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Grief support for teens and young adults | Talk Grief

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Find grief support for teens and young adults at Talk Grief. Connect with others, share experiences, and navigate your journey of healing together.

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My name is Sarah and I am an independent celebrant. Since 2012 I have been helping families and couples create personal, eco-friendly, family-focused services known as celebrant-led ceremonies. This includes funerals, also known as ‘celebrations of life’, weddings and ‘ceremonies of love’ including renewal of vows and handfasting ceremonies. It also includes celebrations of new life with baby naming or welcoming ceremonies.

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Remembering with love: A service for loved and lost babies

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26 March 2026 The annual Hywel Dda Loved and Lost Baby Remembrance Service will take place on Saturday 25 April 2026 in Carmarthen. The service, arranged by health board staff and led by the Spiritual Care Department…

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Why are faith-informed conversations needed? Other high-risk groups which may intersect with faith and belief What should I be aware of when it comes to faith and suicide prevention? 8 themes on faith...

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Sudden Arrhythmic Death UK (SADS UK) assists people who have witnessed or carried out CPR by providing the opportunity to speak with qualified counsellors and arranging peer support.

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Sudden Arrhythmic Death UK (SADS UK) assists people who have witnessed or carried out CPR by providing the opportunity to speak with qualified counsellors and arranging peer support.

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If you are a loved one of a cardiac arrest survivor or have experienced the intense moment of witnessing or providing cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) to someone during a cardiac arrest, you are a co-survivor. We have built a repository of resources recognising the unique challenges and emotions that accompany the role of a co-survivor.

Please explore some important resources below designed to offer guidance, understanding and support as you navigate your own recovery journey alongside a cardiac arrest survivor.

If you start experiencing symptoms significantly impacting your quality of life, please visit your GP.
Life after you've given CPR
This BHF information page explains the different outcomes of a CPR, covers details on Do Not Attempt CPR (DNACPR) and extensive support for your emotional wellbeing after performing a CPR.
Talk to a health care professional
BHF's Heart Helpline connects you to a qualified nurse and offers you a place to share your experience and receive guidance on your cardiac arrest recovery journey. Call 0808 802 1234 (freephone). The nurses are available to speak on weekdays 09:00-17:00. You can also write to them at hearthelpline@bhf.org.uk or chat online.
Counselling supported by SADS UK
Sudden Arrhythmic Death UK (SADS UK) assists people who have witnessed or carried out CPR by providing the opportunity to speak with qualified counsellors and arranging peer support.
Sudden Cardiac Arrest support group
'Chain of Survival' co-survivor group where you can share your journey, get advice, and lean on others who truly understand your situation.
Peer Support
Talk to others who have given CPR by reaching out to us RCUK at communications@resus.org.uk, and join our Cardiac Arrest Survivors and Co-Survivors Forum.
Support for members of the public who have performed CPR
Information for members of the public who have performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) from Yorkshire Ambulance Service and RCUK.

Available nation-specific resources

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Cardiac arrest co-survivor support in the UK

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If you are a loved one of a cardiac arrest survivor or have experienced the intense moment of witnessing or providing cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) to someone during a cardiac arrest, you are a co-survivor. We have built a repository of resources recognising the unique challenges and emotions that accompany the role of a co-survivor.

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HAHAV’s centre at Plas Antaron, Southgate, Aberystwyth is HAHAV’s headquarters and Living Well Centre.

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HAHAV’s centre at Plas Antaron, Southgate, Aberystwyth is HAHAV’s headquarters and Living Well Centre. A former hotel, Plas Antaron offers a range of facilities and spaces to develop new services […]

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Living With Loss: Lynda and Gerallt’s Stories of Grief, Love, and Life After Suicide

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Events | Online Support Group for Parents Bereaved of a Baby or Very Young Child (up to the age of 4 years)

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The Queens Hall Narberth is a live events venue and community hall in Narberth. Established in 1958, we are situated in the heart of Pembrokeshire, nestled amongst an array of Narberth restaurants, independent shops, pubs and hotels. As a registered charity, The Queens Hall Narberth has provided the community with over 60 years of quality live music, theatre and events of all kinds. In addition, the venue hosts a range of classes including Kung Fu, Zumba and other activities including art workshops throughout the week; so if you are looking for things to do in Pembrokeshire, don’t forget to check out our upcoming events. The Queens Hall Narberth also provide flexible and local venue hire in Pembrokeshire for activities including weddings, birthday parties and other family events, as well as for fairs, markets, conferences and talks.

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Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.

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Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.

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Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families. All our training is delivered by experienced facilitators. Online training sessions are limited to 25 people to allow for discussion; these last for 3 hours. Our webinars are for larger groups and last up to an hour and a half, with an opportunity to ask questions via the Q&A function. If a number of people require training, it may be more cost-effective to arrange a bespoke or workplace training session for your organisation, either online or in person. You may also wish to book a bespoke training session so that content can be tailored to the specific needs of your team. Please email to let us know about any accessibility requirements or adaptations you require to attend our training. If you are an education professional, please either browse the list below, or visit our training for education professionals section. Please use the filters below to explore all our training. Contact us For general training enquiries: training@childbereavementuk.org For education training enquiries: schools@childbereavementuk.org

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Needs to be claimed within 3 months of death

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Needs to be claimed within 3 months of death

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You may be able to get Bereavement Support Payment if your partner has died. It has replaced the following benefits:

Widowed Parent's Allowance - if you already get this, your payments will continue until you're no longer eligible

Bereavement Allowance (previously Widow's Pension)

Bereavement Payment

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Bereavement Support Payment is money you can get if your partner dies - how it works, eligibility, what you'll get, how to claim.

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Log into Facebook to start sharing and connecting with your friends, family, and people you know.

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How to be an Executor - Carers Support West Wales

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Sandy Bear is a registered charity providing a service to all children and young people up to 18 years who have suffered, or who are likely to suffer

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P3059 Dyfed-Powys Road Victim Service poster_June 2025_English

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Tributes In Memory - Cruse Bereavement Support

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Connect with friends and family, share special memories and raise money for Cruse. Who will you be honouring?

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Grief and Bereavement in Primary Care - Good Grief

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Running from 28 January until 11 March 2026, the course will equip healthcare professionals and trainees to recognise and respond to the emotional and physical impacts of loss, reflecting the vital role primary care providers play in timely, tailored bereavement support. Bereavement can profoundly affect short- and long-term mental and physical health, and primary care […]

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When grief gets complicated – Dealing with challenging bereavements (GP course session 2) - Good Grief

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This session is part of the Grief Academy course ‘Grief and Bereavement in Primary Care’. Building on the first session, this session will explore ways to support patients experiencing atypical, complex grief. In conversation with course facilitator Dr Sheena Sharma, Julia Samuel MBE – one of the UK’s foremost psychotherapists and grief experts – will discuss […]

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Good Grief Festival - Free Virtual Events

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Facebook-f Linkedin Instagram Upcoming Events EVENTS 2025 GRIEF – FIT 13th October 2025 A nine week remote fitness programme open to any bereaved parent or sibling. Other start dates : 13th October 2025 4th January 2026 1st March 2026 31st May 2026 11th October 2026 FIND OUT MORE EVENTS 2026 ACTIVE GRIEF WEEKEND retreat 8th […]

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Intelligent search from Bing makes it easier to quickly find what you’re looking for and rewards you.

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Grief can be lonely and isolating. But HAHAV is here for you. We offer a free bereavment service for adults aged 18 years and over, across Ceredigion. Our trained counsellors […]

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National Grief Awareness Week 2025 – Our first Age Cymru Dyfed Bereavement Team newsletter.

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PDF ACD Bereavement Team National Grief Awareness Week Newsletter-images-0-merged-images-1

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Charity in Pembrokeshire - Paul Sartori Hospice at Home

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Pembrokeshire's ONLY Hospice at Home Charity. Paul Sartori Hospice at Home provides sustainable services that promote good end-of-life care.

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The festive season and grief - Cruse Bereavement Support

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Christmas and the festive season is a really hard time for many people who are grieving.

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Magnolia Tree: Support for Bereaved Parents

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Magnolia Tree: Support for Bereaved Parents

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Magnolia Tree is a compassionate support network for bereaved parents, offering a safe space for healing, connection, and remembrance. We understand that the loss of a child is an unimaginable grief, and we are here to walk with you on your journey. Through peer support, resources, and memorial initiatives, we provide comfort and guidance to help families navigate life after loss. Whether you seek a community that understands, practical support, or a way to honour your child's memory, Magnolia Tree is here for you.

Magnolia Tree support services are accessible through GP or NHS bereavement referrals. We are currently offering our support in Carmarthenshire and Pembrokeshire.

Find Comfort in Shared Grief

A Safe Haven for Grieving Parents

At Magnolia Tree, we believe in the power of connection and understanding.
We provide a nurturing environment for bereaved parents.
Our resources are tailored to support your emotional wellness through the grieving process.
Join us in commemorating and remembering your child while finding solace in shared experiences.

Why Choose Magnolia Tree?

Discover the unique offerings of our support network that help families cope with unimaginable loss.
Our services are designed to nurture the heart and soul of bereaved parents.

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Magnolia Tree: Support for Bereaved Parents

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Compassionate bereavement support network for grieving parents, offering emotional resources and community connection.

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Remembering loved ones lost to suicide - Speak Their Name

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Remembering loved ones lost to suicide - Speak Their Name

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Remembering loved ones lost to suicide - Speak Their Name

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Speak Their Name’s purpose is to help people bereaved by suicide create a space to remember their loved ones, feel less alone in their grief and access suicide bereavement support.

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Understanding Bereavement and Grief with The DPJ Foundation

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Eventbrite - The DPJ Foundation presents Understanding Bereavement and Grief with The DPJ Foundation - Wednesday, January 14, 2026 - Find event and ticket information.

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Pet burials - Pembrokeshire Natural Burial Meadow - Leedam

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We offer pet burial at Pembrokeshire natural burial meadow, and you can also reserve a plot next to your pet or inter their ashes with you.

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If you are grieving for a pet, or facing loss, our free and confidential Pet Loss Support service is here for you by phone, email or webchat.

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If you are grieving for a pet, or facing loss, our free and confidential Pet Loss Support service is here for you by phone, email or webchat.

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8th December - Online Support Group for Parents Bereaved of their Only Child or all their Children

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8th December - Online Support Group for Parents Bereaved of their Only Child or all their Children

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Events | Online Support Group for Parents Bereaved of their Only Child or all their Children

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Open booking form Need Help?

Karen Chandler - Celebrant

Karen Chandler is a qualified celebrant based in Pembrokeshire. Karen conducts ceremonies in Pembrokeshire, Ceredigion and Carmarthenshire.
Tel: 07590 420889

It is important not to use oasis blocks, plastic tray and wrappings, and to use flowers from sustainably managed sources. Flowers from your own garden are ideal. The florists we have featured below understand the importance of our natural ethos.

The Woodland Farm

The Woodland Farm's funeral flowers are suitable for woodland burials and family funerals. They will work hard to make the flowers special for the funeral regardless of the budget.
The Woodland Farm, The Rhos, Haverfordwest SA62 4AN
07967 366990
www.thewoodlandfarm.co.uk

Pembs Petals

Pembs Petals create locally grown natural floral tributes. Toppers are made from a woven base with moss so are really natural and ideal for a natural burial or green funeral. They also offer a workshop for families to make their own farewell flowers which can be a really special way to celebrate and remember a loved one.

07840 904383
http://www.pembspetals.co.uk/

By the Sea Flowers

Natural, rustic flower arrangements, inspired by the Pembrokeshire coast
The Summer House, Falling Stones, Longlane Farm, Amroth, Pembrokeshire, SA67 8PR
Tel: 07808 065987
www.bytheseaflowers.com

Flowers by Shelley

Shelley creates beautiful floral displays and works with both fresh and dried flowers. She won the best florist award in 2022. In addition to floral tributes, she can preserve flowers in resin as a keepsake and can include ashes in jewellery.
https://www.facebook.com/flowersbyshelleypembrokeshire

Pembrokeshire Flower Farm

Victoria Inn Brewhouse

Victoria Inn Brewhouse and B&B. Relaxed traditional pub set in the heart of the national park with beautiful views over St.Brides Bay.
Victoria Inn, Roch, Haverfordwest, Pembrokeshire, SA62 6AW
Tel:01437710426
www.thevictoriainnroch.com

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Useful contacts - Pembrokeshire Natural Burial Meadow - Leedam

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We've curated a list of useful local contacts for the Pembrokeshire natural burial meadow to help you when arranging a funeral.

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To help us keep this website secure, please wait while we verify you’re not a robot! It will only take a few seconds…

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Pembrokeshire Funeral Director Funeral Services Services - Page 1

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Home > Search By Service Offered > Funeral Director

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Recommended bereavement books and funeral poems | MuchLoved

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Bereavement reading to help after suffering the death of a loved one. The information is categorised into areas such as self help guides, stories of loss, child bereavement and grief poems.

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Our Helpline is run by trained bereavement volunteers, who offer emotional support to anyone affected by grief.

We'll give you space to talk about your feelings and how you've been coping. Our volunteers are completely non-judgemental and won't share what you've told them with anyone else, unless you are in danger.

Give us a call

You can call us for free on 0808 808 1677.

Opening hours

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday: 9.30am-5pm

Tuesday: 1pm - 8pm

Saturday - Sunday: Closed

We're really sorry if we can't answer your call straight away

Our helpline is really busy, and we're really sorry if we can't answer your call straight away. Please do keep trying. If you are struggling in the meantime, please do call Samaritans on 116 123.

Email Service - Opening Hours:

You can contact us through our webform at any time.
Our bereavement volunteers will respond to enquiries:

Monday, Wednesday and Friday: 9am - 5pm

Tuesday, Thursday: 9am - 8:00pm

Saturdays 10am - 2pm

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Our Helpline volunteers are here to help you make sense of how you're feeling.

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National Advisory and Liaison Service Cymru

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Contact Us - National Advisory and Liaison Service Cymru

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Get in touch with NALS Cymru. We provide free and confidential support in Wales for those affected by suicide.

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The DPJ Foundation | Mental Health Support Services Wales

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If you’d like help with any mental health issues or would like more information about our ‘Share The Load’ counseling service get in touch.

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New Bereavement Support Service Launches for Over 70s in Dyfed and Powys

A new bereavement support service for older adults has launched across the Dyfed and Powys areas. Delivered by Age Cymru Dyfed and Age Cymru Powys, this vital new service has been made possible by funding from the Welsh Government National Bereavement Support Grant 2025.

The service is an early intervention approach, with the aim of reducing barriers for older adults within bereavement services. It addresses critical gaps in initial bereavement support for people aged 70 and over — a group especially vulnerable to isolation and crisis following the loss of a loved one, particularly in rural and underserved areas.

The Office for National Statistics estimates over a quarter of bereavement support needs for older adults in Wales goes unmet – this leaves many older adults feeling unprepared and isolated, with many unable to cope. This new project offers early, compassionate and equitable access to make bereavement pathways clear and accessible for the over 70s age group within Dyfed and Powys.

By making every contact count – practical support will be available, both face-to-face and remotely, helping to build resilience, reduce isolation, and ease pressure on health and social care systems.

The initiative will also contribute to a growing evidence base to help shape future bereavement services across Wales.

For more information, please contact us at:

Dyfed (Ceredigion, Carmarthenshire & Pembrokeshire)

03333 447874

Reception@agecymrudyfed.org.uk

www.ageuk.org.uk/cymru/dyfed/

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New Bereavement Support Service Launches for Over 70s in Dyfed and Powys

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Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families. All our training is delivered by experienced facilitators. Online training sessions are limited to 25 people to allow for discussion; these last for 3 hours. Our webinars are for larger groups and last up to an hour and a half, with an opportunity to ask questions via the Q&A function. If a number of people require training, it may be more cost-effective to arrange a bespoke or workplace training session for your organisation, either online or in person. You may also wish to book a bespoke training session so that content can be tailored to the specific needs of your team. If you are an education professional, please either browse the list below, or visit our training for the education professionals section. Please use the filters below to explore all our training. Contact us For general training enquiries: training@childbereavementuk.org For education training enquiries: schools@childbereavementuk.org

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After someone dies: coping with bereavement

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This booklet is about coping when someone you care about has died. It is for the relatives and friends of someone who has died of cancer.

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This EasyRead booklet is to help you when someone dies. It tells you about the feelings you might have and things that could make you feel better.

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Easy Read Guide to Bereavement and Feelings – Understanding Grief - Free Emotions/Feelings Resources & Tools: FeelingsHelpBox.com

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The Easy Read Guide to Bereavement and Feelings, created by Child Bereavement UK, is a straightforward resource designed to help individuals understand and process grief. Written in clear, simple language with accompanying illustrations, this guide…

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Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust

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Bereavement – when someone dies - Easy read information :: Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust

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Anticipatory grief | Grief before loss | Marie Curie

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Sandy Bear believe that no child should suffer bereavement alone. Our 1:1 and peer-group support ensures children and young people are able to understand death, to fully express grief; and manage loss in a positive way which builds resilience and better equips them for life in future.

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Sandy Bear believe that no child should suffer bereavement alone. Our 1:1 and peer-group support ensures children and young people are able to understand death, to fully express grief; and manage loss in a positive way which builds resilience and better equips them for life in future.

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Paul Sartori's mission statement "To provide sustainable services that promote good end of life care in Pembrokeshire"

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Charity in Pembrokeshire - Paul Sartori Hospice at Home

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Pembrokeshire's ONLY Hospice at Home Charity. Paul Sartori Hospice at Home provides sustainable services that promote good end-of-life care.

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WAY Widowed & Young - Bereavement support UK

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WAY Widowed & Young - Bereavement support UK

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WAY is a UK charity that offers a peer-to-peer support network for anyone who's lost a partner before their 51st birthday – married or not, with or without children, inclusive of sexual orientation, gender, race and religion.

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Support. Understanding. Friendship.

WAY is a UK charity that offers a peer-to-peer support network for anyone who's lost a partner before their 51st birthday - married or not, with or without children, inclusive of sexual orientation, gender, race and religion.
Donate via JustGiving
+

Join hundreds of others who get what you're going through.

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WAY Widowed & Young - Bereavement support UK

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WAY is the only national charity in the UK for men and women aged 50 or under when their partner died.

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Supporting children and young people - Cruse Bereavement Support

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Get help with supporting children and young people after a death. Find resources and learn how to refer children to our services.

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Bereavement and Loss Support – Bethlehem 

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Bereavement and Loss Support – Bethlehem 

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Bereavement and Loss Support – Bethlehem Baptist Chapel

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Here at Bethlehem we want to support anyone who is struggling to cope following a bereavement or loss of any kind. Since death is a part of life, none of us are immune from grief. And many of us have to deal with the loss of a relationship or the loss of a job or a loss of financial security or losses of many other kinds. Some people can cope with bereavement or loss okay whereas others find it a struggle to carry on. If you are someone who need a little extra support then this group is for you! Join with other people who have gone through similar experiences that we may support each other on the journeys we are taking.

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The Sammy-sized GAP is committed to providing
specialized, compassionate support to those who need it most.
We offer a range of services, including counselling, group
therapy, workshops, and community outreach, tailored to meet
the unique needs of our local community. Our programme is
designed to help individuals and families navigate the
aftermath of suicide, offering guidance, support, and a sense of
hope during the darkest of times.

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Wales Bereavement Information and Support Service

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Marie Curie and Diverse Cymru are here to improve bereavement support for everyone in Wales.

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Grief can be overwhelming - you don’t have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support is here. Call our helpline or chat online.

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Paul Sartori's mission statement "To provide sustainable services that promote good end of life care in Pembrokeshire"

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Charity in Pembrokeshire - Paul Sartori Hospice at Home

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Pembrokeshire's ONLY Hospice at Home Charity. Paul Sartori Hospice at Home provides sustainable services that promote good end-of-life care.

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Our mission is to ensure that all those affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under receive the bereavement support they need and deserve.

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Our mission is to ensure that all those affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under receive the bereavement support they need and deserve.

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Play Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that uses play to help children deal with emotional and mental health issues. By using play and creative techniques, children are able to explore their feelings and thoughts and begin to process and understand muddled feeling and upsetting events. We offer Play Therapy to children aged between 4-12 years old who have been affected by the sudden death of a young person.

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Intelligent search from Bing makes it easier to quickly find what you’re looking for and rewards you.

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Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

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Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

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Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

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Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

# data[].attributes.headline
Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

# data[].attributes.subject
Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

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Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Support groups for people bereaved by suicide

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A free and confidential service in Wales for anyone affected by suicide

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A free and confidential service in Wales for anyone affected by suicide

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National Advisory and Liaison Service Cymru

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Home - National Advisory and Liaison Service Cymru

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Discover National Advisory and Liaison Service (NALS) Cymru, a free and confidential service in Wales offering support for anyone affected by suicide.

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Register – Let’s Talk About Grief - Men in Grief – Zoom

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If you are a man and you’re grieving, please join me - Andy Langford - in this online Let’s Talk About Grief session. I’m Clin…

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Bereavement - a guide for autistic adults

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Bereavement - a guide for autistic adults

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When someone or something you care about dies - like a relative or pet - you might suddenly feel very different. Everyday life might seem more difficult. Bereavement is the process of adjusting to life without that important person or pet.
People might not understand what bereavement and grief feels like for you.

You can get help to cope with a bereavement.

How might a bereavement affect me?

When someone or something you care about dies, you may show your grief in one or more of these ways:

anger

feeling more restless than usual

sleeping differently

eating differently

feeling that you need more help from others

not being able to do things you could do before

feeling less confident.

You may also show some feelings that other people aren't expecting:

not feeling grief or sadness

feeling grief and sadness after other people do

feeling more angry than you usually do

feeling excitement.

You might find it difficult to express or understand how you are really feeling.

You might find it hard to understand death. You might not know how you are supposed to behave when someone dies.

The death of someone or something close to you may feel absolutely awful. You might need to give yourself time to deal with your feelings about what has happened. You might need to ask for extra help from people around you.

Other autistic people have said that they feel differently about death to people who are not autistic.

Autistic people have said that they:

might react differently to how other people expect them to

might find it hard to understand their emotions

may or may not cry or behave in an emotional way

might show a delayed or extreme emotional response

might experience an increase in their autistic traits, like sensory differences, meltdowns and shutdowns

might find it harder to organise, plan and concentrate on tasks. These skills are also known as executive functioning

may have difficulty understanding what to do in social situations such as hospital visits and funerals.

What can I do?

It is hard for everybody to deal with death.

It might make your daily life seem more difficult for a while. You might find that these things will help you.

Talk about what is happening with friends and family. This can help you to understand how you are feeling and it is good to find out how other people are feeling too.

Find out what it might be like when you go to hospitals or funerals and wakes. You might find it helpful to visit the place that the funeral will be held before it happens, or look at pictures of the place where the funeral or wake will take place. If you know what to expect, the situation can feel easier.

Autistic people have said that they felt they needed additional support with the grieving process.

There are many types of counselling and therapy, including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which has been shown to be effective for some autistic people. If you would like to access therapy, you can do this through your GP or privately.

You or your doctor, can ask if the service is autism-friendly. All talking therapies should be adapted to be effective for autistic people.

Useful links and online resources

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Bereavement - a guide for autistic adults

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This guide looks at how bereavement can affect autistic adults and what we can do to help.

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I discovered autism via grief.

It was on my 47th birthday that I actually had the misfortune to witness the death of my father via stroke. Had I entered the room just five minutes later, I would have missed hearing his last words or seeing the terror in his eyes as he fell victim to stroke. I stood helplessly by, watching him go dark and watching him being airlifted to Hershey Medical Center in Pennsylvania.

Until that time, I had never really lost anyone in my family with whom I actually had any sort of relationship. My emotions were strong but I had no way to process or deal with them. I cried a tiny bit in the weeks that he stayed in the hospital in a dark coma, but mostly I was uncomfortable with all the weeping and emotions from my other family members during this time. I was pretty rational and emotionally regulated compared to them and also highly interested in the science, research, and medical facts. It was logical to me to be as armed as possible with knowledge in order to be of some help.

As a result, I acted as the liaison between the doctors and the family, coordinating meetings for the DNR decisions, negotiating next steps, translating the charts, etc. Upon my leave from PA and on my way back to Oregon, I visited my daughter in Los Angeles. I met a friend there who loaned me a book on grieving. I researched grieving and all the phases of grieving and it felt like I was doing things mostly okay. I cried and I had some anger, but denial and bargaining never really made sense to me so I figured I could skip them okay. I turned my energies towards the physical part of taking care of me. I made sure my diet, exercise, and sleep were on track.

After about two weeks of down time, my head was clear and my body strong and I was bored with the resting part so started back to work. At first I could not really focus on anything and I thought that was probably okay given that it had only been two weeks. But after a while, I noticed that my lack of focus was inhibiting more than just my job and it was more than just a lack of focus. I realized that I could no longer put pieces of data together anymore in any situation. Emails were all single entities and my program at work was nothing but lots of little pieces of data with no relationship that I could find.

Worse, I could not process anything visually, either. The parking lot turned into pieces of patterns made up of stones, cracks, water, leaves, etc. Leaves turned into patterns; trees were nothing but bark, ants and lots and lots of patterns. Weekspassed but this processing issue did not. Since I was useless at my job, I confided to my boss that I could no longer put the pieces together. I just assumed she would know exactly what I was talking about because I assumed that everyone put pieces of data together all the time every single day like me. She looked at me like I was crazy and sent me to grief therapy for some advice. It was by sheer luck that I chose a grief therapist who recognized my issue as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) symptoms within the first several minutes of our meeting. It was also my luck that he was sincere and honest about the fact that there are no available books or resources on helping a person with ASD through grief.

I could not believe this but later (after many attempts to find anything) discovered that he was absolutely correct. There really are no good articles on how to help a person with ASD process grief. It is with this hole in mind that I create this article.

Grieving and ASD Symptoms

The thing that probably helped me more than any other thing during my struggles was the realization that what was happening to me was sensory processing failure versus just going insane. Once I had this information, it became reasonably easy to understand what to do and I was able to focus on symptom management. You see, every brain only has so much space in which to process information, and if a very large part of that is consumed with emotions, it can easily result in failures of other areas. My colleague (Dr. Arnold) explained this to me via the "meltdown model" that I created here for you to see from her lesson.

Video explaining Karla's Autistic Meltdown Model

In my case, I did not have outward meltdowns in the traditional sense, but instead I had shutdowns whereby I lost actual abilities. What this looked like to the rest of the world is that my autistic symptoms worsened... and they did. I had less ability to process information and therefore less ability to be social or to do any tasks, as my executive functioning skills were also impacted. Once I understood this bigger picture, it became a matter of me being aware of what was happening and what I was asking myself to do, and backing WAAAAY off. I got smart about sensory processing and did not do things that I knew would be very hard (like go to large sports events). For times I could not avoid going out, I got ear plugs that blocked out noise almost completely, which also allowed me to focus more on visual processing. I also cut back on my schedule and my self-imposed goals for a while.

I think that it would be very beneficial if therapists (as a first step) could all help the autistic clients in their care to understand how the act of processing emotions actually impacts other brain functions and how autistic symptoms will increase for some time. Spend time troubleshooting the failures by category and also becoming aware of the symptoms that are causing anxiety. Without doing this, an autistic person could find themselves in a cycle of anxiety/symptoms. After finding root causes of failures, build a plan to offer reasonable/intelligent suggestions and actions that help the client to deal with the symptoms, which helps the anxiety greatly.

How Do You Feel? Emotions, Ugh

It is my experience autistic people hate the question about how we feel. Some can answer it, I suppose, but I never seem to be able to. I remember during my own grief therapy when my therapist asked me how I felt and I could not answer. He then got a little more specific and asked me what did I do when I experienced death. Not sure again how to answer, I answered how most people react. I told him that I cried. I saw him smile as he was sure we were making progress. He leaned forward and encouraged me to describe how crying felt. I thought about it for a moment and told him very sincerely that it made my eyes hurt. He sat back then and belly laughed at my answer before changing the subject. It was only much later that I realized he meant the other felt. I still don't know how to answer that one... How does crying feel?

The fact is that I have a pretty immature understanding of emotions (especially for an almost 50-year-old adult) compared to my NT peers. I also recently learned that the four emotions that I do understand somewhat have gradations for other people that simply do not register with me. Recently, I took the time to draw out my own understanding of emotions. It is very important to note how my happy/sad understanding is very limited and always regulated versus my anger/fear experiences. This is obviously the reason I cannot process grief like the other kids. My grief therapist would have done well to take this model and help me to learn about sad feelings and gradations (click to enlarge):

It is expected that NTs have a much more advanced understanding of emotions and gradiations within those emotions. But because my understanding is so simple, life isn't about how I feel but rather what I do.

The second best thing that happened to me during my grief therapy is that I got involved in ASD advocacy work. All of a sudden I had something to do that not only consumed my mind but also helped others. This work helped me immensely to get back to normal.

An ASD person who is grieving may be well served to take on a new venture or a new project in their old obsession. Get immersed in work and what they love to do. I do not believe that TV or video games will have the same "good" effect, as I believe the real benefit is from the creativity/learning. Seek out some sort of project to help move away from grief. It is well documented that a project that focuses on others will increase happiness.

Finally, I set very realistic schedules and goals surrounding my job and my fitness. I made sure to leave work on time by setting timers and made my work goals modest for the year. As an elite athlete, I actually reduced my weight lifting routine from a strength/performance goal to just regular maintain or fitness goals.

A therapist or caregiver should make sure that goals are realistic for the expected duration of grief.

Relationships

Again, my understanding of relationships is very different from my NT counterparts. This misunderstanding of views caused my therapist and me to stumble quite a bit. He tried to explain to me about how humans relate and how friendships happen, etc., and I knew that none of that stuff applied to me. It was frustrating for us both. My models of these things were very different from what he was showing. In fact, my relationship model is very, very simple. You are either a friend or not a friend. If you are a friend, you get me 100% as I am. Had my therapist understood my views on relationships and how my father fit into that view, he could have offered me a lot better advice or at least not confused me with his models.

My model looks like this (click to enlarge):

Anyone giving grief advice or therapy to an Autistic person should first understand that person's relationship model. How do they view relationships? Many/most ASD people will not be able to just spit this information out. It took me a few months to come up with this model and the subsequent filter model. You can show them several models, including this one, and ask them which one they relate to as a person with ASD. Only then you will be able to discuss reasonably and accurately that person's loss.

ASD Grief Things to Think About

1. May or may not cry or overtly show emotions. Alternatively, emotions may be delayed or very extreme when they do come.

2. Grieving will very possibly manifest itself via increased ASD
symptoms (increased sensory processing issues, shutdowns, meltdowns,
decreased social abilities, etc.).

3. May be unable to articulate what is wrong or talk about feelings.

4. Increased desire to be alone to work things out (this is opposite of most NTs who will feel better by sharing how they feel).

5. May not relate to many emotional or relational concepts designed by NTs.

Things That May Help...

1. Taking care of the physical part of the body (nutrition, sleep and exercise).

2. Alone time.

3. Learning about ASD traits (increased awareness about sensory issues and taking care to avoid triggers).

4. Time spent with obsession.

5. Getting involved in viable projects (focusing on helping others).

6. Setting realistic goals/expectations for recovery (grieving symptoms can last for longer than 1 year).

7. Discovering/exploring new areas of interest or special interests.
Many people with ASD are avid explorers or wanderers. Take some time to
explore or wander. Take up an instrument or new language, etc.
Learning helps to calm and to process feelings.

8. Understanding that your way of grieving is not like everyone else's (the NT world) and that your way is just as valid.

For Therapists and Caregivers/Loved Ones:

1. Make sure the ASD person is taking care of the physical part (nutrition, sleep and exercise).

2. Give space.

3. Understand that they may not want to speak of feelings or even be aware of them.

4. Teach about ASD symptoms and symptom management versus focusing on feelings or talking about feelings.

5. Send clients to research ASD cultures and send them to places such as
Wrong Planet to make discoveries about themselves as a person with ASD.
Just like NTs, people with ASD like to share things like this, but our
language will sometimes be sufficiently different that we will find
comfort only within our own kind. (We can speak more bluntly about
things like death for example.)

6. Validate their way of grieving (not crying at a funeral does not make them a monster)

7. Allow more time to process information (keep concepts/data minimal).
Some sources recommend two to three times the amount of time for CBT than an
NT client needs.

8. Encourage special projects and/or involvement in activities that are
related to special interests. People on the spectrum are often helped by
focusing on learning/doing.

9. Learn where the autistic person's emotional and relationship
understanding currently are and teach from that, rather than from the
currently existing NT models. If the person cannot articulate their own
model, begin with the ones in this article as an example and then show
the NT models. Encourage them to start talking about how they relate
with respect to these two models. This will start the process. From
here, work can be done to increase emotional language and awareness.

10. Encourage exploring or wandering.

I hope this is of some help and I am looking for more feedback, suggestions, etc. Please visit me on my Facebook page for comments: Karla's ASD Page

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Autistic Grief Is Not Like Neurotypical Grief

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There really are no good articles on how to help an autistic person process grief. It is with this hole in mind that I create this article.

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Sandy Bear believe that no child should suffer bereavement alone. Our 1:1 and peer-group support ensures children and young people are able to understand death, to fully express grief; and manage loss in a positive way which builds resilience and better equips them for life in future.

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Sandy Bear believe that no child should suffer bereavement alone. Our 1:1 and peer-group support ensures children and young people are able to understand death, to fully express grief; and manage loss in a positive way which builds resilience and better equips them for life in future.