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Daniel.B

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Daniel

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william

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by Ben

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By Moa

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By: Hannah Kodat

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Jana Boleda Pellicer

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please change your font!!!!!!!!!!! I can't read your story.@MP

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if trump fan do not read this!

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Jana Boleda Pellicer

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@MP NEW AND UPDATED VERSION.

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your new story is great and this time i was  not scared and you yousd allot of show not tell

by: @VG

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The Dying Light

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@DB

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who said it has no face @ WH

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JONAS i lake your story
very good

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Very nice story but CHECK YOUR PUNCTUATION!!!
@JBP

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Very nice story but CHECK YOUR

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Very nice story but CHECK

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Your story is really good. But maybe you could describe steal things a bit more by maybe saying brake into stores or something like that. SB

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From Daniel.b
Maybe in the beginning you can check a bit your punctuation.
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!

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you spelled lease and saw incorrect

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Very good story but is his name Peter or Petier. @HK

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by Cori

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it was really good and i think that you did a super jod of show not tell and it was very funny ;)

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Very good story but you could describe your characters more like were they brave,short or had muscles?
@MP

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Who ever wrote this A. Needs to put their name on it. B. It was very good for not being finished and C.Maybe you could use less ( ) and put them into sentences. @HK

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Maybe next time you can tell a bit more about the aliens and there place.
by Jasmijn

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Look out for full stops in the first page and try to put a few more pictures to make the story more interesting.
You can describe the scene a bit more like saying "he had a mug saying world's best boss and he looked something like this"
@JBP

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I liked your story but maybe you should use the same font for everything cuz it looks a little mesy.@MW

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by Taimour. Your story was awesome but instead of saying there were red blood you should've said there WAS red blood .BTW its people who HAVE not has went in.

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I liked your story but look at the lay out for the chapter 4 thing. Also try to put pictures that define your writing more clearly.
@JBP

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william hirst

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Signe B

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From Aimee, I really like your description because I have a really clear vision of the characters and especially the monster.

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Super scary story but you should cut the blood and terror and try to make it less gruesome basically.

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I liked your story very much. Like the part about Michael Jordan it was very funny. Check your VCOP and especially spelling and grammar. Try to see if it is past tense or present tense.
@JBP

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Really good updated story Kiki but the ending was sort of bizarre I mean wasn't the story supposed to be about larry?@MP

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Kiara Madeleine Speyer

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I liked your story especially how you described her. But You give more detail about when she gets kidnapped. Like she was terrified with fear and frozen like ice.
@JBP

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Great start to your story. In one part in the start it says the day went on the day were boring....
Was is supposed to be like that?
I didn't really understand. SB

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by angus willis

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by Alice

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Yes,this was a very depressing story but you could have made it longer and less gruesome.

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not finished version Daniel.B

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by victor
i love your story because your story was sad and really happy nice jod
@VG

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by victor
your story is great and i like how you were in detail and you shod show not tell.@VG

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Very very scary story but next time you could make it have some ! instead of a bunch of periods.@HK

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A short depressing story made by Taimour...

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Your story was good but you can use better words like instead of saying "They were super scared" you could have said "They were shocked at what they saw". @MP

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You spelling could use some fixing up. Like professor isn't spelled prophesier. @KMS

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In the beginning it says two instead of to. Two is the number 2. Next time you could try and not change the font every page it got really distracting.@HK

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I liked the story but you might want to put in more periods JR

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by victor
i loved your story but it can be moor detailed like how was the characters feeling  and nice jod yousing show not tell.@VG

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In the sentence, They could od been killed. You put od instead of of. Everything else was really good! SB

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Very good, but while you are finishing it you could go back and VCOP your work like when Jen watched it has an uppercase letter for watched so you could go and fix it.@HK

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I did not understand your story because you said her bunny returned then in the next paragraph you said the bunny almost got hit by a car. Did the bunny escape again?@MP

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by victor
you could of have add a bit moor funny words like gllod in you story for the aliens on mars . @VG

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I liked the SNT in the story. I had nightmares that night.@JR

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By Moa
The only thing is at one part it sais I insted of in.

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Very good writing and advanced words. Really good.@HK

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Good story, but at the part when you Max said,"Yeeeee No." He said suddenly when his boss came in. Max blushed. I didn't get it.@HK

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Very good story next time you could add on to it because it just kinda ends with an adventure, no big ending. Is it over any way.@HK

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I liked the story but you could have improved the grammer- check the tenses
JR

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The story is an exclusive but some parts didn't really make sense. The parts that don't make sense are mostly descriptions and you forget some punctuation in some parts of the story. The punctuation that you forget is mostly commas. @KMS

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By Moa
It was a really good and scary story. The thing I think you can improve is when you are naming a color of something maybe instead of saying black you could say blacker then black.

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I really liked your story and it was super scary. I don't have anything to tell you about next time.@HK

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I like your story
very good

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For Cori
maybe you can make the beginning more clear because the first few lines I did not understand.

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Cori, very good story but there was a part I did not understand (about the man going out the door).

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Aimee, really good story but add a little more action to make it exciting. You spelled "steeling" wrong it's stealing

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I like the story but you could have put in more SNT of the graveyard part. JR