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Hi, Ella! First off, I think that your claim is clear, and understandable to the reader because you used clear word choice. Also, I like how you added a time stamp , so that everyone who reads this essay can watch that time stamp of the Pixar Short, For the Birds, to get a better understanding of the theme. However, a few errors I discovered  need fixing.First, I noticed that you did not include a second explanation, and no second evidence. If you would have added these it would have made your piece much stronger, Also, I discovered that you did not use present tense throughout your whole essay. Like when you said, “but the other birds were bullying him for his size.”

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Hi, Ella! A strength in your paragraph was your first evidence, because it clearly explains your evidence for the Pixar Short, Boundin. Also, I liked your sum up because it clearly restated the claim in a more unique and interesting way. However, I can offer a suggestion that can possibly help your essay be alot stronger.  In your second evidence, there is no timestamp, and it is not real evidence. To make your peice stronger I would get a quote from the Pixar Short, with the time stamp. Other then that your essay was great!

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Hey Ella, the strengths in your essay were your first explanation, beautiful work on making it really something I can picture. Also your bridge is what I found really good as well of how you put in the struggle of an adult and not just the child making it equal for everyone. A wish that I had for your essay was adding a transition word for everything time you start a new paragraph but overall wonderful job.

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Hi Ella, Something that I really liked in your piece was that you put a ton of detail and your description. Another thing that I irked was how I could really relate to your piece at some points. Something that I think could use a little work however is the punctuation

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Hey Ella. I really liked your writing piece, “Loosing Homework.” I liked how fluent you were with the words and i liked how you surrounded your pice with as much information on the topic as you could. A wish i would have is to make sure you reread your essay very carefully because some sentances in the piece kind of dont make sense. For example: “students have trouble staying focused is so much homework.” This kind of makes no sense so i would just reread your next writing essay to prevent errors like this in the future. Other than that, i think you did an amazing job with your essay!

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Btw I loved reading your piece and your and amazing writer!

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Btw I loved reading your piece and your and amazing writer!

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Hello Ella! I’m going to start off by saying that your essay was amazing and beautiful! I loved the word choice that you chose. But I think that you need to explain more in your piece to really drag the reader in to side with you.

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Hi Ellla. I really liked your piece “Reasons Kids Should Get Snow Days.” I really like it because i like how you added the article (where you got it from) and i like how you added information to kind or persuade the reader into thinking all kids should have snow days. A wish that i have is that if you added a few more sentances on the evidnce to kind of surround your piece with as much information as youy can, but overall, good job! 👍

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Hello! I really loved your piece “Meg’s journey.” This was a very interesting piece. I love the dialogue because it really captures the characters emotions. I also love the detail in the story and i kind of felt like i was in the story. Although i wish there was a tiny bit more detail, overall, great job Ella :)

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Hi Ella, I really liked the way you. Forming your writing around the story you did a wonderful job with the different perspective/people there are. Another strength you had was really giving your characters emotions, I could definitely understand what was going on.something I would recommend though is making your story a bit less choppy.

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Hi Ella, I really liked the way you. Forming your writing around the story you did a wonderful job with the different perspective/people there are. Another strength you had was really giving your characters emotions, I could definitely understand what was going on.something I would recommend though is making your story a bit less choppy.

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I LOVED your piece and I never knew you could write like that good job

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Something I liked in your memoir was how you described how nervous you were and thinking to yourself, “Don’t mess up.” Another thing I liked was how you told us the director was yelling at everyone.One thing you can work on was being more descriptive when you said, “I was backstage.” I think it needs more detail. Besides that, you did a great job.

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I loved your usage of inner thought in your memoir  The Big Show. You showed your brain arguing with itself which helped me see how anxious you were. I’m sure you did great and had nothing to be nervous about. I also liked the way you described the people at your show. You described the makeup by saying it was loud when really it doesn't make noise but it told me that it must have been very colorful and made your eyes pop. I like how you said there was a waterfall or phone cases ready to record. Although I feel as if you could have given a better description or back stage. Your first sentence was “I was backstage.” I think you should have described it instead of saying “I was backstage.” Use show not tell. Overall I think it was a great story.