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Russel is a small quaint urban/rural town in Manitoba. Russel is home to 1,611 people from all walks of life and cultures. Since it is a very small town, before 2005 there were not many developments for recreation. In 2005 they opened a multiplex for people to skate, play hockey, dance and much more. These developments made Russel a popular place for people to settle down in a stress free environment. When Theo Fleury was a young child, Russel was not as populated and was not as developed. For Fleury to play hockey, he did not have the luxuries of a hockey arena to play on. Instead all the parents in the area made a homemade ice rink for their children to practice and play against other towns. Due to the lack of population in Russel for a competitive hockey team, Fleury moved to Winnipeg to play in the Western Hockey League. Throughout his life Fleury had to figure things out for himself rather than being guided by people. Russel was a poor area to live in and he wasn’t given things that would’ve helped him excel in hockey. He had to work for it. His parents were not very involved with his hockey either so Fleury would have to find his way to his hockey practices and games. Russel definitely influenced Fleury’s attitude. He didn’t get anything unless he worked hard for it and he would do things for himself. Even in the NHL he would never let the managers pick up his bags for him because he always had the mentality that he has to take care of himself. Russel was definitely a humbling town for a young boy and it taught Theo Fleury that anything you do you have to earn. However since he was not used to “luxury”, when he was finally provided with enough money during his career, he did not know how to handle it all. He didn’t have as many opportunities as other kids may have gotten because his town could not provide him those resources. He realized if he wanted to go to the NHL he had to go somewhere where he was provided those resources and he did when he moved to Winnipeg. If you want something you have to go get it and that’s what he did.

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There is a lot to be learned from this memoir in pieces and as a whole. As a whole this book taught me that it’s okay to admit when you are wrong. Theo Fleury is extremely brave to of completely laid out all of his flaws into a book that would be sold worldwide. When explaining his stories he never shies away from telling the brutal truth about his experiences. I on the other hand do not like opening up to people and sharing detailed stories about myself. By Theo Fleury sharing his experiences it allows other people to learn from his mistakes and to do what he didn’t when dealing with situations. It was Theo Fleury’s goal to share his experiences with others so that they would never have to go through what he did. He did just that by writing this book. A piece from the story that really inspired me was when he was extremely injured and still continued to play so that his team could win. Fleury shows extreme resilience when the ligament in his knee were completely torn. He knew that the game was on the line and that he had to get through the pain so that they could win. At times when things go wrong or don’t go my way I tend shut down and give up. When I know I have to get things done and I feel too stressed instead of doing the work to actually fix the problem I just become super anxious and don’t do anything. I need to learn that even though I might feel as though I am not able to accomplish something, I still need to be resilient and work to the best of my ability. Theo Fleury accomplishes and overcomes a lot of terrible things in his life and is now passing those stories on to us so that we too can be even better.

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Secret; something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. In some cases, secrets should be kept but if that secret is eating away at you and you know it is something wrong then it should not be a secret. Sexual abuse for instance is one thing that should not be kept from others when it occurs to you. It is a victim’s fight or flight response to not share the information and not make “a big deal” out of it by hoping it will just pass. When Fleury kept the secret of his abuse it just ate away at him. He tried many things to keep his mind off of it like hockey. Hockey worked very well but his abuser was his hockey coach. When thinking of hockey it was always linked back to his coach, the man who had the power of his career in his hands. He also turned to substance abuse. Since he had no identity other than being a hockey player and to himself; a boy that got abused, he looked for other ways to fill that void. Obviously he was sick. His secret had made him sick. Instead of telling someone and getting help, he kept it to himself and continued to self-deteriorate. We cannot blame Fleury for not wanting to share his secret because he had always felt controlled by Graham James and if he told someone he thought there would be trouble. Theo Fleury soon realized that he was as sick as his secrets and that when he didn’t have that secret bundled up inside there was no reason for him to continue beating himself up for it. When he finally was able to tell the media about the incident he realized that all along there were people all around him that loved him and would protect him. With anything in life, if there is something that you know that is making you uneasy and uncomfortable, you should be able to confront someone you love and trust or else it will control your life.

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“Two of the most prominent buildings in all of America had gone down. What was next? We were all walking around thinking, “Okay when are they dropping the big one?” I was calm because at that time I really didn’t care all that much whether I lived or died, as long as the end was quick. When I look back at my life and some of the places I’ve been and some of the significant historical incidents I’ve been close to- the brawl at Piestany, Columbine, 9/11- I wonder why. Why was I there?”

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“Two of the most prominent buildings in all of America had gone down. What was next? We were all walking around thinking, “Okay when are they dropping the big one?” I was calm because at that time I really didn’t care all that much whether I lived or died, as long as the end was quick. When I look back at my life and some of the places I’ve been and some of the significant historical incidents I’ve been close to- the brawl at Piestany, Columbine, 9/11- I wonder why. Why was I there?”

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During this point in Theo’s life, he had just been traded from the Colorado Avalanche to the New York Rangers. With his drug and alcohol habits New York was definitely not the best place for him as everywhere he turned there were strip clubs and bars. New York was not the best fit for him and he could tell a difference between his teammates as well. Everyone was focused on themselves and their fame rather than the team. Fleury mentions how he has been there for such devastating events and whether this was a sign. He even hoped that during 9/11, his life would be taken away with all the others. What did this mean for Fleury? Why was he always present throughout such tough times in history? I believe that this reflected his life. Throughout every hardship in his life he always got through it. He got through them enough to even live through all the terrible things that happened around him as well. Fleury also saw how everyone that was affected by these hard times were able to overcome them. I also believe that Fleury could relate to these events because at the time he thought his life was tumbling down. Just how the world around him was crumbling so was he. In the end Fleury was able to overcome every obstacle he faced and just like those historical incidents, many people were able to as well. It is extremely sad that Fleury, during one of the most horrific events in American History wanted his life to be taken away. I believe that these events were significant to his growth as a person because no matter how bad life got he was able to overcome many thing throughout his life. It gave him more motivation to become clean and get back into hockey. Even though he wasn’t able to make that comeback, he was able to look back on his life and see all the things he accomplished and overcame and was truly satisfied with himself and life.

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Richard Wagamese’s Indian Horse and Theo Fleury’s Playing with Fire could be nothing more than similar. Both books account the lives of two hockey players who endure sexual abuse from their coaches and turn to substance abuse to cope with the emptiness they feel throughout their life. Saul Indian horse is an aboriginal boy who is thrown in residential school where he finds an escape from the terrible things that happen in residential school; hockey. A young priest takes Saul and many other older boys under his wing to teach them the game of hockey. Saul excels and leaves the residential school to play in a league where he endures a lot of racism and discrimination. Throughout the book we later find out that Saul was sexually abused by the young priest at St. Jerome’s (Residential School). He turns to alcoholism and quits hockey as wherever he turns he is faced with racism and the memory of his abuse. Like Saul, Theo Fleury is an outstanding hockey player who is as well abused by his coach. Theo Fleury also has native roots and when he plays for an aboriginal team named Horse Lake, he realizes and experiences firsthand the harassment and neglect that Native people have to experience. Fleury and Saul are extremely similar and when they both spiraled out of control they realized that they had to open up about their abuse. Saul confides in his family and Fleury publically outs his abuser who has done terrible things to other players as well. No matter how they handled the situation they realized that they could no longer bottle up the secret because it would only eat away at them. When they finally spilled out their darkest secret, they turned to their family and friends to help others in their community. Saul began to coach hockey with his friends and family and Theo Fleury began public speaking to others about his experience. By helping others through the one thing they love which is hockey, they were able to cope with their insecurities and to feel better when they were able give back.

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On February 22nd, 2017, a former US Gymnastics coach was charged with 22 counts of criminal sexual conduct across two cities within the state of Michigan. Larry Nassar has been working with the US Women’s Gymnastics team since 1996 when the US women’s National Team won the Olympic all around Gold medal in Atlanta. Since then Larry has been working as a team doctor for the Michigan State women’s gymnastics team. When performing “medical procedures” he would actually be sexually abusing the young female athletes. Many athletes have come forward about the situation including an Olympic medalist. On January 2, 1997, Graham James a hockey coach for the Western Hockey League, pleaded guilty to 350 sexual assaults against two players. At the time the two players had been the only ones to step forward. Finally in 2010 Theo Fleury one of the most successful hockey players in history stepped forward about the assaults he had endured during his teenage years. Graham James’ story had begun to spark news in the media during the 90’s. Everyone could have hoped that by then people would’ve learned their lesson about sexual assault against young athletes. However we still have charges against coaches like Larry Nassar who continue to abuse their authorities to sexually assault children. As coaches they are authority figures to these young athletes so when they are doing something wrong, these athletes will not say anything because these coaches hold their future in their hands. At those young ages coaches are the most influential people in their lives and in their eyes they can do no wrong. These men have abused their power to assault these young athletes and have mentally damaged them. It took Theo Fleury and all of the gymnasts years to finally speak up about their abuse that has been a burden on their childhood and adolescence. Thankfully they were punished and their jobs and reputations had been tarnished but the marks they left on the athletes are something they can never take back.

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I can easily say that my life has touched nowhere close to what Theo Fleury has experienced in his life. He has experienced many terrible things but he has also accomplished tremendous things throughout his life. Being sexually abused by his coach; I have never experienced that. Winning a Stanley Cup the most prestigious trophy an athlete could ever win; I have never experienced that. Being so passionate about his sport that he’d do anything; I have experienced that. For an athlete your life is basically dedicated to that one sport mentally, physically and emotionally. The one thing that I can say I have in common with Fleury is the fact that he is so extremely passionate about hockey. Even though his reckless behavior says otherwise, he truly lived for the game. When hockey was taken away from him, he contemplated taking his life because there was nothing else he wanted to do more than to play. I obviously have not been in such a tragic scenario where my life was in jeopardy over soccer but there are instances where there is nothing I would rather do. Soccer has never been taken away from me just as it was for Fleury however, when I was injured it was. As an athlete we are are constantly over exerting our bodies day in and day out training for our games so that we can be the best. It is a given that any athlete will experience an injury. No matter what the injury you will not be able to train at all or even train at the same rate you are used to. Last year my lung collapsed and I was not able to play soccer for a month and a half. For me just in that instance, the sport I loved to play was taken away from me just like that. I was not able to train or play games but I still went to every practice to sit and watch. The one thing I did every day was gone and if I wasn’t able to sit and watch the practices I seriously don’t know what I would’ve done with that time. I understand completely how Theo Fleury felt when the one thing he was serious about had been taken away from him. He obviously had other things factored into why he was so upset like his abuse and his wife leaving him but I can understand how his sport made him feel. I cannot even imagine how different my life would be if I did not play sports and that why I believe Theo was so upset as well.

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“Chuck later told me that he learned from that incident not to worry about me, because I was not worried about me.”

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“Chuck later told me that he learned from that incident not to worry about me, because I was not worried about me.”

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Theo Fleury has always been one to live life on the edge and to not fix his problems because he figured everything would just work out in the end. Quite frankly he is reckless and just does not care about anything. His abuse does play a very big part in this behavior because that was his way to cope. In this part of the memoir Fleury cheats on his wife and she catches on and leaves him. Chuck his best friend was always there for Theo in his worst and when he calls Fleury to see if everything was good with his wife Veronica, he tells him that they’re out for dinner and everything was fine. Chuck realized in that moment that he didn’t need to worry about Theo because he was not even worried. I believe that Fleury assumed that his wife would come back to him, as per his behavior of not being worried. Fleury had this attitude a lot throughout his life because whenever he acted reckless there were never many repercussions. For example he would be out partying all night drinking, snorting cocaine and then next day he would play a hockey game and he would score a hat trick. Chuck was always there for Fleury from when they first started playing hockey together until the day Chuck passed away. It is difficult to stop worrying for someone who is self-destructing. One might say that they are done trying and helping but you will always care for that person. It wasn’t until Theo was not allowed to play hockey anymore and was put into the NHL Substance Abuse Program that he realized he had to start taking care of himself and focus on his health. It took him a couple tries to finally stay clean but in the end when he was in the best shape of his life, he went back to take another try at hockey. The one thing he was sure of was hockey and when that one thing was taken away he had to reevaluate his actions and behavior. In the end if you don’t care about yourself, you can’t expect others to push aside their lives for you when nothing is taken seriously.

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I believe that everything happens for a reason in someone’s life to shape them and to set them on a path. The abuse that Theo Fleury faced is definitely not something that someone would hear about and say “everything happens for a reason” because no one deserves that. However there are many parts of Fleury’s life where we could say it happened for a reason. For instance when he got kicked out of the NHL and was enrolled in the NHL Substance Abuse Program. This was a perfect moment for Fleury because he would finally be able to take a step back and reevaluate his life. He would finally be able to get clean and be genuinely happy with his life. Not only did getting kicked out of the NHL let him get clean but it also helped him realize how much potential his life had. He met his wife and she also helped him get better because he was able to trust her with his secrecy with his abuse. By him opening up about his abuse to someone he loves helps him get better and leads him down the right path. After he became fully clean he realized that the one thing he was missing now was hockey. He was going to attempt a comeback and it was especially important because it would be a comeback to the team where it all started the Calgary Flames. He created a family with the Flames and also won a Stanley Cup. His moments with the Flames were his most defining ones and now he had a shot to go back. Fleury worked extremely hard but he sadly did not make the team again. Fleury was able to take a step back from that moment and realize that he has already accomplished so much that he was okay with retiring. After that he became a motivational speaker and helped others by sharing his stories. If it weren’t for that moment where he lost it all, he would’ve never become the man he always wanted to be. Sometimes things happen in life that we do not like but they happen for a reason and they lead us to who we are meant to be.

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What must we keep in mind with first person accounts?

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What must we keep in mind with first person accounts?

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Memoirs are first person told stories or memories of one’s life. Whether their life accounts are traumatic or joyful we must remember that many memoirs are based off one’s memory. In Playing with Fire, Theo Fleury experiences many tremendous achievements but also there are many darks sides to his life. When one goes and recounts an event especially from childhood, the memory can seem distant and too far to remember especially if it is something they do not want to remember.  These memories are retold and retold in one’s head to try and remember but to also shape how you would want this memory to of turned out. People may not realize it but subconsciously you are attempting to shape your far distant memories to have more meaning and direction.  Especially when one has faced a traumatic childhood they may choose to forget more details of the subject. Another problem when faced with memoirs is biases and perspective. With stories there are always different sides. No one’s side could be deemed untruthful because everyone goes through life with different outlooks. For example when Fleury talks about the US National Hockey team he is a lot more passionate, excited and detailed about the stories. This could be because the US is Canada’s rival and he saw them as their biggest competition. Based on what people like more and how they react towards certain topics can change their explanation and detail of an event. We cannot say that someone’s memoir is untruthful and unreliable, we just have to realize that most of these accounts are based of memories, biases and perspectives. Memories may be very distant and not all of them can be remembered in full detail and as a reader you may not have the same opinions or perspectives of the author to believe that their view points are completely reliable.

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Who am I? For Theo Fleury he always identified himself as a hockey player. However, who was he when he didn’t play hockey? “Let me put it this way: when I was on the ice I knew who I was, but I didn’t have an identity when I left the rink.” (Fleury 111) It is very common for professional athletes to struggle with their identities. Recently, professional teams have been working with their athletes to help them find their identities because when asked who they were they only said athlete. In many cases identity crisis for athletes is not safe. What happens to them when they can’t play the sport anymore?  When removing the sport from their lives they are no longer athletes, they are nothing. In result, many athletes who cannot play their sport anymore turn to substance abuse and self-harm. For Fleury, one of his ways to cope with his identity crisis was substance abuse. Every night he would go to bars and sit there all night just drinking. “I was such a highly functioning alcoholic that my excessive drinking was a secret.” Fleury was so lost with his identity that he did the craziest things to try and figure out who he was. He became an alcoholic and highly addicted to cocaine. Not only did his identity crisis affect himself, but it also affected the people around him. His late nights out would consist of him sleeping around with other women while having a wife and son at home. It is extremely common in the media now a days to hear of scandals revolved around the professional athletes who cheat, abuse drugs and alcohol. I believe that a huge part of these scandals are based on the fact that they don’t truly know who they are aside from their profession. This can apply to anyone not only professional athletes because if you don’t know who you are then you will never be satisfied or happy with yourself. You cannot live your life unhappy.

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It is the sad reality today that most of us know or have heard of someone being sexually abused. For Theo Fleury he experienced at first hand sexual abuse. Sexual predators are usually those who are closest to you and those who you would least expect it from. By the sexual predator being close to you, it gives them power to try and control your feelings and actions. You would never tell anyone that a close and highly respected man sexually abused you right? You may also say of course I would tell someone, however not when they may have something to control you. For Fleury he was sexually abused by his hockey coach. The one person that any athlete respects more than anything is their coach. At that age his coach was the most influential person in his life and now he was telling him that what he thought was wrong is now right. It was extremely tough on Fleury especially since he believed that this man had complete control over his future. “I’d allowed it to happen. I felt that in order to get noticed and move forward in the NHL, I’d given up my soul.” (Fleury 153) It was a constant battle for Fleury to decide whether or not to tell someone but the one thing he was trying to protect other than himself was hockey. When the one thing you love more than life could be possibly taken away you’d do anything. For Fleury it was dealing with the abuse. He didn’t say anything for 9 months and let it continue because his coach could make or break his career. Sexual abuse is not easy for someone to deal with especially when they do not speak up about it. Even years later after Fleury was in the NHL and his dreams had come true, he still felt the oppression of his abuser because he stayed silent. Fleury had to turn to substances to fill his soul because he had felt that he had completely lost it and he blamed himself. He blamed himself because all he wanted was a successful career but it was at the cost of his soul and innocence. People need to speak up about sexual abuse because they will always feel controlled by their abuser.