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Debt advice | Free debt advice | National Debtline | National Debtline

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National Debtline is a debt advice service run by the Money Advice Trust. The Money Advice Trust is a registered charity: no. 1099506. A company limited by guarantee Registered in England and Wales: no. 4741583.

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Emergency Help If You Have No Money Or Food. StepChange

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A cash crisis can happen to anyone. At StepChange Debt Charity, we’ve got free advice and resources if you urgently need help. Get in touch with us today

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Eastleigh Basics Bank is a charity in Eastleigh which provides food parcels to people who are experiencing financial hardship.

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Online free advice from Citizens Advice to help you find a way forward, whatever the problem. Our research enables us to campaign on issues affecting people's lives.

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Offer your children support and guidance with our range of online safety guides

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What to do if your child comes to you needing help and where to report specific online concerns.
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Speak to your child about how to stay safe and happy online.
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Advice for parents and carers to help support children and young people in their safe and responsible use of the internet.

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Campaigning for change

We fight to change laws to make society safer for children. Our Wild West Web campaign has pushed for new regulations through the Online Safety Bill to make sure websites, apps and games are safe for children to use. But the draft Bill doesn't go far enough to protect children.
Help us end the Wild West Web

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Understanding online safety is tricky for all ages - we have advice and guides to help you learn about staying safe online as a family.

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How to introduce the kids to the internet

It's important to build trust with your child and talk to them about the potential issues they may face online. Be someone that they can confide in, and reassure them that you're always there to offer support and protection should they need it. Take a look at our resources below to help you on your way.

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I've just taken the Virgin Media o2 Children's Online Safety Test. Click here to have a go!

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It's important to build trust with your child and talk to them about the potential issues they may face online. Be someone that they can confide in, and reassure them that you're always there to offer support and protection should they need it. Take a look at our resources below to help you on your way.

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Thinkuknow - advice from CEOP - UK Safer Internet Centre

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Advice and support from police agency CEOP about online relationships, grooming, sexual abuse, nude images and risky behaviours.

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Work through these steps with your child, ideally when you are both calm and able to manage your emotions.

● Ask your child to describe the problem from their point of view. This helps them think about what caused it in the first place. For example, say ' It looks like you are arguing with your brother. Tell me what the problem is?

● Listen to what they said then summarise the problem. This will help them to understand what the problem is. For example, 'So you both want to play with the same toy'.

● Show your child that you understand their feelings about the problem. This can help them feel validated. Then they can think about possible solutions - it's hard to do that when you're focused on being angry and upset.

● Encourage your child to suggest solutions. Encourage them to be creative. Only offer ideas if they get really stuck, or if you need to get them to think about the words they might use. For example, your child says "I should ask him for the toy". Then you say "so what might you need to say to him when you ask him".

● Talk to your child about how their solutions might make the others involved feel. This will help them develop empathy as well as being a great way to find solutions. For example, ask them ' What do you think your brother feels like when you take the toy from him without asking?'

● Ask your child to think about what could happen when they try out a solution. This can help them prepare what they will do next. For some children imagining future consequences is hard, so it's ok to give more direct support in this step.

● Help your child to choose which of their solutions would work best by picking one that is safe, fair and that will lead to good feelings.

● Encourage your child to talk with you about how it went when they tried out their solution.

If your child is between 4-6, you can practice this in play. Use a puppet and pretend the puppet has a problem that children that age often have. Then ask your child to think about some solutions to solve this problem for the puppet.

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Place2Be: Parenting Smart: Problem-solving with Children

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Work through these steps with your child, ideally when you are both calm and able to manage your emotions. ● Ask your child to describe the problem from their point of view. This helps them think about what caused it in the first place.

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Giving our children and young people opportunities to open up is one of the biggest things we can do as parents and carers to support their wellbeing. It can be easy to forget the simple power of sharing what we're going through and feeling heard. But even though you can't fix everything when your child is struggling, you can make them feel seen and understood - and this in itself can make them feel more able to cope.

Talking about how they are, how their day has been and what's on their mind as part of everyday family life shows your child that you're interested in them and want to listen. It also supports them to practise thinking and talking about their feelings, helping them to get to know themselves and what they need.

But talking isn't always easy. You might feel like you don't know where to start, when a 'good time' is, or how your young person will react. Or, you might be worried about making things worse or saying the wrong thing. If this is the case, try to remember that your child doesn't need you to always get it right - they just need to know you're there.

Here, you can find lots of ideas, conversation starters and advice for making talking easier.

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How to Talk to Your Child about Mental Health

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Read our advice on how you can talk to your child about mental health and encourage them to talk about their feelings.

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Stress Busters | Save the Children’s Resource Centre

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How do you explain upsetting news - be it natural disasters, the death of a public figure, violent crime or war - to your child? Do you need to?
Many parents will ask themselves these questions, not knowing what to do for the best. Should they cover everything up and tell them it's all going to be fine or should they be fully open and honest about the situation?

Young people have access to a huge amount of news information, particularly in this age of social media, and will probably already be well aware of the details surrounding certain news events - from the Russian invasion of Ukraine, to the death of a public figure or celebrity.
It is important to help children process these events, but in a way that doesn't overwhelm them.
There is no benefit to a child of any age to pretend that these negative, often traumatic, events in the news are not real. However, it is important to put these events into the context of the rest of the child's life. If they are anxious about implications in their own life, some reassurance about how removed these events actually are, in contrast to how news or social media outlets might be representing it, will be helpful.

Whilst it is important to reassure children that events might not have a direct effect on their own lives, it is equally important to encourage children to show compassion for others in a different circumstance to their own.
This is an important part of supporting them in their emotional development and will help them to feel connected to others.

If your child's friend or classmate is distressed by a headline, maybe the death of a public figure or celebrity, you might also encourage them to show compassion by being kind, understanding and available to talk during school.

It might not always seem apparent, but children do take cues from their parents and carers.
If we are constantly watching the news, anxiously scrolling our phones for the latest bulletins, and referring to an event all the time, they will immediately pick up on this and their anxiety will escalate.

Talk to your friends and adult family members when you need to manage your own feelings, to model calm and normality around your child as much as possible. When they see you coping normally, it's highly likely they will follow suit.

If you are having a strong grief reaction to a news event, it is important to make sure that these feelings are managed in an appropriate way.

For example, if you are particularly upset about a death in the news because you too have had a recent significant bereavement, then it will be important to explain this to your child so they can understand what the feelings are about.

If the anxiety is more about your own mortality, it might be best to keep this fear away from children. Instead, manage it separately with other adult family members or friends.

After any traumatic event, it is important that children and young people return to a normal routine as quickly as possible. It is no different if you are hearing about something, rather than directly experiencing it, and you should try to make sure that your child doesn't stop doing anything they would normally do.

So, whether it's going to a swimming club, meeting up with friends, or just keeping to normal routines around getting up in the morning and mealtimes, these should continue.

Children may want to do something to make their views about world events known to others. This can help to instil a sense of control over the situation and their feelings, which is useful to managing any growing anxiety.
It will also help them to connect with other people who share the same feelings about a conflict, disaster, or a bereavement.

Some of the most helpful ways to instil a sense of control over the situation include encouraging young people to talk to their friends and family about their feelings. Or they can channel their concern into a piece of community action, such as helping a neighbour who is unable to get out of the house, donating clothes, or volunteering at the local food bank.

In the wake of a disastrous headline, the world can feel uncontrollable and hard to make sense of.
Without making it too obvious, take time to instil the feeling that home is a safe environment where they are not under threat. Nothing has changed at home, in school or in their immediate environment. Life goes on as normal, as far as you and they are concerned. Try hard not to catastrophise about the future, as the ambiguity of 'anything could happen next' will send their anxiety soaring through the roof.

The topic of death is always going to feel extremely difficult for children, but if it is explained in a straightforward and non-frightening way, children can accept the facts and incorporate them into a narrative about their lives.

Your child may come to you with all kinds of 'facts' which they have picked up through social media and conversations with their friends at school. They might quote these to you, without it being obvious that part of what they want to do is check whether you think they are true. Try asking, 'Where did you hear that?' and 'Tell me a bit more about that', rather than saying simply, 'That's not true'.

Depending on the impact these 'facts' have - and this will partly depend on their age - also try going back to them a few days later. Ask if they are still thinking about it, or if they want to know anything more.

Many young people will be engaged in conversations about world events and will be worrying about them. Others will simply be more interested in their position in the next football match or their forthcoming exams, and this is fine.
Don't force a conversation or try to get them to engage in concerns about these events, if it isn't something they want to think about or discuss. Let their response and interest levels guide you.

We hope these practical tips will help you to keep communication and connection going with your child or teenager through challenging times.

If you have any doubt at all about whether you have done or have said the wrong thing, it's best to be honest about it. Perhaps say something like, 'Actually, it's scary, isn't it - when we don't know what's going to happen? I'm not certain either.' But reassure them that you can support each other through this.

It can be hugely helpful during difficult times if we, as parents and carers, can model how best to live with uncertainty - while also showing the capacity to name and talk about complex feelings.
Dr Sheila Redfern is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at the Anna Freud Centre

Further help and resources:
The BBC Headroom campaign has links to lots of helpful content around mental health. You can also visit the YoungMinds website for more advice.

The NHS offers advice for parents around difficult times .

King's College London/the Maudsley charity have some great animated resources with celebrity voices as part of their Families Under Pressure campaign .

For helplines and information on other mental health services, look at BBC Action Line .

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How to help your child understand upsetting news

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How do you explain upsetting news - be it natural disasters, the death of a public figure, violent crime or war - to your child? Do you need to? Many parents will ask themselves these questions, not knowing what to do for the best.

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The Eatwell Guide shows how much of what we eat overall should come from each food group to achieve a healthy, balanced diet.
You do not need to achieve this balance with every meal, but try to get the balance right over a day or even a week.

Most of us still are not eating enough fruit and vegetables. They should make up just over a third of the food we eat each day.

Aim to eat at least 5 portions of a variety of fruit and veg each day. Choose from fresh, frozen, tinned, dried or juiced.

Remember that fruit juice and smoothies should be limited to no more than a combined total of 150ml a day.

Fruit and vegetables are a good source of vitamins, minerals and fibre.
Find out more about how to get your 5 A Day

Starchy food should make up just over a third of the food we eat. Choose higher fibre or wholegrain varieties, such as wholewheat pasta and brown rice, or simply leave the skins on potatoes.

There are also higher fibre versions of white bread and pasta.

Starchy foods are a good source of energy and the main source of a range of nutrients in our diet.
Find out more about starchy foods

These foods are good sources of protein, vitamins and minerals. Pulses, such as beans, peas and lentils, are good alternatives to meat because they're low in fat and they're a good source of fibre and protein, too.

Choose lean cuts of meat and mince, and eat less red and processed meat like bacon, ham and sausages.

Aim for at least 2 portions (2 x 140g) of fish every week, 1 of which should be oily, such as salmon, sardines or mackerel.

Find out about fish and meat.

Milk, cheese, yoghurt and fromage frais are good sources of protein and some vitamins, and they're also an important source of calcium, which helps keep our bones healthy.

Try to go for lower-fat and lower-sugar products where possible, like semi-skimmed, skimmed or 1% fat milk, reduced-fat cheese or plain low-fat yoghurt.
Find out more about milk and dairy foods

Unsaturated fats are healthier fats and include vegetable, rapeseed, olive and sunflower oils.

Remember all types of fat are high in energy and should be eaten in small amounts.
Find out more about the different types of fat in our diet

These foods include chocolate, cakes, biscuits, sugary soft drinks, butter, ghee and ice cream.

They're not needed in our diet, so should be eaten less often and in smaller amounts.
Get tips on cutting down on sugar

Water, lower-fat milks, lower-sugar or sugar-free drinks and tea and coffee all count.

Fruit juice and smoothies also count towards your fluid consumption, but they contain free sugars that can damage teeth, so limit these drinks to a combined total of 150ml a day.
Find out more about water, drinks and your health

How does the Eatwell Guide work?

The Eatwell Guide divides the foods and drinks we consume into 5 main food groups.

Try to choose a variety of different foods from each of the groups to help you get the wide range of nutrients your body needs to stay healthy.

It's important to get some fat in your diet, but foods that are high in fat, salt and sugar have been placed outside of the main Eatwell Guide as they're not necessary as part of a healthy, balanced diet and most of us need to cut down on these.

Unsaturated fats from plant sources (for example, vegetable oil or olive oil) are healthier types of fat.

But all types of fat are high in energy (calories), so they should only be eaten in small amounts.

On average, women should have around 2,000 calories a day (8,400 kilojoules) and men should have around 2,500 calories a day (10,500 kilojoules). We all need different amounts of energy (or calories) from food to be a healthy weight. How much you need depends on lots of things, including how active you are.

Find out how food labels can help you choose between foods and pick those lower in fat, saturated fat, sugar and salt.

Combination foods

Many foods, such as pizzas, casseroles, pasta dishes and sandwiches, are combinations of the food groups in the Eatwell Guide.

With these meals, check the ingredients and think about how these fit with the sections on the guide to help you achieve a balanced diet.

Does the Eatwell Guide apply to everyone?

The Eatwell Guide applies to most of us, whether we're a healthy weight or overweight, whether we eat meat or are vegetarian, and no matter what our ethnic origin.

Anyone with special dietary requirements or medical needs might want to check with a registered dietitian on how to adapt the Eatwell Guide to meet their individual needs.

Children under the age of 2

The Eatwell Guide does not apply to children under the age of 2 because they have different nutritional needs.

Between the ages of 2 and 5, children should gradually move to eating the same foods as the rest of the family in the proportions shown in the Eatwell Guide.

Read more about babies, toddlers and young children's nutritional needs in Your baby's first solid foods.

Download the Eatwell Guide booklet

For more information, including details of which foods are included in the food groups, download GOV.UK's The Eatwell Guide.

Healthy eating support

Food and diet advice on the NHS website includes:

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Read about the interactive Eatwell Guide, which shows how much of what we eat overall should come from each food group to achieve a healthy, balanced diet.

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Children need regular meals and snacks to give them the energy and nutrients to grow and stay healthy. Children's nutritional needs change as they get older, so it is important to be aware of these changes. This Food Fact Sheet will help you ensure your child is eating the right food, whatever age they are.
How can I encourage my child to eat more healthily?

It's not just about what your child eats, but also the environment around them when they are eating. When children eat with other members of the family and have the same meals, this encourages children to enjoy a variety of foods. If you can, try to sit down and eat meals as a family, without the distractions of the television or computer games.

Snacking can also affect a child's eating habits and can mean that they don't have a balanced diet. Try to keep snacking to twice per day and opt for fruit and vegetables, in place of snacks high in fat, salt and sugar.

Food and eating should be enjoyable and fun! Children love to get involved. Take them to the shops to help choose different foods. Let them help with cooking, by putting foods in the pan or help with chopping up soft foods with close supervision. Make sure you also talk about healthy eating at home, as this will create a positive relationship for your child in relation to food.

What types of food should children eat?

Children under five years are growing rapidly and have high requirements for energy (kcals). This energy needs to come from nutritious foods. Children over the age of five should follow a healthy diet suitable for all the family.

The nutrients children need are found in these four groups. These foods should all be offered every day:

1. Starchy carbohydrates

Each meal should be based on foods from this group and these foods provide energy. These foods include; bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, breakfast cereals and grains such as couscous and quinoa. For children who are over five-years-old, wholegrain varieties are a better option. These are healthier and more filling.

2. Fruit and vegetables

Aim for five portions of fruit and vegetables every day. Fruit and vegetables provide lots of vitamins which can help to prevent coughs and colds. They also contain fibre for good bowel health. Fruit & vegetables can be fresh, frozen, tinned (in their own juice) or dried. Fresh fruit juice also counts towards one portion per day but should be given alongside mealtimes. Try and include both fruit and vegetables at main meals, fruit can be used as a snack or to make smoothies.

3. Calcium-containing foods

This group provides children with protein and calcium. This is important for growth and healthy bone and teeth development. Products such as milk, cheese, yoghurt and fromage frais are good options. Your child should ideally aim for three servings of calcium-rich food every day - for example, a 150ml glass of milk, a small pot of yoghurt and a small matchbox-sized piece of cheese. Non-dairy alternatives to cow's milk can be given from six months in food and from 12 months as a main drink.

If you do choose plant-based alternatives, our vegetarian, vegan and plant-based fact sheet explains some of the key nutrients you need to be aware of. You should make sure that these milks contain 120mg of calcium per 100mls and also have around 55-60kcals per 100mls.

If you need more advice, talk to a health professional. Children under two years should have full fat milk and dairy foods. Semi-skimmed milk can be introduced from two years if they are growing well.

4. Protein and iron

Meat, fish, eggs, nuts, pulses (like beans, lentils and peas), and foods made from pulses (like tofu, hummus and soya mince) are excellent sources of protein and iron. Protein is needed for growth and iron is needed to prevent anaemia; a common condition seen in children. A variety of protein rich foods should be given at least twice per day.

Should I give my children food and drink high in fat and/or sugar?

Foods which are high in sugar and fat will provide extra energy but few nutrients.

This group of foods includes biscuits, cake, ice cream, sweets, chocolate, condiments such as ketchup, savoury snacks such as crisps, chips and sugary drinks.

High sugar intakes often lead to tooth decay and can lead to obesity in children. It is important to avoid giving your child frequent sugary drinks, snacks or sweets to protect their teeth and overall health. If you want to give them something sugary, it is best to limit these to twice per week or at mealtimes.

Healthy cooking methods

Changing your cooking methods can help to reduce the amount of fat in your child's food. If you fry foods, why not try grilling, steaming or baking foods instead? This will reduce the fat content. You could also reduce the fat by adding less butter to mashed potato or on bread and using less oil in cooking. Using a spray bottle can help to reduce oil use.

Meal structure

Children should be offered three meals per day with two small snacks in between. Breakfast is a really important meal, it is a great way to help children meet their daily vitamin and mineral requirements. Breakfast options such as cereals tend to have extra vitamins and minerals added.

Children who have breakfast have been shown to concentrate better throughout the morning in school.

At lunch and evening meal time, offer children a variety of different foods and each day. You should offer different foods each mealtime. By eating a variety of foods, children can get a range of different nutrients.

Drinks

Keeping hydrated is important too. Some families find putting a jug of water on the table at mealtimes encourages the whole family to have a glass.

The best drinks for children are water and milk as they will not damage teeth. Fizzy drinks and sugary squash/cordial can provide excess energy and lead to unnecessary weight gain.

Pure fruit juice and smoothies provide quite a lot of sugar and should only be offered once per day. Dilute any sweet drinks with water - one part squash to ten parts water. If fresh juice, give half pure juice/half water for children under five.

Drinks should be offered to children at each mealtime and one or two drinks should be given in between. It is a good idea to offer extra drinks when the weather is hot and during sports.

Tea is not recommended for children as it reduces iron absorption. Try to offer warm milk instead.

Salty foods

Children do not need salt added to their food - try using herbs and spices instead. It is a good idea to limit salty snacks like crisps and reduce the amount of processed salty foods such as ready meals and processed meats.

Does my child need a daily vitamin?

All children aged six months to four years should be given a supplement containing vitamins A, C and D, such as Healthy Start vitamin drops.

All children over the age of one should have a vitamin containing 10 micrograms of vitamin D, especially during autumn and winter. For more information on vitamin D, see the BDA Food Fact Sheet on this topic.

Top tips

Be aware of your child's changing nutritional needs as they get older

Creating a good eating environment will encourage children to try more foods

Try to limit snacking and opt for fruit and veg

Meals should be based on starchy carbohydrates such as potatoes, pasta, rice and wholegrain cereals

Choose healthy cooking methods like grilling or baking to limit fats

Avoid salty snacks and try to reduce ready meals and processed meats that may contain more salt

Remember to ensure your child is well hydrated

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Children need regular meals and snacks to give them the energy and nutrients to grow and stay healthy. Children's nutritional needs change as they get older, so it is important to be aware of these changes. This Food Fact Sheet will help you ensure your child is eating the right food, whatever age they are.

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It can be difficult to tell if a child is overweight as they're still growing.

You can check by calculating their body mass index (BMI).

The result will be given as a centile (or percentile).

You'll need to know their date of birth, height, weight and when you measured them.
Calculate your BMI for children and teenagers

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Advice for parents of overweight children

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It can be difficult to tell if a child is overweight as they are still growing. Find tips on how to help your child reach a healthier weight.

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Nutrition for children - British Nutrition Foundation

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It is important for children to have a balanced diet to get all the nutrients and energy their bodies need to grow, maintain a healthy weight, and feel good.

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Fortunately, specific behavioral changes and adjustments to the sleep environment will help most children with insomnia. We've compiled the top tips that are proven to help kids sleep. The recommendations outlined here are best suited for toddlers through early adolescence. Both babies and teens will have specific considerations of their own.

These lists may seem long, but you don't need to implement them all at once. It's better to focus on trying a few small changes, giving them time to work, and then adjusting your approach based on how your child responds.

Keep in mind that every child's sleep needs will vary based on their age, genetics, and cultural differences. Therefore, not all approaches will work equally well for all children, and there can be an element of trial and error. However, your patience will be rewarded in time as your little one learns to fall asleep quickly on their own and keep sleeping soundly through the night.

Sleep hygiene - a collection of habits and behaviors that promote good sleep - is vital for children. Many sleep struggles are caused or made worse by poor sleep hygiene. When practicing sleep hygiene, remember that consistency is key. Sleep strategies take time and repetition to be effective.

Create a Routine: Humans are creatures of habit. A lets your child's body and mind know that it's time to settle down and prepare for sleep. The actual routine can be specific to your child, but it should last around 20 minutes and consist of three to four quiet, soothing activities such as putting on PJs, brushing teeth, a warm bath, and reading. Bedtime routines provide children with a sense of familiarity and comfort, which acts in direct opposition to the uncertainty of insomnia.

Set a Bedtime: A sleep schedule works with your child's natural biological clock to promote dozing off with regularity. Bedtimes are most useful when they're consistent, so try to keep the same bedtime on weekends as on school nights. Altering bedtimes during the weekend will make it more difficult for kids to maintain their normal weekday schedules.

Implement a Screen Curfew: The ubiquity of screens makes this rule hard to implement, but it's well worth it. Mobile devices, TVs, and tablets emit a type of blue light that suppresses melatonin, a hormone that promotes sleep. Children may be to the effects of light from screens. Screen time also stimulates the brain, making it harder to wind down for sleep. Electronic devices should be kept out of the bedroom and ideally not used within one hour of bedtime. Consider using the created by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Get Exercise: Physical activity is proven to help people of all ages . Most children need at least of exercise per day. Just make sure to avoid vigorous activity within two hours of bedtime. Otherwise, your child may feel wound-up and find it harder to fall asleep.

Avoid Scary or Violent Content: Feeling scared or worried is a common reason kids can't sleep. So it's no wonder that scary or violent movies, TV, video games, and even books in the evening are in children. If your kiddo likes the gory or spooky stuff, save it for the daytime.

Nix Caffeine: This is a no brainer. Caffeine is a stimulant that can both make it harder to fall asleep and reduce the quality of sleep. In addition to the usual suspects like soda, coffee, and energy drinks, watch out for more discreet sources like tea, decaf coffee (which still has trace amounts of caffeine) and chocolate. Even small amounts of caffeine can have a in a little body. Don't let your child consume caffeine , or preferably, avoid it all together.

Don't Sleep With a Pet: While it's tempting for tots to snuggle Fido in bed, a pet's movements and noises during the night can awaken them from a peaceful slumber. Try having your furry family member sleep outside of your child's bedroom for a few nights to see if that helps. To make the transition easier, include saying goodnight to pets in the bedtime routine.

Optimizing your child's bedroom is an integral part of inducing quick and seamless shuteye. People with insomnia are more likely to be distracted by an uncomfortable bedroom National Library of Medicine, Biotech Information The National Center for Biotechnology Information advances science and health by providing access to biomedical and genomic information. View Source , which makes sleep even harder. These tips can help you create the perfect sleep setup for your little one:

Room Temperature: The body and brain both in preparation for sleep, and this can be disrupted by a stuffy bedroom. To avoid this, try to keep the thermostat around 65 degrees.

Noise: Research suggests that even mild sound disturbances can , even if the sleeper never awakens. Consider noise-blocking curtains to cut down on street noise. You can also use a fan or white noise machine to drown out unpredictable or distracting sounds.

Light Level: Start dimming indoor lights as bedtime approaches, and keep your child's bedroom as dark as possible. This and . If your child is afraid of the dark, a small nightlight is okay.

Soothing smells: Calming scents like can have mild sedative effects. You might try using essential oils, a room diffuser, or dried potpourri sachet to provide a soothing, sleep-inducing smell.

Unfortunately, childhood anxiety is steadily rising Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) As the nation's health protection agency, CDC saves lives and protects people from health threats. known to disrupt sleep Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) ADAA's mission focuses on improving quality of life for those with anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and co-occurring disorders through education, practice, and research. View Source . Stress is View Source in all ages, so anything that can reduce worrying before bed is helpful. Help your child learn to manage their concerns with these tactics:

Write In a Journal: Encourage your child to get their anxious thoughts out of their head and onto paper. It can also help for them to write about the good things that happened in the day. Focusing on the positive will help children feel more secure.

Mindfulness Exercises: Mindfulness exercises like meditation are proven to . There are many kid-friendly meditations that parents and children can do together. These often consist of simple breathing techniques, body awareness, or guided imagery. Look to books, tapes, and even smartphone apps for ideas.

Create a Worry Time: It's okay to discuss worries, just not at bedtime. Set aside a specific time during the day for your children to discuss their concerns and how to cope with them. This can free children of the need to dwell on worries before bed.

It's normal for even the best little sleepers to awaken from slumber and ask for a parent. When your child cries out for you, it's okay to tend to them. However, you should do so with intention. This is not the time to give in to demands, as doing so can increase stimulation and make it harder to fall asleep. Fulfilling your child's every request can also reinforce an unhelpful pattern of relying on parental assistance for sleep.

Instead, keep the checks short and simple. The point is to provide your child with reassurance that they're safe and cared for, while still fostering their ability to self-soothe and sleep on their own. Some parents may even wait a few seconds before answering a call so that their child has the opportunity to fall back asleep on their own.

If you have any doubt over whether your child's nighttime checks are appropriate, consult your child's doctor for guidance.

If your child continues to have trouble sleeping despite your best efforts, it may be time to check in with their pediatrician. Although uncommon, there can be more serious causes of childhood insomnia, such as childhood sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome.

Any of these reasons are cause to involve a doctor:

Significant daytime sleepiness

Frequent or severe snoring or other abnormal breathing during sleep

Suspected psychological or developmental condition

Considering medications or supplements to aid in sleep

For a couple of weeks before the doctor appointment, it can help to keep a sleep diary. This is a nightly recording of your child's bed time, nap times, sleep length, and activities. A sleep diary helps to identify patterns and possible problems to address.

Learn more about our Editorial Team

References

1. Esparham, A. (2020, January 2). Melatonin and Children's Sleep. HealthyChildren.Org.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/Melatonin-and-Childrens-Sleep.aspx

2. Mindell, J. A., Li, A. M., Sadeh, A., Kwon, R., & Goh, D. Y. (2015). Bedtime routines for young children: a dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 38(5), 717-722.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25325483/

3. LeBourgeois, M. K., Hale, L., Chang, A. M., Akacem, L. D., Montgomery-Downs, H. E., & Buxton, O. M. (2017). Digital media and sleep in childhood and adolescence. Pediatrics, 140(Suppl 2), S92-S96.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29093040/

4. Family Media Use Plan. (n.d.)., Retrieved September 23, 2020, from
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/media/Pages/default.aspx

5. A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia. (2017, August 30). Benefits of Exercise., Retrieved August 30, 2020, from
https://medlineplus.gov/benefitsofexercise.html

6. A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia. (2017, August 30). How Much Exercise Do I Need?., Retrieved August 30, 2020, from
https://medlineplus.gov/howmuchexercisedoineed.html

7. Garrison, M. M., Liekweg, K., & Christakis, D. A. (2011). Media use and child sleep: the impact of content, timing, and environment. Pediatrics, 128(1), 29-35.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21708803/

8. Temple J. L. (2019). Review: Trends, Safety, and Recommendations for Caffeine Use in Children and Adolescents. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 58(1), 36-45.
https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0890856718318847

9. Drake, C., Roehrs, T., Shambroom, J., & Roth, T. (2013). Caffeine effects on sleep taken 0, 3, or 6 hours before going to bed. Journal of clinical sleep medicine : JCSM : official publication of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 9(11), 1195-1200.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24235903/

10. Narisawa H. (2013). Anxiety and its related factors at bedtime are associated with difficulty in falling asleep. The Tohoku journal of experimental medicine, 231(1), 37-43.
https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/tjem/231/1/231_37/_article

11. Harding, E. C., Franks, N. P., & Wisden, W. (2019). The temperature dependence of sleep. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 13, 336.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31105512/

12. Van Der Werf, Y. D., Altena, E., Schoonheim, M. M., Sanz-Arigita, E. J., Vis, J. C., De Rijke, W., & Van Someren, E. J. (2009). Sleep benefits subsequent hippocampal functioning. Nature neuroscience, 12(2), 122-123.
http://www.nature.com/articles/nn.2253

13. Burgess, H. J., & Molina, T. A. (2014). Home lighting before usual bedtime impacts circadian timing: a field study. Photochemistry and photobiology, 90(3), 723-726.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24918238/

14. Gooley, J. J., Chamberlain, K., Smith, K. A., Khalsa, S. B., Rajaratnam, S. M., Van Reen, E., Zeitzer, J. M., Czeisler, C. A., & Lockley, S. W. (2011). Exposure to room light before bedtime suppresses melatonin onset and shortens melatonin duration in humans. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, 96(3), E463-E472.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21193540/

15. Koulivand, P. H., Khaleghi Ghadiri, M., & Gorji, A. (2013). Lavender and the nervous system. Evidence-based complementary and alternative medicine : eCAM, 2013, 681304.
https://www.hindawi.com/journals/ecam/2013/681304/

16. National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities. (2020, June 15). Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/data.html

17. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (n.d.). Sleep Disorders., Retrieved August 31, 2020, from
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/sleep-disorders

18. Ong, J. C., Manber, R., Segal, Z., Xia, Y., Shapiro, S., & Wyatt, J. K. (2014). A randomized controlled trial of mindfulness meditation for chronic insomnia. Sleep, 37(9), 1553-1563.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25142566/

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Sleep Strategies for Children | Sleep Foundation

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Wondering about sleep aids for kids? These proven sleep tips will help children learn to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep.

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Tips and advice for routines with kids. Routines help kids feel safe, build healthy habits and also help parents manage stress. Whether it’s bath time, bedtime or the school run, we’ve got you!

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Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Baby and toddler sleep advice - routines and not sleeping

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Advice and support when your baby or toddler won't sleep. Routines, settling your baby, keeping a sleep diary and where your baby should sleep.

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How much physical activity should children and young people aged 5 to 18 do to keep healthy?
Children and young people need to do 2 types of physical activity each week:

aerobic exercise

exercises to strengthen their muscles and bones

Children and young people aged 5 to 18 should:

aim for an average of at least 60 minutes of moderate or vigorous intensity physical activity a day across the week

take part in a variety of types and intensities of physical activity across the week to develop movement skills, muscles and bones

reduce the time spent sitting or lying down and break up long periods of not moving with some activity. Aim to spread activity throughout the day

What counts as moderate activity?

Moderate intensity activities will raise your heart rate, and make you breathe faster and feel warmer.

One way to tell if you're working at a moderate intensity level is if you can still talk, but not sing.

Children and young people should do a range of different activities across the week.

Examples include:

walking to school or walking the dog

playground activities, including jumping, running and catching

physical education

sports, like football or tennis

swimming

skipping

dancing

skateboarding or rollerblading

cycling

What activities strengthen muscles and bones?

Examples include:

gymnastics

football

jumping

martial arts

sit-ups, press-ups and other similar exercises (for young people)

resistance exercises with exercise bands, weight machines or handheld weights (for young people)

Exercising safely

Children and young people should:

get medical advice about exercising if they have a health condition

do exercise that is suitable for their age, ability and experience

start any new exercise slowly and increase it bit by bit

use protective equipment, for example for cycling and skateboarding

Young people can use weights for resistance exercise if a qualified adult trains them to use weights correctly and supervises them.

Physical activity recommendation for other age groups:
GOV.UK has infographics on physical activity for children and young people

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Physical activity guidelines for children and young people

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Find out how much physical activity children and young people aged 5 to 18 need to do to keep healthy?

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How to get your child's bedtime routine right

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Sleep consultant Mandy Gurney gives advice on how to get your child's bedtime routine right before primary school.

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Separation and divorce: understanding parental rights and responsibilities

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Find out more about managing child contact and parental responsibility after parents divorce or separate.

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How can I help my child through my divorce or separation?

Every child and young person's experience with the loss of their known family unit will be unique, but it can sometimes cause intense emotional distress.

In the immediate aftermath of a break-up, children's early responses can involve a number of defence behaviours, including: denial, disbelief, dissociation, hyperactivity, irritability and protest, alarm and panic. Over time, children may experience grief and display behaviours and emotions that indicate yearning and pining, sadness and depression, anger and hostility, anxiety, guilt, shame and despair. Even if children feel relieved at a family break-up where violence is a significant factor, most children will still feel some loss and grief.

There are things you can do to improve the way your child copes with the changes going on around them.

Things that may really make a difference:

Tips and advice from our Parents Helpline

Download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation

For more information and advice, you can download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation. The guide includes:

information about how children of different age groups may react to - and cope with - their parents divorcing or separating

advice on how you can support your child through a parental break-up

a list of helplines and services you can use

Supporting children through divorce or parental separation | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

The impacts of parental alienation and emotional abuse

A parent who turns their child against their other parent by bad-mouthing, belittling the other adult, limiting contact between them, forbidding discussion about them, creating the impression the parent does not love the child or forcing the child to reject the parent is becoming increasingly common and can do significant damage to children's mental health.

The Chief Executive of the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS), Anthony Douglas, recommended in February 2017 that parents who use this type of 'alienation' should be considered guilty of neglect or emotional abuse.

You may also find helpful...

Where to get further support

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Divorce & Young People's Mental Health | Parent Guide

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When parents divorce, it can have a big impact on a child's mental health. Read our advice on looking after your child's wellbeing through a separation.

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Supportive advice if you are experiencing a divorce or separation

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The following information could help if your child has lost or is about to lose someone, such as a family member or friend.

If your child is about to lose someone

If a child has a loved one, such as a friend or family member who's going to die, they can benefit from special support.

A child's stress level is often at its highest before bereavement because of fear and the unknown.

Pre-bereavement counselling gives a child a chance to think and talk about their feelings and share their worries.
The YoungMinds website has more information on counselling services for children and young people
Making a memory box

If you're a parent and you know you're going to die, you could make a memory box to give to your child, or make one together.

A memory box contains things that remind you both of your time together. It can provide an important link between you and your child once you've gone.
Macmillan Cancer Support has information about making a memory box

If a child has lost someone

Talk about the person who has died

During bereavement, it can help a child to talk about the person who's died, whether it was a grandparent, parent, brother, sister or friend.

Direct, honest and open communication is more helpful than trying to protect your child by hiding the truth. If you exclude them from family ceremonies and services after someone has died it could make them feel excluded.

This can also help your child be open about their own feelings and avoid confusion about what has happened. It may be helpful to talk as a family, perhaps with your child, about how to include them in any events that celebrate or say goodbye to the person who has died.

It's important for them to have someone with whom they can talk about that person and share their emotions. This could be through photos, games, memory boxes or stories.

Over time, children may start to talk more about their loss at different times and in different ways. Young children may start talking about death or including it in their play, but this is normal and is a way for them to make sense of what has happened.

Further support for your child

There are also bereavement charities that offer helplines, email support, and online communities and message boards for children.

These include:

Child Bereavement UK - call 0800 028 8840 Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, or email helpline@childbereavementuk.org

Cruse Bereavement Care - call 0808 808 1677 Monday and Friday, 9.30am to 5pm; Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 9.30am to 8pm; Saturday and Sunday 10am to 2pm

Grief Encounter - call 0808 802 0111 Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm, or email contact@griefencounter.org.uk

Hope Again - call 0808 808 1677 Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm, or email hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

Winston's Wish - call 0808 802 0021 Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm, or email ask@winstonswish.org

You can also find out more about children and bereavement from the Childhood Bereavement Network
Make a memory box

If the person who's died did not leave a memory box, you could make one with your child.

It can include:

gifts

shells collected on the beach

memories written on a card

anything that makes the child feel connected to that person

Don't forget to look after yourself

It's important to make sure you're also getting the support you need after a loss. This can also help you to better support your child.
Read more about getting help with grief after bereavement or loss

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Find out what to do and where to find bereavement support if your child has lost a loved one or has a loved one who's dying.

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Information and advice on supporting a bereaved child

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Supporting a bereaved child can be tough. At Winston’s Wish we provide information and guidance about our bereavement service, support for grief and loss.

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On this page, you'll find information to help you support your child or young person with grief and loss. We've also got advice about where you can find grief support services.

Get advice and updates directly to your inbox

Join our fight for children and young people's mental health. Sign up to the YoungMinds mailing list to receive our monthly e-newsletter, campaign updates, information about events and fundraising and other opportunities to get involved in our work.

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Guide Menu for Grief and loss

What is grief?

Losing someone we love and feel close to, or going through a bereavement, can be extremely painful. Grief is our natural response to this loss, and it is a process rather than an event.

Your child or young person, as well as you and other family members, may be grieving because:

someone in the family has died, like a parent, grandparent or sibling

their friend or someone at school has died

they have lost someone by suicide

someone they are close to has become ill

a pet has died or been lost

What does grief feel like?

Grief feels different to every individual child or young person. Our feelings around grief also change over time.

It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to feel whatever emotion we do, and to process it in our own way. It's a time for being kind and patient with ourselves.

You might sometimes hear people talk about the 'stages of grief' or the 'grief cycle'. These describe some of the common feelings that people who are grieving can experience.

What are the 'stages of grief'?

1. Denial - for example, feeling confused, numb or in shock.

2. Anger - this might be towards the person who has died, or with the world in general.

3. Bargaining - for example, going over things from the past, or feeling guilty or anxious.

4. Depression - this might feel like intense sadness or loneliness about living without the person.

5. Acceptance - this might be feeling more able to live with our grief, rather than feeling we have 'got over it'.

It's important to understand that not everyone experiences all these things, and that we do not move through these stages one-by-one.

We might move forwards or backwards between them, or experience them in any order. Or we might feel different emotions.

Your child or young person might also experience some of the physical signs of grief. These can include:

waves of crying, which can sometimes feel like they come out of the blue

feeling unwell or sick

eating more or less than before

being extremely tired

finding it difficult to get to sleep

finding it difficult to concentrate, including at school

It's helpful to remember that it is normal for your child or young person to feel and experience these things after a loss.

Tips for talking about grief and loss

If your child doesn't want to talk

If your child or young person feels uncomfortable about talking, you could try starting a conversation while doing an activity. This can help them to relax by making it feel less like a 'big chat'. Have a look at our activity suggestions to get some ideas.

It's also okay to give them some space, especially with older children and teenagers. Sometimes it helps to just sit together quietly, or to offer a hand squeeze or hug. Reassure them that it's okay to talk to someone else they trust too.

You can find more tips about talking in our guide.

Helping your child or young person to cope with grief

Supporting your child or young person with a sudden death

When someone they're close to dies suddenly or unexpectedly, children and young people are likely to feel extremely shocked. They may find it impossible to believe that it's happened, or feel numb and empty. They might find it difficult to talk, or to eat or drink. They may experience physical symptoms like tummy aches, headaches and being extremely tired. These reactions are a normal way of coping with huge shock.

In the days and weeks after a sudden death, the most important thing you can do is provide safety and support.

Grief and loss support services

There are lots of organisations who provide counselling and other types of support to families, children and young people after a bereavement.

Sometimes, the grieving process starts before someone dies. For example, when we know they are ill and they are going to die soon. This is sometimes called 'anticipatory grief'. In pre-bereavement counselling, your child or young person can talk through their feelings and worries. Some hospices and other organisations offer this service. Speak to the professionals supporting your family to see what's available.

In bereavement or grief counselling, your child or young person will have a space to talk. They can also start to process some of their feelings around what's happened. You may be able to access this service through:

Let your child or young person know about the grief support services that are available to them via phone, text or online chat. You can find a list of support services below.

Over the longer-term, a counsellor or therapist can listen, provide emotional support and help your child or young person to make sense of their feelings. They can also support them to find ways of coping. You can find out how your child or young person can access counselling and therapy in our guide for parents.

If you have wider concerns about your child's mental health, it's a good idea to speak to the GP about next steps. They can find out more about what's going on and refer your child for more specialist help.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a young person who is grieving can be a very emotional experience. Take time to look after yourself and top up your own batteries when you can. If you are also grieving, things may feel overwhelming at times. Allow space for your own grief too. Remember that it's okay to ask for help from family and friends when you need it.

If you need support with your own grief, or you're struggling to cope, it's really important that you get the help you need. This will make you more able to be there for your child. You can access counselling, helpline support and support groups via the grief services listed below.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Help us improve our content

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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A guide to supporting a child or young person with grief, bereavement or loss, including information about finding grief counselling and other help.

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Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But many kids struggle to understand the difference between angry feelings and aggressive behavior. Frustration and anger can quickly turn into defiance, disrespect, aggression, and temper tantrums when kids don't know how to deal with their emotions.

When left unchecked, childhood aggression such as fighting, arguing, yelling, spitting, and teasing can lead to additional issues. For instance, anger and aggression have been linked to academic problems, peer rejections, and poor mental health in adulthood. For kids who have trouble taming their tempers, use these five strategies to teach anger management skills.

How to Teach Your Child to Control Anger

Distinguish between emotions and actions

Model anger management skills

Set rules for handling anger

Teach healthy coping skills

Use consequences

Differentiate Between Feelings and Behavior

Teach kids to label their feelings, so they can verbalize feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment. Try saying, "It's OK to feel angry but it's not OK to hit." Help them see that they're in control of their actions when they feel angry.

Sometimes, aggressive behavior stems from a variety of uncomfortable feelings, like sadness or embarrassment. So, help your kids explore why they are feeling angry. Maybe they feel sad about a playdate being canceled, but they respond in anger because it's easier or it masks the hurt they're feeling.

Talking about feelings often and over time helps kids learn to recognize their feelings better.

Model Appropriate Anger Management Skills

The best way to teach children how to deal with anger is by showing them how you deal with your emotions when you feel angry. When kids watch you lose your temper, they'll likely do the same. But, if they see you cope with your feelings in a kinder, gentler way, they'll pick up on that, too.

Although it's important to shield your children from most adult problems, it's healthy to show them how you handle angry feelings. Point out times when you feel frustrated so your child understands that adults get mad sometimes too.

It's OK to say, "I'm angry that the car in front of us didn't stop to let those kids cross the street. But I'm going to stop so they can cross safely." Verbalizing your feelings will teach children to talk about their emotions.

Also, take responsibility for your behavior when you lose your cool in front of your kids. Apologize and discuss what you should have done instead. Say, "I am sorry that you had to see me yelling today when I was mad. I should have gone for a walk to cool off when I was angry instead of raising my voice."

Establish Anger Rules

Most families have unofficial family rules about what behavior is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to anger. Some families don't mind doors being slammed and voices being raised while other families have less tolerance for such behaviors. Create written household rules that outline your expectations.

Anger rules should center around behaving respectfully toward others.

Address areas such as physical aggression, name-calling, and destruction of property so that your children understand they can't throw things, break things, or lash out verbally or physically when they're mad.

Teach Healthy Coping Skills

Kids need to know appropriate ways to deal with their anger. Instead of being told, "Don't hit your brother," explain what they can do when they feel frustrated. Say, "Next time, use your words" or "Walk away from him when you feel angry."

You also can ask, "What could you do instead of hitting?" to help your child identify strategies that might be helpful. You also could create a calm down kit that can be used when they're upset.

Fill a box with items that can help them calm down, such as a coloring book and crayons, lotion that smells good, or soothing music. Engaging their senses can help calm their mind and body.

Use time-out as a tool to help your child calm down. Teach them that they can take a time-out before they get into trouble. Removing themselves from a situation and taking a few minutes to calm down can be really helpful for kids prone to anger.

Also, teach problem-solving skills so children learn to recognize that they can solve problems without resorting to aggression. Talk about ways to resolve conflict peacefully.

Offer Consequences When Necessary

Give your children positive consequences when they follow the anger rules and negative consequences when they break the rules. Positive consequences, such as a reward system or token economy system, can motivate a child to use anger management skills when they're upset.

Follow through with immediate consequences if your child becomes aggressive. Effective consequences may include time-outs, loss of privileges, or paying restitution by doing extra chores or loaning a toy to the target of their aggression.

A Word From Verywell

It's normal for kids to struggle to manage their anger at times. But, with your guidance, your child's skills should improve. When kids struggle to get their anger under control, or their anger problems seem to be getting worse, it's important to seek professional help. A trained professional can rule out any underlying mental health problems and can offer assistance in creating a behavior management plan.

Additional Reading

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How to Teach Kids Anger Management Skills

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Teaching a child anger management strategies helps reduce behavior problems like aggression and defiance. Learn how to teach kids these skills.

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Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don't go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It's normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it's helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn't fully develop until we're in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours - towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you're going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we've got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

When I'm angry I feel a lot of self-hate and worthlessness. I also feel a build-up of energy.

What is anger like for young people?

Three clouds expressing different emotions. The first cloud is throwing punches outwardly (Outward aggression). The second cloud is throwing punches towards itself (Inward aggression). The third cloud is displaying a dull-like expression while surrounded by lightning bolts (Passive aggression).

If your child can't tell you in words, they will often use their behaviour to let you know how they're feeling. A young person who is feeling angry may:

be outwardly aggressive - acting aggressively towards other people, including shouting, hitting or breaking things

be inwardly aggressive - hurting themselves, for example by self-harming, or being very self-critical

be passively aggressive - withdrawing, ignoring people, being sarcastic or sulking

feel things in their body like a racing heart, feeling hot or tensing their muscles - for example clenching their fists

seem tense, unable to relax or easily irritated

find it difficult to concentrate.

An iceberg submerged in water, with the text 'When we seem angry or aggressive, there are often other feelings hidden under the surface'. The words Angry and Aggressive are displayed on the section of the iceberg above the water, and the words Worried, Hurt, Scared, Lonely, Stressed, Overwhelmed, Ashamed, Ignored, Sad are displayed on the iceberg below the water.

Underneath these behaviours, a young person who seems very angry may also be feeling things like fear, stress, sadness, hurt or worry - or might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school, at home or in another part of their life that they feel unable to talk about.

It can be helpful to remember that a person who's feeling angry a lot of the time probably isn't feeling very happy - and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. Supporting children and young people to put their feelings into words can help them to feel less overwhelming, making it less likely that they will need to act out.

For some young people, feeling more irritable or angrier than usual can be a sign that they are struggling with low mood, depression or anxiety - especially if it goes on for a long period of time without changing.

A young person describes what anger's like for them.

How can I respond to my child in the moment when they get angry?

How can I help my child manage angry feelings positively?

In a calm moment, try to explore what's making them angry, focusing on letting them talk and listening to what it's like for them. Trust your instincts about picking the right moment, and remember that you know your child better than most people.

You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation with your child.

It might help to text, write a letter, go for a walk together or do an activity while you're talking to help them relax. You could also try spending five or ten minutes checking in with them each evening to encourage them to open up.

Recognising the triggers and patterns that alert them to the fact that they're getting angry can help them to take action before it becomes overwhelming. Keeping a diary or journal may make it easier for both of you to think this through - and apps such as ThinkNinja (for 10-18-year-olds) and HeadSpace can help them to track their feelings. This video by Braive might also help you to understand how stress and overwhelming feelings can build up in a person's life.

Some young people will find relaxing techniques useful. This could be things like:

meditating

listening to music

colouring or drawing

taking deep breaths or doing a breathing technique

Teenagers might like to do this using a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Often, people who are feeling angry breathe in more than they breathe out - so a good trick is to focus on breathing out for a few counts longer than they breath in, which can help their body to relax.

Some young people will find active techniques useful. This could be things like:

punching a pillow

throwing a ball

ripping or screwing up newspaper

playing sport

running or going for a walk

Young people tell us it helps to:

think of the bigger picture: will this bother me in a year?

try and say why you're angry, and remember that time alone to calm yourself down is okay.

take some time to think about how your actions are affecting others, and try to remember people are usually trying to help you.

apologise if you have harmed someone - and if you have hurt yourself, apologise to yourself.

figure out why you reacted like that so you can recognise it next time before it's too late.

tell someone if they've made you angry, or talk to someone else about it.

remind yourself that the emotion is valid.

Our Parents Helpline team share advice on how to respond to anger.

Where can I find professional help?

It's a good idea to seek professional advice if:

your child's anger is consistently affecting their day-to-day life, wellbeing, mental health, relationships or experience at home or school - or the day-to-day life of your family.

you've tried strategies for at least four weeks and nothing seems to work, or their outbursts of anger feel unmanageable and last for a long time.

they are expressing their anger through destructive behaviours towards themselves or others - including self-harm or physically hurting other people.

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Your GP, your child's school and considering whether counselling or therapy might help are good places to start.

Your GP can discuss your concerns with you and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sometimes, challenging or aggressive behaviour can be a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty, such as autism or difficulties hearing or speaking, which your child may need specialist help with. If you think this could be the case, speak to your GP or your child's school to discuss whether they need a referral for an assessment.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help for your child.

If your child becomes so angry that they are being verbally or physically aggressive and you feel unsafe, it's important that you reach out for help.

In these situations:

If it is safe for you and your child, remove yourself and any other family members from the situation.

If it's not safe to do so, and you feel that you or anyone else are at immediate risk of harm, warn your child that if the aggression does not stop you will contact the police.

Follow through if they do not stop. Call 999 if there is a danger to life or violence is being used or threatened. Call 101 if you want to discuss the situation with your local police officer.

Calling the police to intervene in a situation that involves your child is an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to have to do. However, this may be the only course of action if your safety, or the safety of other family members, is in question. You might feel worried about getting your child into trouble, but they won't automatically get a criminal record and it's important to put your safety first. The police can be supportive about responding to mental health issues and may be able to advise you about next steps.

Looking after yourself as a parent

As a parent or carer, we often put our children first, no matter how old they are - but it's so important that you remember to look after yourself too. If you have ever flown on a plane you may remember the flight attendant saying that in times of difficulty you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - and the same applies here.

If your child is acting out, remember that it can be because they see you as a safe person who they can express their feelings with, trusting that you will love them no matter what - and that it isn't necessarily about you.

Use the family and friends around you - whether it's for a catch-up or having someone to watch the kids so you can have a break.

These are some things that can help you take care of yourself:

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in April 2021. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with anger. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

If you need non-urgent information and advice about your child's mental health, you can use our Parents Helpline.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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If you need support to respond to your child's anger or aggression, read our tips on how to respond and where to seek further help.

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The different levels of anger - Mental and emotional wellbeing: Video playlist - BBC Bitesize

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A group of children recognise that they have different levels of anger.

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Explore expert support and advice for every parenting challenge. Whether in calm or chaos, we guide parents and carers through the ups and downs.

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"I don't really like anything wet. I don't like anything that smells, or it's got too much flavour and with too much colour. So, things that you're supposed to eat: your broccoli, your carrots, and things like that I really struggle with"
Milder flavours are less stimulating and so make it a more comfortable experience to eat. Christine has experienced this all her life but was around 8 or 9 when she began to avoid meals. She reduced her food intake so much that she was diagnosed with Anorexia as a teenager.

"But it was nothing to do with body image" , she says. "It's not that I don't like food, it's just that I'm very, very particular in what I eat."

This makes her more sympathetic to her children's own food aversions and she works towards varying their diets. She can also help them cope better in school.

Christine's children attend a mainstream school, and she works with them to ensure they feel calm and supported.
"If they're not comfortable in the canteen, I need somebody to provide a quiet area where they can eat. When I didn't eat at school, I ended up with an eating disorder."
The kids have had their own personal breakthroughs. "I'm really, really proud to say that they eat in the canteen with everybody else,"

There is advice about autism and eating on from the National Autistic Society.

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Christine McGuinness - How my autism can help me to help my kids

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As part of The BBC documentary Our Family and Autism - Christine McGuinness was diagnosed as autistic - just like her 3 kids. Here she talks about the challenges she's faced through her life and the positives since her diagnosis.

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An A-Z of LGBTQ+ language for speaking to your child

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Using the right language around LGBTQ+ can often feel like a minefield - here’s how you can learn from and listen to your child.

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We support LGBT+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and those questioning their sexual or gender identity) children, young people and their families in the UK.

All of our services strive to be safe and inclusive spaces for LGBT+ young people.

We provide direct support to LGBT+ children and young people around their gender and sexual identities. We also work with parents, carers and families.

Through our Positive Identities service we offer training to schools, professionals and community groups. Our training raises awareness of LGBT+ lives, promotes inclusion and tackles homophobic, biphobic and transphobic bullying.

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How we provide direct support to LGBT+ children and young people around their gender and sexual identities.

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The acronym ‘LGBTQI+’ refers to people that identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, and intersex. The + refers to an inclusive term for people who do not feel that they fit into traditional categories of sexuality or gender.

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A decent night's sleep will help children to learn more effectively and make them less susceptible to minor ailments,

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Anxiety is a word we use to describe feelings of worry, fear and panic. As well as these emotional feelings, people with anxiety might also experience physical (body) sensations such as a racing heart, breathing fast, sweaty hands, dry mouth and feeling shaky. Many people also have "what if" or negative thoughts when they are anxious.

Anxiety is a normal human response to feeling threatened or in danger, even if that threat or danger is a thought, image or memory. We all experience anxiety from time to time. Anxiety can become a real problem if the thoughts, emotions (feelings) and physical sensations are very strong, happen even when there is no real danger or if it lasts for a long time.

Lots of people experience worry and anxiety although for some people it can impact on everyday life and get in the way of school/college, socialising and even home life. The types of anxiety that are most common but cause a lot of distress include:

Worries about what other people think of you or worries about being judged negatively and not feeling good enough

Worries about bad things happening to you or the people you love and care about

Uncontrollable constant worry about lots of things (like school, the future, health, world events)

Worries about your safety and health (including worries about germs and contamination)

Phobias (big fears) about specific things

Worries that you are responsible for bad things happening

Feeling the need to complete certain routines, rituals or behaviour to stop bad things from happening (commonly known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

If anxiety has become a problem for you, there is lots you can do to manage and cope.

Check out the 'what to do' workbooks which young people and families can use and can be downloaded from this page. These provide information and practical strategies to help you manage. It's important to remember we can't get rid of anxiety (or any other emotion) but we can learn how to cope and manage with it.

Worries and anxiety are common; everyone worries so it's important to remember you are not alone. Some worries may seem very real and very scary. Tell someone how you are feeling no matter what your worries are, even if you are worried about doing so. There will be someone who will listen and try to support you.

Although anxiety feels horrible, remember these feelings will pass and the physical sensations cannot harm you. Remind yourself that you have been anxious before, that those feelings passed, that you coped and were ok. If you need to, use activities, such as watching TV, spending time with friends, reading, making things and listening to music, to help manage until you feel a bit better.

You cannot avoid all the things that make you feel anxious so face your FEARs with confidence following these four steps;

Focus - rather than worry about the past, future or the unknown, focus on the present moment, the here and now

Expose - the more you face your fears the easier it will become to manage

Approach - the fear of experiencing anxiety is often worse than the situation you are avoiding. Face your fear and see for yourself that the situation probably isn't as bad as you are predicting

Rehearse - practice anxiety management techniques.

You can find lots of these on the Youth Anxiety website.

Struggling with Anxiety? Try on a new perspective - credit AnxietyBC

What Not to Say to someone with Anxiety

Guided Mindfulness: Passing Clouds - Dr Natalie Roberts

Guided Mindfulness: Leaves on a Stream

Introduction to Mindfulness

Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness for Emotions

Mindfulness Values Exercise

Mindfulness Body Scan

Struggling with Anxiety? Try on a new perspective - credit AnxietyBC

What Not to Say to someone with Anxiety

Guided Mindfulness: Passing Clouds - Dr Natalie Roberts

Guided Mindfulness: Leaves on a Stream

Introduction to Mindfulness

Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness for Emotions

Mindfulness Values Exercise

Mindfulness Body Scan

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Are you or your child struggling with anxious thoughts? Psychologist Dr Anna Colton explains seven quick, easy and simple techniques that you can try at home, with your child or by yourself, to manage these thoughts and tackle day-to-day anxiety.

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How to tackle anxiety with Dr Anna Colton

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Are you or your child struggling with anxious thoughts? Psychologist Dr Anna Colton explains seven quick, easy and simple techniques that you can try at home, with your child or by yourself, to manage these thoughts and tackle day-to-day anxiety.

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An eating disorder is a serious mental illness that involves a person developing thoughts, feelings and eating behaviour which can take over a person's life and make them very unwell. Eating disorders can involve eating too much or too little and becoming really unhappy, worried and preoccupied with things such as weight and shape. It's important to remember that lots of people worry about what they look like and from time to time and might be unhappy with their weight or shape, but for someone with an eating disorder these thoughts and feelings can have a serious impact on their life. It can impact on physical health, education and general daily living, such as hanging out with friends, spending time with family, going out and taking part in activities.

There is no one cause of an eating disorder. Young people who develop eating difficulties and disorders often tell us that eating or not eating can be a way of coping with feelings of sadness, worry and stress. Sometimes life stressors such as exams, bullying, friendship or family relationship difficulties and bereavement or loss may play a part in how someone copes or feels about themselves. There are also some personal factors such as having low self-esteem, experiencing anxiety or depression, setting high standards and being perfectionistic and identifying as LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transsexual) are sometimes associated with people who develop eating disorders. However, experiencing any one of these things does not necessarily mean that someone will develop an eating disorder or difficulty.

There are many different types of eating disorders and all of them are serious. All eating disorders are treatable and a full recovery is possible. It is important to notice that you might be having a difficulty and ask for help and advice as soon as possible.

Here are some signs that there might be a problem and it's time to get help;

Constant thinking or worrying about food, calories, weight gain or your shape. You might notice that it is hard to concentrate on other things.

Reducing your food in order to lose weight and setting yourself strict rules about what you can or cannot eat.

Trying to do other things to lose weight, such as lots of exercise, vomiting taking laxatives (medication to help you go to the toilet) or slimming pills.

You might become tired and more emotional (tearful, irritable).

If you're a girl, your periods might stop.

Other people might start noticing and commenting that they are worried about you

Not everyone who has an eating disorder will experience all the signs and symptoms. Also, if you are experiencing some of these signs and symptoms this does necessarily mean that you have an eating disorder, but it is important to get help and advice.

There are a number of downloadable workbooks and self-help materials you might find useful.

* What's eating you? A Workbook for Teens with Anorexia, Bulimia, and Other Eating Disorders by Tammy Nelson

* Getting Over Overeating for Teens: A Workbook to Transform Your Relationship with Food Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Intuitive Eating by Andrea Watcher

* Body Image Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help Girls Develop a Healthy Body Image in an Image-Obsessed World by Julia Taylor

* Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Build Confidence and Achieve Your Goals by Lisa Scab

Skills Based Learning for Caring for a loved one with an eating disorder; The New Maudsley Method by Janet Treasure, Grainne Smith and Anna Crane

Anorexia and other eating disorders; how to help your child eat well and be well by Eva Musby

Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children (including those with Autism Spectrum Conditions); A practical guide for parents and professionals

Self-Harm and Eating Disorders in Schools; A guide to whole school strategies and practical support by Pooky Knightsmit

CAMHS Eating Difficulties and Disorders Referral Guidance
What we do, what we don't do and what you can do if you are worried about your child
Many young people go through phases of dieting and not eating enough. Sometimes this can tip into developing an eating disorder. Here's a guide to help you know how best to support your young person if they are experiencing eating difficulties. This is not an exhaustive list; young people may experience symptoms which may not be included on this guide.

Green

Coping/ needs for support; These are experiences that most young people will have from time to time
Type and nature of distress
It is common for children and young people to experience eating difficulties during childhood and adolescence. These tend to be short term, have no impact on physical health or daily functioning (e.g., going to school, seeing friends, taking part in hobbies or activities) and can be managed with clear boundaries combined with the love and support of parents/ carers.
What you might see or a young person might report

Faddy or fussy eating; only eating a limited repertoire of foods (certain colours, textures, temperatures)

Wanting to or trying to diet by 'eating healthily' or following food movements such as the 'clean eating', 'raw food', 'vegan'

Taking a more active interest in food, meal preparation, e.g. checking food labels or packaging

Taking a more active interest in fitness/ health or wellbeing

Increase in activity/ exercise

Talk about body dissatisfaction/ worrying about appearance

Comparing themselves to other people

Feeling anxious about eating in public/ in front of others

Young people with Type 1 diabetes may become more inconsistent with insulin and diabetes less well managed (this should be checked with a medical team as a matter of priority)

No longer eating foods they previously enjoyed

Things to try, support and next steps

Important that all young people eat regularly so insisting upon breakfast, lunch and dinner plus snacks

Encourage balanced life style; need all food groups (carbohydrates, protein, fats, vegetables and fruits, dairy/ dairy alternatives ) plus it's ok to have snacks and treats

Ensure young people are well hydrated; aim for 6-8 glasses per day (water, milk) and large quantities of avoid sugary drinks

Be active with your young person so that you can monitor and ensure they are exercising in a way that is appropriate

If you are concerned about your child's eating:

See your GP (ask for physical health observations to be done- height, weight, blood pressure, pulse)

Inform your child's school to share concerns and ask if they have noticed any other concerns

Monitor and restrict use of apps/ gadgets that track exercise and food e.g., My Fitness Pal and Fitbit watches

Encourage team sports and activities rather than solitary activities such as sport. Ensure food and fluids are had before and after exercise.

Monitor use of social media and ensure only positive accounts are being followed/ accessed

Discourage talking about body concerns, weight or food/ eating habits with others

Useful resources:

For fussy/ faddy eating : Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children; A Practical Guide for Parents and Professionals

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Lisa Schab

Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly

Banish Your Body-Image Thief by Kate Collins- Donnelly

Beat (eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Amber

Needs for help; These are challenges that some young people experience and may need some support with
Type and nature of distress
The degree to which a young person experiences eating difficulties may cause the young person distress or might have some mild impact on their ability to cope with everyday life such as going to or coping at school, seeing friends or taking part in leisure activities. The family may also be experiencing a degree of stress characterised by more arguments or disagreements around food/ mealtimes, exercise levels/known or suspected vomiting. Other people may be commenting or noticing there is a difficulty or noticing change in weight. These difficulties may have been going on for a few weeks.
What you might see or a young person might report

A committed and persistent effort to lose weight or control weight or shape through:

Dieting/ restricting food intake

Exercising/ increased activity

Purging (self-induced vomiting)

Taking laxatives

Or

Eating excessive amounts/ bingeing/ constantly seeking food; gaining weight

Experiencing upset or distress/ feeling of guilt or shame after eating

Dissatisfaction about body image

More emotionally labile/ more sensitive (upset, irritable, withdrawn) especially when boundaries are put in around food or exercise

More argumentative (especially around food or mealtimes)

More controlling or rigid around food/ mealtimes and other areas of life

Preoccupied/ overly concerned/ interested by food (e.g., counting calories)

May show some signs of physical compromise e.g., gradual weight loss, tired/ lethargic, difficulties concentrating, not seeming usual self, feeling cold

Other areas of life might be a struggle e.g., academic work, friendships, engaging in family life

Things to try, support and next steps

Seek advice and consultation from our Specialist Eating Disorder Team: 03003040062 or email: HANTSCAMHSEDT@nhs.net

Important that all young people eat regularly so insisting upon breakfast, lunch and dinner plus snacks

Encourage balanced life style; need all food groups (carbohydrates, protein, vegetables and fruits, dairy/ dairy alternatives ) plus it's ok to have snacks

Ensure young people are well hydrated; aim for 6-8 glasses per day (water, milk, avoid sugary drinks)

Support during mealtimes

Support your young person to access self-help resources including:

YP section- eating difficulties, anxiety, depression (see downloads)

Podcasts and Videos Section on our website

Watch our parent/ carer workshop on:

How to support a young person with an eating difficulty here: https://youtu.be/-ApfAzKOy60

How to support a young person with anxiety: https://youtu.be/LMFQHABnH1M

How to support a young person with depression/ in crisis/ who engages in self-harm: https://youtu.be/qBAZQVjSmQU

Share concerns with your child's school/ college

See your child's GP; ask for physical observations to be taken (including; height, weight, temperature, blood pressure, pulse and request a blood test)

Inform and access pastoral support from school

Monitor and restrict use of apps or gadgets that track exercise and food e.g., My Fitness Pal and Fitbit watches

Monitor use of social media and ensure only positive accounts are being followed/ accessed

Other Useful resources:

For fussy/ faddy eating : Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children; A Practical Guide for Parents and Professionals

What's Eating you? A Workbook for Teens with Eating Disorders by Tammy Nelson

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Lisa Schab

Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly

Banish Your Body-Image Thief by Kate Collins- Donnelly

Beat (eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Red

Needs Specialist Treatment or a Crisis Response; These are difficulties that cause a significant impact and a young person may need specialist support.
Type and nature of distress
The degree to which a young person experiences eating difficulties may cause the young person distress or might have an impact on their ability to cope with everyday life such as going to or coping at school, seeing friends or taking part in leisure activities. The family may also be experiencing a degree of stress characterised by; more arguments or disagreements around food/ mealtimes or exercise levels/known or suspected vomiting. Other people may be commenting or noticing there is a difficulty or noticing change in weight.

The difficulties may have had a sudden onset at a significant level of concern or may have been deteriorating gradually over a long period of time.
What you might see or a young person might report Emergency symptoms - seek immediate medical advice

Sudden or rapid weight loss

Fainting/ collapse

Drowsiness

Refusing food or drink for more than 24 hours

Chest pains

Concerns about daily vomiting

Significant restriction of food (and fluid) leading to rapid weight loss. This is a concern for both young people that lose weight and become underweight as well as young people who perhaps are overweight then lose weight and appear a healthy weight. It is the speed of weight loss not necessarily just their weight that is a concern.

Young person may avoid eating; excuses such as 'have already eaten', 'not hungry', 'don't feel well'

Distress prior to, during or after meals. You might notice your young person may want to prepare their own food or eat alone

Preoccupation with food/ eating/ weight or shape or having rituals around eating/ preparing food such as weighing food, eating with certain crockery/ cutlery

Unusual eating behaviour such as unusual combinations of food or cutting up food into very small pieces/ eating very slowly

Hiding or throwing food away

Weight control behaviour including; exercise/ increased activity, laxative/ diuretic misuse, self-induced vomiting

Young people with Type 1 diabetes may become more inconsistent with insulin and diabetes less well managed

Reluctance, avoidance or secrecy of the young person to talk about eating; lack of recognition of concern that others may have or minimising the extent of difficulties

More withdrawn/ lethargic or tired

Feeling physical unwell; dizzy, light-headed, chest pains, fainting, stomach pains, constipation, coldness

Symptoms of vomiting including bad breath and swollen or puffy face; poor dental health

More emotionally labile/ more sensitive (upset, irritable, withdrawn) especially when boundaries are put in around food or exercise

More argumentative (especially around food or mealtimes), may become aggressive and violent#

May hide under baggy clothing

Either becomes preoccupied by checking themselves in the mirror and weighing or avoids mirrors altogether

Frequent trips to the bathroom especially after meals

For girls: periods stop (they make stop asking for feminine hygiene products)

Things to try, support and next steps
Seek advice and consultation from our Specialist Eating Disorders Team: 03003040062 or email: SPNT.HANTSCAMHSEDT@nhs.net

Share concerns with your child's school/ college

See your child's GP; ask for physical observations to be taken (including; height, weight, temperature, blood pressure, pulse and request a blood test)

Important that all young people eat regularly so insisting upon breakfast, lunch and dinner plus snacks. Support and supervise meals and snacks. If a young person has severely restricted their food and fluid, you must seek advice from a medical professional about restarting eating and drinking as this needs to be done with careful monitoring of physical health.

Encourage balanced life style; need all food groups (carbohydrates, protein, vegetables and fruits, dairy/ dairy alternatives ) plus it's ok to have snacks

Ensure young people are well hydrated; aim for 6-8 glasses per day (water, milk, avoid sugary drinks)

Support your young person to access self-help resources including:

YP section- eating difficulties, anxiety, depression (see downloads)

Podcasts and Videos Section on our website

Watch our parent/ carer workshop on:

how to support a young person with an eating difficulty here: TO BE ADDED

how to support a young person with anxiety: TO BE ADDED

how to support a young person with depression: TO BE ADDED

Inform and access pastoral support from school

Monitor and restrict use of apps/ gadgets that track exercise and food e.g., My Fitness Pal or Fitbit watches

Monitor use of social media and ensure only positive accounts are being followed/ accessed

Other Useful resources:

For fussy/ faddy eating : Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children; A Practical Guide for Parents and Professionals

Skills based Learning for caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder by Janet Treasure, Grainne Smith and Anna Crane

Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders; How to help Your Child Eat Well and Be Well by Eva Musby

When your teen has an eating disorder by Lauren Muheim

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Lisa Schab

Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly

Banish Your Body-Image Thief by Kate Collins- Donnelly

Beat (eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Practical tips for families caring for a child with an eating disorder

What are eating disorders and their impact on the body

The treatment approach for an eating disorder

How eating disorders impact family life and what causes them

What is an eating disorder?

Meet the team at Hampshire Specialist Eating Disorder Service

Hampshire CAMHS - boosting body image and self-esteem

Hampshire CAMHS - how to support a young person with an eating difficulty

Beat eating disorders: Sufferers - credit Beat

Is there a link between social media and eating difficulties?

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 1

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 2

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 3

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 4

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 5

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 6

Practical tips for families caring for a child with an eating disorder

What are eating disorders and their impact on the body

The treatment approach for an eating disorder

How eating disorders impact family life and what causes them

What is an eating disorder?

Meet the team at Hampshire Specialist Eating Disorder Service

Hampshire CAMHS - boosting body image and self-esteem

Hampshire CAMHS - how to support a young person with an eating difficulty

Beat eating disorders: Sufferers - credit Beat

Is there a link between social media and eating difficulties?

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 1

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 2

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 3

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 4

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 5

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 6

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An eating disorder is a serious mental illness that involves a person developing thoughts, feelings and eating behaviour which can take over a person's life and make them very unwell. Eating disorders can involve eating too much or too little and becoming really unhappy, worried and preoccupied with things such as weight and shape.

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If your child has been diagnosed with an eating disorder, here's what you can do to help.

Talk to them about it

If your child becomes withdrawn, touchy or moody, it might make it difficult to talk to them. It may be even more difficult if they cannot accept they have a problem.

But talking about their condition is needed for their recovery, so keep trying.

They might come across as angry, even if they're really feeling scared or insecure.

It might be difficult for them to talk about their feelings, so be patient and listen to what they're trying to say.

It can help if you:

stay calm and prepare what you're going to say to them - do not blame or judge them, just focus on how they're feeling

avoid talking about their appearance, even if you're trying to say something nice

try to use sentences starting with "I", like, "I'm worried because you do not seem happy", rather than sentences beginning with "you"

avoid discussing people's diets or weight problems

try not to feel hurt if they do not open up straight away

do not be upset if they are being secretive, because this is part of their illness, not their relationship with you

Get advice on how to talk to your teenager

Try these mealtime tips

Mealtimes can be particularly difficult. You may find the following advice helpful:

if your child is in treatment, ask their treatment team for advice on how to cope with mealtimes

try to make meal plans with your child that you both agree to

agree with the family that none of you will talk about portion sizes, calories or anything else about the meal

avoid eating low-calorie or diet foods in front of them or having them in the house

try to keep things lighthearted and positive throughout the meal, even if you do not feel that way on the inside

if your child tries to get too involved in cooking the meal as a way of controlling it, gently ask them to set the table or wash up instead

try not to focus too much on them during mealtimes - enjoy your own meal and try to make conversation

a family activity after the meal, such as a game or watching TV, can help distract them from wanting to purge or overexercise

do not worry if a meal goes badly, and just move on

Support for your child

If your child is being treated for an eating disorder, their treatment team will play a big part in their recovery.

But do not underestimate the importance of your love and support.

It may help to:

learn as much as possible about eating disorders, so you understand what you're dealing with

keep telling them that you love them and will always be there for them

make them aware of the professional help available

suggest activities they could do that do not involve food, such as hobbies and spending time with friends

ask them what you can do to help

try to be honest about your own feelings, as this will encourage them to do the same

be a good role model by eating a balanced diet and doing a healthy amount of exercise

try to build their confidence, for example, praise them for being thoughtful or congratulate them on something they've done

Get support for yourself

Ask a GP or a health professional in your child's treatment team for advice on how to help at home.

It's important the whole family understands the situation and has support.

The following organisations offer advice online:

You can also ask your GP about support groups for parents caring for someone with an eating disorder.
Find services for people with eating disorders

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Find out what you can do to help if your child has been diagnosed with an eating disorder.

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Coram Family Lives provides targeted early intervention and crisis support to families. If you need to talk, we’re here to listen

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Who's in Charge? Facilitator Training

The training runs over three days and will cover the following aspects of the WIC? programme.

Who should attend?

This training is aimed primarily at those intending to facilitate the Who's in Charge? group programme, although it has practical application to those working working 1:1 and with parents generally. Practitioners who have attended training come from a broad range of agencies, both statutory, voluntary and private sector including: youth offending, domestic abuse agencies, social workers children & young people's practitioners, psychologists, therapists, third sector agencies, schools, youth workers, parenting practitioners, early help teams, SENCO's, service managers, mental health workers, school nurses, troubled families, family carers and family group conference co-ordinators.

What does the training involve?

Pre-training information

Prior to attendance at the WIC? training participants will be sent a programme rationale with notes. It is expected that participants will have spent two hours minimum reading this document prior to attending the WIC? training.

The 3 day training is largely experiential, based around the exercises and discussions of a Who's in Charge? group programme. Practitioners will have the opportunity to explore the programme in full, discuss the referral process, and setting up the programme.

Day One

An insight into understanding the context of child to parent violence and experiential journey through programme weeks 1 - 2, beginning with uncovering family patterns and encouraging parents to identify goals for change; what are the causes or influences of child to parent violence and abuse, understanding the difference between entitlement versus responsibility and exploring what influence parents have over their children.

Day Two

Experiential exploration of Weeks 3 - 6 including looking at abuse, parental influence & control and power over their children and equally how do children have influence, power and control over their parents. We move at this point from the therapeutic element of the programme towards the second part, the knowledge base and applying consequences to children who are uncooperative (sometimes in the extreme) and who may not appear to care very much about anything. Focus on the anger held by all family members involved.

Day Three

Weeks 7 - 9 includes supporting parents to be assertive in the face of CPVA and make changes and continuing to restore a positive relationship with their children, exploration of the ethos, philosophy and rationale of the WIC? programme, a group assessment via a multiple-choice questionnaire and a short group presentation, supporting practitioners to facilitate the Who's in Charge? programme with confidence in their own settings and encouraging facilitators to continue the parents journey through future goal setting and programme evaluation and data collection.

Finally on completion

On successful completion of the three-day facilitator training participants will be eligible to run the Who's in Charge? programme and will have access to a Private Area on the Who's in Charge? website. Here they can download all the materials needed to run the nine week programme. There are no further license fees, enabling practitioners to run programmes immediately. It is expected that where possible newly trained facilitators take the opportunity to co-facilitate with an experienced WIC? facilitator prior to leading their own group.

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Whos In Charge - Working with : Child to Parent Violence & Abuse

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The training runs over three days and will cover the following aspects of the WIC? programme. This training is aimed primarily at those intending to facilitate the Who's in Charge? group programme, although it has practical application to those working working 1:1 and with parents generally.

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Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It can tell children when things are not fair or right.
But anger can become a problem if a child's angry behaviour becomes out of control or aggressive.

Why is your child so angry?

There are lots of reasons why your child may seem more angry than other children, including:

seeing other family members arguing or being angry with each other

friendship problems

being bullied - Anti-Bullying Alliance has information on bullying

struggling with schoolwork or exams

feeling very stressed, anxious or fearful about something

coping with hormone changes during puberty

It may not be obvious to you or your child why they're feeling angry. If that's the case, it's important to help them work out what might be causing their anger.

Read talking to your child about feelings.

Tackle anger together

Team up with your child to help them deal with their anger. This way, you let your child know that the anger is the problem, not them.

With younger children, this can be fun and creative. Give anger a name and try drawing it - for example, anger can be a volcano that eventually explodes.

How you respond to anger can influence how your child responds to anger. Making it something you tackle together can help you both.

Help your child spot the signs of anger

Being able to spot the signs of anger early can help your child make more positive decisions about how to handle it.

Talk about what your child feels when they start to get angry. For example, they may notice that:

their heart beats faster

their muscles tense

they clench their teeth

they make a fist

their stomach churns

Anger tips for your child

Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. Talk about helpful strategies for managing anger.

You could encourage your child to:

count to 10

walk away from the situation

breathe slowly and deeply

clench and unclench their fists to ease tension

talk to a trusted person

go to a private place to calm down

If you see the early signs of anger in your child, say so. This gives them the chance to try their strategies.

Encourage regular active play and exercise

Staying active can be a way to reduce or stop feelings of anger. It can also be a way to improve feelings of stress, anxiety or depression.

For older children or young people, this could be simple activities, such as:

a short walk

jogging or running

cycling

Read more about physical activity for children and young people.

Be positive

Positive feedback is important. Praise your child's efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small.

This will build your child's confidence in their ability to manage their anger. It will also help them feel that you're both learning together.

When to get help for anger in children

If you're concerned your child's anger is harmful to them or people around them, you could talk to a:

If necessary, a GP may refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health services for specialist help.

CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their emotional or behavioural wellbeing.

You may also be able to refer your child yourself without seeing a GP.

Read more about where to get mental health support.

Further help and support for anger in children

For more support with anger in children, you could phone the YoungMinds parents' helpline free on 0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday).

Other sources of help and support include:

If you have older children, find out more about talking to teenagers and coping with your teenager.
The Health for Teens website also has more about anger management

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Advice on how to help your child deal with anger in a positive way.

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Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them, and rely on adults to provide them with the support they need in their grief.
Further guidance that may be helpful:
How might bereaved children react and what may help?

Children and young people have a limited ability to put feelings and thoughts into words and tend to show feelings with behaviours rather than words. Reactions will vary greatly as children absorb and process information in different ways at different ages.

The following reactions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines.

Picking up on tension and distress

Children pick up on tension, distress or anxiety in adults, and may mirror this in their own behaviour. Even babies sense that something important is missing, and may cry more than usual. Children of all ages may be clingy or unsettled.

Appearing not to react

Children under 6 years old do not understand that death is permanent. Children cannot handle strong emotions for long periods, and may jump quickly in and out of grief ('puddle jumping'). When told that someone important has died, some children may look blank and ask 'can I play' or 'what's for tea?' They may have heard, but they are not able to process what that means yet. They may react later with sudden crying, outbursts, changes in behaviour or asking questions.

Asking questions and exploring what death means

Children may ask repeatedly: "When's Nanny coming back?" or "Where has she gone?" even though they've been told clearly what has happened. They may hunt everywhere for a 'lost' person, and so a clear explanation of what 'died' means may help. Children may play games where the person dies, or is still alive. They may seem fascinated with death, play-act about death or ask repeatedly about it. All of these are ways that children show that they are processing their understanding of what has happened.

Feeling anxious or insecure

When someone dies, a child's sense of safety is rocked. They may not want to leave you, and may cling to you or follow you everywhere. They may behave as if they are younger: being very quiet or tearful, having temper flare-ups, sucking their thumb, being reluctant to do things they used to do with confidence, or wetting the bed.

Try to keep to normal routines which will help them feel safe, and keep them informed about plans for the days ahead. Tell them who will take them to school or activities. If you need to leave them, tell them when you will be home, or who will be looking after them.
Include them in simple decision-making that affects them. If the person who died was ill, address any fears about the illness (for example that it is not catching), and reassure them that you are not ill and not leaving them.

Anger

Anger and other strong emotions are natural reactions to sad or shocking news, and some children and young people may not be able to understand or manage their own feelings. They may feel angry at the person who died, at family, at themselves or at the world in general.

It can help to tell them it is understandable for them to be angry, as long as they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. Safe ways to release anger include hitting cushions, vigorous physical exercise, messy painting sessions, or going outside to shout very loudly.

Another idea is a 'safe zone' where they can go to calm down. This could be a quiet corner with familiar items that help them to feel safe.

Looking after adults or feeling responsible

As children realise that death is permanent, they also become aware that it happens to other people including themselves. They may be protective and try to look after their important adults and siblings. They may feel that they were somehow responsible for the death.

Primary aged children may show 'magical thinking' where they think 'if I do this, Dad will come back'. They may behave very well to compensate for what's happened, or be less well-behaved because they feel angry or guilty.

Denying what has happened or taking risks

Bereavement can be overwhelming, and can bring huge changes, alongside other challenges that young people face as they grow up. They may want to forget or deny the death or how strongly they feel. They may feel 'what's the point?' with school or social activities. Some young people may be impulsive or take risks, in an attempt to get back some control in a life that for them currently feels very out of control.

What helps grieving children and young people

Every child is unique and will cope with the death of someone important in their own way. There is no magic formula but things that help include:

Clear, honest and age-appropriate information

Reassurance that they are not to blame and that different feelings are OK

Normal routines and a clear demonstration that important adults are there for them

Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories

Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way

Further information

More about how children and young people grieve, and what helps:

Finding support

For many bereaved children and young people, they may get all the support they need from those already around them that they know and trust. However, some children and young people may need additional support depending on their situation.

Latest

Most read

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Short films delivered by our support practitioners giving guidance on a range of bereavement topics. Read more

A list of books and resources relating to grief and bereavement and what may help. Read more

Watch short films and read experiences of bereaved families and how support has helped them. Read more

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charity bereavement child death grief loss baby stillbirth miscarriage suicide young people

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Supporting bereaved children and young people

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Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.

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Children, young people and grief - Cruse Bereavement Support

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Children & young people experience the same sorts of feelings as adults when someone dies. But they may express them differently.

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Body image is the term used to describe the way that we see ourselves. It's how we think and feel about our appearance, and the relationship we have with our bodies. Most people from time to time feel unsure, or lack confidence in their image and appearance, such as having thoughts about wanting to be a bit taller, or worrying about what our hair or skin might look like. For a lot of people, they worry about the size and shape of their body. Boys and girls can worry about their body image and appearance, and these worries can have a really big impact on daily life.
What it might look like feel like if someone is struggling with poor body image:

Talking about body dissatisfaction/ worrying about appearance

Comparing themselves to other people

Spending excessive time getting ready; making them late for, or missing commitments

Preoccupation with weight and shape; weighing self regularly

Body checking behaviour, eg, pinching self and checking reflection in the mirror regularly

Wanting to, or trying to diet by 'eating healthily' or following food movements such as the 'clean eating', 'raw food' or wanting to become vegetarian or vegan without clear reason

Increase in activity/exercise with a purpose of changing their size and shape

Engaging in weight altering/ compensatory behaviour such as taking laxatives or diuretics, self-induced vomiting, use of weight loss/gain aids, use of steroids

Feeling anxious about being seen in front of others and eating in public/in front of others

May struggle to identify positive qualities or characteristics in themselves

May struggle to make friends or struggle at school

May refuse or find excuses to engage in PE lessons

Things that might help someone who experiences poor body image:

Remind your young person that they are more than the way they look

Notice, comment, encourage: individuality, personality, characteristics, morals, values, ethics, behaviour, skills, effort, passion, goals, ambition, friendships, hobbies, and interests

Keep your young person focused on how they feel, not how they look

Remember: your words have power; be aware of throwaway comments

Role model being kind to yourself

Lead by example; no diet/body shaming chat/ take a non-judgemental stance towards others

Set and work towards your own self-care goals

Practice safe-social; Limit their use of social media; Encourage them to think carefully about what they share online especially on social networks; review their internet usage

Encourage acceptance, kindness and compassion towards others and themselves

Watch a parent/carer workshop on how to boost body image and self-esteem (below)

Watch a parent/carer workshop on coping and resilience skills (below)

Watch a parent/carer workshop on how to support anxiety (below)

Watch a parent/ carer workshop on Getting good sleep (below)

Watch a video on Teenage Turmoil (understanding why being a teenager is so difficult) (below)

There is more information on the Dove Self-Esteem Project website for parents and carers here

Use coping techniques and strategies (see videos below)

Share concerns with your child's school/college and identify whether additional pastoral support is available

Seek advice, guidance and support from Young Minds Parent Helpline: 08088025544

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Body image is the term used to describe the way that we see ourselves. It's how we think and feel about our appearance, and the relationship we have with our bodies. Most people from time to time feel unsure, or lack confidence in their image and appearance, such as having thoughts about wanting to be a bit taller, or worrying about what our hair or skin might look like.

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There’s no quick fix to low self-esteem; but there are the five ways to gradually improve it.

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Media Smart - Resources for parents and guardians

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This guide is designed to provide an engaging introduction to body image and advertising, outlining how parents and guardians can play a key role in supporting young people to develop positive body image. This resource will contain information, advice and activities to help adults give young people a strong sense of their own worth and identity.

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Support for Parents from Action For Children

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Body image in children and teenagers - advice for parents

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If your child is worrying about the way they look’, they might have poor body image. This can chip away at their self-esteem.

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What is body image?

Body image is how we think and feel about ourselves physically, and how we believe others see us.

When we talk about body image, there are lots of ways we can think about our body and the way we look. You might find that there are times when you like your body, or parts of your body, and times when you struggle with how you look.

Instagram artwork by @allbodiesart. On top of a light green square it reads in capitals: 'My body is good', with a list in lower case describing how your body is good regardless of your doubts.

Body image is not just about our weight, it can also be things like:

comparing how you look with friends or people you follow on social media

struggling to love and accept your body

feeling as though your body shape is not represented in the media

hiding your body because you feel ashamed by it

struggling to find clothes for your body, particularly if you have a physical disability

feeling misunderstood about your body when people make assumptions about things like why you might need a wheelchair

feeling like you are not attractive enough

birthmarks, surgery scars or acne affecting how you feel about how you look

feeling as though your body does not match your gender. For information on this, have a look at our page on gender and mental health

Artwork credit: @jen.s. The artwork depicts text in red, yellow, green and blue which reads: 'we are all born beautiful'. The word 'beautiful' has lines around it to emphasise the word.

These thoughts about how we look are often influenced by things going on around us. It can be what we see every day on social media, what the characters we see on TV look like, or seeing adverts about 'improving how you look'. All of this can contribute to how we feel about our body.

Other influences might be:

the media promoting one type of body as 'fit and healthy' with little to no representation of different bodies

comments from friends or family about your body

social media promoting what should be the 'perfect body' image

clothes limited to fit certain body types

adverts, health campaigns or lessons at school on what is a ' healthy body'

If you feel that you are comparing your body with things you see every day, you are not alone. Lots of us are influenced by the things around us, which can impact our mental health.

The world is full of a spectrum of shapes and sizes. And we should all be represented in the media because unless we see this, it's almost like it doesn't exist.

Jada Sezer, YoungMinds ambassador

How can body image affect my mental health?

Text on a yellow background with the words 'struggle' and 'body image' highlighted in blue, the whole text reads: 'Men struggle with body image too'.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings about how you look, you might be struggling with your body image. You may find everyday tasks like eating, getting dressed or going out with friends becoming more difficult.

This can be at any point in your life or continuously throughout your life, but it is common to have these thoughts when you are going through puberty. During puberty, your body releases hormones which makes you more aware of how you look, and more aware of other people's bodies. These changes happen to everyone, and can sometimes make you feel out of control or anxious.

It can lead to feelings of:

Body dysmorphic disorder is when you constantly worry about flaws in your appearance, focus on specific areas of your body and compare yourself a lot to others.

Sometimes when you're struggling with your body image, you might change your eating habits as this can make you feel like you are in more control of how you look. This can be things like changing what you eat, how much and how often you are eating. If you are finding that your eating habits or relationship with food is taking over your life, you might be struggling with an eating problem.

We all worry about how we look at times during our lives and that's completely normal. If you are experiencing any of the above, know that there are people who can help you get through this. Things can get better.

Show/hide caption

Instagram artwork by @teabag.cartoon. There are cartoon people of all different shapes, sizes and colours holding hands and standing next to each other. Text above them reads, 'we need to learn to respect every body.'

It is completely normal to feel insecure about your body, and the majority of us will experience this at some point in our lives.

What to do if you're worried about how you look

It's important to remember that there isn't a single type of beauty - everyone sees it differently. And there simply isn't a right or a wrong way to look. But if you're struggling, here are some things you can do:

Our Activists share their experiences

If you feel unable to cope, or particularly worried about one part of your body, talk to your GP about how you're feeling. They can listen, tell you about local services and support groups, or they may suggest specific treatment for the way you're feeling.

Growing up, I was bullied a lot. I always stood out from the crowd and I hated that element about myself because I thought that if no one could accept and love me for who I am, then I couldn't either.

I hated the way I looked. I hated everything about myself, and because of this, I know exactly what it's like to hate the body you were born in. And this was the darkest time of my life.

Body positivity

Body positivity is a movement to accept all bodies no matter what type, shape or size. It promotes seeing different bodies on things like social media to encourage us to accept our body and the way we look. If you are struggling with your body image, body positivity can help you feel better about yourself. By thinking positively about how you look, you can feel more comfortable and confident.

Changing the way we think about our body and how we look can take time. It can feel difficult on some days more than others. That's okay. Accepting your body is a process. Our Activists share how a positive body image can help you feel better about yourself:

How you can support a friend struggling with body image

A hand-drawn person in a blue top and blue trousers stands in front of a mirror smiling. To the right of the person there are four speech bubbles. They read: 'thank you eyes for helping me see, thank you lips for helping me talk, thank you hips for helping me move, thank you legs for helping me walk.'

If you have a friend or family member who is struggling with their body image, here are some ways that your support can help.

Talk to them and encourage them to focus on what they like about themselves and what they can do - not just how they look. Help them to see all their good points and the things you like about them - these can be simple things, like being a good sport, a caring friend or making people laugh.

If you're finding it difficult to know what to say, writing their good points as a list together can be another way to help them. They can keep the list for the days they are struggling as a reminder of all the good things they like about themselves.

Sit with your friend in front of a mirror. Together, thank your body for all the positive things it does. You and your friend might find this strange at first, but by doing this together, you can encourage your friend and show them how to see positives in their body. It can help them to learn to love themselves.

Support your friend to have a positive online space. If you know that your friend is struggling, you could send them a message to let them know they matter and remind your friend how brilliant they are.

If you think they're feeling overwhelmed, encourage them to see their GP for professional help.

Your body is enough, and you are enough, always.

Get help now

If you're struggling with how you feel about the way you look, you're not alone. Here are some services that can really help.

You might also find this helpful

More tips, advice and real stories on what to do if you're struggling with your body image.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Sometimes, we worry about how we look or what our friends think about our body. If you're struggling with body image, here's some advice that can help you.

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Going through different emotions is part of life. While it can feel worrying as a parent, it is normal for young people to feel low sometimes, and this can be a natural response to what's happening around them. Often, the passing of time and support from people they're close to can help things feel better again.

When a young person is feeling depressed, however, sadness and low feelings become more overwhelming, persisting over a longer period of time and making day-to-day life difficult.

Knowing that your child is feeling depressed can be incredibly worrying as a parent. But remember that lots of young people go through depression and come out the other side and feel okay again, and that there are things you can do to help them - including providing emotional support, working on practical strategies together and finding the right professional support if they need it.

Symptoms of low mood and depression

As a parent, it can be useful to understand the difference between having a generally low mood and feeling depressed. This can help you to think through what your child is experiencing and the type of support they need.

If your child is experiencing a low mood, they may feel more sad, tearful, worried, tired or angry than usual, or feel low and less confident about themselves - but then feel better after a few days or weeks. They may also start to feel better quite quickly after making small changes in their life or routine - for example after resolving a disagreement with a friend, getting to the end of a stressful time at school or starting a more regular sleeping pattern.

When a young person is depressed, sadness and low feelings do not change or go away with time. These feelings can become overwhelming and stop them from doing or enjoying things they normally would. When a young person is experiencing this, it's very difficult to shift the situation without extra help and support.

While every young person is different, and these feelings are often expressed differently at different ages, some signs that your child may be feeling depressed include:

withdrawing, or avoiding friends or social situations

finding it hard to concentrate, and/or losing interest in schoolwork

not wanting to do things they previously enjoyed

feeling irritable, angry or frustrated

feeling tearful, miserable, lonely or hopeless

feeling empty or numb

being very self-critical, or feeling less confident

sleeping more or less than normal

eating more or less than normal

feeling tired or not having any energy

showing less or no interest in self-care activities like washing

wanting to self-harm

experiencing suicidal thoughts

If your child is experiencing one or two of these things, it does not necessarily mean that they are experiencing depression. But it's important to speak to your GP as a first step so that you can explore what's going on together.

How to help your child with depression and low mood

If you are concerned that your child may be experiencing depression, there are lots of things you can do to help.

We have a list of services and helplines they can use on our reaching out for help page, which you can point them towards.

Top tips for supporting your child with depression.

When to seek professional help

If the situation isn't getting better with time and you're feeling worried about your child's mental health, seek professional support and advice.

Many children and young people will need professional and specialist help to feel better if they are experiencing depression. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy.

You can find more information about how to access professional help below.

Where to find professional help

If your child is experiencing depression and needs ongoing support, it can be helpful to create a support plan together with the professionals around your child - so that you know exactly what help is available and how your child can access it. This could include things like:

agreements with their GP, or their key worker if they are being treated by CAMHS, about when they will next check-in

whether any referrals can be made to other services, and a list of the services available locally that might be able to support them

what your child's school can offer - including a staff member who they can speak to when they're struggling.

people your child trusts and can talk to when they need to, including family and friends.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help.

Young people's advice for others experiencing depression

Speak to your doctor or a trusted adult about how you're feeling.

Don't be afraid to cry, especially if you're male - it helps to release emotions and you'll feel better afterwards.

I've found that identifying behaviours that are not beneficial to you - like endlessly scrolling through Instagram before bed and sleeping late - can be really helpful. It's hard to force good habits, but it can do wonders for your overall mood.

Try to keep going outside, even if it's just a short walk, it can really help your mood to lift.

Find a distraction technique - we all have different ones; it could be jogging, music, art, reading etc.

Realise that how you're feeling won't last forever and there's always something to look forward to.

If your child is having suicidal thoughts

Young people who are struggling with depression can experience feelings of not being able to go on, or no longer wanting to be alive. This can lead them to think about, speak of, or attempt suicide.

A young person can struggle with thoughts of suicide without acting on them. But these thoughts can also develop into stronger feelings, and a plan or intention to attempt suicide. All suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously, and young people going through this need help and support.

If your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts, or you're worried they might be, we have information and advice that can help. Have a look at our page on suicidal thoughts for advice on how to support them and where you can find help - including how to access urgent help.

For advice on supporting and responding to your child when they're experiencing suicidal thoughts, have a look at the Prevention of Young Suicide (PAPYRUS) website. You can also contact their HOPELINE to speak to an advisor via phone or email.

Looking after yourself as a parent

Supporting a young person who is struggling with depression can be incredibly worrying and exhausting - and it's entirely understandable if you're struggling with anxiety or other difficult feelings yourself at the moment.

It's so important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and to think about ways you can take care of yourself - including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust.

Many parents find it helpful to reach out to other parents so they can talk through how they have handled difficult situations with their children and get support. You may also be able to find a local parent support group using the Charlie Waller Trust directory.

If you need more help, you can find services such as counselling or therapy through your GP and other local organisations, or privately if this is an affordable option for you. Sometimes it helps just having someone there who can listen to what you're going through - and if you need someone to talk to, you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.

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Where to get further support

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in March 2023. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with depression or low-mood. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.

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Depression & Low Mood | Signs, Symptoms & Treatment

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Depression is a mood disorder where low mood persists for a long time. Read about the symptoms, what support is available and how you can help your child.

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Depression does not only affect adults. Children and young people can get depressed too.
It's important to get help early if you think your child may be depressed. The longer it goes on, the more likely it is to disrupt your child's life and turn into a long-term problem.

Signs of depression in children

Symptoms of depression in children often include:

sadness, or a low mood that does not go away

being irritable or grumpy all the time

not being interested in things they used to enjoy

feeling tired and exhausted a lot of the time

Your child may also:

have trouble sleeping or sleep more than usual

not be able to concentrate

interact less with friends and family

be indecisive

not have much confidence

eat less than usual or overeat

have big changes in weight

seem unable to relax or be more lethargic than usual

talk about feeling guilty or worthless

feel empty or unable to feel emotions (numb)

have thoughts about suicide or self-harming

actually self-harm, for example, cutting their skin or taking an overdose

Some children have problems with anxiety as well as depression. Some also have physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach aches.

Problems at school and problem behaviour can be a sign of depression in children and young people.

Older children who are depressed may misuse drugs or alcohol.

Why is my child depressed?

Things that increase the risk of depression in children include:

family difficulties

bullying

physical, emotional or sexual abuse

a family history of depression or other mental health problems

Sometimes depression is triggered by a difficult event, such as parents separating, a bereavement or problems with school or other children.

Often it's caused by a mixture of things. For example, your child may have a tendency to get depression and also have experienced some difficult life events.

If you think your child is depressed

If you think your child may be depressed, it's important to talk to them. Try to find out what's troubling them and how they're feeling.

See some tips on talking to younger children about their feelings and talking to teenagers.

Whatever is causing the problem, take it seriously. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it could be a major problem for your child.

If your child does not want to talk to you, let them know you're concerned about them and you're there if they need you.

Encourage them to talk to someone else they trust, such as another family member, a friend or someone at school.

It may be helpful for you to talk to other people who know your child, including their other parent.

You could also contact their school to ask if the staff have any concerns.

When to get medical help

If you think your child is depressed, or you're concerned about their general wellbeing, make an appointment with them to see a GP.

If necessary, the GP can refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health services for specialist help.

CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their mental health or wellbeing.

You may also be able to refer your child without seeing a GP.

Read more about where to get mental health support.

Further support

If you need support during a mental health crisis or emergency, read about where to get urgent help for mental health.

If you're worried about any aspect of your child's mental health, you can call the charity YoungMinds' free parents' helpline for advice on 0808 802 5544 from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.
The YoungMinds website also has mental health support and advice for your child

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Find out about the warning signs of depression in children and young people, and the help available if you suspect your child or teen is depressed.

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How do you know when you're depressed? Discover the signs of depression and what to do if you're low in mood.

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Southern Health NHS Foundation Trust and Barnardos are working together to deliver the Healthy Child Programme throughout Hampshire. This website provides details for access to health visiting and school nursing services, workshops for healthy eating and support with post-natal depression.

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We all have times when we need some parenting support. With My Family Coach, you get all the help you need with advice‌ ‌to support ‌every‌ ‌stage‌ ‌of‌ ‌your‌ ‌child's‌ ‌development.

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Hampshire Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) are an NHS service that aims to help young people up to the age of 18 who are finding it…

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Shout 85258 is the UK's first 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis. Get free, confidential mental health support anytime, anywhere. Text 'SHOUT' to 85258.

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