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Student: "I need to use the Bathroom!"
Me:  "You can go after the spelling test. Your next word is Celebration"
Student:  "I have to POOP!"
Me: In my brain - Ignore this student and continue.  "Celebration."
Student:  Stands on his desk and screams, "I HAVE TO POOP!"
5 minutes later the student poops on the floor in the hall and blames it on me.

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Students were reading math word problems out loud. Actual problem

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Sitting outside for a Flag Day Ceremony in about 90 degree heat.
Student: Mrs. Button, I feel like burnt bacon in a hot frying pan.

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A student was reading their answer in science and said "One of the orgasms is a carnivore".

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As my 22 yr old self turns to the chalkboard to write my name on the board a male seventh grader says to a friend, "Do you think she's a virgin?"

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A student is passing a lot of gas in my room. His friend says to him, "Man! Stop lighting up the room with your farts!

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There was a little fog outside.
First grader: "It looks like Hurricane Florence out there."

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Mrs. Button: Hey buddy, its really cold out.  Let's stop and put your coat on before you go outside.
Student: Sure, ok. (Drops backpack and starts putting coat on). I love fried chicken Mrs. Button.

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Me: "Yes I was alive during the September 11 attacks. Remember, it was 17 years ago. How old do you think I was at the time?"

Student: "53?"

Me: "Thank you."

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Student came back from vacation.  Said she ate at Out Back Steak House:
"Why would someone put shrimp on a Barbie?"

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Mrs. French- this is like texting, but.... for old people.

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Isn't the spider in this book so cute?? It has a hairy lip!
Student: My grandma has a hairy lip too!

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A student looked at a big pot of sunflowers and said "I know the artist, it was painted by that van stop person"

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Ms. Budgell:  "Wow, I see a new tooth in there."

Six Year Old:   "My family and I have been waiting 10 years for it to  come in. I lost it when I was 4!"

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Student, sounding mortified: "Wait, you were born in the nineties???"

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After a 15 minute mini lesson about how to find a "just right book....."
1st grade student: Sets huge Harry Potter Book on counter to check out from the library.
Me: Did you use the 5 finger rule before deciding to get that book?
1st grade student: Yes.

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Student is throwing counting bears up in the air.
Mrs. Scaltreto: "Honey, it's not safe to throw the counting bears."
Student: "I'm not throwing, I'm devoting these to the Goddess." Follows statement with a meditation pose accompanied by a wolf howl.

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Mrs. Nye: "What's a safety rule we should follow?"
Student: "Stay away from growling brown bears."

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Student: "Man, I'm starving.  I want Goldfish.  Do you like Goldfish?"

Mr. LeGros: "The cracker?"

Student: "No..."

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Mr. LeGros: "C'mon!  Think.  What would be the two accents if you live in France & England?"

Student: "I dunno, Mr. LeGros.  You know I'm not any good at foreign languages..."