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Chloe, I loved your presentation! One thing in particular that stood out to me was your detail. You put a lot of detail into your presentation like how you said “The Special Interest Group (SIG) can create wireless technology standards for hardware manufacturers which enables them to create new devices.” Another thing that was great about your presentation is your slides, they are all nice colors and the way you put your pictures into squares with rounded out edges. This makes it the same theme throughout the whole presentation. One thing I would improve is  your titles. Your titles don’t always relate to the subject while some are very well thought out like “Bluetooth: It’s the future” that relates to your topic whereas “Sources”doesn't really have anything to do with your topic. Overall you did amazing!

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Hey, Chloe! Great job! One STAR I had about your piece is how informational and specific you were being, especially on the “Know Bluetooth” slide. One line you said that was extremely informational and really informed me about Bluetooth is, “Bluetooth is made up of UHF radio waves at 2.4 GHZ.” This was super specific and really impressed me.

My second STAR about your piece is the fact that you added an ad into your presentation. Bluetooth must be pretty hard to find an ad about, but you managed to do it, and the ad is very informational!

My wish is that maybe next time you do something like this you can use a little less dull coloring. The coloring definitely related with the theme, but it was rather dull and made your presentation a little hard to read.

Keep up the good work!

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I really can’t say anything bad about your essay! It was love you ascriptive it had amazing transition words that’s pretty much all the boxes you need to check for me and it was just amazing. I loved reading it. I could really picture what was happening in the short and I knew what you were saying the entire time, so great job Chloe and I think you did amazing.

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Hi Chloe! A strength in your theme paragraph, “A Boy’s Gift” is your transitions. You didn’t use the same ones over and over again, instead you used different ones each time.  Another thing in your paragraph that was really good was your claim. I really liked how you didn’t use basic words, instead you used words like empathetic and undoubtedly. However, I think you could work on highlighting more of your transitions. I saw lots of transition words but they were not highlighted. For example, I saw “Instead” or “for example.” Overall, your paragraph was very good!

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A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “A Boy’s Gift”, was that your explanation was very thorough and it explained what had happened and how the evidence showed the theme of being tolerant of other people. This helped me understand how the boy had a change in character form the start, when he did not like the dog, to when he started to like the dog more. Another strength of your essay is that you used very descriptive and professional words like “empathetic” and “compassion”. This helped describe the scene and what was happening in more detail. I couldn’t find a wish for your essay, but a final star is that you incorporated this theme into life. I liked how you explained that people, just like the boy, treat others who are “weird” differently, and that this theme tells us that this is not a good thing. Great essay!

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Hey Chloe! One star I think you did well in you essay was using good transition words. Another star is you chose a great theme to match your Pixar Short. But one wish I would say is to maybe expand more in some parts of your essay.

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Hey Chloe! I really liked your essay! There were a lot of interesting word choice that explained your claim and reasons very thoroughly and clearly. You used different transition words and explanations to the evidence and I could understand your point of view in the argument. Another thing you did well on your timed piece was how you included the claim of each body paragraph into the anecdotes. I could clearly imagine the things taking place and how you claimed that a pet in the classroom is good for children. A suggestion for improvement though, is that I think you could have included more descriptive words to replace the simpler words to enhance your piece. However, I really liked your essay about classroom pets!

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Hi, Chloe! A strength of your essay is your introduction. As I was reading your introduction I found that I wasnt bored, and I get bored of reading quite easily. In addition, I liked reading your second explanation because I liked the details you included, and I could fully picture what was happening. Although, I did find some minor errors. To start, I feel that you could have expanded your anecdotes more, and added more details like figurative language, and sensory details. to bring your piece to life. I also believe that in some areas you could have chose better word choice, so your peace could be more understandable to the reader, but overall your essay was fantastic.

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Wow. That was an amazing essay! There were so many strengths inside that really made the essay’s point clear. A definite strength in your essay was how you described the causes of uniforms in school. The details in the explanations and the descriptive word choice certainly made the entire essay pop. Also, you did really good on the conclusion paragraph. It really hooked me as a reader and convinced me about how uniforms will cause bad things to happen and how it should be demolished. A suggestion I can give for improvement is that you should try switching up the word choice a little. You used “That is not ok!” A number of times, and you have also repeated “Is sacrificing uniforms worth…”. This makes the essay feel boring to read again and again the same sentences, and kind of reduces the essay’s effectiveness in persuading people about your opinion. Also, there were a few exclamations and questions that I didn’t understand, like the one were you said “Is the sacrifice for school uniforms worth the most possible embarrassment students will have in the real world?” This kind of tripped me up, so I would suggest changing it to something simpler? Other than that, I feel that this is definitely a strong piece!

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Hi Chloe! A strength of your narrative, “Where has the sun gone?”, is all of the inner thoughts Margot had when William and her classmates locked Margot in the closet. I really understood how Margot felt to be locked in a closet while everyone else went with the teacher to see the sun. For example, I like Margot’s thoughts trying to calm herself down, it really adds to what Margot was feeling at the moment: terrified. Also, I like how you included how Maybell told Margot that she was different and amazing. It made me realize how important it is to treat everyone with respect and not be rude to people just because they are different. One wish suggestion I can give for improvement is that you can include more detail about the events that happened before and after when William locks Margot in the closet. In my opinion, Margot and Maybell’s confrontation with William and his classmates was a bit short of details, and I feel like if you added more descriptive words that would help too.

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Wow…just…wow. I mean that is a very strong piece! And can I just tell you how much detail you put into that piece. Amazing. Also, that ending…PERFECT

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A strength of your memoir, “I Thought I Had Lost Everything”, was the way you felt shattered to pieces by the information that you had received. I could feel your desperation to crawl under a rock and never come back. I felt the way you were shocked, upset, confused, all mushed together. As you explained how you realized that sometimes you just have to deal with things that come your way, I also understood how this was true, and that whatever that comes in life, you just have to face it. In addition, I liked how you described how you walked slowly and every little moment that had happened was in your memoir, written with specific detail and how you thought the floor was even talking to you, urging you back to protect you from the moment that you had experienced. However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to include more figurative languages, and to describe more in detail about how you felt and what you did when you heard what your mom told you. I think you could enhance what you were thinking to show the reader the weight of what your mom just said, and you could also slow down the memoir and write every moment with extreme detail. I am still thinking about the details of some parts in your Memoir.