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Niece Casey, Sister in Law Shari, Mother Karen, Brother Jesse, Grandma Jennette, and me!

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That time I sang back up on TV for Justin Bieber, Gnarls Barkley, Jennifer Hudson, Victoria Justice, and The Band Perry (2011)
Diana Ross, Demi Lovato, and Psy (2012)
Both years we sang with Barak Obama and the Obama family
Conan O'Brian hosted

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Christmas In Washington: 30th Anniversary (2011)

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30th Anniversary special hosted by Conan O'Brien. www.tnt.tv/christmasinwashington/ Copyright 2011 Turner Broadcasting System, Inc.

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“Oh no! What’s that?” Sarah exclaimed.
“Sounded like…Britney Spears?” Mike replied questionably.
With increasing volume, “Oops, I Did It Again” began to play. The two then heard a rustle in bush. Not knowing what to expect, none other than Jack Black appeared.

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It was a dark and stormy night, the wind howled as though a thousand wolves were crying at once. While most beings of the human nature would stay inside in the time of this weather, a naive girl around the age of thirteen stepped outside. Her long brown hair whipped against her olive skinned face. She was wearing what appeared to be pajamas, which were becoming increasingly transparent due to the wet of the rain.
"Sarah, Sarah!" a male's voice cried out from the distance.
"Mike, I'm over here!" she replied.
"Sarah, are you ready for our epic adventure?" Mike asked.
"Of course I am!" said Sarah excitedly.
"Then we shall begin!" So the two teenagers set off on the journey that would change their lives.
They trekked down the muddy lane for a good half hour until they suddenly stopped. About the strangest noise they had just heard.
"Oh no! What's that?" Sarah exclaimed.
"Sounded like...Britney Spears?" Mike replied questionably.
With increasing volume, "Oops, I Did It Again" began to play. The two then heard a rustle in bush. Not knowing what to expect, none other than Jack Black appeared.
"Oh my god, oh my god, IT'S JACK BLACK!!!" screeched Sarah.
"Way to go Jacko!" Mike laughed.
"So, you guys ready for an epic adventure?" asked Jack.
"Damn, we've been ready." Sarah answered.
"Coolieo lets go." Jack said in his ever comedic voice.
Now the group of three continued down the dirt road which was becoming something that appeared to be a highway. Hunger, growing fierce in their stomachs, led them to the nearest A&W/ Kentucky Fried Chicken. Once inside the group walked to the counter prepared to order.
"Whoa, what happened to you guys?" The guy working at the counter asked.
"Oh, we're just on an epic adventure." Sarah casually replied.
"Awesome! My break's in fifteen minutes. Can I come?"
"Hey, why not? The more the merrier." Mike said. "But first, what is your name?"
"The name's Geraldo Martinez and I guarantee I am not the illegal immigrant who designed the faulty shaved ice cups banned by the Food and Drug Administration then sold them really cheap to the hustlers working in Ocean City, Maryland who are using them to scam innocent civilians into buying overpriced clothing to wear after their shaved ice mysteriously spilled on them. Nope, that's definitely not me."
"Well that doesn't sound suspicious at all." shrugged Jack. "Come along."
"Yes! I'll go get some other guy who never went to college to cover for me."
Then the group of four set off with their greasy chicken and root beer floats into the wild blue yonder. Eventually, the rain finally stopped.
"Man, we're soaked." exclaimed Mike.
"Yeah we better get some clothes." Sarah suggested.
"Okay, the Aeropostale outlet is right over there." Geraldo agreed.
The four mud covered rain soaked adventurers entered the store. After picking out some hip new outfits, they approached the cashier.
"Well don't you folks look like you've been having some fun. I never have any fun. I just stand here all day scanning clothing made in China." sighed the store clerk.
"If you'd like, you could come on the epic adventure with us." offers Sarah.
"Great, let's leave right now!"
Five people, all wearing the clothing of Aero, continue walking down the highway. They decided to get off at the next exit.
"Is anyone in the mood for cocktails? It's totally happy hour." asks the clerk who is named Ivy. "At this one bar, its 25 cent shot night."
"Well that sounds like a party. We should go." says Geraldo.
The rest of the group agrees and they enter, a bar by the name of Voldy's Vodka Palace. Sarah, Mike, Jack, Geraldo and Ivy all take a seat on bar stools. The odd looking bartender with a flat nose with slits for nostrils and snake like eyes asks them what they'd like to drink. Sarah orders an appletini with a shot of chocolate vodka. Mike asks for rum and coke. Jack orders a Corona with lime. Geraldo asks for a pina colada and Ivy orders a pink lemonade. The bartender nods his head and begins to make the drinks. Once they've received their alcoholic beverages they decide to make friendly conversation with the serpentine bartender.
"So what's your name?" asks Geraldo.
"My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle but my death eater acquaintances call me Lord Voldemort."
"That's cool!" replies Sarah because like the rest of them she suspects nothing unusual. Five minutes have passed since they originally received their drinks and all is well. Until Ivy says something rather peculiar.
"Wait, I think this is pink lemonade, I ordered a pink lemonade. Voldy, get over here, didn't you know I ordered the cocktail?"
"Oh, I'm so sorry Miss; I'll get that for you right away." Less than a minute later a new drink appears in front of her. Ivy takes a sip.
"This is horrible, it taste like raspberries! Look just forget about it bring me some wine maybe a nice Chianti with liver and a side of fava beans."
"We don't have enough time for this Ivy, we have to continue on our epic adventure." says Mike.
"Hey, you guys are going on an epic adventure?" asks Voldemort.
"Yeah, you wanna join us. I mean it's not like your totally evil or anything, right?"
"Me, evil, of course not. Now let's go!"
The six of them decide to leave right away. But their feet were becoming tired because they've walk the whole way. So the drunken Ivy hails a cab. It swerves to the curb and the group squeezes in.
"Where you guys off to?" asks the driver.
"Dunno, but it's certainly going to be an epic place." says Mike. "Any suggestions?"
"Well, there's the Grand Canyon." replies the driver. "I've always wanted to go but, I don't make enough money to buy a plane ticket."
"You can come with us." offers Sarah. "But there's one problem, we don't have any money either."
"I know a goblin who works at a bank." says Voldemort. "I'm sure he would be pleased to lend us some money."
"Great idea, to the bank cabbie." slurred Ivy.
"Hey cabbie, what do you want us to call you." asks Geraldo.
"Well, my name is S.L. Clemens but all of my friends call me Sammy."
"Hey, I think I heard that a name like that on Jeopardy. No, that was just Mark Twain, never mind." Sarah dismissed her thought.
"So do you want to come along on our epic adventure to the Grand Canyon or not?" asked Mike.
"Of course, I would love too." exclaimed Sammy.
Seven people arrived at the bank. It was huge and run by a lot of old short people. Those must have been the "goblins" Voldy was talking about. After all, goblins don't exist. Almost like magic, one million dollars appeared in front of them. Sarah, Mike, Jack, Geraldo, Ivy, Voldemort, and Sammy were headed to the airport. Once they arrived at the airport they bought their tickets to Arizona, home of the Grand Canyon but more famously for the ice tea drinks. The group took their seats in first class, where they were instantly waited on by the flight attendant.
"Hi, my name is April and I'm gonna be you guy's flight attendant for this trip. Can I get y'all anything to drink?" she says with a heavy southern accent.
"Umm yes I suppose." says Sarah. "I'll have a Coke."
"Coke, we're on an epic adventure, we need hard liquor. April, gives us all the mini bottles of alcohol you have." says Geraldo.
The next hour was spent boozing away. About everyone on the plane was feeling pretty loose. Jack who had been mum for awhile finally speaks up to the drunken attendant.
"Did it hurt?" he asked.
"Did what hurt?" April replied.
"When you fell from heaven because baby, you look like an angel."
This cheesy pick up line must of wooed her because the next thing you know they were hooking up in the bathroom.
Five hung over hours later they arrived at the Grand Canyon.
"Is that soup I smell?" asks Geraldo. Sure enough the Grand Canyon was filled to the brim with piping hot soup. But who could be the cause of this? A shadow covered the group from overhead. It was a giant orange and black cat.
"My name is Garfield and I am here to eat my soup!"
"But we're all hungry because all they feed you on the plane is those little snack mix bags." protests Sarah.
"Too bad, so sad, this is my soup and I will stomp you!" yelled Garfield.
"Don't worry I can fix this!" exclaims Voldemort. "Advada Kedavra!" A green flash shot the huge feline down.
"Great, now we have a dead cat but we can't eat without spoons and bowls." said Mike in a disappointed tone of voice.
"Hey, we have some of those in the back of the plane." says April whose hair looked a bit disheveled and she was wearing far less clothes than she was before. Hmmm, I wonder what happened in that bathroom. So the seven sat down on the orange rocks and ate. You know not much goes on in the Grand Canyon so they decided to get back on the plane and fly somewhere else.
"You know, I've also never been to the beach. Not once have I ever breathed in that salty sea air. I'm such a deprived taxi driver." Sammy wined.
"Well, we have all this money. We could go to Hawaii or something." suggests Jack. Everyone agreed because who doesn't love tropical paradises? With the deficit of liquor the flight was rather boring unless you were enjoying the tonsil hockey game between Ivy and Sammy. Out of the blue, the plane began suffering horrible turbulence. A few members of the group reached for their air sickness bags. But this was no time for vomiting. Don't they ever listen to that voice that says to take the oxygen masks and put them over your mouth before assisting others and remember that your seat cushion doubles as a flotation device? They could feel the plane plunging downwards at a rapid pace. Then, there was absolute silence. The plane crashed into ocean. Mike busted down the emergency exit door and they all swam out of the sinking plane.
"Oh no, I can't swim." screams Ivy in desperate endeavor.
"I'll save you!" cries Sammy.
"You can't go back, the force of the sinking plane will pull you under. Haven't you seen Titanic?" says Sarah in an attempt to save him from a watery grave. But it didn't work; the last thing they heard him say was "My name is really Mark Tw-" Then he was sucked into the ocean. We will never know what his real name was. Fortunately, the remainder of the group survived by swimming to a deserted island. They wandered around for days with no food and water. Then, randomly, a girl fell out of the tree!
"What the ^@#%?" (Censored for the underage) Mike exclaims.
"Mike, I am the other."
"What the ^@#% is an 'other'?"
"I lived in a yellow submarine that was sucked toward the island. But that was many years ago, I doubt if anyone would know. I've lived here for so long, why I can't even remember the real world only the trees and the free tacos."
"Free tacos!?" Mike asked excitedly.
"Yeah, they just show up whenever I'm hungry. You see, this island is possessed. Oh, and if it wants to kill you, you die. So, I hope you stay on its good side other wise your story will end up a TV show like LOST."
"Wait, you get cable?" asks Jack Black who had been listening to their whole conversation.
"Yeah, some darn initiative came and brought it." The other replied. "My favorite show is Ben 10: Alien Force."
"Cool, that's one of my favorites too!" said Sarah.
"I don't care about the aliens, I want tacos!" screams the famished Mike. All of the sudden, a huge plate of tacos appeared. The crew immediately rushed to the plate and indulged themselves in Mexican gluttony. Oddly everyone was eating except the unnamed other who was standing outside of the feasting group. April decided to approach her, after all the tacos were giving her heart burn.
"Why so gloom sunshine?" April asks the other.
"You guys are so close, I feel so alone." She replied in a sad whisper.
"Well, if it helps everyone here were basically strangers before they decided to go on an epic adventure." Geraldo came over and put a hand on the others shoulder. "You can come with us in the continuation of it if you want?" he offers politely.
"Well, I know this island better than anyone and you'll need a guide." The other states.
"But first, what's your name, we can't be calling you the other the whole time now can we?" asks Geraldo.
"My name? My name. I can't quite remember it. No one has addressed me in so long." The other begins to sob.
"You look like a Brooke to me." says Sarah.
"Hmm, doesn't ring a bell are you sure Spunk Ransom wouldn't be better?"
"Uh, no. Come along now Brooke, we should be finding some shelter for the night now." Sarah states.
"Hey, I have a shelter, with hay beds and everything." Brooke says happily. Geraldo, Sarah, and April gathered the rest of the group and followed Brooke into the jungle. After a short walk they arrived at a bungalow with a lit fire and everything. She set them up in a room with bunk beds made from hay and wood with blankets made from leaves. Once they were all cozy, Brooke dimmed the lights and left the room. It was almost like she was prepared for visitors or maybe it was just the islands paranoia, like on Survivor. But wait if this is like Survivor, where's Jeff Probst? Never mind this is real life we're talking about, not a reality TV show.
"Wait, if these are hay beds, isn't anyone concerned about the pants rabbits?" asks Mike.
"To hell with the pants rabbits!" exclaims Sarah. Then there was a round of saying goodnights. Goodnight, Sarah, Mike, Jack, Geraldo, Voldemort, April, and their savoir Brooke. All was silent as they fell asleep.
The next morning the group was awakened by the rather unpleasant sound of sickness. There, outside of the bungalow, near the edge of the trees was April. Jack rushed over to his lover.
"April, what's wrong?" asked Jack.
"Jack, I think I'm pregnant."
"What? With who?" said Jack in shock and disbelief.
"Honey, the baby's yours." April said with a smile on her face. She had always wanted to have a baby with Jack Black, it was her secret desire.
"Coolieo, but, it better be a boy, or I'm going to smother it in its sleep."
"Don't speak like that. God knows what we want." replied April to Jack's crazy remark. The rest of the day went a smooth as key lime pie. It was almost the vacation they dreamed of. The girls sunbathed while the men folk went deep sea fishing. Now this was the life. A few couldn't ever imagine leaving this taco filled place. Voldemort and Geraldo walked away into the jungle for a private conversation but no one noticed they were gone. After their nightly taco fiesta was over. They all went to bed.
Crash! A horrible noise woke them up. The adventurers followed the mix of crying and laughing to Brooke's bedroom where they found her on the floor.
"Ouch, I think I broke my back." cried Brooke.
"How?" asked Mike.
"There was this crash through the roof, then I fell out of my bed." answered Brooke.
"Oh no, what's that?" Sarah pointed to the hole in the roof. What appeared to be a wardrobe had fallen through.
"Well, that's odd." said Geraldo. There was music coming from it. So Sarah, Mike, Jack, Geraldo, Voldemort, April, and Brooke opened the wardrobe and looked inside. It was snowing.
"Hey, this looks like it could make a good addition to our epic adventure." says Mike in an excited tone. The group decided to walk through the portal into the other side. But two didn't follow.
"Why aren't you coming?" asks April to Geraldo and Voldemort.
"Look, we don't want to leave the island." said Voldemort.
"Why not?" asks the group in unison.
"Because this island is the only place where we can be openly gay." replied Geraldo.
"I don't know about the rest of them, but I always thought you were gay with the ways you kept on disappearing into the forest with Voldy." states Brooke, "It was pretty obvious."
"Fine, you guys can stay here if you want. We respect the Gay and Lesbian Alliance." said Sarah.
So Voldemort and Geraldo stayed on the island while the others followed the music into the other realm.
"Welcome to the wonderful world of Narnia! You must be the Narnianic Six, the ones from the prophecy." said a man with short curly blond hair. He had slightly crooked front teeth and a British accent.
"Narnianic Six? Prophecy? We're nobody, just a few teenagers, a comedian and a flight attendant." Mike replies confused.
"The flight attendant you say? She's pregnant, no?" asks the strange man.
"Yes, I am. But why?" April questions.
"Your son will be the prince of Narnia." The man answers.
"A son, great!" said Jack.
"In that case, I'm Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay and guardian of the secret land of Narnia."
"Chris Martin! Will you marry me? I love you. Please softly sing me to sleep every night in your arms. I'll have your child and you can name it Pomegranate if you want." gushes Brooke.
"He's married to Gwyneth Paltrow, don't you know." said other members of The Narnianic Six.
"Why does everyone seem to know that? You think someone would forget these things. I just ignore them." Brooke sighed.
"Well, I haven't seen her in 10,000 Narnia years since I hid in a wardrobe to get away from some fans." replied Chris. Brooke smiled.
"What's a Narnia year?" asked Mike.
"Time in Narnia goes extremely fast almost as though the time outside has stopped. One earth minute equals a day here in Narnia. Fate brought you here to have April's baby." They all turned to April and saw a baby bump become increasing large.
"Do you know when she'll be having him?" Sarah asked Chris.
"Approximately, three, two-"
"AHH!" April screamed. Her water had broken.
"April honey, we need to get you to hospital, you need a midwife." said a concerned Jack.
"Don't you realize, Narnia is prepared to have this baby? The maternity elves will be arriving shortly." Chris assured them. Sure enough momentarily a group of elves came with a bed (no pants rabbits), towels, blankets, hot water and bottles of champagne, to celebrate the birth of a prince. April was brought into a tent and a few Narnia years later, a child was born.
"Can we have the father in here?" ask a maternity elf in a high pitched voice.
"Of course." answered Jack. He followed the elf into the tent where he found April holding their child.
"What should we name him?' asked April.
"I'm feeling Caspian." replied Jack.
"Okay, that sounds princely enough." April agreed.
Later the Narnianic Six, finally complete with the birth of Prince Caspian, sat around a fire discussing their plans for the future.
"Well April and I our going to stay here and raise our young prince." said Jack.
"Now the baby's been born, I'm free to leave to leave Narnia." Chris states.
"If you want, you can come on the epic adventure with Sarah, Brooke, and I." offers Mike.
"That would be great, if you'd have me." answers Chris.
"Oh, Chris, I'd have you." swooned Brooke.
"Brooke, he's a married man, stay away." says Mike, "Now, how do we get out of this place?"
"I've never tried it, but they say there's a boat, that you take down a river." answers Chris.
"Well where is it?" asks Sarah.
"I'm not sure, but I've been told it's over Violet Hill and past Strawberry Swing, next to The Cemeteries of London." replied Chris.
"Oh Chris, how poetic! You're so wonderful and handsome." complemented Brooke.
"Cool, so lets go." said Mike.
"But, I think we need a map." noted Sarah.
"Dora the Explora lives around here somewhere. I'm sure she'd lend you hers." said Chris.
"Okay, but where's Dora?" asks Sarah. Just after she said that. Dora the Explorer appeared.
"Map, Map, here you go." Dora handed over her map then vanished. The four set off. About 600 Narnia years later, they reached the river. All the sudden the scenery changed drastically. There were now tangerine trees and marmalade skies but no boat only a box of corn flakes and a bowl of sugar.
"Great, now how are we supposed to get down the river?" asked Mike.
"Hey, I have an idea, we could glue the cornflakes together with sugar and water mixed together and make a boat." offered Brooke. "Then we could really sit on cornflakes." The group agreed to this scheme because this was about their only option. Guess what? It worked.
Then they floated down the river. Sarah, who was becoming hungry and always had a taste for cereal began to nibble at the boat. Mmm, she thought. This is good; it's like a cornflake with frosting. She decided to call them frosted flakes.
The boat ride was pretty monotonous. Mike, Sarah, and Chris were becoming bored while Brooke was ever fascinated with Chris. She would stare at him when he wasn't looking as well as take little scooches to get closer to him. The boat began to speed up. Frantically the group looked out their frosted window. They were headed over a waterfall.
"Don't worry, I packed some extra barrels." said Chris. "But they only fit two people and we only have two." Chris looked at Brooke. "Brooke, will you be my barrel buddy?"
"Of course Chris, I'd take a bullet for you." Brooke gazed at him and he gazed back. Is this true love? Has Chris forgotten about Gwyneth and their fruity children? They'll find out soon. Over the falls they go. Sarah and Brooke clutched their buddies closely praying for their lives. It felt like they would never reach the ground again. Then with intense force, they splashed into the water below. Sarah, Mike, Brooke and Chris all opened their barrels to find they were being sucked into the rapids. Luckily, a tourist spotted them. Soon a boat came to save them. The writing on the side named it "The Maid of the Mist". Canada? The adventurers had arrived in Niagara Falls, crazy. It was almost nighttime and they needed a place to stay. Why not the Holiday Inn? So they arrived at the hotel and approached the front desk.
"Hi my name is Anisa." said the woman at the front desk. "Will you need a room for tonight?" She looked upon the drenched four. "Yes, do you have any four bedroom suites?" asked Sarah politely.
"Let me check." responded Anisa. "Oh, no we're booked. All we have left is a one bedroom. But it has a pull-out couch!"
"Are you sure?" Mike asked.
"Honey, I'm so sure I'm practically deodorant." Anisa replied in a matter-of-fact tone. The four looked at each other and shrugged.
"We'll take it." said Chris, who had mysteriously fell in love with Brooke during their death fall and was looking forward to being in such a close proximity as her. They booked the room, got their keys, and then headed up to the twelfth floor via elevator.
Once in the room, Sarah and Mike took the bed. Chris pulled out the couch and laid down with Brooke. Just like her fantasies, he softly sang to her, holding her close in his arms.
"Well, this has been an epic adventure." said Mike.
"Let's do it again next year!" suggest Sarah. The couples snuggled close together and drifted off into a deep sleep.

Prologue

Voldemort and Geraldo ended up opening a gay bar and taco stand on the island.

April and Jack raised young Caspian to be the prince of Narnia.

There was a statue erected in Ivy and Sammy's honor.

Finally, after three years, and many fat cats, the Grand Canyon was drained of soup.

No one is quite sure what happened to Sarah, Mike, Brooke and Chris, but some say they can be found traveling the world. Possibly on another epic adventure.

This story was written solely for the purpose of entertainment and nothing else. It vaguely tells the story of our summer vacation. For legal reasons, the following characters, scenes, and plots are copyrighted and we fully respect that.

Britney Spear's Oops I Did It Again

The real Jack Black has never said or done anything from this story. (We think)

A&W/ KFC has good food. We love them, we mean nothing bad when we talked about them.

Aeropostale, we love their clothes, we wear them all the time.

J.K. Rowling's character from her Harry Potter series, Lord Voldemort. We know he's not gay it was just a good plot twist. Harry Potter forever!

The Chianti quote was from Silence of the Lambs, good movie.

The real Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain) is in no way affiliated with this story.

Garfield. There's an episode about filling the Grand Canyon with soup. It may be called Nighty Nightmares or something like that.

Spunk Ransom is Robert Pattinson's nickname. I love Twilight.

Clearly we made fun of LOST, ABC's show's plot. Umm, S. Jel enjoys that show.

The Beatles, how we love them. They get all credit for their everything.

We quoted Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Jeff Probst, host of Survivor and Survivor itself.

Ben 10: Alien Force

"To Hell with the rabbits!" refers to Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck though I we added in "pants" because they also talk about that.

Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis really has nothing to do with how we interpreted it other than the wardrobe and Prince Caspian.

Chris Martin is an amazing man. Coldplay wrote the song titles we used (off of their album Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends, it's great, you should totally buy it). I mean no harm to Gwyneth Paltrow and her fruit child (Apple). I know they're married. *sighs* I wish them a long happy life together.

Dora the Explorer

Um, I guess the Niagara Falls people, get something right?

The Holiday Inn

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It was a dark and stormy night, the wind howled as though a thousand wolves were crying at once. While most beings of the human nature would stay inside in the time of this weather, a naive girl around the age of thirteen stepped outside. Her long brown hair whipped against her olive skinned face.

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My great grandmother sang for the czar of Russia and I sang for president Obama

The Ravens won the Super Bowl in 2013 on my eighteenth birthday.

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Mostly white
Russian
Polish
Turkish

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I am Jewish on my mothers side, but have been baptized Catholic.
My mothers mother is Muslim and her father is Jewish. She was raised Jewish and my father was raised Catholic.

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Female who likes Males

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21

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I grew up in Montgomery county Maryland. I live with my mom as an only child and now attend Towson university. My father passed away when I was 17.

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Music
Cats
Food
Ravens Fan 💜

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Sarah Helen Jenkins