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Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) is the ability to identify and regulate our own emotions as well as recognize, understand, and engage with the emotions of others (Goleman, 1996).

It is a critical skill to build stronger and empathetic relationships, and it helps connect with our deepest feelings, allowing us to make decisions that are more aligned with our values and personal goals.

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize our own emotions and the impact they have on others;

Self-managementis the capacity to regulate emotions, control impulsive reactions and flexibly adapt to changing circumstances;

Social awareness is the ability to understand and empathize with the emotions of others;

Relationship managementcomprises a set of social skills, including positive influence, teamwork, clear communication, and conflict management.

How to develop emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a flexible skill that can be learned.

Even though some individuals might naturally be more emotionally intelligent than others, high EI can be developed with time through regular practice.

Below are some ways which may help to increase emotional intelligence.

Practice active listening

Active listening is about hearing beyond people's words. It involves fully attuning to what is being communicated, including the content of the message and the attitude that underlies it (Rogers and Farson, 1957).

Paying attention to another's body language, as well as the tone and speed of their voice, can help identify the speaker's emotional state in that moment and any messages beyond what they are saying.

To practice active listening, it is important to let the other person's train of thought flow without interruptions, as this will facilitate open communication and create a climate of trust and acceptance.

Secondly, controlling external and internal distractions can help facilitate active listening. In particular, the internal chatter in our minds and the need to plan our responses will allow us to be fully present in the moment and sharpen our listening skills (Lunenburg, 2010).

Emotional awareness

When experiencing uncomfortable emotions, we might have the tendency to ignore them or bottle them up rather than accept them as a normal and sometimes useful part of our life.

Leaning into our uncomfortable emotions can give us the opportunity to deal with our feelings productively, increasing our self-awareness and ability to introduce positive changes in our lives (Bradberry and Greaves, 2009).

By exploring with curiosity our full range of emotions, we can gain a more objective view of the person we are and how our feelings are influencing our actions. To see things from a wider perspective, we can also open up to feedback from others, asking about specific situations where we acted with poor emotional awareness.

Identify the emotions

Learning to label emotions with more specific vocabulary can help identify more precisely the type of emotional state we are experiencing and feel more in control of our responses (David, 2016).

Beyond the six core emotions - happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise - there is a vast spectrum that can be explored through the emotions wheel (Figure 2).

By recognizing, for example, that sadness differs from boredom or a sense of loneliness; we can become better able to pinpoint our emotions and manage them effectively.

An additional strategy to develop emotional awareness might be keeping a diary, where we write a description of our emotions and how these are brought up by specific circumstances.

After a few weeks, we may begin to see patterns. We may come to understand which emotions are most difficult for us to tolerate, which ones are triggering, and which ones contribute to feeling more connected with our own values and satisfaction with our lives.

Understand your stressors

Knowing what situations are triggering is critical for developing the ability to manage our emotional reactions and maintain calm.

We can use a diary to also identify the sources of stress or write down a list that includes a) specific situations - when we are most likely to feel frightened, disempowered, or not in control b) people - for example, those who appear to be toxic, friends not respecting boundaries or work colleagues trying to impose their opinions c) conditions in the environment - such as crowded or noisy places.

This will help us anticipate our stressors and then think about ways to put in place strategies to handle our emotions more appropriately (Bradberry and Greaves, 2009).

Channel emotions in a healthy way

Once we develop greater openness towards our emotions, it is also important to learn how to use them to our advantage rather than letting them control us.

The first step is to avoid judging our emotions and labeling them as good or bad. Instead, we should recognize them as powerful sources of information which can be used to drive our actions toward what matters to us (Bradberry and Greaves, 2009).

Refocusing our attention on things that are under our control and can be improved also allows us to not feel trapped in a downward emotional spiral and engage in more committed actions.

To give our minds a break, we should also prioritize scheduling activities in our routines that make us feel mentally recharged. These may include exercise, yoga, meditation, or other relaxing activities for the mind.

How to encourage emotional intelligence in others

Developing emotional competencies is not only important at the personal level.

Encouraging emotional intelligence in others, including children, students, romantic partners, and work teams, can help increase sensitivity to emotional cues that are often missed within oneself and the environment and ultimately boost the quality of interpersonal relationships (Nagarjuna Nagar, 2020).

There are a few tips we can follow to enhance EI in others:

Be open and curious

Creating opportunities to share opinions can help build trust in both dyadic and group interactions, reinforcing the importance of self-expression and promoting transparent communication between individuals.

For example, in a work setting, we might start by asking our team how they are feeling about a particular decision rather than appointing a quick solution to a problem without explaining the rationale behind it.

We might also try to engage in conversations by asking our co-workers about things that disappoint them at work, what motivates them the most, and how they deal with emotional stress related to work.

Name the emotion

To encourage self-expression in others, such as in children, we might ask them to name an emotion matching their present state. If they find this exercise difficult or give flat answers like "I feel fine/good," we can ask them to rate an emotion on a 1-10 scale or make use of the emotions wheel.

For example, you could ask: 'How worried do you feel on a scale of 1-10?'

This technique can even work for adults who may struggle with identifying their emotions.

Offer your perspective

It may be useful to give some constructive feedback to others about situations where they acted with poor emotional awareness.

Did they not show enough care or support to people who needed their help? Did they say something that could be perceived as disrespectful or inconsiderate of others' feelings? Are they often adopting unclear or inconsistent communication of tasks?

Ensure this feedback is not confrontational or using blaming language but expressed in a kind manner so as to encourage open, healthy discussion.

Promote a collaborative group culture

Encouraging cooperation within groups facilitates sharing of objectives, values, and concerns, which can ultimately result in an increased sense of group identity and commitment to tasks.

To enhance a team's EI, we can highlight participants' strengths and weaknesses, build a team spirit to spark passion and motivation and constantly provide a space to reflect on personal progress and ways to improve existing skills.

Why is emotional intelligence important?

"What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills - your EQ - not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests."Daniel Goleman

In accordance with Goleman's statement, emotional intelligence can benefit our personal and professional life in several ways.

It is a valuable tool to utilize when handling unpredictable and emotionally charged situations, it promotes better clarity of our motivations and goals, and it is an integral part of developing more satisfying relationships with others.

EI is also a significant predictor of professional success, believed to account for 58% of performance in all types of jobs (Bradberry and Greaves, 2006).

When is emotional intelligence important?

Overall, EI has been found to subsume a variety of skills that are critical in our day-to-day life (Figure 1).

Communication

Increased sensitivity to the feelings of others allows more effective communication and prevents the escalation of tension and conflicts.

As we are more aware of the emotional needs of the people we interact with, we are more likely to adopt a collaborative attitude and be open to compromise (Petrovici and Dobrescu, 2014).

Stress management

Recognizing how specific situations can trigger stressful emotions can help us feel more in control of our reactions, replacing negative feelings with appropriate coping skills to deal with them.

Neglecting how emotional stress drives our behaviors can lead to irrational decisions and ultimately exacerbate mental health outcomes (Ciarrochi, Deane, and Anderson, 2002).

Decision-making

Understanding how emotions influence our thoughts can prevent us from making misguided decisions, both in our personal lives and in the workplace.

As we are able to identify emotions that are superfluous or unrelated to a problem, we can form more objective judgments and enhance the quality of decision-making (Hess and Bacigalupo, 2011).

Change tolerance

Changes in our personal and professional life are constant and can sometimes be emotionally intense.

Reflecting on the emotional reactions that make us resistant to change as well as the interpretations and preconceptions associated with them, can help us assume a more positive outlook and think more optimistically about opportunities that can derive from change (Lin et al., 2016).

Motivation

With high EI, we can better understand the meaning of our aspirations and the motivational skills required to achieve goals in relation to our work, personal life, and health (Magnano, Craparo, and Paolillo, 2016).

In addition, with the capacity to recognize emotions, we can also impact other people's motivations, encouraging positive attitudes towards shared goals when working in teams.

Frequently asked questions

Sources

Atkins, P., & Stough, C. (2005). Does emotional intelligence change with age. In Society for Research in Adult Development annual conference, Atlanta, GA.

Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2006). The emotional intelligence quick book: Everything you need to know to put your EQ to work. Simon and Schuster.

Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional Intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart.

Carstensen, L. L., Pasupathi, M., Mayr, U., & Nesselroade, J. R. (2000). Emotional experience in everyday life across the adult life span. Journal of personality and social psychology, 79(4), 644.

Chang, K. B. (2006). Can we teach emotional intelligence?.

Ciarrochi, J., Deane, F. P., & Anderson, S. (2002). Emotional intelligence moderates the relationship between stress and mental health. Personality and individual differences, 32(2), 197-209.

David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Penguin.

Fariselli, L., Ghini, M., & Freedman, J. (2008). Age and emotional intelligence. Six Seconds: The Emotional Intelligence Network, 1-10.

Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Goleman, D. (2020). Emotional intelligence. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Hansen, S. (2015). "10 Things High EQ People Don't Do." Lifehack. Web.

Hess, J. D., & Bacigalupo, A. C. (2011). Enhancing decisions and decision‐making processes through the application of emotional intelligence skills. Management decision.

Lin, D. T., Liebert, C. A., Tran, J., Lau, J. N., & Salles, A. (2016). Emotional intelligence as a predictor of resident well-being. Journal of the American College of Surgeons, 223(2), 352-358.

Lunenburg, F. C. (2010). Communication: The process, barriers, and improving effectiveness. Schooling, 1(1), 1-10.

Magnano, P., Craparo, G., & Paolillo, A. (2016). Resilience and Emotional Intelligence: which role in achievement motivation. International Journal of Psychological Research, 9(1), 9-20.

Nagarjuna Nagar, A. P. (2020). Can Emotional Intelligence Be Developed?. Editorial Board, 9(7).

Petrovici, A., & Dobrescu, T. (2014). The role of emotional intelligence in building interpersonal communication skills. Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences, 116, 1405-1410.

Qualter, P., Whiteley, H., Morley, A., & Dudiak, H. (2009). The role of emotional intelligence in the decision to persist with academic studies in HE. Research in Post‐Compulsory Education, 14(3), 219-231.

Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1957). Active listening (p. 84). Chicago, IL: Industrial Relations Center of the University of Chicago.

Saul Mcleod, Ph.D., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years experience of working in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

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To improve emotional intelligence, cultivate self-awareness by reflecting on emotions, practice active listening and empathy, manage emotions through techniques like deep breathing, seek feedback on emotional responses, enhance interpersonal skills, such as effective communication, address personal conflicts constructively, and continuously educate yourself about emotional behaviors and reactions.

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Learning How to Connect Emotions and Body Sensations — Hope+Wellness

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Emotions aren’t only felt in the mind. Our bodies react to our environments just like our brains do, and it can be helpful to connect emotions with body sensations so we can better understand what’s going on within us.

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We often think of emotions as non-material, but they are a whole body experience.

Imagine you're a cartoon artist trying to convey the emotion of shame in your character. How would you draw it? Perhaps you'd draw your character's eyes looking down, his face red and flushed, and his whole body drooping.

It's difficult to describe an emotion without referring to how the body feels or appears. Our mental, emotional, and physical states are all closely connected to and influence one another. In fact, they are so closely tied that they are practically one and the same.

Here's what that means.

You might think of your emotions as non-material or as only happening in your mind, but emotions are also very physical. In fact, there's a constant feedback loop between your body and mind, known as the mind-body connection.

Think about how you felt the last time you were really happy. Maybe you felt more energy coursing through your body, you felt light on your feet, and you couldn't help but have a big smile on your face. It was an entire body experience.

Whenever you experience an emotion, it sets off a series of impulses in your brain and body which leads to specific physiological effects. So whether you're feeling happy, sad, or angry, you experience immediate changes in your body movements as well as your autonomic nervous system (breathing, heartbeat).

Emotions trigger important systems in the body so that we're adequately prepared for environmental challenges.

For example, fear activates your " fight or flight" response. When you're afraid, your body increases adrenaline and cortisol. You likely feel tense, full of energy, and either ready to fight or run away.

Research shows that emotions activate the following systems:

In a 2013 study, researchers created a "map" revealing where different emotions show up in the body.

The research team used guided imagery via short stories and movies to induce various emotions in 701 participants. The participants were then asked to color in a body map to depict where they felt increasing or decreasing bodily activity or sensations.

Despite being from different parts of the world, the participants showed remarkable similarities in their emotion-body perceptions.

The researchers found that most basic emotions were tied to greater activity in the upper chest area, likely corresponding to the emotions' effects on breathing and heart rate. Sensations were also commonly felt in the head, likely reflecting facial expressions and mental activity.

Long-term physical emotions

When we experience long-term stress, sadness, or anxiety, it can lead to depression, which in turn can lead to significant changes in the body.

Depression is commonly linked to pain in the body. In fact, vague aches and pains are often the most notable symptoms of depression.

Body symptoms in depression might include the following:

back, joint, or limb pain

stomach and digestive problems

tiredness or fatigue

sleep problems

slowing down of body movements

appetite changes

A 2004 scholarly article stated that the link between physical pain and depression is deeper than cause and effect. The neurotransmitters serotonin and norepinephrine influence pain and mood, and dysregulation of these chemicals can lead to depression and physical aches.

In addition, long-term stress can result in chronic inflammation and a weak immune system. You might be more likely to feel run down and get sick more often.

Suppressing your emotions

When you suppress your emotions and try to keep them from showing in your body, it can lead to health complications and negatively affect those around you.

One found that people who bottled up their emotions were 30% more likely to die of premature death from all causes, and their risk of being diagnosed with cancer increased by 70%.

Emotional suppression may also cause significant problems in communication with others. One study found that when a person suppressed their emotions during a conversation, both the person and their conversation partner exhibited physiological reactions consistent with threat.

Emotions and physical symptoms go hand-in-hand. It would be very difficult to be angry or happy and not have the emotion radiating off of your body.

Here are some of the more common physical sensations of emotions:

Anxiety. Lump in your throat, churning stomach, trembling, dry mouth, sweating, shortness of breath, feeling weak or tense.

Anger. Hot or flushed face, clenched fists or jaw, shaking, jerky body movements.

Joy. Feeling of lightness in your body, warm heart, "butterflies" in your stomach.

Sadness. Feeling of "heartache," heaviness in your body, tightness in chest, fatigue, drooping face.

Shame. Hot face, lowered eyes, sunken body posture.

Fear. Dizziness, weakness in legs, goosebumps, fast breathing and heart rate.

We also have numerous sayings referring to the mind-body connection:

hot-headed (anger)

hot-blooded (passionate)

heartbroken

getting cold feet (doubt or apprehension)

stomach-dropping news

gut-wrenching anxiety

spine-tingling fear

paralyzed with fear

flushed with anger

nerves of steel (ability to remain calm under pressure)

heart-stopping fear

all bent out of shape (extremely angry or annoyed)

on pins and needles (worry or anticipation)

head over heels in love

gut feeling

Sometimes it can be difficult to know exactly what you're feeling. Is it anger or sadness? Excitement or pleasure? Paying attention to how your body feels can be helpful. One way is to tune in to how much energy you feel.

In 1980, psychologist James Russel developed the Emotion Circumplex Model, a circular model of emotions that has two axes: One axis is from high to low energy, and the other axis is high to low pleasure.

High-energy positive emotions:

Low-energy positive emotions:

High-energy negative emotions:

Low-energy negative emotions:

You can use this model to gain deeper insight into your emotions. The next time you experience a powerful or confusing emotion, try considering if your emotion leans positive or negative, if your energy leans high or low, and where in the body you are experiencing your emotions.

This method can teach you how to use precise language surrounding your emotions, helping you better understand yourself and communicate with others more effectively.

Your emotions, thoughts, and physical body are all closely intertwined and significantly influence one another. In fact, there's a constant feedback loop between them called the mind-body connection.

Emotions trigger several systems in the body, including the cardiovascular, skeletomuscular, neuroendocrine, and autonomic nervous systems. This allows us to prepare for environmental challenges, such as escaping a perceived threat.

Tuning in to how your body feels on a regular basis and identifying and expressing your emotions can help you stay both mentally and physically healthy.

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Your physical reaction to your emotions can provide you with important information.

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Mindfulness of emotions can be challenging to navigate. They come and go with the same impermanence as waves yet often carry the same brute force as a storm at sea. We can find ourselves overwhelmed by their force, whether the emotions that come are in the form of anger, fear, sadness, disgust, anticipation, joy, or any other feeling. Our emotional landscape when heightened can be an intricate intermingling of numerous feelings and sensations that often boils down to an indescribable experience of unease and discomfort. In this melting pot of emotions, we can find ourselves unable to find clarity, peace, and stillness.

The great struggle with emotions is often not the raw emotion itself but is largely the story that accompanies it and the mood that results. Of course raw sensations can be very challenging to navigate in and of themselves, but our cognitive processing of events that led to the emotion doesn't usually take us deep enough to nourish the root of whatever is arising. When mindfulness of emotions arise we may unconsciously decide that they are too unbearable - too powerful - to sit with and so attempt to deal with them in a variety of ways. We might:

In some cases, we do need to withdraw from certain situations to see things more clearly, and in some moments it can be helpful to engage our mental facilities to help understand the situation at large; however, more often than not we revert to these habitual ways of being in order to suppress, avoid, or distract ourselves from the present moment. The problem with these defense mechanisms is that they do not help us to overcome the sense of suffering that accompanies the raw sensations that we experience. When we incorporate mindfulness into our emotional landscape, we start to develop a different relationship to the challenging feelings that arise.

The stories we tell ourselves about prior events leading to the feelings at hand can easily become entangled with the raw emotion itself. Even when we are not consciously aware of what is moving through us or another, there are a variety of signs that can inform us about what mindfulness of emotions are at play. Once we understand what emotions are present, we can look more closely at what they are signifying. Here are few examples of the visual signals that an emotion is present and what the underlying meaning might be.

Getting to know these signs and meanings can help us to see each emotion in a new light and to understand the deeper meanings behind them. When we let go of the stories attached to the feeling and look more closely at what is trying to be conveyed and how we are trying to convey it, we can manage our mindfulness of emotions more effectively.

It is not uncommon to be overcome by a particular bodily sensation when a certain emotion washes over us. When we feel depressed, we might experience heaviness within the body, or it might feel as if energy flow within us is stagnant. When we are angry, we may feel some tightness in the forehead or increased activity in the head region in general. Whatever the pairing, it turns out that each emotion seems to appear across cultures.

Research conducted by Finnish scientists sought to discover how bodily sensations pair with various emotions. Over 700 volunteers participated in the study that linked various basic and complex mindfulness of emotions with felt increasing and decreasing activity within various bodily regions. The result was a heat map that provides insight as to where different emotions manifest within the body. The results were congruent between West European and East Asian samples, suggesting that the link between emotions and the body is a universal phenomenon.

Understanding that emotions have a direct effect on the sensations we perceive within the body can help us to become more mindful of the intimate link between body and emotion. It provokes the question: can we become more aware of the very raw, physical manifestation associated with a rising emotion, rather than becoming consumed by the story that led to it?

Recognition of the body's reaction and potential contribution to mindfulness of emotions can empower us to move through them mindfully as we'll see in the next section.

Mindfulness of emotions are part of the human experience. In and of themselves they are neither good nor bad, so becoming mindful of them does not have to entail condemnation, judgment, or suppression; in fact, mindful awareness of our emotions is quite the opposite. Opening to our emotions mindfully is possible only from a place of unconditional love. It is a continual practice that offers us a new vantage point from which to relate differently to these energetic flows.

When mindfulness of emotions arise consider these four ways to open up to them mindfully.

1. Turn towards the emotion.

There is a common tendency to move away from difficult emotions when they arise. While this may have once served as an effective defense mechanism, we can help ourselves to move through the emotion more effectively by turning towards it. By taking a few deep breaths and gently opening ourselves to whatever is present, we are able to transition through our emotional landscape with greater understanding and acceptance. The key here is to opening from the heart and staying open to whatever arises.

2. Create space by identifying the emotion(s) - without judgment.

It is easy to become caught up in the story associated with the emotion - why we feel it, who is responsible, and how it could have been avoided. While there is a time and place for this inquiry, it can be useful to detach from the mindfulness of emotions when we are in the heat of them. We can practice this by becoming aware of what exactly is moving through us. Rather than saying to ourselves, "I am angry," which often leads to, "because..." we can instead simply notice what is present. Simply witness 'anger', 'grief', 'sadness', or whatever is the case as though it were a separate entity. Open to this energetic presence with compassion and curiosity, noticing if the mind intervenes with judgment. Come back to an open heart.

3. Feel into any bodily sensations that are present.

When we become caught up in mindfulness of emotions, we can open our awareness to the entire body. What do we notice? Where do we sense increased or decreased activity? Even numbness can be observed. Feeling into the way the emotion presents itself in the body can help us to create some sort of distance in-between ourselves and the energy moving through us. As we practice creating this distance, strengthening our awareness of it, we come to realize that our emotions are just a happening that can be witnessed from a quieter, more peaceful place.

4. Become aware of the impermanence of this state.

Feelings, thoughts, and sensations all come and go; such is the nature of life. When mindfulness of emotions rise, we can heighten our awareness of the transitory nature of our experience. Through this opening to the flow of our emotions, we become less consumed by them. We start to loosen our grip on the beliefs we hold about them. We come to realize that we are not, in fact, our emotions; and through this realization we find strength to journey through the storm in our sails.

The signal of an emotion describes the universal ways that emotion is displayed in the face and/or voice. There can also be other vocal tone changes and body language indicators, but these are not included here because they are often culturally informed and learned as opposed to universal.

The message is what the emotion is telling us. Mindfulness of emotions have a message that is a response to the world around us.

Moods are longer-lasting cousins of an emotion that cause us to feel the related emotion repeatedly without any clear trigger.

Certain personality traits are related to specific mindfulness of emotions.

Each emotion relates to distinct psychopathologies, which describe persistent behaviors that interfere with one's ability to function.

A tendency to cause physical or verbal harm in inappropriate contexts. Anger may be out of control, or passive but persistently preoccupying.

Actions can be intrinsic (without conscious intent) or intentional (an active attempt to enact change), or both.

Impediments and Antidotes

Here are some ways to counteract emotional states. Impediments involve blocking a positive emotion; antidotes involve reversing negative ones.

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Learn how to navigate mindfulness of emotions. Discover the impediments and antidotes to emotions like anxiety, anger, fear, and sadness.

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How to Be Mindful of Your Emotions: 7 Ways

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Mindfulness can help you process and manage tough emotions. Here’s how.

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This four-step practice helps you recognize your emotions so you can respond, not react, to challenging situations.

Most people who come to meditation are looking for respite from what is sometimes called the "monkey mind"-the perpetual, hyperactive (and often self-destructive) whirl of thoughts and feelings everyone undergoes. But the truth is that meditation does not eradicate mental and emotional turmoil. Rather, it cultivates the space and gentleness that allow us intimacy with our experiences so that we can relate quite differently to our cascade of emotions and thoughts. That different relationship is where freedom lies.

The RAIN Practice

RAIN is an acronym for a practice specifically geared to ease emotional confusion and suffering. When a negative or thorny feeling comes up, we pause, remember the four steps cued by the letters, and begin to pay attention in a new way.

R - Recognize: It is impossible to deal with an emotion-to be resilient in the face of difficulty-unless we acknowledge that we're experiencing it. So the first step is simply to notice what is coming up. Suppose you've had a conversation with a friend that leaves you feeling queasy or agitated. You don't try to push away or ignore your discomfort. Instead, you look more closely. Oh, you might say to yourself, this feels like anger. Then this might be followed quickly by another thought: And I notice I am judging myself for being angry.

A - Acknowledge: The second step is an extension of the first-you accept the feeling and allow it to be there. Put another way, you give yourself permission to feel it. You remind yourself that you don't have the power to successfully declare, "I shouldn't have such hateful feelings about a friend," or "I've got to be less sensitive." Sometimes I ask students to imagine each thought and emotion as a visitor knocking at the door of their house. The thoughts don't live there; you can greet them, acknowledge them, and watch them go. Rather than trying to dismiss anger and self-judgment as "bad" or "wrong," simply rename them as "painful." This is the entry into self-compassion-you can see your thoughts and emotions arise and create space for them even if they are uncomfortable. You don't take hold of your anger and fixate on it, nor do you treat it as an enemy to be suppressed. It can simply be.

As we get closer to it, an uncomfortable emotion becomes less opaque and solid. We focus less on labeling the discomfort and more on gaining insight.

I - Investigate: Now you begin to ask questions and explore your emotions with a sense of openness and curiosity. This feels quite different from when we are fuelled by obsessiveness or by a desire for answers or blame. When we're caught up in a reaction, it's easy to fixate on the trigger and say to ourselves, "I'm so mad at so-and-so that I'm going to tell everyone what he did and destroy him!" rather than examining the emotion itself. There is so much freedom in allowing ourselves to cultivate curiosity and move closer to a feeling, rather than away from it. We might explore how the feeling manifests itself in our bodies and also look at what the feeling contains. Many strong emotions are actually intricate tapestries woven of various strands. Anger, for example, commonly includes moments of sadness, helplessness, and fear. As we get closer to it, an uncomfortable emotion becomes less opaque and solid. We focus less on labeling the discomfort and more on gaining insight. Again, we do not wallow, nor do we repress. Remember that progress doesn't mean that the negative emotions don't come up. It's that instead of feeling hard as steel, they become gauzy, transparent, and available for investigation.

N - Non-identify: In the final step of RAIN, we consciously avoid being defined by (identified with) a particular feeling, even as we may engage with it. Feeling angry with a particular person, in a particular conversation, about a particular situation is very different from telling yourself, "I am an angry person and always will be." You permit yourself to see your own anger, your own fear, your own resentment-whatever is there-and instead of spiraling down into judgment ("I'm such a terrible person"), you make a gentle observation, something like, "Oh. This is a state of suffering." This opens the door to a compassionate relationship with yourself, which is the real foundation of a compassionate relationship with others.

By allowing ourselves this simple recognition, we begin to accept that we will never be able to control our experiences, but that we can transform our relationship to them. This changes everything.

We cannot will what thoughts and feelings arise in us. But we can recognize them as they are-sometimes recurring, sometimes frustrating, sometimes filled with fantasy, many times painful, always changing. By allowing ourselves this simple recognition, we begin to accept that we will never be able to control our experiences, but that we can transform our relationship to them. This changes everything.
Excerpted from the book REAL LOVE by Sharon Salzberg. Copyright © 2017 by Sharon Salzberg. Reprinted with permission from Flatiron Books. All rights reserved.

Releasing anger and frustration can actually help you regain control over a hectic day or win back productivity after feeling frazzled. But you have to do it with awareness. Read More

You can take your time and explore the RAIN meditation as a stand-alone practice or move through the steps in a more abbreviated way whenever challenging emotions arise. Read More

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RAIN: A Mindfulness Practice for Welcoming Your Emotions

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This four-step practice helps you recognize your emotions so you can respond, not react, to challenging situations.

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Anger Is Your Ally: A Mindful Approach to Anger | Juna Mustad | TEDxWabashCollege

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We all experience anger. Managed in healthy ways, anger can be a positive thing-a red flag that something's wrong, a catalyst for change, a good self-motivator. Handled poorly, anger can cause health and relationship problems.

For many, especially those who didn't have positive role models for anger management while growing up, dealing with anger can be confusing; it's hard to know what to do with such a powerful and potentially destructive emotion.

Examining your anger and using other anger management techniques can positively impact your health, relationships, and overall happiness.﻿﻿ It's simple to do. Here are some proven anger management strategies.

Understand Your Anger

Dealing with anger is much easier when you know what you're really angry about. Sometimes people may feel generally irritable because of stress, sleep deprivation, and other factors; more often, there's a more specific reason for the anger.﻿﻿

Either way, you can become more aware of what's behind your anger if you keep an anger journal (a record of what makes you angry throughout the day) for a few weeks, then talk it over with a good friend, or even see a therapist to uncover underlying sources of anger, if you find yourself stumped. Once you are more aware of your sources of anger, you can take steps to deal with it.

Express Yourself-Constructively

Research shows that writing about anger and expressing it constructively can help reduce negative mood and even pain, particularly if the writing leads to 'meaning-making,' or speculation into the causes of the anger.﻿﻿

This research, as well as other research on the benefits of journaling, supports the effectiveness of writing down your feelings and working through them on paper. The written expression of anger allows you to actively do something with your anger rather than just letting it make you feel bad.﻿﻿

Take Action

Your anger is telling you something. The first part of dealing with anger, as discussed, is examining it and listening to what it's telling you about your life. The next part involves taking action. Knowing why you're upset can go a long way, but eliminating your anger triggers and fixing problems that make you angry are equally important.﻿﻿

Don't Obsess

Ruminating on your anger isn't actually helpful. Studies show that, among other things, those who have a tendency to ruminate over situations that have made them angry in their past tend to experience higher blood pressure as a result, putting them at greater risk for organ damage and associated health problems.﻿﻿ Trying to solve a problem is a good idea, but stewing in your anger is not. Mindfulness meditation is a proven strategy for minimizing rumination.﻿﻿

Don't Over-Talk It

Discussing your anger is a tricky thing. Talking about your anger with a trusted friend can be an effective strategy for dealing with anger-to a point. It can help you better understand your feelings, brainstorm problem-solving strategies, and strengthen your relationship.

However, there's also evidence that repeatedly discussing topics that make you angry with your friends can actually make you both feel worse, and increase stress hormones in your blood.﻿﻿ If you're dealing with anger by talking to friends about it, it's best to minimize how much you discuss the situation, exploring solutions as well as your feelings.

Most of us have been involved in conversations that are basically complaint sessions or downward spirals of negative emotion; it's best to change the subject to a happier topic before it gets that far. If you find yourself wanting to talk a lot about what is making you angry, it might be a good idea to schedule a few sessions with a therapist, who may have some effective ideas on dealing with anger.﻿﻿

A Word From Verywell

If you're struggling to manage your anger, or if your anger is causing problems in your life, you may want to consider professional help. Sometimes, mental health issues like depression or anxiety can contribute to anger management problems. Talk to your physician about a referral to a therapist or even an anger management class.

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Dealing With Anger in a Healthy Way Is Crucial

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We all experience anger. Managed in healthy ways, anger can be a positive thing-a red flag that something's wrong, a catalyst for change, a good self-motivator. Handled poorly, anger can cause health and relationship problems. For many, especially those who didn't have positive role models for anger management while growing up, dealing with anger can be confusing; it's hard to know what to do with such a powerful and potentially destructive emotion.

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Amazon Best Sellers: Best Anger Management Self Help

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Discover the best Anger Management Self Help in Best Sellers. Find the top 100 most popular items in Amazon Books Best Sellers.

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Anger is amongst one of the most destructive emotions that we humans often experience. People must begin to take help for their anger management. Interestingly, one doesn't necessarily need to see a therapist, and there are plenty of Anger Management Apps people can use.

Anger is good only for destroying opportunities, relations, and one's peace. Despite knowing what anger may lead to, humans often find themselves angry and frustrated. The support of family and friends, along with awareness, can help anyone fix anger issues.

It's like they can't control themselves and their emotions for most people, and as a result, they get angry. And anger makes people feel disconnected from the world. When angry, most people are prone to misbehave with their friends or family.

The side effects of anger are many, and it only harms the people. When one is angry, inappropriate behavior may lead them to take harsh steps like ending a relationship with someone close.

While anger might not seem like a huge problem, a large section of our society struggles with poor anger management.

While technology has evolved drastically, it has also made it easier to manage anger. Now, people with anger issues can simply use a bunch of applications on their mobile devices to manage their angst. Most of these apps use soothing techniques to help their users take control of emotions.

While meditation is a great tool to control one's emotions, it might not always be feasible. In comparison, one may use mobile applications to manage anger at any time, from anywhere.

However, these apps may not replace professional help as a professional is much more trained and qualified.

One may see, app stores are flooded with apps that claim to help manage anger. However, there are only a handful of useful apps to control anger.

To ensure that you choose the right app, we've reviewed some of the best anger management apps just for you.

Best Anger Management Apps: Our Top Pick 👌👌

1. Calm: Editor Choice Anger Management App 🤴

Calm, an app trusted by millions for help regarding sleeping, meditation, and relaxing. The app features various step by step meditation for managing stress, anxiety, and anger. Users can set customized timers for most of the meditations listed on the Calm app.

Some of the most reliable and effective meditation programs include Deep Sleep, Focus and Concentration, Calming Anxiety, and more.

Each meditation program is customized for users in various stages of life. The app also has guided meditation for college students with the name mindfulness at college.

Apart from these guided meditations, the app also features stories that can help users fall asleep. Users can choose the length of the program anywhere between 7 days and 21 days. The app also sends reminders to help users continue their routine.

Top experts from various backgrounds recommend Calm, a sleeping, meditation, and relaxing app, as one of the best anger management apps.

Users can choose their level between beginner, intermediate, and expert as per one's familiarity with meditation. The app will then suggest programs based on the user's response.

1. The app includes masterclass sessions from expert psychologists and other professionals. The masterclasses are available for various topics and can help users improve themself in a variety of fields. Users can also download masterclasses for offline use.

2. Users can also listen to music from their favorite artists using the Calm app. It gives users the ability to explore new songs based on their mood.

3. Kids and teenagers can also use the calm app to manage their anger, anxiety, and stress.

4. To help users build great habits and take total control of their emotions, the Calm app also allows them to track their progress.

5. There are various breathing exercises that users can do regularly to get rid of their anger issues.

1. Some of the content on the app requires users to have a subscription.

2. Sometimes the app might misbehave and send notifications and reminders at frequent intervals.

3. The charges for premium content might be beyond the budget of some users.
Download on Google Play Store Download on Apple App Store
2. Sanvello for Anxiety, Depression, and Stress

Sanvello is a power-packed app for stressed, anxious, and depressed people. The app features therapy sessions, coaching, and self-care tools to help users deal with their anger or anxiety. Sanvello works using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to manage the problems of the users.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can help experts deal with the stress, anxiety, and anger of their patients. The Sanvello app creates a fusion of CBT and technology to help its users.

As per data from the app, 60 percent of the users felt a change in their overall mental health.

The app also has a community of around 3 million users. Sanvello's community is a great place for users to indulge in active discussions and group chats on a variety of issues. The significant part is, Sanvello keeps the user identity as Anonymous during the group discussions.

The user interface of the Sanvello app is beautifully designed, and the theme itself is so relaxing. One may use the app to instantly control their anger and protect their relationships from the adverse effects of anger.

The community interactions, on the other hand, are warming, and most members are generous. Sanvello's community makes the app stand out as one of the most promising anger management apps.

1. The techniques provided in the app are clinically proven and tested. The self-care tools are carefully crafted to ensure users can cope up with their emotions.

2. Users can practice mindfulness with a variety of guided meditations. The activity tracker can help users check their progress regularly.

3. The live interactive therapy sessions are great for users who struggle to share their emotions with friends and family.

4. One can also improve their public speaking skills with some of the activities mentioned in the app.

1. Some of the features listed in the Sanvello app might not work for users outside the United States. Even features like Therapy is available in select US states.

2. Sometimes users may face issues using their Gmail to create an account on Sanvello App.
Download on Google Play Store
3. HeadSpace: Meditation and Sleep
Download on Apple App Store
With over ten million users, Head Space is one of the most trusted anger management apps. With meditation, users can create better habits and control their emotions to lead a better life.

The HeadSpace app guides users with step by step meditation practices and helps them focus and stay calm.

Simple breathing practices performed regularly for about ten to twenty minutes can change one's outlook on life and mental health.

Head Space is home to various calming, meditative programs and practices that are effective and simple. One would feel better, lighter, and confident after doing the suggested exercises carefully.

Users who find it difficult to fall asleep may also use the HeadSpace app to get help with sleeping. There are numerous meditations for users struggling with a poor sleeping pattern. Additionally, the app also has a collection of soothing sounds that can help users sleep better.

Users can also motivate their friends or family members by sharing their daily progress. The progress tracker of headspace is an excellent tool for users to stay motivated.

To help beginners meditate better, the co-founder of the app provides tips to the users as their personal coach.

1. As the app has tons of meditation programs for all age groups, even kids can also use it for mindfulness. There are programs focusing on kids to help them focus better and sleep well.

2. The app also includes various breathing exercises for a calming experience during a tough day.

3. The co-founder's support for newbies to get started on the path of mindfulness is a great way to motivate people.

4. Users can also avail SOS sessions with experts from Head Space. SOS Sessions intend to provide relief to the users during their emotional breakdowns.

1. There are plenty of helpful features that are only available to users who have a monthly subscription.

2. Some issues might struggle while creating a new account on the app. However, the technical team seems promising to resolve any such problems at the earliest.

4. MindDoc: Mood Tracker for Depression & Anxiety
Download on Google Play Store
MindDoc is a journal for people who have anger or anxiety issues. One can record their feelings in the journal, and it tracks down how a user is feeling. Once a user's answers are analyzed, the MindDoc suggests various exercises users can perform to make their situation better.
Download on Apple App Store
MindDoc can be great to cure mild symptoms of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem. The reports of the Mind Doc app can be shared with professional therapists or Psychologists. Users can also use the journal to explain how they feel at a point in time.

The MindDoc journal gives important insights into one's behavior and emotions. These insights can help users understand themselves better and take control of their emotions.

It's one of those anger management apps that help users understand why they feel a certain way.

The audio and visual exercises suggested in the app for the users have a soothing and relaxing impact on most issues.

The user interface of the MindDoc app is clean and doesn't confuse users with complex processes. Features like Discover the app is helpful for users to explore more exercises and therapies on the app.

1. Scientists and psychotherapists design the MindDoc app. The app tries to create awareness about mental health and provide instant help for mild symptoms.

2. Since psychotherapists and scientists design it, the programs suggested by the app are powerful, effective, and trustworthy.

3. The monitoring feature of the MindDoc journal is impressive and works efficiently to detect symptoms.

4. The insights generated by the app can help users understand what triggers their mental health. The insights also include mindful practices that can help users stay calm.

1. Some features of the MindDoc app are locked. Users need to spend their money to unlock the full potential of the app.

2. Kids might not be able to improve their mental health with the help of the Mind Doc app.

At the time of our research on Best Anger Management Apps, we found a video about " A JAPANESE METHOD TO RELAX IN 5 MINUTES " which is worth watching.

Over a million users have control of their anxiety, anger, or depression with the BetterHelp app. The app has over 10,000 trained experts who are eager to help users with anxiety or depression issues.
Download on Google Play Store
Experts on the BetterHelp app can also provide users with CBT and DBT therapy. Not many apps out there provide Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and BetterHelp experts are a blessing.
Download on Apple App Store
One may use BetterHelp, one of the most trusted anger management apps, to get experts' help for their Stress, Anxiety, OCD, and more. Users may also choose to have live interactive sessions of therapy with the experts.

There's no limit on how many sessions a user may have with their therapist on the BetterHelp app. Moreover, all the sessions are kept secret between the user and the therapist.

1. Users can effortlessly get help for their mental health from expert therapists and counselors. Moreover, users don't need to visit a clinic to talk to a mental health expert.

2. The app aims to help mental health issues like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anger, Stress, and Social Anxiety.

3. Experts provide customized suggestions for each user.

4. BetterHelp app also conducts web seminars to help users understand more about mental health. These webinars are conducted with an aim to educate more and more users about mental health.

1. The app doesn't have the features like guided meditations to help users soothe their anxiety or stress.

2. People who hesitate to communicate on video calls might not be able to use the app to its full potential.

6. 7 Cups: Anxiety & Stress Chat

7 Cups is another one of the most trusted and reliable anger management apps. Users can take help with their mental health issues like anger, depression, stress, and anxiety.
Download on Google Play Store
The app features a variety of tools for mindfulness and the user's overall well-being. The app claims to provide free mental health solutions. However, some features are locked and require users to pay for them.
Download on Apple App Store
The 7 Cups app has trained listeners who work with the users and understand their condition. Once the listener has all the information about the user's condition, they recommend various exercises and mindfulness meditations.

All the experts on the app are either trained listeners or licensed therapists. The users can be sure they'll get help from professionals when they use the 7 Cups app. Users can be worry-free as the app ensures full protection of the user data.

1. Users can choose the listener they want to talk with and share their experiences. This feature lets users take control and only talk with users they feel would be good enough.

2. 7 Cups users can also choose to hide their identity and stay anonymous with the listeners. This feature comes in handy for shy people.

3. It's free to speak to a listener on the 7 Cups app.

4. Users who decide to text their listeners can also do so without fearing that the app stores their data. All the chats are deleted to ensure data protection.

1. Users who wish to speak to therapists might need to spend some money on therapy.

2. The graphics of the app could have been better and more relaxing.

People with anger issues often feel anxious or doing something that might ruin things for them. Millions of users trust simple Habit as they go to anger management apps.

Users can find numerous guided meditations and therapy sessions for fighting depression and anxiety. The coaches on the Simple Habit app are former monks and renowned experts of mental health.

The experience and expertise of the experts can help users relax and feel less anxious. Users can customize their meditation plans for anywhere between five to twenty minutes.
Download on Google Play Store
If users feel demotivated or emotionally drained, they can also get motivation sessions from the experts. There's a lot of coaching stuff available on the Simple Habit app.
Download on Apple App Store
The app also features podcasts from mental health experts, and these podcasts make the standout from most anger management apps.

With the app's interactive user-interface, users can also track their progress on the path of better mental health. The app can help users create great habits to change their lives.

1. Users of the Simple Habit app can also develop effective leadership skills with various leadership programs included in the app.

2. Regular use of the simple habit app can lead uses to better mental health and healthier intra-personal relationships.

3. One can always stay positive with the help of various exercises given in the Simple Habit app.

4. The Simple Habit app is easy to use.

1. Some of the most effective features of the app are locked. And, the users need to pay EFI to unlock them.

2. Some meditations included in the app might play automatically and may annoy the users.

8. Self Help For Anxiety Management

Anxiety Management is crucial to avoid negative emotions and feelings. People often struggle with anxiety, stress, and depression. To help students, professionals, couples cope with anxiety, the University of West England designed the SAM app.
Download on Google Play Store
SAM or Self Help for Anxiety Management is among those anger management apps that reflect on the user's mental health issues. The app can trace what triggers the user and makes them feel anxious, stressed, or angry.
Download on Apple App Store
Various techniques are listed on the SAM app to help users deal with mild stress or anger. One may use the app to develop their knowledge about mental health and deal with their own stress.

The SAM app is created by professional psychologists and trained experts keen to help others improve their mental health. Moreover, the app is easy to use with a great user-interface.

Pros of Self Help for Anxiety Management:-

1. Professional psychologists create the Self Help for Anxiety App. One can be assured that they will get the best help.

2. Users can also share their stories and experiences with other users on the app. The experience sharing can be done while staying anonymous.

3. Users also get guidance from top experts on how they can practice self-help to tackle mental health issues.

4. The app is user-friendly.

Cons of Self Help for Anxiety Management:-

1. Users cannot find guided meditations to manage their anger.

2. Teenagers and kids might find it challenging to understand and manage their mental health issues using the SAM app.

Anger Management Apps are a blessing for people who suffer from mental health issues. One may rely on these apps to deal with moderate symptoms of depression, anger, and anxiety because some apps have highly-qualified experts.

Users get the freedom to explore various apps and stick with a few that work best for them. Ultimately, the goal is to keep good mental health to live life to the fullest.
Download on Google Play Store Download on Apple App Store

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9 Of The Best Anger Management Apps in 2021- Reviewed 🤴

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Anger is amongst one of the most destructive emotions that we humans often experience. People must begin to take help for their anger management. Interestingly, one doesn't necessarily need to see a therapist, and there are plenty of Anger Management Apps people can use. Anger is good only for destroying opportunities, relations, and one's peace.

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Cristina Santiago: What Can You Learn from Sadness?

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In Cristina's talk, she describes her sadness as a person who visits her to teach her something. This is a radical reframing of sadness - one which may provide fascinating insights into your own heart and soul. The idea worth sharing? Sadness can be a profound teacher if we make a courageous attempt to listen.

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We independently research, test, review, and recommend the best products. Healthcare professionals review articles for medical accuracy. Learn more about our process. If you buy something through our links, we may earn a commission.

Depression affects both the mind and the body and is much more than just feeling sad for a while. Depression squashes motivation for even the simplest of tasks and creates feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Depression is like a barometer: it tells us that something is wrong, but it doesn't tell us what is wrong. Complicating the condition is the fact that it is experienced differently by each person, so an individualized treatment plan is essential for recovery.

Self-help books can be a useful tool in the overall picture of successful treatment. They can be used alone but shouldn't substitute for treatment options like talk therapy and medication. Self-help books can even help to speed up the positive effects of talk therapy as self-study efforts provide added topics for processing in the therapy room.

Here is a list of the best books for depression, according to experts.

What to Look for in Books About Depression

Easy to Read

How many times have you picked up a self-help book only to feel overwhelmed by the language or not quite compelled enough to continue turning the pages? When looking for a book about depression, choose one that resonates with you and keeps you engaged. Gentle, understanding text that's infused with real-world anecdotes, humor, and analogies is often easier to read.

Expert Advice

While it's helpful to hear perspectives on depression from a spectrum of people, it's often best to choose a book penned by a mental health expert. A mental health expert is someone who has been medically trained, has personal experience working with many types of people with depression, and has likely put in thousands of hours into the topic.

Helpful Techniques

Walking away from a book more equipped to understand, handle, and help cope with depression means that your time was well-spent reading those pages. Books written by credentialed mental health practitioners often contain a handful of effective techniques to help with the above. What's more, many of these techniques are based on science and research, which means they're evidence-based versus opinion.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is reading good for depression?

Yes, reading books on depression can help in several different ways. They can help you feel like you're finally understood and seen, and many include helpful techniques to help you work through complex feelings.

Generally speaking, reading any sort of book may help you feel better. It can help you feel calmer, take your mind off stressors, and even has long-term benefits related to memory and cognition.

Further, a study published in the Mental Health in Family Medicine found that consistent reading improved mental health and had antidepressant effects.

That said, books aren't considered a treatment for depression, nor is it a replacement for speaking with a therapist.

Can I still read books for depression even though I don't have a diagnosis?

Yes, you can read books about depression whether you've been diagnosed or not. Doing so may help you better understand your feelings and work through them. It may even inspire you to visit a mental health practitioner, or the reading may be useful for conversations you have with an existing therapist.

Also, reading books about depression-even if you've personally never felt depressed-can help you empathize with others who do experience depression. This can strengthen your relationships with those you care about and help you understand what depression is from a more nuanced point of view.

Why Trust Verywell Mind

As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with over 15 years of experience working with clients who struggle with mental health issues, Mary K. Tatum, MS, LMHC understands the importance of finding quality resources and techniques that work for each person. Not everyone will have the same kind of healing journey, so having lots of options to choose from is vitally important to creating a lifestyle that combats depression symptoms.

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The 11 Best Books for Depression, According to an Expert

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We independently research, test, review, and recommend the best products. Healthcare professionals review articles for medical accuracy. Learn more about our process. If you buy something through our links, we may earn a commission. Depression affects both the mind and the body and is much more than just feeling sad for a while.

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It’s OK to Be Sad: 6 Reasons and How to Manage Sadness

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Sadness can feel uncomfortable, but exploring this emotion can have many benefits. Here’s what the research says.

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Are you feeling unmotivated and sad? How find joy in life again? It's easier than you think.

Have you noticed how, sometimes, sadness just clings to you? There's a good reason. Yes, you read that right: if you're sad, there's a good reason. And, it may surprise you to know that what triggered the sadness isn't always the same as the reason you're sad.

You won't be sad forever, but, at this moment, it's perfectly OK to be sad. For now, please accept the sadness you feel, as if it is a gift you don't want, given by someone who cares. Please don't resist the feeling; just go with it...for now.

Accept the Sadness?

Yes. Accept the sadness, and accept how unmotivated you feel because of it. These two things go together: sadness slows us down. Why?

Unlike fear and anger, which can arrive like an electric shock and startle us into action, sadness has a different effect. Sadness is supposed to slow us down, to make us take time to reflect on the trigger that made us sad. Maybe it's the death of someone who was close. Maybe it's troublesome world issues. Whatever the sadness trigger, the unmotivated feeling that goes along with it is perfectly normal. We're supposed to take time with sadness.

You - feeling unmotivated and sad - are doing it perfectly. That's exactly right.

But I've been sad for so long, you say. How can this be a good thing?

Just accept it. That's how it is. There's no "correct" optimal amount of time to be sad. The length of time we spend with that feeling is as varied as all of us are.
Music Quest Discovery. Courage in sadness.
Judgment-Neutral Acceptance

We all have the tendency to make some kind of judgment about how we feel as if our feelings were flavors of ice cream that we enjoy or not. Feelings such as sadness tend to have a lot of judgment about them, but hitting some kind of internal "like" or "ignore" button on our sadness isn't being judgment-neutral. It's important to be discerning, but acceptance doesn't require you to swipe left or right on a feeling.

For example, when my Dad died, I expected to be really sad. I found that I wasn't as sad as I thought I ought to be, which seemed weirdly wrong. That was me being judgmental rather than accepting. Then, sometime later, a silly unrelated thing triggered me and I wept inconsolably. Of course, it took me a little time to figure out that I was finally weeping for my Dad, and that I'd begun to accept the sadness Dad's passing held for me...without trying to decide if I was doing it right or if it was good to cry.

When I stopped trying to fit into some way that I believed grief was supposed to fit me - being in judgment of myself for not feeling what I believed I was supposed to feel - grief found a way into me and gave me a healthy expression (weeping).

Accept without judgment and allow the feeling to be fully realized and expressed. Both those things are necessary, whether the feeling is fear, anger, sadness, or joy.

How to Trigger Sadness, Safely and Effectively

Part of my job as a musician is to make music that triggers feelings. When I do that well, the feelings in the music trigger me, too.

If you feel connected to the music I play for you, we share those triggers and their associated feelings. This works in live performance and in private listening. However you choose to hear music, it's a safe and effective way to trigger feelings. In fact, music is one of the most ubiquitous feeling triggers we have, but, like a demanding toddler or a persistent boss, music requires that we bring our focus to it to maximize what it holds for us.

When I got triggered by that innocuous thing and cried heartily about losing my Dad, I recognized that I had a whole lifetime of unexpressed grief about Dad stored up inside. Those accumulated feelings from my whole life were beginning to find ways to get out, and my job was to allow that to happen. When I started doing that, I also realized I was on my way to joy.

Sad Songs

There are songs that make me really sad. When I take the time to really listen to them, and most importantly, allow the sadness to rise up inside me, those songs become pathways through sadness to what's on the other side. Often, that's joy.

Do any of your favorite songs do that for you? If so, take a few minutes to listen to them deeply. Do that in a place where you won't be disturbed, where you feel safe to cry or get angry or just be in acceptance of whatever feelings arrive. Listen without judgment. Allow yourself to be with the music and with however it triggers you. Cry, sing, yell, dance, pray...just allow it all.

Music is just one way to trigger sadness. You may find that a walk in the forest, or along the beach, or connecting in some way with nature can trigger sadness for you. Mostly, a sadness of this kind is meant to be a solitary experience, but you may be more comfortable in a communal place: kneeling in church or attending a concert. Funerals, memorials, and wakes are supposed to be safe places to experience sadness. Be curious about what works best for you, and don't judge yourself if something doesn't. Just keep searching for the safe, effective way that triggers sadness for you.

"But I always feel sad," you say. I get it. That's me, too.

When Sadness Never Goes Away

We need to take a detour here for a few minutes because there are lots of us who feel that our sadness will never go away.

Some of us carry so much sadness that it feels like we never could know joy. The only healthy way to be with that kind of overwhelming sadness is acceptance. You can't medicate those deep feelings...that only covers them up. Ignoring, meditating, or working hard to suppress deep feelings isn't good, either; feelings find ways to express themselves anyhow.

For example, my adolescent depression has followed me for the rest of my life. I believe that depression was the result of suppressing my anger. Learning to allow anger instead of stuffing it away has been a lifelong practice. I put some of that practice into music, but acceptance of anger, for me, has been difficult.

The practice of accepting my anger is much easier, though, when I allow my anger to be expressed safely (without breaking things and hurting people), and still remain judgment-neutral. Some things are supposed to make us angry, right? Just like some things are supposed to make us sad. When I learned how to have an accurate experience of the feelings of anger I started my release from feelings of depression.

Persistent sadness, like my persistent anger, is a cry for acceptance. Instead of thinking "I shouldn't be sad all the time," or "When will this sadness ever go away?" it's better to welcome the feeling, even if it's unwanted. Allow the feeling; go deeply and safely into it; see if there are any unexplored places in the feeling that need your attention.

When feelings persist that way, it saves some time, since we don't have to find a trigger for them. That's time we can spend on acceptance rather than resisting the unwanted feeling, and acceptance leads to transformation.

Many chronically sad people have found ways to make that feeling useful. Artists, musicians, and makers use those feelings to fuel their creativity. Others find a safe expression and exploration of their feelings in a hobby that seems unrelated to their profession, but actually keeps them safely connected to feelings they'd rather not have.

For people, like me, whose unwanted feelings seem to never go away, there's an additional sort of crazy thing that happens: we learn to fake it in public. We figure out how to appear joyful around other people so that they won't worry about how we really feel. Yes, I know: other people - especially those who are close to me - sometimes see right through me and my bad acting! But I've learned to appear as good as possible in the wild while I privately - sometimes internally while I'm acting in the wild - practice acceptance. I've learned how to get gold from the feelings I don't want.

Yes: there's gold there...even in overwhelming or persistent feelings you and I don't want. I find the commitment to "acting as if" even in small ways creates opportunities for the act to morph into authenticity, improving my odds to strike it rich with joy.

Now we can rejoin the next main point of this article: finding joy.

Beautiful Opposites

Whether you intentionally trigger sad feelings or find them omnipresent, acceptance of the sadness gift may seem strange. Some lucky few of us are brought up to embrace sadness as one of the amazing capabilities we have, but the majority of us are taught to judge our feelings - whatever they are - into two categories: "like" or "ignore."

Swipe left, or swipe right. Good and bad. Sound familiar?

Here's another pair of opposites: sadness and joy.

There's an implication, isn't there, that sadness is somehow "bad" and joy is somehow "good."

Physiologically, both of those feelings are simply responses to a stimulus: one set of neurotransmitters goes along with feeling sad, and another, somewhat different set of neurotransmitters goes along with feeling joy.

The Physiology of Feeling

At their root, feelings are really only physiology, and physiology doesn't judge. Physiology - in this case, our lizard brain or amygdala - only "cares" about keeping us safe, well fed, and procreative. Not much has changed since that part of our brain began responding to stimuli several millennia ago.

I understand good feels better than bad. Sadness isn't pleasant. But here's the thing: if sadness is what I've got, I'd better get comfortable with it, allow it to work on me, and see if there's anything in it that needs to be "processed." When I learn the authentic reason for that sadness, I can grieve it properly, or use it as a tool to energize me or share it with others who are sad for the same reason. If we allow ourselves to be sad on purpose, with purpose, we accelerate our arrival at joy. That's the process.

So take a cue from physiology and encouragement from the Old Masters (who have been processing sadness this way in ancient philosophy and religion and art and politics since humans grew a neocortex to do so): accept sadness the way you would accept joy.

They say that "having a good cry" is healthy, and I believe it is. Feelings come and go, and, as much as we'd like to hang on to the ones we like for longer, our human systems are built to respond to our environment in ways that protect us from harm (thank you, amygdala!), and only serious training and practice can override our built-in responses. Think of pro athletes or Special Operations combat warriors whose training helps them perform at the top of their game in the face of fear and adversity. What would your training for peak performance with sadness look like? For joy?

If you've never been joyful before, it can feel strange the first time you really, consciously, embody joy. That's where I was as a young adult. I'd been told all my life to be happy, but I really didn't know how that felt. I was really good at sadness and depression - I gave myself lots of practice with those feelings - but I didn't have a joy practice. When I learned how to practice joy, everything changed.

That all changes right now for you, too.

A Joy Practice

I found that I had a superpower I could use to let others be joyful. I could make music that made other people laugh, smile, feel relaxed and happy. (You can read more about that in this article.) Once I made that connection, I started to use my practice more responsibly. I looked for opportunities to make music for people. As I began to use my superpower this way, I started to feel joy.

That's right: the practice of triggering joy in others had the effect of triggering my own joy, too. More important to me was that I had discovered a way to create joy!

There's plenty of evidence that we must first give what we expect to receive, and my experience confirms that, for me, this is true. I suspect it's true for you, too.

My practice of joy - or more correctly, the practice of triggering joy in others - was still only a small part of what I felt most of the time. It still is today, but it's a bigger percentage than it was when I started this practice. I improve through sheer determination.

And the sadness? I've found that allowing - accepting - the sad feelings when they come or triggering them intentionally are great ways to keep all that sadness from building up inside me. Many therapists have been supportive of this process - how I let go of sadness by allowing it to flow through me. The same process works for fear and anger as well as sadness.

Joy is Still Fleeting

As much as I love feeling joy, I've also gotten comfortable with how fleeting joy can be. My joy isn't very durable, yet. Fear, anger, or my old friend, sadness, can wipe out my joy in an instant.

What do I do? First, I allow the invading feeling to be fully felt - without hurting anyone or breaking things - and then offer myself a judgment-neutral opportunity to accept whatever feeling comes next. If I am free to choose the next feeling I want (which I wish was more of the time!) I try to choose a feeling I like.

Here's an example. Road rage? After I get steamed up (it's important to allow the anger!) I choose compassion and drive more defensively. No one else on the road should have to be impacted by an inconsiderate driver, especially me.

Sadness and Joy in Real Life

The world news is all bad. The kids are sick, but not sick enough to stay home from school. No one's done their homework and it's time to head out the door and I've just remembered the work I didn't finish last night is due today. I'm running distressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and sad that it always seems like this. Every morning. Even on the weekends, there's always some demand or another. Where is there any time for joy? How can I practice in the middle of this mess?

Lots of triggers there. It's important to feel them all fully. That could mean taking an extra thirty seconds before starting the car, just to let all the emotional stuff flow through and go. It will seem impossible at first, but, with time and practice, your ability will improve and the time it takes to exercise it will decrease.

Ninja-level practitioners of sadness and joy in the wild, like Tony Robbins, have taken this to the level of fine art. You can watch Tony at work in a documentary called " I Am Not Your Guru," and I promise you that, even if you only have time to watch the first few minutes, it will inspire you.

And you deserve inspiration.

You have taken a step closer to joy by reading this article. Now, you have practical ways to use sadness, even overwhelming sadness, to fuel your acceptance on your way to joy.

Stuck? Let Us Help.

We all could use a little help now and then! Feeling unmotivated and sad can be a lonely place as you start a joy practice. Accountability and a fellow traveler often help. You can do this. And you're not alone. You can work alongside us to help supercharge your process by engaging healing music - music you love - for your wellness. Schedule a consultation here.

Or, perhaps you're ready for a deeper dive? The Music Care Quest, a fully-mentored online active-learning experience will immerse you in practical ways to meet life's challenges with skills you may not realize you already have. It's not for everybody, but you are that unique individual who really resonates with the power of music and wants to learn to wield it with skill, give it a try. The landing page is here.

Finally, if nothing is working and you want to find clinical assistance, this is a good place to start.

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Feeling Unmotivated And Sad? How To Find Joy In Life Again

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Are you feeling unmotivated and sad? How find joy in life again? It's easier than you think. Have you noticed how, sometimes, sadness just clings to you? There's a good reason. Yes, you read that right: if you're sad, there's a good reason.

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The fear of threat, or anxiety, is like a strong gust of wind. It drags you in and makes you want to fight it or run away.

Instead, face your fear with the free Clear Fear app and learn to reduce the physical responses to threat as well as changing thoughts and behaviours and releasing emotions.

Anxiety is a natural response to fear, threat and apprehension. However, when anxiety is extreme or goes on for a long time, or the response to a threat is disproportionately large and affects a person negatively, it may become an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders are the most common form of emotional disorder and respond very well to a form of treatment called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT.
When you face your fear, you will reduce the threat and glide.

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Clear Fear is the latest app from award-winning teenage mental health charity stem4.

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How to use anger as a force for good | Marcia Reynolds | TEDxAtlanta

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What is anger?

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Three animated clouds are next to each other, the first cloud has lots of punching fists coming out if it with the words underneath highlighted in yellow: 'outward aggression'. The second cloud has marks on its cheeks, aiming punches towards itself with the words highlighted in yellow underneath 'inward aggression', the third cloud looks fed up and has thunderbolts around it, the words underneath highlighted in yellow read: 'passive aggression'.

Anger is one of a range of emotions that we all experience. It's ok and perfectly normal to feel angry about things that you have experienced.

Anger can start to become a problem when you express it through unhelpful or destructive behaviour - either towards yourself or other people. It can also contribute to you developing mental health problems, like depression and anxiety, or make existing problems worse.

If you find yourself doing these sorts of things, it might be a sign that you need some support:

hitting or physically hurting other people

shouting at people

breaking things

losing control

spending time with people who get you into trouble

constantly ending relationships or getting in trouble at school or work

Types of aggression

Do you often find yourself being aggressive towards other people?

Are you frightening or worrying yourself, or those around you with your behaviour?

Do you tell yourself that you hate yourself, that you're useless, that you don't deserve things?

Do you shut yourself off from the world, deny yourself things that make you happy or self-harm?

Do you behave passive-aggressively towards other people? Do you ignore people, refuse to speak to them, or are you often sarcastic or sulky?

Why do I feel angry?

Everyone feels angry sometimes - and we all have different triggers. You may experience anger in situations where you feel powerless, or frustrated. This could be because of problems at home or school, or if you've fallen out with a friend, or had a break-up with a partner. You might start to feel angry if you feel misunderstood by people around you, like your parents, or if you are confused about your sexuality.

But sometimes, you can feel angry and not know why. This could be the result of lots of stress and different pressures building up around you. Or it could be because of something that happened to you in the past, like neglect or abuse. Recognising the types of situations which trigger your anger is the first step to figuring out what is causing it, and finding a way to make things better.
What happened the last time you were angry? We asked several people what anger feels like for them, and how they manage it.

How can anger affect me?

When we get angry, it can be hard to think things through - especially if that anger seems overwhelming or uncontrollable. And if we feel angry a lot of the time - in other words, if we get into constant patterns of thinking angry thoughts about ourselves or others - it's hard to take a step back and communicate in a healthy and productive way.

We may tense up and clench our teeth. Our hearts might pump faster, our stomachs might churn, and we may clench our fists. These are useful early warning signs that we are getting wound up.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognise just how much anger you are feeling, and how it is affecting you. This might be because you have lots of things going on in your life.

After getting angry about something you might start to feel guilty about it, and this can make you feel worse.

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The same young person wearing a black t-shirt holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry.

1. First of all, take a breath
2. Exercise helps me get some built-up frustration out of my system

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The same young person wearing a grey jumper holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. I talk about how I am feeling
2. I try and recognise I'm angry and listen to others

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The same young person has long brown hair and wears a yellow jumper, they hold three signs which read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. Putting on my favourite music really helps
2. Doing an action that helps me feel something different, like walking my dog

Tips for managing your anger

Issues with anger can lead to risky behaviour, refusing to go to school, isolation, eating problems, depression, and self-harm.

Drinking too much alcohol or taking drugs might be seen as ways of coping with anger issues, but remember they will make you feel worse and are likely to create bigger problems later.

Over time, you'll learn to manage your anger better yourself. When you feel angry or stressed you can try out different relaxation techniques to help you calm down, such as:

going for a walk

listening to music

taking deep breaths

doing some exercise

doing something you enjoy - skateboarding, painting, swimming

talking to someone about how you are feeling

playing computer games to take your mind off it

reading a book

having a hot bath

If you have a problem with someone, think about what you want to say beforehand and how you want to get your point across. Listen to their point of view and calmly put yours across too.

If you feel your anger levels rising, walk away from a situation to calm down, rather than saying or doing something you might regret later. You can learn to manage your anger and find techniques that work for you.

Our Activists share their anger management tips:

Read real stories about dealing with anger

Getting help for anger

If you often feel angry there are things you can do to help yourself. Other people can help too.

Talk about how you are feeling. Parents or carers and other family members, such as grandparents, may be good listeners. Your close friends and other family friends may be able to help.

At school, find a teacher, mentor, counsellor or school nurse who you trust. In the community, social workers, youth workers and leaders will also be able to listen.

You can also see your GP. They may be able to suggest some treatment or recommend a counsellor.

Your GP may refer you to your child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS) where you would talk to a specialist about your feelings and behaviour. The specialist may advise you how to deal with these. They may also suggest counselling if there are problems or things that happened in the past that may be causing your anger issues now.

If counselling is your best option, the specialist arranges a series of confidential one-to-one sessions with a counsellor or therapist.

You can talk with them about concerns or problems you might have. The counsellor will help you work through your issues and give you skills and strategies to deal with your anger better. Find out more about what support you can get through counselling on our page.

If you are a parent or carer of a child or young person who has anger issues, take a look at our parents guide to anger advice page. We can also support you through our Parents Helpline. We are here to listen to you, and give you free, confidential advice and information.

Keep a note of how you're feeling:

What happened that made you angry?

How did you respond? Did it help?

How did you feel afterwards?

What else is on your mind? Is there something making you feel worried, scared or alone?

It helps to talk about how you're feeling. You could try saying:

"I've been feeling really wound up recently and I'm starting to think something might be wrong. Can I talk to you about it?"

"I want to talk to you about something that's been bothering me."

Here are some organisations and helpline services who can support you with what you're going through right now.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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What To Do If You Are Struggling With Anger

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We all feel angry sometimes, often for a good reason. But sometimes, we might be feeling angry a lot, or find it becomes uncontrollable or harmful.

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Anger can be a common emotion among people experiencing depression. You may feel angry at the world, angry about events from your past, or even angry at yourself. This anger can be intense and difficult to control, to the point that it worsens your depression and affects your personal and professional relationships.

What Is Depression?

Depression is more than just passing sadness. It is a diagnosable mental health disorder that involves feelings of low mood combined with other symptoms such as trouble concentrating or trouble sleeping. A diagnosis of major depressive disorder is made by a mental health professional according to the criteria laid out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

What Is Anger?

Anger is not a diagnosable mental health condition. Rather, it is an unpleasant emotion that may be experienced by those with various mental health disorders as well as the non-clinical population. While it is natural to feel angry from time to time, feeling uncontrollable or maladaptive anger, particularly when you also have depression, can be a sign of a deeper underlying problem.

Anger and Depression

Anger is a common emotion that can be destructive when it isn't responded to in an adaptive manner. In the case of depression, anger can take several different forms. Below are some examples of the types of anger you might experience while depressed.

Irritability

Irritability is a feature of depression itself, so it's not surprising that this form of anger is connected to depression. If you have depression, it may show up as snapping at others over trivial things or being unable to handle small disappointments without reacting in a negative way.

Hostility

Going a step beyond irritability, a person with depression who expresses their anger outward may become hostile toward others. This means responding not only with an irritable mood, but also being outwardly angry and attacking those around you.

Anger Attacks

Rapid and intense onset of anger (also sometimes called an " anger attack") can also be a feature of depression. These rapid onset attacks may come in response to trivial matters (e.g., seem to appear out of the blue).

Causes of Anger in Depression

What are the causes of anger related to depression? There is some evidence to suggest that serotonergic dysfunction may be partly to blame. In other words, the balance of neurochemicals in your brain may be off-kilter, leading to irritability, depression, and anger. For this reason, medications used to treat depression may also help to relieve your symptoms of anger.

Anger Turned Inward

Anger turned inward may be common in those who are depressed. This act of turning anger inward may also worsen the severity of depression, according to a 2013 study conducted in the UK﻿﻿﻿﻿ .

When you listen to your inner critic, you may feel even more depressed and find it hard to do things that will help to alleviate your depression (e.g., doing things that you once enjoyed; spending time with other people or going out and being social).

Instead, staying angry at yourself only prolongs your feelings of depression, makes you feel more sorry for yourself, and focuses your thoughts on the negative. This leads you to feel more powerless and negative over time.

In this way, anger turned inward at yourself serves to prolong depression and worsen the severity of your symptoms.

Anger Turned Outward

Not only do those who are depressed turn their anger inward, but they may also turn it outward and lash out at those around them.

When you are depressed, you are more likely to feel irritable, which can lead to snapping at other people over trivial events. Your depression may amplify your negative emotions in the moment, making it hard to control them, even though you likely feel badly about it after the fact.

You may find that this is a vicious cycle that you have trouble escaping from. Eventually, it may lead to problems in your personal and professional life. For example, if you are unable to deal with stress in the workplace, you might lash out in anger at coworkers, managers, or even customers.

And, if you struggle to control your anger around friends and family, you may find that this leads to strained relationships and the loss of people in your life.

Treatment for Angry Depression

Treatment for depression that is combined with anger is similar to treatments that exist for depression alone. In short, medication and therapy are both empirically validated treatments for depression that may also, at the same time, help to alleviate feelings of anger, hostility, and irritability.

Therapy

One specific type of therapy that may be helpful for angry depression is Emotionally Focused Therapy developed by psychologist Les Greenberg﻿﻿﻿. In this type of therapy, anger is viewed as being of two types: adaptive vs. non-adaptive.

Adaptive anger helps to motivate you toward taking assertive action. Imagine a situation in which you have gained weight due to unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise. Adaptive anger would involve being angry at yourself for letting the situation get out of hand, but also feeling inspired and motivated to make a plan to eat healthy food and join a gym. In this way, adaptive anger is controlled and directed.

You might feel as though you are a victim of poor circumstances (e.g., not being able to afford healthy food, not having time to go to the gym). You might become withdrawn and sulk instead of reaching out for help from others.

You likely also engage in self-criticism rather than self-compassion. You might be critical of yourself for having gained weight. You might view yourself as helpless to change the situation. In essence, maladaptive anger involves giving away your power so that you feel helpless.

This type of unhelpful anger is thought to be rooted in a critical inner voice that sometimes arises due to traumatic experiences.

While adaptive anger helps you to move toward taking action and relief from your problem, maladaptive anger causes you to remain in a state of suffering and pain. Maladaptive anger is also more likely to lead to or worsen anxiety and depression.

Moving From Maladaptive Anger to Adaptive Emotions

Emotionally focused therapy involves transforming your maladaptive emotions by addressing their root cause. One way to do this is by verbalizing your critical inner voice. For example, in the case of gaining weight, the critical inner voice might sound something like this.

"Look at how much weight you've gained. You have no self-control and you'll never be able to lose it now. You might as well accept that it's hopeless and you'll be overweight forever. Nothing you try ever works and you just don't have any willpower."

Thus, the idea is to put the critical inner voice into words as though they are being spoken by someone outside of your head. This involves expressing feelings behind thoughts and making sure to use "you" statements so it sounds as though the critical inner voice is coming from someone else. This allows you to separate yourself from those thoughts and see them as coming from outside of yourself.

Once you are able to step outside of your thoughts and view them as an external critical voice, the next step is to develop insights into where that critical voice might have developed. This is the process of transforming the maladaptive emotion.

For example, in the case of the critical inner voice that talks about your weight gain, you might respond to that voice in the following ways.

"I know that I've gained weight, but it's not the end of the world. I do have self-control, but I've been through a really hard time in the past year. It's not impossible for me to lose weight, I just need to put some healthy habits into place.

I don't need to accept this situation and it's certainly not hopeless. I've tried some things that haven't worked, but that doesn't mean I am out of ideas. Willpower is less important than me being clear on my goals. I know that I can do it if I try."

Emotionally focused therapy has been shown to help relieve depression, improve self-esteem, and reduce distress in interpersonal relationships. For this reason, this type of therapy may also help you to relieve anger related to depression, particularly since anger is a maladaptive emotion.

Medication

Medication is a treatment option for depression that could be helpful in also reducing feelings of anger or irritability. While medication is not a direct treatment for anger, alleviating symptoms of depression may have an indirect effect on feelings of anger.

Anger Management Techniques

Anger management techniques may also be helpful on their own for the management of anger that is related to depression. You could attend anger management classes, read an anger management self-help book, find an anger management support group,

Coping with Angry Depression

How can you cope with angry depression on your own? There are a number of things you can do to manage anger related to depression. Below are some ideas to get you started.

Develop Self Compassion

One way to manage anger related to depression is to develop a sense of compassion for yourself. It's better to be kind to yourself than to direct your anger inwards. Since this can be hard to do, it might be helpful to think about yourself in terms of how you would treat a friend.

What would you say to a friend struggling with the same issue? When you have a kinder view toward yourself, you will be less likely to direct your anger inward. For this reason, self-compassion may be particularly helpful if you mostly engage in inwardly directed anger.

Manage Triggers

Are you aware of people, places, or situations that trigger your anger related to depression? If so, it may be helpful to expand on that awareness and prepare yourself for those stressful situations. While eventually, you will want to learn to manage your anger, learning to identify and manage triggers can be an effective way to cope in the meantime.

Stand Up to Your Inner Critic

As discussed in the section on emotionally focused therapy, being able to stand up to your inner critic will help to alleviate your depression and possibly also reduce your anger. This requires you to acknowledge your anger and emotions, rather than avoiding your feelings.

This is best done with the help of a therapist; however, you can also engage in this process by writing about your feelings in a journal, identifying your critical inner voice, writing responses to your critical inner voice

Accept Your Anger

It may also help you to cope if you are able to accept that anger is part of your depression, but that you have tools to help you feel better. Fighting against your anger, just like fighting against anxiety, will tend to only make it worse.

Express Your Anger

Along the same lines as accepting your anger, is learning to express your anger in healthy ways. This goes back to the idea of adaptive and maladaptive emotions. Anger that is expressed in a healthy way may help you to move out of a place of being stuck toward taking action. This in turn may help you to feel less depressed, which will create an upward cycle of positive emotions.

Expressing your anger in healthy ways means acknowledging your anger and releasing it, without letting it become explosive. This would be the opposite of the anger attacks that were discussed previously. When you are able to express your anger outwards, you will find that your depression may lessen.

Alleviate Anger Before it Worsens

Do you find that your anger gets out of control because you keep it bottled inside? If so, you may benefit from learning healthy ways to express your anger before it gets out of control. This might includes ideas such as learning to be more assertive or learning to express your emotions. Both of these activities will help to reduce the chance that your anger builds to the point that you must explode.

Practice Breathing Exercises

Just as with anxiety, anger will fuel itself if you let it. For this reason, it may be helpful to learn breathing exercises to help you calm yourself down in the moment when you become angry. One such exercise that you may wish to try is called 4-7-8 breathing developed by Dr. Andrew Weil. This breathing technique is based on the yoga technique known as pranayama, which helps yogis to control their breathing.

Breathing helps to bring your body into a state of relaxation and to increase the oxygen flow in your body. This helps to get control of the fight or flight reaction that you might experience when your anger is triggered.

To practice 4-7-8 breathing, find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Put the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth and keep it in place throughout the breathing exercise. Then, go through the following steps, which counts as one cycle of breath.

Open your mouth and make a whoosh sound while exhaling completely out through your lips.

Then, close your mouth and do a silent inhale through your nose to the count of four.

Next, hold your breath for seven seconds.

Finally, exhale through your mouth for the count of eight seconds while making a whooshing sound.

Then, repeat this cycle for each set of breaths. Where does the number "4" come in? The ideal number of times to repeat this process is at least four times. Although you can gradually work your way up to doing eight breaths. Remember to hold your breath for the full seven seconds, as that is most critical to creating relaxation in your body.

Mindfulness Meditation or Yoga

If you enjoy deep breathing, you might also enjoy practicing mindfulness meditation or yoga to help you manage your anger related to depression. Given that depression means you are probably lacking motivation, this might not be the right fit until your depression is being treated (either through medication or therapy).

However, if you're feeling motivated enough to try, the act of doing yoga itself may help to reduce your stress and improve your mood. Overall, we know that exercise releases endorphin which leads to reductions in depression.

If you are interested in trying out mindfulness meditation, then you will want to find a meditation that focuses on anger, depression, or the combination of both feelings and emotions. Good meditations will lead you into a deep state of relaxation, help you to release your emotions, and then bring you back to present awareness.

Develop a Support System

If you are struggling with depression and anger, you will also want to develop a strong support system. While this might be problematic if you are living with depression, having at least one person you can rely on for support will be helpful.

If there is nobody in your personal life that you feel provides you support adequate for your needs, you might benefit from joining a support group specifically for depression and/or anger. In one of these groups, you will find others struggling through the same challenges as you.

And, unlike a friend or family member, you aren't likely to be given advice or told that what you are feeling isn't that bad. Instead, you're likely to find yourself spending time with people who completely understand your situation.

In addition, if you join a group with a facilitator, you may find that you are offered helpful strategies to better manage your depression and anger. Having a support group who understands what you are going through will be important, especially if you find yourself relapsing after treatment.

A Word From Verywell

If you are struggling with anger and depression that is impairing your daily functioning, it is important to see a mental health professional for advice. If you have not already seen a professional about your situation, you may be offered a diagnosis as well as treatment options that might include therapy and/or medication. The first step to receiving help is talking to your family doctor.

In addition, it's important to know that you are not alone in your feelings. Many people struggle with anger and irritability related to their depression. This is not a personal failing on your part, and it's not something that is necessarily within your control. However, there are coping strategies that you can use to escape a bad mood, manage your anger, and feel better.

There's no need to feel ashamed about reaching out for help, asking friends or family for support, or joining a support group. In fact, asking for help or making yourself a priority might be what it takes for you to improve your relationships and feel better about your daily life. Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect that you would treat a friend if they came to you for advice. You deserve your own self-compassion.

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How Your Depression and Anger Might Be Related

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Anger can be a common emotion among people experiencing depression. You may feel angry at the world, angry about events from your past, or even angry at yourself. This anger can be intense and difficult to control, to the point that it worsens your depression and affects your personal and professional relationships.

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Anger is a tool that helps us read and respond to upsetting social situations. But how can you stop it from getting out of hand?

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What is sadness?

Sadness is defined as having grief, sorrow, or unhappiness. Sad feelings are also a part of depression and related to other parts of depression including poor self-worth, poor sleep, and difficulty enjoying things.

Although we can sometimes get caught in our sad feelings, we don't have to. We can undo sadness and start growing our happiness and well-being (take this well-being quiz to start). Here are some ways to deal with sad feelings.

1. Beat rumination

Rumination is when you get stuck in your head, thinking about all the negative stuff that has gone wrong or could go wrong. Rumination is a key feature of depression and contributes to so much unnecessary sad feelings. That's why beating rumination is an important first step to getting through sadness.

To stop the rumination, try engaging your body in some activity that is intense enough that you can't think for a few minutes. For example, you could do sprints or take an ice-cold shower. This shock can stop your brain from cycling and force it to focus on the present moment.

2. Imagine a bright future, not a gloomy future

If something has happened to us to make us sad, we might become sadness-prone-only thinking about the worst things that could happen. It's common because we feel like if we think through these bad outcomes, we can better prepare. But it just makes us feel worse in the long run. Our sadness can snowball into feeling all sorts of other negative emotions.

So try to imagine a brighter future, even if only in an exercise to help your brain break through sad feelings. Here's an exercise to imagine future happiness.

3. Cultivate mindfulness skills

Mindfulness involves self-reflection to gain awareness and acceptance of thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness can undo negative thinking styles that generate excess sadness.

To practice this skill, pause, pay attention to your negative emotions and attempt to approach them with curiosity instead of judgment.

4. Try cognitive reappraisal

Reappraisal is an emotion regulation strategy that we can use to reinterpret a sad situation in a more positive (or less negative) way. Reappraisal is hard for many of us, and if we have a hard time seeing the silver linings, this can contribute to higher levels of sadness and depression.

Luckily, we can get better at reappraisal. We just have to practice thinking about what's good in the situation. What are you grateful for, how could it have gone worse, or what small things are actually good? By using reappraisal, you can stop sad feelings.

5. Read some books on overcoming sadness

There are so many science-based strategies you can use to undo sadness. By reading self-help books, you can begin to learn and implement these strategies into your life.

So grab some high-quality self-help books or take an online program to boost happiness and learn the skills you need to decrease your sad feelings.

6. Boost your serotonin

Low serotonin is linked to depression. So how might you increase serotonin?

One quick way is to eat carbohydrates. Yeah, it turns out that the warm fuzzy feeling we get when we eat carbs is in part due to the serotonin boost we get from them. Another way to boost serotonin is to (carefully) take 5-HTP supplements, which help increase serotonin in the body. And aerobic exercise, in particular, may contribute to higher levels of serotonin.

7. Eat less sugar

I was super surprised to discover greater sugar intake is linked to higher levels of depression. We already knew sugar we bad for our physical health, but it turns out to be bad for our mental health, too. So try not to consume so much sugar if you're struggling with sad feelings.

8. Don't obsess about your sad feelings

Depression Essential Reads

Feeling sad sucks. But we can't allow ourselves to obsess about it. If we focus too much on our lack of happiness and worry about being stuck in sadness, we just make things worse. So try to focus on actions you can take and things you can do to feel better, rather than focusing specifically on your sad feelings.

9. Get a positive emotion boost

Positive emotions broaden our thought processes and build on themselves, creating a lifeline to us when we're stuck in sadness. That's why doing things to create more positive emotions is so important for reducing our sadness.

There are so many ways to create positive emotions. In many ways, this may be easier than decreasing the negative emotions directly. For example, you can improve your ability to think positively or practice gratitude. You can also do things you enjoy, like spending time with friends, going outside, or reading. Whatever makes you happy, do these things.

10. Outsmart your smartphone

We're on our phones 24-7. But spending too much time on our phones or the internet is associated with higher levels of depression and loneliness. So you need to learn how to "outsmart your smartphone" and use our phones in ways that increase happiness instead of sadness.

11. Be kind to yourself

Challenging self-critical thoughts and being self-compassionate can help reduce negative emotions like sadness. So if you're being really hard on yourself, try thinking about your good qualities and strengths.

12. Make a plan

​There are many actions you can take to beat sadness, making a " happiness plan" can be helpful. For example, you could do one new sadness-busting strategy each day. Whatever works for you to ensure you'll do the things that make you feel better is what matters most.

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Here are 12 ways to undo, deflate, and reduce sadness to get your life back.

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It's OK to feel sad from time to time. It's important to know what to do if the feeling becomes overwhelming (or if you feel sad all of the time).

Sadness is an important emotion to feel because it can motivate you to do something about a distressing situation.

You may feel sad for many reasons, like:

you've been disappointed

you've been rejected

you've been ignored

you've been misunderstood

you haven't achieved your goals

you lose something important to you (a loved one, your self-confidence, etc.)

You can experience sadness in both your mind and your body. When you feel sad, you may notice:

pain behind your eyes

a lump feeling in your throat

an aching feeling in your chest

you cry or feel like crying

you want to be alone

you want to curl up into a ball

you feel small

Remember, it's OK to be sad sometimes. There are some ways you can help yourself be OK with feelings of sadness:

It's OK to let it out: cry, yell, sob... whatever helps you to vent those feelings.

Breathing helps: focus on your breathing to help your body calm down.

You'll feel better soon: when you let yourself feel sad, you may feel better more quickly than when you try to stop your feelings.

You can take a break: if feeling sad starts to be too much, try doing something else for a while, such as writing, sports or hanging out with friends.

It's important to be kind, gentle and patient with yourself if you're feeling really low or vulnerable. Try to give yourself time to recover.

What makes you sad?

It may be helpful to identify things that make you feel sad. You can:

write down a list of things and situations that make you feel sad

write down a list of cues your body gives you to let you know when you're getting sad

write down a list of thoughts, images and feelings that come to mind when you feel sad

How do you deal with sadness?

When people feel sad, they often want to withdraw to give themselves time to recover. You may want to spend some time alone doing something you find soothing such as:

holding a pillow or stuffed animal

listening to soft, calming music

spending time with a pet

picturing the face of someone warm and caring (imagine hearing that person's voice)

Another way of coping with sadness is to reach out for support. You can try talking to a friend or family member about your feelings. You can also call a Kids Help Phone counsellor at 1-800-668-6868. Reaching out can help you remember you don't have to go through this experience alone.

While spending some time alone can be healthy, too much time alone can make you feel even worse. If you're withdrawing to the point where you're spending a lot of time alone, it could be a sign of depression, and it may be time to reach out for help. Kids Help Phone counsellors are available 24/7 at 1-800-668-6868 if you need to talk.

How to express sadness

Expressing your sadness in healthy ways can be a good way to deal with how you're feeling. Here are a few ways to express your sadness:

Let it out: vocalize your feelings (cry, yell, scream, etc.)

Get creative: draw, paint or sculpt

Let loose: listen to music that reflects your sadness and dance to it

Put it in writing: write about your feelings in a journal or keep a sadness diary

Share: talk about your feelings with someone you trust

What's the difference between sadness and depression?

If you're sad, you may just feel a little blue, or you may feel so low that you find it hard to get out of bed or talk to other people. Sadness is an emotion that usually comes and goes and gets better over time. Depression is a mental disorder that's deeper and longer-lasting.

If you think you may have depression, or if you're having trouble telling the difference between sadness and depression, you can read about depression and see if it makes sense. You can also call Kids Help Phone - a counsellor can help you talk through if what you're feeling is sadness or something more.
Sometimes, sadness can feel overwhelming, especially if you try to deal with it alone. It's a good idea to get support if you're feeling sad and talk to someone you trust.

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Let it out: How to cope with feeling sad

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Soothe your soul with these tips to beating the blues when you're feeling sad.

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Overview

Sadness is a human emotion that all people feel at certain times during their lives. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to situations that cause emotional upset or pain. There are varying degrees of sadness. But like other emotions, sadness is temporary and fades with time. In this way, sadness differs from depression.

Depression is a longer-term mental illness. It impairs social, occupational, and other important areas of functioning. Left untreated, symptoms of depression may last for a long time.

Keep reading to learn more about the differences between depression and sadness.

When you're sad, it may feel all-encompassing at times. But you should also have moments when you are able to laugh or be comforted. Depression differs from sadness. The feelings you have will affect all aspects of your life. It may be hard or even impossible to find enjoyment in anything, including activities and people you used to enjoy. Depression is a mental illness, not an emotion.

Symptoms of depression may include:

constant feelings of sadness

irritability

fatigue

changes in sleeping or eating patterns

difficulty concentrating

loss of interest and enthusiasm for things which used to provide pleasure

feelings of deep, unwarranted guilt

physical symptoms, such as headaches or body aches that do not have a specific cause

feelings of worthlessness

constant thoughts about death

suicidal thoughts or actions

You may have some of these symptoms if you are sad, but they shouldn't last more than two weeks. Suicidal thoughts are a sign of depression, not sadness.

Guide to the DSM-5 criteria

Mental health professionals use the American Psychiatric Association Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5 criteria) to help determine if someone is sad or depressed. You may receive a diagnosis of depression or persistent depressive disorder if you meet the criteria.

The DSM-5 criteria include nine potential symptoms of depression. The severity of each symptom is also weighed as part of the diagnostic process. The nine symptoms are:

feeling depressed throughout each day on most or all days

lack of interest and enjoyment in activities you used to find pleasurable

trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much

trouble eating, or eating too much, coupled with weight gain or weight loss

irritability, restlessness, or agitation

extreme fatigue

unwarranted or exaggerated feelings of guilt or worthlessness

inability to concentrate or make decisions

suicidal thoughts or actions, or thinking a lot about death and dying

Read more: Signs of depression "
Depression can occur in both men and woman of any age. Depression affects people across all ethnic groups and socioeconomic backgrounds.

There are several risk factors for depression. But having one or more risk factors doesn't mean you'll become depressed. Risk factors include:

early childhood or teenage trauma

inability to cope with a devastating life event, such as the death of a child or spouse, or any situation that causes extreme levels of pain

low self-esteem

family history of mental illness, including bipolar disorder or depression

history of substance abuse, including drugs and alcohol

lack of family or community acceptance for identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT).

trouble adjusting to a medical condition, such as cancer, stroke, chronic pain, or heart disease

trouble adjusting to body changes due to catastrophic injury, such as loss of limbs, or paralysis

history of prior mental health disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or anxiety disorder

lack of a support system, such as friends, family, or coworkers

Depression is also a possible side effect of some medications. If you're concerned that a drug you're taking is affecting your mood, discuss it with your doctor. Some medications that might cause depression include:

beta-blockers

corticosteroids

hormonal medications

statins, which are drugs used to treat high cholesterol

Talk to your doctor if you experience sadness for longer than two weeks. And call emergency services to receive immediate medical help if you're having suicidal thoughts.

Note if your feelings interfere with your ability to function, take part in life, or experience enjoyment. Speaking to a professional, like a therapist, clergy member, or other trusted person, can be a powerful first step toward recovery.
Learn more: The best depression apps of 2016 "
Your doctor will use several diagnostic tools to help distinguish between sadness and depression. You doctor will ask you a series of questions or have you fill out a questionnaire based on the DSM-5 criteria. This will help them determine if you're experiencing sadness or depression.

They'll also want to talk to you about your symptoms. They'll ask how you're feeling and what your daily life is like.

Your doctor may also do a physical exam. This will determine any underlying health problem affecting your condition. That could include a blood test to determine if you have an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism).

If you're experiencing sadness, some minor lifestyle changes may help.

Connect with other people. Make a phone call, take a yoga class, or join a jogging club, knitting circle, or another group that interests you.

Build in time each day for an activity you enjoy.

Watch funny television shows or movies, or read a lighthearted or funny book.

Engage in physical activities or sports.

If you love animals, spend time each day with a furry friend.

Do not self-medicate through the use of drugs or alcohol.

Treat yourself kindly by eating healthy and trying to get enough sleep.

If you have trouble sleeping, try meditating or taking a warm bath before bed.

Simplify your life as best you can.

Lifestyle changes can also help you feel better if you're experiencing depression. But these changes may not be enough. If you're depressed, psychological counseling with a professional you trust can make a difference. This type of counseling is also known as talk therapy.

If you're depressed or suicidal, you can receive inpatient care by staying in a hospital or other therapeutic setting.

Your physician or therapist may prescribe medications for you. There are many different types of antidepressants. You and your doctor will decide which ones you should try. These depend on your needs, family history, allergies, and lifestyle. You may need to try several before you find a treatment plan that works best for you. Sometimes, antidepressants may increase suicidal thoughts. It's important that you let your doctor know immediately if you experience worsening depression.
Learn more: Depression medications list "
If you're experiencing a period of sadness, lifestyle changes and being proactive may help. You may also seek out professional help if you feel it will help to talk. Or if you feel medication may help.

Depression is treatable. But simple lifestyle changes may not be enough to help your recover. You'll likely need to take part in therapy. You might also take medication to help treat your symptoms.

Allow yourself to get the help you need. If you feel that you can't take the next step, try to connect with someone who will take that step with you. For example, talk to a trusted family doctor. Or you could ask a friend or family member to go with you to your first appointment with a therapist. No matter how you're feeling today, you deserve, and can achieve, hope and healing.

Conquering both sadness and depression takes effort. Make sure to keep your appointments if you're seeing a therapist. And talk out everything that is on your mind. Here are some more tips to help you manage both sadness and depression:

Set your alarm clock and wake up at the same time each day. Maintaining a routine that includes self-care can help make life more manageable.

Include physical activity in your routine. It can boost mood and improve your health.

Don't isolate yourself. Spend some time each day with someone you like, either in person, or on the phone.

Resume activities that have given you joy in the past, or try new activities that interest you. Having something to look forward to can help boost your mood.

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Depression vs. Sadness: What's the Difference?

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Overview Sadness is a human emotion that all people feel at certain times during their lives. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to situations that cause emotional upset or pain. There are varying degrees of sadness. But like other emotions, sadness is temporary and fades with time.

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Written March 2018 Updated September 2020

If you ask parents what they most want for their child, many will say something like this: "I just want my child to be happy". Whilst most of us know, at a logical level, that we can't make this happen, seeing our children frequently or deeply sad, is very confronting.

Observing sadness in our children often feels different to parents than it does to observe them experience other emotions. When we see our child anxious, frustrated or even disappointed it feels to us that these are normal, temporary and resolvable. We also feel like there is a role for us to teach and support our children through these emotions.

But seeing our children experience frequent or strong sadness - and not being able to make them feel better - is much more painful. It can make parents feel helpless, frustrated, worried - and like a failure at some very deep level. It feels "wrong" in some subconscious way.

However, the truth is - it is not uncommon for children to experience times of sadness. Although only about 2-3% of prepubertal children will experience the type and extent of sadness psychologists will diagnose as a formal depressive disorder, many more children experience slightly less severe - but still persistent and frequent - sadness at some point during their childhood.
Which children experience frequent and persistent sad moods - and when?
Children are more likely to experience sad moods when they have to deal with tough life circumstances. For example, children who are managing family separation, grief, physical illness, learning problems, family poverty, family ill health or other tough life situations are more likely to experience frequent sadness. Indigineous children are also more likely to experience frequent sad moods, probably partly because there are higher rates of this population dealing with the above "tough life circumstances". Older children are more likely to experience sadness than younger children.

Children are also more likely to experience sad and hopeless moods if they have a biological tendency towards psychological and emotional sensitivity. I like to call these children, "kids with big feelings". These children experience strong reactions to life, feel things deeply and think about life deeply. Sometimes they are clever, creative and socially and emotionally sensitive. If you have a child like this, you will know exactly what I mean - and these "kids with big feelings" are more prone to experiencing times of sadness.
What does persistent sadness look like in children?
Here's an example of what this kind of sadness might look like in the life of a child.
Justin*, aged 9, came to see me after his parents had separated. His parents told me they were worried about him and also frustrated by his behavior in the past few months. They said he was always irritable and angry with his younger siblings, would cry "at the drop of a hat", was always saying he was "tired", had asked to drop out of his (previously enjoyed) soccer team and had begun to sit alone and recess and lunch time, despite being asked to play with his friends. When I spoke to Justin, he said to me he doesn't have many friends and that he doesn't like soccer anymore. He said he misses his Dad when he lives at his Mum's house, and misses his Mum when he lives at Dad's house. He also said he feels like "school is stupid", and that he feels sad and angry a lot but he doesn't really know why. His eyes filled with tears while talking with me in the session, and I was soon to discover that this would happen each session for some time.
Justin's story is typical of these children. As you can see, when children are feeling frequently sad, they will be less interested in socializing, find life more effortful, will be less interested in being physical active or doing enjoyable activities, will be more likely to cry. They may be irritable about everything, complain a lot, tell you they are in pain or tired. They may appear to have low self esteem and say things to themselves like "I'm no good". Some children may even talk about death "I'd rather be dead", "there is no point to life" and "I wish I'd never been born".

Common reactions from parents with children going through this are to feel helpless and worried. It is also likely that they have been frustrated and angry with their sad child or with others (I've talked with parents who feel angry with their child's peers, teachers, other parent - they might know deep down it's not these people's fault their child is sad - but they are looking for someone to blame).
Justin's parents felt helpless. They had tried to encourage Justin to "think positively" and they'd try to cheer him up. They'd also frequently been frustrated with him and shouted at times, particularly when Justin had acted in particularly irritable and angry ways with his siblings. They also expressed frustration with Justin's peer group who they felt were not being kind, they had also felt the school hadn't managed some bullying which had occurred in the previous year. What should parents of sad children do?
If you have a child prone to or experiencing times of sadness, here are three messages which might help you - and your child.

1. Remind yourself that your sad child is not feeling sad all the time (even if they feel they are).

It's normal for children (and adults) in the midst of sad moods to genuinely feel like they are sad all the time. They will often say to you, "I'm always sad", they will express excessively negative opinions about their day, the event they just went to, their school day and their friends and classmates. Their self report may suggest to you that there is nothing positive happening for your child and that they feel bad all the time.

However, this self report is not 100% true but simply a function of how the human brain works. When we are in negative moods, our brains are designed to focus on the problems. Children (and adults) will subconsciously "block out" positive memories, interactions, people and events when they are feeling bad. But this doesn't mean they are not there.

It is important for parents - and their children - to know that sadness is not constant. Even children who are frequently sad, have many moments each day of being absorbed in a task, enjoying an activity for a moment or to have some periods of time when they are looking forward to something. It's important for us as parents, and our child, to remember this, and to help them identify these "shades of grey" in their mood.

Of course, this isn't to say a child isn't still experiencing a great deal of sadness. Sometimes they are. This brings us to the next point.
2. Over time, your child will gradually feel less sad, less often.
Persistent and long lasting depression in childhood is extremely rare. The chances are excellent that your child will feel less sad, less often at some point in the near future. Having worked with hundreds of children, I know that almost all children will have reductions in sadness over time.

Be assured: it is very likely that life will change for the better for your child at some point. They will adjust to difficult life events, grief will resolve, they will have a change in peer group, they will find an activity or part of life which feels meaningful and interesting for them, or life will change for them in some other way.

Even if the sources of sadness do not change significantly, they are likely to learn to think about life and cope with life in ways which make sadness less frequent. Especially with support and help to do this. This brings us to my next point.
3. As parents you can help your sad child.
Parents often feel helpless when their attempts to help their sad child don't seem to help. They feel like there is nothing they can do. This is not true.

As parents we can coach and support our child to help themselves to feel less sad and to cope with tough life events. No, there is no quick and easy fix, but we can make a difference slowly as time passes.

Now to the practical.

I've listed 10 ideas below which parents can use to help their child cope with sad times.

1. Be empathic. Be "with them". Say "I'm sorry you had a hard day" and "I'm sorry you are feeling sad at the moment".

2. Try to be patient with your child. Remember your child can't "make themselves" be positive or happy.

3. Ask about specific "sad time triggers". Although children will sometimes be sad "for no reason", it is more often that there are at least some situations, thoughts or events which do trigger or cause sadness. Try to help children identify at least some of these - and then think about how these can be managed differently (or avoided).

4. Although we need to be on the lookout for and ask about triggers, it's also important to NOT talk endlessly about the sadness or the problems. Having hour long conversations (especially before bed) may make things worse. Tell your child "we will talk about this again soon, but now let's read a book/watch TV" etc.

5. Try to also limit your own frustration with others - don't blame other people for your child's sadness. Teachers, doctors, parents and other children aren't the (sole) source of the problem and they can't "fix" your child either.

6. Gently teach children to notice the ups and downs of their mood - pick your moment but empathically challenge comments like "I'm always sad" - feeling this way is part of sadness, but is not 100% true. Ask them to notice when they felt good or interested or absorbed in something and sadness wasn't their focus.

7. Teach children to notice the positive aspects of their day and positive events in the future. Put in "gratitude" exercises around the tea table occasionally and "my interesting week" exercises. Make some of these "past" focused, and others focused on the future.

8. Constantly work on social connection - it is very difficult to reduce sadness in children if they are isolated and have no positive source of friendship. Even if there are other obvious sadness triggers (ie grief, family separation, learning problems, health problems) - increasing social connection will help children feel less sad as they deal with them.

9. Keep working on helping your child finding sources of self esteem and meaning. Children (like adults) need to feel they are good at something, or that there is something interesting and important for them to do.

10. Work on physical activity, sleep and nutrition. Sadness eases when children are more physically fit and active, get enough sleep and eat well. Don't neglect these areas.

11. Teach children ways to cope with periods of sadness. Help them make a list of "busy brain" activities so that when they are sad they do not withdraw or ruminate for long. Help them use words to tell people about their sadness rather than get angry or cry. Help them identify a problem which triggers their sadness and see if they can come up with potential steps to manage it.

12. Ask for help from other professionals. Psychologists, teachers, school counsellors and GPs can support you and your child to slowly do all of the above.

Finally, look after yourself. As I've said several times in this article, supporting children who get sad is a challenging and stressful experience for parents. If you are to manage any challenging and stressful experience, you need to look after your own physical, mental and emotional health. Take care of yourself, talk to others, get professional support, take breaks from parenting or do whatever else works for you in looking after yourself.

Best wishes in this important work

Kirrilie

If you want your child to watch a video for them about being sad and how to manage it, we have a short animation called "Sadness, and ideas to manage it" in our Calm Kid Central program. There is also an activity sheet for children about noticing the positive aspects of their day and their life which children can use to help track positives. To get access to the video and worksheet, click here.

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Help, my child is always sad: tearfulness, sadness and depression in young people - Developing Minds

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If you ask parents what they most want for their child, many will say something like this: "I just want my child to be happy". Whilst most of us know, at a logical level, that we can't make this happen, seeing our children frequently or deeply sad, is very confr

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Inside Out - Joy realizes why sadness is an important emotion to Riley's Mental Health

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PIXAR - INSIDE OUT HD - JOY REALIZES WHY SADNESS IS AN IMPORTANT EMOTION TO RILEY'S MENTAL HEALTH

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Anxiety disorders and depression are treatable. Many people experience meaningful symptom relief and improvement in their quality of life with professional care. However, treatment success varies. Some people respond to treatment after a few weeks or months while others may take longer. If people have more than one anxiety disorder or if they suffer from other co-existing conditions, treatment may take longer. An experienced provider will conduct a comprehensive assessment before discussing an individualized treatment plan.

Approaches To Treatment

Although there are many forms of treatment, several approaches have proven to be effective in addressing anxiety disorders and depression. You can read more about the different approaches here:

Types of Mental Health Care Professionals

Mental health care professionals include psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, counselors, and social workers. Learn about their approaches and how to distinguish them here.

Concerned About Cost?

Getting Professional Help

Finding the right health care professional is important:

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Treatment | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA

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Anxiety disorders and depression are treatable. Many people experience meaningful symptom relief and improvement in their quality of life with professional care. However, treatment success varies. Some people respond to treatment after a few weeks or months while others may take longer.

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All About Anxiety Disorders. Learn About and Find the Help, Support and Understanding You Need to Get WayAhead with Anxiety Disorders - Panic, Social, OCD

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UCLA Center for Child Anxiety Resilience Education and Support

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The Anxiety Test is also available in Spanish.
Source:

Primary Care Evaluation of Mental Disorders Patient Health Questionnaire (PRIME-MD-PHQ). The PHQ, including the GAD-7, was developed by Drs. Robert L. Spitzer, Janet B.W. Williams, Kurt Kroenke, and colleagues. For research information, contact Dr. Spitzer at [email protected] PRIME-MD® is a trademark of Pfizer Inc. Copyright© 1999 Pfizer Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduced with permission.
Please note: Online screening tools are not diagnostic instruments. You are encouraged to share your results with a physician or healthcare provider. Mental Health America Inc., sponsors, partners, and advertisers disclaim any liability, loss, or risk incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, from the use and application of these screens.

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The Anxiety Test is also available in Spanish. Source: Primary Care Evaluation of Mental Disorders Patient Health Questionnaire (PRIME-MD-PHQ). The PHQ, including the GAD-7, was developed by Drs. Robert L. Spitzer, Janet B.W. Williams, Kurt Kroenke, and colleagues. For research information, contact Dr. Spitzer at [email protected] PRIME-MD® is a trademark of Pfizer Inc.

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Help for dealing with racing thoughts

Our editors independently research, test, and recommend the best products; you can learn more about our review process here. We may receive commissions on purchases made from our chosen links.

Overcoming anxiety on your own can feel very daunting and helpless. It can present itself in many different ways, whether it's due to stress in the workplace, grief, or the pressures of everyday life. While many people turn to professional help or holistic techniques, books are a great way to teach yourself the tools to help combat anxiety. No matter your situation, we've researched the best books with helpful techniques to overcome anxiety.

Below are the best books for anxiety relief.

"Be Calm: Proven Techniques to Stop Anxiety Now"

Jill Weber, Ph.D., a D.C.-area clinical psychologist, dives deep into the science behind anxiety, your emotions, and their physical ramifications on the body. Most importantly, she shows you how to use this knowledge to help you spot and deal with racing thoughts, worst-case scenario thinking, or a self-defeating mentality, all of which may prompt you to behave in ways that reinforce anxiety.

Her techniques tap evidence-based methods, including cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and mindfulness. "My clients who use these methods tell me that although they are still aware of their worried thoughts, those thoughts no longer have the same power over them," Weber writes.

"Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks"

If you're not ready for the step of seeing a psychologist or one is not accessible to you, then this book from Seth Gillihan-a licensed psychologist and Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Psychiatry Department at the University of Pennsylvania-is billed as a resource to "learn to be your own therapist."

Like other books on anxiety, Gillihan teaches cognitive behavioral therapy to manage symptoms. Presented workbook style, you're encouraged to be more than just a passive participant learning CBT techniques and take a more active role in your care. He breaks it into seven weeks, each week building upon the next, including setting goals, breaking negative thought patterns, and facing your fears. It's kind of like spending weekly sessions with Gillihan. One bit of advice: Don't skip the writing prompts-they're important for your journey.

"10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head"

Dan Harris teaches the art of the mini-meditation for skeptics. He was once a skeptic, too: The news anchor had a panic attack on air-and it was finding meditation that brought him back from the brink and hurling toward happiness. He says that mindfulness meditation can quiet that inner voice (the one that's telling you to do more and be more at the expense of all else) while still being a productive go-getter. If mindfulness seems a bit out there for you, you'll not only relate to the stories Harris shares but also learn a lot about making peace with that inner critical voice.

"It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered"

This is a book you'll want to turn to when you're trying to navigate your Christian faith while being dealt a rough hand in life. Author Lysa TerKeurst says that disappointment is a source of anxiety, and learning the tools to understand its role and teachings can help you emerge on the other side unscathed. "I ride this struggle bus. But I'm never comfortable with the fact that I can't grab the wheel and drive it back to Normal," she writes. She teaches you to trust the process-not the outcome-and that's a very big lesson you'll call upon for the rest of your life.

"The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks"

If you've struggled with traditional advice to stop anxiety and panic attacks but have found that it didn't work for you, you're in need of a new approach. Author Barry McDonagh advocates for facing fears, anxiety, and panic head-on and accepting its presence, a method he says changed his life and can change yours.

His teachings take work to implement but can help you rewrite your response and change your body's physiology when panic attacks start (when driving, getting on an airplane, in crowds). As an adjunct to the book, you can also download the DARE app, so you can keep the techniques close by to tap into when you need them the most.

"How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety"

Social anxiety is about being more than just shy or introverted. Clinical psychologist and author Ellen Hendriksen, P.h.D, calls herself the "anxiety whisperer." " Social anxiety is self-consciousness on steroids," she says. It's believing that you'll mess up and get criticized or that you have to sound clever or smart (but never will).

Hendriksen teaches cognitive behavioral therapy to manage these social fears, whether yours crop up at events, speaking engagements, meeting new people, hanging out with friends, or at work. By the end of the book, you'll be closer to shaking that dark cloud of fear that you're always being judged and discover a big boost of confidence. Because, as you'll learn: your true self is enough.

"Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry"

Licensed psychotherapist Jennifer Shannon wrote this book with the idea to stop the constant chatter of your "monkey mind," or the state anxious individuals can fall into as they try to run away from the things they fear. She taps into her past with anxiety and explains that years spent trying to uncover the root of her anxiety only made it-and her panic attacks-worse. That's why she shifts the focus, urging you to acknowledge your fears.

She also presents strategies to effectively cope with the day-to-day worries that can feel all-consuming and stand in your way of a fulfilling life. With humor woven in throughout and cutesy illustrations to lighten the mood, this is one book that you'll enjoy and feel good reading.

"The Missing Stage of Grief: A Revolutionary Approach to Understanding and Healing"

In this book, Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC, links anxiety to the grief caused by losing a loved one. "The shock of everything that comes with losing someone significant is a powerful catalyst for all the feelings of fear and dread that constitute anxiety," she writes.

Knowing that you're seen-whether or not that loss occurred recently or long ago-can lift some of the pressure to 'get over it' off your shoulders. Bidwell Smith realized this after losing both of her parents, and she takes readers on a step-by-step guide to releasing the anxiety and dealing with your grief in an honest, safe way.

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Help for dealing with racing thoughts Our editors independently research, test, and recommend the best products; you can learn more about our review process here. We may receive commissions on purchases made from our chosen links. Overcoming anxiety on your own can feel very daunting and helpless.

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What if you could cure your anxiety?

Welcome to our anxiety guide. We have compiled over 400 pages on anxiety, including anxiety symptoms, anxiety types, anxiety causes, anxiety help strategies, anxiety treatments, and much more, with detailed and specific information that outlines every single question you may have about anxiety.

The more you understand about anxiety, the better opportunity you have to beat it. As you continue through this guide, we encourage you to read further by clicking on the links that are most interesting to you, and the ones that speak to your struggles.

We also recommend you consider bookmarking this guide to explore later, because as you continue along your journey to cure anxiety, you'll find that you'll have new questions and new challenges that need to be overcome.

Anxiety can be beaten. But it starts with knowledge. We hope that this in-depth guide gives you the tools you need to beat anxiety once and for all.

... So What is Anxiety?

Throughout your life, you're going to be faced with a variety of challenges. Feeling worried, stressed, or anxious about those challenges is normal - sometimes even healthy.

You have a big test coming up? Feeling nervous is normal.

You have a first date with your long time crush? Feeling jittery is normal.

You're called into the boss's office and you don't know why? Feeling worried is very normal.

But for nearly 20% of the population, every day is filled with worry that go beyond normal - feelings of physical and emotional nervousness that seem to be trigged for no reason at all.

This is anxiety.

Anxiety comes in many different shapes and forms. There's anxiety that's physical, anxiety that's emotional, anxiety that's mental, and anxiety that are all three at once. There is anxiety caused by traumatic events, and anxiety caused by seemingly nothing at all.

Welcome to the CalmClinic guide to anxiety. This guide, along with the rest of the CalmClinic site, is dedicated to helping you understand your anxiety better, with detailed pages about:

Causes

Symptoms

Treatments, and More

We cover every topic possible, from Agoraphobia to the Zung Self Rating Scale, with the goal to provide you with objective articles on every topic available.

Need Help Now? Here's How to Start

We invite you to explore the guide at length and learn as much as you can about anxiety, because when it comes to anxiety, knowledge really is power. The more you know and understand it, the more you'll be able to control it.

But for those that are struggling with anxiety right now - right at this very moment - and need help finding some temporary or permanent relief, start with the following:

These are some helpful starter articles to give you more information about how to control your anxiety right now. If you're just looking for immediate anxiety help, start there, and then bookmark this page so that you can come back to it when you're ready.

Introduction to Anxiety

For those that stayed with us, let's give some background on anxiety, and yes, that means you're about to read about cavemen:

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, early man was faced with many dangers. From large predators to small poisonous snakes, they needed a way to make sure that if they were faced with danger, they could react quickly and keep themselves away from harm.

This is called the fight or flight response. It is your body's natural reaction to danger.

It is triggered by a part of your brain known as the amygdala. The amygdala sends messages to your body that you're in danger, increasing your heart rate (so that you can run faster), causing you to sweat (to keep you cool), and so on.

At its core, this fight or flight system is critical for your life and safety.

Unfortunately, many people find that their fight/flight system has gone haywire, and is causing them to experience significant distress even when no immediate danger is present. When your body is reacting like it's in danger without any threat to your safety, you have anxiety.
So... What is Anxiety?
It is because anxiety is the activation of your fight or flight system that anxiety, at its core, is a good thing. Without anxiety, you would walk into dark alleys alone at night, get into fights with people 10 times your size, and drive 150 miles per hour in a residential area. Anxiety is designed to keep you safe.

The problem is when you are experiencing anxiety when you should not be, or when that anxiety is more severe than it should be in the situation. That's when you have anxiety, which can manifest itself in many different ways:

Picture This: You have trouble controlling your thoughts and worries. When you have a conversation with someone, you worry that they didn't enjoy it. You worry that they don't want to talk to you again. You worry that they may not like you.

Then you realize you have a big project due in the morning, and you are worried you won't complete it on time. All day, every day, you find yourself physically or emotionally worried, and no matter how hard you try you cannot seem to relax.

Picture This: Your feel some pain in your chest. You feel like you can't take a deep breath. Your heartbeat is speeding up. It feels like something is wrong - like a heart attack. It's getting worse. Your mind is racing. You feel lightheaded. Is this it? Are you going to die? Suddenly it peaks!

Then it all melts away, slowly. You Google your latest symptom and see if there is something new to ask your doctor about.

Picture This: The idea of being around others is terrifying. It's intimidating. It's so hard to talk. Are they judging you? Are they seeing something? You feel naked, exposed. All you want to do is escape, but you know if you do that you'll be all alone again.

You escape anyway. It's just too much. Maybe next time.

Picture This: It seems that every minute of every day, you cannot get this vision out of your mind. It's violent. It's graphic. It's disgusting. You hate it. You have no interest in it, but why do you keep having the thought? Why won't it go away? Does it mean something about you?

You've found that the only thing that gets it out of your mind is counting prime numbers in your head. It's the only relief you get from this horrible image.

Picture This: You went through a trauma. It's over. Yet it seems like you're going through it again, every day. Every loud noise takes you back to that moment. Every dream takes you back to the feelings. The smallest bit of stress feels overwhelming. You jump. You startle. It should be getting better, but it seems like the trauma never ended.

Picture This: AH! A SPIDER!
Each one of these is just one example of the many ways anxiety can affect you.
Types of Anxiety

Why does anxiety have different "types"? That's not entirely clear. But anxiety isn't the same for all people.

Some people experience constant, low levels of anxiety that don't stop them from living their life, but affect everything they do.

Others experience huge bursts of ONLY physical anxiety symptoms, so severe that they think they're dying, only to go away 15 minutes later as though nothing was wrong.

It's why anxiety is so complex, and why education and understanding of anxiety is so important. For more about each type of anxiety, click on the different types below:

Symptoms of Anxiety

Everyone, even if they have never experienced any form of severe anxiety, has some idea of its symptoms. They're the same symptoms that you experience when you're scared or in danger, including:

These are all very common. But what you may not know is that anxiety, and the many different types of anxiety disorders, can cause hundreds of different symptoms - from the common to the rare.

Indeed, you may know that anxiety can cause lightheadedness, but did you know that it can cause a sore throat? You may have guessed that anxiety can cause nausea, but did you know it can cause both arm pain and joint pain?

There are hundreds of different anxiety symptoms, and some of them seem to have no relationship to anxiety at all. But that's because anxiety isn't just anxiety. When you have anxiety, you often struggle with supplementary issues, such as:

These, in turn, lead to their own symptoms. For example, when you're stressed you may find yourself with slightly blurry vision, which in turn leads to squinting, which in turn leads to eye pain. When you're not sleeping, your body may not be recovering, which can lead to muscle pain, temporary nerve damage, and more.

Stress also affects digestion, which means you may not be processing food correctly, which THEN means you may be experiencing symptoms associated with nutritional deficiencies.

In addition, anxiety has a symptom known as "hypersensitivity." This is when your brain is highly sensitive to the way your body feels. Even if you experience a tiny pain or discomfort that 99% of people ignore, YOU will ALWAYS notice it, and that makes it feel more severe than others experience.

As you can see, the symptoms of anxiety are vast, because it's not just anxiety. It's also the symptoms of the issues that anxiety causes.

That said, anxiety symptoms can often be broken down into the following groups.

Mental Anxiety Symptoms

Many anxiety symptoms are mental. That means they are related to thoughts. For some people, thoughts are what characterize the disorder. For example, obsessive compulsive disorder is caused by persistent, uncontrollable thoughts. Generalized anxiety disorder can cause frequent worries about otherwise inconsequential things.

The list of mental anxiety symptoms is extensive, but for a brief overview of some of the most common, start here:

Most of these types of thoughts trigger physical symptoms as well. But not all of them. There are people living with anxiety that struggle with these thoughts but don't necessarily "feel" anxious. They still have anxiety, because anxiety affects people in different ways.

In addition, thoughts can change. If we asked you right now "what types of thoughts are you having?" you might say scary thoughts or irrational thoughts. But if we ask you again in two weeks, you might say weird or racing. So don't feel like you have to limit yourself to one type of mental symptom.

Physical Anxiety Symptoms

As we talked about earlier, there are also considerable physical anxiety symptoms. So many, in fact, that listing them here would be almost impossible to navigate.

That's why we want to invite you to use our search feature, located in the top right corner of this page. It looks like this:

We have hundreds of different physical anxiety symptom pages on this site, so that you can find the information you want to read about most. But for those that would like some help getting started, here are a few of our most common pages and searches:

If you read the previous section on mental anxiety symptoms, you'll notice we said there are some people that experience mental anxiety symptoms with no (or close to no) physical symptoms. They worry often or have anxious thoughts, but physically they feel fine.

Similarly, there are millions of people that have the physical anxiety symptoms with NO mental symptoms. These individuals feel fine mentally, without too many worries, but physically their bodies are reacting as though they're in danger. Many people with panic attacks report that their panic attacks seem to come from nowhere, when they're not even feeling stressed.

Again, all of this is normal. You don't hear about it very much from psychologists and in media, but there's no right or wrong way to experience anxiety. Millions of people experience it different ways.
Please remember to use the search feature above to find even more of the many symptoms anxiety can create.
Emotional Anxiety Symptoms

Anxiety is, itself, an emotion. So really all anxiety symptoms are emotional anxiety symptoms. But there are some specific emotions that anxiety can trigger. You can find more in our search feature, but some examples include:

It can also cause depression, as well as anhedonia - a strange temporary symptom where you are unable to feel joy (but may not be depressed or sad).

These are some of the many symptoms of anxiety. It may seem overwhelming, but keep in mind that the more you learn about each individual symptom, the more you'll have the tools to stop it.

Click on the image below to read more about the symptoms of anxiety.

All About Anxiety Attacks

Often when we talk about anxiety symptoms, we're talking about more of the general symptoms of anxiety. But there is a form of anxiety that deserves its own special place - the anxiety attack.

Anxiety attacks are primarily physical anxiety symptoms on a large scale. They're traditionally referred to as panic attacks, but there are "forms" of anxiety attacks that can affect other disorders, such as severe anxiety at the sight of blood, or severe OCD that triggers an extreme bump in symptoms.

Still, when talking about anxiety attacks and panic attacks, we're usually referring to significant, intense anxiety symptoms that are often so severe, people that experience them may feel as though they're having a heart attack.

Symptoms of anxiety attacks include:

Rapid Heartbeat (Heart Palpitations)

Trouble Breathing

Chest Pains

Lightheadedness

Sweating

Urge to Urinate

Hyperventilation

Intense Feelings of Doom/Danger

Rapid Thoughts/Trouble Thinking

Feelings of Losing Control

Some people even call an ambulance, because the symptoms mimic health problems. They can make you feel like you're dying.

Anxiety attacks peak at around 10 minutes and then slowly decline afterwards. They can leave you feeling drained, confused, exhausted, and scared. Some people develop health anxiety, because the symptoms are so physical and so real, that it's hard to believe that they can be caused by anxiety.

Let's be clear here: The symptoms of anxiety attacks ARE real. Your chest pains, lightheadedness, and more are not your imagination. Your body is really experiencing those problems. The only difference is that they're caused by anxiety, and they are not necessarily dangerous. They just feel like they are.

To start learning more about anxiety attacks, and exploring the many, many symptoms, visit our anxiety attack page here:

What Causes Anxiety?

Any time you struggle with a mental health issue like anxiety, it's easy to want to seek out the cause.

But for the vast majority of people that have anxiety, there is no obvious cause.

Genetics may play a role, but it does not explain anxiety in full. Some people may have had past experiences that caused them to develop anxiety. Others may have simply been under significant stress, which breaks down your ability to stress cope (stress coping may be linked to anxiety). Others simply develop it naturally with no clear reason.

Anxiety can also be self-sustaining. For example, if you're someone with social anxiety, you may have an experience where you go out in public, your nervousness causes you to embarrass yourself, and then you reinforce that anxiety in the future. Similarly, you may be someone that worries too much, but then something bad happens and suddenly you feel justified in your worry.

There is some value in identifying what causes your anxiety, but it shouldn't necessarily be your primary focus. That's because it's easy to point to something and blame it for your anxiety, even though it may not actually be the cause:

"I have anxiety because my parents didn't let me have social experiences."

"I have anxiety because I was treated poorly as a child."

"I have anxiety because my workplace is stressful."

These may be true. They may also not be true. It's not possible to prove what caused your anxiety, but it is easy to find issues to blame.

With that in mind, it does help to explore the causes of anxiety to some degree. Here are some places to start:

Anxiety is also the type of condition that develops through experiences. Let's look at an example:
Sarah is shy, but otherwise she's fine socially. Her parents were also shy, so this is normal. She spends time with a few close friends, but she's able to go out to parties. She doesn't talk to many people, and she's a little uncomfortable, but she has no severe issues keeping her away and occasionally makes a new friend or two. But she's got a new job, and she's struggling. She mishandles a few phone calls and starts to feel less confident. That drop in confidence affects her. The next time she's at a party, she feels more uncomfortable than usual. Someone tries to talk to her, but when she tries to talk back she struggles to find the words. It's embarrassing. A few weeks later is a birthday. She remembers how hard it was for her to talk and she feels anxious. That anxiety causes her to withdraw even further. When she does try to break out of it, her anxiety makes her struggle even more, which reinforces her fear. Over the next few years, it develops into a cycle that makes her more and more anxious, until the very idea of going out in public causes her extreme anxiety. She has developed social anxiety disorder.
This type of example is how many people develop anxiety. If you're looking for specific causes, you can blame genetics (her parents were shy), or you can blame her stressful workplace (chronic stress can create anxiety), or you can blame her experiences (mistakes in social situations caused her anxiety).

But the answer is really some combination of all three.

Learning and understanding this in full can help you make sure you recognize what can lead to your anxiety. It just also helps to see that anxiety can be more complicated than one specific "cause." Some people have anxiety triggered by one event or trauma, or possibly a health condition, such as menopause. But for others, the issue is often more complicated.

We've also explored over 50 different unique causes of anxiety that we explore throughout the site, so don't forget to use our search feature and visit our page on anxiety causes to learn more.

Do You Have Anxiety?

Hopefully you have a better understanding of anxiety, and an idea of whether or not you or someone you love is struggling with an anxiety symptom. We also invite you to explore the many pages we have available that delve further into the individual details about each anxiety, symptom, cause, and more.

But you may still be wondering:

If you have anxiety

How severe your anxiety is

What type of anxiety you have

Treatments for Anxiety

If you struggle with anxiety, chances are you want to treat it. The problem is that navigating the thousands of potential treatments available can be difficult. There are dozens of medications, countless self-help tips, numerous "herbal" and "natural" strategies, many different types of therapy, and more.

We'll give you an introduction to all of these different options below, but if you're looking to explore anxiety treatments in significant detail, visit our anxiety treatment handbook at the link below.

Before we get into the treatments for anxiety, there is one important thing to note: treating anxiety can be slow. It takes years to develop anxiety, and anxiety becomes a part of who you are. Commitment to treatments is important, because most treatments will not work right away. They take time, and there will be setbacks along the way.

Similarly, just as anxiety is different for different people, so too are treatments. What works for one person may not work as well for another. Some are more effective than others. Never give up trying to treat your anxiety. ALL ANXIETY IS CURABLE. It simply takes finding the right treatment for you.

Medications for Anxiety

Medications are one of the most popular treatments for anxiety, because they are the only treatment option that is easy and works quickly. That ease does come at a cost. Many medications have unpleasant side effects. Medications also can't "cure" anxiety. They can only "stop it."

If you stop taking the medication, anxiety will come back.

So all anxiety medications benefit from supplementary treatments. But in the beginning? Yes, medications can help, provided you figure out which one is best for you. Here are some references to start you off:

These are only some of the medications that we've featured here on CalmClinic, but there are countless more. For a complete over view of all different types of anxiety medications, and details about what to choose from, please visit our anxiety medication handbook below.

Therapy

Therapy is another type of treatment for anxiety. With therapy, you meet individually or in group with an expert in mental health, who uses a series of different therapeutic styles to try to help you overcome your anxiety.

Not all therapy is created equal, and some forms of therapy are controversial in their effectiveness. For example, psychodynamic therapy - popularized by Sigmund Freud - is considered ineffective by some and the most effective by others.

But therapy, especially certain types of therapy, can be very effective. If you're interested in learning more about therapy for anxiety, here are some places to start:

Therapy is effective. But not all therapy is the same. Hypnotherapy is controversial. Cognitive behavioral therapy is highly regarded and effective, but doesn't work for everyone. Therapy is a great choice, but don't feel deflated if it doesn't work for you or you can't afford it.

Self-Help Techniques for Anxiety

Self-help treatments can work. You can cure your anxiety at home. The only problem with self-help techniques is that they require substantial commitment, and most people that try to cure anxiety at home give up quickly.

Why?

Because when you're at home, there's no one to keep you accountable. You have to self-motivate, and you have to be okay with setbacks, and you have to be willing to take a considerable amount of time learning more about anxiety and learning the right strategies to help you control it.

Self-help often seems easier, but it does require work. Those willing to put in that work, however, are more likely to find the results they're looking for. Here are some pages to help you get started:

If you research yourself, you'll probably find a lot of strategies for self-help. Some of them work. Not all of them do. Don't be discouraged if the ones you try aren't as effective as you hoped.

If you're ready to truly break into self-help techniques, review our self-help for anxiety handbook below.

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety is an overwhelming condition. It takes control of your thoughts. Its presence is felt in everything that you do. The longer you live with anxiety, the more it can feel like that's all there is - as though there is no other way of being than struggling with an anxiety disorder.

But that's simply not the case. Anxiety was formed. Anxiety can also be eliminated. It takes time, knowledge, the ability to overcome setbacks, and a commitment to your mental health and wellness, but anxiety can be beaten. Anxiety is learned. It can be unlearned.

The next steps are up to you. Our advice is to bookmark this handbook, so that you can keep exploring further and further into anxiety and how to eliminate it. If you have any struggles, use our search feature and find out more about it. You can also follow us on Facebook, where we post new stories and updates about anxiety, and a chance to interact with others that are also dealing with similar challenges.

Hopefully this anxiety handbook helps you get started, and keep delving deeper into the other guides we've linked to above. In time, you'll be an expert on anxiety yourself, and able to find the solutions that will work best for you.

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The Complete Anxiety Guide: How to Live Anxiety-Free

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What if you could cure your anxiety? Welcome to our anxiety guide. We have compiled over 400 pages on anxiety, including anxiety symptoms, anxiety types, anxiety causes, anxiety help strategies, anxiety treatments, and much more, with detailed and specific information that outlines every single question you may have about anxiety.

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Anxiety Information & Support | MHA Screening

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I can't stop snapping at people! | I can't deal with pressure and expectations! | Nobody likes me | Feeling lonely in a crowd | Depression and anxiety after losing a pet | I miss my friends. | What are the symptoms of PTSD? | What is posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

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Symptoms and Strategies for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) in Children and Teens

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Dr. Douglas Mennin: Hello, I'm Dr. Douglas Mennin, a psychologist and a professional member of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. Today we are discussing stress and anxiety, and now I want to talk about when you should become concerned that you might have an anxiety disorder.

The term "anxiety disorder" refers to a group of conditions that includes panicking, chronic anxiety, obsessions and compulsions, posttraumatic stress, social anxiety, and phobias. If you experience anxiety that is persistent, seemingly uncontrollable, and overwhelming, or if you have an excessive irrational dread of everyday situations that interferes with daily activities, you may have an anxiety disorder.

People with anxiety disorders have the symptoms every day or nearly every day that may cause difficulty with relationships, work and school, and other activities. Many people also have a co-occurring disorder like depression, physical illness, or substance abuse. All of these can make symptoms worse and recovery more difficult.

People who experience an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.

Here are a few important statistics: Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults age 18 and older. They are associated with the poorest marital and relationship functioning of all the disorders.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness diagnosed in children and one of the most common mental health problems on college campuses: 75 % of adults experience their first episode of anxiety by age 22. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about one-third of those suffering receive treatment. Researchers are learning that anxiety disorders run in families, and that they have a biological basis, much like allergies or diabetes and other disorders. Anxiety disorders may develop from a complex set of risk factors including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.

If you would like to learn more, visit www.adaa.org and check out our other videos on anxiety and anxiety disorders, including recognizing common symptoms.

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Dr. Douglas Mennin: Hello, I'm Dr. Douglas Mennin, a psychologist and a professional member of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. Today we are discussing stress and anxiety, and now I want to talk about when you should become concerned that you might have an anxiety disorder.

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National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

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What is anxiety?

Occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. Many people worry about things such as health, money, or family problems. But anxiety disorders involve more than temporary worry or fear. For people with an anxiety disorder, the anxiety does not go away and can get worse over time. The symptoms can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, schoolwork, and relationships.

There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and various phobia-related disorders.

What are the signs and symptoms of anxiety?

What are the risk factors for anxiety?

How is anxiety treated?

How can I find a clinical trial for anxiety?

Where can I learn more about anxiety?

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Learn about anxiety disorders, including signs and symptoms, types, risk factors, and potential treatments and therapies.

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Anxiety Disorders | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

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Discover the symptoms, causes, diagnosis advice, treatment options and related conditions of anxiety disorders.

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Anxiety occasionally pays a visit to everyone, but for millions of people, it is a constant companion that can negatively affect every facet of life unless they learn techniques to manage it.

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Anxiety is a condition that can close you off to others. For friends and family of those living with anxiety, this can represent a serious challenge. You want to help them deal with their condition, but you don't know what to say to them that diminishes their distress.

It's important to realize that while anxiety is not a physical condition, it's also not something that can be cured by logic or reasoning. Like a disease, anxiety is something that needs special treatment. In this article, we'll give a background on what it's like to live with anxiety, followed by information on how to help your family members or friends with anxiety.

Living With Anxiety

You need to realize that anxiety disorders are not like normal anxiety. It's not like the anxiety you feel before a meeting with your boss, or when you come face to face with a bully at school. It's much more complex, much less controllable, and with passage of time, more difficult to cure.

Self-Sustaining Nature of Anxiety

The first thing to understand is that anxiety itself is self-sustaining. It causes problems with your mind and body that make it more likely to experience further anxiety. For example, anxiety leads to more negative thinking, which then precipitates Anxiety can have physical manifestations, such as hyperventilation, sweating, nausea, etc., which can be very troubling. Anxiety also creates hypersensitivity, which is a mental response that makes people more prone to noticing those physical symptoms and letting it affect them.

If anxiety were just nervousness and sweating, anxiety disorders may not be considered as serious. But anxiety is so much more than that, and the longer you live with anxiety the more prevalent these symptoms can get.

Fearing Anxiety

Anxiety can also cause people to fear the anxiety itself, which unfortunately affects other areas of their life. When you're nervous about one thing (for example, social situations) you can become nervous about other things as a result (for example, amusement park rides). So when someone starts to fear their own anxiety and its symptoms, they may also develop new anxieties, or find more situations to provoke anxiety.

Learning to Forget What You Think About Anxiety

As someone with family members or friends who have anxiety or a panic disorder, it's important to understand what anxiety really is. For example, did you know that someone with anxiety can experience physical symptoms even when they're not mentally anxious? Did you know that one of the symptoms of a panic attack is a feeling of imminent death or doom, combined with intense physical symptoms that are nearly identical to heart attacks?

If you've never had anxiety, it's extremely difficult to empathize and understand, because it is so much different than the normal anxieties people experience in their everyday life. If you start trying to "cure" your friend's anxiety by assuming you understand what they're dealing with, you're going to struggle, and you may actually upset your friend or family member more.

The Do's and Don'ts of Anxiety

With that in mind, it's time to go over some tips on how to help a friend with anxiety. Note that every person is different and has different needs. There are some people who want to talk about their anxieties, and there are others who may have never mentioned it. So even with these do's and don'ts, it's hard to know exactly what you should do. However, this can be a helpful guide.

Let's begin:

DO let this person know that they can talk to you about it openly, without any fear of judgment. It's very important that they know that you're there to lend them an ear, and that you aren't going to judge them or change the way you think/feel about them based on anything they say - even if they say the same fear over and over again (because for many, the fears and thoughts are nearly exactly the same each time).

DON'T get frustrated. Those with anxiety really do know that their fears shouldn't bother them, but as hard as they try they can't stop, and expecting them to use logic to control their anxiety is extremely difficult, if not impossible.

DO spend time with them as much as possible. You being around them is a bigger help than you realize. In fact, they may not realize it either. But time spent with others makes it harder to think about their anxieties, and that makes a difference.

DON'T bring up the anxiety often. This is a tricky one - while you want to be there to talk about it, there are some anxieties, like panic attacks, that can be triggered by thinking about it. In other words, if you ask someone "how are your panic attacks?" you may accidentally trigger an attack. Let them bring it up with you.

DO tell them to call you anytime, anywhere. Talking on the phone and knowing someone is there to pick up can actually be incredibly comforting to someone that is trying to control their anxiety. Anxiety can make people feel lost and alone. Knowing that someone is a phone call away reduces that feeling.

DON'T let anxiety affect you as well. Make sure that you are working on your own stress and anxiety, because the way you feel can have an effect on the way others feel, especially as you spend more and more time again. If you're dealing with anxiety yourself, the other person is going to deal with more anxiety as well.

DO be forgiving. Anxiety can make people irritable. It's not in the control of the person with anxiety. Ideally, try your best to be forgiving. Let them know that you understand, and that even if it's not fair you're not going to quit the friendship because of it.

DON'T expect massive, immediate turnarounds. Unfortunately, controlling anxiety does take time. Those that try to cure it too fast often find they have setbacks that are sometimes worse than the initial anxiety. It's very important that you understand that curing anxiety can take a lot of time, and even on the way there, there are going to be issues that come up and fears that they're going to have. It's natural.

DO exciting activities. Try to be outdoors. Find things to do that don't involve alcohol (since alcohol can cause setbacks in anxiety treatments). Stay active. Exercise itself is a remedy for anxiety, and creating new memories can help people cope with some of the stresses of life. So try your best to get out and do things together.

DON'T guilt trip. It can be hard, but you have to remember that those with anxiety often struggle to get out of their own head. They want to relate to you, talk to you, and be friendly, but they have an incredibly hard time dealing with the thoughts they can't control. They take over their mind and their memories. If you push them too hard to get more attention or get them out of their bubble, they may withdraw further.

DO be proud of them when they improve. They'll be able to see it on your face. Remember that anxiety changes thought patterns and can make people think and feel much more negative, which unfortunately means that many of them are going to interpret your facial expressions negatively, assuming you're annoyed with them or ashamed of them. Thus making sure to highlight your positive emotions and your pride - and actually being happy when you see recovery while avoiding feeling frustrated during setbacks - can be very valuable.

DON'T give up hope. Anxiety is a treatable condition. The person in your life isn't going to always feel or believe it's treatable, and there are going to be times when even you think it might keep going forever, but the reality is that anxiety is perhaps one of the most treatable conditions available today.

DO be yourself. You don't need to change who you are, and the person with anxiety doesn't want you to change either. You are close for a reason. Be yourself. The fact that you're looking for what you can do to help this person with anxiety proves that you're a good influence in their life. Be positive, have fun, and be the person that your friends or family member loves.

Dealing with anxiety is an uphill battle, and it does take a toll on others around them. Anxiety can strain relationships, and may even cause significant stress on a loved one. Some people find that they actually start developing anxieties of their own.

But a supportive friend is an extremely effective way to treat your own anxiety. Learn from the above tips to better understand how to help your friend, family member, or a partner and you'll give them the best opportunity to overcome their anxiety and grow closer to you as a result.

SUMMARY:
Those that love someone with anxiety may feel helpless that they cannot help their partner or friend. Anxiety is treatable, but it's also a very individual experience. Learning more about anxiety is the best thing you can do for them, as well as encouraging them if they decide they're ready to treat it.

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12 Do's and Don'ts of Helping Someone With Anxiety

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Anxiety is a condition that can close you off to others. For friends and family of those living with anxiety, this can represent a serious challenge. You want to help them deal with their condition, but you don't know what to say to them that diminishes their distress.

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Bucket List Journey | Travel + Lifestyle Blog

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With negative news, high-pressure careers, natural disasters, violence and epidemics, it's really no wonder why some people can be plagued with fears-hands begin to shake as the heart starts beating faster. All of this anxiety can cause people to stop living the bucket list lifestyle they dream of.

So, how can we overcome these fears? How can we stay calm and strong in the face of turmoil? What do we do when the fear tries to paralyze all our being? There were a set of tools I used to face my anxiety and fears that might help you, but also these 8 books on fear contain decades of experience, and can guide you in the right direction.

1. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

Most of us hate fear. But Gavin de Becker claims it's a GIFT. Seriously? Yes seriously, the author is an expert on predicting violent behavior and he explains that our true fear is a signal that is called to protect us.

"You can refuse to be a victim."(1) states de Becker. He describes the warning signs which always indicate future violence. Learning these signals, a person can avoid being hurt. Gavin explains that there is a universal code of violence and it's very important for us to learn to recognize it.

After reading this book on fear you will learn to listen to your intuition, separate real danger from an imagined one, and recognize the survival signals that your brain gives you.

2. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

Brené Brown claims that your vulnerability is actually one of your strengths. Do you have this tickling feeling of disagreeing inside of your chest? The same thing happened to me when I first saw this book, but the author challenges the way we understand vulnerability and she backs her arguments with twelve years of research.

This book about fear shows us a perspective of "sitting on the same side of the table"(2) and acknowledging our imperfection. It will also help to improve your personal and work relationships by explaining to us how we can communicate and give feedback in a way that will be heard and understood.

3. Fearless by Max Lucado

"Storms are not an option, but fear is" (3). In his book "Fearless", Max Lucado helps us restore our balance finding a strong connection with God.

Max Lucado is a person of great hope. And his book is felt with honesty and kindness. Every chapter represents a complete story and helps concentrate on the positive side of life and remember simple but strong lessons from the Bible. The author explores different types of fear and helps us look our fear in the face.

Host and author Dave Ramsey recommends this book "to anyone who is tired of the doom and gloom and ready to step out of fear once and for all."(3)

4. The Confidence Gap: A Guide To Overcoming Fear And Self-Doubt by Russ Harris

Have you ever missed a good opportunity because of fear? You didn't get a promotion or didn't ask that pretty girl on a date-these situations have happened to most of us. Russ Harris gives us an incredible manual on how to overcome our fear and build self-confidence.

He uses a very special approach called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This method teaches us to accept our fears and feelings, and then we can begin to build our confidence around our core values. The author sees success as "living by your values."(4) And our values give us the strength we need to overcome fear.

5. Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway by Dr. Susan Jeffers

Turn your fear into power, your decision into action, your anger into love! Does that sound exciting? Then buckle up! Dr. Susan Jeffers will take you on this remarkable transformation journey.

Susan describes five truths about fear and gives her readers a 10-step process for creating positive thinking.

"Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" is not only a practical guide to overcoming your fears, its title is also a great mantra worth repeating again and again.

6. Do It Scared: Finding The Courage To Face Your Fears, Overcome Adversity, And Create A Life You Love by Ruth Soukup

What doesn't let make your dreams come true? - "Fear of failure"(5), says Ruth Soukup. In her book "Do It Scared", she shares her experience of overcoming your fears and living your dream. Courage does not mean fearlessness. The courage is being scared but still doing what it takes.

Ruth invites you to indicate your own Fear Archetype and learn to conquer it. The author lists 7 fear archetypes: the procrastinator, the rule follower, the people pleaser, the outcast, the self-doubter, the excuse maker and the pessimist. The names are quite self-descriptive, really. But the instructions of beating those demons are worth reading.

7. Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh

"We are very afraid of being powerless. But we have the power to look deeply at our fears, and then fear cannot control us."(6)

A profound thinker, teacher, and poet Thich Nhat Hanh uses simple sentences to convey eternal truths. The author explores the roots of fear and walks us through simple yet deep steps to calm our soul. This book is filled with spiritual power and great lightness. Hanh tells us that our greatest teacher is within us and he encourages people "not to take refuge in anything that's outside of you."

This book about fear is a remarkable journey inside of yourself-a journey to find inner peace.

8. The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy

You have the power to change your destiny. To some this is a disputable statement, but Joseph Murphy spent years of research and practice to compile this work. He says that most events that happen to us are results of our conscious and subconscious activity.

The scientist studied the world's religions for years and discovered that spiritual practice is a source of human strength.

"Just keep your conscious mind busy with expectation of the best."(7) and read this great book about fear.

We are living in an amazing time when you don't have to spend years traveling through India or Thailand to study the teachings of the wise. We can access lessons from experienced humankind just by clicking a couple of buttons. And maybe as we delve deeper into the process of overcoming our fear we will learn that fear is a choice.

CITATIONS:
1. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
2. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
3. Fearless by Max Lucado
4. The Confidence Gap: A Guide To Overcoming Fear And Self-Doubt by Russ Harris
5. Do It Scared: Finding The Courage To Face Your Fears, Overcome Adversity, And Create A Life You Love by Ruth Soukup
6. Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh
7. The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy

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With negative news, high-pressure careers, natural disasters, violence and epidemics, it's really no wonder why some people can be plagued with fears-hands begin to shake as the heart starts beating faster. All of this anxiety can cause people to stop living the bucket list lifestyle they dream of.

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The roller coaster hesitates for a split second at the peak of its steep track after a long, slow climb. You know what's about to happen - and there's no way to avoid it now. It's time to hang onto the handrail, palms sweating, heart racing, and brace yourself for the wild ride down.

What Is Fear?

Fear is one of the most basic human emotions. It is programmed into the nervous system and works like an instinct. From the time we're infants, we are equipped with the survival instincts necessary to respond with fear when we sense danger or feel unsafe.

Fear helps protect us. It makes us alert to danger and prepares us to deal with it. Feeling afraid is very natural - and helpful - in some situations. Fear can be like a warning, a signal that cautions us to be careful.

Like all emotions, fear can be mild, medium, or intense, depending on the situation and the person. A feeling of fear can be brief or it can last longer.

How Fear Works

When we sense danger, the brain reacts instantly, sending signals that activate the nervous system. This causes physical responses, such as a faster heartbeat, rapid breathing, and an increase in blood pressure. Blood pumps to muscle groups to prepare the body for physical action (such as running or fighting). Skin sweats to keep the body cool. Some people might notice sensations in the stomach, head, chest, legs, or hands. These physical sensations of fear can be mild or strong.

This response is known as "fight or flight" because that is exactly what the body is preparing itself to do: fight off the danger or run fast to get away. The body stays in this state of fight-flight until the brain receives an "all clear" message and turns off the response.

Sometimes fear is triggered by something that is startling or unexpected (like a loud noise), even if it's not actually dangerous. That's because the fear reaction is activated instantly - a few seconds faster than the thinking part of the brain can process or evaluate what's happening. As soon as the brain gets enough information to realize there's no danger ("Oh, it's just a balloon bursting - whew!"), it turns off the fear reaction. All this can happen in seconds.

Fears People Have

Fear is the word we use to describe our emotional reaction to something that seems dangerous. But the word "fear" is used in another way, too: to name something a person often feels afraid of.

People fear things or situations that make them feel unsafe or unsure. For instance, someone who isn't a strong swimmer might have a fear of deep water. In this case, the fear is helpful because it cautions the person to stay safe. Someone could overcome this fear by learning how to swim safely.

A fear can be healthy if it cautions a person to stay safe around something that could be dangerous. But sometimes a fear is unnecessary and causes more caution than the situation calls for.

Many people have a fear of public speaking. Whether it's giving a report in class, speaking at an assembly, or reciting lines in the school play, speaking in front of others is one of the most common fears people have.

People tend to avoid the situations or things they fear. But this doesn't help them overcome fear - in fact, it can be the reverse. Avoiding something scary reinforces a fear and keeps it strong.

People can overcome unnecessary fears by giving themselves the chance to learn about and gradually get used to the thing or situation they're afraid of. For example, people who fly despite a fear of flying can become used to unfamiliar sensations like takeoff or turbulence. They learn what to expect and have a chance to watch what others do to relax and enjoy the flight. Gradually (and safely) facing fear helps someone overcome it.

Fears During Childhood

Certain fears are normal during childhood. That's because fear can be a natural reaction to feeling unsure and vulnerable - and much of what children experience is new and unfamiliar.

Young kids often have fears of the dark, being alone, strangers, and monsters or other scary imaginary creatures. School-aged kids might be afraid when it's stormy or at a first sleepover. As they grow and learn, with the support of adults, most kids are able to slowly conquer these fears and outgrow them.

Some kids are more sensitive to fears and may have a tough time overcoming them. When fears last beyond the expected age, it might be a sign that someone is overly fearful, worried, or anxious. People whose fears are too intense or last too long might need help and support to overcome them.

Phobias

A phobia is an intense fear reaction to a particular thing or a situation. With a phobia, the fear is out of proportion to the potential danger. But to the person with the phobia, the danger feels real because the fear is so very strong.

Phobias cause people to worry about, dread, feel upset by, and avoid the things or situations they fear because the physical sensations of fear can be so intense. So having a phobia can interfere with normal activities. A person with a phobia of dogs might feel afraid to walk to school in case he or she sees a dog on the way. Someone with an elevator phobia might avoid a field trip if it involves going on an elevator.

A girl with a phobia of thunderstorms might be afraid to go to school if the weather forecast predicts a storm. She might feel terrible distress and fear when the sky turns cloudy. A guy with social phobia experiences intense fear of public speaking or interacting, and may be afraid to answer questions in class, give a report, or speak to classmates in the lunchroom.

It can be exhausting and upsetting to feel the intense fear that goes with having a phobia. It can be disappointing to miss out on opportunities because fear is holding you back. And it can be confusing and embarrassing to feel afraid of things that others seem to have no problem with.

Sometimes, people get teased about their fears. Even if the person doing the teasing doesn't mean to be unkind and unfair, teasing only makes the situation worse.

What Causes Phobias?

Some phobias develop when someone has a scary experience with a particular thing or situation. A tiny brain structure called the amygdala (pronounced: uh-MIG-duh-luh) keeps track of experiences that trigger strong emotions. Once a certain thing or situation triggers a strong fear reaction, the amygdala warns the person by triggering a fear reaction every time he or she encounters (or even thinks about) that thing or situation.

Someone might develop a bee phobia after being stung during a particularly scary situation. For that person, looking at a photograph of a bee, seeing a bee from a distance, or even walking near flowers where there could be a bee can all trigger the phobia.

Sometimes, though, there may be no single event that causes a particular phobia. Some people may be more sensitive to fears because of personality traits they are born with, certain genes they've inherited, or situations they've experienced. People who have had strong childhood fears or anxiety may be more likely to have one or more phobias.

Having a phobia isn't a sign of weakness or immaturity. It's a response the brain has learned in an attempt to protect the person. It's as if the brain's alert system triggers a false alarm, generating intense fear that is out of proportion to the situation. Because the fear signal is so intense, the person is convinced the danger is greater than it actually is.

Overcoming Phobias

People can learn to overcome phobias by gradually facing their fears. This is not easy at first. It takes willingness and bravery. Sometimes people need the help of a therapist to guide them through the process.

Overcoming a phobia usually starts with making a long list of the person's fears in least-to-worst order. For example, with a dog phobia, the list might start with the things the person is least afraid of, such as looking at a photo of a dog. It will then work all the way up to worst fears, such as standing next to someone who's petting a dog, petting a dog on a leash, and walking a dog.

Gradually, and with support, the person tries each fear situation on the list - one at a time, starting with the least fear. The person isn't forced to do anything and works on each fear until he or she feels comfortable, taking as long as needed.

A therapist could also show someone with a dog phobia how to approach, pet, and walk a dog, and help the person to try it, too. The person may expect terrible things to happen when near a dog. Talking about this can help, too. When people find that what they fear doesn't actually turn out to be true, it can be a great relief.

A therapist might also teach relaxation practices such as specific ways of breathing, muscle relaxation training, or soothing self-talk. These can help people feel comfortable and bold enough to face the fears on their list.

As somebody gets used to a feared object or situation, the brain adjusts how it responds and the phobia is overcome.

Often, the hardest part of overcoming a phobia is getting started. Once a person decides to go for it - and gets the right coaching and support - it can be surprising how quickly fear can melt away.

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Is a phobia keeping you from doing things you'd like to do? Learn how to recognize, treat, and overcome the problem.

What is a phobia?

Almost everyone has an irrational fear or two-of spiders, for example, or your annual dental checkup. For most people, these fears are minor. But when fears become so severe that they cause tremendous anxiety and interfere with your normal life, they're called phobias.

A phobia is an intense fear of something that, in reality, poses little or no actual danger. Common phobias and fears include closed-in places, heights, highway driving, flying insects, snakes, and needles. However, you can develop phobias of virtually anything. While most phobias develop in childhood, they can also develop in later life.

If you have a phobia, you probably realize that your fear is irrational, yet you still can't control your feelings. Just thinking about the feared object or situation may make you anxious. And when you're actually exposed to the thing you fear, the terror is automatic and overwhelming. The experience is so nerve-wracking that you may go to great lengths to avoid it-inconveniencing yourself or even changing your lifestyle. If you have claustrophobia, for example, you might turn down a lucrative job offer if you have to ride the elevator to get to the office. If you have a fear of heights, you might drive an extra 20 miles in order to avoid a tall bridge.

Understanding your phobia is the first step to overcoming it. It's important to know that phobias are common. (Having a phobia doesn't mean you're crazy!) It also helps to know that phobias are highly treatable. No matter how out of control it feels right now, you can overcome your anxiety and fear and start living the life you want.

Barbara's fear of flying

Barbara is terrified of flying. Unfortunately, she has to travel a lot for work, and this traveling takes a terrible toll. For weeks before every trip, she has a knot in her stomach and a feeling of anxiety that won't go away. On the day of the flight, she wakes up feeling like she's going to throw up. Once she's on the plane, her heart pounds, she feels lightheaded, and she starts to hyperventilate. It gets worse and worse with every flight.

Barbara's fear of flying has gotten so bad that she finally told her boss she can only travel to places within driving distance. Her boss was not happy about this, and Barbara's not sure what will happen at work. She's afraid she'll be demoted or lose her job altogether. But better that, she tells herself, than getting on a plane again.

"Normal" fears vs. phobias or "irrational" fears

It is normal and even helpful to experience fear in dangerous situations. Fear serves a protective purpose, activating the automatic "fight-or-flight" response. With our bodies and minds alert and ready for action, we are able to respond quickly and protect ourselves. But with phobias the threat is nonexistent or greatly exaggerated. For example, it is only natural to be afraid of a snarling Doberman, but it is irrational to be terrified of a friendly poodle on a leash, as you might be if you have a dog phobia.

The difference between normal fear and a phobia

Feeling anxious when flying through turbulence or taking off during a storm

Not going to your best friend's island wedding because you'd have to fly there

Experiencing butterflies when peering down from the top of a skyscraper or climbing a tall ladder

Turning down a great job because it's on the 10th floor of the office building

Getting nervous when you see a pit bull or a Rottweiler

Steering clear of the park because you might see a dog

Feeling a little queasy when getting a shot or when your blood is being drawn

Avoiding necessary medical treatments or doctor's checkups because you're terrified of needles

Normal fears in children

Many childhood fears are natural and tend to develop at specific ages. For example, many young children are afraid of the dark and may need a nightlight to sleep. That doesn't mean they have a phobia. In most cases, they will grow out of this fear as they get older.

For example, the following childhood fears are extremely common and considered normal:

0-2 years - Loud noises, strangers, separation from parents, large objects.

3-6 years - Imaginary things such as ghosts, monsters, the dark, sleeping alone, strange noises.

7-16 years - More realistic fears such as injury, illness, school performance, death, natural disasters.

If your child's fear is not interfering with their daily life or causing them a great deal of distress, then there's little cause for undue concern. However, if the fear is interfering with your child's social activities, school performance, or sleep, you may want to see a qualified child therapist.

Common types of phobias and fears

There are four general types of phobias and fears:

1. Animal phobias such as the fear of snakes, spiders, rodents, and dogs.

2. Natural environment phobias such as a fear of heights, storms, water, and of the dark.

3. Situational phobias (fears triggered by a specific situation) including the fear of enclosed spaces (claustrophobia), flying, driving, tunnels, and bridges.

4. Blood-Injection-Injury phobia, the fear of blood, injury, illness, needles, or other medical procedures.

Some phobias, however, don't fall into one of the four common categories. These include fear of choking, fear of getting a disease such as cancer, and fear of clowns. Other common phobias that don't fit neatly into any of the four categories include:

Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, is fear of social situations where you may be embarrassed or judged. If you have social phobia, then you may be excessively self-conscious and afraid of humiliating yourself in front of others. Your anxiety over how you will look and what others will think may lead you to avoid certain social situations you'd otherwise enjoy.

Fear of public speaking-an extremely common phobia-is a type of social phobia. Other fears associated with social phobia include fear of eating or drinking in public, talking to strangers, taking exams, mingling at a party, or being called on in class.

Agoraphobia was traditionally thought to involve a fear of public places and open spaces, but is now believed to develop as a complication of panic attacks.

If you're afraid of having another panic attack, you become anxious about being in situations where escape would be difficult or embarrassing. For example, you're likely to avoid crowded places such as shopping malls and movie theaters. You may also avoid cars, airplanes, subways, and other forms of travel. In more severe cases, you might only feel safe at home.

Signs and symptoms of phobias

The symptoms of a phobia can range from mild feelings of apprehension and anxiety to a full-blown panic attack. Typically, the closer you are to the thing you're afraid of, the greater your fear will be. Your fear will also be higher if getting away is difficult.

Physical symptoms of a phobia include:

Difficulty breathing

Racing or pounding heart

Chest pain or tightness

Trembling or shaking

Feeling dizzy or light-headed

A churning stomach

Hot or cold flashes; tingling sensations

Sweating

Emotional symptoms of a phobia include:

Feeling overwhelming anxiety or panic

Feeling intense need to escape

Feeling "unreal" or detached from yourself

Fear of losing control or going crazy

Feeling like you're going to die or pass out

Knowing that you're overreacting, but feeling powerless to control fear

Symptoms of blood-injection-injury phobia

The symptoms of blood-injection-injury phobia are slightly different from other phobias. When confronted with the sight of blood or a needle, you experience not only fear, but also disgust.

Like other phobias, you initially feel anxious as your heart speeds up. However, unlike other phobias, this acceleration is followed by a quick drop in blood pressure, which leads to nausea, dizziness, and fainting. Although a fear of fainting is common in all specific phobias, blood-injection-injury phobia is the only phobia where fainting can actually occur.

When to seek help for phobias and fears

Although phobias are common, they don't always cause considerable distress or significantly disrupt your life. For example, if you have a snake phobia, it may cause no problems in your everyday activities if you live in a city where you're not likely to run into one. On the other hand, if you have a severe phobia of crowded spaces, living in a big city would pose a problem.

If your phobia doesn't impact your life that much, it's probably nothing to be concerned about. But if avoidance of the object, activity, or situation that triggers your phobia interferes with your normal functioning, or keeps you from doing things you would otherwise enjoy, it's time to seek help.

Consider treatment for your phobia if:

It causes intense and disabling fear, anxiety, and panic

You recognize that your fear is excessive and unreasonable

You avoid certain situations and places because of your phobia

Your avoidance interferes with your normal routine or causes significant distress

You've had the phobia for at least six months

Treating a phobia

Self-help strategies and therapy can both be effective at treating a phobia. What's best for you depends on factors such as the severity of your phobia, your access to professional therapy, and the amount of support you need.

As a general rule, self-help is always worth a try. The more you can do for yourself, the more in control you'll feel-which goes a long way when it comes to phobias and fears. However, if your phobia is so severe that it triggers panic attacks or uncontrollable anxiety, you may want to seek additional support.

Therapy for phobias has a great track record. Not only does it work extremely well, but you tend to see results very quickly-sometimes in as a little as one to four sessions. However, support doesn't have to come in the guise of a professional therapist. Just having someone to hold your hand or stand by your side as you face your fears can be extremely helpful.

Phobia self-help tip 1: Face your fears, one step at a time

It's only natural to want to avoid the thing or situation you fear. But when it comes to conquering phobias, facing your fears is the key. While avoidance may make you feel better in the short-term, it prevents you from learning that your phobia may not be as frightening or overwhelming as you think. You never get the chance to learn how to cope with your fears and experience control over the situation. As a result, the phobia becomes increasingly scarier and more daunting in your mind.

The most effective way to overcome a phobia is by gradually and repeatedly exposing yourself to what you fear in a safe and controlled way. During this exposure process, you'll learn to ride out the anxiety and fear until it inevitably passes. Through repeated experiences facing your fear, you'll begin to realize that the worst isn't going to happen; you're not going to die or "lose it." With each exposure, you'll feel more confident and in control. The phobia begins to lose its power.

It's important to begin with a situation that you can handle, and work your way up from there, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the "fear ladder."

Make a list. Make a list of the frightening situations related to your phobia. If you're afraid of flying, your list (in addition to the obvious, such as taking a flight or getting through takeoff) might include booking your ticket, packing your suitcase, driving to the airport, watching planes take off and land, going through security, boarding the plane, and listening to the flight attendant present the safety instructions.

Build your fear ladder. Arrange the items on your list from the least scary to the most scary. The first step should make you slightly anxious, but not so frightened that you're too intimidated to try it. When creating the ladder, it can be helpful to think about your end goal (for example, to be able to be near dogs without panicking) and then break down the steps needed to reach that goal.

Work your way up the ladder. Start with the first step and don't move on until you start to feel more comfortable doing it. If possible, stay in the situation long enough for your anxiety to decrease. The longer you expose yourself to the thing you're afraid of, the more you'll get used to it and the less anxious you'll feel when you face it the next time. Once you've done a step on several separate occasions without feeling too much anxiety, you can move on to the next step. If a step is too hard, break it down into smaller steps or go slower.

Practice. The more often you practice, the quicker your progress will be. However, don't rush. Go at a pace that you can manage without feeling overwhelmed. And remember: you will feel uncomfortable and anxious as you face your fears, but the feelings are only temporary. If you stick with it, the anxiety will fade.

Facing a fear of dogs: A sample fear ladder

Step 1: Look at pictures of dogs.

Step 2: Watch a video with dogs in it.

Step 3: Look at a dog through a window.

Step 4: Stand across the street from a dog on a leash.

Step 5: Stand 10 feet away from a dog on a leash.

Step 6: Stand five feet away from a dog on a leash.

Step 7: Stand beside a dog on a leash.

Step 8: Pet a small dog that someone is holding.

Step 9: Pet a larger dog on a leash.

Step 10: Pet a larger dog off leash.

If you start to feel overwhelmed...

While it's natural to feel scared or anxious as you face your phobia, if you start to feel overwhelmed, immediately back off and use the techniques outlined below to quickly calm your nervous system.

Tip 2: Learn to calm down quickly

When you're afraid or anxious, you experience a variety of uncomfortable physical symptoms, such as a racing heart and a suffocating feeling. These physical sensations can be frightening themselves-and a large part of what makes your phobia so distressing. However, by learning how to calm yourself down quickly, you can become more confident in your ability to tolerate uncomfortable sensations and face your fears.

Perform a simple deep breathing exercise. When you're anxious, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths (known as hyperventilating), which actually adds to the physical feelings of anxiety. By breathing deeply from the abdomen, you can reverse these physical sensations and feel less tense, less short of breath, and less anxious. Practice when you're feeling calm until you're familiar and comfortable with the exercise.

Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.

Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.

Hold your breath for a count of seven.

Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.

Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.

Practice this deep breathing technique for five minutes twice day. When you're comfortable with the technique, you can use it when you're facing your phobia or in another stressful situation.

Use your senses

One of the quickest and most reliable ways to relieve anxiety is by engaging one or more of your senses-sight, sound, taste, smell, touch-or through movement. But since everyone is different, you'll need to do some experimenting to discover what works best for you.

Movement - Go for a walk, jump up and down, or gently stretch. Dancing, drumming, and running can be especially effective at relieving anxiety.

Sight - Look at anything that relaxes you or makes you smile: a beautiful view, family photos, cat pictures on the Internet.

Sound - Listen to soothing music, sing a favorite tune, or play a musical instrument. Or enjoy the relaxing sounds of nature (either live or recorded): ocean waves, wind through the trees, birds singing.

Smell - Light scented candles. Smell the flowers in a garden. Breathe in the clean, fresh air. Spritz on your favorite perfume.

Taste - Slowly eat a favorite treat, savoring each bite. Sip a cup of coffee or herbal tea. Chew on a stick of gum. Enjoy a mint or your favorite hard candy.

Touch - Give yourself a hand or neck massage. Cuddle a pet. Wrap yourself in a soft blanket. Sit outside in the cool breeze.

Meditation for stress and anxiety relief

When fear or anxiety starts to carry you away, meditating can help stop it in its tracks. And with regular practice, meditation boosts activity in the area of the brain responsible for feelings of serenity, helping to quell fear and panic before they strike.

Tip 3: Challenge negative thoughts about your phobia

When you have a phobia, you tend to overestimate how bad it will be if you're exposed to the situation you fear and underestimate your ability to cope. The anxious thoughts that trigger and fuel phobias are usually negative and unrealistic. By writing down the negative thoughts you have when confronted by your phobia, you can begin to challenge these unhelpful ways of thinking. Many times, these thoughts fall into the following categories:

Fortune telling. For example, "This bridge is going to collapse;" "I'll make a fool of myself for sure;" "I will definitely lose it when the elevator doors close."

Overgeneralization. "I fainted once while getting a shot. I'll never be able to get a shot again without passing out;" "That pit bull lunged at me. All dogs are dangerous."

Catastrophizing. "The captain said we're going through turbulence. The plane is going to crash!" "The person next to me coughed. Maybe it's swine flu. I'm going to get very sick!"

Once you've identified your negative thoughts, evaluate them. Use the following example to get started.

Negative thought: "The elevator will break down and I'll get trapped and suffocate."

Ask yourself the following 4 questions:
1. Is there any evidence that contradicts my negative thought?

Yes, for example: "People are currently using the elevator and it hasn't broken down."

"Even if it did break down, I've never heard of anyone dying from suffocation in an elevator. There are air vents which would stop the air from running out."

"I've never been in an elevator that has broken down."

2. Could you do anything to resolve this situation if it does occur?

"Yes, I could press the alarm or use the telephone to call for assistance."

"I'm fortune telling, as there is no evidence to suggest that the elevator will break down or that I'd suffocate."

"I would tell a friend that the chances of the elevator breaking down are very slim, it's not something you hear about happening very often."

It's also helpful to come up with some positive coping statements that you can tell yourself when facing your phobia. For example:

"I've felt this way before and nothing terrible happened. It may be unpleasant, but it won't harm me."

"If the worst happens and I have a panic attack while I'm driving, I'll simply pull over and wait for it to pass."

"I've flown many times and the plane has never crashed. Statistically, flying is very safe."

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Almost everyone has an irrational fear or two-of spiders, for example, or your annual dental checkup. For most people, these fears are minor. But when fears become so severe that they cause tremendous anxiety and interfere with your normal life, they're called phobias.

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The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want

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The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want [Lyubomirsky, Sonja] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want

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Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D., author of 13 books, TV show host, Psychology Today blogger, and corporate trainer, has been studying the actions it takes to reach the highest levels of human achievement for decades, and he wants to share what he knows with you.

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The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life

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The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life [Achor, Shawn] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life

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Learn what the latest psychology research tells us about how to cultivate and increase your happiness and experience more satisfaction and joy.

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The Success Starter Toolkit is your free online resource to help you live your most successful and fulfilling life. With real strategies and tools to implement into your life you can start making positive changes today.

The Success Toolkit is something that will expand over time. When new information, guides and materials are produced, they will be located here for you to have free access to. What better way to create a better life?

At The Start of Happiness, we believe in 3 things:

Making a difference in this world

Making an income doing what you love

Making yourself a high-performer and an expert at what you do

If you can master the 3 behaviours above, then you will start immense, lasting happiness not only in your own life, but in the lives of others surrounding you.

The Success Toolkit

1. The Wheel of Life: A Self-Assessment Tool

Download: Wheel of Life Self-Assessment Supporting Documentation (.pdf)
This document is to support the post on the Wheel of Life, with further detailed information on questions for guidance, templates to print off and an action plan for you to easily print off, complete and reefer to regularly.
Download: Wheel of Life Self-Assessment Supporting Documentation (.docx)
This is the same as the above however in Word format, so you can easily type in your information and actions straight onto the document.

2. The 5 Whys Template
Download the 5 Whys Template:
A quick tool for creating sustained happiness ( full post here).

3. Quick Guides

4. Bonus Free Guide

5. Create Your Own Happiness Manifesto
Download: Create Your Own Happiness Manifesto - Supporting Documentation (.pdf)
To help you with the above in creating your own Happiness Manifesto, use this as guidance and thought prompters to ensure you maximise its value

6. Happiness Manifesto
Download: Happiness Manifesto (.png)
This is a .pdf version of the Happiness Manifesto which you can quickly and easily print off and pin up in a place of importance to you so you can keep it front of mind daily.

7. Recommended Books

Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier.

If you ask him if he's happy, even though he's suffered the loss of his country, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness. How to get there has always been the question. He's tried to answer it before, but he's never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.

Conventional wisdom holds that if we work hard we will be more successful, and if we are more successful, then we'll be happy. If we can just find that great job, win that next promotion, lose those five pounds, happiness will follow. But recent discoveries in the field of positive psychology have shown that this formula is actually backward: Happiness fuels success, not the other way around. When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work.

In his first comic book, Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh shares the different lessons he has learned in business and life, from starting a worm farm to running a pizza business; through LinkExchange (acquired by Microsoft for $265 million), Zappos (acquired by Amazon for over $1 billion in stock), and more.
Book: Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom
Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and other great teachers were born with brains built essentially like anyone else's. Then they used their minds to change their brains in ways that changed history.

With the new breakthroughs in neuroscience, combined with the insights from thousands of years of contemplative practice, you, too, can shape your own brain for greater happiness, love, and wisdom.

Buddha's Brain joins the forces of modern science with ancient teachings to show readers how to have greater emotional balance in turbulent times, as well as healthier relationships, more effective actions, and a deeper religious or spiritual practice.

Well-referenced and grounded in science, the book is full of practical tools and skills readers can use in daily life to tap the unused potential of the brain and rewire it over time for greater peace and well-being.

If you can change your brain, you can change your life.

Being fully in each moment leads to peace and well-being - but it's harder than it sounds, especially in a world with constant demands on our time and attention. How do you practice mindfulness when you're faced with difficult coworkers, overwhelming schedules, or stubborn kids? In this book, Donald Altman brings the benefits of mindfulness down to earth and into everyday life. With fifty exercises and practices to build awareness and center attention, you will discover how to savor routine pleasures, build fulfillment in your work, enhance and heal relationships, change unhealthy habits, and connect to peace even in the midst of chaos or uncertainty.

One of the best known motivational books in history: Since it was released in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold more than 15 million copies. Carnegie's first book is timeless and appeals equally to business audiences, self-help audiences, and general readers alike..

Proven advice for success in life: Carnegie believed that most successes come from an ability to communicate effectively rather than from brilliant insights. His book teaches these skills by showing readers how to value others and make them feel appreciated rather than manipulated.

With Dale Carnegie's timeless advice in hand, more than six million people have learned how to eliminate debilitating fear and worry from their lives and to embrace a worry-free future. In this classic work, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Carnegie offers a set of practical formulas that you can put to work today. It is a book packed with lessons that will last a lifetime and make that lifetime happier!

Discover how to:

Eliminate fifty percent of business worries immediatel

Reduce financial worry

Avoid fatigue - and keep looking young

Add one hour a day to your waking life

Find yourself and be yourself - remember there is no one else on earth like you!

Book: Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

Why are some people and organizations more innovative, more influential, and more profitable than others? Why do some command greater loyalty?

In studying the leaders who've had the greatest influence in the world, Simon Sinek discovered that they all think, act, and communicate in the exact same way-and it's the complete opposite of what everyone else does. People like Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs, and the Wright Brothers might have little in common, but they all started with why.
Book: thxthxthx: Thank Goodness for Everything
Based on the website above and after years of being encouraged (okay, nagged) by her Mother to write thank-you notes, Dieterich began writing one thank-you note a day to whatever thing, no matter how small or odd, she was thankful for. From important gestures, like a Partner's Understanding, to simple, soulful, and quirky things like Songs You're Embarrassed to Like, thxthxthx features 200 of Dieterich's original, handwritten thank-you notes that collectively convey the look and feel of handwritten notes from a close friend.

Do you have something awesome to share? Please let me know!

Thanks for being part of something awesome! Keep Starting the Happiness not only in your life, but in the lives of others around you. You guys rock!

Start the Happiness!

Brendan

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Happiness Toolkit Backup - The Start of Happiness

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The Success Starter Toolkit is your free online resource to help you live your most successful and fulfilling life. With real strategies and tools to implement into your life you can start making positive changes today . The Success Toolkit is something that will expand over time.

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The science of Subjective Well Being, a.k.a Happiness.

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How to be Happy [Even If You've Forgotten What it Feels Like]

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There are many different types of emotions that have an influence on how we live and interact with others. At times, it may seem like we are ruled by these emotions. The choices we make, the actions we take, and the perceptions we have are all influenced by the emotions we are experiencing at any given moment.

Psychologists have also tried to identify the different types of emotions that people experience. A few different theories have emerged to categorize and explain the emotions that people feel.

Basic Emotions

During the 1970s, psychologist Paul Eckman identified six basic emotions that he suggested were universally experienced in all human cultures. The emotions he identified were happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. He later expanded his list of basic emotions to include such things as pride, shame, embarrassment, and excitement.

Combining Emotions

Psychologist Robert Plutchik put forth a "wheel of emotions" that worked something like the color wheel. Emotions can be combined to form different feelings, much like colors can be mixed to create other shades.

According to this theory, the more basic emotions act something like building blocks. More complex, sometimes mixed emotions, are blendings of these more basic ones. For example, basic emotions such as joy and trust can be combined to create love.

A 2017 study suggests that there are far more basic emotions than previously believed.﻿﻿ In the study published in Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences, researchers identified 27 different categories of emotion.

Rather than being entirely distinct, however, the researchers found that people experience these emotions along a gradient.﻿﻿ Let's take a closer look at some of the basic types of emotions and explore the impact they have on human behavior.

Of all the different types of emotions, happiness tends to be the one that people strive for the most. Happiness is often defined as a pleasant emotional state that is characterized by feelings of contentment, joy, gratification, satisfaction, and well-being.

Research on happiness has increased significantly since the 1960s within a number of disciplines, including the branch of psychology known as positive psychology. This type of emotion is sometimes expressed through:

While happiness is considered one of the basic human emotions, the things we think will create happiness tend to be heavily influenced by culture. For example, pop culture influences tend to emphasize that attaining certain things such as buying a home or having a high-paying job will result in happiness.

The realities of what actually contributes to happiness are often much more complex and more highly individualized.﻿﻿ People have long believed that happiness and health were connected, and research has supported the idea that happiness can play a role in both physical and mental health.

Happiness has been linked to a variety of outcomes including increased longevity and increased marital satisfaction.﻿﻿ Conversely, unhappiness has been linked to a variety of poor health outcomes.

Stress, anxiety, depression, and loneliness, for example, have been linked to things such as lowered immunity, increased inflammation, and decreased life expectancy.﻿﻿

Sadness is another type of emotion often defined as a transient emotional state characterized by feelings of disappointment, grief, hopelessness, disinterest, and dampened mood.

Like other emotions, sadness is something that all people experience from time to time. In some cases, people can experience prolonged and severe periods of sadness that can turn into depression. Sadness can be expressed in a number of ways including:

The type and severity of sadness can vary depending upon the root cause, and how people cope with such feelings can also differ.

Sadness can often lead people to engage in coping mechanisms such as avoiding other people, self-medicating, and ruminating on negative thoughts. Such behaviors can actually exacerbate feelings of sadness and prolong the duration of the emotion.

Fear is a powerful emotion that can also play an important role in survival. When you face some sort of danger and experience fear, you go through what is known as the fight or flight response.

Your muscles become tense, your heart rate and respiration increase, and your mind becomes more alert, priming your body to either run from the danger or stand and fight.

This response helps ensure that you are prepared to effectively deal with threats in your environment. Expressions of this type of emotion can include:

Of course, not everyone experiences fear in the same way. Some people may be more sensitive to fear and certain situations or objects may be more likely to trigger this emotion.

Fear is the emotional response to an immediate threat. We can also develop a similar reaction to anticipated threats or even our thoughts about potential dangers, and this is what we generally think of as anxiety. Social anxiety, for example, involves an anticipated fear of social situations.

Some people, on the other hand, actually seek out fear-provoking situations. Extreme sports and other thrills can be fear-inducing, but some people seem to thrive and even enjoy such feelings.

Repeated exposure to a fear object or situation can lead to familiarity and acclimation, which can reduce feelings of fear and anxiety.﻿﻿

This is the idea behind exposure therapy, in which people are gradually exposed to the things that frighten them in a controlled and safe manner. Eventually, feelings of fear begin to decrease.

Disgust is another of the original six basic emotions described by Eckman. Disgust can be displayed in a number of ways including:

This sense of revulsion can originate from a number of things, including an unpleasant taste, sight, or smell. Researchers believe that this emotion evolved as a reaction to foods that might be harmful or fatal. When people smell or taste foods that have gone bad, for example, disgust is a typical reaction.

Poor hygiene, infection, blood, rot, and death can also trigger a disgust response. This may be the body's way of avoiding things that may carry transmittable diseases.﻿﻿

People can also experience moral disgust when they observe others engaging in behaviors that they find distasteful, immoral, or evil.

Anger can be a particularly powerful emotion characterized by feelings of hostility, agitation, frustration, and antagonism towards others. Like fear, anger can play a part in your body's fight or flight response.

When a threat generates feelings of anger, you may be inclined to fend off the danger and protect yourself. Anger is often displayed through:

Facial expressions: such as frowning or glaring

Body language: such as taking a strong stance or turning away

Tone of voice: such as speaking gruffly or yelling

Physiological responses: such as sweating or turning red

Aggressive behaviors: such as hitting, kicking, or throwing objects

While anger is often thought of as a negative emotion, it can sometimes be a good thing. It can be constructive in helping clarify your needs in a relationship, and it can also motivate you to take action and find solutions to things that are bothering you.

Anger can become a problem, however, when it is excessive or expressed in ways that are unhealthy, dangerous, or harmful to others. Uncontrolled anger can quickly turn to aggression, abuse, or violence.

This type of emotion can have both mental and physical consequences. Unchecked anger can make it difficult to make rational decisions and can even have an impact on your physical health.﻿﻿

Anger has been linked to coronary heart diseases and diabetes. It has also been linked to behaviors that pose health risks such as aggressive driving, alcohol consumption, and smoking.

Surprise is another one of the six basic types of human emotions originally described by Eckman. Surprise is usually quite brief and is characterized by a physiological startle response following something unexpected.

This type of emotion can be positive, negative, or neutral. An unpleasant surprise, for example, might involve someone jumping out from behind a tree and scaring you as you walk to your car at night.

An example of a pleasant surprise would be arriving home to find that your closest friends have gathered to celebrate your birthday. Surprise is often characterized by:

Surprise is another type of emotion that can trigger the fight or flight response. When startled, people may experience a burst of adrenaline that helps prepare the body to either fight or flee.﻿﻿

Surprise can have important effects on human behavior. For example, research has shown that people tend to disproportionately notice surprising events.

This is why surprising and unusual events in the news tend to stand out in memory more than others. Research has also found that people tend to be more swayed by surprising arguments and learn more from surprising information.

Other Types of Emotions

The six basic emotions described by Eckman are just a portion of the many different types of emotions that people are capable of experiencing. Eckman's theory suggests that these core emotions are universal throughout cultures all over the world.

However, other theories and new research continue to explore the many different types of emotions and how they are classified. Eckman later added a number of other emotions to his list but suggested that unlike his original six emotions, not all of these could necessarily be encoded through facial expressions. Some of the emotions he later identified included:

Other Theories of Emotion

As with many concepts in psychology, not all theorists agree on how to classify emotions or what the basic emotions actually are. While Eckman's theory is one of the best known, other theorists have proposed their own ideas about what emotions make up the core of the human experience.

For example, some researchers have suggested that there are only two or three basic emotions. Others have suggested that emotions exist in something of a hierarchy. Primary emotions such as love, joy, surprise, anger, and sadness can then be further broken down into secondary emotions. Love, for example, consists of secondary emotions, such as affection and longing.

These secondary emotions might then be broken down still further into what are known as tertiary emotions. The secondary emotion of affection includes tertiary emotions, such as liking, caring, compassion, and tenderness.

A more recent study suggests that there are at least 27 distinct emotions, all of which are highly interconnected. After analyzing the responses of more than 800 men to more than 2,000 video clips, researchers created an interactive map to demonstrate how these emotions are related to one another.

"We found that 27 distinct dimensions, not six, were necessary to account for the way hundreds of people reliably reported feeling in response to each video," explained the senior researcher Dacher Keltner, faculty director of the Greater Good Science Center.

In other words, emotions are not states that occur in isolation. Instead, the study suggests that there are gradients of emotion and that these different feelings are deeply inter-related.

Alan Cowen, the study's lead author and doctoral student in neuroscience at UC Berkeley, suggests that better clarifying the nature of our emotions can play an important role in helping scientists, psychologists, and physicians learn more about how emotions underlie brain activity, behavior, and mood. By building a better understanding of these states, he hopes that researchers can develop improved treatments for psychiatric conditions.

A Word From Verywell

Emotions play a critical role in how we live our lives, from influencing how we engage with others in our day to day lives to affecting the decisions we make. By understanding some of the different types of emotions, you can gain a deeper understanding of how these emotions are expressed and the impact they have on your behavior.

It is important to remember, however, that no emotion is an island. Instead, the many emotions you experience are nuanced and complex, working together to create the rich and varied fabric of your emotional life.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Cowen AS, Keltner D. Self-report captures 27 distinct categories of emotion bridged by continuous gradients. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA. 2017;114(38):E7900-E7909. doi:10.1073/pnas.1702247114

Gruber J, Moskowitz JT, eds. Positive Emotion, Integrating the Light Sides and Dark Sides. OUP USA; 2014. doi:10.1093/acprof:oso/9780199926725.001.0001

Gottlieb MM. The Angry Self: a Comprehensive Approach to Anger Management. Phoenix, AZ: Zeig, Tucker & Co.; 1999.

Anwar Y. Emoji fans take heart: Scientists pinpoint 27 states of emotion. Berkeley News. 2017.

Additional Reading

Cowen, AS & Keltner, D. Self-report captures 27 distinct categories of emotion bridged by continuous gradients. Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences. 2017. doi: https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1702247114.

Mellers, B, Fincher, K, Drummond, C, Bigony, M. Surprise: A belief or an emotion? In V.S. Chandrasekhar Pammi and Narayanan Srinivasan (Eds.)., Progress in Brain Research, Vol. 202, Amsterdam: The Netherlands, 2013, pp. 3-19.

Shirai, M & Suzuki, N. Is sadness only one emotion? Psychological and physiological responses to sadnesss induced by two different situations: "Loss of someone" and "failure to achieve a goal." Frontiers in Psychology. 2017;8:288. doi: https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00288.

Staicu, ML & Cutov, M. Anger and health risk behaviors. Journal of Medicine and Life. 2010;3(4):372-375.

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The 6 Types of Basic Emotions and Their Effect on Human Behavior

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Learn about six types of basic human emotions, plus find out how emotions influence our behavior and reactions.

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When you're raging pissed and throwing a socket wrench at the neighbor's kids, you are not self-conscious about your state of anger. You are not thinking, "Am I finally angry? Am I doing this right?" No, you're out for blood. You inhabit and live the anger. You are the anger.

And then it's gone. Hopefully before the cops arrive.

Happiness, like other emotions, is not something you obtain, but rather something you inhabit. It is temporary. Always.

What this implies is that finding happiness is not achieved in itself, but rather it is the side effect of a particular set of ongoing life experiences. This gets mixed up a lot, especially since happiness is marketed so much these days as a goal in and of itself. Buy X and be happy. Learn Y and be happy. But you can't buy happiness and you can't achieve happiness. It just is-once you get other parts of your life in order.

Happiness is not the same as pleasure

When most people seek happiness, they are actually seeking pleasure: good food, more sex, more time for TV and movies, a new car, parties with friends, full body massages, losing 10 pounds, becoming more popular, and so on.

But while pleasure is great, it's not the same as happiness. Pleasure is correlated with happiness but does not cause it. Ask any drug addict how their pursuit of pleasure turned out. Ask an adulterer who shattered her family and lost her children whether pleasure ultimately made her happy. Ask a man who almost ate himself to death how happy pursuing pleasure made him feel.

Pleasure is a false god. Research shows that people who focus their energy on materialistic and superficial pleasures end up more anxious, more emotionally unstable and less happy in the long-run. Pleasure is the most superficial form of life satisfaction and therefore the easiest. Pleasure is what's marketed to us. It's what we fixate on. It's what we use to numb and distract ourselves. But pleasure, while necessary, isn't sufficient. There's something more.

Finding Happiness does not require lowering one's expectations

A popular narrative lately is that people are becoming unhappier because we're all narcissistic and grew up being told that we're special unique snowflakes who are going to change the world and we have Facebook constantly telling us how amazing everyone else's lives are, but not our own, so we all feel like crap and wonder where it all went wrong. Oh, and all of this happens by the age of 23.

Sorry, but no. Give people a bit more credit than that.

For instance, a friend of mine recently started a high-risk business venture. He dried up most of his savings trying to make it work and failed. Today, he's happier than ever for his experience. It taught him many lessons about what he wanted and didn't want in life and it eventually led him to his current job, which he loves. He's able to look back and be proud that he went for it because otherwise, he would have always wondered "what if?" and that would have made him unhappier than any failure would have.

The failure to meet our own expectations is not antithetical to happiness, and I'd actually argue that the ability to fail and still appreciate the experience is actually a fundamental building block for happiness,.

If you thought you were going to make $100,000 and drive a Porsche immediately out of college, then your standards of success were skewed and superficial, you confused your pleasure for happiness, and the painful smack of reality hitting you in the face will be one of the best lessons life ever gives you.

The "lower expectations" argument falls victim to the same old mindset: that happiness is derived from without. The joy of life is not having a $100,000 salary. It's working to reach a $100,000 salary, and then working for a $200,000 salary, and so on.

So, I say raise your expectations. Elongate your process. Lay on your death bed with a to-do list a mile long and smile at the infinite opportunity granted to you. Create ridiculous standards for yourself and then savor the inevitable failure. Learn from it. Live it. Let the ground crack and rocks crumble around you because that's how something amazing grows, through the cracks.

Happiness is not the same as positivity

Chances are you know someone who always appears to be insanely happy regardless of the circumstances or situation. Chances are this is actually one of the most dysfunctional people you know. Denying negative emotions leads to deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and emotional dysfunction.

It's a simple reality: shit happens. Things go wrong. People upset us. Mistakes are made and negative emotions arise. And that's fine. Negative emotions are necessary and healthy for maintaining a stable baseline happiness in one's life.

The trick with negative emotions is to 1) express them in a socially acceptable and healthy manner and 2) express them in a way which aligns with your values.

Simple example: A value of mine is to pursue non-violence. Therefore, when I get mad at somebody, I express that anger, but I also make a point to not punch them in the face. Radical idea, I know. (But I absolutely will throw a socket wrench at the neighbor's kids. Try me.)

There's a lot of people out there who subscribe to the "always be positive" ideology. These people should be avoided just as much as someone who thinks the world is an endless pile of shit. If your standard of happiness is that you're always happy, no matter what, then you need a reality check.

I think part of the allure of obsessive positivity is the way in which we're marketed to. I think part of it is being subjected to happy, smiley people on television constantly. I think part of it is that some people in the self-help industry want you to feel like there's something wrong with you all the time.

Or maybe it's just that we're lazy, and like anything else, we want the result without actually having to do the hard work for it.

Which brings me to what actually drives happiness....

Happiness is the process of becoming your ideal self

Completing a marathon makes us happier than eating a chocolate cake. Raising a child makes us happier than beating a video game. Starting a small business with friends and struggling to make money makes us happier than buying a new computer.

And the funny thing is that all three of the activities above are exceedingly unpleasant and require setting high expectations and potentially failing to always meet them. Yet, they are some of the most meaningful moments and activities of our lives. They involve pain, struggle, even anger and despair, yet once we've done them we look back and get misty-eyed about them.

Why?

Because it's these sorts of activities that allow us to become our ideal selves. It's the perpetual pursuit of fulfilling our ideal selves that grants us happiness, regardless of superficial pleasures or pain, regardless of positive or negative emotions. This is why some people are happy in war and others are sad at weddings. It's why some are excited to work and others hate parties. The traits they're inhabiting don't align with their ideal selves.

The end results don't define our ideal selves. It's not finishing the marathon that makes us happy; it's achieving a difficult long-term goal that does. It's not having an awesome kid to show off that makes us happy; it's knowing that you gave yourself up to the growth of another human being that is special. It's not the prestige and money from the new business that makes you happy, it's the process of overcoming all odds with people you care about.

And this is the reason that trying to be happy inevitably will make you unhappy. Because to try to be happy implies that you are not already inhabiting your ideal self, you are not aligned with the qualities of who you wish to be. After all, if you were acting out your ideal self, then you wouldn't feel the need to try to be happy.

Cue statements about "finding happiness within," and "knowing that you're enough." It's not that happiness itself is in you, it's that happiness occurs when you decide to pursue what's in you.

And this is why happiness is so fleeting. Anyone who has set out major life goals for themselves only to achieve them and realize that they feel the same relative amounts of happiness/unhappiness knows that happiness always feels like it's around the corner, just waiting for you to show up. No matter where you are in life, you will always perceive there to be one more thing you need to do to be especially happy. But it too, will be a mirage.

And that's because our ideal self is always just around that corner, always three steps ahead of us. We dream of being a musician and when we're a musician, we dream of writing a film score, and when write a film score, we dream of writing a screenplay. And what matters isn't that we achieve each of these plateaus of success, but that we're consistently moving towards them, day after day, month after month, year after year. The plateaus will come and go, and we'll continue following our ideal self down the path of our lives.

And with that, with regards to finding happiness, it seems the best advice is also the simplest: Imagine who you want to be and then step towards it. Dream big and then do something. Anything. The simple act of moving at all will change how you feel about the entire process and serve to inspire you further.

Let go of the imagined result-it's not necessary. The fantasy and the dream are merely tools to get you off your ass. It doesn't matter if they come true or not. Live, man. Just live. Stop trying to be happy and just be.

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When you're raging pissed and throwing a socket wrench at the neighbor's kids, you are not self-conscious about your state of anger. You are not thinking, "Am I finally angry? Am I doing this right?" No, you're out for blood. You inhabit and live the anger. You are the anger.

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Science-Backed Links Between Health And Happiness

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Read about how happiness leads to greater health and longevity. See how stress is related and find resources to create more happiness in your life.