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Helping Scholars Regulate through Co-Regulation

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Helping Scholars Regulate through Co-Regulation

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Many in the educational system-students and educators alike-are dealing with high levels of stress. This can make what might otherwise be expected moments of challenge, conflict, and dysregulation even more difficult to handle. These moments are both a symptom of and a way to communicate that increased stress.

When we as educators are carrying the heavy load of our own stress, and feel frustrated, helpless, or even threatened (physically and emotionally) by student behaviors, it can feel like the only way to respond is punitively, or by becoming overly restrictive.

But there is another (and more effective) way to respond to these challenges-with co-regulatory and restorative practices.

A Different Approach to Classroom Management

In classrooms that are physically and emotionally safe spaces, students are empowered to be their best selves and do their best learning. We often talk about these skills as our classroom management chops-how well we stay "in control" of our classrooms.

While this looks different for every teacher and in every classroom, educators face the same challenges, including what to do when things seem "out of control."

How do we react when students don't follow directions?

What moves do we make when the class is noisy and unfocused?

What do we do when getting through a lesson feels impossible?

While it might feel counterintuitive in the moment, the best way we can create classrooms conducive to learning is not to demand compliance, but to lean into attuned, responsive relationships that empower students to own their learning and be accountable to their community.

Responding effectively to conflict and challenging student behavior is paramount to creating a safe, belonging-filled environment where great learning happens. Taking a co-regulatory and restorative approach means responding to these instances in ways that set students up to navigate these predictable, developmental experiences-managing and expressing themselves, taking and asking for accountability, and getting the support they need.

Co-regulatory and restorative practices empower both individuals and the school community to address root causes (rather than just the symptoms) of issues while building and maintaining trust and relationships.

What Is Co-Regulation and What Does it Look Like in the Classroom?

Co-regulation is the interactive process of regulatory support between a caring adult and a child. Unlike self-regulation, this requires adults to actively provide the environment and the scaffolds for a child to successfully meet their needs and achieve their goals.

This type of support begins in infancy, when adults are responsible for regulating most everything for that child-their patterns of eating and sleeping, their mood and emotions, etc. Co-regulation can be seen on a physical level, as infants' heart rates and breathing sync up with their caregivers during times of co-regulatory support.

As children grow and develop skills, co-regulation looks different, but is still incredibly important.

Co-regulating practices in the classroom set up students of all ages to develop and practice self-regulation. This can look like:

Being highly attuned and responsive to students' holistic needs - proactively and in the moment

Providing scaffolds for things like attention, emotion management, and executive functions

Modeling and matching the type of engagement and energy required for students to participate in the learning and meet their goals

Keeping students physically and emotionally safe, which turns down the "fight, flight, or freeze" brain and allows the "open, engaged, learning" brain

To set students up to be engaged and productive learners, educators have to understand the difference between striving for control vs. co-regulation.

When things are challenging, educators might be tempted to fall back on compliance-driven classroom management, because it feels like the only way to regain control over the situation. The consequences of striving for compliance are clear: Students are not given autonomy and ownership over their classroom community, they are not developing their own self-regulation skills, and trust and relationships are often damaged.

Instead, co-regulating practices provide predictable and consistent structure students can rely on, with adults who are attuned and responsive to students' needs in the moment, and models and matches the level of engagement and energy required for students to meet their goals.

Strategies for Creating a Co-regulating Classroom

Educators can hone their co-regulatory supports for students by identifying their own "temperature boosters," reflecting on challenging student interactions, and planning to incorporate co-regulating moves into their practice.

Here are some co-regulation moves that educators can implement in their classroom.

Set the scene: Adjust the physical, auditory and visual classroom environment to work for students' regulation
Example: Using lighting as a cue-dimmer to bring the energy down, brighter to bring the energy up

Match volume and tone: Use volume and tone to model how students should engage
Example: When a situation is escalating, keeping a quiet or moderate volume with a serious, calm, steady tone

Check your physical presence: Pay attention to how your physical presence, including body language, proximity and eye contact, affects students
Example: Getting on students' eye level to balance power

Use reflecting language: Name and validate students' experience and emotions
Example: Naming the emotions students express as a way to show you are listening to or seeing them

Prompt strategies and choices: Support students' use of skills in the moment, while giving autonomy
Example: Remind students of available supports or strategies, when they might not be at their best

Discover more examples of co-regulation strategies in the Co-Regulating Cues Workbook.

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What Is Co-Regulation and What Does It Look Like in the Classroom? - Turnaround for Children

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Many in the educational system-students and educators alike-are dealing with high levels of stress. This can make what might otherwise be expected moments of challenge, conflict, and dysregulation even more difficult to handle. These moments are both a symptom of and a way to communicate that increased stress.

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I frequently hear teachers and school faculty talking about how their students lack responsibility. They wonder how to convey to students the importance of this lifelong skill. I use the word skill instead of trait because when we think of things like respect or responsibility or perseverance when related to a character trait, we're saying you've got it or you don't. By framing it for ourselves, other educators, and students as a skill, we're showing that it's something we can absolutely become better at if we understand it and practice it often.

We see the importance of teaching kids responsibility skills in many different ways. It may look like frequently asking about due dates, struggling to complete homework, or lack of class participation, etc. It's important to remember that kids don't want a lecture. That's why it's crucial to incorporate student voices when we talk about responsibility. We also find ways for students to see how being responsible helps them (not just grownups). Students then see responsibility as a valuable skill that can help them be the best version of themselves.

One of my favorite PD books is Relationship, Responsibility, and Regulation by Kristin Van Marter Souers and Pete Hall. It helped me to reframe and redefine some of my ideas about responsibility. In this book, the authors believed that feeling capable was crucial to acting responsibly. They further defined responsibility as including positive self-concept, sense of efficacy (effort optimism - believing if they put forth the effort, they will have success), sense of capability and competence, belief in control over one's success, self-reliance, ability to plan and problem solve and organize information, and ability to pause and think before responding.

Using this definition of responsibility we need to provide them with lots of opportunities to experience success. Only then can we begin to help our students become more responsible

We need to show them their strengths and point out when their actions lead to positive outcomes. And of course, we need to teach them explicitly about responsibility!

Emphasize WHY Responsibility is Important:

Students should walk away with a good understanding of what makes showing responsibility important and valuable to themselves and the community. If students can see the value here, they will be more likely to have the motivation necessary to show responsibility consistently. Below are a few reasons I like to provide:

Everyone doing their part is what a community is all about. For communities like the ones at school or home to thrive, each person is depended on to do their part to create a safe, welcoming, and thriving environment. Jobs according to each community members' strengths are divided among all members so that all expectations and goals for the group are met. Generally, communities that have members who are responsible for the collective success rather than one or a few members who have the responsibilities are more enjoyable to participate in.

People are able to achieve more when they possess and practice strong responsibility skills. In order to meet goals, you must take aligned action. Without taking action you can't make you. Responsibility comes in when you must make plans for and take the action steps necessary to meet those goals. If students can see the connection between practicing responsibility to take action and meeting their goals, then they will most likely see the benefits of being responsible.

We need to understand what is in our control and what is out of our control. It is important for students to see that sometimes, they do not have control over things that happen to them or around them. They need to be able to decipher between what they can make choices about and what is simply beyond their realm of control. In this previous post about problems inside or outside your control, I walk you through how I use the book Alexander and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to discuss problems in and out of our control. Students see that some problems can be avoided or changed by making different choices. Other problems cannot be changed and we do not have control over them.

Show Students the Different Elements of Responsibility at School

1. Connect their choices with consequences.

This shows children how much power and control they have in a given situation and creates empowered students who know they are in control of how situations go many times. Since they are children, they will not always be in control, so when possible, it is important for teachers, parents, and other adults in the child's life to allow freedom of choice when possible. This in turn will give the child a major confidence boost!

Allowing children the freedom to make their own choices also helps kids see that our actions can have positive or negative consequences. Many students need help to see that the choices they make are connected to consequences, so I created a lesson that shows students various situations where they would need to make choices.

For primary grades, it is important to introduce responsible decision-making skills. This 3 part interactive lesson for lower elementary helps students understand and connect choices and consequences, make helpful decisions at school, and recognize dysregulation, use a calming skill, then make a helpful choice. It also includes differentiated activities and worksheets to help students practice these skills.

In this upper elementary Choices and Consequences Lesson, students were able to recognize the impact of their choices and become more responsible decision-makers. I paired it with a Kid President video, but you could also look at a Chutes and Ladders game board as a hook to scaffold or preview the concept!

2. Whose job is it?

Students are in the unique position of being only partially responsible (and having only partial control) over many things in their lives. They share responsibilities with parents, teachers, and other adults in their lives. We need to be explicit with them about which bits and pieces are their responsibility.

Many times students will say, "My mom forgot to sign that!" or "You didn't tell me to do that!" Teachers frequently find themselves giving constant reminders and repeating themselves in an effort to get students to remember to even take responsibility.

In this previous blog post, I explain my lesson "Whose Job Is It?" which teaches how students can decipher whose jobs are whose. Students were given important school tasks like learning reading skills, being on time and present at school, and completing homework. Then students must decide what jobs are the teachers, parents, or students for each school task. Students were able to see that much of the responsibility fell to them, but other jobs were up to the adults. It helped them see that there are many jobs that a student should have when completing those school tasks. They were made aware of the things that they could have control over when it comes to school and places where they may have been relying too much on the adults.

3. Take responsibility for your actions.

We need to understand that everyone makes mistakes. But the important thing is that we acknowledge them and learn from them. When you know better, then you can do better. This is such a good skill to model for students. Even as teachers and counselors we make mistakes. Next time you make one, talk to students about how you learned from it! They love hearing real-world examples from grown-ups!

Help students to identify what to say to take responsibility for their actions. Students need a clear understanding of how to take responsibility for a mistake. Model good apologies when mistakes involve others. Apologies should have 3 parts: the "I'm sorry," the reason why you are sorry, and a resolution like "I won't make that mistake again."

Students should also understand what NOT to say in these situations. They should not blame others for their own mistakes or completely ignore that a mistake has been made.

Help students practice figuring out what to do after they've made a mistake to make it better. Teachers and counselors can guide students to the right words to use when taking ownership and responsibility by asking questions like:

What happened?

How did that make you feel?

What was your brain saying?

What was the hardest part for you?

Who else was affected?

What do you think you can do to make this better?

Now, not everything can be made 100% better, especially if there was an injury or unkind words used, but you should always try your best.

4. Be a problem solver.

Children need guidance on how to solve problems independently. Discuss different possible solutions to common problems with students. If they don't have a pencil, they can go to the jar of new pencils in the classroom. Lost homework? Ask for a new copy to do over. If they want to use the swing at recess? They could ask whoever is on it that they get a chance to swing.

Many times children just need some general ideas of how to solve problems. An easy class activity is to have students generate common problems and write on notecards and discuss solutions as a class. You could also create cards with given solutions to common problems that students can then match to the problem.

Here is a previous blog post and lesson on teaching problem solving and taking responsibility. Students already learned about problems inside and outside of their control. So, next, we read the book But It's Not My Fault! and discussed taking ownership of their own problems. We had a "snowball" fight where students wrote common problems on sheets of scrap paper and threw them(safely) across the room. After all the "snowballs" were thrown, students opened one that landed near them, read the problem, and wrote a good solution to their problem. I only recommend the snowball fight if students have had some practice generating solutions to problems. Otherwise, a matching activity works best here.

Looking for More?

Take a look at this previous blog post about restorative practices. Restorative practices are a mindset, a set of beliefs about why people choose positive behavior and the power of relationships. Restorative practices are also a set of strategies schools can use. These practices are to help repair harm and build and repair relationships.

I hope you got some valuable information and reminders that you can bring back to your school or home. Hopefully you can use them to teach children about taking responsibility and brushing up on their responsibility skills.

How do you go about teaching students about responsibility? How do you and your school faculty model responsibility skills? What other ways do you enjoy teaching about taking responsibility?

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Teaching Responsibility to Students - The Responsive Counselor

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I frequently hear teachers talking about how their students lack responsibility. Teaching responsibility to students is tricky, but here's how I do it.

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Self-regulation skills are one of the biggest keys for success for students in the classroom. These are some of the skills that help students focus during lessons, wait their turn to share in group activities, transition to a new task when time is up, and start tasks right away. Self-regulation skills are extraordinarily important in the classroom, especially as we continue to place more and more demands on children and teens.

What is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation can be defined as the ability to manage our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. This means regulating our emotions by staying calm in times of stress. It also means regulating our behaviors by making positive choices even in times when we really want to do something else (raise our hand instead of shout out).

The good news is that research tells us that self-regulation skills are malleable. They can be modeled, practiced, and improved over time (Tominey & McClelland, 2011).

Here are 15+ self-regulation practices for the classroom to help support and shape these skills over time:

1. Think Alouds

Developing an inner-voice is one of the backbones to strong self-regulation skills. By expressing our inner thoughts out loud, we can convey our strategies and techniques to learners.

For example, before a transition, an adult might say, "I know that we're going to switch from art to reading in just a few minutes. How can I get ready for that? I'm going to start putting my art materials away. Even if I'm not done, I'm going to put them away until a later time."

The best part is that think alouds work with all skills and subjects, from academic content like math or reading to social skills.

2. Teaching and Practicing Coping Skills

In order to make the best decisions, we need to be calm. In order to be calm, we need to know how to get calm. Adding one more layer to this, we need to know how to get calm in times of stress. That's why teaching and practicing coping skills is paramount. The truth is that many learners come into the classrooms without these skills as strong as they need to be; therefore, we must make time to teach and practice them together.

Some coping skills to try with learners include:

3. Brain Breaks

Breaks are essential to success. A brain break is a short pause between tasks. These pauses end up helping learners replenish valuable self-regulation skills they need for more challenging tasks. Some ideas for brain breaks include:

Have a student lead the class in exercises and stretches.

Play calming music and color mindfully.

Practice mindfulness with activities like mindful breathing or mindfulness 5-4-3-2-1.

Listen to music and take a dance break.

4. Creating a Class Schedule

Developing a daily class schedule provides structure and routine into every day from the start. Create a predictable schedule for students and post it where they can view it.

This isn't to say the schedule can't ever change - it will sometimes and that's okay! What's important is to discuss and preview those changes when you can.

5. Providing an Emotion Check-In

Managing emotions is a big part of self-regulation skills. When we understand our feelings and cope with them effectively, we free up emotional space for working through other challenges.

Support emotional self-regulation by providing a daily emotions check-in. Students can start with a daily emotions check-in worksheet to assess how they're feeling and what they might need to feel their best for the rest of the day. Use this free emotions check-in to get started.

It's also important to not just acknowledge these emotions, but validate them. Kids and teens need to know it is okay to feel however they feel.

If you need something more, use a daily emotions check-in that teaches social-emotional skills at the very same time. The journal pages also incorporate mindfulness and positive self-talk, giving an incredible start to every morning.

6. Practicing Transitions

Transitions are the time between important tasks. The shorter and smoother the transitions go, the more time we can spend learning. With that, transitions need to be practiced often (not just at the beginning of the year). Some strategies for making it more fun to practice transitions include:

Set a timer and try to beat the clock.

Transition "like a robot" and acting like a robot as you move.

Play music.

7. Developing Routines

Routines turn multi-step directions into habits for students. Consider what multi-step activities should have routines in your classroom. These may include coming in the classroom in the morning, starting morning work, turning homework in, finding homework if a student was out, getting with a group, and transitioning from one task to another.

8. Problem-Solving Together

Kids and teens encounter problems every day. By problem-solving together, we can help guide and support them to make good decisions along the way. The key here is to problem-solve together, not for them.

For example, if a student feels upset when they can't solve a math problem, we might ask: What is the problem? How big is that problem (from 1-5)? What strategies could you try? What do you think will work best?

Use these free problem-solving scenarios to practice these skills with your learners ahead of time.

9. Preparing for Transitions

Preparing for transitions helps give students a warning that they will be changing activities. This is helpful for all students, but especially those who struggle with time management or time-blindness.

Use strategies to help prepare for transitions. Some ideas include:

Using a visual timer to count down the transition time.

Use a bell or chime and give a 5-minute warning prior to transition.

Sing a song for transition.

10. Schedule Organization Time

Schedule daily and weekly organization time right into the day. Use this time to tidy up desks, backpacks, binders, and classroom supplies. It's important for learners to see that organization is a long-term activity, not something you do once and you're done!

11. Morning Meeting

Morning meeting is a semi-structured time each day that helps build relationships, review expectations, and teach meaningful skills. There are many reasons to believe that every class should have a morning meeting. Not only is this a structured and predictable way to start each morning (which helps build self-regulation on its own) but is also the perfect place to teach about self-regulation skills too.

For example, you might lead daily morning meetings focused on being responsible, routines for success, calming strategies, thinking before speaking, self-control, and staying organized. All of these skills are rooted in self-regulation and they can be directly taught in a morning meeting. Use these daily morning meeting cards and slides if you want to give it a try.

12. Using Games

Games can be an engaging and fun way to build self-regulation skills. You can play these games as a "break" after challenging tasks or even a reward at the end of the week. Some favorite self-regulation games to try:

Jenga - As kids remove blocks, they have to be patient, thoughtful, and use self-control.

Blurt - A vocabulary game, you can practice self-regulation skills by having two students battle each other, while others must remain silent. That winner will go on to the next student around the room and so on.

Simon Says - Focus on attention and self-regulation skills by listening to what Simon says to do.

Self-Control Speedway - I designed this boards game to explicitly teach about self-control and self-regulation skills.

13. Providing Targeted Interventions for Specific Learners

Some students are going to need more support when it comes to self-regulation skills in the classroom. Consider some more targeted interventions to help them succeed, including teaching self-regulation lessons.

14. Focusing on the Relationship

Strong relationships can help foster an environment where students can learn and strengthen self-regulation skills. When kids feel safe, secure, and supported, they are more likely to look to them as a model to learn self-regulation skills.

Building a strong relationship is truly the single most important way we can impact kids lives. There are many ways to foster strong relationships from letting kids teach us about their own interests to talking about non-school related topics together. You can use these 100+ relationship-building questions to get started.

15. Using Music and Movement

Music and movement are important strategies to help build self-regulation across all ages. Some simple strategies to try include:

Dance to rhythms at different speeds.

Make your own unique drum beats and have students play them back.

Playing instruments (triangles or drums, for example) have one person act as a conductor to control the rhythm and beat while others play along.

16. Creating a Calm-Down Space

A calm-down space has many names: chill spot, vacation station, relaxation zone, calm-down corner. Whatever you call it, this area is a designated spot where students can go to calm-down and self-regulate before going back to the classroom environment. While not all students will need one, it's a valuable tool for those who do.

It's important to stress that a calm-down space is not a "time out" area in the sense that students are in trouble. Instead, this is an area to help practice coping skills and self-regulation strategies. Add calm-down tools like coloring books, mindful breathing cards, a journal, and more. Fidgets like calm strips and stress balls can be helpful too.

17. Providing Visual Cues

Give reminders for expectations and instructions with visual cues. These are particularly helpful to strengthen self-regulation skills and promote expected behaviors because they do not require any verbal discussion. Students can learn to use visuals completely on their own.

Some examples of visual cues include:

A poster on the door reminding students what they need to be organized before entering.

Steps to wash hands next to a sink.

A photo of a what an organized desk looks like during clean-up time

18. Using Literature

Read alouds can build a variety of social-emotional skills, self-regulation included. Choose stories that focus on coping strategies, mindfulness, thinking through our choices, and managing emotions. An important note is that short stories are excellent for a huge range of ages, even big kids.

19. Keep an Organized Classroom

Students do what they see. Keeping an organized classroom helps provide structure and creates a calm learning space with the tools kids need for success. Consider reducing clutter, choosing meaningful decor, and labeling materials.

20. Providing Feedback

In order to truly improve, we all need constructive feedback. Set a weekly (or bi-weekly) time to meet with individual learners. Develop goals and work on them together, providing specific and meaningful feedback along the way.

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15+ Classroom Practices to Build Self-Regulation Skills

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Self-regulation skills are one of the biggest keys for success for students in the classroom. These are some of the skills that help students focus during lessons, wait their turn to share in group activities, transition to a new task when time is up, and start tasks right away.