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This article describes racial prejudice. In the time period there is a lot of racial prejudice especially because of peoples skin colors. This relates to To Kill A Mockingbird because  during the book there is many examples during the story of racial prejudice.

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Words such as racism, prejudice and stereotype are often used interchangeably. While the definitions of these terms overlap, they actually mean different things. Racial prejudice, for instance, typically arises from race-based stereotypes. People of influence who prejudge others set the stage for institutional racism to occur. How does this happen? This overview of what racial prejudice is, why it's dangerous and how to combat prejudice explains in detail.

Defining Prejudice

It's difficult to discuss prejudice without clarifying what it is. The fourth edition of the American Heritage College Dictionary provides four meanings for the term-from "an adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts" to "irrational suspicion or hatred of a particular group, race or religion." Both definitions apply to the experiences of ethnic minorities in Western society. Of course, the second definition sounds much more menacing than the first, but prejudice in either capacity has the potential to cause a great deal of damage.

Likely because of his skin color, English professor and writer Moustafa Bayoumi says that strangers often ask him, "Where are you from?" When he answers that he was born in Switzerland, grew up in Canada and now lives in Brooklyn, he raises eyebrows. Why? Because the people doing the questioning have a preconceived idea about what Westerners generally and Americans particularly look like.

They're operating under the (erroneous) assumption that natives of the United States don't have brown skin, black hair or names that aren't English in origin. Bayoumi acknowledges that the people suspicious of him typically don't "have any real malice in mind." Still, they allow prejudice to guide them.

While Bayoumi, a successful author, has taken the questions about his identity in stride, others deeply resent being told that their ancestral origins make them less American than others. Prejudice of this nature may not only lead to psychological trauma but also to racial discrimination. Arguably no group demonstrates this more than Japanese Americans.

Prejudice Begets Institutional Racism

When the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, the U.S. public viewed Americans of Japanese descent suspiciously. Although many Japanese Americans had never stepped foot in Japan and knew only of the country from their parents and grandparents, the notion spread that the Nisei (second-generation Japanese Americans) were more loyal to the Japanese empire than to their birthplace-the United States. Acting with this idea in mind, the federal government decided to round up more than 110,000 Japanese Americans and place them in internment camps for fear that they would team up with Japan to plot additional attacks against the United States. No evidence suggested that Japanese Americans would commit treason against the U.S. and join forces with Japan. Without trial or due process, the Nisei were stripped of their civil liberties and forced into detention camps.

The case of Japanese-American internment is one of the most egregious cases of racial prejudice leading to institutional racism. In 1988, the U.S. government issued a formal apology to Japanese Americans for this shameful chapter in history.

Prejudice and Racial Profiling

After the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Japanese Americans worked to prevent Muslim Americans from being treated how the Nisei and Issei were during World War II. Despite their efforts, hate crimes against Muslims or those perceived to be Muslim or Arab rose following the terrorist attacks. Americans of Arab origin face particular scrutiny on airlines and airports. On the tenth anniversary of 9/11, an Ohio housewife of Arab and Jewish background named Shoshanna Hebshi made international headlines after accusing Frontier Airlines of removing her from a flight simply because of her ethnicity and because she happened to be seated next to two South Asian men.

She says that she never left her seat, spoke to other passengers or tinkered with suspicious devices during the flight. In other words, her removal from the plane was without warrant. She'd been racially profiled.

"I believe in tolerance, acceptance and trying-as hard as it sometimes may be-not to judge a person by the color of their skin or the way they dress," she stated in a blog post. "I admit to have fallen to the traps of convention and have made judgments about people that are unfounded. ...The real test will be if we decide to break free from our fears and hatred and truly try to be good people who practice compassion-even toward those who hate."

The Link Between Racial Prejudice and Stereotypes

Prejudice and race-based stereotypes work hand in hand. Due to the pervasive stereotype that an all-American person is blonde and blue-eyed (or at the very least white), those who don't fit the bill-such as Moustafa Bayoumi-are prejudged to be foreign or "other." Never mind that this characterization of an all-American more aptly describes the Nordic population than individuals who are indigenous to the Americas or the diverse groups that make up the United States today.

Combating Prejudice

Unfortunately, racial stereotypes are so prevalent in Western society that even the very young exhibit signs of prejudice. Given this, it's inevitable that the most open-minded of individuals will have a prejudiced thought on occasion. One needn't act on prejudice, however. When President George W. Bush addressed the Republican National Convention in 2004, he called on schoolteachers not to give in to their preconceived ideas about students based on race and class.

He singled out the principal of Gainesville Elementary School in Georgia for "challenging the soft bigotry of low expectations." Although poor Hispanic children made up most of the student body, 90 percent of pupils there passed state tests in reading and math.

"I believe every child can learn," Bush said. Had school officials decided that the Gainesville students couldn't learn because of their ethnic origin or socioeconomic status, institutional racism would have been the likely result. Administrators and teachers would not have worked to give the student body the best education possible, and Gainesville could've become yet another failing school. This is what makes prejudice such a threat.

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Understanding What Racial Prejudice Really Is

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Words such as racism, prejudice and stereotype are often used interchangeably. While the definitions of these terms overlap, they actually mean different things. Racial prejudice, for instance, typically arises from race-based stereotypes. People of influence who prejudge others set the stage for institutional racism to occur. How does this happen?

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This article can be related to Scout's reaction from being made fun of for Atticus taking the court case. This affects Part 1 because it further confirms the type of person Scout is.

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"What would happen to your personality," wrote Gordon Allport in 1954, "if you heard it said over and over again that you are lazy and had inferior blood?" Such is the nature of prejudice-a series of small, and sometimes large, insults that accumulate and take a toll on the body and soul. When we are targets of prejudice, how can we work through these experiences in a healthy way, without letting the experience overwhelm us?

In a frank moment last week with my students, I shared that studying prejudice and stigma through the lens of psychology gives me a distance that I need to be able to think about the topic. Otherwise it's just too hot, too visceral-I can't even watch movies like Crash without feeling its effects for days.

© Marco Malavasi

Of course, these types of experiences are the motivation to address the problem in the first place, but the scientific perspective lets me analyze the problem as one of human nature. It helps me see perpetrators of prejudice as not necessarily evil or targets of prejudice as not necessarily victims. It becomes a problem that is not just about me.

I've shared this sentiment with others in the past, and I don't always get a positive reaction. You're sanitizing the experience, I've heard, you need to feel your way through the experience. This point of view echoes a very popular belief that to grow from trauma or pain, we need to work through our emotions by re-living them.

But recent research suggests that wading back into highly emotional territory without the opportunity to get some analytical distance from it can backfire. In particular, recent research on "self-distancing" by Ozlem Ayduk, a professor of psychology here at UC Berkeley, reveals that the right way to gain such analytical distance may hinge, quite simply, on the pronouns one chooses to describe the experience.

In their research, Ayduk (who, I should disclose, is my wife) and her colleague Ethan Kross contrast two alternative ways of working through highly emotional experiences. A self-immersed perspective is one in which we try to remember the experience at the same time that we try to analyze it-for example, when we say to ourselves, "Why did that prejudiced comment get to me so much?" By contrast, a self-distanced perspective analyzes the same experience as if you yourself were a third-party observer, a kind of fly on the wall: "Why did that prejudiced comment get to him so much?"

In both cases, you are trying to understand the emotions. But when you do this in the first person, the power of the emotion can overwhelm understanding it.

Kross and Ayduk characterize someone recalling an experience from a self-immersed perspective: "Adrenaline infused. ... Betrayed. Angry. Victimized. Hurt. Shamed. Stepped-on." What's remarkable about this recounting is just how raw and vivid the experience still is-a perfect description of how, when we try to understand at the same time that we feel, our emotions take over.

By contrast, here are the sentiments of someone recalling an experience from a self-distanced perspective: "I was able to see the argument more clearly. ... I initially empathized better with myself but then I began to understand how my friend felt. It may have been irrational but I understand his motivation." As this example shows, a self-distanced perspective can shift the balance between emotion and understanding just enough to enable us to understand the context, the background, and perhaps even the other people involved. And this can open the door toward resolving the experience.

It seems amazing that a small change in the way one analyzes a painful experience (using s/he as opposed to I) can lead to dramatic results, but the research on this is solid and clear. In one study, people who were prompted to recall a negative experience from a self-distanced perspective ( why did s/he feel this way?) in the lab felt less distressed about the experience one week later compared to those who recalled a similarly negative experience from a self-immersed perspective ( why did I feel this way?). In other studies, people who spontaneously self-distance have been shown to ruminate less about negative experiences and are less likely to be be hostile when disagreements come up.

So, when trying to work through negative, painful experiences, it is possible to grow, but we have to know how to talk to ourselves when doing so. A relatively straightforward shift away from self-immersion towards self-distancing seems to help-particularly in cases, including but not limited to experiences with discrimination, where emotions have the power to overwhelm us.

Greater Good wants to know: Do you think this article will influence your opinions or behavior?

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"What would happen to your personality," wrote Gordon Allport in 1954, "if you heard it said over and over again that you are lazy and had inferior blood?" Such is the nature of prejudice-a series of small, and sometimes large, insults that accumulate and take a toll on the body and soul.

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This article  shows how people developed prejudice but in that time period its seen a lot. In To Kill A Mockingbird Aunt Alexandra has prejudice against Calpurnia and doesn't approve of her role.

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What Is Prejudice?

Prejudice is an often negative preconception or attitude toward members of a group. It can have a strong influence on how people behave and interact with others-particularly with those who are different in some regard-even if on an unconscious level.

Common features of prejudice include having negative feelings and holding stereotyped beliefs about members of the group, as well as a tendency to discriminate against them. In society, we often see prejudices based on characteristics like race, sex, religion, culture, and more.

When people hold prejudicial attitudes toward others, they tend to view everyone with the defining characteristic as being "all the same." They paint every individual who holds specific characteristics or beliefs with a very broad brush and fail to look at each person as a unique individual.

Prejudice vs. Discrimination

Types of Prejudice

There are numerous types of prejudice, some of which include:

Ageism, such as believing that someone is "too old" or "too young" to work in a particular role or participate in a specific activity

Classism, which may include having a negative belief about someone based on their income or looking down on someone because they are "poor" or a member of the working class

Homophobia, often defined as feeling a sense of discomfort, fear, distrust, or hatred for people who are members of the LGBTQ+ community and do not identify as heterosexual

Nationalism, which involves believing that the interests of your state's group are more important than those of other groups

Racism, which involves having a negative attitude toward members of a certain racial or ethnic group rooted in systems of power and oppression

Religious prejudice, which involves feeling negatively toward someone because of their religious beliefs, practices, or ideologies

Sexism, which involves holding certain stereotypes or beliefs about someone based on their sex or gender, such as feeling as if they can't (or can) do something based on this factor

Xenophobia, which involves disliking or fearing someone who the person considers "foreign" or "strange," often in the context of their native country

Causes of Prejudice

How is it that we can become prejudiced? There are a few potential causes to consider.

Stereotypes

In many cases, prejudices are based on stereotypes (and stereotypes are based on prejudices). A stereotype is a simplified assumption about a group based on prior experiences or beliefs.

A gender stereotype might be that only little girls can wear dresses or only little boys can play with trucks. Examples of racial stereotypes include "Black people are good at basketball," "White people can't dance," or "Asians are good at math."

According to an article in Current Directions in Psychological Science, prejudice comes from people who aren't comfortable with ambiguity being prone to make generalizations about others. These generalizations reduce the ambiguity while also allowing for quicker, often harmful decisions.

Categorizing

We are inundated with too much information to sort through all of it in a logical, methodical, and rational fashion. So, we often depend upon our ability to place people, ideas, and objects into different categories in order to make the world simpler and easier to understand.

Psychologist Gordon Allport believed that to make sense of the world around us, it's important to sort information into mental categories. "The human mind must think with the aid of categories," Allport explained in his book, "The Nature of Prejudice." "Once formed, categories are the basis for normal prejudgment. We cannot possibly avoid this process. Orderly living depends upon it."

Being able to quickly categorize information allows us to interact and react quickly, but it also leads to mistakes. For example, we tend to minimize the differences among people within certain groups and exaggerate the differences between groups. This is referred to as social categorization.

Prejudgments

In one classic experiment, participants were asked to judge the height of people shown in photographs. They were told that for every woman of a particular height, there was a man of the same height. Therefore, they were not to rely on the person's sex to determine the height.

Despite being offered a $50 cash prize for whoever made the most accurate judgments, participants consistently rated the men as being a few inches taller than the women. Because of their prejudgment that men are taller, the participants were unable to dismiss their existing categorical beliefs and judge the heights accurately.

Outgroup Homogeneity Bias

People tend to view members of outside groups as being more homogenous than members of their own group. This phenomenon is referred to as the outgroup homogeneity bias.

This perception that all members of an outgroup are alike holds whether the group is based on race, nationality, religion, age, or another group affiliation.

Historical Events

Sometimes prejudice develops in response to historical events. An example of this is holding negative beliefs against all Muslims as a result of the attacks that took place on September 11, 2001. This is known as Islamaphobia and still impacts Muslim Americans today.

Family, Friends, and Social Groups

A 2018 study involving children between the ages of 3 and 9 found that if the parents held even a subtle ethnic prejudice, this predicted whether their kids held an implicit prejudice, regardless of parenting style. This suggests that the beliefs of parental figures can influence if a prejudice develops.

Another 2018 study found similar results, but with friends versus family. This one involved 1,009 teens who were either 13 or 16 years of age and found that the attitude of their peers affected the participants' level of individual prejudice.

Impact of Prejudice

When prejudice exists, it can affect people and societies in many different ways.

Poorer Health

Studies have connected the presence of prejudice with poorer physical health, both directly and indirectly. Examples of direct impacts are living in an unhealthy environment and limited access to health resources as a result of prejudice. Indirect impacts include prejudice-related stress and altered health behaviors.

Other pieces of research have linked perceived prejudice with reduced mental health, both in terms of ethnic identity and even feelings of hope. Being part of a group that experiences real or perceived prejudices can impact health both physically and mentally.

Increased Discrimination

Stereotypes not only lead to faulty beliefs, but they can also result in discrimination. They can impact the ability of the person being discriminated against when trying to get a job, secure housing, and more. It may even result in violence.

Studies indicate that discrimination can also negatively impact health. This is because someone who is discriminated against may have poorer living conditions, a lack of access to quality healthcare, and increased stress levels.

Research has even found that discrimination can affect the health of the person's partner, increasing their risk of depression and putting greater strain on the relationship.

Reduced Multiculturalism and Segregation

We live in a world where people can often move around fairly freely. According to one study, the level that people identify with their native country impacts their level of prejudice against people wishing to immigrate to their country.

If there is a high level of prejudice against a certain immigrant group, immigration policy is likely to reflect those prejudices potentially making it harder for members of that group to immigrate. Prejudice and discrimination can also lead to segregation.

How to Reduce Prejudice

In addition to looking at the reasons why prejudice occurs, researchers have also explored different ways that it can be reduced or even eliminated. Training people to have more empathy for members of other groups is one method that has shown considerable success.

Other techniques that can be used to reduce prejudice include:

Gaining public support and awareness for anti-prejudice social norms

Increasing contact with members of other social groups

Making people aware of the inconsistencies in their own beliefs

Passing laws and regulations that require fair and equal treatment for all people

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The Psychology Behind People's Prejudices

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Prejudice is an often negative preconception or attitude toward members of a group. It can have a strong influence on how people behave and interact with others-particularly with those who are different in some regard-even if on an unconscious level.

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This video introduces and describes the study of morality that is very important to Calpurnia. This affects Part 1 because it sets Calpurnia's persona in the book.

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The Study of Morality

Be healthy. That's a good rule to follow. But how do I know whether or not I'm being healthy? Well, I can talk to a physician, I can research healthy behaviors and lifestyle choices, or maybe I can observe the actions of healthy people. So, now I'm healthier, but not every important decision is as straightforward as being healthy. Try this one: be good. That's a bit harder. What is good? What is bad? This topic is much more controversial than health but just as important, so people put a lot of effort into defining good and bad, right and wrong. A system of inherent right and wrong is called morality. There are dozens of moral systems used around the world, so how do we sort them all out? Luckily, there are a few basic approaches to studying morality to get us going.

Descriptive vs Normative Ethics

So, you want to study morality. One of the best places to start getting a grasp on different theories of right and wrong is with the distinction between normative ethics and descriptive ethics. Normative ethics is the study of how people ought to act. Now, I know that sounds obvious; isn't that what all philosophers study? No. Normative ethics does not, for example, examine the ways that people actually act, or why people believe in certain moral principles. A study of normative ethics simply holds that some things are right and some things are wrong. So, when studying normative ethics, you'll be asking questions like 'What actions are morally good, and what actions are bad?', 'When, if ever, do people deserve rewards or punishments?' and most importantly, 'How should someone morally act in a certain scenario?' Obviously, there are many ways to answer each of these, so there are many types of normative ethics. But defining what exactly you're studying is helpful.

The opposite of normative ethics is descriptive ethics, or the study of why people behave in certain ways, what their moral beliefs are, and how they developed these beliefs. In short, in descriptive ethics you are not making moral judgments, and you're not claiming that people should act a certain way; you are simply observing how they act. Basically, descriptive ethics is all about describing. This is a much more scientific branch of ethics, using tools from psychology, communication, anthropology, sociology and even human anatomy and biology. So, descriptive ethics asks questions like 'What does this group believe about morality?', 'How does that influence their behavior?' or 'Why do different people have different moral beliefs?' While normative ethics often holds that some morals are universally objectively true, descriptive ethics observes that there are too many different moral systems for there to be a single universal morality.

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approaches to the study of morality - video & lesson transcript | study.com

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Approaches to the Study of Morality - Video & Lesson Transcript | Study.com

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Be healthy. That's a good rule to follow. But how do I know whether or not I'm being healthy? Well, I can talk to a physician, I can research healthy behaviors and lifestyle choices, or maybe I can observe the actions of healthy people.

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This article explains Calpurnia’s reasons for teaching Scout morals. This affects Part 1 because it shapes who Scout becomes and how she treats others.

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In asking what purpose morality serves, I am not asking the question that is familiar to anyone who has ever taken a philosophy course, namely, "Why should I be moral?" That question raises an entirely different set of issues than the ones I want to discuss. Among other things, the question "Why should I be moral?" is posed against the background of accepted moral institutions and practices. Instead, I am asking: Why have moral institutions and practices? What is their point?

I am motivated to ask this question in part because of some dissatisfaction with humanist ethics as I often see it practiced. There have been innumerable articles, manifestos, and pamphlets that set forth some set of humanist values and principles that we are supposed to embrace. I don't necessarily have a problem with the content of these lists of values and principles, but I am concerned that usually there is no explanation why a humanist or anyone else should adopt these values and principles. In other words, there's little attempt to provide a method for approaching ethical issues. Sure, there is often a reference to using our reason, but although use of our reasoning powers is a good thing, by itself it doesn't get you very far. If we are to be serious about developing a humanist morality, it seems to me that it is incumbent upon us to explain why we believe people should adhere to the values and principles that we advocate.

I am not proposing that we aim to develop a decision procedure that will generate the one right answer to all our ethical issues. Such a dreamy goal cannot be achieved, in part because there are a considerable number of ethical disputes to which there may not be one right answer. But we can develop a process of analysis and reflection that will provide some moral guidance by limiting the range of ethically acceptable answers - which by itself would be a significant achievement.

One important element of our methodology should be a specification of the objectives of morality. If we can reach consensus on what morality is for , then it becomes a bit easier to resolve ethical dilemmas. One can critically examine a proposed course of action by considering whether it would further the objectives of morality.

But how do we determine the objectives of morality? Well, a start would be to consider how morality has functioned in human societies. Note, I am not making an unwarranted leap from "is" to "ought." I am merely recommending that a beginning point in determining what we should aim to do with our moral institutions is an understanding of what we have done with them in the past.

Naturally, no one was holding a philosophy seminar in the Neolithic Era, inviting members of the tribe to consider what moral rules the tribe should adopt. Human dispositions to behave in certain ways developed and evolved without any explicit consideration of the desirability or purpose of having certain dispositions. But the fact that our moral norms were not consciously designed does not prevent us from considering their function.

Simplifying greatly, it seems to me that morality helps to provide security to members of the community, create stability, ameliorate harmful conditions, foster trust, and facilitate cooperation in achieving shared or complementary goals. In short, it enables us to live together and, while doing so, improve the conditions under which we live.

Of course, moral institutions do not always achieve these objectives. Also, moral institutions can be used and have been used to oppress certain groups - usually by excluding them from the scope of the moral community. (As Peter Singer and others have observed, the most momentous changes in moral practice have not come in the content of our moral norms - lying was condemned in ancient Mesopotamia just as it is condemned today - but in the scope of the groups to which our moral norms have been applied.) Nonetheless, I believe my rough description of the objectives of morality as it has been practiced historically is more or less correct.

But even if these have been the objectives of morality, should these be the objectives of morality? Should we try to develop dispositions that would enable us to use moral institutions and practices for other purposes? Well - what other purposes could morality have? To serve God? To maximize happiness? To increase the production of cheese? (Remember the injunction from The Life of Brian - Blessed are the cheesemakers.) These are all theoretical possibilities, but there are serious problems with all these proposed objectives which will be both familiar and obvious to many of you. It doesn't seem to me that we can improve much on the objectives of morality as I have described them, at least given the circumstances in which we live. (As Hume noted, if humans were invulnerable and entirely self-sufficient, our notions of justice would be radically different.)

Furthermore, it seems to me that the objectives of morality as I have described them provide goals that are achievable for groups of humans with a wide range of emotional and cognitive capacities. This is not an unimportant consideration. Moral norms achieve their ends in part by their ability to be inculcated in almost all humans. We can grasp the importance of fostering trust and cooperation and we can drill into our children's heads rules such as "don't lie" that bear obvious connections to these objectives. An objective as ill-defined and vague as "happiness" does not readily lend itself to translation into specific moral norms.

I have done nothing more than scratch the surface on just one of several problems we have to tackle if we are to develop a method for addressing ethical issues. (This is a blog post after all, not a dissertation.) But my intent was not to provide in 1000 words a comprehensive model of ethical justification. My primary intent was to remind humanists that it is not sufficient to "affirm" certain principles and values. We need to be able to explain why we affirm these principles and values. And, as part of that explanation, we should be prepared to say something about our understanding of the purpose of morality.

Ronald A. Lindsay

Ron Lindsay is senior research fellow at the Center for Inquiry, having previously served as president and CEO from 2008 to 2016. Prior to joining CFI, he was in private legal practice in Washington, D.C. for twenty-six years. He received his Ph.D. in philosophy from Georgetown University and his J.D. from the University of Virginia School of Law. Among other works, he is the author of Future Bioethics: Overcoming Taboos, Myths, and Dogmas (Prometheus 2008), the entry on "Euthanasia" for the International Encyclopedia of Ethics (Wiley Blackwell 2013), and The Necessity of Secularism: Why God Can't Tell Us What To Do (Pitchstone Publishing 2014).

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What Is the Purpose of Morality? | Center for Inquiry

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In asking what purpose morality serves, I am not asking the question that is familiar to anyone who has ever taken a philosophy course, namely, "Why should I be moral?" That question raises an entirely different set of issues than the ones I want to discuss.

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This picture shows the process Jem went through when Mrs. Dubose died. This affects Part 1 because it shows how much Jem has grown from the beginning of the story to the end of Part 1.

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Jem matured after reading to Mrs. Dubose while she was sick. This affects Part 1 because it shows Jem's growth from the beginning of the story.

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This article explains how Jem felt when Mrs. Dubose died. This affects Part 1 because it shows Jem's feelings and helped the readers learn more about his character.

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Dear Friends of the Foundation,

What the heart knows today, the head will understand tomorrow.
James Stephens

Irish author and poet.

Everyone wants to be understood. It's a common human desire, and a gift we can give one another. How do we give this gift? Truly listening, asking what someone would like rather than thinking we know what they need, and communicating our own needs clearly to those we love are a few of the ways to begin to understand and to be understood. Also, it is sometimes helpful to gain knowledge of the cause of some of the behaviors that create stress. It is much easier to respond to angry, contrary behavior if we know what some of the causes are.

Anger is the cause of the most troubling behavior - either our own or others'. Sometimes angry responses are a mystery to us: Where did that come from? What did I do to deserve that response? It helps to know that the root of most angry behavior is hurt or fear. If we get to the cause of the anger and admit it (being hurt or afraid), we have a chance to understand ourselves, to deal directly with the root cause, and apologize if we want to.

When trying to understand our own angry reaction to something or someone, we might ask ourselves,"What is there about this that has hurt me or made me afraid?" Many times the answer will be that there has been some implied threat to one of our basic needs: Food, shelter, love, identity, social affiliation, or security.

"What is there about this that has hurt me or made me afraid?"

When someone we love has died, how many of our basic human needs are threatened? Think about it. Isthere any wonder that grieving people are almost always angry at some point in time. Added to the grief caused by the death of a loved one, many times there are other changes that follow closely behind the death: Moving to a different place, change in the way our friends and family relate to us, change in financial status, change in social status (no longer part of a couple - now a single; the feeling of being an orphan).

Anger during grief can often be displaced and/or expressed in puzzling ways to others around us. We maybe angry with the loved one who died and left us behind, we might be angry with God for taking our loved one from us, we could be angry with the disease that brought about the death. It may be easier to express anger to someone nearby than to try to figure out just whom or what we are really angry with; so the ones who get the blast of our anger are usually our nearest and dearest - those we would not want to hurt at all.

Ifit is normal to vent our anger to those nearest to us, how do we prevent doing it? Just being aware of the phenomenon is a start. Then being willing to examine our hearts for the cause of our hurt and fear comes next; and because this is not easy and can be painful, it is a good idea to talk to someone we trust aboutthis aspect of our grief. A pastor or rabbi or priest, a counselor, or a good friend who is not judgmental might be a good choice. We usually know who is comfortable to be with and talk to.

We may be angry with the loved one who died and left us behind.

When itis obvious we have caused pain and injured a relationship, an apology might be in order; and depending on the person, an explanation of why we were behaving with anger toward them could be healing.

Whenthe shoe is on the other foot, and someone is giving us angry responses, it might help for us to stepback and ponder whether the person is hurt or scared; then think about why. If we are able to manage our own need to make an angry reply, and simply ask, "What did I do to deserve that?" the angry-acting person may be challenged to step back, also, and give us an honest reply, "I don't know." At least you are giving them a chance to think about it. This is helpful to almost everyone.

Whenwe are involved with someone who is grieving, we might expect to be exposed to some anger. If the anger seems uncontrollable, and we do not feel we can ask for an explanation at that moment, our best option is to not take it personally. Just this much understanding will help us relate better to someone who is hurting. Later, when the time feels right, we might ask about their angry response to us, giving them a chance to explain.

Knowledge helps keep our expectations in line with reality and opens the door for understanding.

Knowing the connection between anger and grief is of benefit to the one who is grieving and to those who are in a relationship with the grieving person. Knowledge helps keep our expectations in line with reality and opens the door for understanding.

Our wish for you is that you will find ways to keep hope alive and that you will find understanding people in your path.

Sincerely,
Your friends at Crossroads Hospice Charitable Foundation

For a smile: Speaking of understanding, here is an example of advertising gone wrong: When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that, when pronounced, sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used actually meant, "Bite the wax tadpole."

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Understanding: Knowing the Connection Between Anger and Grief

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Dear Friends of the Foundation, What the heart knows today, the head will understand tomorrow. James Stephens Irish author and poet. Everyone wants to be understood. It's a common human desire, and a gift we can give one another. How do we give this gift?

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Scout matures after Atticus takes the case and people begin to make comments. This event in part 1 allows Scout to learn how to control her temper.

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You may have noticed a paradox that exists among students today. Although there are exceptions to the rule, this generation of kids is advanced intellectually, but behind emotionally. They are missing many of the marks of maturity they should possess.

From an intellectual perspective, students today have been exposed to so much more than I was growing up-and far sooner, too. They've consumed information on everything from cyberspace to sexual techniques before they graduate from middle school. Everything is coming at them sooner.

Sociology professor Tony Campolo said, "I am convinced we don't live in a generation of bad kids. We live in a generation of kids who know too much too soon."

On the other hand, students have been stunted in their emotional maturity. They seem to require more time to actually "grow up" and prepare for the responsibility that comes with adulthood. This is a result of many factors, not the least of which is well-intentioned parents who hover over their kids not allowing them to experience the pain of maturation. It's like the child who tries to help the new butterfly break out of the cocoon, and realizes later that they have done a disservice to that butterfly. The butterfly is not strong enough to fly once it is free.

There is another reason, however, that teens struggle with maturation. Scientists are gaining new insights into remarkable changes in teenagers' brains that may explain why the teen years are so hard on young people and their parents. From ages 11-14, kids lose some of the connections between cells in the part of their brain that enables them to think clearly and make good decisions.
Pruning the Brain
What happens is that the brain is pruning itself-going through changes that will allow a young person to move into adult life effectively. "Ineffective or weak brain connections are pruned in much the same way a gardener would prune a tree or bush, giving the plant a desired shape," says Alison Gopnik, Professor of Child Development at UC Berkley.

Adolescents who are experiencing these brain changes can react emotionally, according to Ian Campbell, a neurologist at the U.C. Davis Sleep Research Laboratory. Mood swings, uncooperative and irresponsible attitudes can all be the result of these changes occurring. Sometimes, students can't explain why they feel the way they do. Their brain is changing from a child brain to an adult brain.

Regions that specialize in language, for example, grow rapidly until about age 13 and then stop. The frontal lobes of the brain which are responsible for high level reasoning and decision making aren't fully mature until the early 20s, according to Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, a neuroscientist at Harvard's Brain Imaging Center. There's a portion of time when the child part of the brain has been pruned, but the adult portion is not fully formed. They are "in-between." They are informed but not prepared.
The bottom line?
Students today are consuming information they aren't completely ready to handle. The adult part of their brain is still forming and isn't ready to apply all that our society throws at it. Their mind takes it in and files it, but their will and emotions are not prepared to act on it in a healthy way. They can become paralyzed by all the content they consume.

They want so much to be able to experience the world they've seen on websites or heard on podcasts, but don't realize they are unprepared for that experience emotionally. They are truly in between a child and an adult. (This is the genius behind movie ratings and viewer discretion advisories on TV). I believe a healthy, mature student is one who has developed intellectually, volitionally, emotionally and spiritually. I also believe there are marks we can look for, as we coach them into maturity.
Signs to Look For
So what are the marks of maturity? We all love it when we see a young person who carries themselves well and shows signs of being mature. They interact with adults in an adult manner. Those kinds of students are downright refreshing. Let me give you a list of what I consider to be the marks of maturity. At Growing Leaders we seek to build these marks in young people, ages 16-24 as we partner with schools. This certainly isn't an exhaustive list, but it is a list of characteristics I notice in young people who are unusually mature, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. If you are a parent-this is a good list of qualities to begin developing in your child. If you are a coach, or a teacher or a dean, these are the signs we wish every student possessed when they graduate. For that matter, these are signs I wish every adult modeled for the generation coming behind them.
1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.
One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don't feel like it.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.
As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.
Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren't consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.
4. A mature person's decisions are based on character not feelings.
Mature people-students or adults-live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life's options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently.
I have found the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world's population.
6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves.
A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting.
Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don't presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They're not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.

In my latest book, Artifical Maturity, I offer practical solutions for parents to instill the marks of maturity in their kids. Susan Peters once said, "Children have a much better chance of growing up if their parents have done so first." Here's to modeling and developing authentic maturity in your kids.
Based on this list, are you displaying the marks of maturity? How about your kids?

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You may have noticed a paradox that exists among students today. Although there are exceptions to the rule, this generation of kids is advanced intellectually, but behind emotionally. They are missing many of the marks of maturity they should possess.

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This video explains the empathy Atticus felt when he took Toms case. This affects Part 1 because it causes Scout and Jem to become more empathetic.

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Empathy

Empathy is defined as having the ability to share in the way a person feels. When someone feels empathy toward another human being they are, in effect, letting them know that they have walked in their shoes. In To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus Finch is held up as the hallmark of what it means to have empathy and, as a parent, he makes it his goal to instill that same feeling in his children, Scout and Jem.

Fine Upstanding Gentleman

Atticus Finch is known around town as an honest, kind, and dedicated lawyer. He is considerate of others' feelings, and his sense of morality is strong and all-encompassing. Atticus is able and willing to put himself in the shoes of others, and he goes out of his way to ensure that their feelings are spared when times get tough. We see a wonderful example of his inordinate kindness and empathy in his dealing with Mr. Cunningham, a poor client who could not afford to pay his bills in the traditional way. He would leave goods on the porch as payment for the work Atticus had done: 'a load of stove wood in the back yard. Later a sack of hickory nuts appeared on the back steps.'

Atticus, being the gentleman he was, never acknowledged the payments from Mr. Cunningham. He knew that a conversation would only serve to embarrass him and emphasize the fact that he was poor and couldn't pay. Atticus tried to instill this understanding in Scout, when she mistakenly insisted that Atticus speak to Mr. Cunningham on the porch when he was trying to leave his payment. Atticus gently lets Scout know that in the future it is better to let him leave his payments anonymously.

There is no denying Atticus' sense of empathy when he chooses to defend Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a white woman. Even though his decision will cause him and his family grief, Atticus cannot refuse helping this man who needs his abilities so badly. He explains the situation to Scout: 'if I didn't I couldn't hold my head up in town.' Later Atticus tells his brother that if he doesn't take the case of defending Tom he wouldn't be able to face Scout and Jem.

Because Atticus has such a good heart and a strong conscious, he extends his ability to walk in the shoes of others to Bob Ewell, the father of Mayella Ewell, the woman who accused Tom Robinson. Atticus understands the anger and shame that lives inside Ewell. He knows that it stems from shame and embarrassment. When Bob Ewell tries to shame him by spitting on him, Atticus doesn't get angry. He tells Jem, 'I destroyed his last shred of credibility... So, if spitting in my face and threatening me saved Mayella Ewell one beating, that's something I'll gladly take.' Atticus works tirelessly as a parent to help his children learn lessons of humility, kindness, and empathy, and he is successful in his task.

Apple Doesn't Fall Far: Scout

In the beginning of the novel, we see that Scout has much to learn about empathy. She has little tolerance for people and she takes great pleasure in making fun of others. She makes fun of Walter Cunningham, who is poor. She invited Walter to lunch, and when his manners are horrid, she can't hold her tongue. She ridicules him, and Calpurnia, the Finches' housekeeper, has something to say about it: 'Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house's yo' company, and don't you let me catch you remarkin' on their ways like you was so high and mighty!'

We see Calpurnia and Atticus striving to help Scout develop the traits that will set her on the right path. They encourage her to try to understand other people, rather than make fun of them. Atticus tells her that in order to truly understand another human being you must, 'climb into his skin and walk around in it.'

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empathy in to kill a mockingbird: examples & quotes - video & lesson transcript | study.com

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Empathy in To Kill a Mockingbird: Examples & Quotes - Video & Lesson Transcript | Study.com

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Empathy is defined as having the ability to share in the way a person feels. When someone feels empathy toward another human being they are, in effect, letting them know that they have walked in their shoes.

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This picture rephrases how Atticus explained to Scout how to have more empathy. This affects Part 1 because it changes how Scout treats other people for the rest of the book.

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Boo suffered from a loss of his childhood after being isolated by his parents. He was shut in his home and the isolation caused him to become "crazy". This affects part 1 because Boo being shut in interests Jem and Scout and when Dill comes for the summer they try to get him out.

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Isolation is a form of emotional abuse that can be tricky to put a finger on but still influences our adult life. Sometimes it was obvious, like threatening violence if we didn't come right home after school or forbidding us from having anyone over or from going to other people's houses. Sometimes, though, it was more subtle, like monitoring phone calls, constantly criticizing people outside the family, or ignoring our requests to go to summer camp or the local pool when they had the finances to do so. Such isolation causes more than just loneliness. It can really make it difficult for us to relate to other human beings in a healthy way later on in life.

Reasons for Isolation

Isolation behavior on the part of emotionally abusive parents begins with mistrust. They're suspicious of most people outside the family, sometimes assigning strange motives for their behaviors or suspecting some hidden agenda. They may, for instance, tell their kids that someone is racist and therefore dangerous when that person has never demonstrated any kind of prejudice. These abusers likely believe they're being good parents by protecting their children from anticipated harm. Their assumptions, though, have more to do with their own hostility towards others than with reasonable safety precautions.

A slightly different, but related, motivation for isolating children is a fear of having their kids influenced by others. Isolation is an effective way for emotionally abusive parents to control their children's environment, which makes it easier to control their beliefs and behaviors. Exposure to people with other worldviews could encourage them to think differently and eventually rebel against the worldview that the family rules are based on. All of this threatens the fragile family structure.

Jealousy is also a motive for isolating a child from others. Emotionally abusive parents who have dependency issues may resent the idea that anyone else should give their kids what they need or make them happy. They may also fear that other adults will break through the all-knowing, almighty image that they've set up for themselves and do things better than them. Some of us, for instance, have heard our abusive parents challenge us every time we spoke of something one of our friends' parents did or said, as if we were comparing them to those parents when in reality we weren't.

Effects on Children from Isolation

Just as isolating parents often justify their behavior as being responsible, as children we may have convinced ourselves that our parents were doing it out of love. If this was accompanied by hostile behaviors like constant criticism, name-calling, and ridicule, we may even have clung to isolation behaviors as proof of our parents' love and concern for us. This, of course, distorts the motivations underlying all of the emotional abuse we had to go through, making other abusive behaviors somehow acceptable.

Isolating kids from their peers and those around them can also make them feel like they're misfits. They see other kids making friends and spending time away from the family, and they may not understand why it has to be different for them. They may convince themselves that they're "special" and somehow "above" other kids around them as a way to explain what they intuitively know are odd rules.

Closing kids off from contact with other kids who live differently reinforces the assumption that abusive behaviors are "normal." These kids can't help but assume that the pain they endure goes on in every family, so the justifications emotionally abusive parents give for their behavior must be true. Imagine how enlightening it would be for a child to witness a non-abusive parent comfort and encourage a teammate after he bombed in a soccer game instead of criticize him and make him feel bad, the way his emotionally abusive parents would.

Eventually, isolated kids may end up believing in a hostile world that they feel vulnerable in, which may keep them tied to their parents when they should be exploring their independence. They may also develop difficulties in relating to others in an authentic way because they're always suspicious of other people's motives or scared that they'll be "exposed" as not worth knowing. In some cases, they may end up feeling completely overwhelmed and go right back to our isolation.

In extreme cases, isolation in childhood can lead to social anxiety. According to the Social Anxiety Institute,

[s]ocial anxiety is the fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.

Given that emotionally abusive parents are often judgmental, these judgments reinforce their efforts at isolating their children. These kids then have trouble thriving as young adults. They can't build a social network to help them deal with the many changes that happen during those years or explore their identity as kids should in their teen years.

Isolation of Adult Abuse Survivors

The isolating behaviors of our childhood can still go on, in a different form, in adulthood. Although our abusers can't physically isolate us anymore, they can replace that with a psychological form of isolation by putting other people in our lives down or instilling discomfort, if not downright suspicion, in our minds about someone.

This becomes a real problem when it involves our partner, as it so often does. Emotionally abusive parents often feel threatened by "intruders" into the family. A partner may be thought of as such by virtue of coming from outside of the family. Abusive parents may assign ulterior motives to what your partner does from the beginning. For example, if your partner tends to watch the budget more closely than you do, an abusive parent may try to convince you that they're miserly and will limit you with money even more if you get married. And emotionally abusive parents rarely stop at just one mention of this kind of thing. They nag and nag about it multiple times, hoping to wear you down with their "concern."

Another weird dynamic that can happen regarding abusers' attempts at psychological isolation is the "love you at first, hate you later" game. Upon first meeting someone, whether it's a partner or a friend or someone else important in your life, abusive parents see in them a world of possibility for getting them on their side. Note that this isn't always conscious. It's the way many emotional abusers think. They see characteristics in the person that they sense they could use to their advantage. When, however, they learn that the person truly has your interests at heart and supports you against them, the isolation games start.

This kind of thing can get very destructive when your abusers convince you that their weird ideas about the other person are right, and you may even destroy potentially healthy and supportive relationships. Emotional abuse survivors have broken engagements for potentially healthy marriages because of the persistent story-telling from their abusers. It's easy for others to judge us in such situations, writing us off as weak-willed, but it's more complex than that. We're accustomed to not trusting outsiders. Our abusive parents fan the flames of our fears. Although it's true that it's ultimately our fears that lead us to destroy potentially healthy relationships, many of us could have worked through those fears if it weren't for the persistent psychological isolation from our abusers.

Isolation cultivated in childhood can become a way of life in adulthood. Some of us may continue the pattern because it's safe. Others of us may gravitate towards partners and friends who essentially repeat the isolating behavior (which is not uncommon in domestic abuse relationships). Like all emotionally abusive behavior, it ultimately serves the emotional needs of the abuser. The abuse victim is left feeling lonely, confused, and oppressed.

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Isolation is a form of emotional abuse that can be tricky to put a finger on but still influences our adult life. Sometimes it was obvious, like threatening violence if we didn't come right home after school or forbidding us from having anyone over or from going to other people's houses.

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This article describes some of the methods Calpurnia uses to teach Scout morals. This affects Part 1 because Scout uses these morals all throughout the book and because of her teaching Scout these morals, readers see Calpurnia as the motherly figure.

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Teachers are responsible for teaching specified standards of academics. We have our course objectives, our teaching strategies, our standards, and our college and career readiness goals. We have our lessons and our curriculums, all outlining the specific academic criteria we are responsible for passing on to our students.

But morality, in addition to raw academics, plays an important role in society. It raises an important question, "Who is responsible for teaching morality?" Is it society's responsibility, including teachers, to pass on the virtues of civilized life to the next generation? Or is this strictly within parents' purview to oversee? Who gets to decide which morals get attention and which don't?

Some communities have their established character-building programs incorporated into their schools and community life. My community abides by Character Counts, an ethics initiative founded upon six virtues of character. Does your school have a moral education component that you incorporate into your teaching strategies?

If you were to hand someone $1 million, is that person now rich? Well, perhaps for the moment they are. But we all know the real determination of wealth is not how you get money, but what you do with it. Do they have the background and training to help them keep and grow that money, or will they squander it away within a year?

I think of education along the same lines. Education is valuable, but getting one is not the issue. What a student does with their education is what counts. Will they squander it away? Will they further invest in their learning? Will they apply their knowledge? Will they use it to make the world a brighter place or a darker one? Morality is in part responsible for helping students best apply their education for their own personal benefit and the benefit of their surrounding society.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said "Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education." When we consider what a complete education includes, Dr. King's words of advice help us understand that pure intelligence isn't enough. It's the content of one's character that helps to ultimately determine the choices and actions an individual will ultimately take. Dr. King also compared education without morals to a "Ship without a compass."

Multiple studies have linked the implementation of character education in schools to the improved academic performance of students. A 2003 study of 600 California schools states that character education "Reduced office referrals, improved attendance and test scores, increased skills for conflict resolution, lessening of risky behavior, and overall improved school climate and civility." Another 2005 study determined that the most commonly affected outcomes included positive impacts on socio-moral cognition, pro-social and behavioral attitudes, and problem-solving skills, among many other areas.

There's little doubt that including some kind of character or moral education in addition to strict academics positively influences students. The question then is not if we should include discussion and education of morality in schools, but how.

Linking Morality to Academics

There are a number of formal ethics and character programs available to assist schools and communities with the moral development of their youth. If you're interested in exploring programs to potentially implement in your organization, consider adopting Character Counts or another formally developed program that fits the desires of your community.

Rick Weissbourd posits in his Moral Teachers, Moral Students article that "Educators influence students' moral development not simply by being good role models ... but also by what they bring to their relationships with students day to day." Moral education can happen from formal school programs or, as Weissbourd recommends, from improved teacher training. But for the time being, however, think more directly about how you as a teacher can positively impact the moral development of your students on a day-to-day basis.

Teach Positive Behaviors. One of the first ways that you, as an educator, bring moral education into your classroom is by directly speaking about positive behaviors. Sometimes we assume that students know the correct, moral thing to do in any given moment. But do not allow this assumption to cause you to overlook the opportunity to make "Teachable moments" out of situations in your classroom. Openly share with students what the "right" thing to do is, and engage them in a discussion that challenges them to evaluate for themselves what seems the most appropriate course of action.

Be a Role Model. It's not just what you say; it's what you do that counts. As one of the few adults in the life of a child, it's important that you use your conduct to model for students what an ethical professional looks like. Make sure that you do the right thing and conduct yourself along the highest moral standards. Judge fairly, practice honesty and respect, share, demonstrate responsibility, and allow students to see how you embody these characteristics in and out of the classroom.

Connect It to Your Content. Sometimes learning certain content is straightforward learning. But look for those opportunities where aspects of your content raise the moral question or connect to character issues. Students enjoy being challenged to think critically about themselves, and connecting ethical discussions to your content both reinforces their content knowledge and their characters.

Talk with Parents. Your students are important to you, but you are not the sole adult interested in your students' moral development. Share your aspirations of your students' characters with parents, converse with parents about how students are doing academically and ethically, and always make sure you allow parents to remain in the driver's seat of their children's character development.

How Does Character Education Help Academics?

So what does this have to do with academics? After all, if you're responsible for make sure your students achieve up to the proscribed academic standards, then why waste valuable talking about character?

If you look at a list of elements covered by most character education programs - even informal ones driven by individual teachers - you'll notice a strong intersection between good characters and good students. Consider how improvements in each of these areas could resultantly produce a positive impact on a student's academic achievements.

Respect towards others

Personal responsibility

Conflict resolution

Better attendance

Patience

Kindness

Sharing

Self-restraint

Calm articulation

Community contributions

Fairness

Honesty

Compassion

When students are regularly exposed to discussion of these virtuous characteristics and encouraged to assume these qualities, it will result in fewer discipline referrals, improved attendance, better homework completion, decreases in bullying and exclusion, declines in conflicts between students and teachers, more mature understand of tasks, comfort and ownership in the classroom, and other positive elements that impact student learning.

Benjamin Franklin stated that " ... Nothing is of more importance for the public weal, than to form and train up youth in wisdom and virtue." As we equip our students with powerful educations, our participation in the development of their moral characters helps to ensure that they will participating in a more positive learning environment in their youth and preserve a mature community in their adulthood.
What do you think of the teacher's role in contributing to students' character education? How do you support this in your classroom? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below! Jordan Catapano is a high school English teacher in a Chicago suburb. In addition to being National Board Certificated and head of his school's Instructional Development Committee, he also has worked with the Illinois Association of Teachers of English and has experience as a school board member for a private school. You can follow him on Twitter at @BuffEnglish, or visit his website .

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Teaching Strategies: The Importance of Morality

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Teachers are responsible for teaching specified standards of academics. We have our course objectives, our teaching strategies , our standards, and our college and career readiness goals. We have our lessons and our curriculums, all outlining the specific academic criteria we are responsible for passing on to our students.

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This article shows how Scout and Jem are impacted by the loss of their mother. This affects Part 1 because having no mother gives Calpurnia the space to become the motherly figure.

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The death of a parent can send shock waves through your self-perception and reposition the mental space you occupy on the planet. The grief can be life changing. Think you're noticing a higher than usual number of people posting on Facebook about a parent passing recently? You're right. Studies show death rates spike near the holidays, with January taking the highest toll. We asked experts to share their insights and experiences, as well as advice on managing the pain, and how to emerge enlightened during this challenging time.
It's hard because... it's hard
"We tend to think of ourselves as 'children' until we lose our parents. It is only then that we are on the front line of mortality," said Debra J. Umberson, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of the book " Death of a Parent: Transition to a New Adult Identity." "This gives us a very different perspective on our own lifespans and where we fit in terms of generations."

David Kessler, founder of grief.com and co-author with Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross of the influential book " On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss," said many adults - regardless of age - struggle with feeling like an orphan after a parent dies. "I try to remind them that you still stay connected with that person even in death."
'An era gone by'
"Our parents are our first relationship... So when a parent dies, it is your anchor being taken away," Kessler said. Los Angeles resident Abbe Andersen took care of her mother, who had Alzheimer's, and when she died at 88, Andersen felt her point of life reference had died, too. "It's a lost feeling," she said. But it also allowed her to rethink and reshift personal priorities: "What's important are your connections... dear friends and family."
Rituals can help
"Having a place that reminds the child of the parent and going to that place to talk things through with the parent can be very comforting," Umberson said. Planting a tree, or assembling a special photo album or scrapbook can also help.
Grieving what never was
Some are perplexed to find themselves mourning a parent with whom they've had a bad relationship. "We believe we only grieve people we love but that actually isn't true," Kessler said. "My definition of grief is a reflection of a connection we have lost... Sometimes we have to grieve for what never was, for that ideal parent we never had."
For some, a new freedom
Jeanne Safer, author of "Death Benefits: How Losing a Parent Can Change an Adult's Life - for the Better " - the book cover is a birdcage with an open door - says that after a parent dies, many people feel more free to marry outside their religion or ethnicity, "people come out [as gay], people leave religion, people come to religion, people get divorces - all kinds of things - it's fascinating." And it's nothing to feel ashamed of.

Kessler pointed to an example of a client who was grieving his abusive father's death. But as time passed, the man felt a safety in the world he hadn't felt before. "We think a parent ideally will enrich us but some people do have parents that diminish them," Kessler said.
Take a psychological inventory
Safer advised taking some time to think about your parent's legacy, and your own: "Four questions to ask yourself about your parent's character are: ' What did I get from my parent that I want to keep? What do I regret not getting? What did I get that I want to discard? What did I need that my parent couldn't provide?' "

"What you didn't get but needed, go out and get from other people or yourself," Safer added.
The first two weeks... then a lifetime
When you lose your parent as an adult, there's often much to do, such as contacting relatives, planning the memorial and funeral and sorting through possessions. "The reality is you are swept up in the busy-ness and then in about three months to a year it really hits... And it's usually about that time where their support has moved on," Kessler said. Then family traditions change as first holidays and birthdays without them pass. "The second year is the year we realize they're never coming back, we're never seeing them again -- this is us now."
Reach out for support
"Time does not heal all wounds but the pain of loss does lessen with time. My main advice is to not expect yourself to quickly recover and to not feel there is anything abnormal about intense feelings of grief," Umberson said, adding that it can be comforting spending time with others who've gone through a similar loss, whether it's friends or strangers in a support group. "Seeking this kind of contact is a concrete thing people can do to help them move forward."

Kessler says sharing your grief online can also help. "Posting a photo of your mother on the anniversary of her death can connect you with friends and family who are also grieving. You can also find a closed Facebook group where people unite on the type of grief they have," Kessler said. "We have a primal need for our grief to be witnessed. Our psyche doesn't want us to be an island of grief. We need each other and grief is a universal connector."
To read this article in Spanish, click here Health@latimes.com

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What the death of a parent can teach us, if we're willing to learn

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Death rates spike around the holiday. Which makes this a challenging time for adults who lose a parent. We asked experts to share their insights and experiences, as well as advice on managing the pain, and how to emerge enlightened.

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Scout learns what empathy is from Calpurnia when Walter was over for dinner. This affects Part 1 because Scout learns how to be more and more empathetic and by the end of the book, she understands empathy.

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The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. Contemporary researchers often diff…