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© O'Shea, Amy

Email: osheaamy2001@gmail.com

To cite:

O'Shea, A. 2023. "‘Like Father, Like Son?’: Masculinities and the father-son relationship", SEXTANT: Masculinities, Sexualities & Decolonialities, Padlet. Vol 1, Issue 1: 22.

SEXTANT: Masculinities, Sexualities &, Decolonialities

ISSN 2990-8124

University College Dublin, Ireland

https://sextantnotes.com

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Song lyrics from Chapins' Cat's in the Cradle

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And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me He'd grown up just like me My boy was just like me

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This short film, based in China, explores a man struggling with an experience of subordinated masculinity due to a lack of wealth. His son, who, as a child, was surrounded by friends with more wealthy and successful fathers, realises that his fathers' emotionality was of utmost importance after all. He decides to replicate his fathers 'caring masculinity' and instill positive change.

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"Gift" - A very touching video. About Father and son.

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"GIFT" is a short film about a son confronts the resentment towards his father only to realize his true intentions. A very touching video. (Thanks, Josh!) This Boy Never Saw His Dad As An Inspiration, Until He Found Out His Big Secret

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Allan Jay Tomol (2014) "Gift" - A very touching video. About Father and son. Available at: https://youtu.be/WE0eMBmyfnk (Accessed 6 December 2022)

Baber, L. 100 Black Dads Project. Available at: https://www.lucybaberphotography.com/100-black-dads/page/2/ (Accessed 11 December 2022)

Best Scenes (2021) Call me by your name- Elio and his father scene (best father son conversation) Available at: https://youtu.be/oezaX9AeZko (Accessed 6 December 2022)

Chapin, H. (1974) ‘Cats in the Cradle’, Verities & Balderdash. Available at: https://open.spotify.com/track/2obblQ6tcePeOEVJV6nEGD?si=c0c8622d4aef4608 (Accessed 8 December 2022)

Elliott, K. (2016) ‘Caring masculinities: Theorizing an emerging concept’,  Men and masculinities, 19(3), p. 252.

Indiatimes.com. (2021) "How you live your life is your business, just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now, there's sorrow, pain. Don't kill it and with it the joy you've felt". Available at: https://www.indiatimes.com/entertainment/originals/14-profound-hauntingly-beautiful-lines-on-love-and-grief-from-call-me-by-your-name-550134.html [Accessed 12 December 2022]

Jimmy Kimmel Live (2019) Can Dads Answer Questions About Their Kids? Available at: https://youtu.be/jHPbOGEUvZA (Accessed 4 December 2022)

Klugman, M. (2015) ‘“I Love Him in an Absolutely Gay Way” Heterodox Fragments of the Erotic Desires, Pleasures, and Masculinity of Male Sports Fans’, Men and Masculinities, 18(2), pp.193-213.

Logie, CH. et al. (2012) ‘Life under the tent is not safe, especially for young women: understanding intersectional violence among internally displaced youth in Leogane, Haiti.’, Global Health Action, 10(2), p. 17.

Mikhulu Child Development Trust. (2022) ‘Building Bonds: Changing Ideas on what it means to be a Father. Available at: https://mikhulutrust.org/2021/04/29/building-bonds-changing-ideas-on-what-it-means-to-be-a-father/

TED (2021) Why paternity leave benefits everyone | The Way We Work, a TED series Available at: https://youtu.be/DCLoio-8d48 (Accessed 2 December 2022)

The Wampler Way (2021) If any little league teams need a coach, he’s the best out there! #fyp #fypシ #disability #happy. Available at: https://www.tiktok.com/@the.wampler.way/video/7007179279335197958 (Accessed 11 December 2022)

Tichenor, V. et al. (2011) ‘The importance of fatherhood to US married and cohabiting men’, Department of Sociology,  p. 233.

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A Modern Take on Emotional Vulnerability between Father and Son

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A Modern Take on Emotional Vulnerability between Father and Son

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This excerpt from the 2017 hit movie, 'Call me by your Name' features a father and his son Elio, the protagonist, engaging in a discussion regarding Elios' romantic feelings for a man. His father reflects on his own previous queer encounters and emphasises the importance of vulnerability between father and son in his role as a father.

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While disabled men are already perceived as having a subordinate masculinity due to ableism and gender norms, being a physically disabled father brings new challenges to fatherhood. This is due to the fact that society consistently emphasises the need for physically 'strong' or 'independent' fathers. Here, a son of a disabled father created a Tiktok to emphasise that he bonded with his father in an 'unconventional American way', rather than playing ball or doing sport, but that they nevertheless developed a deep and meaningful relationship that is not reliant on physicality.

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the.wampler.wayThe Wampler Way · 2021-9-12

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If any little league teams need a coach, he’s the best out there! #fyp #fypシ #disability #happy

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An Example of a Strained Relationship between Father and Son

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An Example of a Strained Relationship between Father and Son

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A close listen to the lyrics of this American folk song tells a tale of the way in which a father's lack of presence emotionally to his son has resulted in the continuity of a cycle which favours financial support of a son over emotional support, ultimately leading to the fathers' sense of failed fatherhood.

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Paternity Leave and its Effect on Father-Child Cohesion

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Paternity Leave and its Effect on Father-Child Cohesion

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In this educational video, Shu Matsuo Post discusses how paternity leave and a father spending time with their newborn child can drastically influence the status of their future relationship as the child ages. While it is extremely informative, he also reflects on his own experiences on 7-month paternity leave.

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Why paternity leave benefits everyone | The Way We Work, a TED series

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An Initiative to deepen Father-Son Bonding

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An Initiative to deepen Father-Son Bonding

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This article details a South African father's initiative to fill gaps in his bond with his son through the shared reading of books. John hopes to encourage other South African men to do the same and heal their relationship with their sons.

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Positive Representation of Black Fathers as Caregivers

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Positive Representation of Black Fathers as Caregivers

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This virtual gallery configurated by Lucy Baber includes examples of fathers being nurturing and breaks the narrative of fathers only being valued for their physical or financial contributions to the household. The affection displayed between father and son is particularly absent from the media and contrasts the stereotypical portrayal of fathers, either carrying or lifting their child to show off their strength.

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100 Black Dads is a photography project by Lucy Baber which highlights the loving, hard working, and nurturing black fathers in America.

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The Normalisation of a Lack of Emotional Intimacy between Father and Child

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The Normalisation of a Lack of Emotional Intimacy between Father and Child

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In this excerpt from "Jimmy Kimmel Live!", a popular talk show in America, the show's comical portrayal of fathers failing to answer basic questions about their children, such as eye colour and school name, demonstrates the fact that society has normalised a fathers lack of emotionality with his child.

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Can Dads Answer Questions About Their Kids?

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Fatherhood: The Unique Relationship between Father and Son

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Fatherhood: The Unique Relationship between Father and Son

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Fatherhood is undoubtedly an integral aspect in many men's lives. With biological reproduction being a key factor in affirming men’s ideas of hegemonic masculinity, a father's actions sculpt his child’s perception of what it is to be a father. Fatherhood allows for the taking on of a paternal role, through which men can express their ability to ‘provide’ (Tichenor et al, 2011). This ability for men to provide for their partners and children and be the supposed breadwinner of the family is quintessential and has emerged from deeply entrenched societal norms that view men who suffer from poverty or unemployment as having lost power and therefore experience a subordinated version of masculinity (Logie et al, 2017). Partly due to this, an emphasis on physicality rather than emotionality has manifested in conceptions of fatherhood, a dominant perspective which has only begun changing in recent decades. This has resulted in the emergence of a new subdivision of masculinities- caring masculinities. According to Elliott, at the core of caring masculinity is the rejection of dominance accompanied by the integration of typically ‘feminine’ values, such as positive emotion, interdependence and relationality (2016). In this e-portfolio, an emphasis is placed on the unique relationship between a father and son, due to complexities that may arise within homosociality. The way that homosociality (friendships between people of the same sex) has been portrayed in the media and society means that men can often only feel open to express love or idolisation when it comes to successful sporting players (Klugman, 2015). Physical affection and emotional vulnerability are often only tied into a man's relationship with other women, their romantic partners, or close family members. Displays of closeness with other men, such as hugging, confiding or spending time together doing typically "feminine" activities are irrationally associated with homoeroticism. In addition to this, the dire state of men's mental health within society further prevents men from opening up emotionally. It cannot be denied that this myriad of preconditions and assumptions on what a male friendship should consist of may result in further complexities within a man's ability to connect and develop a deep emotional bond with his son. While there are undoubtedly also difficulties for men in regard to expressing such emotions with women, the normalisation of affection between men and women and maternalism may lessen the implications of this. But future conceptions of fatherhood and homosocial relationships rely almost exclusively on the way in which these relations develop and are reproduced at present. With previous experiences of emotional unavailability and trauma occurring from emotionally absent fathers, the necessity for men to integrate nurturance and emotionality into their relationships, with their children and particularly with their sons, is of utmost importance. In this way, boys evolve into men who have experienced a positive role model and thus, do not reproduce a vicious cycle of emotionally neglectful parenting.

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'Like Father, Like Son?'  A Project by Amy O'Shea

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'Like Father, Like Son?'  A Project by Amy O'Shea

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The aim of this e-portfolio is to assemble a number of resources and provide an introduction to intersecting topics of fatherhood and societal effects on the father-son relationship. Applying an intersectional lens is of utmost importance in the realm of social justice studies in order to cast light on the many conceptions of hegemonic and subordinated masculinity across the globe. It must be noted that this interactive collection of resources attempts to represent a number of conceptions of masculinity, but can not be fully representative of the infinite number of ways there are to 'be' a man. This e-porfolio explores the way in which society has influenced and continues to influence father-son relationships, drawing on a number of initiatives, media examples and audiovisual examples in order to provide insights into the world of fatherhood and the ways in which fathers are contemporarily attempting to dismantle cultural and societal norms and deepen their emotional bond with their sons. Examples, such as an initiative set up by a South African father, a short film showing the dynamic nature of fatherhood based in China, a photography project emphasising the nurturing nature of Black fathers, and an example of queer perspectives of fatherhood from a popular movie, are drawn upon in order to deepen understanding on this topic. Examples of some of the dynamic issues faced in father-son relationships are also illustrated so as to provide context for the issues at hand.