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In 1909, the psychologist Edward Titchener translated the German Einfühlung ('feeling into') into English as ' empathy '. Empathy can be defined as a person's ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person, fictional character, or sentient being. It involves, first, seeing someone else's situation from his perspective, and, second, sharing his emotions, including, if any, his distress.

For me to share in someone else's perspective, I must do more than merely put myself into his position. Instead, I must imagine myself as him, and, more than that, imagine myself as him in the particular situation in which he finds himself. I cannot empathize with an abstract or detached feeling. To empathize with a particular person, I need to have at least some knowledge of who he is and what he is doing or trying to do. As John Steinbeck wrote, 'It means very little to know that a million Chinese are starving unless you know one Chinese who is starving.'

Empathy is often confused with pity, sympathy, and compassion, which are each reactions to the plight of others. Pity is a feeling of discomfort at the distress of one or more sentient beings, and often has paternalistic or condescending overtones. Implicit in the notion of pity is that its object does not deserve its plight, and, moreover, is unable to prevent, reverse, or overturn it. Pity is less engaged than empathy, sympathy, or compassion, amounting to little more than a conscious acknowledgement of the plight of its object.

Sympathy ('fellow feeling', 'community of feeling') is a feeling of care and concern for someone, often someone close, accompanied by a wish to see him better off or happier. Compared to pity, sympathy implies a greater sense of shared similarities together with a more profound personal engagement. However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions, and while the facial expressions of sympathy do convey caring and concern, they do not convey shared distress. Sympathy and empathy often lead to each other, but not always. For instance, it is possible to sympathize with such things as hedgehogs and ladybirds, but not, strictly speaking, to empathize with them. Conversely, psychopaths with absolutely no sympathy for their victims can nonetheless make use of empathy to snare or torture them. Sympathy should also be distinguished from benevolence, which is a much more detached and impartial attitude.

Compassion ('suffering with') is more engaged than simple empathy, and is associated with an active desire to alleviate the suffering of its object. With empathy, I share your emotions; with compassion I not only share your emotions but also elevate them into a universal and transcending experience. Compassion, which builds upon empathy, is one of the main motivators of altruism.

You might also be interested in my related article: Does True Altruism Exist?
Neel Burton is author of Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions and other books. Find Neel on Facebook and Twitter.

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In 1909, the psychologist Edward Titchener translated the German Einfühlung ('feeling into') into English as ' empathy '. Empathy can be defined as a person's ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person, fictional character, or sentient being. It involves, first, seeing someone else's situation from his perspective, and, second, sharing his emotions, including, if any, his distress.

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As a psychiatrist and an empath, I often get asked, "What is the difference between empaths and highly sensitive people?" Following are the similarities and areas of overlap. (I also devote a section of The Empath's Survival Guide to this important distinction.)

Empaths share all the traits of what Dr. Elaine Aron has called "Highly Sensitive People," or HSPs. These include: a low threshold for stimulation; the need for alone time; sensitivity to light, sound, and smell; and an aversion to large groups. It also takes highly sensitive people longer to wind down after a busy day, since their ability to transition from high stimulation to being quiet is slower. Highly sensitive people are typically introverts, while empaths can be introverts or extroverts (although most are introverts). Empaths share a highly sensitive person's love of nature and quiet environments, their desire to help others, and their rich inner life.

However, empaths take the experience of the highly sensitive person much further: We can sense subtle energy (called shakti or prana in Eastern healing traditions) and actually absorb it from other people and different environments into our own bodies. Highly sensitive people don't typically do that. This capacity allows us to experience the energy around us, including emotions and physical sensations, in extremely deep ways. And so we energetically internalize the feelings and pain of others - and often have trouble distinguishing someone else's discomfort from our own. Also, some empaths have profound spiritual and intuitive experiences - with animals, nature, or their inner guides - which aren't usually associated with highly sensitive people.

Being a highly sensitive person and an empath are not mutually exclusive: One can be both, and many highly sensitive people are also empaths. If you think about this distinction in terms of an empathic spectrum, empaths are on the far end; highly sensitive people are a little further in; people with strong empathy who are not HSPs or empaths are in the middle; and narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths who have "empath-deficient disorders" are at the far opposite end.
The Empathic Spectrum
Narcissists Loving empathic people HSPs Empaths
___i____________________i____________________i______________i__

The gifts of sensitivity and empathy are precious. We want to keep opening our hearts and break through to new heights in the empathic spectrum. We need these gifts now more than ever.
Adapted from The Empath's Survival Guide by Judith Orloff, M.D.

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The Differences Between Highly Sensitive People and Empaths

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As a psychiatrist and an empath, I often get asked, "What is the difference between empaths and highly sensitive people?" Following are the similarities and areas of overlap. (I also devote a section of The Empath's Survival Guide to this important distinction.)

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You put others' needs first

An empathetic person places the needs of people-even animals-over his or her own. "Empathic people are often people pleasers who put other people first," says Judith Orloff, MD, author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA with a private psychotherapy practice specializing in empathy. "They want to help others and have large hearts, but they often give too much away and end up exhausted." Since you're so giving and concerned about others, you dislike people who always put themselves first.

You're an amazing listener

You like to listen rather than speak. You want to hear all the details about a situation so you can understand it completely. "You truly and actively care about others and what they're saying," says Stacey Laura Lloyd, a health and relationships writer and co-author of Is Your Job Making You Fat? How to Lose the Office 15...and More!. "It's one thing to simply hear the words of others, and it's something entirely different to internalize what others are expressing and then understand and experience their feelings, needs, and motivations." To take in what you're hearing, you listen to verbal cues and observe nonverbal ones, keeping yourself engaged in the conversation. "Being an empathetic listener means you put the speaker first and have a desire to understand what's on his mind and what he's dealing with," says Cherie Burbach, author of Art and Faith: Mixed Media Art With a Faith-Filled Message, who specializes in relationships and helping people connect. Here's what good listeners do in daily conversations.

You get drained in social settings

You don't know how to block out other people's emotions since you're so invested in those of others. And that can make you feel anxious, suffocated, and exhausted. "Empathic people often get drained by excessive stimulation and too much talking," says Dr. Orloff. "They often hate small talk, which is awkward at parties and social settings." You also avoid crowded places like sporting arenas, malls, and airports. If you're there, you can't wait to leave. You'd rather be by yourself so you don't have these overwhelming feelings. Here are tips to make small talk less painful.

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You love pets and animals

Even animals are drawn to people who are sensitive and really care about them. Empaths feel energized and soothed by animals' unconditional love, says Dr. Orloff. That's why they often have more than one pet. "In society, so many people don't really understand an empathic person's sensitivities," says Dr. Orloff. "But animals are very sensitive, and empathic people love cuddling and playing with them." In fact, she says that empaths often feel safer around animals than people. Here's how to decode your cat's behavior and here are secrets your dog knows about you.

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You always know if someone is lying

You read people easily, so you can more easily detect when someone is lying. "Being empathetic means spotting the front that people sometimes put up and trying to understand why it's there," says Burbach. You know if they're lying and their motive behind it-perhaps it's malice, ignorance, or to spare someone's feelings. It's more than just a hunch or intuition. You really know if someone is being truthful by listening to his voice and observing his body language. "Empaths can immediately sense when something feels right or if it feels off," says Dr. Orloff. Empaths then take their detection prowess a step further than others. "The true test of empathy then comes in understanding why someone is lying and not just labeling them as 'a liar' without explanation," says Burbach.

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Empathy Skills: Are You an Empathetic Person? | Reader's Digest

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An empathetic person places the needs of people-even animals-over his or her own. "Empathic people are often people pleasers who put other people first," says Judith Orloff, MD, author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life , an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA with a private psychotherapy practice specializing in empathy.

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According to emotional intelligence author, Daniel Goleman, empathy is defined as (1) understanding the emotional makeup of people and (2) treating people according to their emotional reactions. Goleman and other emotional intelligence and workplace competency researchers have consistently identified empathy as a core component of emotional intelligence and a powerful predictor of success in many professions. Empathy helps us to develop deep levels of rapport and trust.

Having poor empathy skills can lead to serious consequences. It can lead to conflict born of misunderstanding. Without it we can feel lonely within a relationship. Lack of empathy can cause companies to make catastrophic blunders that alienate their customers or employees and it can even incite violence.
The Importance of Empathy
Recent research conducted at Massachusetts General Hospital has shown solid evidence that physician empathy plays an important role in forging strong patient-physician relationships and boosting patient satisfaction as well as patients having better treatment adherence and suffering from fewer major medical errors.

Empathy is also important in the workplace. A study conducted by the Center for Creatively Leadership investigated 6,731 leaders from 38 countries. Their results reveal that empathy is positively related to job performance. The study concluded that managers who show more empathy toward direct reports are viewed as better performers in their job by their bosses.
Our Brains on Empathy
Neuroscientists have recently discovered that humans are wired to experience empathy through multiple systems of mirror neurons in our brains. These mirror neurons reflect back actions that we observe in others causing us to mimic that action in our own brains. When we observe someone in pain or when we are with someone happy, we experience that to a certain extent. These mirror neurons are the primary physiological basis of empathy. They create a neural Wi-Fi that connects us to the feelings of people around us.

Many people seem to be naturally empathetic. Others are not. The good news is that research shows that empathy can be learned. There are however a few potential roadblocks to empathy that must be overcome.
Overcoming Roadblocks to Empathy

Roadblock 1 -
Not Paying Attention

Mirror neurons kick in strongest when we observe a person's emotions. We see facial expressions, eye expressions, body position, and gestures. We may lack motivation to pay attention to a person or we may be too distracted by our own thoughts or by other things around us while we are multi-tasking.
The Solution:
Motivate yourself to be more empathetic by knowing how important empathy is to success at home and work. Put your PDA and computer away and minimize distractions. Learn about and practice active listening.

Fine tune your nonverbal observation skills. Learn about micro-expressions (small quick facial expressions) and eye reading. Daniel Goleman in his book, Social Intelligence, states that "the more sharply attentive we are, the more keenly we will sense another person's inner state."

Watch TV with the volume down and practice your nonverbal interpretation by reading what each character is feeling and talking about. This is best done with subtle dramas, not action movies.

Roadblock 2
- Feeling the emotion of the other person but not knowing how or when to communicate empathetically.
The Solution:
Increase your awareness about your own non-verbal expressions (eyes and micro-expressions). Notice what you are doing nonverbally when you are interacting with others. Ask people that you trust, to give you honest feedback about your non-verbal communication in various situations especially ones that are more emotional.

Notice with whom you have difficulty being empathetic. Examine why.

Learn more about voice tone. Listen to people who are known as empathetic leaders, teachers, friends, politicians, or even TV interviewers. Listen to how they use their voices to express empathy.

Try saying the sentence, "I'm sorry that happened to you," several different ways with various voice tones. See if you can tell which sounds most empathetic or ask someone else to give you feedback.

Recognize that there are some situations where it may be counterproductive to respond empathetically, such as when a person is sending signals that they don't want to interact with you or they don't want to share with you how they are feeling.

Roadblock 3
- Not feeling the same emotion of the other person but knowing intellectually that you need to communicate empathetically. This is known as cognitive empathy.
The Solution:
Know that you can disagree with someone and still understand what they may be feeling and why. This is especially important when someone is having a strong emotion and is asking you to do something that you can't do.

Sometimes just listening without judgment is enough to convey cognitive empathy. Communicate to the person in an authentic way that you understand what they are experiencing.
Can you fake being empathetic?
Sometimes it may be necessary to act empathetically to achieve a desired outcome even when you feel antagonistic to a person. I have trained hostage negotiators for many years. Hostage negotiators are trained to act empathetically toward the hostage taker in order to establish the rapport necessary to influence him to give up and not hurt anyone. In fact, the negotiator most likely despises a person that would hold a woman and baby as hostages. What is interesting is that after a couple of hours many negotiators actually start to feel some empathy toward the hostage taker as a result of "acting" empathetic. Most of us will never find ourselves in that position, but you may need to fake empathy to influence someone to an important end. Hopefully, you won't experience that frequently, because there is often a price to pay for being consistently inauthentic.

Empathy is one of the building blocks of social intelligence. Stress, self-absorption, and lack of time can gang up on empathy to kill it. Knowing what your empathy roadblocks are and exploring ways to overcome them can help you develop a tool that is vital to your success at home and work.

Do you believe people can increase their ability to be empathetic?

Have you increased your empathy skills or helped others to do it? How?

What impact do you believe empathy plays in the workplace?

Do you think some people are too empathetic?

I'd love to hear your comments.

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I Don't Feel Your Pain: Overcoming Roadblocks to Empathy

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According to emotional intelligence author, Daniel Goleman, empathy is defined as (1) understanding the emotional makeup of people and (2) treating people according to their emotional reactions. Goleman and other emotional intelligence and workplace competency researchers have consistently identified empathy as a core component of emotional intelligence and a powerful predictor of success in many professions.

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By Matthew T. Johnson, Elliott Johnson | June 16, 2023

Research suggests that providing everyone with money to live could reduce poverty and inequality, and help people make better life choices.

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By Matthew T. Johnson, Elliott Johnson | June 16, 2023 Research suggests that providing everyone with money to live could reduce poverty and inequality, and help people make better life choices.

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We live in a democracy, but many Americans do not vote. Turnout in presidential election years hovers around 60 percent, and it can be much lower otherwise.

What's going on? Perhaps many voters do not feel informed enough to make decisions. At first glance, it would seem that a little information is all that's needed, like simply reading up on candidate positions or quickly researching the best way to get to a polling place.

But could there be an emotional obstacle to voting?

If so, we might find answers much earlier in our lives. We've long understood that the development of social-emotional skills in early childhood can affect many aspects of our adulthood, from public health and safety to economic mobility to personal happiness. Could "non-cognitive" skills developed in early childhood, like empathy or self-control, predict civic engagement later in life? Specifically, could participation in social-emotional learning (SEL) programs at school lead to more voting after kids turn 18?

That's what John B. Holbein at Brigham Young University tried to find out. He reviewed a 20-year-old program called Fast Track. Developed in the 1990s, Fast Track was one of the earliest, and largest, programs designed to improve the life outcomes of at-risk children. Almost 900 students were recruited and randomly selected to either participate in the program or become part of a control group.

Fast Track, conducted over the span of a few years, included formal curricula, home visits, parent training groups, tutoring, and peer pairing. Students participated in an instructor-led curriculum called PATHS where they learned important SEL skills like recognizing emotions, self-control, and social problem-solving, and the other program components were designed to reinforce these skills.

Participation in the Fast Track program had just a small effect on cognitive ability. However, compared to the control group, Fast Track students showed positive changes in social and emotional skills like self-control, empathy, and self-efficacy (the sense that they could overcome challenges). Researchers didn't just see these effects immediately after the program ended. According to follow-up data collected annually for the next two decades, participants kept their social and emotional gains.

In order to understand if there was any relationship between the Fast Track program and political participation, Holbein matched Fast Track participants-now adults-with state voting records. He found that those who participated in Fast Track as children were significantly more likely to vote as adults, compared to those in the control group, by as much as 14 percent.

After considering a number of potential benefits of the Fast Track program that could have influenced political involvement (like increased educational attainment and cognitive skills or decreased participation in crime), Holbein's statistical models suggested that it was the improvement of psychological and social abilities that had the greatest impact.

Why would that be the case? Those who are able to put themselves "in someone else's shoes" may be more motivated to mobilize and vote on behalf of others. The ability to self-regulate emotions and behaviors-and display grit or perseverance-may come in handy in the stress of waiting in a three-hour-long line at the polls. In addition, developing these SEL skills can reduce the likelihood of negative life events (like teenage pregnancy or criminal activity), and those who experience events like these are much less likely to vote.

There are many reasons for educators to teach social-emotional skills-and we now might be able to add a healthy democracy to that list. Schools often find challenges to implementing such programs, including the expense of SEL curricula and the limited time they have to devote to non-academic subjects. However, given that democratic participation is a "critical mission" of the public education system, programs like these-that can directly influence political participation-may be well worth the cost.

Greater Good wants to know: Do you think this article will influence your opinions or behavior?

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We live in a democracy, but many Americans do not vote. Turnout in presidential election years hovers around 60 percent, and it can be much lower otherwise. What's going on? Perhaps many voters do not feel informed enough to make decisions.

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Bad moods are no fun; but we all get them from time to time. I sometimes feel down reading the news or forgetting to exercise; others may become moody after a setback at work or a fight with their partner.

Now, a new study published in Psychophysiology suggests that bad moods seem to impact the neural underpinnings of empathy, as well, with important implications for our relationships.

Past research has shown that our neural wiring allows us to experience what another person is feeling-something called emotional resonance, an important element of empathy. This is why we tend to get scared watching horror movies and feel happy when a loved one expresses joy.

To look at how moods might affect emotional resonance, researchers in the new study hooked up 23 students from a Chinese university to an EEG to measure brain activity and had them listen to music or to a broadcast that put them in either a good, bad, or neutral mood. Participants were then shown pictures of people going through painful or neutral experiences-such as getting a hand shut in a door versus seeing a hand closing the same door. Afterwards, they reported how much pain they thought the person in the picture felt and how painful it was for them to see these pictures.

Findings revealed that participants in a bad mood showed brain activity linked to lowered emotional resonance with people in pain than participants in a positive or neutral mood. This pattern was mirrored in how they rated their own discomfort at seeing others in pain, suggesting that someone in a bad mood might be less empathic and less motivated to help a person suffering than someone in a good mood.

According to the authors of the study, this concurs with previous studies that found people in a bad mood are less able to mirror other people's actions and facial expressions. In other words, we are less tuned to others when we're not feeling good. The study extended past research by showing us the neural underpinnings that may be responsible for this effect.

On the other hand, participants in a bad mood did not consistently make reduced ratings of another's pain in the painful scenarios. So, while our bad moods may affect automatic, unconscious empathic processes, they seem to have less impact on cognitively controlled processes-such as imagining how another person might feel.

What does this mean for our relationships? Being in a bad mood could impact our orientation toward another's suffering and our desire to alleviate it. In addition, since bad moods may be contagious, being in a bad mood could put others in a bad mood, which might impact their ability to empathize with us, as well. In just the moment when we could use some support, our ability to connect may be hindered.

How to improve your mood

This doesn't necessarily mean that we should try to avoid all bad moods-our emotions can provide us with important information about what's happening around us and give us guidance around what we might need. But, if we suffer frequently from bad moods, it could be useful to have tools available to help lift our spirits.

Here are some tools that have helped me:

1. Start with the basics, like good sleep and moderate exercise. Taking good care of our physical selves is key to experiencing good feelings.

2. Spend time outside. Research has shown that being in nature generates positive feelings, while relieving stress. Many people find that they experience awe in nature-a positive emotion that helps us be more kind and helpful to others. So, when I feel bad, taking a walk outside does double duty.

3. Practice mindfulness meditation. Though perhaps most effective when done regularly over time, research suggests that mindfulness meditation can boost positive feelings even when done in shorter durations. Though I've been a meditation skeptic, it's amazing how much it's helped me when I'm feeling down.

4. Try a little gratitude. Gratitude is easier to come by when you take the time to focus on the gifts you've been given in life-your supportive family, your health, your friends, the beauty of a sunset, food on the table. Keeping a gratitude journal or writing a gratitude letter to someone who has helped you or made your life better in some way can bring a big dose of happy feelings.

5. Reach out to your supportive social networks. I know I sometimes like to go hide in a hole when I'm feeling bad. But it never fails to amaze me how much talking to a friend can really shift my mood. We often underestimate how much we can gain from talking to others- even when we think we'd rather not. Since your emotional empathy might be compromised, you could put in a little extra effort to imagine their point of view (if the situation calls for it) to make a better connection.

6. Give to others and be generous. Practicing kindness toward others-even if they don't know it, such as when you anonymously pay for someone's coffee-can be a wonderful way to raise your mood. And research shows that giving to others makes us happier than spending on ourselves.

7. Do something creative. Though happiness seems to help us be more creative, the reverse is true, too: Doing everyday creative acts can help us feel more positive. These can be simple acts, like taking a photo of a flower, trying out a new recipe, or doing a craft. They might also involve a larger commitment, like singing in a choir, which research suggests can increase positive feelings. For me, there's nothing like singing to improve my mood.

Of course, bad moods aren't something most of us can control. And we shouldn't simply try to wipe them away and fake being happy. But, if we keep in mind that we have the power to shift our moods and maintain some emotional balance, we may be doing ourselves-and those around us-a big favor.

Greater Good wants to know: Do you think this article will influence your opinions or behavior?

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How a Bad Mood Affects Empathy in Your Brain

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Bad moods are no fun; but we all get them from time to time. I sometimes feel down reading the news or forgetting to exercise; others may become moody after a setback at work or a fight with their partner.

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Your husband was just passed over for a promotion, and he's depressed. Your friend's breast cancer has returned. As a supportive spouse and friend, you feel their pain. Growing research suggests there's a cost to all that caring.

Empathy - the ability to tune into and share another person's emotion from their perspective - plays a crucial role in bringing people together. It's the joy you feel at a friend's wedding or the pain you experience when you see someone suffering.

It's an essential ingredient for building intimacy in relationships, says Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. "When someone feels seen and heard by you," she says, "they begin to trust you."

But this seemly positive emotion can also have a downside, particularly if someone gets so consumed by another's feelings that they neglect their own feelings and needs. Stern says those who regularly prioritize others' emotions over their own are more susceptible to experiencing anxiety or low-level depression.

"When we think of empathy fatigue, we usually think about those in helping professions, like nurses, doctors, social workers - but all of us are often in the role of helpers or caretakers, whether it's caring for a sick parent, a child or a friend during a difficult time," says Jamil Zaki, an assistant professor of psychology at Stanford University. "Being supportive of those we care about is among our most cherished and important roles," Zaki says, "but it's also one that's fraught: We want to be there for someone but not lose ourselves."

In a study published last year in the journal Health Psychology, researchers looked at the effects of parental empathy on 247 pairs of parents and adolescents. Through blood tests, questionnaire responses and daily diary entries, researchers found that parental empathy was highly correlated with better psychological and physiological well-being in adolescents. The parents in the study benefited, too, with highly empathic parents reporting greater self-esteem and a deeper sense of purpose in their lives than those who reported lower levels of empathy.

But it wasn't all good news. The more empathic the parent, the researchers found, the more likely that person was to be experiencing chronic low-grade inflammation. The researchers speculate, "Parents who readily engage with the struggles and perspectives of others may leave themselves vulnerable to additional burdens, expending physiological resources in order to better help others."

Is there a healthier way to empathize?

Psychologists describe empathy in three ways: You can think it, feel it or be moved by it,Zaki says.

With cognitive empathy, you understand what someone else is thinking and feeling, as when you relate to a character in a novel or take someone's perspective during a business negotiation.

With emotional empathy, you actually put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel their emotion. This is the type of response that, left unchecked, can lead to caretaker burnout, says Zaki.

And then there's compassionate empathy, where you feel concern about another's suffering, but from more of a distance and with a desire to help the person in need.

Which perspective we take when responding to someone else's suffering can affect our own health and well-being. In an upcoming study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers assigned more than 200 college students to act as a helper to what they were told was a fellow student going through personal crisis. Each participant was asked to read a personal essay detailing the supposed student's financial struggles and stress upon becoming the primary caregiver for a younger sibling after the death of their mother.

While reading the text, a third of the volunteers were asked to think about how that person must be feeling (compassionate empathy) and a third were asked to imagine how they would feel if they were that person (emotional empathy). A control group was asked to stay detached and remain objective.

Researchers then measured the participants for various physiological markers, including hormone stress levels, heart rates and blood pressure. They found that those who put themselves in the other person's shoes had significantly higher "fight-or-flight" responses, as though they, too, were going through a stressful experience.

"Over time," lead researcher Anneke Buffone notes, "the chronic activation of the stress hormone cortisol could lead to a variety of serious health issues like cardiovascular problems, a finding that is particularly meaningful for health professionals who are confronted with others' pain and suffering daily."

But the researchers also discovered that those who were asked to react to the essay with compassion - who thought about how the other person might be feeling but didn't share the emotion - had a positive, invigorating arousal response, as if they were confronting a challenge that was achievable or offering advice that might help improve the student's situation.

"People assume that any kind of empathy is associated with positive health benefits and behaviors, but for the first time we have physical evidence that not all empathy is alike, that its positive or negative effects depend on the perspective you take," Buffone says.

"Neuroscientific research on empathy shows that if you're empathizing with a person who is in pain, anxious or depressed, your brain will show activation of very similar circuits as the brain of the person with whom you're empathizing," notes Richard Davidson, a professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin at Madison.

Compassion, on the other hand, activates a different part of the brain, areas associated with motivation and reward. So, where emotional empathy can cause pain and burnout, compassion drives you to want to help.

While it's possible to feel all three types of empathy at once, emotional empathy is often the gateway to feeling compassion, Davidson says. This doesn't mean there can't be a mix of emotions, he says, but feeling another person's pain and suffering is often a prerequisite to feeling compassion.

Psychologists say that we can learn to regulate our empathy, as we do other emotions, and even transform excessive emotional empathy into less stressful compassion. "You want to 'feel' with another person, but you don't need to stay there," Stern says.

One way to keep empathy in check is through compassionate meditation, Davidson says.

"Start by envisioning someone you know who may be in pain or may have gone through a stressful event," he says, "and then envision them being relieved of that suffering." He says it may be helpful to repeat a phrase silently in your mind, such as: May you be happy and be free of suffering.

"Encouraging the focus on the person's well-being and happiness, instead of their distress, actually shifts our brain's pathways from experiencing painful empathy to the more rewarding areas of compassion," Davidson says. "It's this process that helps us to detach from their suffering."

"Research shows that these simple exercises actually affect your actions in the real world, making you more likely to be pro-social and helpful," he says.

Transforming initial emotional empathy into compassion doesn't mean you care less about the person, Davidson says. After all, "mirroring the emotional state of another person who is suffering is not all that helpful - what kind of assistance can you provide if you're now suffering, too?"

He adds: "For the most part, people don't actually want you to feel their pain. What they want is your help and compassion."

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too much empathy. tuning in to someone else's suffering

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Being empathetic is good, but it can hurt your health

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Your husband was just passed over for a promotion, and he's depressed. Your friend's breast cancer has returned. As a supportive spouse and friend, you feel their pain. Growing research suggests there's a cost to all that caring. Empathy - the ability to tune into and share another person's emotion from their perspective - plays a crucial role in bringing people together.

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You might recall President Bill Clinton's famous quote, "I feel your pain." It suggested that he had empathy and it made him seem more human and in touch with his constituents. Did he really mean it? And, is feeling someone else's pain a good thing, or a bad thing?

Psychologist Mark Davis has suggested that there are 3 important types of empathy. The first is a purely " cognitive" form of empathy that he terms "Perspective-Taking." This is being able to see things from another's point of view. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes. It is important to better understand where someone is coming from, but it's not what we typically think of as empathy.

A second type of empathy, and one that is represented (literally) by Clinton's comment, Davis terms "Personal Distress." Personal distress is literally feeling another's emotions. When you are watching a scary movie, and you start to empathize with the hero and feel afraid, that is personal distress in action. You are actually feeling the other's emotion through a process called "emotional contagion." The actor, or another person, is actually "infecting" you with their emotion. We all experience personal distress, but too much of it may not be a good thing. Some people are so prone to feeling other's emotional states that they are battered about by the feelings and emotions of others (thus the label of "distress").

Bill Clinton didn't really mean that he felt someone's pain (i.e., vicariously felt the other's emotion). What he meant was the third type of empathy: Empathic Concern. This type is what we most often think about when we hear the term "empathy." It is the ability to recognize another's emotional state, feel in tune with that emotional state, and if it is a negative/distressful emotion, feel and show appropriate concern.

These 3 types of empathy represent different aspects of our personalities. A person high in perspective-taking may be good at understanding others' points of view, but may not get very involved in others' emotions. An individual high on personal distress will, as suggested, be prone to experience others' emotional states, which has good and not-so-good aspects.

Years ago we conducted a study with hospice nurses caring for terminally-ill patients. What we found was that possessing empathic concern was positively related to the nurses' performance, but personal distress was negatively related. We surmised that if hospice nurses felt their patients' pain (and family members' distress as well), it made them less able to do their job of providing comfort to the patient and family because they had their own emotions that they had to deal with.

In reality, we all have some level of each of the types of empathy. The key is to understand the ways that we are empathic with others, and to realize the strengths and limitations of each type of empathy.

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Are You Empathic? 3 Types of Empathy and What They Mean

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You might recall President Bill Clinton's famous quote, "I feel your pain." It suggested that he had empathy and it made him seem more human and in touch with his constituents. Did he really mean it? And, is feeling someone else's pain a good thing, or a bad thing?