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If you need help right now

If you feel like you are about to self-harm now, there are things you can do to help keep your mind off it. Watch the video about the TIPP technique - a simple technique you can use to help you in the moment.
If you are in an emergency or worried for your life you should call 999.

Self-harm is when you intentionally cause harm to yourself as a way of dealing with difficult feelings, traumatic experiences or memories, neglect, or situations that you find overwhelming. People sometimes self-harm when life feels hard to cope with.

Self-harm can look different for different people. You might find yourself doing things which are harmful, but not think of them as 'self-harm'. But that doesn't make your experience any less valid.

Self-harm can look like:

cutting yourself

using drugs or alcohol to cope with your problems

not eating, over-eating, or forcing yourself to throw up

spending all your time on addictive behaviours like gaming, social media or gambling

over-exercising and/or exercising when you are injured

biting, hitting or burning yourself

hitting walls

getting into situations on purpose where you risk getting hurt, including fights or risky sexual behaviour

Often self-harming only brings temporary relief. You might also have negative feelings after self-harming, such as guilt, shame or fear. When difficult feelings start to build up again, you might feel like you have to harm again. It can be really hard to break out of this cycle. Self-harming can become a habit and it can be upsetting to think that this is your only way to cope. But there are things you can do to stop self-harming and get better. And with support, you can learn other ways of coping when things feel too much.

People self-harm for many different reasons. Some people find it hard to explain why they do it, but often it's a way for people to let out feelings that are hard to explain or control.

There are many reasons why you might self-harm and these reasons will be different for everyone. You might be dealing with lots of intense thoughts and feelings and hurting yourself might feel like the only way to let those feelings out. Or you might feel numb and want to hurt yourself so that you can feel something.

For some people, self-harm feels like a way to show the feelings they have inside on the outside. It can be a way of:

People often start self-harming due to something stressful or upsetting that is going on in their life that is difficult to deal with . This could be something like:

suffering abuse

experiencing a traumatic incident

family problems like a divorce

money worries

bullying

a sudden change in your life, like a death, a relationship ending or moving school

exam stress or extreme pressure or criticism from family, friends, teachers or at work

low self-esteem or issues with body image

difficult feelings like loneliness, anxiety, depression or anger

an illness or health problem

feelings of guilt, failure, or being unloved

experiencing discrimination against your race, religion, sexuality, gender or disability

These are just examples. Whatever the reason you started self-harming, your feelings matter and you can get through this.

You may not always know the reason why you are self-harming. If you're unsure why, or don't understand the reasons, you are not alone and you can still get help.

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Artwork credit: @the_mini_ADHD_coach

An illustration of a face with eyes closed. Text reads: 'It's ok to feel overwhelmed.'

Things can happen in life that can leave us feeling overwhelmed, angry and hurt. Instead of finding ways to express those feelings to the world, we might start to take this pain and anger out on ourselves.

We might self-harm because we have learnt that in order to be accepted or loved we have to be 'perfect'. When we don't live up to this 'perfect' image we can feel like a 'failure'. The constant guilt, or worry about disappointing people, can make us feel like we need to punish ourselves for not being 'good enough'. If this resonates with you, you're not alone. With the right support, you can stop feeling this way, and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Sometimes people make comments about self-harm being attention-seeking. Comments like this can be hurtful and make you feel judged, alone or misunderstood. Those who self-harm actually often keep this private. However, if you do self-harm as a way of bringing attention to yourself, remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting people to notice you more and wanting to have your feelings taken seriously. You deserve to feel loved by those around you and you deserve support.

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Artwork credit: @ohhappydani

An illustration of six arms all of different skin tones. On each arm reads the word 'worthy'.

Overall, the most important thing which I hope everyone knows is you don't have to go through this alone.

I was only 14 when I started to self-harm. I was never intending to hurt myself. I was doing it for the sense of relief it provided. I felt like the only way I could function and leave my room was if I had that release.

Ways to keep yourself safe now

It's really important to keep yourself as safe as possible and reduce your risk of serious self-injury. Even though you want to stop self-harming, you might not feel able to stop straight away. Sometimes it can take time to find new ways to cope, and that's normal.

If you are unable to stop self-harming right now, make sure you are at least doing it as safely as possible. This means using sterile equipment, keeping your wounds clean, and avoiding mixing drugs and alcohol with other forms of self-harm. You can also call Samaritans at any time - whether you're thinking about self-harm or have already harmed yourself.
If you are in an emergency or worried for your life you should call 999 or go to A&E.

Things you can do to help

There are also lots of things you can do in the moment to help you not self-harm.

When you feel the urge to self-harm building, you could try to:

go for a walk or do some gentle exercise

distract yourself by focusing on your breathing

text a friend and let them know you need them to help you take your mind off things

play music and sing or dance along

hold an ice cube

write down your thoughts

hit a cushion or pillow

tear up a magazine or newspaper

make a self-soothe box

go to a public place like a park or a cafe

You might find the TIPP technique helps to stop your urge to self-harm.

This video explains how to use the TIPP technique to help you feel calmer.

Ways to keep yourself safe in the long term

There are also a number of ways to help yourself in the long term and support your recovery journey.

Talking about self-harm can feel difficult. It is understandable that you might feel nervous to talk to someone, feel like you'll be judged or feel you won't be understood. But talking about how you're feeling with someone you trust can help you to get the right support.

Try talking to someone you feel comfortable and safe with, like a friend or family member. If you don't feel like you can talk to friends or family, you could talk to someone in your wider community, such as a teacher, a school counsellor/nurse, a faith leader or a youth worker. Think about who you would feel most comfortable communicating with and how, whether it's face to face, over the phone, by text or email.

In some communities it can feel more difficult to reach out for help because of certain stigmas around mental health. If you reach out for help and the person you talk to does not react the way you hoped, remember that this reaction is about them, not you. Don't let their reaction discourage you from reaching out again. If you don't feel like you can reach out to someone you know, remember that there are still lots of people who can help. You may prefer to get support from a professional, a helpline or through a charity. Take a look at our list of organisations that can help, and don't struggle on your own.

Speaking to a professional about self-harm can feel scary, but it's often an important step to recovery. You may be worried that you'll be misunderstood or judged, but there are lots of trained people that you can talk to who understand and really care. That's because they speak to lots of young people who are going through this too. They are there to listen and support you.

It is helpful to tell the GP exactly what you are doing and what your worries are. If you need medical treatment for injuries, do make sure you get it. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to go to your GP or hospital for this - they are there to help you get better and it is not their job to judge you.

Your GP will listen and discuss the best options to support you. They might offer you an assessment with a local community mental health team, or if you are under 18, they can refer you to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) for an assessment. These assessments are so they can help you to find the right treatment, such as counselling or talking therapy, where you can talk with a trained mental health professional about what you are feeling and ways you can cope.

The types of talking therapy you might be offered include:

cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - a type of therapy that focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and actions

dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) - a type of CBT adapted specifically for people who experience emotions very intensely

mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) - a type of therapy that focuses on helping you to make sense of your own and other people's thoughts, feelings and actions

Find out more about counselling and therapy in our guide.

Sometimes the first person you speak to won't help, but that doesn't make your feelings invalid. If you are finding it hard to get the right support from your GP, you may find it helpful to turn to other support, such as your school nurse or a specialist organisation such as Samaritans. For more tips and advice getting the right support from your GP, including information about your rights as a patient, visit our guide on how to speak to your GP about mental health.

Journaling can be a helpful way to let out your emotions. It can also help you to recognise what is bothering you and any patterns in what triggers you or causes you to feel bad.

Take a few minutes every day to write down how you are feeling. If you don't like writing, try doodling, drawing or recording a voice note. Remember this is just a way to express yourself - there's no right or wrong way to do this and nobody has to see it but you.

If you want to, you could show your journal to any mental health professionals who are supporting you, to help them understand what you are going through.

Sometimes just making small changes to your daily routine can help improve your mood. Consider trying some of these changes:

Make sure you get enough sleep and stay hydrated - staying physically healthy can help you to feel happier.

Take time out when you need to - this could be going for a walk, doing some drawing or relaxing however you like to.

Think of three things you are proud of each day - you could do this when you first wake up or just before you go to sleep.

Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend - think about the advice and support you would give someone else if you heard they were struggling.

The internet can be a helpful space for those who self-harm. It offers a lot of information, advice and support. You may also find that it's easier to speak openly about your feelings through social media, rather than face-to-face. However, there is also a lot of content about self-harm on the internet that can be distressing or make you feel worse. We also know that those who have peers that self-harm are more likely to self-harm themselves. Think about how your use of social media is affecting your mood and what content is best for you. Make sure to only follow accounts that make you feel positive and safe.

Some people find it really helpful to create a 'safety plan' that they can use when the urge to self-harm is really strong. This can include whatever you think would be helpful, but generally it includes ideas of what you can do to distract yourself, who you can speak to, and what else you can do to keep yourself safe. Papyrus have a useful guide to creating a safety plan, which might help if you'd like to create your own. Although the focus of their guide is for suicidal feelings, you can use it for self-harm as well.

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Artwork credit: @crazyheadcomics

An image of a bendy road titled 'the road to recovery'. Text along the road reads: 'start', 'progress', 'hope', 'relapse', 'second attempt', 'setback', 'growth', 'change', 'calm'.

If you have self-harmed by cutting or wounding yourself in some way, you are likely to have scars on your body from this. You may find that you have a number of emotions and feelings associated with these scars, such as guilt, regret or difficulties accepting your body image. This can be particularly difficult if you are experiencing stigma around your self-harm.

For advice on how to manage stigma around self-harm within your community, take a look at Louisa's blog.

If you're really struggling with the scars left on your body, you may be able to find treatment that can help. You can find information about scar treatments on the NHS website. Scars will look different for everyone depending on skin tone, where the scar is and the type of wound that caused the scar, and this will lead to different treatment options. Not everyone will want to do this and that is completely okay - it is your body and you should only do what feels comfortable for you.

It can be really difficult if you know a friend or loved one is self-harming. It's hard to see someone you love hurting themself in that way, and it can be difficult to know how best to support them.

Just being there and letting them know they're not alone can be very helpful, but it's also important to remember that you may not be able to help them on your own.

Remember there is always support available.

Recognising the signs and symptoms of self-harm

There are lots of different ways that someone might self-harm and this can make it difficult to spot the signs. Your loved one is likely to be in both physical and emotional pain during this time. Here are some signs to look out for.

If your loved one is self-harming by cutting or wounding themself, you may be able to notice some physical signs. This could include:

keeping their body fully covered all the time, even when it is hot, like wearing long sleeves to conceal scars (this is only a sign of self-harm if they do not normally wear long sleeves or clothes that cover the whole body)

having cuts, bruises or burn marks on their body that are unexplained

unexplained scarring on their skin

unexplained blood stains on clothing or tissues

any signs that they are pulling out their hair, for example hair loss or large clumps of hair lying around

Self-harm takes lots of different forms, not just physically hurting yourself. So it's important to also be aware of the emotional signs. These might include:

becoming very withdrawn and talking less than usual to others

unusual changes in mood, such as feeling low, teary or demotivated

making suicidal comments e.g. talking about not wanting to go on

expressing feelings of self-blame, hopelessness or failure

Supporting a loved one with self-harm now
If a friend or family member has self-harmed and has injuries that need medical attention, you should take them to A&E to seek medical help.
The most important thing you can do to support someone is be there to listen. Talking about self-harm is difficult, but having that conversation can help your loved one take the first step to recovery.

Take a look at our tips below for having a sensitive conversation.

Supporting a loved one with self-harm in the long term

Here are some tips on how you can give ongoing support to someone in your life who is self-harming.

Recovery can only happen when your loved one takes steps towards this for themself. You can't force someone to get better. It can be very difficult to see someone you love struggle with self-harm, but letting them be in control of their decisions will support their recovery in the long term. But remember you should always get them medical attention if needed.

You may find it helpful to develop a 'safety plan' with your loved one. This is a tool you can use to help communicate with each other and keep your loved one safe. Samaritans have advice on this as well as a safety plan template you can use.

Speaking to a GP about self-harm may be a scary thought for your loved one, but encouraging them to do this is important so they get the right support. If they really don't want to talk to a GP, there are also lots of charity services and helplines that can help.

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was co-created by young people with lived experience of self-harm. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Self-harm | Advice for young people | Get help

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Self-harm is when you intentionally harm yourself as a way of dealing with difficult feelings or experiences. Find out about self-harm and how to get help.

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Anxiety | Papyrus UK | Suicide Prevention Charity | | Learn More

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Five tips on how to handle the after-school 'meltdown' or 'restraint collapse'

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Five tips on how to handle the after-school 'meltdown' or 'restraint collapse'

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Picture the scene: your child comes out of school and the teacher says they've behaved like the perfect child all day, but the moment you get home they have a complete meltdown. Your child screams, shouts, lashes out, sulks or generally acts in an unruly manner.
If that scene is familiar to you, you're not alone. This type of behaviour is what some psychologists refer to as 'after-school restraint collapse' and it's not unusual. It happens because your child has been busy managing their emotions all day as they navigate the complexities of school life.

When they get home, that's their safe space to let it all out!

So, now you know what it is, what can you actually do about it? Parents' Toolkit has been speaking to educational and child psychologist Dr Anisa-Ree Moses, for some tips on how to handle these outburst of emotions after-school.

1. Understand how hard school can be for some children

Dr Anisa-Ree Moses says that children can feel emotional, physical and mental exhaustion at the end of the school day. They have been trying to manage a mix of things like learning, social expectations, their own growing social awareness and all the feedback they're getting from teachers and peers.

"When they come out of that environment a pressure valve is released. If kids feel safe to express themselves, they will do so!"

The transition from school to home can also be challenging for some children: "Some kids may have difficulty separating from their parents. It's a relief when they see them, because their parent or carer represents a level of safety, but they're frustrated at the same time - the child wants them but is finding connection difficult at that moment. It's a positive reunion but it's also really emotional and can be hard for some children to channel."

Dr Moses adds that it can be particularly difficult for neurodiverse children who are coping with sensory sensitivities and the effort of containing a lot of emotions. When they come out of school they often can't hold it all in any longer.

For older children, she also says the transition home can be tricky too. They need space and time after school - they might not want to talk to you about it or will go to their room for a bit first.

Dr Moses suggests having a think about what your child needs when they come out of school.
"Do they need to go and run around the school playground a few times and let go for a bit before they walk home? Do they need movement or do they need a healthy snack? Or quiet time alone with no music or no chatting on the way home in the car or bus?"
It will be different for different kids, but Dr Moses suggests trying to be quiet on the walk or ride home.
"Connect with your child. Not by asking 'how was your day?' but through genuine emotional connection. You could say 'I'm so happy to see you, I'm glad we get to go home together, it made me happy coming out of school this way'. Being calm and using supportive words is important for your children."

She adds: "Include some downtime rather than moving straight on to homework or out to a club, so that your child can decompress. They might enjoy their clubs but still feel anxious, so build in downtime first and make their routine clear, visual and written down if they need that. You can also ask them what will help, for example drawing, reading a book or even just relaxing for a bit. Do it with them and help them to see they can do things to support themselves."

"Be understanding of their emotions - help them feel listened to if they want to talk about what's gone on, or be angry."
"You could say 'I can see you're shouting. I can see you want to be really loud, maybe let's go to the park on the way home'. Validate how they feel rather than try and control it. If they are impolite in the moment, come back to that later - talking at that moment won't help."

"Help them feel listened to and respected and make a genuine connection."
Dr Moses says the after-school 'meltdown' is an expression of emotion that often comes out physically. As parents you can recognise and label it so your child can see if for what it is.
"For example, 'I can see you are kicking the bin, I can see you're clenched and red, I can hear you're shouting and that's making me think you're angry, so I want to help you. However, here's not the safest place to do that, let's go to the park, etc.'"

"Build their emotional vocabulary and link it to the emotion - then they can tell you what they're feeling. You can say things like 'I want to help you. I can't do that when you're screaming. Let's take a deep breath, both of us.' Acknowledging it helps children to not feel alone."
With older children, Dr Moses says it's often more about them not wanting to talk or engage in any discussion about school.
"Especially for those who see school and home as two completely separate things. Just encourage them to build their emotional vocabulary, and be interested in what's happening in general in their life."

She adds: "Questions like 'how was your day?' will get a grunt or 'it's fine'. Think about what you are trying to find out. Can you remember an assignment they had or what they were going to be talking about with their friends? And connect by saying 'I'm happy to see you and hope you've had a good day' until they feel ready to come and have a conversation. Then offer yourself as being there, offer yourself as someone who wants to help and is interested in what's going on.

"Help them feel listened to and respected and make a genuine connection."

Dr Moses says your child might also be upset when they come out of school if there were any difficulties that day that weren't addressed, or there's something unresolved that's happened.

If your child's behaviour after school changes or is different to what's usual for them, try and find out if there are things happening during the school day that are affecting them.

"Think about whether you need a home-school communication book, so that you know whether what's been happening in school could trigger what happens at home. Information from school can help parents know how to approach a situation and whether there's something that needs resolving."

Connection is a great way for your child to know they're loved and that you're there for them, no matter what.
It could be snuggling up in bed, reading a book together, playing a quick game, or just having a chat.

Dr Moses suggests thinking about what your morning routine is like: "Is there anything you can build in there that can help them feel connected to you? I know this can be hard, I know how frustrating and annoying school runs can be! Let them know you're looking forward to seeing them later, just for who they are, not for what they've achieved."

She adds: "If your child is finding separation difficult, can you give them a note or something of yours to have in school? For some children, knowing that Mum or Dad is a phone call away and it won't be withheld from them helps them more.

"Also think about whether you have conversations about emotion at home. It's about helping your children with emotional literacy, building resilience and problem-solving skills, as well as building in transitioning - learning how to make things more predictable so that transitions are not as big and scary. Children are better able to manage their emotions if they know what's going to happen."

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Five tips on how to handle the after-school 'meltdown' or 'restraint collapse'

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'After-school restraint collapse' isn't unusual. Your child has been busy managing their emotions all day and when they get home, it's time to let it all out! Here are some expert tips on how to cope as a parent.

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OT Strategies to Support Early Years Children

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Primary and EY Educational Psychology consent form (2)

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Referral Form for CAMHs update September 2023

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Referral form for CAMHS Primary Care Team