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Question #2: How do we begin this conversation?  Is there an appropriate age?

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Question #2: How do we begin this conversation?  Is there an appropriate age?

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"What matters is never that they ask, and always how we answer."

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Jackie Morgan MacDougall's young sons came to visit her at the office this time last year, and it turned into a "teaching moment" - one that MacDougall, who writes the blog The Silver Whining, may or may not have handled particularly well.

While being introduced to one of his mother's coworkers, MacDougall's younger son said, very loudly in an otherwise quiet room, "Mommy, why is her face brown?"

It has happened to every parent. A young child notices someone who is different than they are, or different from anyone else they have seen, or maybe is just like people they see all the time but this is the first they've wondered why, or maybe isn't all that different at all but the youngster is trying out a child's need to categorize.

One of my nieces, I recall, became fascinated by the idea of "ugly" - probably after reading about Cinderella's stepsisters. Toddlers have no volume button and she would loudly ask my sister, "Is that lady ugly?" randomly and in very public places.

What matters is never that they ask, and always how we answer. MacDougall described her response to her son over at momlogic.com, in a piece titled "How My 3 1/2 Year Old Taught Me Race Relations."

I was completely mortified. What was I doing wrong that he would he say something like that? Aren't we all supposed to be colorblind and not notice the differences in people? But as soon as I got over myself, I quickly realized that his asking about her skin was no different from him pointing out I have blue eyes, and not hazel like his or why I have "dots" (a.k.a. freckles) on my arms.

I asked my coworker to field the question because I was interested in hearing how she'd like it answered. She explained to him that people come in all colors and her skin is just darker than his. He waited a beat - thought about what she said - and then asked if we could watch "Toy Story 2″ for the 10-thousandth time.

MacDougall's post sat quietly over on momlogic for months until, as happens on the internet, one blog happened to mention it a few weeks ago, then another blogger linked to that second one, and traffic suddenly grew. On momlogic, and on the sites such as The Anti-Racist Parent, which describes itself as "a blog for parents who are committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook," those who read MacDougall's piece had questions.

First, they wondered, why has a three-and-a-half-year-old never seen a person of color before?

In MacDougall's defense, she does not say whether this is her son's first encounter with someone African-American, and it certainly was not his first encounter with someone of another race, because her blog is largely about raising two biological sons and a daughter adopted from Taiwan.

Second, they asked, why did MacDougall lob the question to her coworker rather than answering it herself?

What I assumed from MacDougall's piece (projecting from my own experiences over the years, I realize) is that she didn't answer herself because she was concerned she would somehow offend her colleague - who she worried was already offended and uncomfortable. But, readers point out, making the woman into the spokesman for her entire race, was hardly polite either.

Wrote Robin, on momlogic.com:

If my son said something like that, I'd give an answer similar to what your coworker said, but I wouldn't expect or ask my coworker to answer. Doing so is treating your coworker as if she has an obligation to educate people, and also as some sort of interesting spectacle who should explain herself. If you were interested in hearing how she would answer, you DON'T place her on the spot by asking her to field the question; you answer the question yourself and then approach her later, in private, to ask if there's anything else she would have liked you to say. (And do it with sincerity and willingness to learn, not because you're hoping for a good-white-person cookie for being non-racist enough to ask a PoC for her opinion.)

And finally, they argued, why does MacDougall operate from the assumption that we are "all supposed to be colorblind and not notice differences in people?"

In an essay on AntiRacistparent.com, editor Tami Winfrey Harris writes:

Noticing race is not the problem in our society, the problem is the judgments and biases that occur when people encounter people of other races.

Still, many a parent's approach to anti-racism involves encouraging children to ignore benign racial differences. "Shhhhhh...that lady over there is black, but let's pretend we don't notice." This not-uncommon approach leaves children with the impression that there is something wrong with being a race other than white.

On both these sites, commenters offer their thoughts on what MacDougall could have said.

On The Anti-Racist Parent, Anne suggests:

How about, "Yes, Mary does have brown skin. I think it's beautiful. People with brown skin have more melanin than people with white skin. Many people with brown skin have ancestors that came from Africa, were the hot sun would burn their skin if they didn't have the melanin to protect them."

Kids aren't looking for a treatise on race relations. Kids are looking for facts.

There are also links to children's books on the subject, including The Skin You Live In, by Michael Tyler and I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World, by Marquerite Wright.

What have you taught your children about race? About differences between people? Are there books or advice you've found particularly helpful? Share your thoughts below.

From Lisa Belkin: Updated to more accurately explain the timing of events.

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Jackie Morgan MacDougall's young sons came to visit her at the office this time last year, and it turned into a "teaching moment" - one that MacDougall, who writes the blog The Silver Whining, may or may not have handled particularly well.

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--My point in asking this is, as a team, the job at hand is to work together towards a common goal.

View, "I think we all need a pep talk" by Kid President (found in Padlet).

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"Every rock tells a story about how it formed, the environment where it has
been, and what it has experienced..."

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"Every rock tells a story about how it formed, the environment where it has
been, and what it has experienced..."

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--Padlet background explanation

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"Peace begins with a smile. (Mother Teresa) Smiling is a simple act, but sometimes takes a lot of effort. A smile can cause boundaries to melt, hearts to warm up, and distances to reduce."

I loved this picture because of its simplicity. No matter what we look like or where we come from, a smile is universal.

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This is one of my favorite quotes. We have come so far, but we still have quite a bit of progress to make on the "unity front."

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Kid President: I think we all need a pep talk

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Kid President: I think we all need a pep talk

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"And if life is a game, aren't we all on the same team?"

Kid President's executive order is for us to "treat everybody like it's their birthday," every single day.

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Kid President commands you to wake up, listen to the beating of your heart and create something that will make the world awesome. This video from SoulPancake delivers a soul-stirring dose of inspiration that only a 9-year-old can give.

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Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

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Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

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"We all know that people are the same wherever you go;
There is good and bad in everyone..."

This video was shown to me in a previous education course. In this video, you will notice Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder are playing the piano. On a piano, you will find black and white keys. How beautiful is it that these black and white keys, together in one place, can create such a beautiful thing?

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Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

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"Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set..."

I could not make this Padlet and not include this song. Another one of my personal favorites, Lady Gaga has written a song with a HUGE message about being comfortable in your skin and loving yourself

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"I've seen the bright get duller;
I'm not going to spend my life being a color..."

I included this song in my Padlet because this song has a powerful message; WE are more than a color and we need to come together.

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Michael Jackson - Black Or White (Official Video - Shortened Version)

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"You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I"m not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us,
and the world will live as one..."

John Lennon, a member of the Beatles, was a fierce proponent of world peace.  I incorporated this song in my Padlet because of his beautiful message of peace.

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In "The Sneetches" by Dr. Seuss, some Sneetches have green stars on their bellies, while others do not. When Sylvester McMonkey McBean comes to town, he offers to sell green stars to those who do not have them or take them off of the ones who do. Eventually, the Sneetches come to question, & then eventually celebrate, their differences.

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Dr  Seuss' The Sneetches   Full Version   YouTube

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In "Mr. Lincoln's Way" by Patricia Polacco, Mr. Lincoln is a school principal who is determined to reach the school bully, "Mean Gene."  "Mean Gene" has made a reputation for himself around the school, not to mention has name for everyone that is different from him.  Mr. Lincoln reaches out to Eugene in an unexpected way and Eugene eventually walks away with a life lesson he will never forget.

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Mr. Lincoln's Way by Patricia Polacco.  Grandma Annii's Storytime

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In "Skin Again" by Bell Hooks, "skin" is the subject of this thought provoking book.  The author challenges the reader to look past a person's skin color and instead, get to know a person for who they are and where they come from.

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Skin Again by Bell Hooks (Read Aloud Story Book for Children)

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Buy The Book: http://amzn.to/1QsYHkI About Book: The skin I'm in is just a covering. It cannot tell my story. If you want to know who I am you have got to come inside and open your heart way wide. Celebrating all that makes us unique and different, Skin Again offers new ways to talk about race and identity.

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"Diversity is our unfinished business because what we cannot acknowledge, we cannot address. If we can't address it, we don't make the progress that we need to make..."

Dr. Marilyn Sanders Mobley is one of my favorite educational speakers; she does not mince words and often provides various outlooks and "food for thought" to educators.  In this TEDxCLE talk, Dr. Sanders Mobley discusses diversity/inclusion and their various degrees.

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National Association of Diversity Officers in Higher Education

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Cuyahoga County Public Library Foundation

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Breakthrough Charter Schools Diversity Committee

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The Paradox of Diversity: Dr. Marylin Sanders Mobley at TEDxCLE 2013

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Appointed in 2009 as the inaugural Vice President for Inclusion, Diversity and Equal Opportunity at Case Western Reserve University, Marilyn Sanders Mobley, PhD, provides strategic leadership for the university-wide effort to develop and sustain a welcoming environment for faculty, students, staff, and alumni.

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Where is the love? by Black Eyed Peas ft. the world

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Where is the love? by Black Eyed Peas ft. the world

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"But if you only got love for your own race,
then you're gonna leave space for others to discriminate.
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate, then you're bound to get irate..."

This song will forever be one of my favorites because of its message.  It's real, it's raw, and the updated version (seen here) had me watching it multiple times.  It left me wanting to hug our world and ask the question: "How did we get here?"

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The Black Eyed Peas - #WHERESTHELOVE ft. The World (Video)

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A Look at Race Relations through a Child's Eyes

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A Look at Race Relations through a Child's Eyes

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CNN Correspondent Anderson Cooper teams up with three schools in the United States whose demographics differ from each other. One school is all white; another is all black; and the last school is a mixture of various backgrounds.  In "A Look at Race Relations through a Child's Eyes," Anderson Cooper sheds light on how these demographics play a significant role in how children view race.

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A Look at Race Relations through a Child's Eyes

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Anderson Cooper details a study that seeks to gain insight into the way black and white children perceive each other.

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Nelson Mandela once served as President of South Africa. Mandela, who has since passed, is remembered as an activist and played a key role in ending apartheid. Apartheid (in regards to South Africa) is "a policy or system of segregation or discrimination on grounds of race."