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"Renjun, you go first." Jeno said, ushering his boyfriend to sit in front of the big ass mirror. They just finished their Indonesian Concert and was waiting to have their makeup removed. The rest of the guys already went ahead, and it's only Jeno and Renjun left in the green room. Not that they mind, they don't really care if they're last as long as they're together.

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Went to my psychologist today :)

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I need someone to talk to, but I don't know to whom. Everyone seems busy, and I don't want to be a burden or a distraction.
Tbh, I wanna write so very bad. But my confidence kills the flame. One paragraph, one sentence, one wrong word and the sparks are gone and I am left frowning at my screen, thinking, "oh, this doesn't seem good enough." and then I hit delete, toss away my phone and overthink...

It has gradually increased each day, and I am led to believe, that overtime, I am already loosing the will to write...

I want to delete them all.
I want to hide it, gatekeep them, just throw them away because they all feel underwhelming.
I wanna cry so bad, but I can't.
I'm an adult, I have two jobs, I have sisters to help graduate, my parents rely on me now.

I am so heartbroken with what I'm about to do...
I don't know if I should really do this...
I have already posted the link of my gdocs on my priv...
I can change the restrictions in one click and everyone is free to see the rough drafts of it...

One move, and I am going to release my thoughts and throw away the ability to finish them, complete those stories I've been giggling to myself with.

I want so so bad to share them all to everyone who enjoys noren and the love between them. I was so excited, so adamant to publish and see how'd people react, if anyone shares the same sentiments, the same thoughts as me...

But maybe I'm too aloof, too cold that people think of me as unapproachable that no one hardly talks to me about them...

Like an empty echo.

December, the holidays...if I can. If I find the time, find the sparks again...I will continue this happiness of mine.

If not...no one will see me next year.

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I really really wanna post something but I can't finish them just yet. I also want to update some fics but I don't wanna be seen? Like I just wanna update but you guys are subscribed to it so if I update and has the date of submission changed to a later day so it won't be on the latest postings, you all will still see it right? Damn, I wanna be lowkey. I don't wanna be perceived :((

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Renjun isn't a nosy person.

No, he is definitely not into gossip. But he is part cat, a shifter, and most cats are of course, curious—like the saying always goes. He doesn't care about people's business, but he do cares about their well-being, because he is kind! Not because he's some sort of a tattletale! No, definitely not. Although, he do likes roaming his neighborhood in his cat form, no one would ever know it was him anyway. He enjoys the fact that he gets to see his neighbors' secrets, and lives to never tell anyone about it. Of course, because he's kind! He already know so many by now.

Every week, on his day offs, he'd happily shift into his feline form and wander around the neighborhood, feeling the warmth of the sun, the cool breeze by his fur, and the soft earth by his paws. He likes the serenity, loves the song of nature. After his stroll outside, he'd watch his friends, look after them like an angel sitting idly by their window pane of their homes. He had saved lives doing so, when once his old neighbor choked on a chicken bone and he hurriedly jumped in, dialed the landlord and 911 in his cat form. The neighor viciously coughed but sent him a look of wonder—at least he saved the man. Eversince then, the old man would give him treats whenever he passes by, as a cat. Oh if only he knew it was Renjun all along.

Sometimes it's not only for saving lives, sometimes it's just him seeing an embarrassing or cool side of his friends. That Mark doesn't know how to cook eggs that one time he tiptoed by his window. That Chenle has a whole collection of rare signed items by his favorite basketball player. Renjun didn't know he was such a super fan. Or the fact that his shy neighbor Jisung is actually a great dancer. He's still trying to coax him to dance with him during bar hopping nights.

Though sometimes he wished he wasn't so curious because the last time he peeped through one of his neighbors, he found Jaemin and Donghyuck going down on each other. He almost fell off the window sill from the shrill moan he heard from one of his friends.

Never again, he thought.

But Renjun sometimes forgets how easy it is to say things than to actually do them.

It starts when his former neighbor decided to move out, having their place be leased to someone else. He remembers his neighbour telling him it was a nice lad, a son of one of his peers, by the same age as him. He was told he would arrive on a Monday, a busy day for Renjun, being a sports journalist and all, he's definitely not gonna see his new neighbor alright.

It doesn't bother him at first, not when he's too tired after a day of work, not when he's too hungry, too stinky, eager for a bath that he forgets about the new neighbor all together. Days came by and Renjun totally forgot about him. What's funny is, he never ever got a glimpse of him for almost a week by now!

Who is this person and why haven't I've seen him out of his cave?

Renjun wonders, but thought, maybe he hasn't moved in afterall. If he had, shouldn't he be knocking on his door to introduce himself? Maybe he isn't such a nice person, must be a grumpy guy. Renjun shrugged off the thought, not wanting to be friendly with someone that doesn't want to socialize at all.

🐱

"Jeno is soooo cool! Have you seen his muscles?? Man is ripped!" Chenle, his neighbor from unit N-22 says, hands flailing, tapping on his own arms to emphasize how big and hard the so called Jeno's arms was.

"Dude! He invited me to go on a bike ride and I was dying! I couldn't keep up! His speed is crazy!" His other neighbor, Mark, from unit N-02 says. "Even Jaemin had a hard time!"

Jaemin from unit N-13 groans at the reminder. "It was an uphill, okay!"

"Jeno-hyung seems like a great dancer too." Jisung from N-12 says, immediately went red at the realization and quickly saves himself. "I-I saw him f-from out the street. H-He dances really well!"

"Jeno dances out the street?" Donghyuck from unit N-06 asked. "Cool, he plays computer games really good too! He carried our team last time and got triple kills!"

Jeno this, Jeno that. Who the hell is he?

"I'm sorry." Renjun interrupts. "Who's Jeno?"

The table went silent, everyone freezing in their seat in disbelief. Mark blinks first. "He's your neighbor, from N-04?"

"Oh." Renjun looks down at his drink, watching the tea leaves float. Right, his new neighbor that he hasn't even met for days, maybe almost two weeks by now. He's his neighbor, the closest door, the door next to his, and yet, all his friends seems to have become all buddy-buddy with the guy all except him. Renjun suddenly feels left out, a bad neighbor for not welcoming the new neighbor like how his old neighbors did for him.

"Can't believe you two haven't met, not even once. And you're neighbors!" Chenle chimes laughing, the rest follows with their own tiny laugh. Renjun only glares and pouts at them, clearly embarrassed.

"Not my fault he's always in his cave." He murmurs against his cup.

"Nu-uh. I've seen him knock on your door everyday but you're an early bird he never really got to catch you." Donghyuck comments before eating his pizza slice. "He'd been trying, but you're always out and about."

"Duh! I'm a working adult. Of course I'm always out." He puts his cup down, pouting at his friends. Everyone of them are busy yuppies trying to stabilise themselves in this revolting world that revolves around money. "It's not my fault we're night and day."

"He also comes by at night, but you're probably asleep by then." Jaemin dismisses and speaks for Jeno. "Guy wanted to meet you, but you're always busy."

Renjun rolls his eyes, tired of explaining. It's only been two weeks, surely he'll have a chance encounter with his next door neighbor. What slim chances could hinder their inevitable meeting?

Renjun sighs, shaking his head at his friends. "I don't really care if I'll ever meet him or not. As long as he doesn't make noise as loud as Chenle's neighbors."

"Hey! Hendery might be weird at night but he gets my nocturnal side!"

Renjun merely coos at him, pinching his cheeks as apology.

"I bet you'll never get to meet him." Donghyuck singsongs, finishing his slice. "You're too uptight and he's well, a swell guy." He snorts. "Swell guy."

Renjun frowns. "Hey! I'm swell too!"

"Yeah? Bet ya wouldn't see him for a whole week starting now!"

"I bet two weeks!" Jisung smiles, raising a palm.

"A month!" Mark jumps in his seat, bringing a hand up to catch Jisung's.

"Two months!" Jaemin seconds, laughing at Renjun's frown.

"An entire year!" Chenle adds giggling.

"You're all so mean!" Renjun folds his arms and pouts. "An entire year is too much! It's not like we're world's apart!"

🐱

Turns out, Renjun was wrong all along.

Five days after, he found himself in his feline form, tiptoeing around his neighbor's house. Not wanting to knock on his door in fear of getting caught by his friends, because as they said—

"It should be a chance encounter! Not by choice!"

Doesn't he have such nice friends? He rolls his eyes, walking on four by the window sill, careful not to fall off the edge. He's used to this by now, never scared of heights because he has perfect agility, flexibility and he's a cat! He's elegant okay.

He decides to take a peek at his mystery neighbor, knowing full well he shouldn't but he just had to! Else he'll never be able to see him. He isn't sure how he'll turn this risky plan into a chanced encounter though. But it's better that he knows who's he dealing with, and if it's worth it of course. His neighbor could be a bad guy and might just be fooling everyone.

Right! What if he'd been drugging them! My friends are such fools!

So angel-slash-feline Renjun goes to work to save the day once again. He drops down from the window sill and to his neighbors' balcony. Going still for a moment to check his surroundings, no dogs, no extra cat or anything malicious so far. No smell of weed or tabaco, no cult looking things or anything weird. Just plain normal guy like room.

"Huh," Renjun tilted his kitty head. "He seems normal." He thinks and walks through the sliding door. Only to reel away bumping on clear glass. He winced, rubbing at his nose with his paws. Of course, his neighbor is away at this time of the night, how the hell could he enter such a private space?

Suddenly, the doorknob rattles and the door swings open. Renjun blinks staring wide eyed at the man, huge, tall, and handsome. So handsome Renjun didn't realize he was staring too long that the guy is already in front of him, opening his door and cooing at him.

"Hi little kitty." He coos, smiling so sweetly that Renjun instantly purrrs. The man, his neighbor Jeno, gently lays a hand on his hand and scratches the back of his ear. If he was human, he'd be moaning instead. "Gosh, this is why I hate being touched by humans!"

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Written in Taglish

Mausok, mahangin, at lumalalim na ang gabi. Nakatayo si Renjun sa gilid ng kalsada, nag-aabang ng masasakyang Jeep, pawisan at bitbit n'ya sa bawat kamay ang mga bagahe na mabibigat. Pagod at gutom ang iniinda ni Renjun, subalit kahit nasusuka na dulot ng kalamnan ng sikmura, nahihilo sa mga sasakyang dumadaan, mga ilaw na nakakasilaw—nariyan pa rin sya, nagtatiyagang maghintay ng jeep, makasakay at makauwi lang.

Sa mga oras na yun, may dumaang sasakyan, kulay puti na sedan, magkasintahan ang nasa loob, masayang nagkukuwentuhan, tila ba'y walang mga problema at tanging isa't isa lang ang napupuna.

Di mapigilan ni Renjun ang hindi umiwas ng tingin. Naiingit siya. Malungkot n'yang pinagmasdan ang dalawa, hindi naman nila sya mapapansin kasi may sarili silang mundo, sila lang ang natatangi roon. Para kay Renjun, isa ito sa mga naranasan nya noon, ang magkaroon ng taong sa kanya lang umiikot ang mundo mo.

"Naaalala nya pa kaya ako?"

"Namimiss nya rin kaya ako?"

"Nanghihinayang din ba sya?"

Taon na ang lumipas pero heto pa rin sya at nagtataka, nagtatanong, umaasa. At tulad ng dati, kapag siya'y naiisip, sisikip muli ang kanyang dibdib, kumikirot ang puso, at nangingilid ang mga luha, nakakunot ang noo at napapaluha na lang s'ya ng wala sa oras.

Biglaan. Lahat ay biglaan. Biglang dumating, at biglang nawala.

Anim na taon n'yang inibig, anim na taon s'yang nagtiis, naghintay, nagmahal — pero sa iba napunta.

Kaibigan lang. Hanggang doon lang ang kaya niyang ibigay, sabi niya. Ganun pa man ay sapat na iyon para kay Renjun, pero sa araw-araw na nakakasama at nakikita nya sila, di mapigilan ni Renjun ang sama ng loob.

"Ako naman ang nauna, pero bakit sya ang pinili?"

"Ako naman yung laging nandyan para sa'yo, pero bakit siya ang hinahanap mo?"

"Ako, na minamahal ka ng buo at lahat lahat, pero sya ang minahal mo...bakit hindi ako?"

Lilipas din yan, naalala pa ni Renjun ang mga salitang binitiwan ng kaibigan na minsan n'yang inibig. Baka daw ay di nya naman talaga sya mahal ng tunay at baka kailangan lang nyang sanayin ang sarili na sila'y magkasama.

Lilipas din yan, parang lagnat.

Pero lumipas ang maraming taon, pero hanggang ngayon, di pa rin gumagaling ang mga sugat ng kahapon.

Hanggang ngayon, pagkatapos ng desisyon n'yang iwasan at iwanan ang matalik na kaibigan, hanggang ngayo'y iniisip nya pa rin ito.

"Kumakain na kaya sya?"

"Masaya kaya sya? Siguro, kasama naman nya ang girlfriend nya."

"Naghihintay din kaya s'ya ng jeep? Siguro hindi, may kotse naman s'ya. Imposibleng magkasabay kami..."

Hindi na tulad ng dati, hindi na.

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“Renjun, we dare you to kiss Jeno if you don’t want to wash the dishes!” Hyuck declares, pointing at the ill-fated Renjun who once again loses in the game of rocks-papers-scissors, as always.

“Fine!" Renjun huffs, eyes ablaze as he turns his way to the person that's been sending butterflies in his stomach. He took a deep breath and wills himself not to blush.

"Jeno!”

Jeno blinks at him, surprised Renjun would actually try to do their bidding just to get out of his punishment. “Are you sure? You want to kiss me?” He makes a confused sound as he points at himself.

Renjun stomps to his direction, determined eyes as he pulls his head down, puckering his lips and standing on his tiptoes to catch Jeno’s lips. But to no avail as he struggles to pull Jeno’s head down, Jeno holds his waist down, pulls away and actually laughed at his face. “You don’t have to do this Injun-ah, I’ll do the dishes for you.”

Renjun thinks that’s way better than following the other’s dare, but as soon as he turns to look at the devils, they gave him a look of disappointment, tutting as they shake their heads. “Jeno won’t even let you kiss him, how shameful.”

“Guess you’re stuck on doing the dishes till you’re forty.”

Feeling a sense of dread, Renjun huffs at them before going back to Jeno, eyes flaring with renewed passion as he thinks of a way to kiss the taller.

“Renjun, don’t listen to them, they—”

Jeno lets out a yelp as Renjun practically jumps out of his hold, looping his arms around his neck and pulls him down hard, catching his lips in a burning kiss. Jeno froze, feeling the softness and the way Renjun’s lips moved gently against his, sucking a little on his bottom lip before he finally lets go. They lock eyes for a moment before Renjun pushes him away, turns his back on him and with a red burning face, he says,

“There! I k-kissed Jeno!" He shouts at them before I look of realization hit him. "Oh my god! I kissed Jeno!” He shrieks the last words, grabbing his hair as he squeals down the floor, melting with his heart beating fast and his lips tingling from the kiss he just gave. Jeno remains frozen behind him, wide eyes and barely breathing.