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kinda just done with everything at this point

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i have a gut-retching feeling that my depressions getting really bad again and i hate it because i'd like to be able to get through the last week of school w/o feeling miserable as fuck.

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all i want is to be treated like an adult. is that too much to ask?

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hating life again

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gotta love being burnt out and drained :)

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just had the worse day of my life.

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istg school is gonna be the death of me

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is it just me, or are parents sometimes the absolute worst?

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had a horrible night last night, and now my Dad's disappointed in me. never wanted things to go this way...

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just had the worst morning ever. made my mom cry so that just made things worse. I hate making her cry more than anything in the world. that or seeing her cry. and I should be able to let it go. but I keep thinking about her crying, and then I get worked up all over again.

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spent the majority of my day crying and feeling shitty. fucking hate today.

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currently hating my dad again. don't ask. I don't want to talk about it.

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why don't parents apologize for things they do when it hurts just as bad as if it happened w/ someone else?

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you know what. at this point, fuck everyone.
im tired of being a pain
im tired of crying
im tired of trying
and most of all im tired of feeling worthless
i just cant do it anymore
no matter how hard i try i always end up hurt in the end
im done pretending to be happy
im done trying to appease others if it means ill end up hurting myself in the end
i would like to believe that everything happens for a reason and that life has one big plan for you but how can i think that when all lifes done for me is throw me in a shit hole
for one i just want to be happy but at this point i just cant

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having an emotionally abusive dad who lacks in the attention giving department sucks ass. all I ever want is his attention - for him to say he's here for me and that he's willing to listen to my problems instead of telling me I'm okay or that I'm being brainwashed into thinking something's wrong. bc something clearly is. I'm not okay, and I wish he'd understand that. even if he actually does, it would at least be nice for him to tell me that he does, so I could talk to him and confide in him when I need help instead of just having my mother being there for that sort of thing. However, when he does give me attention, I tend to cling to him bc I don't want that feeling to end. I want to have his full undivided attention when I need the most.

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I am so beyond tired of having a dad who keeps hurting me emotionally, and thinking "it'll be better tomorrow." bc it's clearly not getting any better. especially, when he keeps telling me I can't do anything, or he's disappointed in me, or that I all I'm going to flunk and have to repeat the entire grade. then he acts like that's supposed to make me work harder, but in reality it just hurts and breaks me down even more, and I'm not just going to sit here and let him shit all over me and make me feel awful for trying to succeed and make him happy. I'm done acting like nothing's wrong around him. bc, the only reason something's wrong is bc of his bullshit excuses. don't get me wrong, I love him beyond belief, but I just can't let him emotionally screw me over and pretend like everything's all fine and dandy when it clearly isn't. my father also doesn't like to admit that he has a daughter who's mentally unstable, either. he's one of those people who'd rather go around pretending he lives a perfect life, and has the most perfect children, than admit otherwise. and that especially hurts knowing he knows something really is wrong, he just would rather not shed light on the problem at hand. I'm completely fucking done w/ it.

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I told my mom that my bsf dropped out of school yesterday and that bitch really said "good, now maybe you'll be happy" like- wtf-

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having an emotionally abusive dad and a sympathic mother is one of the worst feelings of hurt in the world. bc more often than not, no matter what you do, you're failing to please one. and then you feel awful bc it feels like you constantly have to chose between one or the other and that's not how things should have to be.

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I fucking hate fake ass friends. yk- like the one person whose friends with your friend, but you actually fucking hate them, but up w/ them anyway bc you don't want your friend to be mad? yeah. them. I have one of those people in my life, who have to put up w/ all the damn time. and frankly, I'm just about done w/ their shit. i've been putting up w/ their shit so fucking long, and ideky. like- i don't like them, and they're (kind of) a bad person. they always "steal/take" (if you will) my friends, and either turn them against me, or hang out w/ them more than me, or they'll even talk shit about me directly to my friends behind my back. As if they think my friends aren't going to tell me the shit they're saying. bc ik. I just don't draw attention to it, bc i'd rather keep it to myself and let it go pass. unlike you, who drags and drags on problems that happened in the past. like - let it go, everyone else has. also, why pretend to be my friend - what exactly do you think I have to offer you? I'm not that smart, I'm mentally-ill, and I'm not popular (hence having like - little to no friends) and on-top of that I'm not rich either. I have nothing to offer, so what's the point?

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I'm at the point where I'm so mentally exhausted and emotionally unstable that all I'm physically able to do is cry, sleep and stress-eat. I'm also at the point where I don't give a fuck about anything anymore, and I don't trust as much. Ik I'm just going to get screwed over in the end. I'm going to fuck something up and hurt myself even more, like always. I'm tired of giving my all and trying so hard if it's just going to be worthless in the end. I'm so tired of being worthless.

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I'm so mentally drained that I don't even want to do things that I love to do. All I want to do is sleep. 😴

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istfg if my mom says my friends are the reason for me being so depressed and mentally drained one more fucking time, i'm seriously going to kms

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i can't do this anymore. i'm hurting myself trying to figure shit out. i constantly fake a smile so i don't have to talk abt my true feelings. it's much easier to hurt myself, bottle up my feelings and cry myself to sleep every night then admit i'm depressed. or admit i need help. i get headaches taking drugs to fix my problems. i stay up at night trying to get shit done but end up crying til i can't anymore. i can't keep living like this. i can't keep hurting myself and losing my smile. i'm losing those who truly care by not sharing my problems. sharing all these overwhelming emotions that are slowing killing me is hard. i feel like shit. i want to end things. i'm tired of trying my hardest when it clearly isn't good enough. i get told i'm not good enough, or i'm gonna fail school all bc my emotions are too much. i wish someone believed i could do something in life and keep their word. i'm just so done with everything.

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imagine having a bsf and everyone thinks she's a bad influence and dragging you down. smh

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depressing songs for depressed people 1 hour mix  ~ ＤＥＰＲＥＳＳＩＯＮ (sad music playlist)

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sad songs to cry to at 3am (sad songs playlist) [pt.1]