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The sessions held were incredible and thought provoking. It got me to calm my anxiety of formulating a response and I got to practice listening to understand rather than to reply. I'm really grateful for the opportunities I got to talk to so many people from around the world and I treasure this experience greatly.

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I have had experiences in doing training but this training was in a league of its own. This truly opened me to understand how different perspectives work and how I can actually be a part of those perspectives and develop myself.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of this. Really will miss you all.

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Taking turns in conversation is easy but waiting for the stipulated seconds is hard but it helps understanding the message or conversation better. So waiting for few seconds before talking requires patience that's what I learned.

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Taking turns in conversation is easy but waiting for the stipulated seconds is hard but it helps understanding the message or conversation better. So waiting for few seconds before talking requires patience that's what I learned.

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Hi! If I remember correctly, at the last session, books on in- and out-groups were mentioned. I found it curious but I failed to take a note of them. Can you remind me please? I'm interested in reading them, you see. Many thanks!

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Did anyone have a chance to practice their deep listening across divides?  Would be very interesting for everyone if you could share .... 

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Did anyone have a chance to practice their deep listening across divides?  Would be very interesting for everyone if you could share .... 

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Pausing gets harder if you resonate with the speaker

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Pausing gets harder if you resonate with the speaker

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I had a deep discussion with my colleagues yesterday. We started with disagreement, I gave the room for my colleagues to speak first and it was easy at that point. But after I started my part of the conversation, it became harder to take the pause. There's the urge to push my points that I have mentioned and rebut my colleagues.

30mins later, we arrive at an agreement. I tried to listen to what my colleague had to summarise from his POV, and it was really hard to pause. I was so excited that instead of listening, I tend to try continue his sentences. to some extent feeding words.

What I learned here is that to deep listen, we need to learn how to control our emotions. and often, emotions arrive due to the judgement or sentiments we share on the topic. so it is really important to hold back the judgement and sentiments to be able to properly listen to the speaker

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Patience is not just a virtue but rather a practice which we all need to regularly indulge in. 

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Patience is not just a virtue but rather a practice which we all need to regularly indulge in. 

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From today's breakout rooms, I feel like that the exercise of patience was something that always came out on top. I was able to answer back in a structured manner and have a dialogue along with a conversation with someone (who played a character I disagreed with) and really set up on a conclusion. This made me realize how much I truly neglected the practice and importance of patience in some really hostile and problematic situations.

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It was quite interesting to ask another person to play a role of someone who you often argue with. A lot of times we just hear what we want to hear or even refuse to hear depends on the speaker. This categorizing action would decrease our opportunities to accept new ideas, new ways of thinking or even times to do critical thinking. It's really important to put yourself in other's shoe and see different point of view. The silence, deep breathe, and the listener role help us to be more open, and it would be interesting if we practice this kind of role-play in order to understand people around us, especially those who we have conflicts with.

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Everyday Ubuntu by Mungi Ngomane has lots of examples of recognizing the humanity in others, especially from the experience of Reconciliation re: Apartheid era in South Africa. https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/product/9780525610991-item.html?s_campaign=goo-SmartShop_Books_EN&gclid=CjwKCAjwve2TBhByEiwAaktM1DM4cHGY5FB178T4F06ROs-3WAAbRGltbcv8ZiZvkp7dK1b7eaBz3RoC-o8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

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The essential guide to Ubuntu, the South African philosophy which teaches that our common humanity and interconnectedness is key to living a better life.

"This book will open your eyes, mind and heart to a way of being in the world that will make our world a better and more caring one."
--Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Ubuntu is a Xhosa word originating from a South African philosophy that encapsulates all our aspirations about how to live life well, together. It is the belief in a universal human bond: I am only because you are. And it means that if you are able to see everyone as fully human, connected to you by their humanity, you will never be able to treat others as disposable or without worth. By embracing the philosophy of Ubuntu and living it out in daily life it''s possible to overcome division and be stronger together in a world where the wise build bridges, not walls.

These 14 lessons from the Rainbow Nation are an essential toolkit to helping us all to live better, together. In stories that recognise our common humanity, our connectedness and interdependence, Everyday Ubuntu helps to make sense of the world and our place in it. Exploring ideas of kindness and forgiveness, tolerance and the power of listening, it shows how we can all benefit from embracing others. Including practical applications and mindful exercises, it is an inspirational guide to a more fulfilling life as part of the large family to which we all belong.

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Everyday Ubuntu: Living Better Together, The African Way

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The essential guide to Ubuntu , the South African philosophy which teaches that our common humanity and interconnectedness is key to living a better life. "This book will open your eyes, mind and heart to a way of being in the world that will make our world a better and more caring one."

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Is the Zoom link for today the same as last time?

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Hey everyone. I hope you are all dooing well. I had a question related to the refelction sheet from the previous session. Once we are done filling it do we have to sahre it and if so then where should we share/upload it

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How can I not lead the conversation when summarising?

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How can I not lead the conversation when summarising?

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One thing I've learned in the past is to not ask leading questions. But I realise when summarising, one tends to lead with their perception of the story. How best to avoid this? or is it just me :D

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I run a lot of workshops and ideation sessions and listening to participants, users, customers is what I emphasise on. But how do i do it with time constraints? Secondly, how do i do it when i want to get decisions? for both, i normally try to do it as i summarise by creating a narrative that is agreeable as fast as possible...and is there a better way?

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Is deep listening a skill I can professionally learn? Are there more courses or professional training that offer these? Would love to learn and explore more of the concept and techniques as it has been truly eye opening. 

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Is deep listening a skill I can professionally learn? Are there more courses or professional training that offer these? Would love to learn and explore more of the concept and techniques as it has been truly eye opening. 

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More reading - for those who want to find out more on deep listening

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More reading - for those who want to find out more on deep listening

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I wanted to share with you links to articles that I and others have written that are relevant to this course – so if you want to find out more – you can!

Most of my articles on deep listening are here EmilyKasriel.com https://www.emilykasriel.com/listening

I haven’t yet put there this piece that I wrote after interviewing two participants from the pilot we ran last year with Lebanese citizens (also on zoom) https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-60558016

The late Carl Rogers is a real pioneer in the Deep Listening space.  I particularly recommend this article that he wrote with Richard E Farson https://wholebeinginstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/Rogers_Farson_Active-Listening.pdf

This article in the Harvard Business Review is co-authored by Avi Kluger – a significant academic in the listening space, whose course I participated in and spoke at.     https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-power-of-listening-in-helping-people-change

I mentioned the Silence is Golden academic research on negotiations – more details from the author https://exec.mit.edu/s/blog-post/jared-curhan-says-silence-is-golden-MCTAXYYYLBJZG3XOG2PGCEJPUXBM

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How do you identify that you have a prejudice or judgement in the first place when you are surrounded by that since you were born?

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How do you identify that you have a prejudice or judgement in the first place when you are surrounded by that since you were born?

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I am asking this as there are a lot of things we never truly grasp until we have hurt someone due to those beliefs or by making a mistake which let us realize that we are being judgmental in the broader perspectives. This is why I wish to know how we can identify so that those said situations do not become a reality.

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Hi, as someone who's been diagnosed with both of these conditions, it's been really hard to stay focused on a conversation. The (prevalent) symptoms being exhibited by ADHD are different for both sexes, but what's most common is the wandering of the mind and the inability to focus on a single line of thought. One common effect of ADHD being displayed in conversations is cutting-off people - most of the time it's not intentional because we tend to lose track of our thoughts (as it goes as fastly as it comes).

With regards to anxiety, I get so shy about speaking up and tend to just keep quiet as I'm afraid of messing up. Talking gets me so nervous I tend to not be able to articulate my thoughts properly, stutter, and use a lot of space fillers (e.g. um). This also results in feeling so bad for others as I know I could've done better.

So far, by using this platform, I'd like to ask how others get by with these instances. Also, I'd like to ask if maybe there will be a discussion about this.

I learned a lot from today's session and am thankful for the people whom I talked to in the breakout rooms. Lovely to meet you all and see you next session! 🌸

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I felt really special to be a part of this global group. This is a great way to build solidarity and oneness given this time of turmoil that we live in. A safe space where we can be true to ourselves and to each other. Lots of love to the group.

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I'm quite surprised that we are encouraged to use the chat box because 1) when we are typing, we are not listening to the speaker, 2) it encourages us to write the first things on our mind instead of listening and giving silence, 3) it's extremely distracting to people trying to listen to the speaker because we can't mute the chat, 4) when links (like this) are sent, people end up typing in here (like me now) instead of listening. I would really appreciate it if we could refrain from using it and especially having  conversations in it.

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At first, it was uncomfortable for me because I have the tendency to get very shy with strangers. Opening up is very hard for me but then when I went to all the breakout rooms, I felt that I was okay and got comfortable sharing a bit of myself. I appreciated those who I spoke to, listened to, and observed today. They were very open and engaging. They are not limiting. The "tell me more" activities were so amazing to me. I guess I needed 10 seconds to absorb what I heard and at the same time reflect on and be aware of my thoughts and body language. We are all brave and accepting.

I thought I am a good listener but the deep listening session provided me an insight that I can actually do more - as a listener, a speaker and an observer. So much to learn for the next 2 sessions! Looking forward!

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Networking and getting to know each other 

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Networking and getting to know each other 

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i met some really amazing people and it was great ot connect with them i hope to connect with them other than the sessions too if there isa way to get to know each other osically that will bve really great keeping in mind the consent

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this was a good first time experience looking forward to more

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During both the sessions, I feel like it was really easy for the listener to keep track of as well as the speaker to recollect and come on the same page as the speaker when keywords get used for bringing about the conversation. Keywords also act as milestones for both the listener and speaker to move forward on.

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As an introverted person, most of my time conversing is spent on listening and today, i learned that there is more to it than mere listening but actually exploring and making meaningful connections. I think its a very beautiful thing to exercise, to learn more about the person and what things mean to them; their thoughts and feelings. its nice and i think it would be even more great to share this way of connecting to other people.

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What are we allowed to share on social media from this?

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What are we allowed to share on social media from this?

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I believe we're not allowed to share the readings, and there's a big focus on anonymity, but is there anything we're allowed to share week-by-week on e.g. LinkedIn?

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Tips to stay present as a speaker/listener

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Tips to stay present as a speaker/listener

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Anybody else found their minds wandering WHILE speaking? I felt my brain wanted to respond/add to my own points, afraid of forgetting a point. I found myself more present when listening and observing, but often also thinking of responses or sharing a point of connection with the speaker that I want to jump in with. Anybody have tips on how to be more present while speaking, listening, observing?

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I found it fascinating to learn that people have different ways to interpret in the third breakout room, where we had to summarise the speaker's narrative. I found the way they summarised was so different from how I would've done it so it makes me think so much more on how I should listen to the speaker, and how to soak in the information. It was a great learning experience!

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I think it's a good practice that before we start replying to someone, we need to ask their preferred pronouns. That, in itself, is a good indicator that we're interested in understanding them and their stories.

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For me, I always find listening to people are more interesting than talking, but today, I learned that instead of just listening, we can encourage the speaker in different ways and even create an opportunity for both the speaker and the listener to think more or think more deeply with the 10 seconds pause. Could anyone offer any further information about the 10 seconds pause? Why is it 10 seconds and how can we avoid making the speaker uncomfortable because of that silence?

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I enjoyed observing people's facial expressions as they told their stories and as listeners listened with curiosity. I noticed that sometimes people tightened their lips or slightly opened their mouths and that their eyes changed whilst listening. I noticed that this was a sign of trying to think about a question to ask, or a sign that they wanted to share their experiences. Remember to listen with curiosity and try not to plan the next question you will ask in your mind. It shows in your facial expressions.

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I was having a casual conversation with my friend in the restaurant. He told me about his favourite food and I remembered the activity done in the breakout room. I listened to him without any judgement and clarified to assure what he said was the same as what I absorbed. I found that my friend was more comfortable talking to me and in fact shared more details about the topic. I realize the speaker tends to open up more on the topic discussed when I practice deep listening. Thank you so much for the first session, I learnt a lot and happy that I'm improving my listening skill.

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hi guys!

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This is a space where you can discuss what you've learned. You can ask questions, share your experiences as well as offer advice to your fellow participants. Please continue to abide by the British Council's code of conduct in this space. The Crossing Divides team will also be here throughout the next 3 weeks.

Click anywhere on the board to start posting!