. The solidity of the half-cross at the bottom of the painting, also speaks to despite her inner struggles with religion, the still looming presence her relationship to god has on her.
The image is also reminiscent of Gregor's own struggles in Kafka's Metamorphosis, when in isolation Kafka spends nights lying awake, thinking about his personal limitations in providing for his family and dealing with a lack of faith in god. These feelings of depression, "I'd been plunged into a dark night that lasted for weeks and held no promise of dawn" (Davis 4) as Davis describes it, were also something that plagues Gregory relentlessly, and speaks to the isolating effects the illness has on a patient.

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I found an image representing illness: "My Husband Cares for Me Tenderly." This artwork conveys the profound need for others in times of illness. Furthermore, it captures the impacts of illness on the patient and those in the role of caregivers. Davis uses an almost all-dark blue image to represent the gloominess and darkness cast on Davis and her husband's life while battling this illness. This overlaps with Kafka's novel, "Metamorphosis," where even though Gregor's family may not have been directly engaged in his care, they still suffered gravely throughout Gregor's illness. Often, having a solid support system, whether inside or outside the family, is key in helping a patient stay optimistic and succeed in treatment. As David reflects on her husband's compassionate care during her illness, "I also felt his anguish, his separate individual, and equally life-altering suffering" (Davis). For someone in so much physical pain, to say their partner taking care of them has equal pain proves the point of the toll of illness on those taking care of the ill.

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I chose this image from the chapter "A Little Bit of Terror" as it represents the fear that Cortney Davis encounters as she sees herself when she becomes discharged. Her pale complexion and unfinished section in her hair can be interpreted as her feeling of fragility and incompleteness. The dark background also works to create a feeling of isolation and ultimately, fear of not recognizing oneself. This overlaps with Kafka's "Metamorphosis" as when Gregor turns into a bug, he no longer recognizes himself and is alienated by those he cares for. Both Davis and Gregor encounter fear throughout their journey and struggle to recognize themselves through the impacts of their illness/transformation.

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An image and chapter that resonated with me was “Transfusion”. What stood out to me was her use of colors. Shades of blue, red, and white were the most brilliant and had the most meaning. She recalls how the “yellow light shines from the hallway” and “the blue form”(2) is the chair her husband sat in. Yet surrounded by these bold colors she felt alone and naked. She describes her bed as a “white slab” (2) with which she associated vulnerability. To her, in the state of a patient, colors represent the valuable things in her life. The white bed reminds me of the white sheet Gregor used to cover himself. To me, the color white is symbolic of isolation and fear. Each character was subjected to isolation because of their condition and so both stories use white to represent retreat and loneliness.

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One of the images I found profound was "The Dark Night 2". As illness is already an isolating place to be, the night is the most vulnerable part one can imagine. Being alone in the hospital once it seems that even the doctors have gone to sleep and gone home to their families makes patients feel the reality (or what may seem like the reality); no one is there. Davis explains that this image portrays the isolation that she felt, that ran so deeply that she "abandoned by God".

However, she also explains that it was worst in the beginning. Although on the contrary, it is depressing that she gets used to the lonely nights. This reminded me of Gregor giving up in Metamorphosis as Davis and Gregor suffered similar confinement. However, Davis did not suffer with family abandonment and she shared that it was her family and friends that brought her out of this dark place, which she  meant figurative darkness from the depression of having an illness as well as the long nights alone.

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I chose "A Little Bit of Terror,” which depicts the time she was discharged from the hospital and has been at home between her two hospitalizations. Her experience of returning home, where she used to have a normal daily life before hospitalization, started with a raw fear and her realization of how her body changed during this period. In this painting, the dark background shows the feeling of her fear and loneliness after coming home. “I now looked skeletal; there was no part of me that seemed familiar. Whose skin was this, whose hands? Whose legs supported me?” (Davis 17) In the past, she had expressed how frightening being in the hospital was, but she found home more frightening. The simplest chore or routine that she used to do every day seems impossible with her weak body. “Where are the nurses with their tender hands? How will I survive, and what awaits me now?” (Davis 18) This quote clearly explains when she realized that she needed the care of the nurses. This chapter of “When the Nurse Becomes the Patient” reminds me of the time when Gregor transformed from human to monster, from a person who used to take care of his family to a person who needs care and support in the "Metamorphosis". On the other hand, both characters in the two books went through feelings of fear and loneliness after their transformation.

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Dilaudid is the drug that was administered to Davis during a stage of immense pain. She describes it as an odd, pleasant feeling, like a nap as a child in a warm sunny room. But this peace comes with the disturbance of a loss of control. She says, 'my whole body felt invaded, as if something alien rushed through my veins... my mind no longer belonged to me, and neither did my body.' (Davis) This description reminded me of the alienation and isolation represented in Kafka's novel. He also felt in a much more literal way that his body no longer belonged to him- having gone through a complete metamorphosis. But at the core, both feelings they describe are the same. After being administered the drug, there was a sense of relief due to the dulling of pain, however, this came along with disconnectedness and thoughts that were oftentimes frightening. In the painting, she is alone on her mattress, floating at sea. The image depicts a dark colored sky, representing her deep and frightening thoughts. She is also naked in the bed, a common theme in the book that shows her vulnerability. The image helps to give a visual representation of the feelings of isolation and loss of control that come with illness, and the disturbing peace of painkillers.

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This image represents Davis's repetitive CT scans. She chose to put a lone figure going into dark nothingness. The combination of nausea, IV contrast, steroids and Benadryl (to prevent an allergic reaction to the contrast) left her feeling isolated. CT scans rely on xrays, so technicians and nurses had to leave the room. This relates to Gregor's extreme isolation in Metamorphosis. Davis was temporally isolated, compared to Gregor's months. But it still very much relates. Isolation during illness, for any amount of time, feel iternal. And, it is hard to ever truly together when you are the "sick one".

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Davis utilized the communicative property of art in her book, “When the Nurse Becomes The Patient”, to express the realities of her illness.

Portraying herself as faceless and vague in bodily form in her painting titled Dilaudid-Land, Davis suggests the impact that illness had on the security of her sense of self and identity. Reflecting on her experience, Davis recalled how “her whole body felt invaded as if something alien rushed through.” (Davis, Dilaudid-Land) The sense of foreignness which Davis had with her own body complicated her physical identity and familiarity. Feeling emptied of life, her condition consumed her body and former identity of health.

A faceless face is unfamiliar, unrecognizable, and almost non-human. Likewise, the experience of being sick can be characterized as un-human: how could one’s body turn-in on themselves and end a life? Furthermore, in the practice of treating illness, one’s humanness is often ignored and only disease itself is considered. By denoting illness as un-human, whether through faceless faces or human-minded beetles as in the case of Gregor, it illuminates the foreignness of the experiences of illness. A true understanding of illness does not come intuitively to people, suggesting its un-humanness.

People communicate through facial expressions and the words of their mouth. Yet, there are some experiences where one’s face lacks the ability to communicate. By removing the face of her painting, Davis draws on the difficulty of expressing the experience of being sick. Likewise, Kafka expresses this phenomenon by depicting his patient in a state of being unable to communicate given the limitations of human speech in a beetle form.

Just like writing, art serves the purpose of explaining personal experiences that are only truly known by the person themselves. Furthermore, art has the potential to depict experiences that words lack to describe as shown by Davis' work.

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The Image I found represents the loneliness of illness and the need for love during that difficult time. The part of her story that this photo represents was during her first and second hospitalization,  it was written To show her appreciation for her husband sticking by her . “Painting this, I felt again my own hopelessness as well as the reassurance I found in my husband's embrace .”(My Husband Cares for Me Tenderly) Her choice of blue as the background and clothing color makes me feel her sadness, loneliness and state of being.  I could also see the love in this painting through the orange hues surrounding her body, and  through the orange hues circling their heads much like a Halo,  they brought a warmth to the painting that I had no question was love. This painting in a sense connected to the novel The Metamorphosis  in two ways;  the first,  is that initial warmth Gregor felt when his sister cared for him in the beginning when she brought him milk and tried to figure out what kind of foods he enjoyed eating. And the second way  is more of what Gregor longed for in the end,  he desired that loving person to stand behind him to support him through his illness much like the husband does in this painting.

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I chose the image from the chapter "Twenty-Five Nights" because it was the only one that to me represented hope. I was very curious about the backstory and the author specifies that the painting depicts her looking at the stars every night she couldn't sleep. The feeling of loneliness is the one that was present every night during her hospitalization. Going back to Kafka's novella, I believe that this is what Gregor was feeling as well, and every person who is ill and suffering feels the same. They feel lonely and are just waiting for their death, which is very sad if we think about it, and that is the exact reason why I chose this picture despite the fact that she was feeling like this, she still chose to represent her sadness by using vivid colors that send me to the thought of hope.