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Marriage Advice - Expert Marriage Tips & Advice

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Living apart together has become more common than you probably even thought. If you take some time to survey, you may find couples who are married but living apart or those who are together but apart.

In this article, we will walk you through what this phenomenon means and how you can navigate these treacherous times. You will also discover the pros and cons of living apart together because as you know, almost everything in life comes with its upsides and downsides.

What is living apart together?

Living apart together is the term given to the situation in which couples who have an intimate relationship choose to live in different locations for a number of reasons.

has it that about one-third of the entire U.S adults who are not married or cohabiting are in some form of Living Apart Together relationships (LAT Relationships). What this implies is that there are more living apart together couples than you possibly imagined.

Furthermore, couples who are living apart together can choose to live close to themselves or far away from each other and just get to meet up at the times they predict.

Under these circumstances, they are in absolute control over their living apart together conditions and aren't compelled to make decisions based on a couple of factors that are beyond their control.

To some, being apart but together is their definition of love that waxes strong. To others, living apart while married is a complete no-no.

Why live together apart?

There are so many reasons why couples end up living apart after living together or choose to live at different locations from the start. As we have already hinted, here are some of them.

1. Some people just love their space

Being in a romantic relationship with someone else is not about making them trade their peace of mind for anything. They would rather choose the living apart together option and opt in to meet themselves at arranged schedules.

2. Others believe they don't have to live out of each other's pockets

Others don't think that the best and most effective way to show that they love someone is to pack up and move into the same house with the person. For these people, they would rather find other ways to express their love for a person than to live in the same house.

This is also absolutely fine, and if it works perfectly for you, then so be it.

3. Influence of family

Some people come from close-knit families, and they may have spent their entire lives living in the same house as their families. Even when they grow up and get into romantic relationships, they may find it challenging to get out of those houses they've lived in all their lives to start afresh with someone else.

On the flip side, they may just be from families that don't support the entire idea of living together when you aren't yet married.

4. Religious influences

In that case, these people would choose to wait to get married before moving in together. These said, let us quickly take a look at the both sides of this pendulum. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living apart together?

Pros of living apart together

Wondering what could be the living apart together benefits? Here are some of the benefits of being in a relationship but not living together.

1. You have independence

To make this work, you'd have to make a lot of compromises while they do the same as well. Some of the most challenging times come when both of you decide to live together, and you have to find common ground to meet on almost all matters.

When living apart together is your choice action, you'll end up saving yourself so much stress. For one, you wouldn't have to define the decor with someone else. You can choose how you want your space to look, what you want to bring in, if you prefer minimalism over everything else, etc.

The first and major advantage of living apart from your spouse is that you get to decide what you want and how you want it.

2. Living apart together helps you cherish the time you spend with your partner

One of the things you may have to deal with soon enough if you live with your spouse is the familiarity concept. When you know that they'd always be there when you wake up first thing in the morning, there's every possibility that you'll pay them little heed when they try to get your attention.

This can cause friction in the relationship as time passes. However, when you just get to see yourselves at intervals, you'll look forward to the time you'll spend together, and you'll also commit to mailing everything you can from those hours.

3. You have control over your schedule

If you are the person who lives to have their hands over your schedule; to determine what you do, when you do it, and how you do it, then living apart together might just be the perfect choice for you.

When you live alone, you can decide your schedule. First of all, there's no one in your immediate space that you have to think of. No family time. No immediate movie dates to worry about. Nothing that isn't you!

This gives you the space to determine your schedule to the best of your abilities. Also, this can positively impact your career if you are the type of person who places priority on your work.

4. Living apart together gives an opportunity to think for yourself

One of the things that can happen in relationships is that a time may come when you may need some space to think, process, and determine the direction in which your relationship is headed. Sometimes, making the hard decisions is impossible if you are living out of each other's pockets.

When you are living apart together, you can process information concerning the relationship in a clearer headspace.

In addition, not seeing your spouse every other second can actually contribute to making the relationship stronger as you may end up desiring those times you get to hang out and spend quality time with yourselves.

5. Living apart together can come in handy in breaking societal stereotypes

Many of these norms empower the men to chase their dreams while the women stay at home to create a conducive space for the man to thrive while keeping their ambitions in the back seat forever.

One of the major advantages of living apart together relationships is that these stereotypes hold little or no water under these conditions. When everyone has to live in their spaces, they have to figure out how to thrive independently of themselves. Another advantage is that unhealthy dependence on your partner goes out the door.

Cons of living apart together

Just like most things with advantages, living apart together comes with a couple of downsides as well. Here are some of them.

1. Jealousy can easily brew

At least, they could easily navigate themselves and monitor their partners if they were living in the same house. However, when distance is added to the mix, they may begin to doubt their partner's love for them.

2. This might just be the first step in a relationship that will hit the rocks

One of the main challenges that can easily pop up for living apart together relationships is that if extra care isn't taken, the distance can cause both parties to start losing the feeling they once had for themselves over time.

When one person starts feeling like they have to go too far to meet the one they love, they might just be tempted to opt out of the relationship and seek a new love interest that is closer to them.

As much as absence makes the heart grow fonder, it can also cause love to die down with time.

3. Intimacy is somewhat difficult

The heart wants what it wants. Although it is easy to focus on the bright and beautiful side of things, you may want to ask yourself this question. What if you wake up at 3 am, and all you want are the arms of your lover wrapped tightly around you?

You might be able to manage your emotions at first. However, if nothing is done, you may find yourself beginning to look for other options as time passes.

One of the major downsides of these relationships is that sometimes, affection and intimacy can be hard to get. Then again, the spontaneity that most couples who live together enjoy (like having hot sex in the shower and going for a little walk in the evenings) has to be planned and meticulously executed.

Having an order is great. However, what's a healthy relationship without a little bit of spontaneous fun?

4. Financial impact

Crazy, right?

One of the biggest disadvantages of living apart together is its effect on the finances of both people. Instead of taking advantage of all the money you can save, you may have to spend way higher on accommodation and monthly running costs if you choose to live apart.

These numbers still don't mean that married couples living apart are silly or lack financial intelligence. If they have to do that, they must have their strong reasons, right?

Suggested video: What you need to know about financially toxic relationships

5. It takes too much work to maintain a living apart together relationship

You may have to drive halfway across town to see them when you want to. You may have to wait for a couple of days until you can break the good news of your promotion to them.

You can't even get to share the small but precious moments of your life with them. And what's worse? The distance is opening your eyes to many other possible love interests that live just around the corner.

Does living apart together work?

The simple answer to this question is "Yes. Living apart together works."

However, to make it work, you must understand your unique situation and the things you must do to keep the flames of your love life. There are tons of couples out there who have made either scenario work for them. You just have to make sure that you are on the same page with your partner and that both of you are willing to see things through.

It takes a lot to make a living apart together relationship work. However, if both parties commit to making it work and if the situations are right for this type of arrangement, it is bound to work for you.

If it isn't working, however, you may want to sit together and analyze what you are doing. Then match your actions against your goals and see how you can adjust things.

You may also want to consider enlisting the help of professional counselors to help you make the best decision for your unique relationship.

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Living Apart Together: Meaning and Why Couples Do It

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Living apart together has become more common than you probably even thought. If you take some time to survey, you may find couples who are married but living apart or those who are together but apart. In this article, we will walk you through what this phenomenon means and how you can navigate these treacherous times.

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Living Apart Together - Who is living apart together?

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Thinking Skills Assessment (TSA): A short film about thinking

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University of St. Augustine for Health Sciences

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Is your current study method reading a textbook repeatedly, hoping something will stick? If so, do you find yourself stressed out because you can't memorize such a vast quantity of information in such a short time?

As a grad student, it's imperative to develop effective time management and study techniques that help you retain the most information. In grad school, cramming the night before doesn't cut it anymore. Go into the new year with a new strategy and try some of these effective study tips below.

Set the Stage

First, you need to create the conditions-in your body and external environment-to successfully learn and retain information. Here are some study habits worth trying:

Get a good night's sleep: A recent study found a positive relationship between students' grades and how much sleep they're getting. However, this doesn't only mean getting a full 8 hours of sleep before a big test. What matters even more is getting enough sleep for several nights before you do the bulk of your studying.

Switch up your study environment: This might not seem like a promising study strategy, but studies show that switching up your study environment can increase recall performance. Instead of studying at home every day, try checking out a new coffee spot each week or heading to your local library. A change in scenery can improve both your memory and concentration levels.

Stick with an environment that works: If you you have a good study space at home or a café that is reliably a productive place for you, it makes sense to stick with this when you are under pressure.

Listen to calming music: You can listen to any music you like, but many agree that classical, instrumental, and lo-fi beats make good background music for studying and can actually help you pay attention to the task at hand. Songs with lyrics can be distracting.

Eliminate distractions: Eliminate distractions by silencing your phone and annoying background noises such as the TV or radio. Make a pact with yourself to avoid checking social media until your study session is over.

Snack on smart food: Coffee and candy will give you a temporary boost, but then you'll have a blood sugar crash. For energy that is more focused and sustainable, try healthy snacks such as edamame, apples, or nuts.

10 Study Methods & Tips That Actually Work

1. The SQ3R Method

The SQ3R method is a reading comprehension technique that helps students identify important facts and retain information within their textbook. SQ3R (or SQRRR) is an acronym that stands for the five steps of the reading comprehension process. Try these steps for a more efficient and effective study session:

Survey: Instead of reading the entire book, start by skimming the first chapter and taking notes on any headings, subheadings, images, or other standout features like charts.

Question: Formulate questions around the chapter's content, such as, What is this chapter about? What do I already know about this subject?

Read: Begin reading the full chapter and look for answers to the questions you formulated.

Recite: After reading a section, summarize in your own words what you just read. Try recalling and identifying major points and answering any questions from the second step.

Review: Once you have finished the chapter, it's important to review the material to fully understand it. Quiz yourself on the questions you created and re-read any portions you need to.

You can try this study technique before taking your final exam.

2. Retrieval Practice

Retrieval practice is based on the concept of remembering at a later time. Recalling an answer to a question improves learning more than looking for the answer in your textbook. And, remembering and writing down the answer to a flashcard is a lot more effective than thinking you know the answer and flipping the card over early.

If you practice retrieval, you are more likely to remember the information later on. Below are some ways you can implement the retrieval process into your study routine.

Utilize practice tests: Use practice tests or questions to quiz yourself, without looking at your book or notes.

Make your own questions: Be your own teacher and create questions you think would be on a test. If you're in a study group, encourage others to do the same, and trade questions.

Use flashcards: Create flashcards, but make sure to practice your retrieval technique. Instead of flipping a card over prematurely, write the answer down and then check.

3. Spaced Practice

Spaced practice (also known as "distributed practice") encourages students to study over a longer period of time instead of cramming the night before. When our brains almost forget something, they work harder to recall that information. Spacing out your studying allows your mind to make connections between ideas and build upon the knowledge that can be easily recalled later.

To try this technique, review your material in spaced intervals similar to the schedule below:

Day 1: Learn the material in class.

Day 2: Revisit and review.

Day 3: Revisit and review.

After one week: Revisit and review.

After two weeks: Revisit and review.

It's important to start planning early. At the beginning of each semester, schedule some time each day just for studying and reviewing the material. Even if your exams are months away, this will help you hold yourself accountable.

4. The PQ4R Method

This method takes an active approach to learning that improves memorization and understanding of the topic. Similar to the SQ3R method above, PQ4R is an acronym that stands for the six steps in the process.

Preview: Preview the information before you start reading to get an idea of the subject. Skim the material and read only the headers, subheadings, and highlighted text.

Question: Ask yourself questions related to the topic, such as, What do I expect to learn? What do I already know about this topic?

Read: Read the information one section at a time and try to identify answers to your questions.

Reflect: Did you answer all of your questions? If not, go back and see if you can find the answer.

Recite: In your own words, either speak or write down a summary of the information you just read.

Review: Look over the material one more time and answer any questions that have not yet been answered.

5. The Feynman Technique

The Feynman Technique is an efficient method of learning a concept quickly by explaining it in plain and simple terms. It's based on the idea, "If you want to understand something well, try to explain it simply." What that means is, by attempting to explain a concept in our own words, we are likely to understand it a lot faster.

How it works:

Write the subject/concept you are studying at the top of a sheet of paper.

Then, explain it in your own words as if you were teaching someone else.

Review what you wrote and identify any areas where you were wrong. Once you have identified them, go back to your notes or reading material and figure out the correct answer.

Lastly, if there are any areas in your writing where you used technical terms or complex language, go back and rewrite these sections in simpler terms for someone who doesn't have the educational background you have.

6. Leitner System

The Leitner System is a learning technique based on flashcards. Ideally, you keep your cards in several different boxes to track when you need to study each set. Every card starts in Box 1. If you get a card right, you move it to the next box. If you get a card wrong, you either move it down a box or keep it in Box 1 (if it's already there).

Each box determines how much you will study each set of cards, similar to the following schedule:

7. Color-Coded Notes

Messy notes can make it hard to recall the important points of a lecture. Writing in color is a dynamic way to organize the information you're learning. It also helps you review and prioritize the most important ideas.

A recent study found that color can improve a person's memory performance. That same study found that warm colors (red and yellow) "can create a learning environment that is positive and motivating that can help learners not only to have a positive perception toward the content but also to engage and interact more with the learning materials." It also reported that warmer colors "increase attention and elicit excitement and information."

Writing in color may seem like a no-brainer, but keep these tips in mind:

Write down key points in red.

Highlight important information in yellow.

Organize topics by color.

Don't color everything-just the most important information.

8. Mind Mapping

If you're a visual learner, try mind mapping, a technique that allows you to visually organize information in a diagram. First, you write a word in the center of a blank page. From there, you write major ideas and keywords and connect them directly to the central concept. Other related ideas will continue to branch out.

The structure of a mind map is related to how our brains store and retrieve information. Mind mapping your notes instead of just writing them down can improve your reading comprehension . It also enables you to see the big picture by communicating the hierarchy and relationships between concepts and ideas.

So, how do you do it?

Grab a blank sheet of paper (or use a tool online) and write your study topic in the center, such as "child development."

Connect one of your main ideas (i.e., a chapter of your book or notes) to the main topic, such as "developmental stages."

Connect sub-branches of supporting ideas to your main branch. This is the association of ideas. For example, "Sensorimotor," "Preoperational," "Concrete operational," and "Formal operational."

TIP: Use different colors for each branch and draw pictures if it helps.

9. Exercise Before Studying

Not only does exercise fight fatigue, but it can also increase energy levels. If you're struggling to find the motivation to study, consider adding an exercise routine to your day. It doesn't have to be a full hour at the gym. It can be a 20-minute workout at home or a brisk walk around your neighborhood. Anything to get your heart rate pumping. Exercising before you study:

10. Study Before Bed

Sleep is crucial for brain function, memory formation, and learning. Studying before you sleep, whether it is reviewing flashcards or notes, can help improve recall. According to Scott Cairney, a researcher from the University of York in the United Kingdom, "When you are awake you learn new things, but when you are asleep you refine them, making it easier to retrieve them and apply them correctly when you need them most. This is important for how we learn but also for how we might help retain healthy brain functions."

When you're asleep, the brain organizes your memories. Instead of pulling an all-nighter, study a few hours before bed and then review the information in the morning.

No one wants to spend more time studying than they need to. Learning effective study techniques can ensure you are fully prepared for your exams and will help curve any looming test anxiety. Hopefully, with the techniques above, you can avoid cramming the night before and make your study time more effective. For more tips, download the infographic below.

Sources:

Chai, Meei Tyng, et al. "Exploring EEG Effective Connectivity Network in Estimating Influence of Color on Emotion and Memory." Frontiers in Neuroinformatics vol. 13, Oct. 9, 2019, doi:10.3389/fninf.2019.00066
Medical News Today, "Can You Learn in Your Sleep? Yes, and Here's How": https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321161.php#1

Yana Weinstein and Megan Smith, "Learn How to Study Using... Spaced Practice" and "Learn How to Study Using... Retrieval Practice" The Learning Scientists, https://www.learningscientists.org/blog/2016/7/21-1 and https://www.learningscientists.org/blog/2016/6/23-1.

"Better Sleep Habits Lead to Better College Grades." ScienceDaily, ScienceDaily, 1 Oct. 2019, www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191001083956.htm.

"Top 10 Healthy Snacks for Studying and Staying Focused: BrainMD." BrainMD Health Blog, 25 Oct. 2018, brainmd.com/blog/top-10-healthy-snacks-for-studying/.

"What Is Retrieval Practice? - Retrieval Practice." Unleash the Science of Learning, www.retrievalpractice.org/why-it-works.

Whelan, Jesse. "Using the Leitner System to Improve Your Study." Medium, Medium, 21 Sept. 2019, medium.com/@jessewhelan/using-the-leitner-system-to-improve-your-study-d5edafae7f0.

Chai, Meei Tyng, et al. "Exploring EEG Effective Connectivity Network in Estimating Influence of Color on Emotion and Memory." Frontiers in Neuroinformatics, Frontiers Media S.A., 9 Oct. 2019, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6794354/.

Warner, Jennifer. "Exercise Fights Fatigue, Boosts Energy." WebMD, WebMD, 3 Nov. 2006, www.webmd.com/diet/news/20061103/exercise-fights-fatigue-boosts-energy.

Aamodt, Sandra, and Sam Wang. "Exercise on the Brain." The New York Times, The New York Times, 8 Nov. 2007, www.nytimes.com/2007/11/08/opinion/08aamodt.html?ei=5070&em=&en=875b1c15ea6447c9&ex=1194670800&pagewanted=print.

"Benefits of Exercise." MedlinePlus, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 4 Oct. 2019, medlineplus.gov/benefitsofexercise.html.

Sandoiu, Ana. "Can You Learn in Your Sleep? Yes, and Here's How." Medical News Today, MediLexicon International, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321161.php#1.

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10 Effective Study Tips and Techniques to Try This Year | USAHS

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As a grad student, it's imperative to develop effective study techniques. Try one of these 10 study methods that actually work.

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