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Wake up at 6:30

Brush teeth and eat breakfast

Pick up Sarah and Ryan

Arrive at Raging Waters

Standing at the top of the halfpipe

Racing down the half pipe backwards

Falling off the half pipe.

Identify the action in this sequence. In 10 minutes, generate an intriguing way to engage your audience.

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I wonder if you can focus on the drama like what happens in slow motion.

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"Wait, I change my mind" Lachlan bellowed! His eyes glared at the instructor. Eyes locked, fist clenched. His destiny sealed with the instructors chuckle.

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My heart jumped out of my chest as I saw the massive wave of people waiting in line. My legs turned to jelly as what felt like hours passed. Now it was my turn. Now I am so ready!

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I wonder if you can exclude unnecessary details?

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I wonder if you can include metaphors, similies and descriptive language to strengthen your hook.

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Tonderai stared, vigorously, frightened and hoped to not get seen…. Hoping he wouldn't be given away. | Hook: frightened and he hoped he wouldn't get spotted.... Hoping he wouldn't be given away.

I ran into my room hiding from the trembers from my door | Hook: hiding from the trembers from my door

: He was close to death. Before the mysterious figure came | Hook: Before the mysterious figure came

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Emily glared upon the monstrosity that she created, knowing she had to do something about it...Why you may ask? What was it? No one knew but Emily herself...And time to finish it off… Once and for all…

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Fear struck him as he saw a glimpse of what was to come.

Once Marshall peered around the corner, he could fully see the devastation he was about to encounter.

He took a deep breath and water gushed, rapidly at his face.
He could barely keep his mind straight and the feeling in fingertips was fading.

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Malcolm looks at his partner, anxious and pounded with terror. “Malcolm… Malcolm” an alarming voice made him break down from fear as he tried to abandon the building. Malcolm had a dilemma, pay the price or deliver his soul. Malcolm then quickly spotted an unidentifiable creature at the corner of his eye, he knew it was coming…

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As I put on my strap, I could hear the screams of children from afar.

I felt like I should turn back, but it was too late.
The cart had already begun launching downwards into an infinite loop of darkness. I closed my eyes and the horror had begun!

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I didn't mean to kill her.

I thought she was going to be alright, but I was wrong.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I am too young to go to jail.

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Hook: I was walking up the stairs feeling instant regret knowing that i can't turn back after 3 long years of waiting i cant turn back now
Hook: I was standing in line at the top then it was my go

Hook:Then ahhhh i was falling down the half pipe then bang i landed in some bushes and passed out then i woke up in the hospital…

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20 years... 20 years I’ve had my hand up and still my handstands tall." you” the teacher exclaimed. as he pointed at Jessica who didn’t even have her hand up!!!!!!!!

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as I gazed down the long dark abyss I was going to be forced into the grin that once filled my face had long escaped. I was now hoping i would come down in one piece

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I hear the scream one by one as faces of excitement turn into faces of terror. I hear the scream one by one as faces of excitement turn into faces of terror. I hear the scream one by one as faces of excitement turn into faces of terror.

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it felt like i was waiting for years, but the second the signal started, i picked my battle axe and started chasing them.

they ran in horror as i inched closer and closer every second

and as i was bout to swing i heard the terrifying voice of an adult in a yellow vest. The vest said S.T.A.F.F. i put the wooden 'axe' down immediately. stopping the game of 'Touch In Pain' T.I.P

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Woosh, as i'm finally at the top of the halfpipe I start to get goosebumps and a chill runs down my spine.

As we start going down I yelp out a scream we are going backwards!

I look down as we are falling off the half pipe. I'm screaming out for help but everybody is talking and my scream is too soft.

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Khloe closed her eyes as the sound of wind filled her ears. She bounced through the air as the bungee rope ended She closed her eyes as fear ran through her body faster than a cheetah. The rope suddenly snapped as she fell into the water 100 metres from the surface.

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I didn't mean to, I swear. It was an accident. I panic and cry and I know she is dying in my hands. She isn't talking at all, instead she is just staring at the white mouldy roof like something interesting was going on. The phone was sitting there, I instantly grab it, and call the ambulance, even though I knew I was going to go to jail.

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Hook: James closed his eyes as fear ran through his body.Hook:  The engines roared and we took off…Hook: “ We will land in Ukraine in 1900 hours.”

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Hook: James closed his eyes as fear ran through his body.Hook:  The engines roared and we took off…Hook: “ We will land in Ukraine in 1900 hours.”

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i like the way you sadi metaphors like second sentence
i wonder if you could've characterized the person who told you to stop a little more

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I like the words you described for scenes
I wonder if you can improve your grammar and punctuation

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As I make my way up the hundreds of stairs I hear the kids scream as they race down. After ages I make it to the top over 50 metres off the ground. My heart beats as fast as a cheetah, “NEXT” I go down the slide. What happens next? Nobody knows

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this is very emo. but that aside, very interested.

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Lachlan was standing there , his breathing becoming shakier by the second as fear struck his body.

“Your next!” The safety guard shrieked as he pointed at Lachlan , grinning ear to ear. Without hesitation , Sarah & Ryan dragged Lachlan forward with them as they all sat down…
“5 , 4 , 3 , 2 , 1!!”WOOOSH! They were sent down the halfpipe , swerving at high speeds !It was all fun and exciting until an ear splitting scream escaped Lachlan mouth…
“HELP M-” Lachlan’s cry for help was silenced as he fell off the ride...

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After reaching the top, which took an eternity, I could only gasp!‘“Wow but ugh!, This is so tall and scary! I'm getting goosebumps!"
Well I guess I'm gonna go next, Kyle, is it Safe! YES!!!! Said Kyle, Echoing! I jumped closed my eyes, hitted my head on something and passed out!
Addy,Addy, whispering/glitching! Addy! Huh, What happened, you fainted and woke up! Addy look! But I feel very diz… Addy look! What!!! Wow!!!!!!To be continued…
This is 7 to 8 sentences

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Maddy looked up at the terror she had made.  She knows she must have had something to do with it, she questions herself.. why did she do this? Maddy herself doesn't even know with her mind running like crazy with all these thoughts....