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Marriage Advice - Expert Marriage Tips & Advice

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Living apart together has become more common than you probably even thought. If you take some time to survey, you may find couples who are married but living apart or those who are together but apart.

In this article, we will walk you through what this phenomenon means and how you can navigate these treacherous times. You will also discover the pros and cons of living apart together because as you know, almost everything in life comes with its upsides and downsides.

What is living apart together?

Living apart together is the term given to the situation in which couples who have an intimate relationship choose to live in different locations for a number of reasons.

has it that about one-third of the entire U.S adults who are not married or cohabiting are in some form of Living Apart Together relationships (LAT Relationships). What this implies is that there are more living apart together couples than you possibly imagined.

Furthermore, couples who are living apart together can choose to live close to themselves or far away from each other and just get to meet up at the times they predict.

Under these circumstances, they are in absolute control over their living apart together conditions and aren't compelled to make decisions based on a couple of factors that are beyond their control.

To some, being apart but together is their definition of love that waxes strong. To others, living apart while married is a complete no-no.

Why live together apart?

There are so many reasons why couples end up living apart after living together or choose to live at different locations from the start. As we have already hinted, here are some of them.

1. Some people just love their space

Being in a romantic relationship with someone else is not about making them trade their peace of mind for anything. They would rather choose the living apart together option and opt in to meet themselves at arranged schedules.

2. Others believe they don't have to live out of each other's pockets

Others don't think that the best and most effective way to show that they love someone is to pack up and move into the same house with the person. For these people, they would rather find other ways to express their love for a person than to live in the same house.

This is also absolutely fine, and if it works perfectly for you, then so be it.

3. Influence of family

Some people come from close-knit families, and they may have spent their entire lives living in the same house as their families. Even when they grow up and get into romantic relationships, they may find it challenging to get out of those houses they've lived in all their lives to start afresh with someone else.

On the flip side, they may just be from families that don't support the entire idea of living together when you aren't yet married.

4. Religious influences

In that case, these people would choose to wait to get married before moving in together. These said, let us quickly take a look at the both sides of this pendulum. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living apart together?

Pros of living apart together

Wondering what could be the living apart together benefits? Here are some of the benefits of being in a relationship but not living together.

1. You have independence

To make this work, you'd have to make a lot of compromises while they do the same as well. Some of the most challenging times come when both of you decide to live together, and you have to find common ground to meet on almost all matters.

When living apart together is your choice action, you'll end up saving yourself so much stress. For one, you wouldn't have to define the decor with someone else. You can choose how you want your space to look, what you want to bring in, if you prefer minimalism over everything else, etc.

The first and major advantage of living apart from your spouse is that you get to decide what you want and how you want it.

2. Living apart together helps you cherish the time you spend with your partner

One of the things you may have to deal with soon enough if you live with your spouse is the familiarity concept. When you know that they'd always be there when you wake up first thing in the morning, there's every possibility that you'll pay them little heed when they try to get your attention.

This can cause friction in the relationship as time passes. However, when you just get to see yourselves at intervals, you'll look forward to the time you'll spend together, and you'll also commit to mailing everything you can from those hours.

3. You have control over your schedule

If you are the person who lives to have their hands over your schedule; to determine what you do, when you do it, and how you do it, then living apart together might just be the perfect choice for you.

When you live alone, you can decide your schedule. First of all, there's no one in your immediate space that you have to think of. No family time. No immediate movie dates to worry about. Nothing that isn't you!

This gives you the space to determine your schedule to the best of your abilities. Also, this can positively impact your career if you are the type of person who places priority on your work.

4. Living apart together gives an opportunity to think for yourself

One of the things that can happen in relationships is that a time may come when you may need some space to think, process, and determine the direction in which your relationship is headed. Sometimes, making the hard decisions is impossible if you are living out of each other's pockets.

When you are living apart together, you can process information concerning the relationship in a clearer headspace.

In addition, not seeing your spouse every other second can actually contribute to making the relationship stronger as you may end up desiring those times you get to hang out and spend quality time with yourselves.

5. Living apart together can come in handy in breaking societal stereotypes

Many of these norms empower the men to chase their dreams while the women stay at home to create a conducive space for the man to thrive while keeping their ambitions in the back seat forever.

One of the major advantages of living apart together relationships is that these stereotypes hold little or no water under these conditions. When everyone has to live in their spaces, they have to figure out how to thrive independently of themselves. Another advantage is that unhealthy dependence on your partner goes out the door.

Cons of living apart together

Just like most things with advantages, living apart together comes with a couple of downsides as well. Here are some of them.

1. Jealousy can easily brew

At least, they could easily navigate themselves and monitor their partners if they were living in the same house. However, when distance is added to the mix, they may begin to doubt their partner's love for them.

2. This might just be the first step in a relationship that will hit the rocks

One of the main challenges that can easily pop up for living apart together relationships is that if extra care isn't taken, the distance can cause both parties to start losing the feeling they once had for themselves over time.

When one person starts feeling like they have to go too far to meet the one they love, they might just be tempted to opt out of the relationship and seek a new love interest that is closer to them.

As much as absence makes the heart grow fonder, it can also cause love to die down with time.

3. Intimacy is somewhat difficult

The heart wants what it wants. Although it is easy to focus on the bright and beautiful side of things, you may want to ask yourself this question. What if you wake up at 3 am, and all you want are the arms of your lover wrapped tightly around you?

You might be able to manage your emotions at first. However, if nothing is done, you may find yourself beginning to look for other options as time passes.

One of the major downsides of these relationships is that sometimes, affection and intimacy can be hard to get. Then again, the spontaneity that most couples who live together enjoy (like having hot sex in the shower and going for a little walk in the evenings) has to be planned and meticulously executed.

Having an order is great. However, what's a healthy relationship without a little bit of spontaneous fun?

4. Financial impact

Crazy, right?

One of the biggest disadvantages of living apart together is its effect on the finances of both people. Instead of taking advantage of all the money you can save, you may have to spend way higher on accommodation and monthly running costs if you choose to live apart.

These numbers still don't mean that married couples living apart are silly or lack financial intelligence. If they have to do that, they must have their strong reasons, right?

Suggested video: What you need to know about financially toxic relationships

5. It takes too much work to maintain a living apart together relationship

You may have to drive halfway across town to see them when you want to. You may have to wait for a couple of days until you can break the good news of your promotion to them.

You can't even get to share the small but precious moments of your life with them. And what's worse? The distance is opening your eyes to many other possible love interests that live just around the corner.

Does living apart together work?

The simple answer to this question is "Yes. Living apart together works."

However, to make it work, you must understand your unique situation and the things you must do to keep the flames of your love life. There are tons of couples out there who have made either scenario work for them. You just have to make sure that you are on the same page with your partner and that both of you are willing to see things through.

It takes a lot to make a living apart together relationship work. However, if both parties commit to making it work and if the situations are right for this type of arrangement, it is bound to work for you.

If it isn't working, however, you may want to sit together and analyze what you are doing. Then match your actions against your goals and see how you can adjust things.

You may also want to consider enlisting the help of professional counselors to help you make the best decision for your unique relationship.

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Living Apart Together: Meaning and Why Couples Do It

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Living apart together has become more common than you probably even thought. If you take some time to survey, you may find couples who are married but living apart or those who are together but apart. In this article, we will walk you through what this phenomenon means and how you can navigate these treacherous times.

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Living Apart Together - Who is living apart together?

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Sir Ken Robinson: ¡A iniciar la revolución del aprendizaje! (subtitulos español)

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Change is known to be a gradual and often difficult process for teachers.

When asked what teachers hope to gain from professional development, they prefer specific, concrete, and practical ideas, directly relating to their classroom's day-to-day operation (Guskey, 2002).

Instructional coaching, specifically educational coaching in the classroom, aims to enhance teachers' success by giving them new problem-solving strategies. Simultaneously, they are introduced to new interests that may further promote their knowledge and are relevant to their practice.

Some of these interests include using new digital technologies, developing new lesson-planning strategies, and curriculum mapping/integration. Instructional coaching topics may include classroom management and how to discuss professional and pedagogical issues with colleagues.

This article will look at educational and instructional coaching, models, and a few further training opportunities.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Psychology Exercises for free. These science-based exercises explore fundamental aspects of positive psychology, including strengths, values, and self-compassion, and will give you the tools to enhance the wellbeing of your clients, students, or employees.

Educational and Instructional Coaching: A Definition

While coaching has been around for a while at a leadership level, it has recently also become a means of professional development for educators.

Educational coaching is a unique philosophy that initiates professional development and personal change through open-ended questioning and reflection, looking specifically at how teachers plan to challenge their own ideas and methods.

The educational coach's job is to facilitate participants by gathering information, testing its validity or applicability, and creating meaningful conclusions or solutions (Sezer, 2016). That is, educational coaches facilitate rather than direct participants (teachers and instructors) on methodologies and solutions to improve their approach to better student experiences.

Educational coaching is becoming more common among educators to expand their skills and make them more open to emerging educational philosophies and methodology.

Coaching is seen as collaborative work between professionals and encourages the development of collective efficacy, which is defined as follows:

"a group's shared belief in its conjoint capability to organize and execute the courses of action required to produce given levels of attainment."

(Bandura, 1997, p. 477).

Even when coaches do not hold formal, evaluative authority over teachers, there is still an expectation that they are more well versed in relevant areas of subject matter and classroom practice. This can be threatening to teachers, who may feel as if they are being criticized for the way they manage their classroom (Jacobs, Boardman, Potvin, & Wang, 2017).

Since coaches hold expertise relative to the practitioners with whom they work, teachers may be resistant to entering this kind of partnership, as the coach is introduced as an agent of change.

Coaching vs. Teaching

A question that is often considered when looking at teaching and coaching is: can teachers be regarded as coaches and vice versa?

While the answer is debatable, consider how current learning and teaching models are evolving.

With the rise of online learning modalities and a departure from the notion of the "sage on the stage" analogy that was previously dominant within the teaching profession, it is becoming more apparent that teachers are beginning to integrate more coaching practices into their practice. In fact:

"...the most effective teachers create opportunities for learning by allowing students to discover knowledge in a mutually supportive environment."

(Ellis & Smith, 2020)

But what is the difference? Teaching is concerned with the acquisition of new knowledge, as learners are "taught" by an expert (i.e., the teacher).

The goal of a teaching experience is typically two-fold, as learners seek to:

1. Gain new knowledge

2. Master new skills

On the other hand, a teacher uses their knowledge and experience to:

1. Help learners learn

2. Allow learners to become more knowledgeable in their subjects

Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximize their own performance, but the assumption is that the individual seeking out coaching already has the expertise and knowledge needed. The ultimate goal of coaching is to tease out the knowledge and skills the coachee is looking to apply.

Coaching is non-directive, where the answer is not known and waiting to be discovered, while teaching is directive, with an idea of the path learners are on and the questions that will be asked (Ellis & Smith, 2020).

Despite the growing integration of coaching aspects into teaching, teachers are still threatened by the presence of integrating educational coaching as a process to help improve their practice, as instructional coaching requires teachers to accept fundamental changes to their professional routine.

These changes include:

An acceptance of the need to make instructional shifts

A reorganization of a teacher's time to accommodate regular communication and meetings with a coach

Shifts in their instructional practice to accommodate the coach's feedback and associated new instructional demands (Jacobs et al., 2017)

Therefore, to ensure both teachers and coaches are involved in a reciprocally beneficial relationship, an understanding of educational coaching models and their benefits to individual practice is important. This will improve the understanding of how crucial educational coaching is to facilitating professional development.

Models of Educational Coaching

Educational coaching can be divided into three broad categories, all of which seek to change instructional practices to improve the student experience. Each model encompasses specific coaching strategies that center on different aspects of the student experience, with the ultimate goal of facilitating and enhancing learning.

Teacher-centered coaching (TCC)

The focus of teacher-centered coaching is to help improve their instructional practice by making teachers more aware of their strategies in the classroom.

For example, suppose a teacher is using backward design, which is a common strategy in curriculum planning. In that case, an instructional coach will go through the planning cycle with them in a pre-observation classroom and observe how the teacher implements their plan in their teaching practice. The coach then helps the teacher reflect on the process after it has been implemented.

This process is called the partnership philosophy framework, and the steps include pre-observation, observation, and post-observation conferences (Knight, 2007).

Another form of TCC, proposed by Aguilar (2013), views the teacher as an expert with whom the coach must build a relationship before the teacher can be coached.

Aguilar's (2013) method focuses on the teacher's strengths and promotes the idea of ongoing improvement, rather than primarily focusing on areas for improvement. For instance, in her book The Art of Coaching, Aguilar (2013) provides a case study about an eighth-grade teacher being coached.

The teacher was concerned about the progress of a Mexican-American student in the class and made a culturally based assumption that the student was lazy, based on the fact that the student could read, but not at grade level. Instead of directly confronting the teacher's cultural biases, the coach played to the teacher's strength (teaching reading).

The teacher discovered the student in question struggled sounding out multisyllabic words and had strong sight word reading capabilities.

Therefore, focusing on the teacher's strengths and using them to mediate, rather than pointing out the approach's weakness, was more beneficial. It allowed the student to get the necessary intervention and the teacher to realize they needed self-improvement.

Student-centered coaching

While teacher-centered coaching focuses on teacher performance, student-centered coaching uses formative evaluation tools such as proposals, outlines, and checklists to evaluate how well students perform and make adjustments as necessary.

Sweeney's (2013) model emphasizes that the coach's role is to provide the support teachers need to maximize effective assessment practices to enhance student performance. The focus is on setting learning targets and designing formative assessments to monitor student progress, focusing on how teachers can make happy students perform better instead of focusing on instructional strategies.

The focus on student work may lead to a change in instructional performance or to the coach assisting the teacher in other ways, such as designing better assessments.

Differentiated coaching

The final model, differentiated coaching, focuses on considering the teacher's individual needs to create a customized coaching experience.

By understanding the teacher's personality, the coach can adapt strategies to ensure that the teacher's needs are being met in a way that fits their values and beliefs.

Differentiated coaching does not focus solely on changing instructional practices nor on analyzing student data; instead, the coach utilizes strategies that will meet the goals and needs of the teacher (Kise, 2017).

Programs and Certification Opportunities

Obtaining certification to become an educational coach is highly dependent on your region and area of expertise.

Often, professional individuals interested in coaching can present their area of expertise to a school board, teachers' union, or individual schools with a mentorship plan and explanation of how their coaching services can benefit their teachers.

Fortunately, certification is available through several coaching platforms, depending on the type of educational coach you are looking to become. Some of these programs are outlined below:

Google's Certified Coach Program

The Certified Coach Program, powered by Google, aims to empower instructional coaches to work one-on-one with educators with the goal of transforming instruction.

The program is multi-leveled, as individuals have the option of pursuing an L1 or L2 certification. Through the Google Certified Coaches platform, coaches get access to research-based strategies and tools, as well as impactful technology, so they can work alongside teachers to improve their practice.

The curriculum is self-directed and free to access online, so individuals wishing to pursue coaching certification can access it easily and work through the steps at their own pace.

The program also has resources for distance learning and provides a self-assessment for individuals to determine if the program is a good fit. The EDU Learning Applications program promotes ongoing development, allowing prospective coaches to track their coaching hours and receive feedback about their progress.

Instructional Coaching Group

The Instructional Coaching Group provides workshops and certification for coaches who are more advanced in their practice.

Their coaching program is based on the tenets from Jim Knight's The Impact Cycle (2017) and the coaching cycle proposed for instructional coaches. It provides a process for guiding the coaching experience through considering the unique experiences of teachers, schools, and classrooms.

The aim of The Impact Cycle program is to ensure that coaches have all the tools to help teachers engage in goal setting and, ultimately, achieve their instructional goals.

This organization offers 5-, 8-, and 16-week workshops, which include in-depth instruction on specific topics and an introductory course on The Impact Cycle. The 8-week course is taught by Jim Knight and is specifically designed for those new to educational coaching.

The workshops address topics such as:

Role clarity

Using strategies and goals

How to enroll teachers in coaching

How to best work with principals and administrators

All sessions are recorded and available on-demand for 30 days. Pricing varies depending on the duration of the course, but a complimentary coaching session is available for 15-30 minutes on one of the following topics:

Creating a highly effective instructional coaching program

Creating an instructional playbook

Obtaining a coaching certification through their organization

PositivePsychology.com masterclasses

Here at PositivePsychology.com, we provide various coaching masterclasses for individuals looking to incorporate coaching skills into their practice. Three positive psychology courses that can be particularly useful to educational coaching include:

These coaching courses provide generalized coaching strategies that are applicable to all facets of coaching, not just educational coaching.

For further reading, you might want to peruse this article discussing 20 options for online coaching courses.

3 Useful Tools for Educational Coaching

Are you already an educational coach or a teacher looking to apply coaching practices in your next professional development session?

Iris Connect is a great website that provides video-based learning to enhance teacher reflection and gives access to a number of professional development resources.

It also allows coaches to connect, share their stories, and gain new insight and knowledge to use in their coaching practice. Iris Connect also has a blog with an article about teacher coaching tools that teachers can use with their students in a learning activity, bridging the gap between teaching and coaching.

This Coaching Observation Tool also provides questions for teachers and coaches in a TCC session during the pre-observation, observation, and post-observation.

There is no denying the power of podcasts, and for that reason, we have curated a selection of 20 Top Coaching Podcasts. All coaches can enjoy these resources to help them develop their skills and mindset around coaching.

3 Books on the Topic

Several positive education books are available, whether you are looking for a book on the general principles of coaching or philosophies surrounding educational coaching.

1. The Art of Coaching: Effective Strategies for School Transformation - Elena Aguilar

Elena Aguilar (2013) provides an outline of practical and foundational skills needed for coaches, principals, and administrators from a differentiated coaching perspective.

Her strategies are student centered, and she focuses specifically on addressing racial and ethnic equity issues in schools.

This book provides practical examples of real-life situations involving students and teachers to help individuals at all levels understand how to implement a differentiated coaching approach.

Available on Amazon.

2. Educational Coaching: A Partnership for Problem Solving - Cathy A. Toll

One of the most heavily cited resources in the educational coaching field, this book by Cathy Toll (2018) provides a general overview of educational coaching and characteristics for problem solving and effective coaching strategies.

Toll provides an introduction to several models of coaching and outlines three phases of the problem-solving cycle that drive effective coaching conversations.

She also breaks down obstacles that hinder a coach's success and provides strategies for addressing these difficulties.

Available on Amazon.

3. Instructional Coaching in Action: An Integrated Approach That Transforms Thinking, Practice, and Schools - Ellen B. Eisenberg, Bruce P. Eisenburg, Elliott A. Medrich, and Ivan Charner

This book by Eisenberg et al. (2017) details strategies for educational coaching within the school-wide community, focusing specifically on teacher development using educator-centered instructional coaching.

Eisenberg et al. offer details from the teachers' perspective by giving a model that is centered around practical purposes to promote educator buy-in.

The book provides a detailed overview of the approach, strategies for data collection and analysis, as well as additional pathways to promote teacher development.

Available on Amazon.

A Take-Home Message

Even though several different models promote educational coaching, promoting change in one's philosophy, assessment practices, or teaching strategies is not a simple endeavor.

For any of these modules to effectively promote change, both teachers and coaches need to be engaged in a mutually trusting relationship where collaboration, critical questioning, and transparency are highlighted as facets in forming the relationship. Without these key tenets, meaningful change will not occur, and neither party will reap the benefits that a coaching relationship has to offer.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don't forget to download our three Positive Psychology Exercises for free.

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A Look at Educational Coaching in The Classroom

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Change is known to be a gradual and often difficult process for teachers. When asked what teachers hope to gain from professional development, they prefer specific, concrete, and practical ideas, directly relating to their classroom's day-to-day operation (Guskey, 2002). Instructional coaching, specifically educational coaching in the classroom, aims to enhance teachers' success by giving them new problem-solving strategies.

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Are you moving to Spain? If so, you'd better read up on how to make traditional cuisine. You may have had some traditional Spanish recipes before, but some can only be made with local ingredients.

Traditional Spanish cooking is simple but absolutely delicious. All it takes is the right ingredients and a little know-how.

If you haven't relocated yet, enjoy this guide and try some recipes to get you in the mood. Are you ready? Let's get going!

The Versatility of Spanish Food

When you think of Spanish food you may think of rice and beans. But Spanish cuisine is much more than that. Many ingredients are commonly used.

Ham, chicken, eggs, fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts, lamb, pork, and more are often used in Spanish cooking. Several cooking methods are used as well, including stewing, roasting, broiling, grilling, and baking.

In other words, there's a lot of variety to be found in Spanish cooking. The traditional recipes are full of the flavour of the region. You're sure to love it, but you can always mix in some of your favourite meals from the UK when you want to.

To make things every more versatile, you'll find many versions of a recipe. Why? Because different regions have different ways of making them.

So don't try a dish only once. Make sure you get the full experience by trying several different versions!

Spanish Food: Sticking to History

Many cultures have passed through the area currently known as Spain. And the country boasts a versatile landscape, including beaches, mountains, and pastures.

This mix of cultures and lifestyles leads to great variety in Spanish cooking. Local ingredients are relied upon, so farm animals and crops and seafood are all common ingredients in Spanish cooking.

Traditional Dishes

Now that you know a bit about the history of Spanish cuisine and how it's cooked, here are some common traditional recipes.

Queso Manchego

This is a traditional Spanish cheese. Sheep's milk from La Mancha is used to make it. The cheese is firm but has a delightful texture that goes well with many dishes.

Paella

Paella can be made in several ways, but the concept is the same in each variation. This saffron and rice-based dish hails from Valencia.

To your rice, add your choice of meat, seafood, and vegetables. Traditional meat choices include rabbit, seafood, and snails. Beans and seasoning are also traditionally included.

Empanadas

These traditional pastries are stuffed with meats, cheeses, and other ingredients. They're delicious whether baked or fried.

Spanish Cooking: Try it Today!

You have many things to look forward to in Spain, and Spanish cooking is definitely one of them. Get things started by trying some Spanish dishes today, or jump in a try them when you get there.

Don't forget to try the same dish in multiple locations. You'll love the variety, and you're sure to find a favourite.

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An Introduction to Traditional Spanish Cooking

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Are you moving to Spain? If so, you'd better read up on how to make traditional cuisine. You may have had some traditional Spanish recipes before, but some can only be made with local ingredients. Traditional Spanish cooking is simple but absolutely delicious. All it takes is the right ingredients and a little know-how.

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Traditional Spanish Food - A Taste of Spain - Magical Spanish Food You Have To Try

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What do you have to know about before you buy a flat?
-If it's a good moment or no.
-What kind of flat do you need?
-You have to know if there are markets, libraries, restaurants, schools...next to a flat.
-Don't buy the first one that you see.
-You have to compare prices.
- You must look at the qualities of the flat.
- How much money do you have?
- How much does it cost if you can pay it?
- Also you can see new flats or second hand flats.
-Finally you must study all this and after that you can decide.
Your decision is very important because buying a flat is an investment that will make you happy or unhappy for many years.
Also you have to compare the mortgages offered by financial institutions and you must study them well. If you don't know you should look for good advisors to help you.
Good lucky

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The author Jonathan Coe, seeking to add a bit of contemporary colour to his novel Expo 58, sends his protagonist to a trattoria in Soho for lasagne, chianti and a bowl of creamy, coffee-spiked tiramisu - a classic Italian dessert that was the height of sophistication in postwar London. The only problem, as Coe discovered when he was corrected on the point by a 'very polite' Italian journalist during an interview, was that the book was set in 1958, and tiramisu wasn't invented until 1959. Or perhaps it was the early 1970s. As is so often the case with much-beloved dishes, the origins are as hotly disputed as the recipe.

According to the Accademia del Tiramisù (an organisation devoted to 'transmitting the culture of tiramisù'), the dessert is a good deal older, created by a Treviso madam as an aphrodisiac for her clients - 'a Viagra from the 19th century', as they put it. Although this theory isn't given much credence by food historians, it may explain why the name translates as 'pick-me-up' in a local dialect. Prudery over these salacious origins, according to the Accademia, explains why the dessert has only started to appear on respectable menus relatively recently.

Whether or not this tale has even the lightest cocoa dusting of truth to it pales into insignificance compared with the major bone of contention. Veneto, the northeastern region that calls Venice its capital, claims it first saw the light of day in the early 1970s at Le Beccherie, a restaurant in Treviso. Apparently, it was inspired by a tonic served to pregnant women and nursing mothers to build up their strength.
Read more: Where to eat the world's best tiramisu
However, across the border in Friuli Venezia Giulia, a mountainous region that borders Austria and Slovenia, they point to a handwritten recipe for tiramisu said to date from 1959 as evidence they got there first. (There's another, even earlier version produced in the region but it involves whipped cream, rather than mascarpone, so we can safely rule that one out of contention.) The author of the Friuli recipe is one Norma Pielli, proprietor and chef at the Albergo Roma hotel in the Alpine town of Tolmezzo. According to the locals, she served the dish, originally dubbed a 'mascarpone slice', to hungry hikers - one of whom gave it the name it bears to this day.

Although Le Beccherie has long been the most widely accepted birthplace of tiramisu, following the discovery (and subsequent publication in 2016) of Pielli's recipe, the Italian government decided that needed to change. In 2017, tiramisu was recognised as a prodotto agroalimentare tradizionale (officially approved, traditional regional speciality) of Friuli, much to the outrage of the Venetians, who've threatened legal action to fight the decree. "No one can swindle us out of tiramisu... the best dessert in the world," Veneto governor Luca Zaia declared at the time.

Despite all this, Veneto still hosts the annual Tiramisù World Cup for amateur chefs, centred on two categories: 'original recipe' and 'creative recipe'. Entries in the former must use only savoiardi (a drier, crumblier version of what we might call ladyfingers or boudoir biscuits), mascarpone, eggs, coffee, cocoa powder and sugar, all supplied by the organisers. No alcohol is permitted, because none appears in either of the recipes claimed as the original (a detail the Treviso camp uses to justify the theory it's based on a dish once served to pregnant women), and this list 'does not', the official website insists, 'admit any variation'.

These six ingredients are one of the few things the two warring regions can agree on, although the richer Le Beccherie version uses egg yolks alone, beaten into sweetened mascarpone, while the lighter, frothier Albergo Roma dish folds whipped whites into the mascarpone as well. That's where the variation ends, however; both sandwich the creamy mixture with layers of savoiardi soaked in coffee, and then finish it all off with a light dusting of cocoa powder. At this point, tiramisu is happy to sit in the fridge for several hours while the flavours mingle, which may help to explain its popularity with the restaurant trade, where anything that can be made ahead of the mad rush of service is a sure-fire winner.

In fact, 'popular' may well be an understatement. In 1985, The New York Times devoted an entire half page to the 'newest' Italian dessert in the city's restaurants, estimating there were over 200 variations 'according to one authoritative source'. And where New York leads, the rest of the Western world follows. Although it's unclear when it first appeared on menus in the UK, it didn't achieve superstar status until the end of the last century, with Nigella Lawson dubbing it the 'Black Forest gateau of the 1990s' in her 1998 book How to Eat.

Diego Zancani, an emeritus professor of medieval and modern languages at the University of Oxford, whose book, How We Fell in Love with Italian Food, was published this year, believes tiramisu hit an historical sweet spot. "The 1980s were a great period for the expansion of genuine Italian food abroad," he tells me. "Tiramisu became so iconic because it represented an enhanced, luscious version of an Italian classic, the humble gelato - maybe crossed with a Black Forest gateau. It was a really satisfying, versatile pick-me-up that could be eaten as a dessert, but would be an outstanding item at breakfast as well."

Diego (who, incidentally, sits in the Treviso camp when it comes to tiramisu's origins) is particularly impressed by Giorgio Locatalli's spin on the dessert. The Italian chef has developed a lighter version involving a mascarpone mousse for his Michelin-starred London restaurant Locanda Locatelli, because, he says, "a real tiramisu at the end of a meal is a killer - very heavy to digest". The only exceptions to this rule, he adds, are the sort of convivial family gatherings that "take so many hours that at the end you're feeling hungry again".

Lawson, meanwhile, uses a mixture of coffee and Irish cream in one recipe, and hazelnut liqueur and toasted hazelnuts in another. And at Soho's Chin Chin Dessert Club, they've turned the dish into an ice cream sundae, complete with an espresso-soaked chocolate brownie.

Even in Italy there's room for a little experimentation. The Tiramisù World Cup's 'creative recipe' category, which permits the use of three ingredients in addition to mascarpone, eggs, coffee and cocoa, was won last year by a fairly straightforward riff involving cinnamon and ginger. But more daring entries have included pineapple, matcha tea, chilli and beer, while a controversial vegan version replaced the mascarpone custard with rice milk, vegetable cream and potato starch, with handsome-looking results.

Such liberties would horrify the Treviso-based Confraternità del Tiramisù ('Brotherhood of Tiramisu'), which represents 50 members in the Veneto region. It has no truck with the Tiramisù World Cup, or indeed with anyone else who tries to muck about with the traditional formula. "We have to protect our identity," a Brotherhood spokesperson told journalists last year. "It is like the pizza that has spread around the world. We have to defend it."

You can see their point; a classic tiramisu is a thing of beauty (you can now find great versions from Alaska to Australia), but the more people who get to enjoy this sweet, creamy dessert, the better - whether it's the original or a whole new interpretation.
Published in Issue 7 (winter 2019) of National Geographic Traveller Food
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Deconstructing tiramisu: the coffee-infused Italian classic

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The author Jonathan Coe, seeking to add a bit of contemporary colour to his novel Expo 58, sends his protagonist to a trattoria in Soho for lasagne, chianti and a bowl of creamy, coffee-spiked tiramisu - a classic Italian dessert that was the height of sophistication in postwar London.

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Eggless Tiramisu Recipe | Easy Italian Tiramisu | The Foodie

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Wanting to read more, but not knowing where to start, is such a common conundrum that there's even a WikiHow page dedicated to reading more. Perhaps your boss asked you to read certain books to support you at your job. Maybe you like the aesthetic of giant scarves, warm beverages, and stained wood bookshelves sagging under the weight of dilapidated paperbacks. Or possibly you feel the irresistible, inherent human draw towards stories.

While a lot has been written about the ways books can make you smarter (besides the simple imparting of knowledge), the truth is that attaching a strategic goal to what's supposed to be a relaxing activity can make it too intimidating. You don't have to be the next Yo Yo Ma to enjoy Bach's cello suites. Why should reading be any different?

If you want to learn how to start reading more, but have been too intimidated to try, consider trying these tips.

Get the Right Recs

If you're trying to read more, the first thing you'll need to do is find a book to read. This is often easier said than done, of course, especially when you consider that well over 1,000 new books are published per day. With such an overwhelming number of books, it's easy to see how finding one you actually like to read can quickly become a daunting task. That's why you should find a trusted person you can ask for suggestions.

Knowing whom to ask for book recommendations is a crucial skill. The right recommendation can open up a huge world of possibilities and insights. Find a friend who knows you really well (and has a diverse reading list!) and ask them to recommend something they think you'd like. Tell them about movies you like to watch, issues or topics you care about, and other ways you like to relax and unwind. If they know you love being outdoors, they may recommend John Muir's My First Summer in the Sierra. More of a People Magazine person? Kevin Kwan's Crazy Rich Asians could be right up your alley.

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Of course, if you don't know someone that can fill this role, you can always consult a Bibliologist.

Look for Page-Turners

If it seems books have a hard time holding your attention, find a book with short chapters or a lot of cliffhangers to keep your interest. Sassy action-thrillers like Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series cut right to the core of the plot. The Martian by Andy Weir is as hilarious as it is fast-paced and readable.

Short chapters and cliffhangers do not indicate a book of "lesser" value. They simply indicate the author knows how to keep you guessing and keep you reading. If you want to keep reading, you need to stay interested. And if you still have a hard time staying focused, you can read 1-2 chapters at a time. You'll make progress on the book without feeling like you're stuck on a chapter that just won't end.

Don't Be Afraid to Read YA

YA stands for "young adult," or, more precisely, novels written for people between the ages of 12 and 18 years old. Despite the age range of their intended audience, anyone of any age can read YA books and enjoy them.

As Abby Hargreaves recently wrote for Book Riot, YA novels have a much broader appeal than to just teenagers. Just because they're geared to younger readers, doesn't mean they're juvenile. On the contrary, many YA novels gracefully tackle serious issues, such as police brutality (Angie Thomas's The Hate U Give), or sexuality (the queer space age retelling of the King Arthur myth, Once and Future by Amy Rose Capetta and Cori McCarthy).

YA fiction is often equally silly and serious. It tends to be shorter than adult fiction, and easier to read. For recommendations on how to start reading YA, check out this list of books.

Listen to Audiobooks

If you struggle with the sitting and focusing required to read a physical book, or don't have the time, consider listening to audiobooks. Audiobooks are a great way to make mundane tasks, like chores or a daily commute, more enjoyable. Even better, many audiobooks are available for free through your local library through apps like Hoopla, Libby, and Overdrive.

A pro tip for finding an audiobook you like: find a narrator you like. Famous actors will often perform audiobooks. If The Handmaid's Tale or Tom Sawyer have always intimidated you, hearing Claire Danes or Nick Offerman (AKA Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson) narrate may add another layer of interest to your listening. Plus, many celebrities narrate their own memoirs. If you love Tiffany Haddish, it is more than worth it to hear her read The Last Black Unicorn.

Download Some Ebooks

If you're constantly on your phone or tablet, but the thought of lugging around a physical book seems like too much, try an ebook. Ebooks are also widely available on a variety of different apps, and can be read on just about any device nowadays. They've become ubiquitous among voracious readers and for good reason: they're addictive!

One secret to the addictive nature of ebooks: the pages are really short. Most of the time, you feel more active reading an ebook than a physical book because you turn the pages more often. Plus, if you find yourself mindlessly scrolling social media, you can easily use that time to switch over to a more entertaining ebook on the same device.

Take Advantage of Boredom

While you may think you don't have time to read, there may be some blank edges in your day where having a book could come in handy. A daily commute on the train, doctor's appointments, waiting for your kids to finish up soccer practice, are all opportunities to sneak in some reading. Thanks to COVID-19, you are likely more bored than ever. Why not use that extra time to squeeze in some reading?

This is where audiobooks and ebooks come in handy. While you may not be used to lugging around Anna Karenina, you likely carry around a smart phone pretty much all of the time. Having a few ebooks or audiobooks preloaded onto your phone can help keep you engaged and informed at all times.

Read the Book Version of a Movie or TV Show

The debate of books over movies has raged for as long as books have been adapted for film and I am frankly not interested in adding more to it. As a tool to start reading, however, movies and TV shows are a great place to start.

First of all, you already know you like the story, the characters, and the setting if you like the filmed adaptation of a book. Secondly, while occasionally movies surpass their source material, in general books include more details and background that movies leave out, because they have the luxury of extra time to say what they want to say.

If the thought of spoilers puts you off reading the book, at the very least you have a good jumping off point for what stories might catch your attention. For example, do you love The Hunger Games? Here's a list of similar books for you to try.

Learn the Power of the DNF

Internet bookworms have many acronyms: TBR, AOC, the list goes on. One of the most freeing is DNF: did not finish. After being forced to stomach "classics" in our high school language arts classes, many of us carry a lot of unnecessary guilt into our adult reading lives. The idea that we must soldier on through a grueling book is drilled into our heads from an early age.

One of the true miracles of growing up is just doing whatever the heck you want. And no matter how much your partner, boss, best friend, or pushy aunt goads you to read a certain book, if you'd rather pull your fingernails off than read the book, put it down. Find something else. Life is too short to believe you hate reading because you've only ever read books you hate. Find one you like. It's out there (I promise).

All of these tips are designed to help you either find a book you enjoy, or find a way to consume books that works for you. If you want to learn how to start reading, the key is this: make sure you like it. Books can be dry and dense, they can be puzzling and weird, or they can be short and silly. They can make you laugh, cry, think, dream, and feel the full range of emotions a human being experiences. The fact that you sought out an article about how to start reading more means you want to like it. So make sure you don't lose sight of what you enjoy and what interests you. If you do that, you'll be reading before you know it.

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How to Start Reading (If You've Never Liked Reading Before)

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If you want to learn how to start reading more, but have been too intimidated to try, consider trying these helpful tips.

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beginner route

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Second route

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Scratch is a free programming language and online community where you can create your own interactive stories, games, and animations.