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Open blue mussel shell in the shape of a heart on a sandy beach  

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Objects and images help me to explain things I can't easily find the words for. Mary Ruefle's essay 'Pause' takes me right back to the bleakest of days, and reminds me of what I survived.

Understanding the challenges I face has helped me to take things more gently; finding out what gives me joy has enabled me to embrace it. I have also found renewed purpose in life, as an activist for Autistic justice and rights.

http://www.granta.com/pause/

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Pop-up box: "In a world of autism myths be an autism legend"

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Communities of #Autistic and #Neurodivergent people are strong online.

You can pose questions on Twitter / X and other channels by using the hashtag #AskingAutistics

Some Autistic people who post on social media use #ActuallyAutistic

Other frequently used hashtags include:

#AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD)

#ADHD #ADHDers

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Fluorescent yellow vest with logo "This is what the menopause looks like" 

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Menopause is a personal journey shaped by social context and individual circumstances.

Artist Cate Osborne @Catrinosborne toured a photographic exhibition which is going to become a book, showing just how different menopause can look.

Access to resources social norms and intersectionality have a big influence on how we make this key transition.

'Everything you need to embrace the change' Deborah Jermyn

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Turquoise gift box, pink tissue with diverse people and "have empathy" 

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I didn’t have any friends to talk about perimenopause with, which made it harder to get practical advice or empathy.

Sharing experiences with other Autistic people has gifted me such helpful insights. Some of us struggle, others sail through.

This Autistic led longitudinal research study into Autism from Menstruation to Menopause may help to explain why.

Autism from menstruation to menopause: Dr Aimee Grant, Swansea University

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Small clear crystal multifaceted clock showing 09:42 

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The uncertainty of perimenopause was very difficult for me. No one could tell me how long it might take.

My GP suggested time travel as a possible solution. That didn’t seem funny to me.

If they had understood Autism (or perimenopause) they could have helped me so much more.

'Barriers to healthcare and self-reported adverse outcomes for autistic adults' Mary Doherty et al. bmjopen.bmj.com

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A small origami horse folded from a piece of red paper  

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How we discuss Autism matters. What we say can perpetuate stigma or encourage acceptance. Allies are important.

Seven years ago, before I knew I was Autistic, I talked to some sixth formers about Autism in a neurodiversity-affirmative way. One of them made something intricate while we spoke, then gave me this tiny origami horse.

How to Be a Great Ally to the Autistic Community - reframingautism.org.au

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Art work by Abbie Cairns 'Change' embroidered prose poem on calico  

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I started off calling myself an ‘Autistic advocate’, now I call myself an ‘Autistic activist’. Both involve acting in support of Autistic justice and rights.

Advocating asks for change, activism insists on it, and when it comes to Autistic menopause let’s not forget about intersectionality and cultural differences.

Blood, bone, crone: the menopause experience from the inside out – Karen Ross - YouTube

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Smooth shiny Tiger's Eye thumb stone with indentation

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This thumb stone is made from Tiger’s Eye, symbolising courage in the face of danger. Rubbing it between my fingers and thumb is very soothing.

Stimming to self-regulate was an important part of my childhood. I gave up as a teenager to avoid being bullied. It took me 40+ years and an Autism diagnosis to learn how to stim again.

What Is Autistic Stimming? Claire Jack - Psychology Today

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Sea urchin test in shades of cream, pink, taupe and brown

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My life has come full circle as I reconnect with objects I loved as a child. I’ve long been fascinated by sea urchins; deep mysteries of the ocean are encoded here.

I’m so glad that Autistic menopause is finally beginning to be decoded by researchers. Here is one of the articles that helped to save my life:

Autism research is ‘all about the blokes and the kids’: Autistic women breaking the silence on menopause - Moseley - 2021

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Pink pantones graduating into red and black with euphemisms for menstruation   

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I still have menopausal symptoms post menopause. The idea we’re ever entirely through with menopause may be a myth!

The research I am doing connects powerfully with my lived experience of undiagnosed Autism and difficult perimenopause (but this isn’t true for all). There are lighter moments too, like when I discovered this wonderful art work called ‘Period Pantones’ by Hazel Mead.

www.hazelmead.com

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You will find a wealth of accessible resources on Neurodivergence, Autism, Mental Health, suicidality and menopause on my colleague Dr Rachel Moseley’s website.

Rachel’s papers on Autistic menopause are there, along with plain English summaries and short video explanations. There’s also a page with links to other sources of information and support:

www.scienceonthespectrum.net

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An iridescent triangular monolith in shades of purple, blue, pink and gold.   

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The idea for creating this ‘curated collection of curiosities’ came from a research study I’ve been working on. We’re exploring Autistic people’s experiences of all stages of menopause.

We decided to invite people to make creative submissions as well as taking part in focus groups, interviews, and an online survey. Some people can express their thoughts and feelings better this way.

www.autisticmenopause.com

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A seed packet: Twilight Wild Flower Seeds for night pollinators   

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I am in my twilight years, shading into old age, but I’m still planting trees looking forward to fruit, and still planting seeds looking forward to flowers.

I’m doing this for future generations, and for the natural world I inhabit, which has given me such solace and sanctuary.

https://inews.co.uk/culture/books/fingers-sparkle-jar-read-exclusive-extract-chris-packhams-award-winning-nature-writing-122364

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Crystal with pointed top: aqua, green and purple with a deep diagonal flaw 

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This beautiful iridescent crystal has a flaw running right through it. I hesitated before buying it. What if it were to break?

Then I remembered the Buddhist concept that everything is broken already.

Flaws and imperfections make us human.   I try to embrace and accept mine. Self-acceptance and self-compassion follow.

How My Autism Diagnosis and Self-Compassion Saved Me by Jessica Penot | The Art of Autism

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Glazed pale green tile with fused fractured glass in the centre rimmed in marine. 

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The furnace I went through broke me then ended up making me stronger. But it was a very risky business; at times I came close to the edge.

No one who expresses suicidality should be denied support from mental health professionals simply because they’re seen to have mental capacity. That’s neglect.

A systematic review and meta-analysis of suicidality in autistic and possibly autistic people | Victoria Newell et al.,|

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A small pottery Buddha decorated in shades of coral and green  

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Spirituality is rarely spoken about in the same breath as menopause, or getting an Autism diagnosis, yet both have been existential experiences for me.

I’ve been on enlightening journeys, connecting with deeper aspects of myself, exploring my place in the bigger scheme of things, from suicidality into hope again.

Journal_of_Ecohumanism_ Empathy_with_Nature_and_an_Autistic_Spirituality_Anna_Nygren

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A recessed frame filled with empty HRT pill, patch, and pessary packets

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HRT is not a panacea, but it was part of my journey to stability. After attending a menopause cafe I went back to my GP armed with information.

I was over 60, but HRT was still an option. Alternative treatments exist but are sometimes neglected, which they shouldn’t be (some people can’t use HRT).

https://www.rcog.org.uk/for-the-public/menopause-and-later-life/hrt-and-alternatives/

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A tangle of bendy toy people in multiple colourful shades 

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Understanding the dynamics of Autistic / non-Autistic interaction makes things easier to manage. Autism isn’t a deficit – the mismatch in communication is caused by the ‘double empathy problem’.

Avoiding miscommunication is easier now I can explain my Autistic communication differences and ask for accommodations.

The ‘double empathy problem’: Ten years on - Damian Milton, Emine Gurbuz, Beatriz López, 2022 (sagepub.com)

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A recessed frame with 'Adventure Awaits' on the glass and a map of the world behind.  

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I may not travel far from home these days, but the spirit of adventure is alive in me.

My Autism diagnosis led to a new career as an Autism researcher, which has helped me to feel far more capable.

Understanding structural barriers helped me to overcome internalised ableism.

A capabilities approach to understanding and supporting autistic adulthood | Nature Reviews Psychology

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A small glass multifaceted pointed dome with rainbow colours 

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Even though I am not materialistic, sparkly physical objects fascinate me.

Like this tiny glass dome, which gives me so much joy whenever I hold it. It is the essence of a rainbow made tangible.

This is the flip side of my unpleasant sensory sensitivities.

My early love for glitter hinted at my future diagnosis – Clem Barstow (smh.com.au)

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Fractured female statue, with hands opening chest, revealing green moss inside 

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Since my Autism diagnosis I have been reframing my life through self-reflection, psychotherapy, and connection with other neurodivergent people.

Those of us who are late diagnosed often share similar experiences even though our lives are also very different.

How My Autistic Life Experience Inspires Me to Help Others (autism-discovery.com)
Lara Schaeffer

(Photo: Marianne Smiley)

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Glass bead necklace in rainbow colours arranged as an infinity sign   

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My rainbow necklace often sparks conversations about diversity.

I wear it to celebrate being Autistic and non-binary, in solidarity with those who don’t feel safe disclosing their identity.

I feel pride about being openly Autistic and try to use this to combat stigma.

“People Might Understand Me Better”: Diagnostic Disclosure Experiences of Autistic Individuals in the Workplace - Jade Davies et al.

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Multicoloured plush cuddly octopus with a smiley face 

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The rediscovery of joy was essential to my recovery from the stress of being Autistic in an unaccommodating world.

It has also helped me to cope with the added strain of going through menopause.

I find joy in nature, in the company of my dogs, in the clothes that I wear, and the food that I eat. Sensory joy.

https://undercoverautism.org/2020/08/03/sensory-joy-and-healing/

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Before I knew I was Autistic I used up a lot of energy trying not to show my distress. I didn’t feel entitled to express discomfort because I didn’t understand what a lot I was having to put up with.

The onset of perimenopause put me under even greater pressure, and after a decade of struggling it broke me.

'When my autism broke': A qualitative study spotlighting autistic voices on menopause - Rachel Moseley et al.

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A ceramic butterfly ornament decorated in shades of yellow, orange and blue 

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Becoming more fully myself has been a metamorphosis. A cocooning, followed by transformation, and emergence.

It has been a terrible struggle at times.
Sometimes it still is.

Letting go of what doesn’t work for me.
Embracing sensory joy.
Practising self-care.

https://oldladywithautism.blog/2023/06/24/adjusting-to-recent-autism-diagnosis/

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At the moment when I finally made the connection and realised I was Autistic electricity coursed through me.

I was flooded with emotions, excitement, joy, disbelief, amazement, gratitude, relief. Not only had I found myself, I had also found my people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P76_KGy4dXY

‘We Are Proud Autistic Women’ (by Kristy Forbes) Einhverfusamtokin463

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Framed postcard of a classic rollercoaster ride  

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Without knowing it I was on an emotional rollercoaster during perimenopause. The same ride I’d been on in puberty, during my menstrual cycle, and after childbirth.

With hindsight I can see that I met the criteria for PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder). Like many other aspects of my life, I’d assumed this was a failing in me.

Menstruation and menopause in autistic adults: Periods of importance? - Annabeth P Groenman et al

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Toy dragon holding a bottle cap in its mouth with the slogan 'Not Guilty'   

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I’d had some intense emotional outbursts in puberty, as a parent, and when under stress at work. But during perimenopause there were times when I felt completely out of control; scared of and for myself.

I didn’t know that I was Autistic and that these were meltdowns. My behaviour was interpreted as potentially criminal.

OSF Preprints | ‘The night I lost my freedom and got it back again’ by Rose Matthews

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A dull grey stone with concentric contours and sparkly highlights 

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After the long dark winter spring returned and even the dullest grey stones started to sparkle.

The glimmer of hope was undeniable.

I began to feel more alive.

I had just enough energy to go searching for answers.

Samantha Craft's Autistic Traits Checklist - My Spectrum Suite

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Snow globe with dog waiting under bare tree with birds sitting in it  

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Winters came and winters went.

I felt frozen inside.

There was so much in my past that traumatised me.

There was so much in my future that frightened me.

But during my hibernation I began to heal.

Wintering — KATHERINE MAY (katherine-may.co.uk)

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A stone wedged into a hole in a sea worn concrete brick    

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In the middle of my life, I lost my way. Things kept going wrong, but I had no idea why. I changed jobs, relationships, homes. The pattern repeated.

I was stuck and couldn’t get free.

The only common denominator in these situations appeared to be me; so unsurprisingly I started to blame myself.

Living with autism without knowing: diagnosis in later life - Stagg & Belcher

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In my 40s my clothes became itchy, being touched gave me electric shocks, my emotions were like invisible cactus needles. I felt prickly.

I had no idea I was in perimenopause or how this affected my sensory sensitivities.

Was I getting more sensitive or no longer putting up with the discomfort I’d forced myself to endure for years? Probably both.

https://www.katecodrington.co.uk/autistic-perimenopause/

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As a child I teased apart knots in my mother’s fine chain necklaces with endless patience, but the tangles I got into in adulthood were far trickier to unpick.

It’s taken me decades to work out why this is, and I’m still learning from other people’s experiences, like Amy Richards’.

NB: you don’t always have to untie knots, there are some you can just cut!

https://squarepeg.community

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A photograph of a Norfolk beach with goddess shaped rivulets  

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I have always seen images in nature. A female form revealed by rivulets on a beach. The outline of a body, internal workings of the reproductive system, and quintessential spiritual energy.

Nature nurtures me. I lost touch with its healing powers in the maelstrom of mid-life, but reconnecting in old age saved me. I am a wild child*, escaped from captivity.

https://blog.dubraybooks.ie/2021/07/10/wild-child-by-dara-mcanulty/

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Purple ombre glass vase with bulbous bottom, narrow waist and handles like arms    

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This vase has attitude (ADHD-itude even!)

It represents how I feel post menopause:
More grounded and surer of myself.
Occupying space.
Not giving way.

It reminds me of Lucille Clifton’s poem: “Homage to My Hips”*

When you look at it, what do you see?

*https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/49487/homage-to-my-hips

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An open ripe fig in the shape of a heart  

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Objects have always fascinated me. The look, feel, and nature of them.
My pockets were full of pebbles as a child.
The objects in this collection represent facets of my journey through menopause, and late in life Autism discovery.
This is a curious business and I’m not through it yet.
Being Autistic, in post menopause, and ageing all intertwine. Where does one end and the other begin? Impossible to tell!

www.rosematthewsresearch.com