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Hey Mid, i very much like it when you say “the sun was shining on my blonde hair” a lot of people could relate too that and that is very unique but I couldn’t relate. I also like the title Mysterious shoes. It reminds me of Luca’s it was something with crocs, something like that. Anyways something you should work on is the length because i looked at others and it was longer but anyways good job Liam.

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Hey Duggy! I really liked your story, especially the descriptive language packed into it. I really liked the park where you say that the money was burning a hole in your pocket. I wish that the story described the setting more, but other than that great story

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Liam, I really liked the way that you started you story, you really took your time with it to expand and keep that act going.
I also like how you twisted the story by making the shoes remote controlled. I do wish however you can slow down your story, its very rushed towards act 3.

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Hi Liam, off the bat star 1 of your essay is the way you made your descriptive scene in the beginning. The sentence where you talked about how the kid doesn't have games is very good, the way he images and cry’s that he can’t play with them. I also love the word choice in the whole doc. I really love some words from paragraph 1-2. 1 wish i have for you is maybe you can give more too the beginning scene. Apart from that this is really good!

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Hey, Liam! One of the strengths in your essay is showing how not having videos is a big thing in your life ( im not a big fan in video games ) but i know some people that like them and they said that without them they could do nothing for example if there sports practice got canceled and they were just sitting home with nothing to do.Another strength in your essay is when you said halo players performed 30 to 50% better at making out details and clustters and managing events, saying that people that were to play halo would get better at managing events wish that you didn't put his friends explained no because it was raining, because playing football in the rain isn’t the smartest idea.

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Something you did really well was describing the setting. ONe of my favorite lines you used for describing the setting was “The setting I see is incredible, trees of green and a big blue sky”. I don’t know why I love that line so much I just do. Another line that was great was “the burry landscape below was haunting me like a scary old doll”. Something else you did really well was really show the reader how scared you really were. You even said to your mom “If you make it I’ll go”. That just show the readers that you’re really not sure about this and you have second thoughts. I wish that I had for this piece so that you didn’t rush the revision and editing. I could tell that you rush through that process because your whole piece is one paragraph. Also some places that need spacing didn’t have spacing. But other than that your piece was very good, ducky.

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I love how you made the title already a hint on what is going to be going on in the story. The title “Seizing the day” helped me relive that you will be conquering something like your fears in the story. the way in the end that you said “the beautiful jungle that was once taunting me was now smiling at me” really made me feel like I was there.I don’t even have a wish! You are an amazing writer and I already want to read more!

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I really like how you used descriptive words, I could really tell that the setting was beautiful on a hot day going on a zip line for the first time i would have also been anxious and scared being over 120 feet over ground thats a long way down.
I think that you should’ve made your ending longer over all good memoir

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I love how you started off your paragraph and how you specified, even though you didn’t need to, that it is owned and controlled by, yours truly, you.I like how you added things that you wanted gone, even though they will be hard to get rid of, not only because I completely agree with you, except for the coffee flavored ice cream, but also because you made it sound like it was a priority for you.I wish you specified which sports you want to improve on and how you plan on improving on them, like “in baseball my goal is to be able to run faster so I don't get tagged out at second after I try to steal the base” something like that.

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I liked the way you introduced  the readers to your writing piece and when you said “when I’m not huffing over homework” . I liked how creative you were while writing and also like how you think that doing good things will have a good outcome. One thing I do wish is that you wrote a little bit more about what you like and what you dislike.

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liams unpredictable and upbeat books. I really liked how you said when I’m not stuck on homework I’m playing xbox or hanging out with my friends. I also love sports and I like golf too but i suck at it. I like how you said you don’t like COVID 19 and I like food too. What i think you should do better is you should like coffee ice cream but I don’t really have any more information for you