# data[].attributes.headline
Recognize that white supremacy is part of the culture we've been raised in- understanding it may come out and being both stringent/forgiving with ourselves on not perpetuating

# data[].attributes.subject
Recognize that white supremacy is part of the culture we've been raised in- understanding it may come out and being both stringent/forgiving with ourselves on not perpetuating

# data[].attributes.body
Checking in one-on-one with the person harmed about how they would like me to react in the moment in the future, and asking if they would feel ok with the particular harm that occurred being addressed after the fact. Sometimes it is my experience that people might not feel safe having it addressed in the moment.

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Work on reconcile what we thought about our selves vs. what we've done

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Work on reconcile what we thought about our selves vs. what we've done

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i will try to do it privately unless i can form the words to do it respectfully and responsibly. Bell Hooks coined the phrase "love is an action" or similar to this.  the same applies to being accountable, just saying "i'm not causing harm" isn't enough, i have to model it

# data[].attributes.subject
i will try to do it privately unless i can form the words to do it respectfully and responsibly. Bell Hooks coined the phrase "love is an action" or similar to this.  the same applies to being accountable, just saying "i'm not causing harm" isn't enough, i have to model it

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Asking myself what is that defensiveness protecting? And what is the worst that could happen without that defensiveness?

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Paying attention to recognize when I'm being defensive

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Paying attention to recognize when I'm being defensive

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What I might call embarrassed can lead to moving defensively

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Assessing what's happening, whose involved, being present with myself

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This is one of the hardest for me--I try to not speak for someone else and also step up for people who are not comfortable saying something. Ex I find it easy to correct when other people use incorrect pronouns for someone and I know what the correct ones are, but I have a harder time establishing whether I should advocate in the moment for someone in front of them. Often, I choose not to speak in the moment and check in with the person one on one after to see if they would like to me intervene at all but I don't love that approach.

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Be mindful of not bringing my feelings into it

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Be mindful of not bringing my feelings into it

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acknowledging the harm without making it about myself

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Recognizing that we can be the one to address our behavior first

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Recognizing that we can be the one to address our behavior first

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We can circle back on instances when we did something/said something off.

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i check myself by remembering that defensiveness is fixed and stagnant- i don't want to be that person. letting go of being defensive is growth

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i check myself by remembering that defensiveness is fixed and stagnant- i don't want to be that person. letting go of being defensive is growth

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thankful for the opportunity/process to talk about it to start- recognizing this places the burden on the person who was harmed.

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it's simple, but just listening is enough to start with--situations vary and you need to spend time understanding what you're being told before saying anything about what your perspective is. the listening and putting yourself in someone else's shoes is what drops my own inclination to be defensive.

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I acknowledge my defensiveness and work to keep it in check while I am talking with the person. I then take my defensiveness and share it with my therapist to help me process it in a place where I can improve without doing that work on the backs of BIPOC folks

# data[].attributes.subject
I acknowledge my defensiveness and work to keep it in check while I am talking with the person. I then take my defensiveness and share it with my therapist to help me process it in a place where I can improve without doing that work on the backs of BIPOC folks

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Ask the person what exactly they meant by their actions and to explain.

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Ask the person what exactly they meant by their actions and to explain.

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plan around it, and think how I can move forward.

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taking a breath! Oh S**t!

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Taking a moment to process what is said to you and not react in a knee jerk response.

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Taking a moment to process what is said to you and not react in a knee jerk response.

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check my immediate desire to explain myself, ask for more information and what they need from me

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I apologize and then spend a lot of time integrating this knowledge that they have shared with me.

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I apologize and then spend a lot of time integrating this knowledge that they have shared with me.

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if someone tells you that you've caused harm- tell them they are brave for giving the feedback. Let them know that you own the impact. 

# data[].attributes.subject
if someone tells you that you've caused harm- tell them they are brave for giving the feedback. Let them know that you own the impact. 