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What does appropriate developmental practices mean?

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What does appropriate developmental practices mean?

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Appropriate developmental practices are the methods a teacher uses to support the child's learning in a way that is suitable for how a child learns and grows.
Optimal development and learning happen through a strengths-based, play-based approach to joyful, engaged learning.

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Appropriate Developmental Practices for Infant Teachers

Bredekamp, S., and C. Copple. Developmentally Appropriate Practice in Early Childhood Programs. National Association For The Education Of Young Children, 1997.

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Appropriate Developmental Practices for Toddler Teachers

Bredekamp, S., and C. Copple. Developmentally Appropriate Practice in Early Childhood Programs. National Association For The Education Of Young Children, 1997.

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A guide to what children should know and do in five central developmental domains

Select any item to see the associated subdomains, goals, developmental progressions, and indicators. Find related resources for frontline staff, professional development, and for families.

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Interactive Head Start Early Learning Outcomes Framework: Ages Birth to Five | ECLKC

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Explore the Interactive Head Start Early Learning Outcomes Framework: Ages Birth to Five.

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The Effective Practice Guides provide information about teaching practices that support children's development across ELOF domains. See what these practices look like in early learning settings.

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GOLD ODL_B-3 Online Progressions with 24-36 (1)

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This is a great perspective about forcing children to say "I'm Sorry."
Other things to think about:
Have the children check-in with each other.  First go to the hurt/sad child always.  Next ask the child who did the hurting if they could come with me to check in with the hurt/sad child.  Ask questions to the child that hurt.  "How does our friend look?  How do they feel?  What happened?"
Ask the child that is hurt/sad if there is anything that we (me and the child that did the hurting) could do to make them feel better and respond to their request.

Children who were hurt can be encouraged to be vocal and say "I don't like that.  Don't hit.  That hurt."  Don't be surprised is nothing changes.  Children might refuse to engage in interactions.  That's fine.  With teacher support throughout the year, children will recognize what is happening.  First they may needs lots of teachers support, then kids might go to a teacher for help, and then start doing it independently and looking for ways to make the hurt child feel better.  "I need an icy.  I hurt so and so."  Then you can have a conversation about how the other child responded and how nice it is to check on our friends.

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Lots of times children will spontaneously apologize-without being asked to.

They know that they hurt someone, and saying, "I'm sorry" is the polite thing to do, so they say it.

Happy ending!

But what if a child doesn't say, "I'm sorry" when you think he should? Do you make him?

We say "No".
(If this sounds radical, bear with us here. It'll all make sense if you read on.)

We hold a belief that (even with small children) most of the time kids know when to say, "I'm sorry" . They've seen us role model it-sometimes a lot.

So what do you do if your child doesn't say, "I'm sorry"?
If a child doesn't spontaneously apologize then there is something else happening for him and he doesn't feel bad-in which case-making him say, "I'm sorry" is asking him to lie.
When a child doesn't apologize to another child/adult that she's hurt, there are 4 basic categories that she can fall into:

The "Unaware" Child:

She doesn't realize that she's done anything wrong, because she didn't notice what impact her actions had.

For example, a toddler digging in the dirt wildly, sand flying all over. She doesn't know that there is a boy behind her and, without any awareness of it, she gets sand in his eyes. Asking her to apologize would be confusing to her.

More than a forced apology, this child can benefit from you teaching her about what happened, so she can make sense of the situation. Once she understands the situation she will probably know how to respond. ( We'll cover how to teach what happened in Part 2).

The "Young Child":

The ability to understand the perspective of another person doesn't start developing until children are around 3 years old and it continues to develop for years!

A young child who takes another child's toy may not developmentally understand that she caused the other child pain. Just like with the "unaware" child, asking her to apologize would be confusing to her.

More than a forced apology, this child can benefit from you teaching her about what happened, so she can make sense of the situation. Once she understands the situation she will probably know how to respond. ( We'll cover how to teach what happened in Part 2).

The "Sensitive" Child:

She already feels horrible; she's done something she regrets and she's blaming herself. It's just too painful to say, "I'm sorry"-that's admitting she hurt someone she cares about.

In our experience with working with children of many ages, being "sensitive" is especially common in children who appear to have a hard exterior. "Sensitive" children feel things very deeply, under their often hard outer layer. If you tell her to apologize when she's already feeling horrible she might not be ready, she could get defensive, and shut down.

What to do? Use an alternative way to reconnect ( we'll cover these in Part 2) that will help her with what she really wants-a way to repair the friendship.

The "Justified" Child:

She understands that she caused someone pain and she feels justified ("I hit him because he took my toy"). Forcing her to apologize-when she doesn't feel sorry-is asking her to lie.

Forcing her to apologize while she's feeling justified will only cause her to stand her ground more firmly, to conclude that you don't understand her ("Why should I apologize he took my toy?!") and escalate the situation.

She will be able to repair the friendship after you teach her to understand the other child's perspective (just like the "Young" child), AND learn more productive ways to solve her problem (e.g. using talking rather than hitting) AND express to her that you see her pain too (as well as the pain of the other child). Once she has those she will either spontaneously apologize or use alternative ways to reconnect. ( Again, we'll cover how to do this in Part 2).

So with a little nervousness in my stomach, I just have to ask...

What do you think?

Please leave us a comment whether you agree or not. Do you have a question? We're looking forward to hearing your voice in the conversation.

Also, watch for Part 2 where we will give you some effective alternatives to making kids say, "I'm sorry."

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Don't make kids say "I'm sorry" Part 1 - Happily Family

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Lots of times children will spontaneously apologize-without being asked to. They know that they hurt someone, and saying, "I'm sorry" is the polite thing to do, so they say it. Happy ending! But what if a child doesn't say, "I'm sorry" when you think he should? Do you make him?

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This week we are going to talk about WHAT you can do instead of asking your child to apologize.