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Booker and Russell (2022) provide a framework for instructional coaching practices, including qualities of an effective coach. These qualities include being skilled teachers, having the ability to form relationships, having communication skills, and knowledge of technology. Additionally, this framework provides suggestions for activities, durations and timelines, improvement cycles, and professional development for instructional coaching programs. This resource will be helpful for instructional coaches on a campus-level, as it not only serves as a guideline, is research based, and has additional resources embedded within the text.

Booker, L. & Russell, J. (2022, January). Improving teaching practice with instructional coaching (Design Principle Series). EdResearch for Recovery. https://annenberg.brown.edu/sites/default/files/EdResearch_for_Recovery_Design_Principles_3.pdf

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In the video, Barkley (2018) shares communication skills and strategies for successful instructional coach and teacher relationships based on his experience. He focuses the need for positivity and interest within dialogue between coaches and teachers. To communicate interest, a coach may listen and form open-ended critical thinking questions based on what they've heard. Strategies to encourage positivity include intentional seating arrangements, providing affirmations that "feed forward" instead "feed backward", and displaying a growth mindset toward the teacher's goals. In Barkley's (2018) supporting blog post, he presents additional aspects of effective communication for coaches through the purpose of open-ended questions, direct communication, and active listening. Within each of these areas, there are additional resources provided for further research and development. This is a useful resource for instructional coaches who are seeking communication tips prior to coaching sessions.

Barkley, S. (2018, December 9). Effective communication techniques increase the impact of instructional coaching [Blog]. Steve Barkley Ponders Out Loud. https://barkleypd.com/blog/effective-communication-techniques/

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Communication Skills for Coaches

Our choice of words can have a surprising effect during a coaching conversation. Words that are used commonly in everyday situations can convey unintentional meanings in the context of the delicately balanced dynamics of coaching conversations. This need for careful choice of words can be illustrated with the use of the phrase, "How can I help?" in situations when help has not actually been requested by the teacher. That question can infer that the coach is at a level superior to that of the teacher, thus creating a barrier between the two participants. Similarly, the words problem and struggle also carry negative connotations when commenting upon classroom observations and may introduce an evaluative element to the conversation.

In other instances, the words but, however, and yet are sometimes used to connect a positive observation with a supplementary comment that identifies and recommends remediation of an observed behavior. For example, the coach may compliment the teacher on very clear visual displays and accompanying verbal explanations and add, "but, many students were not engaged." In this case, the positive comment is neutralized or even negated by the second statement. In order to preserve the intended effects of the two comments, they need to be unlinked by inserting a simple pause in the conversation. For example, look for the teacher to respond to the first statement before proceeding.

Closed vs. Open Ended Questions

Closed-ended questions may create a defensive response from the teacher. Questions such as "Have you thought about?" or "Have you tried?" may either cause the teacher to feel compelled to confess a failure or an unsuccessful attempt, or to defend themselves with a reply that seeks to justify why a strategy was not tried. Open-ended questions such as, "How do you think students would respond to small group work for this task?" show respect for the views of the teacher. Find a podcast on coaches' words here.

Indirect vs. Direct Communication

Indirect communication can cause misunderstandings, frustration, and potentially conflict in coach-teacher relationships. Straightforward communication builds trust and understanding and creates conditions that are conducive for open discussion, objective analysis, and creative problem solving. Coaches promote open conversations in order to discover the true interests, priorities, and challenges faced by teachers. Robinson, Segal, and Segal (2015) recommend the following actions that are likely to promote open conversations:

Concentrate on both spoken words and nonverbal messages;

Avoid distractions such as phones, doodling, or window staring;

Refrain from interrupting or redirecting;

Allow the speaker's words to flow and pause;

Defer judgment, especially criticism;

Maintain an attentive posture; and

Offer occasional smiles and confirmations such as OK or I see.

Remember to Listen

The art of listening is a substantial and sometimes understated component of conversations and communication. Instructional coaches rely on deep and extended interactions in order to receive and convey messages about classroom performance. On his website, Stephen Covey describes seven habits of highly effective people. Covey's fifth habit is summarized as "first seek to understand and then be understood." Covey asserts that "communication is the most important skill in life." Most people are inclined to speak and promote their point of view before truly listening to the other person. Meaning is missed when a listener ignores the other person's message, pretends to listen, or only hears the parts they want to hear. Covey maintains that "most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand." Surely, a prime reason for a teacher to meet with a coach is to be heard and understood. Careful listening is a precious skill to employ in such circumstances.

Conclusion

Effective instructional coaches employ active listening, powerful questioning, and direct communication ( Utah Office of Child Care, 2014). An active listening strategy requires complete focus on communication from the adult learner. Attention to tone and body language helps convey the intent of the message. The paraphrasing and restatement of teachers' spoken words help clarify the message. Continued dialogue is encouraged when teachers' expressions of feelings and opinions are accepted without judgment. Powerful questioning emphasizes "open-ended questions that provide information and stimulate thinking in support of goals." The coach's objectives are to ask questions that identify the teacher's perspective and nurture reflection and clarity. Direct communication "uses language that has a positive impact on the adult learner." Coaches use direct communication in order to explain coaching objectives, give feedback, and recommend changes. Coaches reframe ideas to help teachers reexamine thoughts and consider alternative perspectives.

Because communication skills play such an important role in a coach's effectiveness, it's a great area for continued study and coaching. Coaches should be coached on their communication skills. Consider recording a coaching conference and then analyzing it with your coaching colleagues. You can find a 10 hour facilitated, online module Instructional Coaching - Essential Communication Skills.

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Effective Communication Techniques in Instructional Coaching | Barkley

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Our choice of words can have a surprising effect during a coaching conversation. Words that are used commonly in everyday situations can convey unintentional meanings in the context of the delicately balanced dynamics of coaching conversations. This need for careful choice of words can be illustrated with the use of the phrase, "How can I help?"

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In this article, Sepe (n.d.) discusses the importance of not just having good conversations with teachers as a coach, but leaving sessions with a clear goal in place. He shares some of his own experiences with not being intentional in curating conversations around goal-setting and shares that he uses the PEERS framework. This is a simple and quick resource for instructional coaches to use during their sessions or conversations, as simply checking off the boxes ensures you are being productive without distracting from the conversation. PEERS specifies that goals should be powerful, easy, emotionally compelling, reachable, and student-focused.

Sepe, B. (n.d.). Goals are greater than nice conversations [Article]. Choice Literacy. https://choiceliteracy.com/article/goals-are-greater-than-nice-conversations/

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The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Steiner

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The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Steiner

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A resource shared by @Candice that I'm interested in! I am adding this here for when I am ready to purchase, or in case anyone else is interested in learning more about the book.

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''Michael Bungay Stanier distills the essentials of coaching to seven core questions. And if you master his simple yet profound technique, you'll get a twofer. You'll provide more effective support to your employees and co-workers. And you may find that you become the ultimate coach for yourself.''
- Daniel H. Pink, author of To Sell Is Human and Drive

''It takes courage to ask a question rather than offer up advice, provide an answer or unleash a solution. In this practical and inspiring book, Michael shares seven transformative questions that can make a difference in how we lead and support.''
- Brené Brown, author of Rising Strong and Daring Greatly

''This book is full of practical, useful and interesting questions, ideas and tools that will guide any leader trying to be better.''
- Dave Ulrich, co-author of The Why of Work and The Leadership Code

''A sharp, habit-forming leadership manual.''
''Bungay Stanier writes with verve, effectively incorporating humor, surprise, and parables.''
-Kirkus Review
''The book tailors its organization and length to time-pressed readers, who can finish it easily in a couple of hours or in 15-minute increments.''

'' The Coaching Habit is a succinct and practical handbook for getting the best from others and yourself.''- Nir Eyal, author of Hooked
- Bob Sutton, author of Scaling Up Excellence

''Among a plethora of books, studies and op-ed pieces about the importance of coaching and how to execute this most critical of development interventions well, it's easy to understand why students and practitioners of the craft feel confused or overwhelmed by the array of approaches, frameworks and systems extolled as ''the right way.'' Michael Bungay Stanier has expertly cut through this confusion with his new book in a manner that is simple to understand, realistic in its intention and ultimately effective to apply. I believe this book will establish itself as a powerful and useful toolset for the professional coach, the student learner and the people manager alike.''
- Stuart Crabb, Director Learning & Development, Facebook

''This is not just a book; this is the voice in your head, the person that sits on your shoulder--guiding you to greatness. Being a great coach is more than skill; it's a mindset, a way of being. Michael has a remarkable way of delivering that message through artful storytelling, practical examples and proven techniques. A must-have book for the coach who truly wants to make a difference.'' is a thoroughly enjoyable read that immediately inspired me to adopt new habits.'', Michael Bungay Stanier gives managers an extremely simple yet powerful tool (just seven questions!) to help them coach their teams to greatness, each and every day.''
--Sinéad Condon, Head of Global Performance Enablement, CA Technologies

''Where others can overcomplicate the purpose and practice of coaching, Michael Bungay Stanier provides a practical and unintimidating approach to this essential habit of great leaders. He succinctly articulates the research behind the art of respectful inquiry and its role in fostering an authentic partnership among colleagues who are committed to doing meaningful work together. The Coaching Habit
- Dana Woods, CEO, American Association of Critical-Care Nurses The Coaching Habit

'The magic of leadership occurs in daily conversations. With - Andrew Collier, Head of Leadership Development, Nestlé

''Fantastic . . . and Where was this book when I needed it?'' are the first thoughts popping into my head after reading this book. I ve read countless books on leadership and coaching over my career but few brought it all together like Michael Bungay Stanier's. I love the concepts of keeping it simple and practice, practice, practice, which are key to building your coaching habit. Michael makes what some leaders see as complex a simple process, whether you are an experienced or new people leader. Definitely a must-read book.''
- Monique Bateman, SVP, TD Bank Group

Michael Bungay Stanier has a gift for distilling big, complex ideas into practical, accessible knowledge for everyday people that helps them be a force for good..

His books have sold over a million copies, with The Coaching Habit topping The Wall Street Journal bestseller list. MBS has been featured on the blogs and social media platforms of thought leaders including Seth Godin, Tim Ferriss, and Brené Brown, and has appeared on ABC, BBC, CBC, Ted.com, and innumerable podcasts―as well as in notable publications including the Harvard Business Review , Forbes , Inc. , and Fast Company

MBS is the founder of Box of Crayons, a learning and development company, that helps organizations move from advice-driven action to curiosity-led transformation. They have trained more than half a million people for clients including Microsoft, Salesforce, TELUS, and Gucci.

Before establishing Box of Crayons, MBS's accomplishments included publishing an academic article on James Joyce and a Harlequin-esque short story; playing small roles in helping invent Pizza Hut's Stuffed Crust pizza and creating "one of the worst single-malt whiskies in existence"; and spending 20 minutes writing what has remained GlaxoSmithKline's global vision for more than 20 years.

A former Rhodes Scholar, MBS is an Australian who now lives in Toronto, Canada.

You can join others committed to being a force for change at MBS.works

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Amazon.com: Coaching Habit: 9780978440749: Stanier, Michael Bungay: Books

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Buzzing with Ms. B has so many resources for ICs and teachers! She has a blog, podcast, downloadable/printable pages, and more that can help an IC through their coaching journey and teachers through the coaching process. In this particular blog post, she focuses on how to positively and effectively communicate with teachers during an observation cycle. The post provides tips on what to say prior, during, and post observation to uphold the positive coach-teacher relationship while providing effective feedback.

Beltran, C. (n.d.). The coaching cycle: Say this, not that: Growing as an instructional coach [Blog]. Buzzing with Ms. B. https://buzzingwithmsb.com/2018/08/the-coaching-cycle-say-this-not-that.html

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In this podcast (with notes), Cofino (2023) emphasizes the meaning of being a leader and provides examples of the various ways to be one. She highlights how even in leadership roles, there must be a relationship present to have successful coaching. Throughout the podcast, Cofino points out the difficulties of taking on the leadership roles as an instructional coach, but provides motivation, encouragement, and advice on how to embrace the responsibility of being a leader. This podcast stems from a series of others from Eduro Learning and there are also several short YouTube videos to accompany the many areas of instructional coaching.

Cofino, K. (2023, February 1). Embracing your influential leadership as an instructional coach. Coach Better. https://coachbetter.tv/embracing-your-influential-leadership-as-an-instructional-coach/

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Recognizing and embracing your leadership, as a coach, is a key step to building a coaching culture in your school, to working with more coaches, and to ensuring that your coaching program grows and thrives.

If you're struggling as a coach right now, and feeling frustrated because you might be:

given so many non-coaching responsibilities

dealing with teachers who are resistant to coaching

trying to help your school understand the value of coaching, or

not being given the support they need to make coaching a success

This might be because you're hoping (and expecting) your school leaders to know what coaching is and why it's valuable. You might be expecting the program to grow just because you're there - without realizing that you may have to lead the conversation with both school leaders and your colleagues.

So many coaches get hired into the position and think that they will just "start coaching" but in reality, coaching is more than just coaching conversations. Building a culture of coaching means that you may need to lead the work with teachers and leaders to understand coaching, which means you need to be able to articulate the value of coaching to your coachees and your school leaders, and you need to have the vision to grow your coaching program - all of these are aspects of leadership (even if they don't feel like it right now).

When we think of leadership, we often think of the person with the title, and if (or when) we don't have a title, we don't consider ourselves leaders.

But there are many ways to be a leader - with or without the title, and as a coach, you are in a position of leadership too. I usually refer to this kind of leadership as influential leadership, because you lead through relationships, rather than formal authority.

As coaches, we know everything we do is based on relationships. We know that relationships are the foundation for all of our work.

And you might not know this yet, but that's actually a type of leadership, called relational leadership. I build on this research-based theory and often call it "influential leadership".

The difference between the stereotypical type of leadership we tend to think of first, called positional leadership, and relational leadership is that positional leadership holds power through the title (by virtue of their job description and title, they are a supervisor and compliance is essentially required). A relational leader may or may not have the formal title, but regardless of their job title, they are able to influence and lead change through relationships - not necessarily a title.

Relational leadership focuses on inclusion, empowerment, purposefulness, ethical behaviors, and process orientation - all things you're already doing as an instructional coach.

Even in a formal leadership position, it's well documented that relational leadership skills are beneficial, especially in schools.

So even if you don't think of yourself as a leader yet, you are. And you're building essential leadership skills that would support you in a formal leadership position too.
All coaches go through various stages of coaching mastery. Once you identify where you're at, you can begin to build the skills needed to move to the next stage. This quiz is based on real-life case studies compiled from years of working with coaches inside The Coach Certificate & Mentorship Program! When you receive your results, you'll also get your matching case study from the STRIVE Case Studies to see where you fit in the stages of coaching mastery. Ready to tackle your challenges and move on to the next level in YOUR coaching practice?

The STRIVE Model of Coaching Mastery quiz will help you identify your level of coaching mastery by matching you with case studies compiled from years of working with coaches inside The Coach Certificate & Mentorship Program so you can easily see where you fit! When you complete the quiz, you'll get:

Your matching case study,

Specific strengths & challenges aligned to your result;

Suggested next steps for each stage;

Plus the Case Study Document includes:

Case studies leveled by coaching mastery;

A framework to identify essential stages of professional growth & key areas to focus on in your professional learning;

Alignment with the THRIVE Model for a Successful Coaching Culture;

Space for you to reflect & prioritize so you can take action immediately!

You'll go straight to the Quiz, and get the Case Study Document via email.
5 Ways You're Already a Leader, as a Coach

Here's 5 ways you're already a leader, as a coach, as well as a few questions you can ask yourself to see how you're demonstrating and growing into this role:

1: You are likely the only one with the expertise, passion, time & interest to move your program forward

How confident are you in advocating for coaching - with both school leaders and your colleagues?

Can you confidently articulate the value and purpose of coaching to both school leader and teachers?

Do you have a clear vision of what coaching is, and can be in, in your unique school setting?

2: You have relationships with colleagues in all areas of the school - likely well beyond the scope of your previous teaching position

Are you able to be intentional and strategic in building relationships with colleagues in all areas of the school?

What consistent strategies do you use to build relationships with others?

How are the varied relationships you have beyond your immediate department supporting and growing your coaching program?

3: You are the connection between teachers & leaders. You have the unique viewpoint of being in both leadership meetings and working with teachers in the classroom - but you are not a supervisor.

How are you able to influence leadership conversations based on work that is happening in classrooms and on teams?

How are you able to make school goals a reality when you work with teachers?

4: You are strategically & intentionally leading others through change (even if it's just the change of working with a coach) at many levels (change adaption theory) without any positional power

As you are building your coaching program, how are you supporting teachers in choosing to work with a coach?

How are you building understanding of the coaching program?

How are you sharing the successes of those who have been coached?

5: You are a role model / example of growth mindedness - through their own professional growth & the growth they help others achieve

How are you demonstrating your commitment to coaching by being coached?

What practices are you asking teachers to engage in through coaching, that you can also do?

When you put it all together, I hope you can see how you are a leader, as a coach - even if you don't feel like one today.

And if you have room to grow into these leadership opportunities, I'd love to support you in developing your influential leadership!

Watch the Video

Embrace Your Leadership

One of the things we're most proud of here at Eduro is that there's no one-size-fits-all learning - you always have choice and voice in how you learn with us. Today's video highlights one of the key themes that you'll find in three of our programs, and if you're curious to take your learning deeper, we have three great options for you.

New Coaches:

If you're just getting started as a coach, and you want to learn how to make these mindset and skillset shifts, watch our New to Coaching Workshop, which will also tell you all about our brand new course, Getting Started as a Coach.

Experienced Coaches:

If you're already a coach & you want to think about being more intentional & strategic in your practice, watch our workshop on the Thrive Model for Coaching Success which will help you evaluate your program to see where you may have room to grow - and help you decide if our year-long mentorship and certification program, The Coach, is right for you, right now

Aspiring Leaders:

If you're curious about positional or formal leadership & you want to start learning more from that angle, watch our workshop on the Realities Women Face Pursuing a Leadership Role in Education which features videos from our Women Who Lead interviews, so you can see if Women Who Lead is the right next step for you.

Wherever you are in your coaching journey, we can support you!

For All Coaches

Connect with us!

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Embracing Your Influential Leadership as an Instructional Coach - coachbetter.tv

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Recognizing and embracing your leadership, as a coach, is a key step to building a coaching culture in your school, to working with more coaches, and to ensuring that your coaching program grows and thrives.

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Jim Knight (2021) provides detail about how Instructional Coaches support teachers by comparing and contrasting ICs to sports coaches. He then dives into 5 maxims for ICs to follow which are:

1. A coach is a teacher talking with a teacher.

2. Learning involves seeing reality as it is, not as we wish it to be.

3. If there’s no goal, it’s just a nice conversation.

4. It’s not about me

5. Real learning happens in real life.

Knight (2021) emphasizes the need for an equal partnership in the coach-teacher relationship, for both parties. A teacher needs to be able to count on their coach, but on the other hand, if a teacher becomes too dependent on their coach they will not be deeply learning.

Knight, J. (2021, September 1). The learning zone / Hey instructional coach, what do you do? Professional Learning, 79 (1). https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/the-learning-zone-hey-instructional-coach-what-do-you-do

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The Learning Zone / Hey Instructional Coach, What Do You Do?

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Gaining a deeper understanding of coaches’ roles and impact.

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Schools have reached a critical period of need. Faced with the demand to provide accelerated learning, differentiation, and social-emotional learning supports after years of pandemic learning, teachers (and school leaders) need more support than ever.

Numerous schools have experienced unprecedented turnover, resulting in a much higher percentage of new teachers to support than in the past. Although many midcareer and veteran teachers have persevered through this period of their careers, they are seeking professional invigoration and more agency regarding their professional learning and teaching practice. Supporting these teacher leaders in ways that help them continue to grow, while also being respected for the important contributions they make, is essential.

With so much variation in needs, traditional approaches to professional learning and support yield limited results. One of the best methods for supporting these various needs is through sustained, personalized, and collaborative partnerships between teachers and instructional coaches. My colleague Lindsay Prendergast and I recently had the opportunity to interview school leaders from across the United States to learn about why instructional coaching is especially important in this moment-and what they hope to see for the future of coaching. Here's what we learned.

What do we mean by instructional coaching?

Instructional coaches support students' learning by partnering with their teachers.

As I mentioned in "How to make coaching cycles the center of instructional coaching work," instructional coaching often follows a cycle-a process in which a teacher and instructional coach work collaboratively to set an instructional goal or a student learning goal, use an action plan to meet that goal, monitor progress toward the goal, and then reflect on how well the plan supported the goal. The action plan could feature coteaching, modeling, observation, coplanning, or other actions. The teacher and instructional coach then reflect on evidence to assess the coaching cycle's impact: student work, assessment data, video, student surveys, and/or an observation tool.

The relevance of instructional coaching today

Every school leader we spoke with discussed how instructional coaching has supported teachers' work in their schools and districts. Here are a few reasons they said coaching is so important:

The needs in schools quickly shift, and coaches, whether internal or external, are needed to support teachers in a rapidly changing educational landscape. Many leaders cited recent examples of rapid change, such as the shift to remote learning during COVID-19, adopting and implementing new standards or curriculum, and addressing post-pandemic needs, like social-emotional learning and prioritizing content.

Coaches are one of the few roles exclusively dedicated to supporting professional growth (or at least this is the aspiration, as we know coaches have filled many roles in the last few years). Coaches can support the long-term stability of a school by limiting churn and supporting retention. They can provide ongoing and intensive support to new teachers, but they also play a significant role in supporting the growth of expert teachers who want to deepen and refine their practice or experiment with innovative approaches.

Structured instructional coaching makes a difference in what students learn and how teachers work.Designating a specific process for reflection is one of the main benefits cited. Educators know the importance of reflecting on their practice to make change, but this reflection often does not happen without a structure like instructional coaching to support it.

Coplanning and coteaching are valuable for implementing new teaching strategies or refining existing strategies. School leaders commented that these types of coaching interactions build relational trust and foster a team approach for reaching students' learning goals.

Discussions about data (or evidence of learning) are richer. Coaches can help teachers approach data from an inquisitive stance. A coach can help probe teachers' thinking in a safe environment (if done well) and unleash new insights into how teachers think about and utilize this information in their work.

What school leaders want in the future

While the school leaders we spoke to affirmed that they believed instructional coaching was valuable for supporting teachers and impacting student learning in their schools, they also noted changes they would like to see in the future. Many believe that instructional coaching has the potential to improve in these ways:

Well-trained coaches are vital. Many coaches are former classroom teachers who worked well with colleagues and provided excellent instruction for students. While great teachers can become great coaches, each role demands distinct skill sets. Instructional coaches need high-quality professional learning to do well. Well-trained coaches navigate the relational aspects of school communities and work well in the in-between space of their role compared to teachers, administrators, and other school roles.

More flexibility in instructional coaching services is ideal. The needs of schools often dictate shifts in the focus and the intensity of coaching. Some examples of shifting needs might be schools experiencing increased enrollment in multilingual students, noticing a greater need for social-emotional learning, or implementing a new learning management system. Each of these examples dictates a change in instructional coaching needs. Many leaders wonder how they can reevaluate and reallocate coaching services by making decisions about how often coaches of different specialties are needed from year to year.

There need to be transparent ways to see the impact of instructional coaching. While not all school leaders need a uniform way to see the impact of coaching (such as teacher evaluations or test scores), everyone we talked with did want to see clearer evidence of instructional coaching's impact on teachers and students.

Thinking ahead

Instructional coaching is one factor many school leaders agree is essential for supporting teachers' work and students' learning. However, the current implementation of coaching in many places can still be improved to meet ever-changing needs. Here are some questions for instructional coaches, school leaders, and districts to consider:

Is the primary focus of instructional coaches' work coaching, or are they being asked to prioritize other duties?

How does your current allocation of instructional coaching services meet the needs of your school, and what changes could be made?

Have instructional coaches received training in key areas, such as facilitating coaching cycles, building trust, and leading data discussions?

How do you measure the impact of instructional coaching to clearly communicate its progress?

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The importance of instructional coaching, now and in the future

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One of the best methods for supporting the needs of schools is through sustained, personalized, and collaborative instructional coaching.

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Great Leadership Starts With Self-Leadership

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Great Leadership Starts With Self-Leadership

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Lars Sudman expands on self-leadership qualities and characteristics, and how possessing these can make one an overall better leader.

Borrowed from @Brittany Evans

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Great leadership starts with self-leadership | Lars Sudmann | TEDxUCLouvain

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Caliper Corporation - Hire and Develop Talent with More Precision

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The 7 Benefits of Moving Toward a Coaching Leadership Style - Caliper Corporation

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Coaching-style leadership relies on the relationship between the manager and their employees. The manager is in charge of nurturing this relationship with the intent of coaching employees through their obstacles as well as successes. Good coaching and leadership can be difficult, but if a healthy connection is properly built, it can come surprisingly easily. The