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Something that I enjoyed about the piece was the story. it was very complex with multible layers to it, making it feel more realistic. Another thing that I enjoyed about your piece was emotions. It made you fell sad and hopeful and everything inbetween. Something I ddint like was the clarity. It wasnt very clear in spots what was going on, so you could improve on that.

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I really enjoyed reading your essay! One thing I loved was the ideas you used for your anecdotes, they had a lot of emotion to them in my opinion. Another thing I liked was your word choice for the transition words, they were really persuasive and creative. One suggestion I have is to possibly elaborate more on your anecdotes, this would help convince the reader to stand with you. Other than that small suggestion, your essay was amazing!

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Hey Ej! Izzy here :). Something I loved about your essay was when you said: “Dejectedly,” I loved the transition words! It was like I could feel the emphasis in this one. Really great job with that. It was really helpful for the reader to see how much you were stressing the use of the word. Another amazing part of your essay was when you said: “immaculate the way they are because of scheduling, funding, and transportation.” This part was very good because you cut straight to the chase and it helped the reader really understand what you were trying to say. It also helps the reader understand the whole message of the essay, conveniently in the first paragraph. A suggestion I can offer you is to make sure you have applicable words to use in the paragraphs. It would be very helpful so the reader can understand what the transition words mean. - (ur bff 😔) Izzy ✨🤠🔥🦖😈👏✨

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Hello EJ. I rally like your easy and i think its really good i like how you described how the Girl had to wait out side and your awesome details. My wish is that you added a (might) i think you should deleate the () but ya that’s all amazing work.

-From-
Jon 😉

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I realy like the fingertive language and the amount of detail is wonderful

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I like how you were descriptive and how you said that the leaves and shadows of trees painted the concrete. It really helped me think about that moment and feel like I was in that moment with you.I liked how you were really in the moment and it went by very slowly. It really helps describe even the most feeble moments in that small moment. It really makes a difference. It was very nice reading but I wish you could have been more focused on the setting because it was hard to imagine the place. I could imagine teh leaves and color on the concrete and everything else but Ithink you could have discribed more about the setting.

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Wow. I can see many people here enjoyed your writing. As you know, I prefer not to fall in line but I have to agree Ioved the writing! I really like how much you mentioned the ocean as you where one of the only I read where you mentions the title multiple times you did a good job blending everything together and making it enjoyable. I was confused however why you mentioned the ocean so much but your title says lake in it.

Great job EJ!

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I like the part about legos. I used to get like those really big town lego sets. It used to take me months to finish those but it was really fun. I have a couple in my bedroom. I also like the part about music. I like rock music too, but mostly the classic type. I mean, Queen and the Beatles. Something I did not like is your ending. Are you telling me to drown? I am scared. Jokes aside, I don’t feel like it is the most pleasant sanding. But I like it, I can ignore the death threat and have a good time reading.

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not gonna lie kinda cringe, but i loved it I really liked your word choice and I thought it was very well written,one thing you can change however is when you say (also known as) the whole point of typing AKA is to not bother saying also known as but either way i liked it a lot

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I really like your writing and how you talked about your favorite songs.And I also like how you talked about swimming and how you dont like butterfly stroke.I also think your starting sentence is really good like how you said welcome to my ocean of wonder and stories.I like how you talked about your favorite music pop,rock and country.

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i also like rock and pop music to.

I loved how you put in the (LOL) it makes your righting mutch better.

I just fell like to chandge the blue triangle background on your righting part but over all it awesome.

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Hey, EJ! That was a great writing piece! I really liked the intro, when you said “Welcome, readers to my ‘ocean’ of wonder and stories”, and when you said “hope you enjoy your way floating through the deep deep ‘waters’ of wonder!” It was very creative. I also really liked how you really went in depth when it came to things you like. I got to learn about you more as a friend and as a person. However, the end ended of funny, but somewhat a bit negative. Maybe add just one more sentence, but other than that, it was amazing. Great job 👍

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Hey Ej! Something that I really enjoyed is that you went deep into explaining how you hate butterfly, yet loved that you added some humor there! Another thing that I really liked about your piece, was that you used some of the words from language arts, like smug, or cocky! I also really enjoyed that you mentioned your a master builder, but I think I’m the master builder! To conclude, something I would recommend is that maybe try to work on your transitions. You jump right into country music after legos, so maybe edit there. Other than that, this was a great writing piece, man! See you in Spanish!

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I really like how you explained about music genres and I agree with you. I don't like all country music. I like how you put a lot of funny sentences into your paragraph such as “I absolutely despise the butterfly!!!” The only thing I could say is you made a few mistakes in spelling and grammar but otherwise I’d give it a ten out of ten.