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Nice to put things down on paper. No a-has.

Excited for AEA, the theme, and the possibilities here.

It's a topic we are well-versed on.

not sure if I like managing people

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The practice of thinking about the three R's was interesting -- I don't think I know or have certain things anymore. How many are mine or really other people? Is my ritual letting people take my shit? I hate that for me. But also that might be a truth.

In life I am in a transition and now -- what do things mean?

What does it mean to be in a leadership role again -- because I laid that down?

What does it mean in this context -- where we are trying to be well?

What are things that I feel like are good that I have learned? What do I need to deconstruct and let go?

These questions going through my mind as I went thru.

I felt most energized around: How do I build org strategy with this context? How do I make connections with what's already in my mind?

I was most perturbed by the QUESTIONS section -- it was difficult AND THEN ranking questions. (frustrated face)

I am very logical --- I see the steps and then add creativity.

There is a lot of information and I don't what to do.

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I don't plan on working anywhere else -- that's not a goal, especially since I know my past.

I loved the work but was not well doing it.

If I could do the work and be well while doing it --- maybe less turnover and the implosion of the NPIC.

I just want to be a good community member. I don't want who I am here to not be different than who I am when I am not here -- alignment across the things.

I am struggling with the question -- I don't know what it means to be Director of Org --- what is my footing here and not having full confidence in those things quite yet.

But I'mma be here for awhile ---

I actually like to lead when I don't want to lead. I don't mind leading things but I don't always want to be that person.

What makes me a leader? Do I like it? Why am I leading?

I like to lead, but can I do so from the back.

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Things feel great and I feel cared for considering where I have been before I got here...

Appreciating directives -- to break patterns of "it has to get done".

But can you just let the chips fall? Can you leave it for tomorrow!? There are deadlines!!

Challenged by rest as resistance and that wasn't how I was raised either.

reminders about do you need a day off?
the space to say "I aint got it!"

It's hard to center to Ebony.

"Do you want to be well?"

This question is hard ---

Working at home is great but what about our office to make it conducive -- the longer I go remote the more I miss being in person.

Feedback -- I love words of affirmation but I hate to have to say that out loud. Helps give my brain focus.

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I love READS. I was done with reading after undergrad. The first year was so hard --- but I actually really enjoy it. A LOT.

I enjoy thinking about the connection about RACE Academy and Strategy. I like this puzzle.

I love to facilitate and I hate doing it virtually.

I loved people development at City Year --- the learn and light bulb click -- I enjoy it. EX: Koren's task management has improved.

I like the "fun" parts --- BC and other team experiences.

I love RPOP clients -- excited to go see them in person. This is the one project where people are doing what they said they are going to do. This is great!

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In the past I was a good learner because I complied -- I followed the rules.

I always have the curiosity to want to know more --- I want to also get to that knowing and understanding. I enjoy knowing things -- having a random bank of information. My curiosity leads me to be a good learner.

I fundamentally believe I can learn from anything -- there is always something to learn.

* the audacity to think that Latin America created hip movement

Tiered learning - I need to hear, practice, and come back and discuss --- kinestic learning style "learn by doing" but it is frustrating because I hate failure. -- but I want some foundations. Remembering that people were bad at the things they were really great at.

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First was --- my mind is still kinda blown --- the interconnectedness between the answers, the reading, and where I am at. I did my agenda awhile ago and then Rest is Resistance put it altogether.

Second -- I had made the agenda before figuring out the allergy I am dealing with my eyes and my relationship about my relationship to sadness. All of this coming together --- these are big things that are showing up.

When I did it, I broke it off into parts --- I noticed the first time I went thru it was really surface level and the second time it got some real questions.

A lot of a-ha moments.

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I get the question but the answer isn't here. I know a big part of my contributions to the space: To provide all of the aid and ease of work (different models and systems) -- creating a network that exists and isn't used anymore. I want to help to create ease in the flow of work -- not sure how that looks as a legacy.

What if we could work for Black Art communities on the national scale? That would be dope AF and be really nice. *Mikey and Deja have this view too.

How can we support Black folks who have a multitude of impacting other people's lives?

Can we talk to Tyler Perry? <-- another thing!

What could happen in terms of Black dollar, Black community and Black research --- he is dominating in Black ownership in art. What happens to combine this with more purpose?

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Needs BITCH BE FUCKING FOR REAL energy and accountability.

Deeper philosophy conversations. We do it in READS, but we need it more organically for that kind of explorations. What does that mean to you? and spark imagination?

Is my internal voice sharp or is this just how I talk and maybe that's what I got to do?

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Love in-person DONUTS!

All the in-person stuff. An open work session -- library as example or virtually.

I like the office hours concept -- need to take advantage because

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I like to talk about what I am learning, but actually that just supports me in learning something new.

I am a good learner because I'm curious and I want to pull things all the way apart. Sometimes I am looking at a piece of something and misunderstanding the whole, but there are benefits in pulling things a part and putting them back together.

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Sitting with the veil --- the three parts about W.E.B. DuBois.

Compelling? I said that it is important for me to develop a vision of my own underneath your own, but I couldn't.

There was some push-pull to explore.

I don't know what my vision is --- (YET).

The where you are local pieces helped me do a deeper dive. Not sure how that ties in to the rest of the learning agenda --- these are the things that pulled on me a bit more. Things that make me go hmm...

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When the books are written -- I want a least a section.

I want to be a part of whatever we become and do.

That I keep buttering my joints and I can flow with it. I don't become rigid or too afraid.

My legacy?
- the way we work has opened up to me being a writer
- in all the ways I have imagined myself as a writer (poetry)
- I can write anything, to embrace myself fully as a writer and I want to share it with the world per UBUNTU, you should say one with the other.
- since I left IBBG, should I work around changing the laws -- is that changing it from the inside out?
- I saw positions on the school board opening up and
- What is being on a board about? Is that the flex? Is that the expansion -- to make sure how UBUNTU sees, thinks, feels, or knows at thing... should that be present in places across the world?
- I should be in more spaces when we are talking about Black shit.
- Infiltrating some spaces

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My immediate response is THIS SPACE.

Me not being able to put a pin on what it is that I do --- is scary.

I haven't had the space to go with the flow.

Who taught me how to go with the flow?

Who taught me how to care for me?

My working cares for me and the organization, but what about me?

How am I demonstrating care if my calendar isn't full?

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(long pause)

Winning a proposal.

Building relationships with clients -- DHHS was difficult, but the end when folks were trolling, but when folks defending it, I knew I gave thee folks something.

all the work -- even the stuff that frustrates me -- its doing something for me.

I'm not in conflict with Mikey -- I'm in conflict with UBUNTU -- which is being in conflict with myself. When Mikey takes off, why does that bother me? <-- but this realization gives me pleausre.

I have space in here to figure out a thing within myself.

The space to figure it out and correct it too.

People be like, "you don't have to be perfect, but you kinda do" but I don't feel that here.

I am starting to swallow less.

I do get pleasure because I feel like I am being cared for as my whole self --- but in totality? This is different and scary.

This book you read was so on time ---(similiar to Dana, another affirmation)

This is some YOU stuff with Mikey -- I like her.

I told my therapist that its rare that MF'er check me. I get that here whether I want it or not --- but I am leaning into -- its a lot.

I see it as pleasure but it don't feel good.

I don't like NEBULOUS -- I don't like the GRAY space. I don't like when people say a CLEAN SLATE. "It's not comfortable for me --- because my perfectionism shows up, what you gonna do to me if you find out that I am not perfect." Do you still like me if make a mistake?

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Characteristics of me being a good learner:
I know when I don't know a thing. Once I acknowledge that and I want to know it -- then I am voracious about finding out a thing.
As soon as I know a thing I want to apply a thing and then I internalize it and make it my own
Sometimes thats an obstacle ---

should there be a space between learning before fixing it.... I put a saucer on a pot instead of a lid.

I think our collective study -- the deep dive and discussion is important. Dig deep.

I did this thing and they were talking to shallow and not the depth of the book (michelle obama). In the discussion I learned the different perspectives which helped me to see a thing more broadly.

Learning something new?
- time
- pauses
- a place to question freely
- not being villified or judged because you are asking a question
- space to try things out
- creative allowance / permission to try a thing
- feedback, strategic feedback

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Back to the organizational self study

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How can I change without disengaging from my life and who I am?

I couldn't root it in work.

This work requires your whole self. You have to bring your whole self to the work and furthering it --- has opened mye yes about having my whole self and I have to go back and learn about self.

The work will come organically as I get me together.

I saw that in the beginning and now its here and inside of my body.

I'm okay with that --- but when I started doing it, I realized I didn't have it.
The work that is required on my insides -- aint nobody gonna do it for me or with me --- it's just mine. And it's really difficult -- when I require external validation --- and that's been a hinderence to the learning agenda (before UBUNTU) - I could do my other jobs with what I had --- I can't do this job with just enough YOU NEED AMPLE.

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I was everybody friend.
Laughs.

We play games in the name of Koren our gameshow.

We play joy-filled games.

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Care for myself.

I have been blessed to be surrounded by love, care and responsive to my needs.

I don't lean into myself.

I don't always know who I am, what I need or what I like.

Do I go to Cam's or Linneta's --- I couldn't silence other perspectives.

I need to learn how to better take care of myself.

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UBUNTU Reads -- when its not stress on time. I enjoy the content of books.

Co-working in person

Kick it in person

Beloved Community - bonding with the team or bonding with self

we can kick the clients

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I want to learn.
I am diligent.
I am able and confident that whatever I want to learn, I am going to learn.
there is always stuff to learn.
Openness to new knowledge.

learning something new
- talking about it
- taking notes (writing it)
- my grasp will be looser unless I do those two things.

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I knew exactly what I wanted to do and focus on -- suprising to me.
How easy the questions came out.
I did not like the questions - How much of your issues for not being to focus are environment or focus?
Is the feeling of being behind just work.

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I wanna know for helping lay the groundwork in 2041 -- I put these things in place.

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Self-care.
Thinking about my daily routine effects the rest of my life.
I have the ability to grab on to it.
I love routines and I have been off them.
Me holding my boundaries.

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When people are locked out of stuff or cannot do a thing.
Quick fixes.
A docusign (task management).

buying things
getting gift cards

I like when I can do 50 little tasks

being a sounding board

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I remember things with little effort.
I am always willing to ask questions.
-- explain to me again
-- that makes sense
Part of being a good learner is not knowing.
If you are unsure just ask?

Multiple modalites -- I need to see someone do it and do it on my own, practice.
I don't want you to tell me. Show me.
I need a resource.

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A HA -- we at a learning institution I should have had an agenda from jump!

It's easy to see what I need to do as a team player, but I need to think about what I need to grow for myself -- just cause not in relationship to nobody. It forced me to center myself.

I didn't feel apprehensive about writing -- I felt good and I feel like the anxiety and worry that I had before has lessened. I felt like we making progress.

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making sure that UBUNTU is a recognized pillar of Milwaukee

affirming and standing it. I love like we as an organization as a Milwaukee. I know we don't do policy, but what about process -- what does it mean to show up and support

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I don't know....I think about being in community more, FOR REAL.

But I am valid right now.

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I find pleasure in doing the work that requires to see the people for ral --- to see the people who do it for.

when people aren't lying

are internal meetings the msot

in writing

in reading

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I can assess what I don't know fast. I can build the skill of what I don't know to what I do know.

I don't know everything but I know some shit.

fast. flexible.

What I know, I know and I am standing on it!

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Building what evaluation and learning is and looks like...
The role is new, but the team isn't new.
What does it mean to be an evaluator in this context?
What does it mean to learn at the same time internally and externally with clients?

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Leadership care -- what does it mean to lead people
more of it

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enjoy writing
working with people on projects
the brainstorming parts
deliverable design

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visual - person, a visual that goes along with written instructions

try space.

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"I felt naked and I didn't want to do this anymore"

It wasn't what I thought it would be --- I thought it would be

"This bitch is smart...because "wags finger".... it forced me to get at the root a bit more than I anticipated... I was caught off guard."

I know that shame was not useful, but I felt a little shamed --- you have all this stuff going on and you have been running from it. "Girl, you really been struggling"

I realized I have all the tools and I am not using them.

Who the fuck is robbing me of the things I need to feel good in my work -- I know that I am competent, there is a disconnect between my heart and mind.

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The legacy I want to leave -- that I helped to put some strategies in place that helped the strategists mind their business.

Operations is so seamless -- we don't have to think about it, its just happens.

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I think about ---

I have never fallen completely a part. I see other people do it and people rush in and then people say I can do everything for you delicate flower.

I want to feel that there is a space for me to fall a part.

I got myself together when my aunt died because of Oliver.

I was having nightmares and I said I gotta stop this so I dont worry Larry.

What does it mean ---

Where is a space where I can fall completely a part...

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When there is a problem --- working with Dana and Elliot, finding a good process.

Even if our co-working session ends up us being together ---

when someone asks for something we need and we can immediate bring it to them

when someone is looking for me to be the expert and it works

some days I can grab my blanket and laptop and sit on the couch and do my work

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I am curious, I am going to find a way to demonstrate what I learned

Good at recognizing patterns

if I learn something new, I see it everywhere --- the universe be like girl, here it go again

I am good at making connections

finding ways to make knowledge accessible --- I can pull something from pop culture to demonstrate a complex theory

I can break things down in way people can understand

I know that knowledge can come from unexpected places.

I know that Black folks are inherently brilliant -- went to multi-intelligence high school and I understand the different ways people are smart

I am honest with myself -- that wasn't my best learning or my best display of my learning

-----

understanding the necessity of it

I am curious
I can pick up things pretty easily
if I don't understand the necessity, I don't need it and will put it down.
I need to see the whole picture.
once I have the whole picture, its helps to see the small parts of it.
being rested, being hydrated, eating
managing pain

If I am tired --- everyone sounds like muppet babies adults

everything they tell you before the SATs, I need to do that so I Can be present

"I cannot learn under durress -- physical."

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I really didn't realize how much childhood anti-Blackness I was in -- and to be in an all-Black space. I don't want to harm other people. What does that mean and how do I navigate that in this space?

I really like thinking about past shaping present shaping future -- this ongoing malleable thing.

When exploring the questions I built out a solar system.

The idea of a political time of day is interesting to think about.

The idea of thinking about rituals, relationships, and restrictions -- interesting to think about it and work through it.

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IDK...take that back... I do know.

I can't fathom doing any other kind of work.

I would love to see how to make art or different types of storytelling in UBUNTU. Let that be a stronger thread throughout

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all the transitions I am currently going thru -- there's a lot on my plate, a lot is happening

accountability to make sure I am getting my shit done

grace and help -- is not my favorite thing to ask for.

Caring for myself and the team.

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Love building presentations. <-- building out the workshops and execution of them.

BCs -- overflows my cup. <-- in general as we are in this digital space, donuts, building that connection -- connected to our work and the people here >>> "I love collecting those pieces of people and that still being a part of the work."

Friend asked, "What do you do?"

It seems like you just kick it.

Love reading together.

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Good Learner
- I enjoy doing it, I love the idea of getting new information and sharing it with people
- being able to talk about what I have learned (like talk to my mom about dignity)
- I enjoy it and its necessary
- it fuels me.
- I like to practice what I've gained after learning (application)

On Learning Something New
- I need to do a thing to connect it back to said learning
- "I need to do a thing!"
- I gotta do the thing -- multiple things

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Trying to picture how my work flow has changed - noticed I didn't update my portfolio--- seeing old projects and new experiences

Good to see where I started and what I had to go

Saw where I needed to make movement

my overall goals remain the same  -- strengthen my skill set as far as project management, thinking through the whole process

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- I was really helpful on projects no matter the role
- My work products are something that people can model after, screen shot or take inspiration from.
- Being willing to put yourself OUT THERE.
- applying and seeking out for opportunities and proposals - even if you get nos, just have drive to continue to search out.

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Family-wise being a lot of needing me and reaching me.

Being left alone will be really good right now. People needed me for different things.

Constantly feeling like I am in service to people, which I have no problem, but some times I want to be left alone.

Sometimes I self-isolate --> this is a gateway for isolation and that's not a good way

What does that mean to be okay and "back to normal"

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Creating -- presentations, activities

Submitting things, coming up with an abstract on things I haven't done yet so I can explore different areas

Reading - UBUNTU Reads

Enjoys - conferences, missed social justice conference

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Good Learning
I've been one who searches for answers. If I am not familiar with a concept that is spoken about, I will seek out that information.

I am really good at different ways of learning -- doesn't have to be a textbook.

My way of learning combining textbook, group discussion, activities.

I am a Montessori multiple ways of knowing and learning type.

Learning Something New
- hands on being able to do something new
- collaborating with others
- like co-working together
- internal meetings about projects
- organizing a Notion, a place to refer back to
- note taking
- takes screenshots of faces and slides (learned from Kyle to take notes)