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What a ride this semester has been. I began this semester thinking that it would be a fairly simple process of making minor edits and grammatical changes to my Chapters 1 - 3. Then, I was assisted in realizing that my research questions were defunct and too broad. This caused the rewrites of Chapters 1 and 3. Chapter 1 was a bit more complicated because I had to rework my own mindset in what I wanted to accomplish in this research. Once I was able to do that, Chapter 3 was much simpler than the first time. This semester pushed me to focus on the grains of sand, not the beach as a whole. It helped me to feel more comfortable that my research questions will be answered and that my dissertation will have meaning.

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Peer edit is crucial. As I wind down on submitting my Chapters 1 - 3, I have asked several people to read my paper for clarity and editorial reasons. I have also had the good fortune to read one of my colleagues. This has been a great experience in receiving feedback that the paper was well understood. It has been awesome also to be able to read another dissertation. I believe that this should be part of the 818 course.

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I am starting to worry about where I obtain copies of the various forms that I will need.  Informed consent, etc. . . I have been so focused on the overall goal of completing Chapters 1 - 3 that I have not focused on the minutia of the actual tasks at hand. I am sure that it will all fall in line, but frankly, it is just one more thing that I need to complete.

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Ok, it's official. . .this process is complicated! It is tiring and exhausting. I find myself thinking about my dissertation, interview questions, and process at all points throughout the day. I am loving every minute of it. In my educational career, I have never really felt challenged. Without sounding obnoxious, I have always been able to be successful with minimal effort. This process has finally offered me some challenges, which is so exciting!

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Years ago I learned what meta cognition was. However, I feel that this process of writing my dissertation is truly an act of meta cognition.  I find myself thinking about why I am thinking in this manner or chose to do certain things. Dr. Ken has really been asking probing questions to lead me down this road.

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This week I worked on revising my Chapter 3. The first time I worked on Chapter 3, it took me an incredible amount of time. I struggled with deciding how to answer my research questions and how to set up my study. However, this time around, it was much simpler. I am attributing this to two things. First of all, I have already done it once. Secondly, with my focused research questions, I was easier for me to wrap my head around. Thanks Dr. Ken for making me micro-focus!

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After spending over 20 months with my topic of collaborative leadership, I thought that I have looked at every angle. Now, I am taking collaboration from the perspective of a process, not a leadership style. Then, how the system needs to work together for healthy relationships to foster a collaborative environment. This new perspective best meets my own personal thoughts and I feel that I have a better road ahead now with my study. I am finally comfortable with my research questions. That was not always the case, which is why I believe I struggled so much with parts of Chapter 1 and all of Chapter 3.

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After a great conversation with Dr. Ken, I realized why I was struggling so much with my Chapter 3.  I have not clearly identified my research problem or my research questions.  I truly appreciate Dr. Ken's honest and thoughtful feedback. However, I am a bit disappointed that up to this point, no one has has this same discovery. I was trucking along thinking that I was great . I am grateful for his insight so that I can ensure my research study has some meaning in educational leadership. I need to really focus more in depth on what I am concerned about and how I am going to address these through research questions. Back to the drawing board. . . .

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I have two main thought processes right now. . .

1. As I  begin to consider the methodology of my research, I keep tweaking it . Every time I change one aspect, this means that a considerable amount of work has to be done.  I have to read and reread Chapter 3 to ensure that I have updated each section with my alteration.  It  may sound silly, but although the idea is an improvement, I consider not even changing it because  I am concerned that I am not going to update all of the sections.  Plus, since I have read it over so many times, I almost find myself skimming it, not actually reading it.  It is a strange phenomenon to read and reread my own words and thoughts so many times.

2. This week, our Green Team reconnected.  I have been in touch with Scott frequently, but this week the entire team got back together.  I have felt a bit stressed over the past two semester, but I realized that this was a normal feeling because everyone was experiencing the same type of feelings.  We each noted several times how important it is to have a support system of people that understand this journey.  My friends, family, and colleagues have been fantastic with their level of support and understanding.  However, they truly do not understand the process.  I would suggest to Drexel that they have teams established, by choice, after a semester or two.  They should meet on a regular basis because the support is necessary, but unless it is an actual requirement, we each can devise a reason that we cannot meet.  Some doctoral candidates may be frustrated with this in the beginning, but they will quickly understand the need!

3. Current stress:  Colleagues are considering hiring various data or statistical companies to assist them with the completion of their research. It seems to be extremely costly.  Are these investments worth it?  I may be arrogant or foolish, but I would really prefer to delve into the data on my own.

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In Reading Roberts (2010), each of the six essentials resonates with me. However, there is one that most closely matches my own personality.  During this process, there have been several speed bumps along the way.  In working with my advisor last summer in choosing a concentration, we had it all worked out that I would focus on one area but not have to redo my internship hours since I already have my Letter of Eligibility for Superintendent.  Well, over a week into the course, I was contacted saying that the advisor was incorrect in her guidance.  I would have to switch concentrations immediately, drop the current course and then sign up for the new course.  And this had to be done through that particular phone call.  Well, I had a choice to make.  I could either be grumpy and miserable about the recent miscommunication or I could take it as an opportunity to explore my own flexibility.  I had a quick discussion and quickly changed my focus.  Although I was more than a week behind, I took it as a challenge to ensure that I was on par with the other students in the course.  Having a positive mental attitude allowed me to quickly move on and continue this process of receiving my doctorate.

Then, last week, I was told that my supervisory professor for this process is resigning from Drexel and I will be assigned a new professor late summer.  As we all have, I have been working closely with this professor on his vision and feedback.  Although I am concerned that the new professor may send me down a different avenue, I am excited to have another person mentoring me.  I am fortunate enough to have two different professors reviewing my work.  This should give me more experience as I go into the proposal and defense stages.  I could have been sour that yet another speed bump is in front of me.  I have found through this process and life in general, there is a silver lining to every experience.  Receiving my doctoral degree is extremely important to me.  That importance trumps any stress that it may cause.  This is self-inflicted (as my family expresses) choice that I can only be positive about.  I truly believe that through all of the course work, revisions, more revisions, and then some more revisions, we each must stay positive and focused on our goal.