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I still like him and I don't know why. He hurt me, touched me, and still I love him. I hope I can get over this but maybe not at the same time.

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I'm hurting because of the fact that I feel him touching and teasing me and I love it so much but I know I shouldn't. I really wish we could still meet but my mom had to put that restraining order on him. I can't believe that I still have feelings for him. Everyone says that it's not okay for me to still like him and I know but I can't shake the feeling of him touching me. When I was little we would play hide and seek at parties and he would always hide with me in my closet. Once in there he would touch me in those parts and tease me. He would always ask "does that feel good?" and it always would. Once done with that him would make me bend down and suck his dick. It would always feel good in my throat even though he would always push it deep into my throat and it would always hurt. I fantasize about having his kids and I don't know why. I want him to cum inside of me and I want to overflow. I wish I could see him again. I just feel like he really loved me... someone please help.

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I really don't know how to start this entry. I'm still hurting from yesterday and I don't know what to do. I want him to raped me over and over and over and over and over again because it felt good. I don't know why I'm like this. Someone please help....

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I really need help. Is there something wrong with me? Am I messed up? I really want to know.

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Hi it's me again. I need help really bad. I can't shake the feeling again. I feel like i'm driving all my friends by talking about my problems and I hate it. Being raped sucks. Nightmares keep coming back and in those nightmares his face is always there, the events replaying every time. One time he had sex in the forest during a camping trip. I can't believe I still love him. I hope I can tell Zoe someday.

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I feel worse now. I still feel him touching me and it's more intense than ever. It feels so good but I know it's bad. I wish I could tell Mr. S but I'm scared because I don't know how he will react. I don't want to make it weird.

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hes touching me again and I really want him to stop...

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Hi, it's me again. It's been a long time. I have been playing with myself to imitate him having sex with me. I still want him to give me his babies.

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It got worse. Everything is hurting. I need help. Am I going insane? Please if the FBI is reading this please send help I need to speak to someone that will actually listen. My friends just tease me and 988 and my therapist doesn't give me a long term solution. Please I just want help. I just need help.

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Hi, it's me again... I haven't gotten better. I might end my life. I don't know what to do anymore...

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Hi it's me again. im tired and still love him. I still want his kids and him to have sex with me over and over. I feel like my friends hate me and they're tired of me and my problems. Everyday is always the same and the year is almost over. I hate Mr. S. He has called me a dissapointment twice and I don't feel safe with any of my teachers anymore. I might end it all. someone help me...

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well Cali is on fire. Matthew is a little prick and mom thinks he's a little angel. I wish I was dead. Honestly I don't want to live anymore this year is already a mess.

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Wow.. It's been a year from one of my first entries.. well I started 8th grade and things have been going all right.. Matthew is still a prick,, but what you gonna do about it... M is out my class so I'm grateful for that. I just wish someone would help with my hypersegguality.. It sucks to have to deal with alone.. for a year update, Roblox might be getting banned, kissing bugs are an infestation, trump was elected president, and my M.H hasn't improved. I wonder if it will ever get better but in the meantime I pray the USA doesn't go into nuclear war.. when I will is you tomorrow now that I remember I have this. See you nerd!