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As of writing this, I am nearing an edge, and what is beyond that edge is infinite; above, below, and the horizon. I don't know what lies beyond, what I do know is that if I don't make a move, nothing happens. If I go back, I'll be walking into the known, every step, every rock, every tree, all relived, ignorant of what does lie beyond.

Though we are completely different, this will always be the same dilemma we share, aside from being the same person. I don't know what lies beyond, and so do you, but what we do know is that we will never know what's beyond that edge without using what we have and what we know.

What I do wish for you is to not stand still beside the edge, as we've often done with a lot of edges, coming to regret not building a bridge to cross. When you see that edge, commit to crossing it until the other side, you can do it, you just need to believe in yourself.

This letter might be a bit long, but it's the best that I can do to be completely honest to you, future me, and at the same time make you think, at least for a while, take care, be happy, be responsible, and live.

Sincerely,

2025 Cas

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Introductory Notes

As of writing, little is known about this individual, he maintains a high level of secrecy that even the best within our agency cannot seem to discern what he really is.

On this dossier you will come to know the common things. Personal information, abilities, likes, dislikes, and so on, but be warned that all of this are just breadcrumbs to whole bigger picture of Caspian.

As of right now, he is 17 and is part of the Ateneo de Davao Senior High School. We are keeping track of his movements, but who knows, he might not be 17, or even from that school...

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In this field, his daily activities are not so quite known, but here is what we were able to gather, so far anyways...

1. Reads a lot of online content: Checking his online activity as of now, he frequents news websites, online forums, and Wikipedia. They mostly relate to geopolitics, history, psychology, and certain figures.

2. Watches many shows and movies:

He likes to watch a lot of things, sci-fi, sitcoms, K-dramas, anime, documentaries, thrillers, anthologies, etc. Whatever genre you can think of, he has watched at least 1 piece of content that has it.

3. Plays video games:

He plays a lot of video games, mainly those that are strategic, psychological, calculative, and engaging. On public, he often plays Roblox, chess, and Sudoku.

4. Reflection:

Often times, he talks to himself (verbally, even) about many things as a way to process and reflect upon situations, solutions, and information. This usually lasts for hours, with him not doing much within that time period, other than some pacing back in forth.

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Fortunately, Subject Caspian is not so secretive of what he likes, so there is a lot to be said.

1. Anything relating to social science:

Geopolitics, internal politics, history, psychology, economics, legislation, corporations, debate, and so on. Social science is his go to, as contradictory to what his academic strand is, it is unknown why he chose the strand in the first place.

2. Strategic and calculative games:

As previously discussed, Caspian likes playing video games, to be more specific, games that make his brain work. According to records, he just likes to play them, gaining satisfaction from solving a problem, then onto the next.

3. Shows and movies:

Not only are they entertaining, they also serve as social commentary for Caspian. A reflection on how society perceives virtue and the human condition.

4. Languages:

Interest in both geopolitics and content from other nations has made Caspian interested in other languages apart from English, Filipino, and Bisaya. So far, he can speak German to a "considerable" degree and is currently learning Mandarin.

5. Arnis:

Thanks to his time in AdDU, Arnis has become something that Caspian enjoys doing. Though his technique is mostly self-thought and performative, at least, and it is more reactionary than habitual.

These are but 5 out of the many things Caspian likes, these are only the main things we have observed so far.

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Caspian's dislikes aren't well known, and the ones that are known are either basic or trivial at best.

1. Schedules:

As someone who prefers to do things in the moment rather than doing things structurally, Caspian dislikes schedules. This doesn't necessarily mean that he cannot follow a schedule.

2. Hypocrites:

People who promise to not do something, only to do it regardless is what he also doesn't like. He understands why they have to, but believes that it does not excuse it.

3. Bad Messages:

Any media that is misinformation or disinformation is seen by Caspian as the ultimate way people can manipulate everyone into thinking certain things that are harmful.

As stated, basic.

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Apparently, Caspian is aware of our surveillance on him, which is why we have ceased all forms of surveillance or comminication with him, in fear of retaliation. We came to know this as he had a sent a mass email to our headquarters. Attached is a copy of the email sent to us.

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To whoever is reading this,

This is the need to know basis about me! It was said I can do whatever I want for this task so I did this, as said, there are still a lot more things I can say, but I think this is enough. If you read this all, thank you! It took me hours worth of reflection :D

Any more questions, feel free to ask :)

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I don't remember much about this stage, and most of what I do know is from my family...

Apparently:

I couldn't speak for 4-5 years.

I was hairy, super hairy.

I had a lot of family members that cared for me that nowadays I don't know about.

Things were "simpler" I guess.

So of course, not really much to go off of...

But I do remember this story:

Whenever I cried, my mom and dad would often drive me around anywhere, the darkness of night, cars passing by, the shining lights, and so on. When I heard that, it felt calming, nostalgic, perhaps.

Those moments probably established how I went through my trust vs mistrust dilemma. That moment told me that the people I trust most are the people closest to me; that has to be the thing I have to hold on to. I must be able to discern who is telling the wrong thing using my intuition and logic.

It's a stretch, I know, but that, in my opinion, spoke a lot about my character back then.

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Unfortunately, this too is left in obscurity, still the same things as the previous page...

Though the "couldn't speak part" probably became very known to my parents, not even a "mama" or "dada".

But I do know this: I was an explorer! I went to a lot of places in the house, the counter, closet, refrigerator, I went up and down all over the place, my parents had to put me under watch otherwise I'd just dissappear and reappear above the roof, or something.

I don't remember those times now, but that does say alot about how I dealt with my autonomy vs shame dilemma. It shows that I am able to create my own decisions based on my needs and wants, though they may have issues that have to be called out, to be able to just do something can be everything.

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So this part of my life has a lot more grounded facts, supported with a lot of toys and stories (toy, story, haha??)

Apparently, I was probably diagnosed with autism, they had a doctor check up on me and apparently they told me I was probably autistic, I doubt that now but I did have this habit of arranging things based on height, shortest to tallest, then if it were misarranged or a part was missing, I'd throw a tantrum, so maybe I might have autism, or at least it's mild? I'm not sure, never had a proper diagnosis.

As per my inability to speak, I was sent to speech therapy, at the age of 5, I managed to say my first word: "Hi". Not really surprising but it was nice regardless, with that, I would loudly recite signs and billboards in the car out of boredom, I guess.

I do have this one memory that really sticks out to me to this day:

I went to my dad's grandfather's funeral, apparently he was super popular back I'm my dad's town so we took hours to go there. It had just rained, a lot of people were gathered by the coffin, while I and my mom just noticed the rainbow on the sky, all that surrounded it were dark clouds. It felt surreal, such a time of grief, had this going on at the background, to this day, I wonder if there was something more to it, something of a higher meaning...

As for my initiative vs guilt dilemma, this part of my life entailed a lot of moments where I did things not out of necessity, but rather out of my wants, my emotions in the moment. Where I, through my own ability to be independent, am able to do, think, and learn about a lot of things, while maintaining some awareness about my wrongdoings.

Oh, and I was also into Spongebob! There's that too I guess.

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Now we're getting into more familiar places, alright!!!

I myself remember a lot of things, combined with a lot of evidence and stories, I can picture a near full look in my personality at that time, which was...

Weird, very weird.

I did an average job at school, getting good enough grades to pass onto the next grade, but I was super into world flags, geography, and even developed a basic understanding of geopolitics. All fostered by a flag poster thing and the Internet.

I never really developed long term friends at that point, I was and still to this day barely have those types of relationships because I like to do my own thing more so, somewhat unsurprising.

I do remember this one time in Grade 2 where I saw a fight happening two people and I stepped in to stop the fight before it got worse. Just, out of pure randomness, without thinking much about it, and a lot of people liked that, so much that I was awarded a "Most Friendly" award.

My mom during this period was at the UAE, so it was me and my dad, thus offset a very unfortunate time, that I was unaware of actually happening, though I'll dig more into that into the next page.

Now for the industry vs inferiority dilemma, it's very apparent to me that I am more than capable at a lot of things back then. But, when there were obvious discrepancies, I couldn't help but feel a bit bad. If I could put this much effort into this, I probably would've gotten better grades, could've earned myself another grade to advance to or be part of an honor class, something that would've put me out there. Of course, I chose to do things at my own pace, because that's what I want, not awards and recognition, just knowing and doing more on the thing I liked was enough for me.

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In these 5 years of my life so happened to have the happiest and saddest days, because I can remember them so well.

For one, my parents had separated, all having different lives away from each other except in matters that involved me. Looking back at those times, even if they were fighting, I can feel that they prioritized me and what they are to me.

My social skills went up dramatically, sure, I'm still mostly an introvert, but I'm not so isolated and detached from most people unlike before, Grade 9 would be the start of that.

It was also around that time that I got better grades, finally got an honor streak, nowadays it's not so apparent but I did work hard on those things that it really established that I really do have massive potential, I just had to focus that energy.

There are a lot of stories and memories that I can share about these years, but I should share one for the sake of brevity.

It was months ago, I had just taken a shower and put on new clothes so I decided to just lay down, get my phone and watch some K-Drama on Netflix. The room, dark; the sky, dark, its just pure darkness, the only light coming from my phone, I didn't feel scared, just glad, then after a while thought of everything that's happened in my life and I just felt...content, like everything is as should be.

How that relates to my identity vs confusion dilemma is simple. It highlights how despite all the ups and downs I had experienced, I got to that moment, a moment of content, of just being glad to be there. That all that I have gone through has made me a better person than I was before because I know how to deal with them, I know what it feels.

And right now, I feel content.

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This is my career plan, difficult but worth it in the end!

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Where it all started!

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My father is the greatest! (with my mother of course!)

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To family! The people we love!

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Was the subject Personal Development helpful for you? How did this subject help you know yourself more?
Yes, Personal Development was really helpful for me. The subject made me reflect upon my character as I observe how I interact with others - family, friends, even a stranger, it pointed a mirror directly towards me. Personal Development helped show me my own strengths and weaknesses.

What were your key takeaways from the subject?

My key takeaways from the subject were two things; love is complex and family is important. Love may have one core idea, however the many interpretations and situations that surround it make it complicated, yet so refreshing. Family, through success and failure, is always with me; they are the top supporters and guides to my life.

What two topics were your favourites and why?

The topics that were my favorites were "Types of Love" and "Family Structures". These two topics made me reflect on how I interact with love and family, how to approach them appropriately and avoid making a huge mistake. Coming face to face with these two made me appreciate them more by providing relief to know why they do such things, making me grateful.