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How Read Write Inc. phonics works - a parent/carer’s guide

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Developmental coordination disorder (DCD) is a lifelong condition that makes it hard to learn motor skills and coordination. It’s not a learning disorder, but it can impact learning. Kids with DCD struggle with physical tasks and activities they need to do both in and out of school.

Learning how to support your child with developmental coordination disorder (DCD) is a journey. Along the way, you’ll learn about symptoms, treatment options and what schools and professionals can do to help. But there’s so much else to know about DCD, which you may have heard referred to as dyspraxia.

This overview gives you the basics, so you can start helping your child. It also leads to more in-depth information on DCD.

Snapshot: What DCD is

DCD is a condition that makes it hard to learn coordination and motor skills (including motor planning). At least 5 percent of kids have it. DCD is more common in boys than in girls. Kids don’t outgrow it, but they can improve their motor skills.

DCD isn’t a like or . It’s considered a neurodevelopmental disorder, like ADHD. But it can make it hard for kids to do schoolwork and keep up with classroom lessons. It can also make it difficult for them to participate in gym class. DCD often co-occurs with other conditions, and the symptoms may overlap.

Kids with DCD struggle with many of the tasks needed for learning in school. These include writing, copying from the board and organizing their things.

DCD can create challenges outside of school, too. Motor planning problems can make it hard to figure out the steps of self-care routines, like brushing teeth and getting dressed. Kids may have trouble preparing a bowl of cereal with milk for themselves. Trouble with balance may make it hard for them to sit still and eat properly.

DCD is an impairment in movement skills, including:

Fine motor skills

Gross motor skills

Motor planning

Coordination

Weakness in these skills can impact other motor abilities that people use every day. These include:

Maintaining balance

Being able to quickly change their movement in new situations

Moving their body in the right way

Learning new movements

Predicting the outcome of their movements

Finding and using solutions to motor task problems

Kids with DCD may have trouble using feedback from earlier experiences to adjust their movements. For instance, if they position their fork the wrong way, they don’t automatically learn from that and do it right the next time.

They may also have trouble sequencing. So, planning the movements needed to do a task in the right order can be difficult. Trouble with balance can make kids with DCD appear clumsy. They often bump into other people by accident and drop things they’re holding.

Dive deeper

Try these fine motor skills activities for younger kids.

Explore ideas for improving gross motor skills in younger kids.

Discover fun ways to help older kids improve motor skills.

DCD signs and symptoms

Kids develop movement skills at different rates. So, when they’re young, it may be hard to know if their difficulties will pass on their own. But even in preschool (or before), there can be signs that a child has weaknesses and needs intervention to improve.

Below are some signs of DCD at specific ages.

Has trouble holding and using utensils

Has trouble throwing a ball

Plays too roughly or often bumps into other kids by accident

Has difficulty sitting upright or still

Has trouble holding and using a crayon, a pencil, or scissors

Doesn’t form or space letters correctly

Struggles with going up and down stairs

Frequently bumps into people by accident

Has trouble with self-care, like brushing teeth

Takes a long time to write

Has trouble cutting foods

Has difficulty with basic routines like getting dressed

Struggles to line up columns when doing math problems

Avoids or struggles with typing and texting

Struggles with visual-spatial aspects of math, like working with shapes in geometry

Struggles with opening the latch on a locker

Has difficulty learning to drive

Dive deeper

See a list of coordination and motor skills developmental milestones.

Read an expert’s explanation of whether clumsiness is a sign of motor skills issues.

Learn how motor skills and other issues can impact driving.

Other issues that can co-occur with DCD

Most kids with DCD have at least one learning or thinking difference, too. is one of the most common conditions that co-occur with DCD. In fact, half of all kids with DCD also have ADHD.

But DCD can just look like other issues. For example, because of balance problems, kids with DCD often have trouble sitting upright or sitting still. They may move around a lot to keep their bodies up.

Some people might see that behavior and assume it’s fidgeting due to ADHD, even if it’s not. Or they might wrongly attribute it to , which can also cause kids to fidget and squirm.

Here are some of the issues that often co-occur or share symptoms with DCD.

ADHD

Executive functioning issues

Dysgraphia

Mental health issues, like anxiety

Slow processing speed

Autism

Sensory processing issues

An assessment for DCD isn’t the same as an evaluation for learning and thinking differences. So if you or your child’s doctor suspect that other issues might also be at play, it’s important to seek a full evaluation to find out.

Dive deeper

Learn how sensory processing issues can affect motor skills.

Find out how various learning and thinking differences can cause trouble with writing.

Follow these steps to request a free school evaluation for your child.

Possible causes of DCD

Researchers don’t know the cause of DCD, but there are some risk factors. These include:

Being a male

Being small for gestational age

Being born prematurely or with a low birth weight

Genetics, or a history of DCD in the family

If you have questions about these risk factors, reach out to your child’s doctor for more information.

How DCD is diagnosed

There are a number of professionals who can either diagnose or identify DCD. Ideally, they’ll work as a group to evaluate a child.

Certain types of medical doctor can diagnose DCD. They include:

Pediatricians

Developmental-behavioral pediatricians

Pediatric neuropsychologists

Child psychiatrists

Before your child is evaluated for DCD, these doctors should rule out any other medical causes for your child’s coordination difficulties.

There are other professionals who may assess for and identify DCD. But they can’t make a diagnosis. These include:

Physical therapists and occupational therapists

Educational evaluators

Psychologists

Researchers

The most common ages to evaluate for DCD are 5 and 6. Evaluators will look at motor and cognitive skills. They’ll ask questions about other factors that could be having an impact, too, in school and home life. They’ll also want to know whether your child has hit certain milestones in development and when symptoms began.

Evaluators use certain tests to assess movement skills. These skills include:

Strength

Balance

Coordination

Range of motion

Motor planning

Fine motor control

Evaluators might look at dexterity by having kids do things like trace and string beads. They might assess visual-perception skills by looking at how well kids can draw a progression of shapes and stay in the lines when drawing.

Dive deeper

Read about types of tests for motor skills issues.

Find out what happens in an occupational therapy evaluation.

Hear from a mom whose daughter has motor skills issues but can play Bach.

How professionals can help with DCD

A child might get OT for free at school through an or a . There are also OTs you can hire privately. Some insurance plans may cover these services.

Kids with DCD may also work with physical therapists on balance and muscle tone.

There are other ways the school can help. It might provide like extra time on tests and written classwork. , such as dictation (speech-to-text), might also be an option.

Your child will need an IEP or a 504 plan to get formal accommodations. But the teacher might be willing to give your child informal supports to make classroom learning easier.

Dive deeper

Discover classroom accommodations for kids with movement issues.

Try this teacher tip to improve your child’s handwriting.

Explore multisensory teaching techniques to help with handwriting.

How you can help your child with DCD

One of the most important things you can do is be an advocate for your child with DCD. That starts with understanding the challenges and letting your child know you’re going to be there every step of the way.

Also, with intervention and practice, motor skills often improve. You can help your child build skills.

Download free tools to help with handwriting.

Learn about chores for kids who struggle with balance and coordination.

Read about fun sports for kids with motor skills issues.

Discover musical instruments and the motor skills they require.

As you help your child along the journey, it’s important for you to have support, too. Join the Understood Community for advice, insight and inspiration from other parents like you.

Key takeaways

DCD is a condition that makes it hard for kids to learn motor skills and coordination.

Occupational therapy is a key treatment for DCD.

Reach out to your child’s doctor if you’re concerned your child has DCD.

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About the author

About the author

The Understood Team is made up of passionate writers and editors. Many of them have kids who learn and think differently.

Reviewed by

Reviewed by

Priscila Tamplain, PhD is an associate professor in the department of kinesiology and the director of the Developmental Motor Cognition Lab at the University of Texas at Arlington.

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Developmental Coordination Disorder in Children

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What is developmental coordination disorder (DCD), and how does it affect kids? Use this comprehensive guide to understand DCD in children.

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Developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD), also known as dyspraxia, is a condition affecting physical co-ordination. It causes a child to perform less well than expected in daily activities for their age, and appear to move clumsily.
This topic is about DCD in children, although the condition often causes continued problems into adulthood.

Find out more about DCD in adults.

Symptoms of DCD

Early developmental milestones of crawling, walking, self-feeding and dressing may be delayed in young children with DCD. Drawing, writing and performance in sports are also usually behind what is expected for their age.

Although signs of the condition are present from an early age, children vary widely in their rate of development. This means a definite diagnosis of DCD does not usually happen until a child with the condition is 5 years old or more.

Find out more about symptoms of DCD in children.

When to seek medical advice

If you're concerned about your child's health or development, talk to a GP or health visitor, or speak to a nurse, doctor or special educational needs co-ordinator (SENCO) at your child's school.

They may refer your child to an occupational therapist, paediatrician, or another health professional who can assess them and try to identify any developmental problems.

Find out more about diagnosing DCD in children.

Causes of DCD

Doing co-ordinated movements is a complex process that involves many different nerves and parts of the brain.

Any problem in this process could potentially lead to difficulties with movement and co-ordination.

It's not usually clear why co-ordination doesn't develop as well as other abilities in children with DCD.

However, a number of risk factors that can increase a child's likelihood of developing DCD have been identified.

These include:

being born prematurely, before the 37th week of pregnancy

being born with a low birth weight

having a family history of DCD, although it is not clear exactly which genes may be involved in the condition

the mother drinking alcohol or taking illegal drugs while pregnant

Treating DCD

There's no cure for DCD, but a number of therapies can help children to manage their problems.

These include:

being taught ways of do activities they find difficult, such as breaking down difficult movements into smaller parts and practicing them regularly

adapting tasks to make them easier, such as using special grips on pens and pencils so they are easier to hold

Although DCD does not affect how intelligent a child is, it can make it more difficult for them to learn and they may need extra help to keep up at school.

Treatment for DCD will be tailored to your child and usually involves a number of different healthcare professionals working together.

Although the physical co-ordination of a child with DCD will remain below average, this may be less of a problem as they get older and develop coping strategies. Some children may continue to have problems.

However, difficulties in school - particularly producing written work - can become much more prominent and require extra help from parents and teachers.

Find out more about treating DCD in children.

Dyspraxia or DCD?

While many people in the UK use the term dyspraxia to refer to the difficulties with movement and co-ordination that first develop in young children, this term is used less often by healthcare professionals.

Instead, most healthcare professionals use the term developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD) to describe the condition.

This term is generally preferred by healthcare professionals because dyspraxia can have several meanings.

For example, dyspraxia can be used to describe movement difficulties that happen later in life because of damage to the brain, such as from a stroke or head injury.

Some healthcare professionals may also use the term specific developmental disorder of motor function (SDDMF) to refer to DCD.

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Developmental co-ordination disorder (dyspraxia) in children

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Read about developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD), also known as dyspraxia, a condition that affects physical co-ordination.

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Information for Parents and families - Autism

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Information for Parents and families - Autism

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At a glance

Working memory refers to how we hold on to and work with information stored in short-term memory.

Kids use working memory to learn and follow directions.

You can build working memory games into your child's daily life.

Does your child have a hard time keeping one bit of information in mind while doing something else? For example, you're making spaghetti together, and your child's in charge of the sauce. But your child leaves to answer a text and forgets to come back and stir. Working memory challenges can cause trouble with tasks like these.

Working memory refers to how we hold on to and work with information that short-term memory stores. (In the past, the term working memory was used interchangeably with short-term memory.) It's part of a group of skills called executive function.

Kids use working memory all the time to learn. It's needed for things like following multi-step directions or solving a math problem in your head. You can help your child improve working memory by building simple strategies into everyday life.

1. Work on visualization skills.

Encourage kids to create a picture in their mind of what they've just read or heard. For example, say you've asked your child to set the table for five people. Have your child imagine what the table should look like, and then draw it. As kids get better at visualizing, they can describe the image instead of drawing it.

2. Have your child teach you.

Being able to explain how to do something involves making sense of information and mentally filing it. Maybe your child is learning a skill, like how to dribble a basketball. Ask your child to teach you this skill. Teachers do something similar by pairing up students in class. This lets them start working with the information right away rather than waiting to be called on.

3. Try games that use visual memory.

There are lots of matching games that can help kids work on visual memory, like the classic game Concentration (or Memory). You can also do things like give kids a magazine page and ask them to circle all instances of the word the or the letter a. License plates can also be a lot of fun. Take turns reciting the letters and numbers on a license plate and then saying them backwards, too.

Simple card games like Crazy Eights, Uno, Go Fish, and War can improve working memory in two ways. Kids have to keep the rules of the game in mind. They also have to remember what cards they have and which ones other people have played.

5. Encourage active reading.

There's a reason highlighters and sticky notes are so popular: Jotting down notes and underlining or highlighting text can help kids keep the information in mind long enough to answer questions about it. Talking out loud and asking questions about the reading material can also help with working memory. Active reading strategies like these can help with forming long-term memories, too.

6. Chunk information into smaller bites.

Ever wonder why phone numbers and social security numbers have hyphens in them? Because it's easier to remember a few small groups of numbers than it is to remember one long string of numbers. Keep this in mind when you need to give your child multi-step directions. Write them down or give them one at a time. You can also use graphic organizers to help break writing assignments into smaller pieces.

Using multiple senses to process information can help with working memory and long-term memory. Write tasks down so your child can look at them. Say them out loud so your child can hear them. Walk through the house as you discuss the family chores your child needs to complete. Using multisensory strategies can help kids keep information in mind long enough to use it.

8. Help make connections.

Help your child form associations that connect different details and make them more memorable. One way is to grab your child's interest with fun mnemonics. (For instance, the made-up name "Roy G. Biv" can help kids remember the order of the colors in the rainbow - red, orange, yellow, and so on.) Finding ways to connect information helps with forming and retrieving long-term memory. It also helps with working memory, which is what we use to hold and compare new and old memories.

Key takeaways

Teaching kids ways to visualize thoughts can help improve their working memory.

Card games and other fun activities can help build working memory.

Finding ways to connect information can help your child with long-term memory as well as working memory.

About the author

About the author

Amanda Morin is the author of "The Everything Parent's Guide to Special Education" and the former director of thought leadership at Understood. As an expert and writer, she helped build Understood from its earliest days.

Reviewed by

Reviewed by

Thomas E. Brown, PhD is a clinical psychologist and director of the Brown Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders.

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Working memory games can help kids get better at remembering and using information. Here are eight simple ways to improve working memory in your child.

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Stamma - Information and support for people with a stammer

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In the film, "Inside Out", every time the main character had an experience, a memory ball was created and sent to the memory store in her 'brain'. Memories were made several times a day and when she needed them, they were retrieved from the memory 'store' and used as something to learn from, or as an emotional trigger. It was a good metaphor for the way our brains store memories, albeit a little bit simplistic. In reality, the way our brain stores information is still somewhat of a mystery; on one level we store millions of pieces of information every second of every day, but retrieving and using that information when we need it, that's a different story.

For many children, this is problematic, and they may appear to have 'forgotten' even the simplest of instructions only moments after hearing them, whilst confounding logic because they can easily recite the lyrics to their favourite songs. This is when you might begin to realise that they have some short-term memory problems which can severely impact on their ability to learn and use the information they are given. If unrecognised, they can be labelled as 'inattentive', 'lazy' or 'badly behaved' and they can fall behind their peers, eventually leading to under-achievements in secondary school and exams, or problems in other areas of life.

Short-term memory problems are relatively common in childhood, and more so in conditions such as traumatic brain injury, epilepsy, autism, cognitive impairment and in people with learning disabilities. Everyone's brain is different and learning HOW to remember things is something that some children may need our help with.

What is memory?

Memory is defined as "the ability of an organism to record information about things or events with the facility of recalling them later at will." There are three main stages of memory:

Encoding - information from the outside world is received by our senses through physical or chemical stimuli, and then processed and combined so it can be stored

Storage - the creation of a permanent record of the encoded information

Retrieval - the recall of the stored information by first locating the information and then returning it to our consciousness for use

Problems with memory can occur at any of these stages.

As well as three stages of memory, there are three forms of memory storage:

Sensory memory - this is not controlled consciously and usually lasts less than a second

Short-term or working memory - this type of memory normally last for less than a minute and most people can hold only 7 +/- 2 pieces of information here at once

Long-term memory - this is where we store enormous amounts of data for very long periods of time. There are two types of long-term memory: implicit memories (sensory or automatised behaviours), and explicit memories (pieces of information and memories of events/people/places)

If you think of working or short-term memory as a kind of notebook that the child is using 'in the moment', and long-term memory as a filing cabinet they can access when they need more information, you will get an idea of how memory works.

For example, if you say to a child: "Pick up your pens/crayons, get some paper and let's draw a cat", then to be successful in the task, the child needs to store your instructions in their short-term memory and follow each instruction in turn. To remember what a cat is, however, they will need to access their long-term memory and recall the characteristics of a cat. Where children have short-term memory problems, they may not remember multiple instructions, so may pick up a pen, but not remember what to do with it. Working memory capacity varies between people and can easily be lost through distraction and/or overload, so problems here can stack up for young children. In the above example, the original instructions will now be 'lost' to the child, so they will need some other way of knowing what to do or they will not succeed in the drawing task. Their common response in this situation may be to 'guess' what to do or to give up entirely.

Interestingly, many children with short-term memory problems are often described as having 'attentional' issues rather than memory ones and adults often assume they are just not listening or paying attention so they don't get the help they really need. If you suspect a child has memory issues, speak to the parents so they can get a referral or assessment.

Strategies to help

There are ways to help children with short-term memory problems. Some strategies may be more relevant than others depending on the child's individual age and developmental stage.

Ways to help include:

Go slowly, repeat instructions and break things down into small steps, making sure each one is complete before moving on

Give the child opportunities for repetition and model what you need done. One of the best ways to learn new information is to keep repeating it through practice. This can then make use of 'procedural' memory, a type of long-term memory that helps people remember how to do individual steps in a process

Point to words orpick up items you are talking about to help focus attention

Create lists or visual reminders

Take photos, use diagrams and label things making a scrapbook or visual schedule the child can refer to

Make learning as active for the child as possible and engage their sensory learning modes by doing things as physically as possible in a 'hands-on' fashion

Make use of different learning styles, for example by using songs and music, pictures rhymes and smells to help the child process and encode the information

Make learning new things into a game or use stories to impart information. You can even roleplay things too

Ask the child to repeat things back to you (if they are old enough)

Use acronyms and mnemonics - e.g. "Never Eat Shredded Wheat", used to remember compass points (NESW)

Keep in mind that these short-term memory problems are ones that the child has no conscious control over. They are not 'trying to be difficult' or 'just not listening'; but they do have a 'hidden' issue that they need help with. Remember too, that each child is different and no one strategy will work with every child. Best practice would suggest that you discover the strategies that work best for individual children so you can help them reach their full potential.

References and more information

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In the film, "Inside Out", every time the main character had an experience, a memory ball was created and sent to the memory store in her 'brain'. Memories were made several times a day and when she needed them, they were retrieved from the memory 'store' and used as something to learn from, or as an emotional trigger.

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Supporting individuals and families affected by dyspraxia/DCD

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The British Dyslexia Association is the voice for the 10% of the population that are dyslexic

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What is dyslexia?

Dyslexic brains process information differently. This results in a pattern of strengths, like problem solving, creative thinking and seeing the big picture. Plus, challenges like spelling, reading, writing and rote learning.

Knowing how to spot, support and empower dyslexic thinking can transform the life of any dyslexic child.

How to spot it

How to support it

How to empower it

Get the facts
Download our simple factsheets.

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Watch our simple videos and learn how to support your child's xtraordinary dyslexic mind.
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Explain dyslexia to your child

Being dyslexic is a brilliant thing. After all, the inventor of the aeroplane was dyslexic. And the lightbulb! So are many xtraordinary writers, like Roald Dahl and Dav Pilkey, the creator of Captain Underpants. It's important to know that you're dyslexic - it helps you to understand why some things come naturally and others are much harder.

5 FACTS TO EXPLAIN:
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Grab a copy of 'Xtraordinary People' to read together!

This brilliant book will help you understand the 7 'Xtraordinary' strengths that come with dyslexia. It's a brilliant way to explain dyslexia to all kids.

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What is dyslexia? Dyslexic brains process information differently. This results in a pattern of strengths, like problem solving, creative thinking and seeing the big picture. Plus, challenges like spelling, reading, writing and rote learning. Knowing how to spot, support and empower dyslexic thinking can transform the life of any dyslexic child.

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Dysgraphia is a Greek word. The base word graph refers both to the hand’s function in writing and to the letters formed by the hand. The prefix dys indicates

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Until recently, dyscalculia was thought of as being an umbrella term for all maths learning difficulties but since 2019 that is no longer true as we now have a definition of dyscalculia which was developed by the British Dyslexia Association dyscalculia committee and was accepted by SASC (SpLD Assessment Standards Committee) who regulated assessment in 2019.
Find out more about dyscalculia
A full definition of dyscalculia

Dyscalculia is a specific and persistent difficulty in understanding numbers which can lead to a diverse range of difficulties with mathematics. It will be unexpected in relation to age, level of education and experience and occurs across all ages and abilities.

Mathematics difficulties are best thought of as a continuum, not a distinct category, and they have many causal factors. Dyscalculia falls at one end of the spectrum and will be distinguishable from other maths issues due to the severity of difficulties with number sense, including subitising, symbolic and non-symbolic magnitude comparison, and ordering. It can occur singly but often co-occurs with other specific learning difficulties, mathematics anxiety and medical conditions.

What is significant about this definition is that it suggests that maths learning difficulties are a continuum with dyscalculia at the extreme end. In other words, lots of people may have maths learning difficulties which arise from other conditions such as dyslexia where key issues associated with dyslexia, like working memory, difficulties with information retrieval, processing speed, sequencing, will impact on maths learning. Likewise, difficulties with spatial awareness, lateral thinking, and visual perception, which are associated with dyspraxia, will also affect maths learning. And other important issues like maths anxiety, which is a very real condition and causes the brain to freeze, as well as environment and social issues such as school absence, stereotyping, culture, maths curriculum, and methodology of teaching can all impact.

People with dyscalculia may share all the above difficulties, but what makes them distinct is their lack of number sense which is a cognitive function associated with the left parietal sulcus and the frontal lobe. Humans and animals are born with a built-in sense of number for survival purposes.

The issue with the dyscalculia is being able to relate the digits in our numerical system with the magnitude or value of a number - so they have no meaning. In the same way that dyslexics have difficulties with matching sounds with graphemes or letters that directly impact on the development of reading and spelling, people with dyscalculia don't have a sense of number and its relationship with magnitude. They could not automatically answer the question, "Would it be sensible to pay £4000 on a pair of shoes or £48 on a small slice of Tesco cheddar?" The relationship or mapping of that number to its value does not develop naturally. It can of course be learned to some degree with much instruction.

In normal development, a sense of number will evolve so a small child may not know how much a pair of shoes should cost at age 4 but by the time they are 10 they might. Everyone is different of course and issues may be mild or severe. But because it has an aetiology, it can be inherited and run in families.

How can it be informally identified?

All young children start by counting in ones but then they learn to become more efficient and can count on from a given number and step count. They start to know if their answers are way off the mark, they develop a sensible sense of numbers and magnitude.

Children with dyscalculia hang on to immature counting systems - usually in ones - they cannot generalise, i.e. use mathematical information in another context, and basically do not have a sensible sense of what numbers are. They tend to learn by rote and procedure and some even go onto to achieve a GCSE so they can often do a calculation but cannot explain what they are doing. They are often better at algebra and geometry. Their difficulties are exclusive to maths and no other subjects.

Adults with dyscalculia tend to have difficulties with time and money, being able to plan their day with regard to travel times or how long a task should take. They may also struggle with budgets and costs.

How can it be diagnosed?

Guidelines for assessors are clearly outlined by SASC but unfortunately not everyone follows them. A good diagnosis of dyscalculia would include general ability assessment, domain general cognitive assessment such as working memory, processing speed and phonological processing, and domain-specific assessment for dyscalculia i.e. specific tests for number sense, symbolic and non-symbolic magnitude comparisons and fluency. It would also include attainment in numeracy with an error analysis as well as attainment in literacy.

Sometimes only attainment in numeracy without domain specific testing is assessed and this will not give an accurate diagnosis as some people score poorly on maths tests for other reasons and are misdiagnosed as dyscalculic, and sometimes people with dyscalculia score OK on maths tests because they have memorised procedures and are not diagnosed as dyscalculic. All assessors should have an APC (Assessment Practising Certificate). BDA, SASC and Patoss have lists of approved and registered assessors.

How can it be supported in children?

There are very specific ways of establishing a sense of number that include the use of concrete manipulatives such as Cuisenaire Rods, Diene's apparatus, dot patterns, Numicon. The child is taught to visually internalise what a number (rather than a digit) looks and feels like. The child learns to match digits or numerals with visual quantities and learns how numbers can be deconstructed to make other numbers or quantities and reconstructed; in much the same way the children with dyslexia are specifically taught to match letters to sounds and how to deconstruct and reconstruct words from letters and sounds. This takes away the fear of numbers and establishes a sense of what numbers mean. With these basic tools they will never become Einstein in maths, but they will know if they are being over charged and learn to cope in a world of numbers and money.

How can it be supported in adults?

Adults need to develop their own reference points. At a very basic level: a can of coke should not cost more than £1.50 [at the time of writing] right through to interest rates, salaries, pensions etc. They will probably need someone to help them establish these references and they may need to write them down. The main areas of difficulty are estimating traveling times and distances, household budgets, changing recipes, accounts, discounts (percentages), money and what is good value, measurements and using different types of measure, currency and conversions, ordering. The list is almost endless; we use maths every day.

What percentage of the population are dyscalculic?

As the definition is very new, the figures of people who have been properly assessed and diagnosed need to be collated. But it is estimated that about 3% of the population have dyscalculia. However, a great many more have maths learning difficulties. 60% of people with dyslexia for example will have maths learning difficulties. If 10% of the population have dyslexia that is about 5 million people and therefore 3 million have maths learning difficulties from dyslexia alone. A few of those may also have dyscalculia.

Maths anxiety is being increasingly recognised. Many people with dyscalculia have maths anxiety. This is not dissimilar to PTSD where a learned bad memory will trigger a subconscious reaction that closes down the higher thinking brain. Children as young as 6 are now being diagnosed with maths anxiety. We need to look carefully at how we teach maths in schools as apart from children with dyscalculia, all children are born as good mathematicians with a good sense of number.

Find out more about dyscalculia
Check your own numeracy level

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What is dyscalculia and how can it be spotted and supported in children and adults?

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Until recently, dyscalculia was thought of as being an umbrella term for all maths learning difficulties but since 2019 that is no longer true as we now have a definition of dyscalculia which was developed by the British Dyslexia Association dyscalculia committee and was accepted by SASC (SpLD Assessment Standards Committee) who regulated assessment in 2019.

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Sensory Processing support for Parents and Carers

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Sensory Processing support for Parents and Carers

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The positives of ADHD are numerous and mighty - creativity, empathy, and tenacity, just to name a few. Here, readers share their amazing superpowers.

Thinking positive to find the plus sides of adhd.

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Problem solving skills are a positive about ADHD.

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Children use their creativity to build a fort.

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A teenager consoles a friend, using her gift of compassion.

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Girl with snorkel by family unpacking van shows her sense of humor.

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The word impossible is written on a chalkboard, with the "im" crossed out, because those with ADHD have perseverance.

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A woman is very observant and employs her keen sense of observation.

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A mom holds her child while also ironing - multitasking is a strength for those with ADHD.

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A man is very focused on writing in his notebook. Hyperfocus is a positive trait of ADHD.

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A group of young children are running with endless energy, another positive trait of ADHD.

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A father and son play airplane together. Their seal for life is an ADHD superpower.

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A green apple in a group of oranges illustrates differences. Kids and adults with ADHD are very accepting.

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A road sign has an arrow pointing to Right and another toward wrong. Those with ADHD have a strong moral compass.

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Faster than a speeding bike! Able to leap stereotypes in a single bound! We asked readers what made them a notch above the rest. These are their answers.

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We can help you make sure your child gets the best start in life

As well as offering services which your child may be able to access in your local area, we also provide guidance and support online for parents, carers and families.

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Find out about the support, guidance and services we offer to parents, carers and families to ensure that every child grows up safe and loved.

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Monthly Girls Group - this takes place on monthly Sundays in Woking. This is a social interest group for girls aged 7-12 and their parents and carers. Sessions run between 10:30am-12:30pm for rising 11s to 12 year olds and between 1:30-3:30pm for 7-10 year olds.

Spring Term - Sunday 21st January 2024, Sunday 25 th February 2024, Sunday 24 th

If you would like to be added to our waiting list, please download an Appeer Application Form and email the completed form to claire@appeer.org.uk. We will then be in touch when a place becomes available.

Weekday Groups - these take place on Wednesday mornings in Woking for girls aged 7-12 years who are out of school or struggling in school. These groups are held at St. John's Village, Woking on Wednesday mornings.

Ad hoc Sessions - we run in-person Sessions in Surrey venues at weekends and during school holidays. These Sessions may include visits to horse sanctuaries, climbing centres and gaming cafes. These are open to autistic girls within and local to Surrey who have not accessed any of our Sessions previously.

Online Sessions - girls can join our regular Minecraft and Roblox Sessions, which offer a valuable chance for autistic girls to connect with their peers. Young people are facilitated by an experienced staff and our Gaming Mentor during sessions.

What is the cost and how do I book? Tickets for our Groups and Sessions vary according to whether they are in-person or online and the activity. We have a limited amount of concessionary tickets . These tickets are reserved for families who qualify as low-income households or are in receipt of Universal Credit or Pupil Premium.

Details about our Sessions available for autistic girls aged 7-12 can be found below or you can see our current offer on ourSessions available to book page.

We regret we are only able to offer places on our in-person sessions to residents of Surrey and surrounding borders. If fewer than 4 attendees sign up for the online Sessions, we will need to reschedule (or offer a refund if preferred).

Please email claire@appeer.org.uk if you have any queries relating to our Girls Groups and Sessions.

Please note, our current programmes have been designed to support those who are suspected or diagnosed as being autistic, who may also have other neurodiverse conditions. In the future we hope to expand our activities to support those with other neurodiverse conditions who aren't autistic too, e.g., ADHD.

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where can my autistic daughter find friends

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Appeer. Connecting autistic girls and women.

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We are holding a range of FREE online Autism Central peer educator sessions this month. These sessions offer guidance to families, carers and personal assistants of autistic people and are run by peer educators. These are parents or carers of autistic people, who are happy to share their knowledge and experience with you. These sessions are open to those living in Sussex, Kent, Surrey, Hampshire/IOW, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire. Find out more here.

If you would like to join please click on the links below to register:

Emotional Wellbeing in Autistic Young People

Tuesday 7 th November - 10:00-11:00am
Register here Autism and the Early Years
Tuesday 15 th November -10:00-11:00am
Register here Sleep and Autism
Friday 17th November - 1:00-2:00pm
Register here
Emotional Wellbeing in Autistic Young People

Tuesday 21 st November - 6:00-7:00pm
Register here Autism and the Early Years
Wednesday 22 nd November - 6:00-7:00pm
Register here Autism and Siblings
Monday 27 th November - 1:00-2:00pm
Register here Sleep and Autism
Friday 1 st December - 6:00-7:00pm
Register here
For further information, please email: [email protected]

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Join our Free Online Sessions for Parents and Carers

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These sessions, covering a range of subjects connected to autism, offer guidance to families, carers and personal assistants of autistic people and are run by peer educators.

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Hampshire and IOW Support for Neurodiverse Families

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Here you will find some book ideas that parents and carers have recommended... 

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Self-Harm Support Guide for Parents and Carers

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Self-Harm Support Guide for Parents and Carers

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Hub of Hope - Support signposting for many needs

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Hub of Hope - Support signposting for many needs

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Emotional support for Parents and Carers

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Emotional support for Parents and Carers

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Navigate: emotional support for parents | Disability charity Scope UK

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Navigate, Scope's online emotional support service for parents of disabled children around diagnosis.

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Educational Psychologist Telephone Support line

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Educational Psychologist Telephone Support line

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Watch the full video

Thinking of suicide?

Are you, or is a young person you know, not coping with life? For confidential suicide prevention advice contact HOPELINE247.

My whole way of thinking has changed. I feel positive about my future and the people around me. I'm now looking forward to the future and helping others just like me!

Thank you so much for the incredible support PAPYRUS and HOPELINE247 has given me. You helped me in that moment and it kept me alive.

I intend to continue to fundraise for and promote PAPYRUS. I am so proud and humbled to be involved with a wonderful charity, and to have received the support that I have.

Having been personally bereaved by suicide I understand the importance and need for our charity. I am surrounded by others who are as passionate as I am about saving lives.

* All feedback is provided by people who contact PAPYRUS. All feedback has full consent of the user and the user remains fully anonymous. Some feedback may have been adapted to keep the users anonymity.

Our latest news

Stay up to date with PAPYRUS; our news section is regularly updated with helpful advice and guidance, as well as information about our upcoming events and campaigns. If you have any questions or queries please get in touch.

Our upcoming events

Please see below some of our upcoming and exciting events including fundraisers and charity events we will be attending. For more information please get in touch.

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Papyrus UK Suicide Prevention | Prevention of Young Suicide

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PAPYRUS UK is a charity for the prevention of young suicide (under 35) in the UK | Call PAPYRUS HOPELINE247 on 0800 068 4141 Now

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We’re here to help people with ADHD Thrive. Positively changing what it means to have ADHD in the UK if not the world.

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If you have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) this means that you can struggle with paying attention, have high levels of energy and react quickly to things. This can get in the way of everyday life such as school, hobbies and making friends, although how much it affects someone can vary from person to person.

Tasks such as sitting still, concentrating and following instructions are much harder for people with ADHD as they often feel restless or fidgety, can be easily distracted and can talk a lot, which makes activities such as school lessons and doing homework even more difficult.

People with ADHD can sometimes find it harder in social situations such as making friends or playing games as they can find it hard to follow conversations, wait for things and take turns. Sometimes people with ADHD also have difficulties with getting to and staying asleep.

ADHD is a result of the brain being wired slightly differently to people who do not have ADHD. Although there is no cure for ADHD, the difficulties experienced, such as high energy levels, difficulties concentrating and reacting quickly, can be helped and managed in many ways including receiving extra support in school, learning techniques and strategies to help you cope and sometimes taking medication.

The most important thing to know is that having ADHD is not your fault and is not a bad thing. People who have ADHD are just as talented as those without ADHD. In fact it is reported that some of the world's most successful people have diagnoses of ADHD including; Justin Timberlake (singer), Jamie Oliver (chef), Will Smith (actor), Michael Phelps (Olympic swimmer), Emma Watson (actress) and Richard Branson (entrepreneur and owner of the Virgin brand) to name just a few!

There are lots of strategies and techniques that you, your parents, carers and teachers can use to help you cope and manage with the things you find difficult. So it is important to make sure that those involved in teaching or supporting you are aware that you have ADHD. You can find suggestions of techniques and strategies that might help on the website link below and using the free organisation and planning apps listed below.

As remembering, being organised and planning your day can be one of the hardest things to do and this often makes school difficult, it is a good idea to make notes or reminders and set alarms on your phone of important things that you need to remember. Try to be organised and plan ahead what you will need for each day. It may be helpful to let others help you with doing this. Having a familiar routine will also make it easier for you to remember what you have to do and what you might need with you.

If you have been given a diagnosis and have been prescribed medication to help you there is a really useful website called HeadMeds which can give you lots of information and advice.

What is ADHD - credit Meyer Center for Developmental Pediatrics

What is Wrong With Me? An ADHD Story- credit Jenna Boyd

Let Me Be Your Camera - Understanding ADHD - credit ADHDPerkins

What is ADHD - credit Meyer Center for Developmental Pediatrics

What is Wrong With Me? An ADHD Story- credit Jenna Boyd

Let Me Be Your Camera - Understanding ADHD - credit ADHDPerkins

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Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

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If you have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) this means that you can struggle with paying attention, have high levels of energy and react quickly to things. This can get in the way of everyday life such as school, hobbies and making friends, although how much it affects someone can vary from person to person.

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The ADHD Foundation is the largest provider of training in ADHD and neurodevelopmental conditions for professionals in the UK.

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BRAAIN - Be Ready ADHD ASD Information Network

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BRAAIN - Be Ready ADHD ASD Information Network

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Whether your child is facing a new diagnosis, has recently been diagnosed or has been diagnosed for many years, this information will be invaluable!

This section provides information on lots of ADHD charities, clubs/groups and a list of schools that have experience in teaching children with special needs.There are also details on the financial help you may be entitled to and a list of some of the private therapists that work in the area.

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ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder | BRAAIN

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Whether your child is facing a new diagnosis, has recently been diagnosed or has been diagnosed for many years, this information will be invaluable! This section provides information on lots of ADHD charities, clubs/groups and a list of schools that have experience in teaching children with special needs.There are also details on the financial help you may be entitled to and a list of some of the private therapists that work in the area.

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Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC) – CAMHS

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BRAAIN - Be Ready ADHD ASD Information Network

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BRAAIN - Be Ready ADHD ASD Information Network

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We are parents of ASD and ADHD children, we understand the challenges parents and children face - We really hope that BRAAIN makes a difference to families!

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Parents & Carers : Barnardo’s South East

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Face to Face - you would attend a weekly session with other parents/carers to explore the session content. This may be in a community venue or a school.

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Information, Advice & Guidance Service

Our information Advice and Guidance team offers a wide range of free services to support individuals, families, and professionals as well as raising autism awareness within the local community.

This service is available pre, during and post diagnosis via the telephone, by email or by appointment at our Hampshire based office. Please note that although we are still available by phone as there is no access to our offices at this time.

We are available on the telephone (Monday to Friday 9 am - 5 pm) and by email. Autism Hampshire offers an information, advice, and guidance service for adults, young people and children with autism, their parents, carers and professionals. The service is available free of charge for people in Hampshire including Southampton, Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight.

General Enquiries Tel: 02380 766162

Email: information.advice@autismhampshire.org.uk

Information, Advice & Guidance Offices: Autism Hampshire, 1646 Parkway, Whiteley, Fareham, PO15 7AH

Workshops for families Living in Hampshire and The Isle of Wight

We offer free Autism Support and Information workshops to families and individuals living in Hampshire. These workshops are for families of children and young people who are awaiting an autism assessment in Hampshire.

The aim of the sessions are to provide insight, advice and support prior or during an assessment and diagnosis. Each session will explore a different aspect of your child's unique way of experiencing the world, and suggest practical ways in which their differences can be accommodated and supported.

Each workshop is 3 hours long. The first part consists of a presentation after which there will be an opportunity for questions. The workshops are open to individuals, family members and others closely associated with the care and support of the child.

The course is open to professionals only if they are attending in the capacity as parent or carer.

Information, Advice, Guidance, Signposting & Support

The team have extensive information and knowledge of Hampshire-wide autism related services. They offer information, advice, guidance, support and signposting.

The team also present and attend events to offer support and advice and to raise autism awareness.

This service is available pre, during and post-diagnosis. They support autistic adults, young autistic people and autistic children.

To book in an appointment please email information.advice@autismhampshire.org.uk or call 02380 766162.

Our Serendipity Project Officer, Deborah Goatley-Birch, describes the support she received from Autism Hampshire's Information, Advice & Guidance service and how it helped her as the parent of a child who is autistic.

Pre, During & Post Diagnostic Pathway

The Information, Advice & Guidance Department is funded through Southampton City Council and CCG, Portsmouth Council and a Hampshire County Council Adult Services Grant to offer support for adults with autism, their families and those connected to them, professionals and the wider autism community.

The Service is based in Southampton and Portsmouth, but also offers drop-in sessions across Hampshire. The Support Service provides advice, guidance signposting and support to:

People who do not yet have an autism diagnosis or who have been referred by their GP for a diagnosis

People after a diagnosis of autism, with specific face-to-face support in helping people understand their diagnosis, what it means for them, and how to make plans to make their life better

Autistic people, their families and other people involved in the person's life and professionals pre-diagnosis, during a diagnosis and post-diagnosis. The advice, guidance, signposting and support is on-going, for as long as a person wishes

People who feel they present with autism characteristics, but do not have a formal diagnosis of autism, their families, others involved in the person's life and professionals.

Anyone who wishes to gain a better understanding of autism. Autism Hampshire manages the Local Autism Directory (LAD) and is able to signpost to a variety of services and information.

Diagnostic support:

Autism Alert Programme - Cards and App

Autism Alert Programme

Our Autism Alert programme supports autistic people, should they find themselves in any type of contact with the police or other emergency services. There is a wallet card, a car badge and an autism assistant app; all of which are provided free for any Hampshire resident.

For more information or to request a card or the app, please contact our Information and Advice team.
Spectra5 Autism Assistant App
The Spectra5 Autism Assistant App is provided in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary. The assistive app is a place to share information about yourself on a mobile device such as your smartphone or tablet so that people can understand a bit about you if you find yourself in a difficult situation or need some help and support.

Who can use it? Autistic adults who live in Hampshire (provided free of charge).

Why use it? The app is designed to help you when you need support from the police or emergency services. It can help you feel safer in situations that you find challenging and enable you to communicate more effectively. Spectra5can also be helpful in your daily life including work, education and leisure.

Please use Spectra5 App form to apply for your Spectra5 app.

For the application form and more information CLICK HERE.

Autism Alert - Wallet Card
Autism Alert - Car Badge
This yellow card should be carried at all times and shown to the police or emergency services in the case of an incident, enabling them to offer appropriate support and contact a named person listed on the back of the card.

The yellow Autism Alert car badge is to be placed with information facing inwards, blank side outwards, in the bottom left hand corner of the windscreen. It is designed to fit in a windscreen permit holder. In the event of an incident, emergency services would be able to identify the person on board who is autistic.

In addition these can be placed strategically in your home so that if emergency services attend you at home, they are aware that someone in the house is autistic.

For more information about Autism Alert app, wallet card and car badge and how to apply, please contact the Information, Advice and Guidance team.

Information, Advice & Guidance Library

We operate a well-stocked library with specialist books on all aspects of autism which are free to borrow.

Please call 02380 766162 to arrange a visit to the library.

Resource Lending Service - Try Before You Buy

We provide a 'Try before you buy' scheme to allow individuals and families to borrow our resources for a short period of time to see whether it is the ocrrect resourse to suit their needs. Items such a weighted blankets, ear defenders and timers are avaiable to borrow for a small deposit. Please contact our Information, Advice and Guidance team to enquire.

The Information, Advice & Guidance team host a variety of opportunities to get together for families, parents and carers, to share experiences and to meet other people. These are free to attend, and take place in a variety of venues across the county.

A wide variety of groups are run by other organisations to support autistic people, parents and carers. We keep a regularly updated list of all local groups for both adults and children, and list them on the Local Autism Directory

Presentations & Autism Awareness

Members of the Information, Advice and Guidance Department regularly give informal talks or presentations on aspects of autism to groups and professionals. Please contact the team for more information.

The National Autistic Society website also provides increased awareness and understanding of autism, detailing some useful examples of autism awareness training that currently exists.

Hospital and Care Passport

Being prepared for a hospital visit or emergency can make a real difference to the care you receive.

The Care Passport is a document that you can complete and update at any time. It tells people such as nurses, paramedics and doctors about your condition and how best to communicate and interact with you. It might save valuable time and avoid misunderstandings, hopefully leading to a better care experience all round.

You can use the Care Passport anywhere you think staff would benefit from the information.
My care passport for hospital and care settings
You can download the Care Passport and complete it at any time. It is a good idea to then keep a printed copy to hand and perhaps share it with a family member or carer should it ever be needed.

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Information, Advice & Guidance | Autism Hampshire

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Our information Advice and Guidance team offers a wide range of free services to support individuals, families, and professionals as well as raising autism awareness within the local community. This service is available pre, during and post diagnosis via the telephone, by email or by appointment at our Hampshire based office.

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4 times as many boys are diagnosed autistic as girls. This is not an accurate picture.

Frequently, for many reasons, girls are diagnosed later (on average up to 6 years later), missed or misdiagnosed, causing long term mental health problems with too many girls feeling too anxious to attend school as a result.

Currently the assessment tools used to screen for autism are male-centric. We want to see tools in place that reflect multiple presentations and needs so that no child's need goes unrecognised or unsupported. We are currently pilot-validating the Internal Presentation of Autism Checklist that sits within our white paper Autism, Girls and Keeping it All Inside , so expect that to change soon. Our survey had 1123 responses in a week, so there are many people who feel strongly about having screening tools which feel representative. Our vision is for a system that enables autistic girls to thrive, to feel understood and to achieve the best educational outcomes.

Our aim is to raise awareness of autism in girls and others who present in an internal way with health, social care and educational professionals and to bring change. Not only to the way that autistic girls are assessed and subsequently supported but to the narrative, with updated and positive terminology used to describe autistic traits.

Our private Facebook group supports both autistic girls and women and their extended families, but there are many more who need our help. We are now a registered charity, fundraising to enable us to both fund projects which offer face to face support and campaign for real change.

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We are a small registered charity working to support, educate, and bring change. Here you will find lots of resources.

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Handwriting Formation Sheet 3 - RWI letter formation

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Handwriting Formation Sheet 3 - RWI letter formation

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Handwriting Formation 2 - RWI letter formation

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Handwriting Formation 2 - RWI letter formation

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Handwriting Formation Sheet - RWI letter formation

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Handwriting Formation Sheet - RWI letter formation

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Inside: Kid-friendly coping skills used to help manage anger, including safe ways to express anger, books to read and videos that can help. This post contains affiliate links. Learn more.
It's starting again, as usual, right after your son gets off the school bus. He is frustrated from things that happened during the day, and now he's yelling and stomping around the house. You're feeling overwhelmed and don't know what to do next.
How do you help an angry child?
Here's a collection of the best tools and tips to teach children how to manage their anger in safe and healthy ways. Let's start with some quick, safe ways to help kids express those feelings.

Looking for more quick ideas to help kids express their anger?
Stop sensory meltdowns by hanging upside down 5 simple ways to help children calm angry feelings 10 more ways to help kids manage anger A Different Way to Respond When Your Child is Aggressive
We need to help our kids understand and expect that they will experience a variety of feelings as they go through life, including anger. It's normal to feel angry at times. It's what you do with those feelings that matter.

Here's a great reminder from Imperfect Families that anger is a feeling too.

When a child is in fight, flight or freeze mode, they can't process information as well as when their body is in rest and digest mode. This is not a teachable moment, and they can't take in a lecture at this point. Your goal is to get them through this rough moment. It's best to keep talking to a minimum. When you do speak, make sure you use a neutral, calm, and quiet tone. Keep it short and repeat the same phrase. Repeating it is helpful because they aren't processing information and words as they usually would. Repetition makes it more likely that they'll hear what you are saying.

Phrases that you can say at that moment:

"I'm here for you."

"I love you."

"I want to help you."

"Let me know when you're ready."

"You are mad; I get it."

"I understand."

Looking for some more inspiration for phrases to say? Check this out:
26 Phrases to Calm and Angry Child
When some kids get big feelings, they destroy items around them - rip books, throw toys, etc. If that's the case for your child, it may be helpful for you to set up a safe spot where kids can go when they are angry. In that space, take everything out that can be destroyed or thrown that might injure someone or damage property. If you have more than one floor, set up a safe spot on each level of your home.

If you aren't in the safe spot when your child is dealing with big feelings, move harmful objects out of the way and try to get them to that safe place.

It may make sense to set up their room as a safe place too. We found this helpful when our son was dealing with a lot of angry feelings. We moved his toys and his bookshelf to a different room in the house so he could still play with them. The items that stayed in his room were those things that wouldn't hurt him or us. We did this to keep everyone, including him, safe. And as time went on, and he had better control of his emotions, we were able to add things back to his room.

How to Make a Calm Down Spot at home
Calm Space in Schools
One of the best things you can do is work on teaching coping skills kids can use before things escalate to epic proportions. The trick is practicing when they are in a calm and relaxed mood, not in the moment when they are angry.

Identify Triggers

Start by talking about what's making them angry. Help them identify those triggers, so you both know for the next time. Is it a particular school subject that makes them frustrated? Perhaps being hungry or thirsty? Are their specific noises or locations that are frustrating?

help kids identify where they feel angry in their body

Sometimes, kids don't know they're angry until after the explosion has happened. Help them identify the signs their body gives them that they are feeling angry. Over time, they'll start to recognize that feeling and ideally use a coping skill before things get too overwhelming.

Explore what other emotions they may be feeling

When kids are angry, there are usually other feelings that they are experiencing too. But anger is easy to see and often hides different feelings that lie below the surface. It's sometimes referred to as the "Anger Iceberg." It takes a bit of time to figure it out, but when your child is in a calm place, talk about what other feelings may be hiding underneath their anger.

Read more about the anger iceberg here.

Identify and practice coping skills

Now that they know what causes those big feelings and how to identify them, help them figure out ways to deal with those feelings in safe and healthy ways. Go through the coping skills checklist and have kids check off the skills that work for them, cross off the ones that don't and circle the ones they want to try.

Identify one coping skill your child would like to try. Take a few minutes during the week and have them practice a coping skill they may be able to use next time. For example, if they are going to try using shapes for deep breathing, have them practice before, so they know how it feels. The idea is to have them practice, so they know what it feels like to do it when they are calm.

Using coping skills to deal with big feelings will not go perfectly every time. Learning to manage anger is a work in progress. Little by little, with practice and time, kids will get better at it. Encourage them when they make safe and healthy choices. When they don't, continue to work with them to figure out better steps they can take the next time.

Use a Feelings Thermometer

Using a feelings thermometer can help kids make the connection between their feelings and their coping skills. Here's how you can make an anger thermometer.

How to Make an Anger Thermometer:

Have the child pick out three colors, one for each section of the thermometer and color it in. Then talk about each section.

Ask what it looks like when they are just a little angry, at the bottom of the thermometer. Do they sigh loudly, growl, etc.?

Then move on to the middle section of the thermometer. If they are medium-sized angry, what does that look like? Does their voice get louder? Do they stomp their feet, etc.?

Finally, talk about what it looks like when they are experiencing big anger at the top of the thermometer. What does that look like? Is it yelling, throwing things, etc.?

It isn't always easy for kids to do this. If they are having a hard time identifying what the behaviors were, I tell them what I noticed the last time I saw them get angry. Or, if I haven't seen them angry, I'll give them a prompt to help them, like "When some kids get angry, they yell, is that something you do?"

Once we go through and identify behaviors on the thermometer, then we work on identifying coping skills they can use to calm down. Some examples include getting a drink of water, taking deep breaths, shredding paper, or taking a break.

Make sure they have coping skills that will help them at each level of anger. It's essential to have a variety of coping skills for each level because not all coping skills will work all the time. For some kids, taking a drink of water can help calm them down when they are just slightly angry. However, when they are furious, getting a drink of water won't help. They need to do something different at that point, like take a break.

When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang Poor Sophie has a hard time managing her anger when she has to share gorilla with her sister. It's a visually appealing book to show how big her feelings get and how it looks when she calms down again.

When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman This is part of "The Way I Feel" series. It explains how different things can make you angry, and that feeling angry is an expected part of life, but it's what you do when you're feeling that way that matters.

Cool Down and Work Through Anger by Cheri J. Meiners M.Ed. Another great book that talks about how anger affects your body and suggesting safe ways to express yourself.

Angry Octopus by Lori Lite and Max Stasuyk A great book that actually is a progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing script for kids. It's wonderful!

Don't Rant and Rave on Wednesdays by Adolph Moser It mentions the consequences of having unchecked anger, and acknowledges that adults struggle with this too. A large part of the book explains different strategies kids can use to express anger in a safe way, which I think is fantastic.

How to Take The Grrrr Out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick and Marjorie Lisovskis I love using this book for kids who are having a hard time managing being angry. I typically read one chapter at a time with the kids and work on some of the strategies listed in the book.

What to Do When Your Temper Flares by Dawn Huebner This book has lovely illustrations and goes through "anger dousing" methods.

Happiness Doesn't Come from Headstands by Tamara Levitt. This is a beautifully illustrated book all about growth mindset and resilience. Leela wants to do headstands and is getting frustrated, and believes the only way she can be happy is if she does headstands. With the help of a friend, she shifts her focus from what she can't do to what she can and focuses on the journey, not the singular goal is doing a headstand.

The Secret to Clara's Calm by Tamara Levitt. This is another beautifully illustrated book that demonstrates the power of mindfulness in managing big feelings. Clara has a bad temper and has big reactions to small problems, but then that leads to kids not wanting to be around her anymore. She works on learning how to be mindful and manage her big feelings with the help of a bird named Brodhi.

Chillax!: How Ernie Learns to Chill Out, Relax and Take Charge of His Anger by Marcella Marino Craver This is a graphic novel, perfect for the tween set.

It's common for parents to struggle with staying calm when their child is angry. As a mom, I know that's tough, especially when your child is having a difficult time. But it's important to learn to do it. You have to get yourself calm before you can help your child. One of the best ways to help your child is to make sure you stay calm yourself.

Use Self-Talk

Here are some phrases that may help you as you are working with your angry kid:

They're having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.

Share my calm, don't join their chaos.

I am in charge of staying calm, no matter how my child is acting and behaving.

All feelings are OK. My job is to help my kid manage them.

I can remain calm, and be a good example for my child.

Be the thermostat, not the thermometer.

TAKE Deep Breaths

If you're getting upset and about to blow up, try deep breathing. I know, it sounds hokey, but it makes a difference. When you are feeling overwhelmed, your body can go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, but in situations like these, you want to stay in rest and digest mode. By taking deep breaths, you're signaling your body to go back to rest and digest mode. Expand your belly as you inhale, and contract your belly as you exhale. Try taking several deep breaths before you take steps to intervene.

Use a grounding technique

If you're overwhelmed, sometimes it helps to do a grounding exercise to calm yourself down.

FIND your support system

Know that you are not alone. Read what this mom has to say about parenting an angry child. If you don't have a support system, then it's time to find one. Here are some ideas for both in person and online support groups to help you.
In Person Support:
There are lots of places you can get support in person. One resource I love is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They offer Family Support Groups, which meet regularly. They also offer a 12 week class for parents by parents, called Family to Family Support. Search for your local NAMI chapter here.

Having support for your child outside of your family can be a lifesaver. Talk to the school, teachers and coaches to help support your child during a difficult time. Sharing knowledge about what strategies work, and how you child responds in different environments is invaluable information.

You can also seek help from a licensed therapist to help support you. It's great to have someone to talk through the tough situations you are experiencing. If scheduling an in-person meeting is tough, you can see therapists online at sites like betterhelp.com. Some kids also benefit from seeing their own therapist. Read this to get a little more information about when you should seek outside help for your child.
Facebook Groups:
Did you know you can search for groups on Facebook to find others who are struggling with similar issues to yours? Here are some active Facebook Groups that have been helpful for families.
Note: You may need to apply to some of these groups in order to be added.
Support for Sensory Needs

Raising Poppies

Happy Sensitive Kids Community

Modern Parenting

The Neighborhood, Imperfect Families

The World's Okayest Parents
Coping Skills for Kids Group
As your son continues to stomp and growl, you take a few deep breaths and say to yourself "Be the thermostat, not the thermometer." Then, in a calm voice, you say to your son "I'm here to help. I love you."

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Inside: Kid-friendly coping skills used to help manage anger, including safe ways to express anger, books to read and videos that can help. This post contains affiliate links. Learn more. It's starting again, as usual, right after your son gets off the school bus.

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This page contains affiliate links, read the disclosure statement Inside: Kid tested strategies used by child therapists for calming anxiety, including ideas to calm down, books to read and videos that can help
It's happening again. Your daughter is frustrated and stomping away down to her room, slamming the door and in general "has her cranky pants on". You say calm down, but she yells back "I don't know how to do that!!!"

We tend to tell our kids to "calm down" without ever giving them explicit directions on how to deal with stress and anxiety. Here's a collection of the best tools and tips I've found to teach children how to calm down and relax.

Sometimes you'll need a quick way to help your child calm down and you don't have much with you. Maybe it's when you're out at Target or stuck in traffic. These tips will come in handy at those times:

Imagine your favorite place - it's like taking a mini vacation wherever you are

Think of your favorite things

Name animals alphabetically (alligator, bear, cow, dog, etc...)

Squeeze Something (play dough, clay, silly putty, your fists, a stress ball)

Get a Cold Drink of Water

54321 Grounding - go through each of your 5 senses

Put your arms straight out in front of you, palms facing out.

Put one hand over the other at the wrists and interlace your fingers.

Swoop your hands and arms toward your body and then place your interlaced hands on your chest.

Cross your feet at the ankles and put your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

Stay still for one minute.

It's great to have a big list of coping skills to try when your child needs to calm down. Here are two more short lists of ideas for calming down at home or at school.

From Imperfect Families - Strategies to use at home

From Encourage Play - 10 Strategies to Help Kids Calm Down at school or home

People usually roll their eyes initially when they hear "breathing is important". But I will continue to say it and explain why. It's so simple, yet has such a big impact on your body's physiology.

When you and calm and relaxed, your body is in "rest and digest" mode. You breathe normally, your heart rate is lower and your muscles are relaxed. However, when stress or anxiety or anger occurs, your body automatically switches into "flight, fight or freeze" mode. Your muscles tense up, your heart rate increases and your breathing becomes more shallow.

Taking deep breaths, instead of shallow breaths, is one way to tell your body to get back to resting and digesting. That's why deep breathing is important!

Luckily, there are some fun ways to teach kids deep breathing techniques

Things to use

Things to say

Breathe in like you are smelling a flower, breathe out like you are blowing out birthday candles

Arms up and breathe in, arms down and breathe out

Pretend your belly is a balloon. Breathe in and make the balloon bigger, then breathe out and make the balloon shrink.

Videos to watch
4 - 7 - 8 Breathing by GoZen
Breathing at Sea Otter Cove from Stress Free Kids

A Coping Skills Toolbox is a kit that you create to help your child calm down when they are upset, anxious or worried. In order to get the most benefit from this, you should create this kit before an issue occurs. When your child experiences anxiety, then they can pick out an item from their Coping Skills Toolbox. This is one of my favorite ways to help kids learn to calm their anxiety.

Here are some other fantastic ideas for what to put in a coping skills toolbox/calm down kit from And Next Comes L

You can create a place specially designed to allow to calm down in a few steps

Find a spot and make it cozy (ask your child for help with that - maybe they can place a favorite blanket or stuffed animal inside)

Add calming tools

Explain how to use it and practice before

When they are starting to escalate, catch it early and give them a calm reminder about their calm down spot

Use the following phrases as a way to support your child, let them know that you're going to support them and help them in any way that you can.

"I'm here for you"

"Talk to me and tell me what's going on"

"How can I help?"

"Together, we can work on this. We're a great team"

"I love you"

"Do you want a hug?"

Here are some more ideas of what to say to calm an anxious child.

From Go Zen - 49 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child

From Lemon Lime Adventures - What to Say to Calm an Anxious Child

Did you know there are podcasts with stories for children? Usually the hosts have a soothing voice and the stories tend to be pretty short. Your child can listen to these podcasts as a way to have some down time.

There are scripts you can read to your child to help them relax and calm down. Slowly and carefully read the words as your child listens and follows the instructions. Check out Inner Health Studios list of scripts you can use with your child. If you prefer not to read a script, there are ones that are pre-recorded.

There are also scripts to practice mindfulness with children. Eline Snel has written a great book on Mindfulness with Kids, Sitting Still Like a Frog. Here are the several scripts that can be used from that book!

Annaka Harris also has several pre-recorded scripts to help kids practice mindfulness

Confused about how to introduce mindfulness to kids? Check out these resources:
Simple Ways to Introduce Mindfulness and Meditation to Children 11 Simple But Effective Ways to Teach Mindfulness to Kids
What you need:

I've used empty soda bottles, empty water bottles, glass jars and plastic containers. Use whatever makes sense for you and your family. For instance, for the calming jars the kids have in their room, I used a heavy duty plastic bottle. I didn't want them to accidentally knock over a glass jar in the dark - that would be a huge mess!

I've had the best results when I've used warm water - it makes it easier for the water and paint to combine.
Glitter Paint
I prefer using glitter paint (or glitter glue) instead of glitter because then I'm not cleaning up glitter for weeks at my house after we make them :-)

To make your jar, add glitter paint to the bottom of the jar until it just covers the bottom of it. Add warm water. Put the cover on and shake to help the ingredients combine. Once you are satisfied with the look of your jar, then you can super glue the lid shut so it doesn't spill. In a pinch, I've also used duct tape to secure the lid.
Watch Make a Simple Calming Jar from Coping Skills for Kids on YouTube Wet Ingredients
Sometimes you want the glitter/other items to stay afloat longer or for a shorter amount of time. Here are some different ingredients you can use as the wet ingredients.
Dry Ingredients
To see several other ways to make calming jars, take a look at what Preschool Inspirations did.

One of the first things I always like to do with kids if they are struggling is to start using visuals. When you're stressed and anxious, it's harder to read and take in information. Visuals are easier.

I like to keep calming cue cards in my children's coping skills toolboxes so that they can make a decision about what coping skill they can use. Sometimes pulling out a list is too much in the moment. You can make your own cue cards.

Take several index cards or small pieces of cardstock

On each one, write or draw one coping skill

Hole punch the cards and place them on a keyring (to make them extra sturdy, you can laminate them)

Put them into the coping skills toolbox for easy access

Using visuals is a powerful way to help kids. When kids are overwhelmed, sometimes it's hard for them to figure out what to do. By having cue cards, your child can have a visual reminder of what calms and relaxes them.

To make things a little easier, I've created ready to use coping skills cue cardsfor you. There are four different sets: Calming, Physical, Distracting, and Processing. If you'd like all 4, I created a set where you can download them all together.

If your child is anxious, they may also be having a difficult time getting settled for bedtime. Here are some ideas to help your child get settled at bedtime.

PINPOINT WHAT THE FEAR IS

One of the most important things to do is to figure out exactly what is causing the anxiety. Is it fear of the dark? Is it a worry about something in the closet? Is it monsters? Is it spiders? Figuring out the cause of the fear will help you come up with ways you can help your child combat it.

REARRANGE THE ROOM

Are there particular spots of the room that seem to be darker or cause more fear at night than others? Go into the bedroom during the day with your child and talk about the spots that make your child nervous. Try moving night lights and furniture around for a more calming room arrangement.

TRANSITIONAL OBJECTS

If your child has a hard time separating from you, try a transitional object. This is a special item that helps your child feel comforted. It helps them feel like part of you is still present even when you're not there. It could be something like a stuffed animal or a special stone or necklace, or a sweatshirt of yours. The object isn't what matters, it's what the object represents. They can keep it and hold it all night long to help them relax and go to sleep.

Find more strategies here: 12 Kid Friendly Strategies to Calm Anxiety at Night

Looking for some calming guided meditation to help get to sleep at night? Try one of these: Best Guided Meditations for Sleep.

Whenever I sit down and talk with someone about their coping skills, one of the first
things I ask is if they have tried writing about it. Why do I always start with journaling as
a way of processing through difficult feelings?

It's easier to write about than talk about hard things

Journaling helps you process what's happening.

It's convenient.

It's not graded

It can help you solve a problem

It can help you re-frame your thinking

Looking for a journal for a child or teen? Check out Big Life Journals!

General Anxiety

The Coping Skills for Kids Workbook by Janine Halloran. This book has over 75 strategies for kids to try to help them manage their stress and worry. This book also includes colorful worksheets to help kids learn more about their anxiety and what they can do to manage their stress.

Wilma Jean the Worry Machine by Julia Cook I love that when Wilma Jean's physical reactions are described, they're also illustrated. When is says she has knots in her stomach and her knees lock, her stomach really looks like it's tied in a knot and there's a real lock around her knees. I love the activity she does with her teacher, going over worries she can control and worries she can't, it's a great way to help kids manage their anxiety.

David and the Worry Beast by Anne Marie Guanci David's anxiety is a beast, and the more anxious he gets, the bigger it grows. David learns to control his thoughts, and his beast shrinks. There's also a couple of pages for parents and kids in the back.

When My Worries Get Too Big by Kari Dunn Buron This book is wonderful! There are several pages where kids can add in their own thoughts, worries and what helps them relax. This book also uses the 5 point scale to talk about stress and different ways to manage it.

What To Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huebner, PhD This book goes through several ways that can help kids manage anxiety, including setting a time for worries, thinking about things that make you happy and resetting your body with activity or relaxation. There are some interactive places in this book, where a child can write down their worries, draw some images of things that might help, etc.

What To Do When You're Scared and Worried by James J. Crist This is one of my favorite books for kids to help them deal with anxiety. Near the beginning of the book is a checklist that helps kids narrow down what they are anxious about. The beginning of the book covers the basics of what anxiety is and how to help manage with coping skills. The next section of the book goes into detail about different types of anxiety kids might experience, including Separation Anxiety, Phobias and Panic Attacks.

Separation Anxiety

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn Classic about managing separation anxiety when kids start school. My daughter's kindergarten teacher read this on our visit to school the first day.

When I miss you by Cornelia Maude Spelman This is perfect for little ones who have a hard time dealing with the fact that they are away from their parents during the day. It suggests a couple of things they can do to help and reassurance that parents will come back at the end of the day.

Wemberley Worried by Kevin Henkes Poor Wemberley worries about everything, and then she gets really worried when she is about to start school.

This E-Course offers you instant support from a Child Therapist.
You will get:
12 Videos that are quick and bite size

14 Exercises that will expand on the skills taught

6 Cheat Sheets that will serve as a reference
Along with the course you get:
Access to the instructor for ongoing support

Downloadable PDF versions of all lessons

Lifetime access to the course

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Hampshire Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service is an NHS specialist service, provided by Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust for young people aged 5-18 years and their families who are experiencing difficulties with their mental and emotional health. Many young people experience difficulties with their mental health such as anxiety, low mood, trauma, eating difficulties plus many others which can impact on all aspects of life such as education, home life, hobbies and interests, socialising and having fun.

It is important to know that everyone has mental health and that we can all experience tough times and this can cause our mental health to suffer. CAMHS work with young people, their families and other important organisations (such as schools) to achieve the following:

* Assess and diagnose mental health and neurodevelopmental difficulties
* Identify realistic goals or changes
* Identify and build on strengths
* Improve self-esteem and confidence to cope with difficulties
* Learn emotional coping techniques to help manage difficult or upsetting thoughts, feelings, urges or experiences
* Empower the young person to identify, express and communicate their needs, take responsibility for their health and wellbeing and feel confident in knowing where and how to get additional support if necessary
Hampshire CAMHS Thresholds
We cannot "cure" mental health difficulties or prevent difficulties ever coming back. Lots of things can impact on our mental health, some of which are beyond anyone's control. Instead we work with you to help you learn how to manage your difficulties and in many cases overcoming them is absolutely possible. There may also be some difficulties or experiences which CAMHS are not able to provide support for. In these cases we will help you access appropriate help from other organisations and services such as drug and alcohol services and bereavement services plus many others.

You will need to be willing and committed to attending sessions that are offered as well as trying and practising techniques until you find what works well for you. You will need to be prepared to work with us in this way so that you have the best chance of achieving your goals/recovery.

Overcoming difficulties also depends on how much an individual would like to change. Often change can be scary and many young people feel they don't have the energy or the motivation to change or try different things. If you have made the step of asking for help and attending an assessment and are committed to making changes, we will work with you to help you achieve your goals/recovery.

Anyone can help you get an appointment at Hampshire Specialist CAMHS; you, your parents or carers, your teachers, a health professional (such as a school nurse or GP) or a social worker, using our online referral form which you can complete and submit online. You can also call Hampshire CAMHS on 0300 304 0050 (Monday - Friday, 9am-5pm).

If you are experiencing difficulties, it is really important to talk to those around you so that they can support you with these and with getting the right help and support.

We would recommend talking to CAMHS before making a referral so that we can offer advice and guidance and to decide whether CAMHS is the right service to meet your needs. CAMHS may also be able to offer recommendations about other services, organisations and things that may be helpful.

If after receiving a referral it is agreed that it would be helpful for CAMHS to offer an appointment, you will be given a date as soon as possible. Please be aware that there may be a wait for an appointment. If you feel that things are becoming more difficult or more urgent whilst you are waiting for appointment, please contact the Single Point of Access for CAMHS on 0300 304 0050 to let us know.

* At your first appointment we'll start with introductions and outline what will happen during the appointment. Your first appointment may be by telephone or face to face
* We'll ask you to fill in some questionnaires. These help us to understand your strengths and any difficulties you might be experiencing
* Your clinician will also talk to you about confidentiality and consent to share information
* The aim of your first appointment is to find out what your goals are and what you would like to be different
* By the end of the appointment we will decide together the best way forward in order to help you reach your goals/recovery
* If you have any questions, worries or concerns please speak to your clinician - we're all here to listen and to help, your initial appointment is a chance to discuss what is currently going on for you.

We have a leaflet entitled 'About your CAMHS appointment' which you can download here.

This leaflet clearly explains what to do if you have difficulties getting to appointments, it may address other questions you may have and also explains our appointment policy.

We understand that there are lots of reasons why you might not want information shared with your young person's school. We will want to understand those reasons so that we can make sure you still receive the help and support you might need.

There are some situations when we will need to share information with others. If your young person or someone they know are being harmed or are at risk of harm, we have a duty to protect anyone from harm so we will find a way together to share information in an appropriate way. We will include you in all discussions as much as possible when sharing information is involved.

If you are worried about information being shared please speak to your clinician about this so you can agree a way forward together.

* Following your first appointment, if it is agreed that CAMHS can help you a number of things may happen
* You may be offered a group to attend. We know that for some that groups with other people experiencing similar difficulties are the best support. These will be run by our experienced clinicians
* You may be offered a further period of assessment and intervention by one of our clinicians. They will contact you to arrange this.

This will depend on many factors including the type of difficulties you are experiencing and your goals. There will be regular reviews of how things are progressing and discussions with you and your family about the care we provide. At CAMHS we aim to empower young people to learn and develop skills to help themselves cope and work towards their goals.

Sessions usually last between 50 minutes and one hour. Some sessions are longer depending on the therapy approach being used. You can use as much or as little of your session time as you want.

No, not everyone that comes to CAMHS is prescribed medication. Medication can be helpful for some young people depending on what difficulties they are experiencing. If you have any questions or worries about medication, you can ask your clinician.

You might also find useful information and guidance about psychiatric medication on this website: www.headmeds.org.uk

If there is an emergency and you or someone else is at risk of serious harm, call 999 immediately and tell anyone else who may be near you so they can help.

If your young person is in crisis and you do not know what to do, click here.

If it is not an emergency, encourage your young person to find someone to talk to; a parent/ carer or family member, friend or partner, or call the helpline. If you already see someone at CAMHS, you can call after the weekend or the next day to speak with them or someone else in the team.

We know that when people finish their work with us and are discharged (closed) from our service, people can worry that they might not cope. It is important that if you are working with CAMHS that you complete a relapse prevention plan before you finish. It is important to keep this and follow the plan if you are struggling.

You can use the self-help pages of this website to remind yourself of the top tips to help you cope and access extra self-help information and advice. The most important thing to do is to let a parent/carer, teacher or trusted adult know that you are struggling so that they can support you.

Young people can sometimes be re-referred to CAMHS if this is agreed this would be the most helpful thing to do.

Yes!
* Specialist Eating Disorder Team
This team covers the whole of Hampshire and works with young people who have eating disorders and difficulties and their families. Our aim is to see young people as quickly as possible and provide specialist treatment. The team also provides information and guidance for anyone who might be concerned about an eating difficulty. The Specialist Eating Disorder Team can be contacted Monday-Friday 9-5pm on 0300 304 0062.
* i2i (Urgent Assessment and Home Treatment Team)
Our i2i team provide specialist intensive assessment and treatment to young people who are experiencing crisis or who require extra care to try to prevent crises from happening. This service can only be accessed by young people already coming to CAMHS and who have been referred by their CAMHS worker. The team provide urgent assessments and help develop care plans with you, your family, the CAMHS team, school and other agencies (where needed) that aim to keep young people as safe as possible.
* Learning Disability Care
Hampshire CAMHS also offer their services to children and young people with a learning disability, making sure that young people with a learning disability who also have a mental health difficulty can get the help and support they need. Every team in Hampshire CAMHS has a specialist learning disability CAMHS worker who can offer a range of approaches depending on each person's needs. One of the main approaches used is Positive Behaviour Support. This is an approach to support children and young people when they have behaviours that can be challenging.

We work together to find out why a behaviour may occur, including triggers and outcomes. This helps us to think of strategies to help a young person manage their feelings and helps parents or carers to respond in helpful ways.

Further information can be found at: www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk
* Youth Offending Team and Forensic CAMHS
The Youth Offending Team (YOT) is a service provided by Children's Services for young people who are involved in the Criminal Justice System. CAMHS provides specialist assessments and ways to help young people who have been involved in crime and are working with YOT. These CAMHS clinicians work within the YOT teams and alongside the YOT workers.

Forensic CAMHS is a specialist service for young people who experience a mental health difficulty and who may pose a risk to themselves or others. CAMHS workers in this team provide training, and advice and consultation to other professionals as well as specialist assessments and work with the young person and their family. The Clinicians in this team work closely with children's services, schools, the Police and other relevant organisations to ensure the health, wellbeing and safety of the young person and those around them

What do certain words mean? Read our Glossary.

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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EHC Hub - The place for all EHCP applications and reviews

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EHC Hub - The place for all EHCP applications and reviews

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EHCP Information - What are they? How do they help?

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EHCP Information - What are they? How do they help?

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Family Information and Services Hub | Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health

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Family Information and Services Hub

Here you will find a range of useful web links, downloadable resources, and online videos on various issues and topics that may be able to provide you with the support that you need, or answer questions that you may have.

If you are seriously concerned about a child you should contact this number without delay: Childrens Services 0300 555 1384 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm) - out of hours 0300 555 1373. If it's an emergency and a child is in immediate danger, call 999

To help you access support, talk to someone from any of the support services who is already in contact with your family. This might be a health visitor, teacher or a community worker. They will discuss your concerns and help you access the right support.

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The Government has released helpful guidance on supporting children and young people's mental health and wellbeing during the coronavirus outbreak . This provides detailed information about how different ages may react to the current situation and different support available.

Last Updated: 18 August 2023

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Family Information and Services Hub | Family Support

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Here you will find a range of useful web links, downloadable resources, and online videos on various issues and topics that may be able to provide you with the support that you need, or answer questions that you may have. If you are seriously concerned...

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IPSEA - Independent Provider of Special Education Advice

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IPSEA - Independent Provider of Special Education Advice

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(IPSEA) Independent Provider of Special Education Advice

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(IPSEA) Independent Provider of Special Education Advice

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IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) - helping children and young people with special educational needs and/or disabilities (SEND) get the education they are entitled to by law

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Do you need some support responding to an EHCP or a Working Document? Join one of our online clinics where we'll guide you through the process.

Impartial Special Educational Needs and Disability Information, Advice and Support (SENDIASS) in Hampshire

Hampshire SENDIASS is an impartial Special Educational Needs and Disability Information, Advice and Support Service (SENDIASS) that aims to make a positive and lasting difference for children and young people with special educational needs and/or disability (SEND) and their parents and carers. We do this by providing timely confidential, impartial information, advice and support through our online resources, at events and workshops, via our helpline service and through individual casework.

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Hampshire SENDIASS is provided by Polaris Children's Services, part of a leading Children's Services Group with over 24 years of experience in supporting children, young people and their families to build brighter futures.

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Hampshire SENDIASS provide information and support to Children & Young People with special education needs and/or a disabilities.