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When considering queer identities, those outside of the ‘LG’ in LGBTQ+ can find the representation lacking. For the bi community, misconceptions abound about who they are or what to expect from them. It may be seen as something “situational”, where no commitment is required. Bisexuality may not be seen as a solid identity in itself, instead a ‘phase’, something temporary, a transitional process until one figures out whether they’re gay or straight. Under a biphobic view, bi people are considered untrustworthy, more prone to cheat on their partners, and are immoral; in this skewed perception, bisexual people are only seen in the sexual sense, in the hurtful possibilities that entails.

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We see this mostly regarding women, where bisexuality is a homoerotic performance in service of the male gaze. Under this view, women act out fantasies for the male voyeur, and sexual, arousing acts become the focus over anything else. There is no emotional depth to be gleaned, no thoughts or regard for the diversity of the bi community, only surface-level aesthetic and arousal.

And within this realm of performative bisexuality, men having romantic and/or sexual experiences with other men simply do not fit into the equation. Whereas women can experiment with their sexuality or are allowed a little fluidity in their identity, men cannot. Experimentation with other men can't occur either, lest one loses access to his manhood.

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if there is a right person, it is not you

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As with the bi community, we find that representation for ace/aro people can also be lacking, perhaps even more so. To be asexual is to be seen as a choice (likened to celibacy), instead of a literal lack of attraction. Ace people may be seen as immature or a ‘late bloomer’, and not to be taken seriously, which can be infantilizing and dismissive. Or, there may be the notion that asexual people have a certain “look” (i.e. unattractive) that prevents them from getting a partner. To have sexual and/or romantic attraction is seen as completely one way or the other, with no in-between, instead of as a spectrum of different ways of feeling or experiencing attraction. For aromantics, their lives are considered unfulfilled without it, as romantic relationships are considered so important in our society, as an ideal to uphold. With how so much in our lives can revolve around sex and romance, it becomes difficult for people to imagine a fulfilling life without either.

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together we are a venn diagram because we partially overlap

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The misconceptions surrounding these identities share similarities. To be bi or ace can be seen as “just a phase”, as something not meant to be permanent or taken seriously, which can be invalidating to one’s experiences and how they identify. If being bi is seen as confusion or immaturity, being ace/aro is similarly seen as having a lack of immaturity. Both are also comparable in how their relationships to sex is perceived - one is too sexual, the other is not sexual enough. What is the same, however, is that neither is acceptable or truly valid. In both cases, these myths take away a person’s agency or individual autonomy, to know and express who they are. In these cases, neither is seen as “queer enough”: both must be consistently performed and proven to others who police these identities. Heteronormativity also undermines these sexualities, by not taking into account sexual fluidity, not considering different experiences or feelings that may deviate from what is “ideal”.

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It's important that we do away with thinking under these misconceptions and false binaries as we consider the future ahead. We can go beyond male fantasy when it comes to female sexuality (it can be a part, but it should not be what dominates, it cannot be the only thing). We can allow for sexual fluidity within ourselves and others, and not box ourselves into what we think should be. We can begin to imagine our lives without the pressure of holding to certain ideals or requirements, of what should or should not be.