# data[].attributes.body
Stage 1: Thanh Trúc, Ngọc Cầm, Trọng Tuấn
Stage 2: Bùi Nguyễn Hoàng Hải, Nguyễn Đỗ Ngọc Quang,
Stage 3: Nguyễn Dân An

# data[].attributes.body
“If you can't excel with talent, triumph with effort.”

What is your response to that quote? Write about 150-200 word paragraph to show your response.

Write based on your group's outline in class.

# data[].attributes.body
Stage 1: Phan Nguyễn Phúc Bảo, Nguyễn Thị Ngọc Anh, Trịnh Phan Gia Khang
Stage 2: Ngô Thanh Tâm, Nguyễn Hoàng Minh, Trần Quang Huy
Stage 3: Chen Po Din

# data[].attributes.body
Question for Stage 1:  Group 3: Why it is so important to identify the audience, genre, and purpose in stage 1?
Score: 9.0
what is the most difficult part of your presentation and can your team give some examples in your reading?

Question for Stage 2: Group 6: why did your team choose an example of a student or children always using google translate e language.
Score: 9.0

Question for Stage 3: when looking for information, where to find the most reputable and accurate source.

Score: 9.0

# data[].attributes.body
Stage 1: Nguyễn Thái Thuận Yên, Phương Thảo, Lan Phương
Stage 2: Nguyễn Ngọc Châu, Nguyễn Thành Đông, Phan Quốc Bảo
Stage 3: Nguyễn Xuân Quang

# data[].attributes.body
Question for Stage 1: so from stage 1 you said that the purpose is to connect with the audience so how can we connect to them and by what

Score: 9/10

Question for Stage 2: In 3 components, which one is the most important in academic writing? How can you tell?
Score: 9/10

Question for Stage 3: When you search for information online, how can you know the source is reliable or not?
Score: 9.3/10

# data[].attributes.body
Question for Stage 1: is there any way to solve if the competition makes the loser become self-deprecating and not confident enough to join any of the competitions later?
H: Can you further elaborate on "people who care about depression in Gen Z"?
Score: 8.5

Question for Stage 2:
Can you explain more about the difference between topic and focus?
Which one is the most important in the topic, focus, and task?

Score: 9/10

Question for Stage 3: Can you give an example of a piece of information on one of the three topics?
Score: 8.5

# data[].attributes.body
2. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Topic sentence: Though it seems tough, people can all improve their lives by holding fast and always picking themselves up after failing. => does not have a topic, the controlling idea is not relevant.

Topic sentence: In our life, having a lot of difficulties and challenges requires you to face and overcome these. When you have a problem, you need to calm down and find ways to solve this problem. Because no one can help you, only you can help you. => a lot of personal pronouns

3. “Stop outsourcing your happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a hot partner, a fancy car, or a nice home. It comes from within. Everything you could ever want is already inside you. Your internal state dictates your external experience.”

Topic sentence: Humans nowadays sometimes take advantage of external materials to bring their happiness but the fact that the happiness actually may come from inside feelings, therefore, each person should not depend on outsourcing because the internal state is the determined element of external experience. => the controlling idea is not clear.

Topic sentence: Many people did not recognize that happiness existed within us already. It is not come from wealthy or valuable properties. True happiness comes from soul of each person and that affect a lot to our life experiences. => the controlling idea is not clear.

Topic sentence: Material possessions do not determine happiness, inner feelings do because happiness is formed by great experiences and great experiences are built from good internal state. => the controlling idea is not clear.

Topic sentence: Happiness is a part that cannot be lacking in our life. Everyone also has the right to live and to be happy. Everyone has one time to live. So, instead of paying attention to outsourcing, you should lend an ear and be more concerned about yourself. => out of topic.

Topic sentence: People frequently require external comforts related to basic demands  and ignore that their happiness actually comes from inner feelings and positive thinking, therefore, people should be concerned about themselves in order to have better external experiences. => out of topic.

# data[].attributes.body
2. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Topic sentence: Though it seems tough, people can all improve their lives by holding fast and always picking themselves up after failing.  => Avoid using ‘it’ when you haven’t mentioned the topic’s subject

Topic sentence: In our life, having a lot of difficulties and challenges requires you to face and overcome these. When you have a problem, you need to calm down and find ways to solve this problem. Because no one can help you, only you can help you.
=> Using ‘you’, ‘our’, ‘no one’

3. “Stop outsourcing your happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a hot partner, a fancy car, or a nice home. It comes from within. Everything you could ever want is already inside you. Your internal state dictates your external experience.”

Topic sentence: Humans nowadays sometimes take advantage of external materials to bring their happiness but the fact that the happiness actually may come from inside feelings, therefore, each person should not depend on outsourcing because the internal state is the determined element of external experience. =>  "internal state is the determined element of external experience" need to explain what it's mean.

Topic sentence: Many people did not recognize that happiness existed within us already. It is not come from wealthy or valuable properties. True happiness comes from soul of each person and that affect a lot to our life experiences.

Topic sentence: Material possessions do not determine happiness, inner feelings do because happiness is formed by great experiences and great experiences are built from good internal state.

Topic sentence: Happiness is a part that cannot be lacking in our life. Everyone also has the right to live and to be happy. Everyone has one time to live. So, instead of paying attention to outsourcing, you should lend an ear and be more concerned about yourself.

Topic sentence: People frequently require external comforts related to basic demands  and ignore that their happiness actually comes from inner feelings and positive thinking, therefore, people should be concerned about themselves in order to have better external experiences.

# data[].attributes.body
2. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Topic sentence: Though it seems tough, people can all improve their lives by holding fast and always picking themselves up after failing. Ans:  it's not convincing enough to put it this way.  Need more evidence to make the reader can better understand this topic

Topic sentence: In our life, having a lot of difficulties and challenges requires you to face and overcome these. When you have a problem, you need to calm down and find ways to solve this problem. Because no one can help you, only you can help you. Ans: it not relavant with the topic. topic focus about determination.

3. “Stop outsourcing your happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a hot partner, a fancy car, or a nice home. It comes from within. Everything you could ever want is already inside you. Your internal state dictates your external experience.”

Topic sentence: Humans nowadays sometimes take advantage of external materials to bring their happiness but the fact that the happiness actually may come from inside feelings, therefore, each person should not depend on outsourcing because the internal state is the determined element of external experience. Ans: this topic sentence doesnt focus to the main idea of topic. it repeat about all the topic, it need to take out the main source from the topic.

Topic sentence: Many people did not recognize that happiness existed within us already. It is not come from wealthy or valuable properties. True happiness comes from soul of each person and that affect a lot to our life experiences. Ans: they haven't come up with a valid argument to prove why making them happy comes from within and not from outside.

Topic sentence: Material possessions do not determine happiness, inner feelings do because happiness is formed by great experiences and great experiences are built from good internal state. Ans: same with the previous.

Topic sentence: Happiness is a part that cannot be lacking in our life. Everyone also has the right to live and to be happy. Everyone has one time to live. So, instead of paying attention to outsourcing, you should lend an ear and be more concerned about yourself.

Topic sentence: People frequently require external comforts related to basic demands  and ignore that their happiness actually comes from inner feelings and positive thinking, therefore, people should be concerned about themselves in order to have better external experiences.

# data[].attributes.body
2. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Topic sentence: Though it seems tough, people can all improve their lives by holding fast and always picking themselves up after failing.
=> It does not include the controlling idea

Topic sentence: In our life, having a lot of difficulties and challenges requires you to face and overcome these. When you have a problem, you need to calm down and find ways to solve this problem. Because no one can help you, only you can help you.
--> The use of the first person structure

3. “Stop outsourcing your happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a hot partner, a fancy car, or a nice home. It comes from within. Everything you could ever want is already inside you. Your internal state dictates your external experience.”

Topic sentence: Humans nowadays sometimes take advantage of external materials to bring their happiness but the fact that the happiness actually may come from inside feelings, therefore, each person should not depend on outsourcing because the internal state is the determined element of external experience.

Topic sentence: Many people did not recognize that happiness existed within us already. It is not come from wealthy or valuable properties. True happiness comes from soul of each person and that affect a lot to our life experiences.

Topic sentence: Material possessions do not determine happiness, inner feelings do because happiness is formed by great experiences and great experiences are built from good internal state.

Topic sentence: Happiness is a part that cannot be lacking in our life. Everyone also has the right to live and to be happy. Everyone has one time to live. So, instead of paying attention to outsourcing, you should lend an ear and be more concerned about yourself.

Topic sentence: People frequently require external comforts related to basic demands  and ignore that their happiness actually comes from inner feelings and positive thinking, therefore, people should be concerned about themselves in order to have better external experiences.

# data[].attributes.body
Topic sentence: Though it seems tough, people can all improve their lives by holding fast and always picking themselves up after failing.
--> Because it's made by me, also might be because it's too general

Topic sentence: In our life, having a lot of difficulties and challenges requires you to face and overcome these. When you have a problem, you need to calm down and find ways to solve this problem. Because no one can help you, only you can help you.
--> Perhaps slightly off-topic

Topic sentence: Humans nowadays sometimes take advantage of external materials to bring their happiness but the fact that the happiness actually may come from inside feelings, therefore, each person should not depend on outsourcing because the internal state is the determined element of external experience.
--> Many wrong word type, too close to the content of the question so it's too general

Topic sentence: Many people did not recognize that happiness existed within us already. It is not come from wealthy or valuable properties. True happiness comes from soul of each person and that affect a lot to our life experiences.
--> Also too general and it's perhaps too long (3 sentences)

Topic sentence: Material possessions do not determine happiness, inner feelings do because happiness is formed by great experiences and great experiences are built from good internal state.
--> Very general

Topic sentence: Happiness is a part that cannot be lacking in our life. Everyone also has the right to live and to be happy. Everyone has one time to live. So, instead of paying attention to outsourcing, you should lend an ear and be more concerned about yourself.
--> off topic, too long

Topic sentence: People frequently require external comforts related to basic demands  and ignore that their happiness actually comes from inner feelings and positive thinking, therefore, people should be concerned about themselves in order to have better external experiences.
-->off topic slightly

# data[].attributes.body
No one is completely perfect and unfair. Everyone will be successful in their own way. Obviously, we must attempt a thousand times in case we can not stand out with talent because it is virtually the most specific and meaningful way to become successful. Generally, it seems all of the problems have the solution for each one as well as effort replaces telent. The talent is only just a basic element to bring success a little bit more easily because the effort will prove our success meaningfully and get social recognition (so talented people aren't socially recognized and their success isn't meaningful?? this claim isn't strong=> change it and add an example. In addition, the effort is more accurate prediction of success than talent. Because, if we do not make efforts, talent is just untapped potential. Finally, thanks to the effort we improve ourselves step by step and success will come to us one day because talent accounts for a very small percentage of the process of getting success. => examples. To sum up, the effort is an quite important factor to brings us proud and recognized success if we do not have gift.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-I cannot recognize the topic sentence=> make the first sentence as the topic sentence.
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.

Make an outline before writing:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.headline
Hai's mediocre homework that he wrote while very tired 2: Electric Boogaloo

# data[].attributes.subject
Hai's mediocre homework that he wrote while very tired 2: Electric Boogaloo

# data[].attributes.body
In reaching success, talent will only boost progress and not take a person from start to end, effort will ultimately be the deciding factor for success even if you are talentless. Talented individuals are usually the ones who are touted for their remarkable skills=> are u sure of this claim?? is it a real thing? but they will not amount to much if there is no effort involved in their endeavour, therefore, talent is not the "golden ticket" to success.=> confusing explanation so we need to clarify this sentence and add some examples.  If a person finds themselves talentless, they can still be successful through simply being diligent with training and practice of skills - using hard work to overcome their disadvantages. For instance, an artist who were birthed with uncanny talent for singing but also got lost in fame will fail in comparison to a talentless artist who hone their voice everyday (word choice). Though it might be more tempting to value talent over effort, it is only because talent is more presentable and marketable while effort is mostly behind the scenes. When weighing the two, effort still hold significantly more weight than talent as it is what will truly help people grow and reach success.

Feedback:
Overall, you has nice ideas, especially the example of the artist. However, you should:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother.
-Avoid idioms and big words since some are inappropriate in the context (e.g. "tout")
-Ideas: elaborate more on "triumph with effort" , even some people cannot be as successful as the talented ones, but they transform into a better version of themselves, they win themselves or learn sth for themselves => that is considered a success.

# data[].attributes.body
We are constantly surprised by falsehoods about how to achieve in life: Discover and refine your abilities, and you will float in an ocean of prosperity and happiness. That would be true if you were born knowing you were good at something, but that is not always the case. What if you don't have any exceptional abilities? The good news is that almost everyone is like that, including incredibly wealthy and renowned people. Very few successful individuals excel at something. They are frequently an efficient blend of several relevant things. Bill Gates is not the world's finest coder, nor is he the best presenter, seller, or strategist. He's just at a mediocre level right now, but he's learnt to combine these abilities to create something far more useful. Will Smith, for example, never thought of himself as the best actor or singer in the world. But he combined his acting and singing abilities, as well as an engaging personality, crisp visuals, and a serious work mentality, to great effect. It all adds up to a far better whole than the sum of its parts. Most of us make a significant error when we concentrate on only one talent. Steve Jobs may have become a used car salesperson if he had done so. Assume you're a part-time tennis player. You enjoy the sport, but you know you'll never be a world champion. This talent is not particularly valuable in and of itself. However, you combine that capacity with the ability to teach. Then you learn how to generate instructional videos and advertise yourself on the Internet. Your biggest ability isn't generating videos or internet advertising, but even poor abilities may make a difference. You will gradually establish a type of internet business, do what you want, and you will not need to be exceptionally skilled in any subject. This strategy is applicable to all career fields. A typical businessperson who learns a little bit about law, body language, programming, design, or presentation can get a significant competitive edge. Indeed, it is possible to argue that what makes an entrepreneur successful is a mix of related qualities, such as psychology and self-control. Personal abilities are quite prevalent. The combination is more uncommon. So, if you want to boost your self-esteem, evaluate if you should focus on one of your strengths or create an effective mix of many of your advantages.

Feedback:

--I'm afraid your paragraph is off-topic.
- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Write ONE sentence as the topic sentence.
-Don't use too many simple sentences (S+V), instead, use compound and complex sentences.

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
Talent is a gift from God. If you don't have a special talent but you want to achieve your goals and be successful, you have to put in more effort than others to make up for your lack of talent and not be left behind=> shorten and combine them into ONE topic sentence.  Effort is mainly a core factor in deciding a person's success or not. Effort means that fight and conquer fear, try best to break and overcome limit of yourself => có thể nói sâu hơn là effort đến từ đâu mà có sức mạnh như vậy => self-awareness, intrinsic motivation and self-regulation, when you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses as well as your motivation, effort comes in to conquer fear .... Therefore, this is the key for you to take a huge step and reach nearer (word choice) with your goals. => examples. People have genius for something but if they do not spend the time training and enhancing their competence, this genius will be blurred by the time. For example: when you have an exam, you get a bad score, but if you study hard-working every day, you can improve your score in the next exams.=> cái example này ko liên quan cái explanation phía trước, nó nên là về giỏi mà ko luyện sẽ bị lùi dần. Xong so sánh với những bạn có nỗ lực.  In conclusion, success always comes with effort. Don’t waste your time in a useless way. Not having any success is easy, you need to invest your time and grey matter to effort and improve yourself day by day.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Write ONE sentence as the topic sentence.
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
In society today, talent is always appreciated but it is not the way which only one leads to success, the real way to success is to try your best to do your work and make it the best it can be=> nice!. Talent can help you get things done with gifted work quickly and with little effort => examples. However, effort gives you the opportunity to practice doing the work over and over again and can do it perfectly in the future=> examples (Edison is a good one). It is very rare that the “dream success” is achieved through natural talent, instead mainly the effort to do the best work possible. => examples .Without the support that comes from effort, talent is secondary=> unclear=> more explanations.  In conclusion, the road to success is very long and talent only helps people get there faster, on the contrary, if you go there with effort, it will be slower, but it will be more certain.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Make the topic sentence clearer a little bit (see Suggestion)
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.
- Use linkings, and comparisons to show the connection between sentences.
-For each main idea, ask 6W to fully develop it before moving on to the next main idea.
-Your ideas are nice but quite simple, how about analyzing the meaning of "success" and "effort"? If sb tries their best but they cannot win a game/ pass the test, then do they succeed? they don't win the game but what do they win over? => this idea will clarify the phrase "Triumph with effort".

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward or effort helps us to maximize our results)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
As the topic said, to achieve success not only requires talent but also effort to achieve it. Because talent is only one step towards success, it cannot take a person from start to finish. Effort is the deciding factor for long-term success even if you don't have talent. => Shorten them into ONE topic sentence pls. Because talented people only focus on talent, not develop anything else=> avoid extreme words "ONLY" => use Hedging and add examples to this reason pls. As for those who have no talent, they work hard to achieve it, and when they achieve it, they will continue to look for something new to try to achieve it. For example, a chef may have a talent for European cuisine, but will complain if his or her food is no longer appetizing. => nice! As for the chefs without talent, they work day after day to make their food better and find new ways to cook.=> and what is the connection? why do you mention this? is it relevant to the previous one or not? While talent can lead to success, it doesn't last long and effort lasts from day to day.=> examples

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Write ONE sentence as the topic sentence.
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.
- Use linkings, comparisons to show the connection between sentences.
-Avoid contractions (don't => do not)

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
Talent is usually considered as the golden ticket to success and people who are granted with that are the luckiest. However, this is not the case for talentless people since they do not have any talent at all and even if they do, it is still not enough. Effort should be included too because without it, people, even the talented ones, will not be able to be successful for a very long time=> TOO LONG for a topic sentence. Effort is a perfect long-term factor which can determine whether an individual can be successful or not based on hard work and the overcome disadvantages, whereas talent is only a presentable factor and it can slowly deteriorate if there is no practice or improvement added to it.=> Example. For talentless people, effort is the best factor for them to prove that although they are talentless, they can still be able to achieve their goals with all of their hard work and overcome the fear of failure => your controlling idea is "long-term factor for success" => prove it in your explanation. For instance, a high school girl has a dream of owning a cupcake store, even though she does not have a talent for baking and there are times when she wants to give up, but after several practices, gaining experiences and supports from her family and friends, her dream cupcake store has finally been opened and become extremely popular, just exactly like her goal=> should add a real name/ famous name. Overall, it is easier to consider that talent is a great element which guides the road to success in a fast paced way. However, effort is and will always hold the significant role of helping people grow and improve everyday.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Shorten your topic sentence.
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.
- Use linkings, and comparisons to show the connection between sentences.
- Always check your supporting details with the controlling idea to see if they are relevant or elaborate the controlling or not. I dont see the elaboration on "long-term factor of the success"

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward or effort helps us to maximize our results)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
Not everyone in this world is a genius that have their special ability that we called talent. Talented people usually succeed easier than people who didn’t have own their talent. If people don’t have talent, can they succeed? The answer is yes but it requires them must put more effort into everything they want to do. Not only talent but also effort is the main factor that will decide whether will you can become a successful person or just a normal person, so it is very important and necessary.=> I believe this is your topic sentence, but the lead-in is too long. Besides, an effort is a way that you can learn how to accept failure and make yourself stronger day by day. With people who have talent, it is easy to achieve success, but with people who didn't have it, they still have an effort. It might be difficult to adapt it => ??? because we must work harder than talented people but it can help us to improve our skills and achieve success like other talented people. For example, in the study, sometimes we will greet some tough exercise. For those who have talent, they can see it very easy, but with who didn’t, that’s not mean we can’t do that exercise, we can study day by day that type of exercise until we can do like talent people or more even better. => your ideas are nice but quite simple, how about analyzing the meaning of "success" and "effort"? If sb tries their best but they cannot win a game/ pass the test, then do they succeed? they don't win the game but what do they win over? => this idea will clarify the phrase "Triumph with effort".  In conclusion, talent is not the only way that can help us achieve success but also effort does. The difference is talent can help people reach the success in easy way, but effort help people reach the success by teaching them how to improve themself day by day.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Shorten the lead-in
- Use linkings, and comparisons to show the connection between sentences.
-Check your ideas if they develop the focus of the question or not.

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward or effort helps us to maximize our results)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
Everything that we want to achieve requires some effort. If talent isn't enough, you have to work a hundred times more than everyone else to achieve goals. Every day, we must put up the work necessary to achieve our objectives. Talents won’t shine if we don’t strive to develop and exploit them every day. Talent is a God-given gift, but the effort is perseverance, and daily endurance that humans can create. The effort pays off in many ways. When we put in the effort, we learn. Whether the effort produces results or not, we can learn and adapt based on what we learn from our efforts. To sum up, the effort is not only the key to opening many opportunities but also a lesson for us to accumulate experiences in life every day.

Feedback:
-I cannot find your topic sentence.
- Your sentences seems not to be connected to each other. => use linkings.
- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Make the topic sentence clear.
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.
- Use linkings, and comparisons to show the connection between sentences.
-For each main idea, ask 6W to fully develop it before moving on to the next main idea.
-No contractions (don't => do not)

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward or effort helps us to maximize our results)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
In the process of becoming successful, talent is a necessary material, however, effort is the major factor in a long-term process like success.=> nice! Not all people can succeed with talent, they need to work hard to access their goals. A talented person without effort will quickly get bored with everything that person does since those things seem to be too easy to pass for them.=> example. In contrast, a person reaching success with their hard work will have more chances to approach achievement although the process might be long. When people work with effort, their abilities will be advanced effectively and their passion will last longer.=> example.  Otherwise, working hard with effort helps people be more satisfied when they can achieve their goals. People tend to have satisfaction in every goal which they targeted, even when it came from the small things in life.=> example. In conclusion, it is true to say that talent is essential, but  effort is the key to achieve success for people, including genius and regular people.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-You need some examples for your explanations since they are still hard to understand.
- Use linkings, and comparisons to show the connection between sentences.

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward or effort helps us to maximize our results)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
From my perspective, talent is a gift that appear with just small part of people=> that cannot be a good topic sentence. It is means that anyone have the talent in something they will learn and digest faster than who do not have it. In contrast, if a people=> a person who is not a .... who do not a genius or have high IQ, they need to work harder to achieve the goals. This is generally believed that the normal people have spent more time for researching, for focusing than the people who have relative talent when put them in a specifically condition. For instance, Jack Ma, CEO of Alibaba is very terrible at English when he was a child. His hometown was poor in that time, but he wants to study English to learn how foreigners work. So every day he rides a bicycle for 20 km to go to the hotel where he can speak English directly with the traveler. After that, based on his English ability, Jack Ma can assess a wide range of knowledge about the internet. Finally, Jack Ma create Alibaba, the largest technology in China in the technology field => analyze this example based on your explanation (non-talents takes more time doing sth but got glory success later). As the final point, a people who have a special talent is a favor, but the people try to work-harder everyday to achieve the tasks will success in the future.

Feedback:

- Use transitions to make your points clearer and smoother. (First/ Second/ Moreover/ In addition)
-Topic sentence = topic + controlling idea
-Shorten your example and explain how it proves your explanation.
- Use linkings, and comparisons to show the connection between sentences.
-Your ideas are nice but quite simple, how about analyzing the meaning of "success" and "effort"? If sb tries their best but they cannot win a game/ pass the test, then do they succeed? they don't win the game but what do they win over? => this idea will clarify the phrase "Triumph with effort".

Suggested outline:
Topic sentence: Although some people do not have any special talents, they can become successful with their effort since it transforms them into a better version.
Main idea 1: talent but not trying => left behind
Reasons + Examples: [your ideas]
Main idea 2: non-talent but try with their best => win themselves/ learn sth useful/ even make a glory success or your ideas (effort makes them always move forward or effort helps us to maximize our results or long time to get success)
Reasons +examples: [your ideas]
Concluding sentence: [your ideas]

# data[].attributes.body
2. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Topic sentence: The best way to live is by accepting failure and moving forward in order to be successful.

Topic sentence: It is common for people to make mistakes and fall down on their way to achieve a goal, however, admitting and getting through those mistakes is an essential part of becoming a successful person.

Topic sentence: In this life, there are always failures and setbacks. And that makes for success.

3. “Stop outsourcing your happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a hot partner, a fancy car, or a nice home. It comes from within. Everything you could ever want is already inside you. Your internal state dictates your external experience.”

Topic sentence: Happiness is a necessity in life and it is necessary to better understand happiness in every moment of life.

Topic sentence: Happiness does not just come from external improvements, changing mentality and approach to have less lofty goals and expectations might lead you to be satisfied.

# data[].attributes.body
It has always been a confusing decision on whether choosing to relish life or save up for the future. In my point of view, both these decisions are crucial and worth considering as it helps us to balance quality of life. It is a tough question to choose which one is more vital as they all contribute to a better standard of living. Having an appropriate time to enjoy life could help us to recharge our energy, listen to our inner selves. For instance, most young people nowadays have a tendency to be workaholics as they are more likely to focus on earning as much money as possible. Nevertheless, working too much could possibly lead to the deterioration of health, both mentally and physically. Research from the University of Zurich also concluded that having every single delightful time actually contributes to our overall well-being. Although it is necessary to enjoy life, some people are spending too much money on wasteful things. That is the reason why saving money is also an important factor because it helps us to be financially independent and stable in the future. The reason is that the future is unpredictable, savings can be used in case of emergencies or when something happens unexpectedly. In contrast, if people just immerse themselves in documents, business plans, etc., they will not know how beautiful and wonderful life is. In conclusion, everyone only lives once, hence, it is essential to both live for now but also save for later.

# data[].attributes.body
There are a lot of opposite arguments for enjoying life or working hard for a better future. For me, I do believe that we should enjoy life, make it memorable and worthy. Firstly, many people say that money is the main factor for happiness, we can not do whatever we want to do if we do not pay for it. However, the definition of happiness is not just about money. When we are happy, we feel comfortable, feel relaxed and proud of ourselves. For example, some people do charity work because they love the feeling of giving. Sharing a small part of their property might help them feel comfortable, less stressful. Lastly, some people think that we should work hard to save money for our future. In case we have problems with our health or finances. Nevertheless, focusing on your job all of the time can lead to the missing of chances. Instead of that, we should know how to balance between work and our personal space. We must have time to know ourselves better, and seize the opportunity whenever it comes, so that we do not feel regret. Moreover, we can not predict what will happen in the future, we do not know exactly what purpose that money will be used for, that will be a waste of time and effort. One solution is to set the goal, and save enough money to achieve it. To conclude, it is meaningless to work for money but without any goal. Life is a journey, and we should make this journey worth with our value and our effort.

# data[].attributes.body
In today's modern life, many people want to enjoy their life rather than work hard and save money for the future. Because they enjoy life, they will feel more relaxed and happy. First, they will feel comfortable and relaxed because they don't have time pressure when they work and they don't think too much about how to save money because they simply think that it can be done. Eat as much as you can. For example, my mother is a person who prefers to enjoy life rather than work to earn money, whenever she receives a salary, she takes my family to eat delicious food. Second, they will feel happy and satisfied because they have bought what they like and want. They often don't think much about the price because they think they spend money on themselves and on the people they love that make them happy. For example, my father is such a person, my father likes to spend money to buy things that he likes and especially he also buys me a gift that I like. In short, let's just enjoy life because we only live once, and let's not pressure ourselves to work hard to earn a lot of money and save it to use in the future.

# data[].attributes.body
Happiness is when we know just enough and enough and how to balance our life as well. Therefore, in my point of view, a meaningful life is the one that we know how to balance between enjoying and saving money. We can choose both views instead of always choosing one. To begin with, it is an essential element to save money in order to have financial security, face harsh life or stable retirement . For instance, we suddenly have an unexpected accident, threaten with fatal illness or intend to invest for certain projects. It is considered realistically that money can not buy everything but almost everything can be bought with money. Thus, life can not be without money, as well as it is extremely significant for saving money.  In contrast, we tend to pursue social luxuries nowadays and forget what the life purpose it is. So life is tedious within running after money. Because we don’t give time for ourselves and explore the beauty of life. Moreover, It is undeniable that everyone has only one life and we should enjoy our life if we still can. Our life is short because we can’t know it will happen tomorrow and foresee everything. Therefore, when we are full of energy, health, we should at least take time to love ourselves. It is the way we respect ourselves. To sum up, our life is our decision, so we should take responsibility for our meaningful life by knowing how to balance and control between saving money and enjoying our life.

# data[].attributes.body
(Topic sentence) All of us have the right to choose our life and the way to live, but we should earn a living to save money and use it to enjoy our life to the fullest that is a meaningful life. Both of them are crucial and valuable, because each has its own benefits and they have to go both ways. The first one is enjoying our life to the fullest. “Dishonesty saps away energy and happiness. “Make a conscious decision to learn to love yourself, just as you are” and “You are more likely to feel fulfilled and happy when you’re living in accordance with your values” (Annie, 2021). This means living your life to the fullest, doing what you love, while realizing your strengths, your worth, and believing in your abilities. From there, you will feel that life is fun and work for you will no longer be a burden but a necessity in your life that can lead to your quality of life, morale and health are ensured. The second one is working hard and saving money. You need to do it because mwill meet your living needs such as food, house, water, electricity and to have money you need to work hard. In addition, when you have problems or face to diseases, you need to use your saving money to pass this difficults. For example: you get a cancer, if you do not have money for treatment, you will most likely die. “When you have enough money in the bank, you’ll never need to worry about having a roof over your head or about having enough to eat or about being able to see a doctor when you’re sick” (Christy, 2021). It means that you need to work hard and serious as soon as possible to have some savings in case of paying for daily living, unforeseen situations and unexpected disaster, you can safely resist and get through it. (Combine) Thus, it is strongly believed that enjoy life to the fullest and work hard to save money should be supplementary to each other rather than putting them against on another, because the life is severe and not easy to live, if you want to live a full and prosperous life, you should study and do the work you like really hard to save money to meet life's needs from a young age. In conclusion, each person can choose the life they want as long as they feel happy if you want your life to be pleased. This is your life and only you can choose the direction you want to go.

# data[].attributes.body
In the modern life, some people say that we should enjoy the life because human just live one, but other opinion suppose that we need to work more and spend money for future career. This argument attempts to prove that people have to work more every day instead of enjoy the life. This is accepted that enjoying life have positive impact to humans feeling. Firstly, people usually feed happy and comfortable when they do anything they want. This means that they can spend all of the budget for spa and go travel without focusing on the jobs. However, my personal viewpoint is unconvincing because some people may uncomfortable in the long term when they just enjoy life without working. It is clear that a majority of humans may feel boring, maybe stress after spend a long time for do anything they want without working. From my perspective, people should work more to become successful. Firstly, attention on working can Improve the ability. It means that people will spend a lot of time for update the skill and learn the new thing, which is very important in the modern life. Additionally, working more enthusiastic can help people increase the salary. When the people spend resource and time for working, they will creative and make more products and services, that will help them raise the budget. In conclusion, although life freedom and do everything we love have some positive effect. However, I believed that improve the ability and upgrade the income will make people feel happy in the future.

# data[].attributes.body
It is argued that some people suppose that we only live once, therefore, we have to relish our life to the greatest while others consider we should be hard-working and save money for the future. From my point of view, both these aspects are all important and valuable because they have their own benefits and they have to go both ways. First, enjoying life brings a healthy, happy, and relaxed lifestyle. When you enjoy life, you will do what you like, you love without any compulsion which leads to positive feelings like happiness and relaxation. These positive feelings will help you have the ability to combat stress more effectively because stress causes a lot of health conditions like autism, and ill-mental. For example, when you feel happy, you can see any ways to solve problems easier than when you feel under pressure. However, hard-working and saving money for the future is still necessary things in our life. It is true that money can not buy happiness but money is a condition that we have to have to overcome vary of situations in our life. Enjoying life is important but we still have to live with a suitable plan. For example, when you suffer from severe illnesses like cancer, you still have money to overcome it. In conclusion, both of these lifestyles have advantages and downsides that vary depending on a variety of issues, therefore, we should combine them properly to have the best life.

# data[].attributes.body
-Read the given paragraph
-The representative comments under the post:

1.Topic sentence controlling idea

2.Idea development (no need to include sources)

3.Clear structure of the argumentative paragraph (combine or point)

4.Coherence

5.Cohesion

# data[].attributes.headline
Question: Personality is more important than appearance.

# data[].attributes.subject
Question: Personality is more important than appearance.

# data[].attributes.body
Topic sentence: combine
Benefits of good personalities: respect towards you, "ưu ái", nothing to worry
Benefits of nice appearance: attractive, confident, easy to communicate, easy to secure a job, first impression, talk/behaviour
Combine: only personalities=> take longer time, less opportunities to express yourselves
Only appearance => misleading, trap/deception
combine
conclusion:

# data[].attributes.body
Copy your friend’s writing to Padlet and check his/her:

1.Topic sentence and controlling idea

2.Argumentative pattern

3.Idea development

4.Cohesion (linkings)

5.Coherence (orders)

6.Concise writing (not too many relative clauses, abstract nouns, empty phrases, no repeating ideas)

# data[].attributes.body
Truc:
Appearance in young generations has become a widespread issue to the general public, therefore, it is argued that using cosmetic treatment to have a better appearance is not an unsuitable thing. From my point of view, cosmetic treatment has both advantages and disadvantages depending on how people use it. Firstly, we will consider the positive aspects of cosmetic treatment, it brings a healthy, happy, and confident lifestyle. When we use cosmetic treatment, we can improve some parts of the body we are not satisfied which leads to some positive feelings like happiness and confidence. These positive feelings will help you communicate easier, have the courage to express your opinions, and also have the ability to solve some psychological problems like stress, autism, and shame because some negative feelings about not having a good appearance can easily make people fall into these kinds of diseases. However, cosmetic treatment still has some negative elements. When you feel cosmetic treatments are too good for your appearance,  you can overuse them to satisfy your own demands which leads to the risk of skin diseases. It is true that cosmetic treatment can help you improve your appearance but using too much of anything is not good so you must find out what you need and use it wisely. In conclusion, cosmetic treatment has both benefits and drawbacks, therefore, we should consider what we want and use it properly

# data[].attributes.body
Thảo

Using cosmetics is becoming more popular among young people, but some adults say that teenagers should not use cosmetics at a young age. However, beauty is everyone's requirement, including young people, and they have the right to use cosmetics, as long as they do not abuse it. For a long time, cosmetics have been thought to be harmful for youngsters. Since they contain a lot of chemicals that can make their skin be more sensitive, one of the most common chemicals is lead, which is often seen in lipsticks. Beside that, many adults think wearing make-up can make teenagers look more mature than their real age. The natural and pure beauty of youth is very precious, and they should not ruin that by cosmetics. However, using cosmetics can have some beneficial aspects for youngsters. Practicing makeup at a young age can help them improve their makeup skill, which is useful and necessary once they get older. Beside that, they can use cosmetics to embellish the face outline that they already have. When they look prettier, they have confidence in themselves. Moreover, modern cosmetics brands now provide products that are not harmful and suitable for youngsters. To conclude, there is no wrong for young people to use cosmetics to improve their appearance, but they should use it at the right level.

1. Out of topic
2. Write 2 sides
3. Clear controlling idea
4. Idea development is enough. But write more about cosmetic cause sensitive
5. Present different views on a topic: harmfuls and benefits
6. Lack of combine
7. Cohesion: however, but, and, since, beside that, moreover...

# data[].attributes.body
(Topic sentence) Youth problem is one of the most cared about problems in the world. The overwhelming youth problems on TV shows and films bring both positives and negatives. The first one is negative. TV shows and films will attract many teenagers and the youth problem is a sensitive problem, so the overwhelming of this terrible issue about the young generation will affect their psychology. Some young students have weak mentalities and face terrible problems. When they watch this news on TV shows or in films, their spirits may be broken, and feel disappointed in themselves, so they may follow the negative things they see. For example, a lot of news about the death of teenagers the reason is the pressure of studying and it appears too much on TV shows and films will make teenagers feel scared and more pressure that can affect to learning of them or even the worst situation is that they will commit suicide. The second one is positive. Youth problems on TV shows and films reflect reality issues that happen with the young generation. It is a wake-up call for parents with young children. Teenagers are a rebellious age, they are sensitive to the problems happening around them, so parents should spend time listening and being more concerned about their children to avoid unfortunate situations. (Combine) Thus, the overwhelming youth problems on TV shows and films have both beneficial and harmful effects. If these problems are not broadcast on television or films, we will not recognize the severity of youth problems and a lot of the same cases will happen. However, parents should control what their children watch and observe them more to discover their psychological abnormalities and handle them promptly. (In conclusion) Therefore, to minimize the terrible situations that happen, parents should take responsibility for educating their children, and after watching this news, parents should see it as an experience lesson to learn to understand their children more and make friends with them instead of forcing them to do the things we want.

1. clear controlling idea
2. block pattern
3. the firts idea is good, however the second idea is quite not relevant
4. good cohesion
5. present different views
6. no problems found

Cosmetic Surgery
Nowadays, beauty is concerned about by many people and using cosmetic surgery is popular in modern life. It is useful because cosmetic surgery makes them feel healthy and more confident. Proponents for we should not use cosmetic surgery put forward two main arguments. Their first point is that cosmetic surgery has risks like failing surgery and leaving complications later. For example: When you are in surgery, the doctor will use anesthetic drugs that make you not feel suffer. However, using anesthetic drugs can leave consequences such as lung infections, stroke, heart attack and more severe is death. It is really not worth risking your destiny to make yourself more beautiful. The second point is that after cosmetic surgery, it is not as you expect. It means that you feel not pleased with the result and the consequences are that they feel sad, self-deprecating or even fall into depression. It cannot be denied that cosmetic surgery has many risks but it also can have advantages for people who have demand. The first one is improving their health. It means that their appearance negatively affects their health, so they want to use cosmetic surgery to assist them feel more comfortable and healthier. For example: With the women who has big breasts, they want to zoom out it to improve the back and shoulder pain. The second one is making them confident. It means that cosmetic surgery can change the life of a person, it helps you confident in communicating or expressing one’s opinion in public and you do not need to be concerned about the body shaming by people who like to judge other people's looks. However, to protect your health, you should go to the reputation hospital and receive good advice from experienced doctors to have a nice result. In conclusion, the main purpose of cosmetic surgery is meeting the demand of people who want to improve themselves better. The choice is yours as long as you feel happy and satisfied with this choice.

# data[].attributes.body
Some people believe cosmetic treatment is obvious and normal for young people in order to perfect their physical appearance. In my viewpoint, cosmetic surgery should be taken under consideration because it both has benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, it is undeniable that cosmetic surgery improves confidence and psychological health. The reason is that social prejudice and stereotypes regarding beauty standards are still causing pressure and identity issues on youngsters, giving them the sense of feeling insecure, depressed and self-hatred. As a result, the young may suffer from depressive disorder, more importantly, they could commit suicide. Therefore, cosmetic treatment plays a crucial part in boosting self-esteem, saving and changing one’s life. For instance, the famous South Korean reality TV show called “Let me in” has transformed thousands of socially excluded women through cosmetic surgery, giving them motivations, strength as well as opening more opportunities to showcase themselves. On the other hand, cosmetic treatment also has several drawbacks to our physical health, especially those who are addicted to cosmetic surgery. As surgery procedures require patients to be given anesthetic, and in the long-term, patients will face a high risk of having memory loss or might take a period of time to recover after the surgery because anesthetic will negatively affect the state of mind. Moreover, there are also some situations when the results turn out not to meet their expectations, this will cause dissatisfaction; hence, they will keep abusing cosmetic surgery until they feel satisfied with their appearance. We have to admit that there is no wrong when the young choose to use cosmetic surgery, but they should be aware of the effects that might happen in the long-term. In conclusion, it is true that youngsters have the right to choose cosmetic surgery so as to make them confident; however, they should seriously consider the pros and cons before making a decision to do a surgery and try not to abuse it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

1. Good topic sentence & controlling idea

2. Write combine argument

3. Idea 2 needs examples

4. Not enough combine ideas

5. Coherence: From general to specific

6. Lots of cohesion: hence, as a result, moreover, on the other hand...

7. No concise sentences

# data[].attributes.body
Truc 2
The youth problem has become a broad problem for the general public, it is transmitted through lots of TV shows and films, therefore, many people have considered whether the overwhelming youth problems in TV shows and films bring negative or positive effects on the young generation. From my point of view, this issue has both benefits and drawbacks, so we need to go both ways. Firstly, violence is increasing frequently in the TV programs and films that children are watching which leads to a great influence on the psychology of the young generation. For example, many news and films talk about the deaths of teenagers who have to suffer a lot of pressure and stress from studying or kidnapping or murder cases without careful selection and appear too much causing young people will feel more scared and pressured with the work they do. If young generations are facing difficult problems, experiencing these things will lead to their psyche becoming out of control and doing things they don't want to do. However, the youth problem on TV shows and films still has many useful aspects. For example, reporting on successful people or geniuses who leave it as a motivation for your life because teenagers often learn from TV and movies as they’re navigating uncharted waters like gender roles or how to behave in relationships. In fact, youth problems on TV shows and films that can have negative effects on the young generation or bring real reflections and insights into society depend on the realization of each person. In conclusion, the youth problem has advantages and downsides that vary depending on a variety of issues, therefore, we should select carefully and understand it properly.

# data[].attributes.body
Hai

Though cosmetic treatments are often sensibly used by the youth as it is a good way to remove imperfections and has deep roots in human societies through time, many people are still staunchly opposed to it. Cosmetic treatments refers to a wide variety of procedures to either fix, improve or add a physical trait on the client’s body like, for instance, botox injection, skin brightening, or even tattoos.  Firstly, some people say cosmetic treatments are actually fraudulent tricks as it supposedly fool others into thinking the treatment users are better looking than they actually are. This is a questionable stance as it not only places a firm restriction on beauty, making only naturally good looking people capable of being desirable but also misunderstands the definition of the treatments, they are not all significant surgery which significantly changes how a person looks, most of them are actually small improvements to one’s look. Secondly, cosmetic treatments are said to be not normal as it is unnatural and not intended for people to do. Unfortunately, this sentiment is mistaken as humans have actually been using cosmetic treatments since ancient times, often known as “beauty rituals”. For instance, acupuncture of the ancient Chinese used to prevent diseases and improve skin, targeting conditions such as eczema, rosacea and psoriasis (Strenner, E., paras. 11); In addition, cosmetic treatments like tattoos has been found into numerous ancient cultures like Japan and Egypt, tattoos were even found on Otzi, a 5.300 years old mummified body frozen in ice (Hawn, A., Paras. 8), showing that cosmetic treatments are indeed normal procedures that our species have been using since culture emerged. In conclusion, cosmetic treatments should be accepted as they have deep roots in human society and are mostly sensible treatments to improve a person's appearance.

# data[].attributes.body
Appearance is believed to be the element following people from the beginning to the end of life, so they carefully take care of their outlook from very soon. However, some people do not have a nice appearance, and they come up with a decision which is using cosmetic treatment in order to improve the outcome beauty. From my point of view, cosmetic treatment has both advantages and disadvantages for the person who carries it on. Firstly, people without good appearance might suffer some scars, burns, pimples or some parts of their face that are not perfect. They will be embarrassed about themselves whenever they are compared with others' beauty. For that reason, people choose cosmetic surgery to complete their appearance. After they use cosmetics treatment, they feel more confident and comfortable when they go outside or meet people. In addition, using cosmetic surgery helps people become younger. When people are at the middle of age or more, their looks do not look as beautiful as they were before. Their skin sag and shrivel which give them an unattractive look. Although aging is a thing that no one can prevent, a cosmetic treatment can somewhat change it. Due to the benefits that cosmetic surgery has, there are some drawbacks that people can deny when they choose this kind of surgery. Cosmetic surgery will carry risk for the customers despite the cost it could be. A high cost surgery still has the risk of death like the cheaper ones. Therefore, some cases become failures because of the customer’s health or reaction to anesthesia. Once the surgery is a failure, it is hard to fix again because the customer’s body may not withstand that kind of surgery. Moreover, the procedure does not always meet expectations. It can happen since people require a beauty that they just have imagined about. People may feel desirable at the time they do the adjustments, but soon people will feel regret about what they did since the appearance is not what they expected. However, humans like beauty and nice things as nature. They are easily in love or have a good impression when the person they meet has a good looking face or nice body shape. Thus, people need beauty and a cosmetic treatment can satisfy that wish. In contrast, I recommend people to keep their appearance as usual as they naturally look. If people actually care about their friends or beloved family, they will love them unconditionally. In conclusion, cosmetic surgery both has benefits and downsides when people choose it, but if we choose the right surgeon and hospital, we can have a better outlook that we have dreamed of.

Topic sentence and controlling idea are relevant.

Combine writing structure: include both ideas for benefits and drawbacks of cosmetic treatment.

Exclude combine

Cohesion: however, therefore, although, due to,…

Coherence: shift from general to specific

Concise writing: not repeating idea and not too much abstract nouns or empty phrases.

# data[].attributes.body
This is kind of a good topic. Some students in high school told that they want to choose the subjects that they are good at.  Well in my opinion I think that I agree with this statement.  But anything still has two sides. Although I agree but by the way today we will talk about 2 sides of this statement. ( unclear argument)In Vietnamese schools, they are required to take 12 subjects ( or more I don't remember), all of which are essential. This is beneficial because it is at school that you discover your interests and talents. You get the option to try things you would not have done if they were not required by studying different professions. In the VietNam, on the other hand, I used to choose my subjects, and it felt wonderful to know that if a particular subject didn't interest me, I could always drop it and take something else. Examples are specialized classes such as specialized in chemistry, specialized in English and specialized in literature. I already study in specialized in chemistry But I don't know why right now I'm studying the English Language in FPT. (not related) My classes would also be tailored to my interests. I believe that schools should use a blend of the two. When we choose subjects that we enjoy, we perform better and with greater desire and interest, and as a result, we learn more knowledge. However, some disciplines should be required because they help our development, at least at the basic level. For example, I believe that everyone should know a little bit of arithmetic because math is used in almost every aspect of life. Past should also be required because everyone should be aware of their country's history, etc. Some subjects are foundational, and everyone should have a fundamental understanding of them. As a result, I believe that schools should have a selection of required courses and provide others as open electives to allow students to develop their talents and interests. Follow research from Harvard University that more than 70% of students agree that they like to be able to choose the subjects that they are good at.  In short, I think the high school should be able for students to choose the subjects that they are good.  That can help them know what they are really good at and that can be "the bridge" for them to have more knowledge to prepare for their future or for their job. But this can be hard to do in Viet Nam by the public schools which teach by the State curriculum, to make students have a base knowledge about every subject in school.

Idea developments and conclusion make confusion.
Speaking style => write more, read models
Argumentative pattern: messy => outline theo pattern

# data[].attributes.body
Write an argumentative paragraph on the following topic:
High school students should be able to choose the subjects that they are good at.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Write at least 200 words.

Work in groups in 15 minutes. Read and give feedback on your friends' writing. Write your names on the criteria:

1. Paraphrased topic sentence and controlling idea
2. Argumentative pattern
3. Idea development in each side
4. Coherence & Cohesion (Appropriate linking words)
5. Concise writing (no repeated ideas, not too many relative clauses, empty phrases and nouns, abstract concepts are explained clearly with concrete details)

# data[].attributes.body
When studying in school, students have the opportunity to access the knowledge and develop fully, specifically in critical thinking skills and soft skills. High school students can be considered the advanced ones because they get to study more subjects than middle and preschoolers, and because of this, more knowledge for them to access and these can be a foundation for their future university majors. Since there are lots of subjects for a student to handle, a particular statement arose saying that high school students should be able to choose the subjects that they are good at. However, I disagree with this statement (1). First and foremost, although letting high school students choose the subjects that they are good at is a good choice since this can help them with developing self and improving critically, this can be a disadvantage for them as they tend to choose the subjects which they find easy to study. From there, they lack the important knowledge from other subjects and these knowledge are possibly needed for their future jobs. Not only that, they can not graduate because only studying one subject is not enough for them to pass high school. To be able to do so, all subjects must be required. Secondly, schools might have to face the biggest problem: the class size is not ensured. Even though teachers are pleased to see students choosing subjects that they are teaching to study, however, this leads to the classes becoming overloaded and overwhelmed. Consequently, teachers lose control of their classes and might have to face other problems in terms of health and safety. For instance, a music class with around 200 students and only one teacher is there to teach and supervise the class. Surely, this is impossible and this can lead to chaotic consequences such as the mental and physical health of the teacher are not secured and safe, students become out of control and rebellion. Additionally, other students and teachers might be frustrated and irritated due to the noises coming from the classroom and this causes other students to lose concentration, therefore, they can not study and lose comprehension of what they are studying and this affects them negatively. Overall, giving the students the opportunity to choose subjects based on their preferences is great, but there are some drawbacks that the schools have to consider such as the size of a class and requirements for students to graduate.

2. Not clear, almost no opposing ideas.
3. Disagreeing side is fully developed but the opposing side is very few.
4. Coherence: from general to specific, Cohesion: adequate amount of cohesive devices
5. Not concise, very long and drawn out, especially at the start.

# data[].attributes.body
Nowadays, many students learn different subjects, and some students choose the subject they are good at learning. On the one hand, students should not choose the subject they are good at because when they just learn one subject they want, other subjects will be lacking knowledge. For example, when the student just learning Math, students will be very good at math but when other people asked them about history, they do not know about that field. Another reason is students cannot graduate when they learn one subject. High school students are burdened with the heavy responsibility of getting into the schools they or their families dream of. Nevertheless, when the student can choose the subject they want, students will feel more excited when studying that subject, create conditions for students to be more active, and dynamic, speak more energetically, let students have time to do the things they love to learn, help students having fun and having fun at the same time, exploding their abilities so that they can develop many abilities in the future and have more chances to achieve their dreams. For instance, if the student just learns history, they can be a professor of history faster than another student because they spent all the time learning history. In conclusion,

1. Should include 2 reasons in controlling idea.
2. Combine
3. The second side is lack of supporting details, no combine sentence + TIMER (10'-outline, 2' topic sentence, 30' body , 2' conclusion, 10' check)
4. good
5. good

# data[].attributes.body
In the modern life, there have a growing number of parents who are concerned about the students in high school. Some people said that it is better for students to choose the subjects that they have advantages. This paragraph will prove that this viewpoint is convincing.  This is accepted that there are some benefits when the high school students can choose the subjects to learn. Firstly, learning the optional subjects can help students absorb knowledge more easily. This is clear that the students can listen and learn the subjects that they like in the simple way. From my perspective, it can bring many positive aspects when the school let the students choose the subject that are good at. Essentially, the students may focus more on the lesson that they choose. This is means that these students will to delve deeper into other aspects of the subject. Secondly, the subject that the students can choose to learn help them reduce the stress. For instances, the students can complete the subjects that they like in a short time, so they can have more time on another activities such as playing sports and listening to music. To conclude, it is suitable for students when they can choose the subject that they want to learn. I believed that the focusing more the subject and creating more time for another activity can increase the student ability in the future.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gjn9RViTlH5tP_xolbqcaOQZpJj4Vnj_3LMIq59TdCI/edit?usp=sharing

# data[].attributes.body
Nowadays, many people argue that high school students should focus on all subjects at school; however, students have the right to choose subjects that they are interested in or good at. Studying only the subjects they are interested in can bring many positive outcomes. Firstly, students who can choose the subjects that they are good at to study tend to perform in class better than those who can not.  For example, in a mixed class, a student who loves math and is good at calculating will obviously have higher scores than the ones that are only good at literature. Moreover, students who only study subjects that they like can help them concentrate more and tend to perform better than those who are not interested in which they tend to get bored easily. Therefore, forcing students to study subjects that they are not interested in can affect students in many ways. Secondly, having to pick the subjects that they are good at can ensure a future for them. Without having to focus on the subjects that they like and not worry about other subjects, they tend to study well and have higher scores in the National Exam, thus ensuring the future that they have been dreaming of. To sum up, while many others believe that highschoolers should focus on every subject at school, I believe that students having to pick their best subjects can bring more positive results because there is nothing better than doing what you love.

Team 1:

1. There are sentence and controlling idea.

2. Wrong pattern.

3.There only have 1 side and the writer didn't write the other side

4. There are a lot of Conherence and Cohesion.

5. Concise writing are very good the example were clear, did not repeated ideas

# data[].attributes.body
In the cut-short competitive live education becomes most vital for a major role in everyone's life. Hence, high school is a turning point for students to show their interest and to make the future bright. Myriad people differ their opinion that High school should let students choose the subjects that they want to study but in my opinion, I completely agree with the statement I deem that each and student at beginning of the school must learn the various subject as they can. The discussion will be presented below with my opinion. On the one hand, many people say that students of the subject should be emulated by High schools. Firstly, if students create their schedule then they might be produced and generate the power of imagination in their interests. In addition, various children are unmatured so they cannot able to select the subject that they like or dislike. For instance, if students found difficulty in mathematics and proffer a choice to select their like and dislike subjects then they may shun mathematics. As a result, they can get a good grade at the end of the year. However, sometimes High school does not allow students to choose their subjects because of financial issues. Namely, if students desire to learn a piece of pop music but High school cannot afford that setup of pop music due to limited funds and space problems. In conclusion, it is too early to leave students to decide on that interesting area and goal. I completely agree with the opinion due to if student get their decisions themselves then they might get a professional level of performance in the feature of their interest.

-the topic sentence and controling idea are pretty long
-supporting details are not relavent to the main idea
-there is no supporting detail 2, directly conclude to the paragraph
-vocab and the way he show his idea is quite confused

# data[].attributes.body
Write a 250-word argumentative paragraph on this topic "Studying abroad is the best way to sharpen a person’s language skills."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Create a new document and edit with others at the same time -- from your computer, phone or tablet. Get stuff done with or without an internet connection. Use Docs to edit Word files. Free from Google.

# data[].attributes.body
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1182MfdziC4gPGamvw-pnqEC9-vxizi9Gp0Q0FlnqJxA/edit?usp=sharing

# data[].attributes.body
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10mOPT3o8RxU82MRKlCyTyKDDE0p1hbSOVbU4P9lqcRk/edit

# data[].attributes.body
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nLyddh4DfqJ4jLlOeN2rWZHYCU9ajQPM-RxlNp0Ylvc/edit?fbclid=IwAR2zmm8a5jdnfEj4B6CiLwifVT063VYWEyIsa0dWVN-ngiFqu8ty1b04u0Y

# data[].attributes.body
Work in groups,analyze the given writing based on the outline of this topic:

Some students usually think that healing themselves with materials or improving their appearance will reduce the mental pain.

Discuss the positive and negative sides of this trend.

OUTLINE:

Paragraph 1:
Topic sentence and controlling idea:
Positive 1:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)
Positive 2:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)

Paragraph 2:
Topic sentence and controlling idea:
Negative 1:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)
Negative 2:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)

Your evaluation:

# data[].attributes.body
Read the question
Write outline as follows
Write TWO-PARAGRAPHS (Paraphrased topic sentence and controlling idea + Positive paragraph + Negative paragraph and your evaluation)

Finish: Please check
1. Paraphrased topic sentence and controlling idea + Positive paragraph + Negative paragraph and your evaluation
2. Idea development in each side
3. Coherence & Cohesion (Appropriate linking words)
5. Concise writing (no speaking, no contraction, repeated ideas, not too many relative clauses, empty phrases and nouns, abstract concepts are explained clearly with concrete details)

OUTLINE:

Paragraph 1:
Topic sentence and controlling idea:
Positive 1:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)
Positive 2:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)

Paragraph 2:
Topic sentence and controlling idea:
Negative 1:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)
Negative 2:
Explain:
Example - Analysis:
(Compare contrast/ Cause Effect/ Emphasis)

Your evaluation:

# data[].attributes.body
Please review the correction in this sheet and OTHER COLUMNS in this PADLET

# data[].attributes.body
Young generation nowadays is in favor of some self-healing treatments in which they believe improving appearance and materials can heal the pain they suffer in their life.

Discuss the positive and negative sides of this issue.

Write at least 300 words.

Note: Evidence or in-text citations should be included

Young generation tends to choose the trend to buy materials or improve their appearance, because it can assist them reduce stress and become more confident. The first one is reducing stress. It means that the glamor of materials attracts their attention and gives them another happiness that make them temporarily forget their current pain. For example: students often go shopping or change their appearance when they suffer in life, it will give them positive energy and make them busy, so they do not have enough time to think about their mental pain. The second reason is becoming more confident. When students buy materials such as clothes, makeup, jewelry or improve their appearance like cutting a new hair. The purpose of all of them is that they want to become more beautiful and change their current life, so this can help them feel more confident. For instance: a girl just broke up with her lover, because her boyfriend called her ugly, so she learned how to make up to make herself become more beautiful with the aim of making her ex-lover regret.

However, this trend will have disadvantages. Firstly, this can not completely heal the mental pain that they suffer in life. It means that it is only a temporary solution to help young generation forget their pain. Pain will still exist and they still have negative emotions that can greatly affect their life. For example: buying new clothes that makes students feel  better and comfortable at the start, but their mental pain will still exist and they still think about sadness that can make them distract and negatively affect their learning. Moreover, if they abuse this trend, they will get out of control and waste money because materials and appearance are irrelevant to the spirit, so there are useless in healing their mental pain completely. In conclusion, this trend is useful to assist students temporarily  forget their pain that they suffer in life, but to end it, they should be honest with their feelings, do not let it affect their life badly, spend more time with their family and friends because love can heal the mental pain.

# data[].attributes.body
2. “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Topic sentence: Though it seems tough, people can all improve their lives by holding fast and always picking themselves up after failing.

Topic sentence: In our life, having a lot of difficulties and challenges requires you to face and overcome these. When you have a problem, you need to calm down and find ways to solve this problem. Because no one can help you, only you can help you.

3. “Stop outsourcing your happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a hot partner, a fancy car, or a nice home. It comes from within. Everything you could ever want is already inside you. Your internal state dictates your external experience.”

Topic sentence: Humans nowadays sometimes take advantage of external materials to bring their happiness but the fact that the happiness actually may come from inside feelings, therefore, each person should not depend on outsourcing because the internal state is the determined element of external experience.

Topic sentence: Many people did not recognize that happiness existed within us already. It is not come from wealthy or valuable properties. True happiness comes from soul of each person and that affect a lot to our life experiences.

Topic sentence: Material possessions do not determine happiness, inner feelings do because happiness is formed by great experiences and great experiences are built from good internal state.

Topic sentence: Happiness is a part that cannot be lacking in our life. Everyone also has the right to live and to be happy. Everyone has one time to live. So, instead of paying attention to outsourcing, you should lend an ear and be more concerned about yourself.

Topic sentence: People frequently require external comforts related to basic demands  and ignore that their happiness actually comes from inner feelings and positive thinking, therefore, people should be concerned about themselves in order to have better external experiences.

# data[].attributes.body
Discuss in group to analyze the problems in each topic sentence based on the elements of a good topic sentence that you learned.

# data[].attributes.body
Go to Padlet and find your new presentation group

Take turns and support each other to present your stage in 5 minutes

Others listen and each team asks one question for the presentation group, then gives them a score for answering your question